Dear Diary,

I think I might have a crush on Luz.

Let me rephrase that, I know I have a crush on Luz. I'm just not sure if I'm fully ready to admit it to myself yet.

These past few days have just been one sign after the other for me. I tried my hardest to ignore them, but I just couldn't when it was sometimes literally right in front of my face.

At the beginning of the term, Mom made Principal Bump stick me in some random oracle track elective, despite my pleas to let me enroll in one of the abomination electives I had been looking forward to taking since last year. I don't know why she'd want it, since I know she'd want me to study strictly on the abomination track. But she said that it would be useful to have a few oracle skills for when I'm working for the Emperor's Coven, I'd be a jack-of-all-trades.

He must have owed her a favor of some sort.

Anyways, we were starting the tasseography unit on Scursday, and Celine and I were reading our tea leaves together. The teacher had asked us to focus on something we wanted to gain in the next few months. I didn't have one specific thing, so I decided to leave it to fate and see what the leaves had to say. I sipped the tea thinking of success, nothing distinct, just the word success over and over. When we were almost done drinking it, we began the swirling ritual our textbook told us to do, and we drained the cups onto our saucers. When we were done, we picked them back up and tried to match our readings to descriptions in the book.

Celine got a hammer and a dagger in her cup, which meant that she would overcome challenges with the help of her friends. I didn't pry into what it meant, but I told her I was happy for her, regardless of what the outcome was. Her reading was actually pretty straight forward for her, unlike mine.

In my cup, there was an angel and a bouquet of flowers. There was a wavy line connecting them, too. According to the textbook, it meant that I would receive some sort of good, love-related news, and some form of success. I asked Celine what the line connecting them meant, and she said it signified a difficult journey in one's life.

I know I'm so privileged to say this, but my life has been pretty easy so far, save for some of the more minor social aspects of it. I was born healthy into a wealthy family and have always had some form of support behind me. I've worked for a lot, but I've also had quite a few things handed to me, whether I wanted it or not. I know there are dozens of people who want to be me, and sometimes I'd love to give them my spot.

But, that's beside the point. I've never really thought about what success means to me. Right now, it's just getting into the Emperor's Coven after graduating from Hexside. But after that, I don't have anything in mind. And I don't have a backup plan on the off chance that I don't get in, I've been working so that I don't have to have one. And mom is scaring me enough so that I don't have one. And I've never really thought about love as it relates to my success either. In all the sappy romance novels I've read, it's always been love that saves the day, and love is what makes everyone happy. In the end, I know I would probably be happy enough with the right girl, but I had no clue who that was up until recently. I guess I now have a potential candidate.

Later that day, I was grabbing my stuff from my locker and mentally prepping myself for the rest of the afternoon when Luz popped up behind me. I will admit, she did scare me a little, but I now think it was a little more than the sudden greeting that made my heart race the way it did. She told me she had a test for one of her abomination classes next week, and that I was the only person who she thought could help her.

I told her I was flattered, but asked why Eda couldn't help her. She then went into this long story about how she did initially go to her for help, and that everything was actually going well until Eda accidentally made one of them "capture" Luz and they had to spend hours bartering her safe return with them.

I was only partially paying attention to her story, all I could think was "Me, all alone? With her?" It's not like I had any problem with it, we've just never been alone together before. Even when we were fixing Willow's memories, we still had an audience, even if it was just multiple versions of one person. I couldn't help but wonder why I was so worried about us being alone, though.

Mom's advice of taking everything as an opportunity started ringing in my head, maybe it would actually be useful to me for once. I told myself, and Luz, that I would start being nicer to her, so why not take this chance to get to know her better. We haven't gotten to do much as far as "bonding" goes, since every time we're together, some sort of life-threatening situation isn't far behind us. Plus, it would give me a chance to hone my skills, even if it's just revisiting the basics.

Part of me still wanted to lie and say that I was busy preparing for my own exam, but she gave me these big sparkly eyes that I somehow couldn't resist saying no to. So, against some of my better judgement, I agreed to help her. She exploded in a slew of thank yous and grabbed me into a huge hug. I felt my cheeks redden at her touch.

"Why would I be embarrassed?" I thought to myself while hugging her back. "Luz is a good person, there's no reason for me to be ashamed of being around her."

I don't think she noticed the blush, I'm actually kinda thankful she didn't. We planned to walk back to her house together after school the next day, and headed our separate ways to our next classes.

The next day went about the same as the one before it, the only difference being my mind "oddly" being preoccupied with thoughts of what may transpire that afternoon. At least, odd is what I used to call it. I was kind of weirded out, Luz was always just an afterthought, even when we started to become closer.

But now, something felt different.

Never before has anyone consumed my thoughts the way Luz did that day. There wasn't anything awfully intimate brewing, and she wasn't every single thought that was flowing through my head. But she seemed to find a way to sneak into a lot of them, and then my mind would wander into more thoughts, and- okay, maybe she was on my mind a bit more than I thought. But, I just shook it off as anticipation of looking forward to me focusing on her because we were gonna study together. And that was it.

Or so I thought.

The bell signaling the end of the school day finally screamed, pulling me out of yet another daydream. I walked out of class to meet Luz on the steps of the school, and we began our trek to her house. We had some general conversations about how our days went and the homework we got. Luckily, neither of us had a lot to do. A few boring topics later, we found ourselves talking about Azura, specifically some of the theories we had about the next book in the series. Watching and listening to her passion about them drew me deeper and deeper into the conversation, I was hanging onto every word. Regardless of my feelings, it was nice getting to talk to someone outside of my family and my little clique for once. I knew I wasn't going to get one-upped or have to bring someone down.

It felt good!

Eventually, we made it to her house, where we were greeted by that annoying bird demon thing. Luz formally introduced me to it, apparently his name is Hooty (how original for an owl), and he's been there for Titan knows how long. He kept wanting to talk to us, but Luz pulled me away saying we had better things to do. We left it blabbering outside, and made our way into the house. I guess Eda knew we were coming, there were some scaryaki pixie sticks and cheesy eye puffs spread out for us on her dining room table. Luz found the note she left us, and it said that she and King wouldn't be back from errands until after sundown.

So the universe reallly wanted us to be alone, huh?

We ate our snacks and continued our discussion from the walk home, then moved back out to the front of the house, in case things got messy. Better having to hose off the wall (would Hooty like that?) than having to mop the floors and pull gunk out of the carpets, after all!

For her test, Luz said she needed to summon an abomination to defend her from a classmate's attacking abomination, and to summon one to send back onto the classmate. She told me that she knew the basics, but she was having trouble getting them to do exactly what she wanted to do. I had her do a mock demonstration, her and her abomination against me and my abomination, just to see where she was at. She decided that she wanted to go on the defense first, so I sent one onto her.

When I yelled the command, I noticed that Luz slightly flinched, I don't know if it was because I scared her or if it was a flashback to the first time we met. Either way, I felt bad, but I couldn't say anything because we were so focused on our practice run.

Her defense skills were pretty good at first, but when I decided to up the ante, she started to falter a bit. I took a mental note of a few points she could improve upon, then told her that we should switch roles. She sent her abomination onto me, and I put up one to defend me. Again, her skills were quite commendable, especially with the little skills she knows. But, I still found some areas that she could fix.

I gave her a quick review of what I found, and told her what to fix. We went thorugh the demo a few more times, and she got a lot better at it! I showed her a defense spell, similar to the one Emira showed me before the pre-term exams. That made me think back to the day of the basilisk attack, and I couldn't help but think of the panic attack I had, and who snapped me out of it. I lost focus for a sec, and the abomination started to go a little crazy. She caught onto me, and asked if I was okay. Coming out of my thoughts, I told her I was, and suggested we take a quick break, a recharge of sorts, since I know abomination magic can take a lot out of someone. Well, at least out of a witch, at least. I don't know how exactly it affects humans just yet.

On our break, Luz asked me if I could build anything else with abomination goo, aside from the sentient beings. I said yes, and began to show her a few shapes I could make. She squealed and said it reminded her of something she managed to bring with her from the human realm, and she ran up to her room to go grab it. In her absence, I continued messing with the goo, a guilty pleasure of mine since we weren't allowed to do it in class and mom doesn't like me using it for anything but training purposes. Mindlessly, I made it into a cat, then into a mini me. I let "her" run around for a second before reverting it back to a pile of goo. Then, in a lapse of something that is beyond me, I accidentally created a... certain someone.

It had her hair, her smile, her everything.

"Amity, I found my Play-DUMPH!-" she yelled as she walked back outside. Not wanting her to catch the mini statue I had just created, I quickly smashed "her" back into the goo form, returning it to its normal state and covering us both in a sticky purple mess in the process. Her sentence was interrupted as some of it flew onto her mouth, silencing her.

I felt my face go crimson, warm waves of embarrassment radiating off my cheeks, and I tried stammering out an apology. I just couldn't seem to get any words out, and I stood there blabbering like an idiot. Luckily, Luz was able to get the goo that landed on her mouth off quickly, and she tried to tell me it was okay while stifling a laugh. It didn't work, and she busted out laughing at the situation. I tried to chuckle along, but the embarrassment of it all was just too much for me. Luz noticed my expression, and quickly stopped laughing. She asked me if I was okay, and I nodded, telling her I was fine. She knew something was up, and came over to give me a hug. She told me that it was okay, no one was hurt or dead, and she knew that it was just a silly accident. I knew she was right, but I couldn't help but feel embarrassed.

Titan, why was I so afraid of messing up in front of her? Or better yet, making her look stupid or shutting her up. A month or so ago, I would have taken pride in doing exactly that. But now, I couldn't imagine watching someone do that to her, let alone do it myself. So what's changed?

Trying to make me feel better, she led me to the kitchen and tried to get us cleaned up. She let me head to the sink first, and I attempted to get the now semi-dried goo off of my face, arms, and legs. My hair and clothes were a different story, though, I had to handle them at home later. As I was about to let her use the sink, she stopped me, and said that I missed a spot. She grabbed a washcloth and asked if she could touch me. I told her okay, and she dragged the cloth from the bottom of my ear to about halfway down my jawline, swiping it up to get the little remnants of goo.

Here came the blush again... hooray!

Noticing the red trickling back onto my cheeks, she asked me again if I was okay, telling me I felt a little warm. I told her that yes, I was, I just had a really long day. I apologized again for the abomination of a study session we had (no pun intended). She told me that she actually really enjoyed the day and hanging out with me mishap and all. She said it was a good change of pace from the crazy situations that she often found herself in.

I felt my heart flutter as she said that first part. I couldn't explain why, but something about it made me happy.

After both of us had cleaned up, I decided it was time to walk home, despite Luz's pleas to stay for dinner as a thank you for my help. I didn't want to be a burden on her or Eda any more than I probably was that day, so I said that my parents were expecting me back soon. She said something along the lines of "okay, maybe next time then" as we were parting ways.

Next time, huh?

I wanted to kick myself on the walk home. That day was such a disaster, all thanks to me. I don't think I've ever been so happy for a few days off from school before, I don't think I could have faced her the next day.

When I arrived home, I closed the front door and sunk down the back of it, the day's events replaying in my mind. I groaned and stuck my head down between my legs, curled up in a little ball. Luckily for me, Emira decided to walk into the kitchen and saw me in my pitiful state. She asked me if I was okay (I was getting so tired of hearing that question) and I gave her the "long day" line I had given Luz. Technically, I was telling the truth, but I didn't want anyone to know what had made it so long for me. She asked me if I wanted to talk about it, and I said that it was fine. She started to leave, saying that if I needed anything I could talk with her.

I don't know what compelled me to do it, but I stopped her and asked something I never thought I would: "what does having a crush feel like?"

She paused and gave it a thought. She said that I might notice things like not being able to speak correctly around them, or you I get some tingly bloodyfly feelings in the pit of my stomach and my heart starts to race. She also that they might be on my mind a lot, and that I wouldn't want to see anything bad happen to them or upset them. She asked me why I was asking, and I quickly said "oh, no reason. Gotta go, see you later!" and ran up to my room.

I threw my stuff down and launched myself onto my bed. The moment my body hit the sheets, the realization hit me: I have a crush on Luz. I sat up, in shock, and replayed those words in my mind.

I. Have. A. Crush. On. Luz.

Holy Titan.

So. This is what love feels like, huh? That would explain all the daydreaming I've been doing lately. And why I turn like 20 shades of red whenever I see her. And why my body temperature goes up like 1000 degrees when she enters the room. And why I was so freaked out about her seeing the little abomination I made of her earlier. And why I've neem rambling to you so much about her. It's almost like Emira knew everything that's been going on in my head lately, she literally hit all the checkmarks. (Note to self, ask the twins where they were this afternoon. It seems a little too coincidental that Emira knew so much about what I was feeling. I mean, maybe she's felt those feelings herself before, I've just never seen her with anyone that would have done that to her.)

Now that I think about it, the tea leaves are starting to make a little more sense. Maybe the realization was the good news? Or will there be something else after? I guess only time will tell.

What do I do now? Do I test the waters with her to see if the feelings are mutual? Do I just hold the feelings in? I wouldn't want to risk ruining anything between us, especially since we just became friends. And speaking of that, where did the crush come from? Like, I used to think she was annoying to no end, but she obviously grew enough on me that I caught feelings for her. Maybe I was jealous of her, for being able to fit in so easily and having the kind of friends that I wish I could have. But hey, bygones are bygones. We're okay now, or at least I'd like to think so. Ugh, I'm so used to knowing everything, why is this the one thing I don't know anything about? It's not like I can just go up to her and just tell her how I feel? I think writing in here is the closest I'll get to actually saying anything about it.

WAIT- I JUST HAD THE BEST IDEA! I'LL KEEP YOU POSTED, I JUST HAVE TO FLESH IT OUT A LITTLE MORE.

Okay, after reading back, maybe I am a little more than ready to admit that I'm crushing on Luz. And I think a certain event could help me out with that. Wish me luck!

Hopelessly in love,
Amity

Hey y'all, I'm back! It's been a hot minute since the last chapter, that's all on me! I've been super busy moving back to college and starting my second year as an RA. Classes just started this week, so I figured why not take the free time I have to finish this chapter. With that, I don't think this story will have an upload schedule, just due to how varied my schedule can be every week. But, I still plan on writing during the year, as of right now. I hope you all enjoyed the chapter!

PS: There's a slight Little Miss Perfect and a slight Dead End: Paranormal Park reference in this chapter. If you find them both, you get a free virtual cookie.