Chapter Twelve: A Filler In Which Selena Finds Out Just How Loved She Really Is

A/N: The chapter is a little heavy with Selena's thought process...but it turns out alright in the end ;)

"Fitz?" Selena crept into medical and tiptoed over to his sleeping form.

No one else was in the room. Jemma had left to go eat something for the first time in a couple of days, and everyone else was still dealing with the aftermath of the Hydra situation.

That gave her the perfect chance to sneak in and see Fitz. No one had allowed her to no matter how much she asked. They said that she didn't really need to see him and he was doing alright, but Selena had reason to believe that they were just trying to protect her from seeing how bad off Fitz really was.

But this felt like it was all her fault. If she hadn't been there, then Fitz could've taken that breath instead of her! He would be with Jemma, where he belonged. Instead, he was stuck here.

"I'm sorry Fitz." She whispered guiltily. "I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. Please get better."

A small hand brushed Fitz's forehead, pushing back a few stray curls that had fallen out of place. She looked at all the things he was hooked up to and bit back tears.

He looked so….unlike Fitz. He was silent and serene. He wasn't the Fitz that Selena had come to know and love.

"I—If you get better…" Selena took a shaky breath. "I promise I won't make you mad anymore…and I'll stay out of your way and — and I won't even play with anything in the lab!"

Despite all her promises, Fitz didn't move.

"I never got to thank you for saving me." Selena laid her head on his chest just to hear his heartbeat before straightening up. "You yell at me a lot, but you must like me at least a little bit." She joked, but sobered up because he couldn't laugh along with her. "Thank you." A whimper escaped as she grabbed his hand in hers, wanting that closeness again. "Did you know that I didn't really know what love meant until you guys found me?"

That heart rate monitor's beeping was putting Selena a little on edge, but she continued on.

"It's true." She kept on as if she were having an actual conversation with him. "Everyone looked at me funny when I said that…I guess by ten you're supposed to know." She shrugged. "I don't really know if you can hear me, but if you can….I love you. I know what it means now and it's nice. It doesn't feel empty…."

After receiving nothing but the silence she expected to get, Selena let go of Fitz's hand and wiped her eyes. "Please wake up?" She whispered and kissed his cheek before sneaking back out before anyone found her.

May furrowed her eyebrows when she found Selena in the training room, sitting cross legged on the mats. "What are you doing in here?" Her voice was rougher than she had intended it to be.

"Hi." Selena kept her gaze on the shoes she had been fiddling with. "I can leave if I'm not supposed to be here…" She made a move to get up, but May put up a hand to stop her.

"I have no issue with you being here." The older woman stood up in front of her. "Wanna tell me why you're sitting in here, all by yourself?"

Selena just shrugged and played with a strand of hair.

Honestly, she couldn't pin point a specific reason why she was doing what she was doing. Sometimes, she felt fine, but other times, she felt like she was carrying a crushing weight that was going to do her in at any second. It didn't make any sense and it confused the daylights out of her. Why was she feeling so flip-floppy? Why were more and more nightmares plaguing her sleep? Why couldn't she even take a regular bath without freaking out? Why did Ward try to hurt her and Fitz-Simmons? Why was Hydra so devoted to ruining lives? Why did Fitz give the last bit of oxygen meant for him, to her?

Why? Why? Why?

"You look like you could use someone to talk to." May surprised her by sitting down right in front of her. "You have a lot on your mind."

She knew that this was going to take its toll on Selena eventually. It took a toll on everyone, but Selena was only ten and her brain was still developing. Trauma like this could stay with a child forever.

When she found out about what Ward did, she was furious. It was one thing to get the adults involved in his sick Hydra game, but Selena was a kid. She was just a kid. She didn't deserve any of this.

"You wanna talk about it? I'm a good listener." She encouraged her to speak. "How are you feeling?"

"Not too good." Selena shrugged, letting out a shaky sigh. "Everybody looks like they're okay except me. Why can't I be okay too?"

"Trust me, everyone is not okay. That's okay." May assured her. "We're all just dealing with it in different ways. Coulson locks himself up in his office, Trip keeps to himself, Jemma surrounds herself with her work, and Skye blames herself and watches every move you make. You don't see it, because they're keeping their routines and they're hiding it well. They've had time to learn how to."

"What about you?" Selena asked. "What do you do?"

"Depends on how angry or how sad I'm feeling. Sometimes I do some Tai-Chi, and other times I punch the bag."

"Does it help?"

"More often than not. You just have to find a safe outlet for your emotions. But there's more to it than that, that's bothering you."

"It's my fault Fitz isn't waking up." Selena bit her lip. "It's my fault he got hurt."

"Did you force him into the containment module?"

"No."

"Did you send it hurtling out of a plane to drop straight to the bottom of the ocean?"

"No, but—"

"—Then how is this any of your fault?"

"Well, cause there was an oxygen tank….and there were only like, two breaths of air left…." Selena swallowed a painful lump in her throat. "One for Jemma and one for him, but he gave it to me. Why? He could've…..he should've saved himself. He could be happy with Jemma right now if he had. All I ever do is bother him…..and he wouldn't change his mind. Do you think Jemma blames me? Is that why she isn't talking to me?"

"I think that deep down, you know exactly why Fitz did what he did…but I'll explain it to you anyway, because you need to hear it. He loves it when you come into the lab and get on his last nerves. How do I know that? Sometimes I stand by the door and I watch you. I see his face light up whenever you come skipping in with cookies to share with him after he's had a tough day. He loves it when you ask him and Jemma questions about what they're doing and how things work. He's never had a little sister, but I'm sure he sees one in you." May paused when she saw tears slipping down Selena's face. "Fitz loves you so much, that he gave you that last bit of oxygen. He knew exactly what he was doing. Are you really going to take that away from him?"

Selena just sniffled as her resolve began to crumble. She had never thought if it like that.

"Well? Are you?"

"No….." She shook her head, still wiping her eyes, this time, using her sleeves to catch the fluid.

"Good. Now dry your tears and stand up. I saw the way you defended yourself against Garrett and while that was admirable and resourceful, you wouldn't stand a chance against an agent that's prepared for your attack." May stood up and looked down at Selena until she did the same. "Now hit me."

"Hit you?" Selena raised an eyebrow. She wasn't sure if she could do it. Wasn't hitting an adult like…..one of the worst things a child could do?

But while Selena was contemplating on whether or not she should strike, May swept under her feet, making her land flat on her back with a splat. "Ow." She groaned, blinking up at the ceiling, wondering how on earth she hadn't seen that coming.

"Next time, when I tell you to do something, do it." There was no ounce of concern in May's voice. She just stood over the child with her arms crossed and disappointment etched on her features. "Get up and this time, pay attention. You can't afford to be caught off guard. You're small and you're weak, your opponent is going to use that to his or her advantage."

Selena sighed and stood back up, looking at May warily. Maybe she should've found some other place to sort out her sorrows.

"Hit me."

This time, Selena made a fist and threw a punch. Her fist was caught and her wrist was grabbed. She didn't see how this was going to help her, but it wasn't like she was gutsy enough to question May.

'I see you know how to make a fist." May observed and nodded in approval. "That's a start. But, you can't hesitate to attack under any circumstances. Again."

Selena threw another punch without any delay. May grabbed caught her wrist again and made like she was going to flip her, but stopped at the last minute.

"This is one of the many moves that you may encounter and you need to be prepared for it."

"Why'd you stop for? I wanna flip!" Selena began to feel a lot less tense and guarded around May and actually started to regard her as a friend, rather than a somewhat friendly adult.

May rolled her eyes and muttered something in Mandarin that Selena totally didn't understand before gently flipping her so that she'd land back on her feet. "That's the way I expect you to land when you're met with an attack like this. I'll teach you how to flip into it some other time."

"Cool." Selena looked at her in amazement, and May might or might not have cracked a tiny smile.

She'd never disclose this information with anyone, but Selena was really growing on her.

The two stayed in the training room for hours. Selena was like a sponge, soaking up all the things that May was teaching her, taking in her corrections and then applying them to the best of her ability. May wouldn't admit it, but she was very impressed. This child had no training at all, and yet she was improving so quickly as if she had been born for this.

But training sessions always took their toll. That night, before Skye even mentioned it, Selena crawled into her bed and fell right to sleep.

And she didn't have a single nightmare.

The novelty of no nightmares wore off vey soon. A couple of days later, Selena shot up out of her bed, soaking wet with cold sweats.

She looked over at Skye, whom she had been sleeping with since the night Fury rescued her and Fitz-Simmons, and debated on whether or not she should wake her. She had waken her so many times over the past several days just because she had been suffering from silly nightmares. Sometimes, she even woke up to find Skye awake, sitting up just watching her to make sure she was okay. Selena naturally assumed that her sister hadn't slept well in a while, so she did her best to control the little whimpers escaping her throat, and quietly climbed out of bed, roaming the hallways in her pajamas.

The halls were pretty much empty, there couldn't possibly be anyone awake at this hour.

"Selena?"

The child stopped when she heard Coulson's voice and looked to see that she had just walked right past his office and the light was on.

Okay, so maybe one person was awake.

"Selena?" Coulson called her again, causing her to backtrack and stepped inside the office. "What are you doing up? It's after one." But once he saw her glossy eyes and damp pjs, he understood. "Bad dreams?" He questioned, beckoning her over.

Selena just nodded and fiddled with the bottom of her shirt before dragging her sock covered feet over to his side behind his desk. She was wearing her favorite set of pajamas; Iron Man. It was a two-piece, the top had red sleeves with an arc reactor on the chest, and the bottoms were full of smaller arc reactors. Coulson had tried his best to get her to wear the Captain America pajamas he bought her, but she never did.

"Really bad, huh?" He leaned forward and wrapped an arm around her.

"Y—Yeah." Selena sniffled, a harsh hiccup forced its way out of her mouth.

"Wanna talk about it?" He asked, pushing the hair out of her face. "Sometimes that helps."

"It was a—about Ward." Selena swallowed. "I was in the containment m—module again and he pulled the lever to drop it in t—the ocean….but I was alone and water leaked inside and I couldn't breathe…..and h—he laughed at me…no one knew…"

It wasn't the same dream every night, but more often than not, it was this one. It started out with Ward standing on the outside of the containment module with an awful smile on his face. Selena screamed and begged, and pleaded with him to let her out, but all he did was pull the lever and send her plummeting down to the bottom of the ocean.

And this time, the module wasn't air tight and it didn't keep water from seeping in, it allowed it to leak through, filling up the inside and rising all the way up to the ceiling, giving Selena no way to escape. She was always completely submerged in water and she always swam around and fought to kick the glass in, but nothing ever worked.

That dream always ended with her just giving up and waking up, with the residual sound of Ward's laughter, gasping for air.

"Ward is in custody." Coulson assured her, pulling her to sitting on his lap. "He can't hurt you, or Fitz-Simmons ever again. You're not in the containment module anymore and you're safe. These are just dreams. I know they're scary, but they're not real. You're okay." He used his thumb to brush away some of her tears.

There was really nothing he could do or say to make her feel better. Ward had done a number on her and left behind some serious damage. He would pay for it, sure. But the main focus right now, was Selena. She needed him.

He couldn't do anything to take this away from her, but he could be there.

And that's exactly what he did.

"Trip, can you get me a glass of water while you're over there?" Skye asked the man, standing near the island her sister was sitting on, playing hand games with her.

"Sure." Trip nodded and grabbed a glass, turned on the tap, and began to fill it.

But he dropped the glass when he was startled by an ear piercing scream.

Once Selena had heard the sound of the water, she screamed at the top of her lungs, startling everyone in the room. She clamped both hands over her ears and curled up onto the island, sobbing uncontrollably while trying her best to catch her breath.

"Selena?" Skye panicked and tried to touch her, but Selena slapped her hands away. "Selena!"

Her sister paid her no mind, she remained in that very same position. Her breaths became shallow and her her struggles were audible. She kept shaking her head and pleading at a volume no one could really hear.

Trip, after figuring out what triggered her, quickly stepped in and lifted Selena up into his arms, despite all her screaming and wiggling.

"Trip, what are you doing?" Skye asked, not at all liking how her sister was in such distress.

"She started screaming because of the water." Trip began to explain, keeping a tight grip on the child. "She has to be exposed to some kind of water before this fear gets any worse…and right now, it's pretty bad."

"You're taking her to the pool?" May knew exactly what he meant.

"Yeah."

"Trip…" Skye trailed, not knowing what to say or do. She trusted him completely, but her sister was such a wreck that she really didn't know if she should go along with this.

"Skye, you don't have to watch." Trip read her mind. "She's going to be fine, but it's going to be tough."

"He's right." Jemma, who had been very quiet, spoke up. "Her fear is only going to get worse if she isn't for lack of a better word, forced to face it."

"Just be careful."

"You know I will." Trip nodded.

"I'll come with you, you might need some help." May stood up and followed him straight to the pool room.

Once the smell of chlorine hit Selena's nose, she went ballistic. She knew she was near water and her eyes weren't even open. Trip kept his grip on her and took off his shoes and hers, slowly sitting down at the edge of the pool with both their feet in the water.

It took a while, but when Selena realized that they weren't moving, she stopped thrashing around and fell limp.

May took off her shoes and got in the water, standing in front of them. "You're doing well." She encouraged,

"Selena, I know you don't like water, but you're not in danger. I'm right here and so is May. It's going to be okay." Trip rubbed her back soothingly. "But one day, you may need to know how to swim to get yourself out of a pickle and you can't be this afraid of water."

"Do you want to bring her in?" May asked, noticing just how calm Selena had gotten.

She was only crying quietly now. She was no longer screaming and trying to get away.

"I'm gonna put you in the water, okay?" Trip informed the child. "May is right there and the water isn't deep like the ocean. We're just going to swim for a little bit and soon as you tell us you want to come out, we will. But you have to try. Okay?"

"O—Okay." Selena hiccuped and tensed up when she was placed into the water.

"You need to relax your muscles Selena." May coached, keeping her above the surface. "I'm right here."

Selena whimpered and shook her head, holding onto her for dear life. She no longer enjoyed the feeling of the cold water on her body. She didn't like the splashing sound it made.

All that bright blue tint did was remind her of the deep, dark depths of the ocean.

The oxygen.

Fitz.

"I'm not gonna let you do this for me. You take it. I'll be okay."

"It's okay, Selena. It's okay. Take it."

"No. No. No. Fitz, please?! — NO!"

"Selena." The woman pried her off. "You know the basics of swimming, Trip taught you. You did so well. Swim to him."

He looked so cold. So still. He wasn't moving. He wasn't cracking jokes, or telling her to get out of the lab.

He was silent.

The only sound in the room was the beeping of his heart-rate monitor.

"Please wake up?"

Selena hadn't even noticed that Trip had gotten into the water and was treading, waiting for her to become comfortable.

"Come on, girl." He smiled and waved her over.

At first, Selena refused. What if she swam and started to sink under the water? Then she would have to swim back up to the surface like when she and Jemma brought Fitz up. She didn't ever want to go under the water again.

But when she looked at Trip and May, and she saw how relaxed they both were, she relented. It was a struggle, but she finally let go of May and swam to Trip as best as she could, wrapping her arms around his neck once she got to him.

She definitely wasn't happy or relaxed, but she did it.

"See? You did it." Trip smiled and held his hand out. "Hi-Five."

Selena sniffled and hit his palm. "I wanna g—get out please."

Her legs struggled to keep her afloat. They searched for something to stand up on, but there was nothing.

Before she knew it, she had lost her rhythm and began to sink.

Cold water rushed into her ears and her nose. Her body thrashed in panic. She couldn't reach the surface no matter how hard she tried.

Bubbles rushed to the surface above her as she attempted to hold onto what little bit of oxygen she had left in her system.

A hand shot down and wrenched her back up before she lost consciousness.

Jemma.

She owed Jemma a lot. She saved her life.

"Okay."

Rome wasn't built in a day, but they would keep working on this. Selena wasn't going to panic every time she heard sound of water or flip out when she saw a large body of it. She was going to heal, and they were going to help her, no matter how long it took.

"Help! Let me out!" Selena banged on the glass doors of the module as she found herself sinking further and further below the surface of the ocean. "Help me!"

"No one is going to help you." Fitz glared at her, standing next to Jemma, who looked just as upset. "This was all your doing. If you hadn't been so bloody skeptical about Ward, we wouldn't be in this mess."

"He's right." Jemma nodded. "Fitz wouldn't be in medical either if it wasn't for you. Are you happy with yourself?"

Selena's jaw dropped at their words and she struggled to find something, anything to say. She knew that this was all her fault, but she didn't think that Jemma and Fitz would openly admit it to make her feel bad.

"I'm sure she is." Ward appeared out of thin air with a smirk on his face. "She doesn't care about you. She only cares about herself. That's what happens when you live on the streets long enough, I guess. You get selfish. She could've given Fitz that little breath of oxygen, but instead she didn't, and now he's hurt."

"I didn't mean to hurt him!" Selena blurted. "I tried to get him to take the oxygen, but he wouldn't!"

"And look at him now." Jemma snarled, pointing at Fitz, who was now on the floor, unconscious.

"Fitz!" Selena gasped and rushed over to his side, trying her best to wake him up. But he wouldn't move!

"See what you've done?" Ward shook his head in disappointment.

"I didn't mean to!"

"Like it matters anymore."

"Fitz! Wake up!" Selena shook him as gently as possible. "Wake up, Fitz! I'm sorry!"

"It's all your fault." Ward began to laugh before he, Jemma, and Fitz disappeared. Leaving her all alone. "All your fault."

"No!" Selena screamed, covering her ears. "It isn't my fault! I didn't mean to hurt him! Fitz! Wake up! Fitz!"

"Fitz!" The ten year old's eyes shot open as her body jerked straight into a sitting position.

When her eyes adjusted to the darkness surrounding her, she looked around and realized that she was no longer in the containment module, but in her bunk.

That was a relief.

But what concerned her, was the feeling of dampness in her pajamas. She knew that she always sweat when she had nightmares, but this feeling was different. So she slowly crawled out of bed and squinted to look at her sheets.

They were wet.

"No, no, no, no, no." Selena muttered to herself, beginning to freak out.

She had wet the bed! She wasn't a baby!

She choked back a sob as she ripped the sheets off of the bed and balled them up in one before changing into a pair of fresh pajamas, stuffing the soiled ones into the sheets.

The child was so glad that this was the one night she hadn't slept in her sister's bunk, because that would've been super embarrassing. What would Skye think of her if she ever found out?

What everyone else think?

Hopefully, she wouldn't have to find out.

Hiking the ball of sheets in her arms, Selena stepped out of her bunk and sneakily made her way down the hallway, hoping that she wouldn't bump into anyone on the way to the washer and dryer.

"Selena?"

Apparently, nothing was in her favor tonight.

"C'mon girl, why are you carrying your sheets down the hall?" Trip questioned. "And what are you doing up so late?"

Selena had forgotten that she went to bed earlier than normal, because everyone else had a meeting that she wasn't invited to.

Not that she had wanted to sit through that morning discussion anyway.

She must've woken up right after the meeting ended. Go figure.

"I'm going for a walk..…to wash them..…did you know that you're supposed to wash your sheets often?"

Trip gave her a funny look and made a move to take the sheets from her, they were practically bigger than she was, but Selena wasn't having it.

"No!" She moved away. "I can carry them myself!"

And in that moment, Trip figured out exactly what was going on. He had been through it himself, everyone had. It's like a twisted rite of passage for every child. "Did you wet the bed?" He asked softly, so that no one else would be able to hear.

"What makes you say that? I'm not a baby."

"I know you're not." Trip acknowledged. "But you are lugging your bedsheets through the hallway in the middle of the night, when you're supposed to be asleep."

Selena huffed and looked away, biting her lip. "I'm not a baby and it was an accident. I'm gonna wash the sheets. Nobody was supposed to know."

"Having an accident doesn't make you a baby. Everyone has accidents."

"Grown ups don't have accidents." Selena grumbled bitterly.

"Grown ups never admit to having accidents." Trip corrected her. "Come on, let me help you clean these sheets up."

"No! I can do it myself!" Selena protested, her cheeks reddening with embarrassment. "Leave me alone!"

Trip knew that she must have been hurting, because under normal circumstances, Selena would never have acted this way towards him. They were very close.

"Is everything alright?" Jemma asked as she made her way over to them after turning a corner. She was on her way to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea, but she had heard the noise coming from the hallway and wanted to make sure everything was alright.

"Yes!" Selena rolled her eyes. "Everything is fine! Can I go now?"

"Oh, Selena." Jemma looked at her with pity etched on her face. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what had happened.

The balled up sheets, the embarrassed blush, and the snarky attitude. It all added up.

"You got this?" Trip figured that what Selena probably needed in this situation, was a woman.

"Yes, we'll be alright. Go and get some sleep." Jemma smiled at him as he walked away. "Come on, Sweetheart, let's see if we can clean these up before morning." She led Selena down to the washer/dryer and put the sheets and pajamas in on a spin cycle.

"I could've done it myself." Selena angrily wiped a tear away from her face. "I'm not a baby."

Jemma sighed and looked at the small girl. This was the first time she had actually made an effort to speak to her since they were rescued.

It wasn't that she didn't like her, or that she blamed her, because she did like her and she didn't blame her at all. But she had been spending most of her free time with Fitz and she hadn't really thought about doing much else.

But now, looking at Selena, she was starting to regret it. The child looked hesitant and guarded around her, the same as when she had first arrived.

It was unsettling to say the least, to think that they may have taken several steps backward in their relationship.

"It's okay, Selena. I'm not going to make fun of you." She assured her, keeping her distance. "I know that it was only an accident. No one is going to think less of you. All we have to do is wait for these to dry and put them back on your bed, so you can sleep."

Selena just eyed her warily before nodding and watching the machine spin.

"Do you mind if I tell you a little secret to keeping the nightmares away?"

"I don't care." Selena shrugged.

"Chamomile tea."

"What's chamomile?" Selena looked at her skeptically.

"It's a flower that's used to make a certain type of tea. It's quite relaxing. If you'd like to give it a try, I could make you a cup."

"…..You sure it's gonna help?"

"It might or it might not, but it's better than sitting around here waiting for the sheets to dry, don't you think?"

That managed to get a smile out of the girl. "Yeah."

"Let's go then." Jemma reached for her hand and led her to the kitchen, putting the kettle on.

"What are you doing up?" May asked, perched on the couch, sipping her own cup of hot tea.

"Just grabbing a cup of tea." Jemma smiled, pulling two cups down from the cupboard. "Would you like some more?"

"No, thanks." May shook her head, giving Selena a strange look. "I didn't know you drank tea."

"I don't." Selena scrunched up her face in disgust at the thought of the hot beverage. "But Jemma said that it would help me fall asleep. Tea is for old—" The child cut herself off when she realized what she was about to say and smiled sheepishly at the looks she was receiving.

May raised an eyebrow at her and even Jemma stopped what she was doing to give her a look of distaste.

"—Uh, I mean tea is for…..people who are hardworking and need…..relaxation….?" Selena cringed.

"Sure." Jemma rolled her eyes, pouring the hot water into the cups when the kettle began to whistle. "Quality save."

"It smells good." Selena peered into the cup as the water began to change colors.

"Go sit with May." Jemma instructed her. "I'll be there in a second."

"Okay." Selena made her way over to the older woman, careful not spill any of her beverage.

"Sip it." May looked at her.

Selena gently blew on the hot liquid before she took a sip. It was a little bitter, but it didn't have an awful taste. It was actually kind of good.

The three women sat and talked for a few hours, before Selena began to fall asleep. The tea had finally taken its effect on her, and her eyes grew heavier with each passing minute. She felt her body sway before she put her feet up and rested her head on May's lap, much to the woman's surprise.

Jemma looked at May in amusement. She had never seen her look so maternal. It was nice.

"Not a word about this, Simmons."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

Some things were better kept as secrets.

A/N: Okay, so that chapter was a little fluffy and heavy. It was a little filler that I came up with in the spur of the moment. Now, onto Season Two! :)