Chapter 05: Blind

"It is absolutely out of the question!" Eagle exclaimed.

The statement was accompanied by a gloved fist slamming into the polished wood of the conference table before him. He let out his breath in a brief sigh afterwards, a look of mild regret coming across his face. With a sweep of his fingers Eagle flicked his orange scarf back over one shoulder, before he pulled his arms back across his chest and assumed a more composed stance.

"I'm sorry, Nell," he added, "but under the current circumstances, what you ask is too much."

At the far end of the table from Eagle stood Nell, who had kept her expression neutral as she listened to all this. Meanwhile, Sami, Andy, and Max watched from one side as the exchange between the commanders of two nations became increasingly heated.

After the brief battle along the coast, Eagle had flown directly to the capital, and the others had soon followed. Sami had hoped they would have a chance to speak privately, but it was not to be: Eagle had insisted on discussing the threat posed by Black Hole without delay. In light of recent events, everyone had assumed that Green Earth would be willing to fight alongside them without question. Knowing Eagle as well as she did, Sami had been certain he would do what was right, and it had come as an unpleasant shock to discover that he was unwilling to offer any further assistance.

"You didn't need to come to Orange Star's aid," Nell observed, her words cool and candid. "You were more than welcome to let us sink or swim on our own."

Eagle snorted and gave a dismissive wave. Throwing Nell a frosty glare for good measure, he turned and began to pace the width of the conference room.

"You're confusing the issue," he said. "Green Earth will always be the first to strike against Black Hole, and you know it. But that's one thing, and getting involved in a war that's between Orange Star and Blue Moon is another thing entirely."

"Eagle, you're being ridiculous," Sami burst out. "Just because we're asking for your help doesn't mean we want you to fight all our battles for us!"

Upon hearing the rebuke Eagle started and made as if to look at her, but then, seemingly thinking better of it, he shook his head and redirected his gaze to his boots. Sami was not sure what to make of it. He had avoided looking her in the eye ever since she arrived, and she did not know why.

"I am not prepared to take Green Earth to war with someone who is not our enemy," he continued in a more considered tone.

"We're not asking you to," Nell replied. "Orange Star is at war with Black Hole, and no one else. We're only asking that you stand with us as you have ever since Sturm's deception was revealed."

"Except that all along your border, Blue Moon is massing troops! Do you seriously expect me to believe that if they do attack, you won't want my help?"

"You gettin' blinded by your feelings for Green Earth again?" Max said. "If Olaf tries to conquer Orange Star, whose side do you wanna be on, anyway?"

Sami raised an eyebrow at Eagle following that rather blunt question, but he made sure to look only at Max.

"That is a question I shall answer when the time comes," Eagle said, his haughty tone not giving an inch. "But know that I sympathise with your position, Max."

"Yeah, right. You're just glad Jess didn't get her way and Orange Star ended up taking Lash, otherwise you'd be the ones facing war with Blue Moon."

"Are you accusing me of something?" Eagle asked, his voice soft and dangerous.

Max stretched his muscular arms and gave a bored sigh. "I'm just calling 'em like I see 'em."

"Then perhaps your eyes need examining!"

"That's enough, both of you!" The tight set of Nell's lips was a clear indication that she was not at all pleased. "Commander Eagle, I understand your feelings on this matter, but I don't think it's too much to ask for a bit more decorum. And Max… why don't you go and check in with Rachel? She's been asking for an update on the situation."

"You sure, Nell?" Max asked. "I don't mind staying."

He did not sound particularly pleased with the suggestion, which was hardly surprising. Max's instinct was always to take charge of a difficult situation so others did not have to.

"I'm sure."

Still Max did not appear convinced, but he acquiesced. In his absence the room became perhaps a little less tense. Sami kept her eyes on Eagle as he departed. She suspected that Max had gotten under his skin, but it was impossible to say for certain. Eagle had turned his back to them, staring out the window with his arms clasped behind his back and his head held high. As Sami watched the sunlight seeping through his silvery hair it occurred to her that he looked more like a ghost than a man, the swept back spikes turning ethereal where they met the light and melting into nothing. He was different to how she remembered him, but she could not decide how.

"I did not come here to be insulted," Eagle commented without turning around.

"No," Nell said. "You came here because Black Hole has returned, which puts us all in grave danger."

Eagle inclined his head to one side, but said nothing. It was impossible to say whether the gesture was meant to indicate agreement or mere thoughtfulness. He was not making these negotiations easy. Sami felt a flash of frustration. It should have been a simple matter to agree on, but the breakdown of the Allied Nations had coloured everything. Even reaching an accord to fight Black Hole was complicated by the tensions between Orange Star and Blue Moon.

"Perhaps Eagle and I should continue this discussion in private," Nell said in a quieter voice.

Andy did not look particularly enthusiastic about the idea, but with a shrug he moved to leave. Sami was about to follow his lead when a different impulse seized her, and she walked over to Nell instead.

"Let me try and talk some sense into him, ma'am," Sami said, leaning over to whisper in Nell's ear.

"Sami, is that a good idea?"

The worry in Nell's eyes burst into full bloom as spoke. It was a constant presence of late, and Sami hated it. The last thing she needed was her superior officer of all people fretting like a mother hen.

"I think I'll have better luck, ma'am," Sami said, brushing off that damn concern with a shrug she hoped appeared nonchalant. She had no desire to reveal how desperate she was to speak with Eagle.

Nell gave a single, slow nod. "Alright. I'll leave you to it, then."

With a final fleeting look of sympathy Nell left, shutting the door behind her almost without a sound, and then Sami and Eagle were alone. Cued by the door closing, he began to speak, though he still did not turn away from the window.

"I apologise, Commander Nell, if I have offended you. But I am not about to compromise –"

"Eagle."

His whole body tensed as he realised who it was in the conference room with him. For a moment Sami was afraid he was going to bolt. It was a ridiculous notion, but even from behind she could see the panic gripping his body.

"Sami," he said. Indecision hung heavy in the wake of his voice, before he let out a long, weary sigh. "It's you."

"Yes. Me." She didn't even try to restrain her irritation as she said it.

"Is anything wrong?"

The question was slow, wary even, the kind asked by a man afraid the ground would fall away from under his feet. Sami's frustration built with every word, every breath, and the slight tilt of his head in her direction – enough to show he was listening but not enough to actually see her – was the final straw.

"Something's wrong," she growled. "You're not even looking at me!"

Still there was no response. He was trying so hard not to let anything show, and it only made her wonder what he was trying to hide. Sami could imagine all kinds of reasons for Eagle's silence, but she lacked the impartiality to decide which were rational and which were not. Nothing made sense to her any more. They had gone from speaking almost every day to not communicating at all, and the abrupt change had felt like losing part of herself. It was a mess. Sami didn't know where they stood. Didn't know what Eagle was thinking, didn't know what he was feeling. Part of her wanted to go to him, to take him in her arms and let all the troubles of the outside world fall away, but she knew that she could not. Somehow the distance between them felt greater than ever, and that scared Sami in a way that nothing ever had.

Only a year ago their paths had seemed so tightly intertwined. It had begun when Sami was sent to Green Earth late in the Second Great War. There, she had joined up with Eagle's troops after he came to her aid in another daring rescue. In such close proximity it had been impossible to deny the strength of their attraction. She and Eagle were drawn to each other, pulled into each other's orbit by a force they could not explain. From that moment onwards they had worked closely together, from the late stages of the campaign in Green Earth through to the end of the war, and then as part of the allied effort to deal with the enemy forces remaining in Macro Land. By the time they were both sent to Omega Land, there had been no doubt whatsoever that what they felt for each other was love.

Sami was not much given to regret. She didn't believe in stressing over things she couldn't change, and she made a point of dealing with what was in front of her instead of fretting about what might have been. Even so, she couldn't help but wonder if she had made a terrible mistake eight months ago, during the final battle of the Omega War. What had Eagle wanted to promise her, before she cut him off? She'd told him that they could talk when it was all over, but they never had. The battle had been so long and so exhausting, and after Von Bolt was finally vanquished, everything had fallen into chaos. It had been all they could do to stay standing, let alone find a private moment. There simply hadn't been time, and then…

And then it had all been over. He'd gone back to Green Earth and she'd returned to Orange Star, and they hadn't spoken since. Before long, even the idea of reaching out to Eagle had become complicated by the complex politics and shifting alliances of a changing world. Sami felt a twinge of bitterness at the memory. It was cruel that in war they had grown so close, only to be pulled apart by the very peace they had fought so hard to win.

She realised that he was finally looking her in the eye. Eagle always had such nobility, such strength in his bearing. Even now, resigned to meeting her gaze, he was filled with pride and certainty. If he was ashamed of the way he had acted, he made sure not to show it.

At last he began to speak. "Sami, how I feel about you hasn't changed. What we had was real. More than anything I want you to know that."

Had. Past tense. Sami's stomach suddenly tightened into a knot, and she began to feel faintly sick. It was the answer she had spent so long waiting for, and the confirmation of all her fears. The worst part was how quiet and calm he sounded. Sami wanted to scream and shout until he broke and gave her something – anything – so long as it was more than this pathetic trickle. She wanted the Eagle she knew, the Eagle who had won her heart. He was a man of vitality and passion, not this withdrawn and reserved statue.

"If that's the case, you're certainly not acting like it," Sami said, every effort going towards caging the fury that threatened to consume her voice.

He did not immediately answer. Those beautiful grey eyes were looking directly at her, but they were flat and empty. Their connection was gone. In that moment Sami realised that he had pulled away from her, and it shook her to the core.

"It isn't that simple," Eagle said after a time. "Our lives are too far removed from each other. I've missed you, Sami, more than you can know, and yet…"

Sami could only stare at him, incredulous. "And yet what?"

"It's become clear to me that we have no future," he said simply.

A new sensation ran over Sami, an unpleasant tingle almost like a shiver. Everything about this was wrong. She had seen the love in Eagle's eyes, and she had felt the strength of his feeling for her. It was real, more real than any bond she had ever known, and to hear him deliver the eulogy of their relationship with such dispassion was like a dagger to her heart.

"Surely you must have realised how difficult it would be for us to ever be together?" He asked, one eyebrow slightly raised.

"That didn't seem to bother you when we were in Omega Land," Sami snapped. "Or Green Earth."

"Things were different then." He offered her a rueful little smile. "The world was different then. Orange Star's dispute with Blue Moon has reminded me that we're bound by our conflicting loyalties."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It's too complicated, Sami." Eagle shook his head and looked away. "My place is in Green Earth, and yours is in Orange Star. We're too far apart. There's more longing and emptiness than anything else, and that isn't how things are supposed to be."

Sami's lips twisted into a black scowl. "You could have told me. For crying out loud, we could have at least talked about this!"

"Talked about what?" Eagle countered. "We both know the reality of our situation." He paused. "Besides, I didn't want to tell you in an email or phone call. You deserve better than that."

"I deserve better than seven months of nothing!"

That was not a charge Eagle could deny, judging by the way he closed his eyes and winced. "Very well. I concede that you may have a point. My conduct in this was not gentlemanly. I apologise."

The way he was acting was all wrong, Sami thought again. Even in admitting his error, if only in part, Eagle was being so stiff and formal. She put a hand to her forehead and rubbed, hard. The ripple of pain across her skin was a welcome respite from the swirl of anger and confusion in her gut. Physical pain she could handle, she understood.

"Look, Eagle, you've obviously had a lot of time to think about this," Sami said, trying to rein in her emotions. "It's just that I'm still trying to catch up, okay?"

He bowed his head. "I understand."

"Do you, or are you just saying that?" She hissed, unable to stop the scowl on her lips from growing.

"Sami –"

"No!" She slammed her hands down on the table as if in mockery of his earlier outburst. "I don't want to hear any more excuses!"

"Excuses?" He took a frustrated breath. "Do you think so little of me? I have told you nothing but the truth, Sami, I give you my word!"

Eagle made to say something else before with a jerk of his head he cut himself short and settled for glowering at her. Sami felt some amount of dark satisfaction at the sight. Her words had stung him, and at least in that reaction she could see something of the man she remembered. Some part of Sami knew it was unwise to provoke Eagle further, but she was too furious with him to stop.

"What made you realise?" She snarled.

"What?" He spat, glaring at her with indignation.

Sami shoved a breath out and shook her hair back from her eyes. The messy red tufts were spilling forward, and their faint touch against her skin was infuriating. She wanted to rip her hair out and throw it at him, to taint his pristine uniform with her memory. The weight of her dog tags around her neck was nagging at her as well. The cold metal felt wrong against her skin, so calm and cool; she was hot, and angry. How could Eagle be so self-centred as to decide the fate of their relationship all by himself? Sami could only think of one answer, one explanation, and the more she thought about it the angrier she grew.

Something within her snapped, and she tore her dog tags from around her neck. With a flick of her wrist she sent them careening into the table like a fatally wounded plane falling from the sky.

Eagle flinched as they crashed into the lacquered wood, leaving nothing but a brief scratch and a metallic whimper.

"You say you've come to realise all this," Sami said, her voice strangely smooth now that she had given into her fury. "That's a lie. You didn't just realise this, something made you realise it. Someone made you realise it. Didn't they?"

He stared at her for a long moment, his grey eyes hard as stone. At last he let out a long breath with a shudder and glanced away, his eyes lingering on the fallen dog tags.

"There is someone else," he admitted.

"Who is she?"

"Does it matter?"

Sami snorted and shook her head in disbelief. She'd thought Eagle was better than this. He had his faults, certainly, but she had always believed him to be a man of great honesty and integrity. How could he have left her dangling in limbo for months when he knew there was nothing left? The explanation was obvious. He had hidden behind excuses to avoid telling her the truth, all too happy to delay the awful confrontation. It had caught Sami off guard when he hadn't even spoken to her after the battle on the coast, citing the urgent need for their top command to coordinate, but now she knew the real reason for his silence. He'd run from her like a coward.

The thought sent a fresh wave of disgust flooding through her veins.

"You won't even tell me her name," Sami muttered.

She shook her head slowly, reeling from the sheer loathing she felt when she looked at this stranger standing before her with his prideful bearing and stony composure. She could barely comprehend what was happening within her. Everything was so confused, the powerful emotions of the past tainted by the shock and the anger this new discovery had provoked. Sami almost felt as if the world was spinning, and she was so aware of her heart thudding against her chest it was unbearable. How could Eagle have done this? Worse, how could he have been so craven to not even tell her the truth?

"If I hadn't cornered you in here, would you have bothered speaking to me at all?" She demanded.

Eagle's nostrils flared and Sami knew she had struck a nerve.

"Her name is Angel," he replied, his voice flat.

"Well, I suppose I can't compete with an angel."

He ignored her, his face taut and hard. He was walling off his emotions with ruthless determination, Sami realised. He was shutting her out.

"Green Earth has been doing everything possible to prepare for a potential conflict in the future," Eagle continued, his voice completely devoid of feeling now. "Since the war in Omega Land ended, Drake, Jess and myself have each been training a new commanding officer. Angel was assigned to me."

"I've never heard it called that before," Sami retorted, no longer caring how bitter and upset she sounded.

It didn't matter. Eagle did not respond to her remark at all, fixated upon his precious control. His gaze had locked onto her dog tags where they rested on the table, and he refused to look at her.

"Angel and I spent a great deal of time together over the past few months. We became close. It threw into sharp relief that which was missing." He went quiet for a second. "You and I were in separate worlds. I needed something else, something closer. What we had, it was…" He swallowed, and could not finish the sentence. "There was no way for us to be together. It was not enough."

Sami found herself at a total loss for words. Even if the perfect reply had come to her, she wouldn't have trusted her voice to hold whilst saying it. There was a strange feeling running through her, something deeper than the shock and the anger. Every sensation was growing stronger, the pounding of her heartbeat, the uneasy rhythm of her breathing, all so unsteady as she was overcome by this shakiness. Even her eyes felt hot and weak.

With a stab of panic Sami realised that she was about to cry.

Swiftly she turned away so that Eagle would not see. She wrenched her eyes shut and crossed her arms, digging her fingernails into her arms until there was only hard, burning pain. Sami refused to cry, zeroing in on her anger and contempt instead. She had no desire to let Eagle know how badly he had wounded her, and she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing her tears. He didn't deserve to witness those. Not any more.

Without warning Sami found herself imagining Andy and Nell standing outside the door, crouched over to listen through the keyhole. Focus on the mission, soldier. The thought brought a slight twinge of relief. It was an objective she could fixate on, and in so doing claw back some semblance of calm. Sami took a deep breath and opened her eyes, blinking until she was certain she could hold back her tears. Nell was expecting her to try and talk some sense into Eagle, and that was exactly what she'd damn well do.

"Black Hole," she said in the ramrod hard voice of a Special Forces captain, pivoting to face him again. "Will you commit to an alliance against them or not?"

Eagle blinked several times, and did not answer. This was clearly not what he had expected her to say next, Sami thought with no small pleasure.

"I… you know my concerns," he said after a time, confusion clouding his voice as he struggled to adjust to this new topic.

"I'm dismissing them," she snapped. "We'll commit to an alliance against Black Hole and only Black Hole. Call it upholding the Allied Nations Charter if you like. If Orange Star enters into a conflict with anyone else, you'll be considered a neutral party for the purposes of that war, and we'll make every effort to keep you as far away from it as we can."

There was uncertainty in Eagle's eyes as he considered that. "Blue Moon may not see things the same way."

"I don't give a damn how Blue Moon sees things!" Sami shouted. "You know as well as I do that stopping Black Hole is more important. Or was what you said about being first to strike just talk, like everything else?"

Eagle went silent. He closed his eyes and turned partly away, his face expressionless. "That is not fair."

"Isn't it?" Sami let out a small snort. "Then prove it. Besides, you owe us this."

Another long silence. "I suppose that's true."

"Then we're finished here. You can draw up the specifics with Nell."

With that the conversation was over. There was nothing more that needed to be said. Sami stormed out of the room without another word, slamming the door behind her and leaving Eagle to fade away in solitude. That was what he had wanted, she thought with another shiver. He had pushed her away, and cast her aside like she was nothing. It didn't matter how Eagle tried to justify this. There was no excuse for his cowardice, or his betrayal.

Her eyes grew hot again, and this time she could not hold back a few tears. Sami was too overwhelmed to even comprehend all she was feeling, and more than anything, she wanted to be alone. She did not want anyone to see her like this. Weak and foolish, overcome by heartbreak. Sami clenched her fists, took a deep breath, and tried to pull herself together. No matter how badly Eagle hurt her, she would not let him stop her from doing her duty. She had won a concession from him that an alliance was necessary. Next was to report that success to Nell.

What came after that, Sami did not know. All she knew was that whatever her future held, Eagle would not be the one to walk beside her.