A/N: Who's crazier, me for writing this, or you for reading it?
Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck
Sarah came into Chuck's office and saw Morgan sitting across from Chuck, looking dejected. "You and Anna having problems?"
"We got married," Morgan replied.
"What?" Sarah asked, stunned. She looked over at Chuck, who shrugged.
"She said it was for tax purposes," Morgan continued.
"So, you're not intimate?" Sarah asked.
Morgan looked up at her, confused. "I mean, what's your definition of intimate? Like when the person checks your safety bar on a roller coaster?"
"That is intimate," Chuck agreed.
"I was talking about sex," Sarah informed him.
"Oh, God, yes, we're having sex constantly, and I'm feeling a little dehydrated if you want to know the truth," Morgan replied.
"Probably a little TMI there, Buddy," Chuck said gently.
"Yeah, sorry. But…it's weird, she keeps telling me she loves me," Morgan continued.
"And you don't love her?" Sarah asked.
"NO! I mean, yes! I mean…I love her, but if I love her and she loves me….we're not married for tax purposes are we?" Sarah looked over at Chuck, confused.
"Buddy, have you thought that maybe Anna has trouble with emotions, and dealing with things?" Chuck offered.
"She has mentioned she doesn't like feelings that make her feel squishy," Morgan admitted. "And the other day I made a dad joke."
"It's inappropriate to make a "dad joke" if you are not a dad," Chuck told Morgan. "It's a faux pa." Sarah just stared at Chuck.
"You make dad jokes all the time," Sarah reminded him.
"I do not, they are puns," Chuck argued.
"So are you two going to have kids?" Morgan asked.
Sarah started to say something when Chuck quickly cut in. "He's not pressuring, Sarah, he's just a little upset." Sarah gave him a confused look. "See, Morgan had plans…engagement plans, marriage plans, and baby plans."
"He can still do all those things," Sarah pointed out, quite confused.
"No, they're for Chuck," Morgan explained. Sarah stared at him for a minute.
"Listen, the baby plan is still possible, but let it go for now," Chuck said softly to Morgan.
"Well, now I must know," Sarah said.
"You see," Morgan said, swatting away Chuck's attempted hand to cover Morgan's mouth. "First the love of his life must get pregnant with his son, which is you, in case you had any concerns about who that was."
"Damn well better be," she nearly growled. Chuck gulped.
"Anywho, once you get pregnant with his son, about a week or so before you're due, the car must continually be filled up with gas, because the hope is you go into labor, and the bouncing bundle of life is born in the car," Morgan continued.
"We were twelve, being stupid," Chuck said. Sarah waved for him to be quiet.
"And then…then," Morgan began.
"Wait," Chuck cut in. "I better do this part, you know how she gets," Chuck said to Morgan.
"You know, now that I think about it, I completely agree," Morgan said.
"We would then, name our son," Chuck paused for dramatic affect. "Carson."
"GET OUT!" Sarah yelled.
"Does she want me to leave?" Morgan asked.
"Nope, she's telling the idea she has going through her head to ravage me to go away," Chuck explained.
"Are you sure I shouldn't leave?" Morgan asked again. "Like, are you sure she won't do it with me here?"
Chuck glanced over to his wife. "Ninety-five percent sure?" Chuck offered. Morgan fled. Chuck turned to his wife. "Are you mad at me?"
"Why would you think that?" Sarah asked.
"Well, yesterday we went to the store, and I bent over to get a cart, and you didn't pat my ass like you always do," Chuck began.
"I was trying to find my keys," Sarah told him. "By the time you stood up I assumed that my 'ass patting' time had passed."
"That's not the only thing," Chuck continued. "I swear there are more throw pillows on the couch."
"There are, but only because Ellie had a few she wasn't using and they matched the decorations we have," Sarah told him. Chuck stared at her. "What, can't I be 'girly' every once in a while."
"You can," Chuck assured her. "It's just…I feel like you're mad."
She leaned in towards him. "You've told me dad jokes, and you're not a dad. You've told me what our sons name is going to be."
"Wait, I was a kid then," Chuck said quickly.
"Doesn't matter," Sarah told him. "It just means we have to keep trying until we have a boy."
"Oh boy," Chuck said, bouncing his eyebrows.
"I feel like you're only putting some of the moves on me, though. I'm not feeling like you're giving me…the whole….shebang."
"You want the whole….shebang?" Chuck asked.
"God, yes," Sarah nearly whimpered.
"There's a middle school that recently voted to change their mascot," Chuck began.
"Is this the middle school our children will attend?" Sarah asked.
"Sarah, focus," he told her.
"Baby….I'ma focusing. I'm. A. Fo. Cus. Ing," Sarah told him. Chuck winked at her, and she had to fan herself.
"Now, the school was located in a small town, that most would call an agricultural area," Chuck continued. "However, the folks there were progressive, and felt that it was time that the school had a female mascot."
"That's progressive?" Sarah asked with a flat voice.
"Listen, all I do is tell the story, not judge them, but I see what you're saying," Chuck agreed.
"I don't know if I want our boys and daughters going to this school," Sarah told him.
"How many kids are we having?" Chuck asked her.
"Hard to say," Sarah said with a shrug. "I will need to keep in practice even when we aren't having kids."
"So you're saying I have to-" That was as far as Chuck got because Sarah was clamping his lips shut with her fingers.
"You have to earn the right to say that phrase, and recently, you haven't done the best job," Sarah told him.
"This story?" Chuck asked, after she removed her hand.
"It has potential to earn that right," Sarah told him, sitting back, crossing her legs, and watching Chuck, watching her cross her legs. "Continue…please."
Chuck cleared his throat. "After a lengthy debate, they decided they had three choices for the mascot."
"I can't wait to hear what they were," Sarah said.
"The choices were a female sheep, a female goat, and a female deer," Chuck told her.
"Interesting," Sarah commented, uncrossing her legs and cross them the other direction. "Continue."
Chuck blinked and gathered himself. "After a long campaign, a series of debates, and a day of students voting yes or no on each, the principal stood before his students and announced that, in a unanimous vote, the new school mascot would be a female sheep."
Sarah leaned forward. "Give it to me," she said softly.
Chuck leaned forward, and spoke softly, Sarah holding on his every word. "It seems that even after all the campaigning, debate, and division, the student body, like me, only had Ayes for Ewe."
Sarah sat back, stood, and walked out of the room. Chuck held up three fingers, and slowly lowered them. As the last fell, the door opened, Sarah stepped back in, shut the door and leaned against it. "It was suitable," she said softly, a grin on her face, and one arm behind her back.
Chuck stood, came around the desk, walked over to her, leaned forward, placing a hand over her shoulder, supporting himself with that hand against the door. "Well," he said in a low voice, that nearly made her shudder. "I promise, I will be much more than suitable when I." He paused, and watched Sarah gulp and lick her lips. "Pleasure you," he said in the softest voice. Chuck heard the door lock behind her.
"HR Violations," she got out in a strained voice, and then grabbed his jacket, pulled him to her, and kissed him senseless.
Morgan walked up to Chuck's door, ready to knock, as he heard a thump against it. He spun, and turned, his hand still raised. "It's a miracle anyone gets any work done around here," he groused, walking away.
A/N: For the love of God.