Dear Diary,

Holy Titan I just kissed Luz.

Okay, so it wasn't a kiss kiss, just a kiss on the cheek. Nonetheless, I am a complete wreck right now.

I seriously don't know what came over me. Like, I know I was beyond grateful for her for getting my job back, and she was so beautiful, even with the stains, scratches and, and tears in her clothes. She looks perfect in pretty much everything, anyways.

Titan, that girl has me in a chokehold.

To top this all off, I did it after she got me I got myself I was fired from the library.

I know I can't really blame her, it was me wanted to help her find Phillip's diary. It was me who let her into the forbidden stacks, even with everything inside of me screaming for me to do otherwise. I let my heart lead instead of my brain, I guess that's been a recurring trend of the day. Heck, a recurring trend for as long as I've known her.

When Malphas found us, he quickly took us out the front doors, and said he was super disappointed in me. I'm used to that from Mom, but I've never wanted to hear that from someone who has given me so much in so little time. I couldn't even look him in the eyes as he took my staff card from me, then floated back inside to assess our damage and continue with whatever tasks he was doing.

It took everything in me to not start bawling when the door slammed in front of me. Luz tried to apologize, but my heart just couldn't take it. At the time it seemed like an irreparable act, but I knew it was on me. I told her that being around her made me do stupid things, and that I wished that it didn't. I happened to look over to her, and I saw her trying to keep a straight face while wiping tears away from her eyes. She told me that she did some stupid things for me too.

At that point, I had to go home. There was just too much swirling around in my head, and I needed some time to process it. On my slow journey back to my bed, her words rang in my memories, and eventually, I decided to grasp on the very last one she said to me.

Too. TOO?

I know Luz only wants to help when she jumps into these crazy situations. Like during Grom, she didn't want to see me have to face my fear (even though she ended up seeing some of it anyways). Or when stepped in as my replacement for my parent's demonstrations to get her and our friends back into school. But, is there some sort of motive behind it? She does it for Willow and Gus too, but I know she does it out of friendship.

Titan above, if there is even the slightest chance that Luz happens to like me back, please show me a sign soon. I'd rather have the pain of knowing she doesn't like girls before I suggest anything than the pain of rejection afterwards. We haven't really had an opportunity to talk about it before, but I do know she's at least respectful of a relationship like that.

I arrived home, and slid up to my room, hoping that no one would notice my early return. I crept up the stairs, but I accidentally hit the squeakiest one of the bunch in my daze. Ed and Em automatically called for me, knowing that mom was away discussing Abomiton matters with Emperor Belos, and Dad would be in the workshop at the factory until an ungodly hour working. I'm honestly really glad that they weren't home, I didn't have the energy to deal with the questions and prodding and eventual two hours of lecturing from either of them.

I silently cursed the step, then slowly walked into their room, trying to put on a brave face to hide what happened. Ed looked like was in the middle of picking an outfit for his date, and Em kept shaking her head at the tragic combinations he put together. They both asked why I was home so early, and Ed teasingly asked me if I got fired in the first month. I flinched when he said that, but quickly tried to return to my poker face. Of course, they saw straight through me, and asked about my day. Em even invited me to sit down so she could brush my hair, just like she did when I was a kid. I told them about everything, and they agreed that Malphas was being a huge jerk. At least, that's how Ed put it, anyways.

While having the conversation with the twins, I finally "came clean" about my crush on Luz. I know it was as clear as day to almost everyone except me, but it felt pretty nice to finally get the words out. I got to vent out all my feelings about her, and tell them that ever since she came to the Isles, everything has gotten confusing for me. About how I'm thinking about things that I've never thought about before, and how I'm feeling things that I never used to feel. Em jumped in, and asked me if any of this was actually a bad thing for me. She reminded me how I wasn't truly happy until Luz arrived.

She was right. Before Luz showed up, I had this mirage of happiness, back when I wanted to be the top student who would eventually hold Miss Lilith's job someday. The person who would take anyone or anything that stood in her way down, and would fight for herself and only herself. The girl who only did what her parents said, as they always knew best for her future. But, it was all a facade.

Luz makes me happy. Willow and Gus make me happy. The twins make me happy (don't tell them I said that, though). Doing things for me makes me happy. And it's all because of her.

To try to distract me from the day I had, Em suggested that we dye my hair. My roots were starting to show, so I knew I needed to do it soon anyways, before Mom noticed and ordered a heavy-handed Abomiton to do it for me again. Em shook the bottle of green dye, egging me on to drown my sorrows in the pool of pigment.

I decided to make myself even happier.

I've been eyeing a cut I saw on this random girl's Penstagram account for a while now, it was some type of a pixie cut with sone short bangs. I showed the picture to Emira, and she said she would attempt to make me look as cute as the model. I also told her that it was time for a different dye, and that purple sounded great to me. It's my favorite color, so why not make it my hair color?

Almost as soon as I got my first look at my new hairdo, there was a knock at the door. Of course, the one person. who I did not want to see was standing there. But, I perked up a bit when I noticed my staff card in her hand. She told me about everything she did to prove my worth to Malphas, all of it for me.

The echo mouse that caused all of this to happen joined us, jumping out of Luz's hood and onto the ground. I got to explain to her what it did, then we saw Philip's first entry together. He said he humbly donated his journal to the ages, and talked about the adventures he planned to go in while in our realm. He sounds like such a valiant guy, I wonder how the rest of his entries are.

Then, the kiss happened after I told her she always had a way of sneaking into people's hearts, and all I could do was run back into the house while blabbering some nonsense, a red hot blush coating my face. I vaguely heard Edric say something from the window above us, but the ruining in my ears drowned it out. All I could think before getting in was "why did I do that, but the moment I slumped behind the slammed door, it turned into a "holy shit, I just kissed the girl of my dreams." I don't even know what she did after I left her outside my house.

I ran straight to my bedroom and locked the door, barring it with a spell that would rocket the twins straight back to their bedrooms if they so much as got five feet near my door. I'm gonna be honest, I just stared blankly at the wall for pretty much the rest of the night. There wasn't much I could do, except spiral into the "does she like me, does she not" debate I have been having with myself since Grom.

Needless to say, this has been one of the absolute craziest days of my life.

What in the name of the Titan happened today,
Amity