A/N: Hi. Look, this fic has gotten suggestive in the past, but this chapter…it might be too much. If so, I'm sorry. This chapter is probably purely for my own therapy, so I hope you enjoy it, and if it went to far…well, I'm sorry.
Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck
It was the Monday before Thanksgiving, and Sarah opened the door to her husband's office. She started to speak when she saw him looking at his computer screen….well, that wasn't quite right. He was sitting there, with his head in his hands.
"Hey, you okay?" she asked. Chuck raised his head to look at her, started to answer a few times, gave up, shook his head, and put his head back in his hands. She crossed the room, and sat down in his lap. He quickly looked up at her. "This isn't that type of consoling," she told him. That made him smile.
"Lester is back," Chuck said. Sarah took a deep breath. "He's tired of Germany, and wants to work here again."
"Did you remind him of the HR issues?" Sarah asked.
"Well, see, that's thing, either we have to fire Morgan to keep him away, or he gets to come back," Chuck explained.
"Wait, what?" Sarah asked. She turned toward the computer, to look at the email.
"I mean, it looks bad," Chuck began.
"Is this on us for hiring someone who actually understands HR?" Sarah asked. Chuck gave her a flat look, and she just shrugged. "Why doesn't HR give us warnings?"
Chuck reached over, and double-clicked an email folder. "Two hundred and seven?" Sarah asked. "I feel that's low." Chuck shook his head. "Uh, seriously, how do we still have our jobs?"
"It's us or Lester," Chuck told her.
"Oh, so easy decision," Sarah replied, nodding. "So what did Morgan do?"
"Lester goaded him," Chuck explained. "See, he was visiting, and told everyone how he was the best turkey fryer in all of California."
"But frying turkeys….that's Morgan's obsession," Sarah told him.
"Yep," Chuck replied. "Lester actually had a good plan for once. He paid off Skip to help him."
"Skip?" Sarah asked.
"Lester bought him a lifetime membership to different….uh…adult….yes, let's go with adult websites," Chuck explained.
"How adult?" Sarah asked.
"I'm not old enough to be on them," Chuck said.
Sarah made a clicking sound with her teeth. "Sir, we both know you could probably teach them some things."
"Let's keep that under our hat," Chuck told her. "Anywhoosel, Lester kept goading Morgan and finally Lester said the only way to know was for them to have a turk-off.
"A…turk-off?" Sarah said.
"He had Morgan so upset, Morgan yelled, "Fine, we'll have a turk-off…which drew a crowd."
"Oh, God," Sarah muttered.
"Skip joined in, and Morgan said he'd turk-off with both of them at the same time," Chuck continued.
"Jesus," Sarah said, slumping forward, and putting her face in her hands.
"He went on to say, he would turk-off everyone in the building to prove he's the best. He said it would be the best turk-off ever," Chuck concluded.
"He said all of that, huh?" Sarah asked.
"Yelled it…" Chuck corrected, making Sarah groan. "So, Lester says he should be allowed back if Morgan can say things like that."
"Should he now?" Sarah asked. She pulled out her phone, clicked a few buttons, scrolled through something, selected it, hit a button, and a whoosh noise was made. She reached over, and played with Chuck's curls.
"What did you do?" Chuck asked.
Sarah winked at him, and at that moment, Chuck's door flew open. Lester stood there, pale. "Uh, I have to go back to Germany."
"Right now?" Chuck asked.
"Yes, right now, don't stand," Lester said. Sarah gave him a flat look. "I have to go. It's…it's an emergency."
"Good-bye," Sarah said, and Lester fled.
"What did you do?" Chuck asked.
"I just so happened to have kept several emails Lester had sent me that were inappropriate," Sarah said with a shrug. "You know, what led to me and you originally meeting? Now, I've solved your problem, how about you solve mine?"
"First, I'm not a violent man, but should I see these emails and have a talk with Lester?" Chuck asked.
"Absolutely not," Sarah told him. "That would give us more trouble with my problem."
"So, what is your problem?" Chuck asked.
"I'm not pregnant," Sarah told him.
"Is it me?" Chuck asked. Sarah grinned at him. "I mean…am I…"
"No, everything is healthy," Sarah said. Chuck started to say something. "Please ask," Sarah pleaded.
"So, that…ahem…specimen you needed a few days ago…."
"It was for a test," Sarah admitted.
"And not for insurance purposes," Chuck finished. Sarah shook her head. "But you kept the uniform, right?" he asked in a low voice. She winked at him, and felt him shiver underneath him.
"I've also been tested, and it's not me," Sarah continued.
"Well, we're kinda the only two involved, right?"
"You know we are," she told him.
"Do I need to…" he began.
"Don't say it," she said in a low, warning voice.
"Pleasure you more?" he asked. She shivered the same way he did earlier.
"No, you are doing fine in that department," Sarah said. "But I think the problem is you're holding back."
"I'm holding back?" Chuck asked.
"With your jokes," she explained.
Chuck was silent for a moment. "A man was searching for a great treasure," he began. Sarah jumped up, ran around the table, and sat in the chair across from him. "Why'd you leave?"
"Didn't want to mess up your telling your story," she told him.
"Fair," Chuck agreed. "He found the treasure, but a great Sphinx was guarding it. The Sphinx studied the human, and then spoke. 'You must solve my riddle, or die.'"
"Here we go," Sarah muttered, her eyes flashing.
"The man countered, 'Alternate option: you endure ten minutes of my best puns or give me the treasure.' The Sphinx laughed, and replied smugly, 'Foolish human, you have doomed yourself. I am the king of verbal sparring. Begin.'"
"I need a second," Sarah said. Chuck waited. She nodded. "Okay, give it to me."
Chuck winked at her, and she visibly shuddered. "Okay, but you don't know the catastrophe you've brought down on your head."
Sarah closed her eyes at that one.
Chuck continued. "The Sphinx asked, 'Was that a….cat… pun?' The man replied, 'It's pawsible.'"
Sarah breathed heavily through her nose. "Keep going," she said.
"The Sphinx asked, 'Because I am part feline?' The man answered, 'I would be lion if I said no.'"
Sarah groaned audibly. "Chuck," she said.
Chuck continued. "The Sphinx found his eye twitching."
"I think my eye is twitching among other things…." Sarah muttered.
"'I thought you said these were your best puns.'" Chuck leaned forward, and looked Sarah right in the eyes. The man replied, "These are purrfect puns! Don't throw a hissy fit just because you inclawrectly infured a claws in the agreement. I gave you an oppurrtunity and you pounced on it, so you can't say the game's unpharaoh now. And if you were half the man you think you are, you wouldn't be in deNile about the Tutuncommon supurriority of my puns. You're kitten yourself if you thought I'd just Moses on into your stomach without a catfight. Are you scarab yet? Because I can tail these till the great river runs dry,'"
Chuck stopped as Sarah stood, walked over, and locked his door. She turned back to him, a glimmer in her eye.
Chuck finished the story. "The Sphinx replied, 'Oh my Ra stop stop stop here just take it!'"
"That's what she said," Sarah said, stalking toward him.
Outside, Morgan hurried to Chuck's door to tell him the good news about Lester leaving and him not being in trouble. He tried the door, and found it locked. He put his ear up to the door.
"Is that a roar I hear?" Morgan asked out loud. A crash inside, made him jump back. "Oh," he said, and turned around, getting red faced. He saw the human resource employee walking toward Chuck's office. "Oh, dear, not again," he said, as he rushed to her, to try and think of something to convince her to go somewhere else.
A/N: ….I …..I got nuttin. Take care fam.