A Bitter Pill to Swallow- chapter 6
"Dad! Dad! Dad! Don't leave me!" he screamed as he tried to fight his aides to leave the room to go after Michael.
"Jonathan listen to me okay? It's going to be okay! He just needs sometime to figure this out but your mom and I are here right now. We're not leaving you I promise" said Tony.
"I hate him! How could he leave me? Fine! I don't need him, I've never needed him! He can rot in hell for all I care! I'm better off without him! I've done fine all these years and I'll be fine without him!" yelled Jonathan as the tears started to fall.
"Oh Jonathan… Tony's right. We are here right now. Grandma and Samantha are still here too and Hank has come up. We are all going to see you through this but I need you to listen to the doctor and try this medication. Please Jonathan…" Angela pleaded through tears.
"She's right Jonathan. You've gotta try this… give yourself the help you need right now" said Tony as he reached over and took his hand in his own, giving it a little squeeze.
"Alright… I'll take it. I really don't think I need it and if I don't like it I'm going to stop" he said.
"Yes Jonathan of course. Just take it and give it a chance to work. We will be here for you no matter what" said Angela as she put her hand on top of Tony's and Jonathan's.
"Alright let's start it now… the sooner the better…" said the doctor as the nurse went and got him his medication. She brought the medication in with a small cup of water. He looked at it for a few moments, while everyone in the room held their collective breaths. Finally, he took the medication. Tony and Angela both let out sighs of relief.
"I think I want to go back to my room now. Are you coming back tomorrow?" asked Jonathan as he became increasingly fidgety.
"Yes we will be back tomorrow. Is there anything we can bring you?" asked Angela.
"A dad who loves me and gives a crap about me… other than that no… bye Mom… bye Tony…" he said as he walked out of the room.
"That was the biggest hurdle right now, getting him to take the medication. It's going to take a few days to come down from the mania but the medication will help regulate his mood. I'm sorry his father isn't on board…" said the doctor.
"Michael is his father biologically speaking only. He's been absent for most of his life, only coming back in when it's convenient for him. His father… his real father for most of his life is right here. Tony is his father in every way that counts…" said Angela as she grabbed his hand.
"Thank you Angela" he said as he wiped away tears in his eyes.
"What else can we be doing right now?" asked Angela.
"Right now the most important thing you can do is continue to show him unconditional love. When he eventually comes down from this manic state, the self-hatred and depression he will experience will be significant. He needs to know you will be there for him… no matter what…"
said the doctor as he stood up and walked out of the room, leaving Tony and Angela alone in the room.
"Tony… he better be gone by the time we walk out of this hospital because if I see him I swear I will kill Michael! How could he walk out of here? Did you see the look on Jonathan's face when he left him? I thought it was bad when he walked out on our marriage but that was nothing compared to this…" said Angela.
"Michael has never really been Mr. Reliable… he's bailed on most of Jonathan's most important life events. He only came to his graduation because he had a conference that weekend in the city. He's missed out on birthdays, girlfriends, dances and every other momentous occasion in his life. He has no idea how to be a father Angela… he's probably completely in the dark here, not really knowing Jonathan at all and then seeing him like this…" said Tony as Angela interrupted him.
"And we're not in the dark here Tony? We have no idea what we are doing, what we are up against! Are we doing the right thing? I have no idea but we are here, we are staying and being there for our son… our son Tony!" she shouted.
"Yes he's our son in every way that matters and we are in this together! Let's head out and head back to the hotel, maybe get a bite to eat and turn in early. It's been a long day Angela…" he said as he stood up, reaching for her hand to help her up.
"You're right Tony… I'm just so angry and scared and… sad…" she said as they walked out of the room and off the unit. They signed out and headed down the elevator. They stopped to call the hotel and asked Samantha to pick them up. As they walked out of the hospital, they saw Michael sitting on a bench, his head between his knees.
"Now Angela… stay calm…" he said as they approached him.
"Michael… we're going back to our hotel. We will be back again tomorrow during visiting hours. I suggest if you can't be there for Jonathan, don't be there for him at all…" Angela said with as much restraint as she could muster with her current level of rage.
"Angela… that's not our son! What… what happened to him?" asked Michael as he wiped away the tears in his eyes.
"He's going through a mental health crisis is what happened to him! He's still our son Michael… and by our son, I want to be crystal clear here that I mean Tony and I, not you. You've been in his life for a total of ten minutes for the past twelve or thirteen years of his life. Tony and I have been together raising him… taking him to baseball games, gymnastics competitions, school science fairs, dances, graduations… we've seen him through heartbreaks and successes, we've seen him through bullying and social awkwardness to puberty and adolescence. I… if you love him Michael you have two options right now. You either stay and support and love him unconditionally or you leave. And know… if you leave, consider yourself no longer a father to him because I will make sure you never hurt him again…" said Angela, pent up anger, hurt and frustration very present in her voice.
"I think we all need a break after today. Michael, how about we take the night off and meet for breakfast at the cafe at our hotel. We can talk about how we all can support Jonathan" said Tony.
"I… okay I think that's for the best" said Michael. He stood up as a taxi cab pulled up. The normal confidence Michael possessed, to the point of arrogance, was gone as he ducked into the cab and left the hospital. Tony couldn't help but shake his head.
"Tony I mean it. If he leaves now, that's it. I will do whatever it takes to make sure he's not able to hurt Jonathan anymore" she said.
"I know you do Angela… so do I. And if he stays, we will both need to keep an eye on him to make sure he's actually doing right by him" said Tony.
"Thank god he chose to take the medication. I don't know if it will work but something has to change. He can't keep going on like this in this manic state. I feel so helpless about this whole situation. Maybe we can find some resources on it or something to help us understand this better" she said.
"I think that's a great idea Angela. Maybe tomorrow morning we can find a bookstore or something and see if they have any books about it. Maybe down the line we can find like a support group or something for parents with kids with bipolar disorder. I don't even know if that's a thing or not but we could look" said Tony.
"Oh Tony that's a great idea! We can stop tomorrow morning and see. Maybe we can ask his social worker or doctor about groups or something to help us better support him" she said. Just then, Samantha pulled up in the jeep, with Mona in the front seat. Angela helped him get in the car and then got in on the other side.
"So what did the doctor say about your shoulder Dad?" asked Samantha.
"It's a small tear but I'll be fine. I just can't move it much for a few weeks but after that I should be fine. And do me a favor everyone… Jonathan doesn't remember doing it so please don't remind him. It was an accident and that's all that matters" said Tony.
"Thankfully no surgery but he's going to have to follow up with a specialist soon. I will see if I can find a doctor and maybe one of you can drive him home for the appointment" said Angela as she leaned up against the car window, the coldness a slight relief for the headache that was only getting worse.
"I can do that Angela. It can wait until things settle down here because if you think I'm leaving you alone here, after what happened this morning and then with Michael, think again…" said Tony.
"What happened with Michael and how is Jonathan?" asked Mona.
"He was his typical helpful Michael self…" said Tony.
"He ran out on him… literally ran out of the unit! Jonathan was devastated. I told Michael he has two choices- step up and support him or get out of his life entirely. He needs family that love and support him unconditionally and I won't stand for anything less…" said Angela.
"He needs to get back on the plane and forget about him Angela! If he can't be supportive then don't be here. And I have no problem kicking his sorry ass right back to California. I've wanted to do that ever since he left you the first time…" said Mona.
"The first time?" asked Samantha and Tony at the same time.
"Thank you Mother… yes Michael left us the first time when Jonathan not even a year old. He moved out for a few months… family life didn't suit him apparently… needless to say we got back together until the months leading up to you all coming into our lives. I should have never let him back in our lives the first time but I thought I was doing what was best for Jonathan. I'm not making that mistake again…" said Angela as she wiped away the tears in her eyes.
"So when is father of the year leaving?" asked Mona.
"We are all meeting tomorrow morning at the cafe in our hotel. I figure we can lay it out for him in very simple terms and see what he says. He either wants to be there for him or he doesn't…"
said Tony.
They arrived at the hotel and met Hank in the lobby. They decided to have a dinner at the restaurant across the street. They spent most of the dinner catching Hank up on the few days' events. Once they were done, they headed back to the hotel, agreeing to meet up after Tony and Angela met with Michael so they could all go and visit Jonathan. Mona got her own room for the night to give Hank and Samantha privacy. Tony and Angela again practically collapsed on the bed when they got back to the room.
"How are you feeling Tony? I have your pain medication but we need to fill the prescription tomorrow" said Angela as she helped him get undressed.
"It hurts but I'll be fine. I'll call work tomorrow and let them know I'll be out for the week. Then I'll call and see if there is a doctor locally that takes my health insurance. If not, I'll make an appointment for the end of the week close by the house" he said.
"I… I don't know how I'm supposed to leave him here and go back home at some point. Work can do without me this week but next week I've got a few important meetings with some new clients that I really need to be there for… maybe I can drive down and back up after the meetings…" she said as she tried to mentally figure out how it would all work.
"Let's see what happens this coming week and how he does. Maybe by next week he will be ready to come home. If not, we can alternate if we need to… even if it means he's without us for a few days, at least he's where he is safe. We won't be gone any longer than we have to, I promise" he said.
"Alright Tony… and Tony… thank you. I can't even begin to think how I would be getting through this if you weren't here with me. Actually I do know, I wouldn't be able to get through it. I love you so much…" she said as she wrapped her arms around him.
"I'm not going anywhere and I wouldn't be anywhere else. I love you too sweetheart" he said as he kissed her gently on the lips.
"And not for nothing Angela… you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for… if I wasn't here, you'd still be there for him, putting his best interests at the forefront. And that's why I know he's going to be okay… Jonathan is much more you than he ever was Michael. He's going to figure this out with all of our help…" said Tony.
"I hope so…" she said as they laid back in bed, trying to get Tony as comfortable as possible before both falling asleep.
The next morning, Angela helped Tony get showered and dressed. They each called into work before heading down to the cafe. Surprisingly, Michael was already sitting at a table, drinking a cup of coffee when they arrived.
"Morning Michael" said Tony as Angela's rage at even looking at Michael stopped her from having any type of conversation.
"Morning Tony… Angela. I hope you slept okay, especially with your shoulder Tony…" Michael started to say when Angela cut him off.
"We don't have all day Michael. What is your decision… are you in Jonathan's life as a supportive father or are you leaving… again" she said as the anger started to bubble to the surface.
"Angela… it's not that simple… it's not black and white…" said Michael.
"Actually Michael it is… it's very black and white. You are either here for him for once in your life or you need to leave before you do anymore damage" said Angela.
"Damage? What damage?" asked Michael as his voice began to get louder.
"Ha! Do you want the laundry list Michael… choosing work over your son, having no contact for months at a time his whole life, missing most of his important life events… or would you like me to just skip to yesterday when you completely gutted him by walking out on him… Hmmm…?" said Angela.
"Look… I don't want to recap just how badly I've messed up his life by not being there for him. I know it, you know it… and apparently Jonathan knows it too. I shouldn't have left yesterday but I froze. That's not the Jonathan I know! I didn't know what to do…" he said.
"And you think I know what to do Michael? He left this fall as the Jonathan we all know and now? I don't know what to do or how to help him! But I'm here… Tony and I are here, no matter what! Can you make that same commitment Michael? Because if you can't, just leave. Leave and don't ever come back!" she yelled, causing some other patrons in the cafe to stare.
"Angela, take a deep breath! Michael we just need to know how committed you are to his recovery. This is going to be long term… months or years… or maybe the rest of his life I really don't know. He's going to need consistency from the adults in his life. It can't be half-assed… it's either you're in this or you're not. It's up to you…" said Tony.
"I know… he's my son and I love him, I really love him… but I don't think I can do this. I can't watch him like this… in that place with those people…" he said.
"Fine. Just so we are clear… this is your decision Michael. We gave you the chance to be here, to be here for him. I don't want to hear weeks or months or years from now that I didn't give you this chance. From now on, I don't want you to see him, talk to him, write to him or have any contact whatsoever. If he wants contact once he's further in his recovery, then we will cross that bridge if and when the time comes. For now, for Jonathan's benefit but for yours as well, heed my words. Do not contact him… ever…" she said as she got up from the table and stormed off towards the lobby.
"Look Tony… I don't expect you or Angela or even Jonathan to understand but I just can't see him like this… I know it makes me a horrible person, but I can't. Just do me a favor, because I know Angela can't or won't but please tell Jonathan I do love him…" he said as he stood up, put a ten dollar bill on the table and headed towards the door, leaving Tony wondering how he was going to help put the pieces of Jonathan and Angela's hearts back together.