A/N: Trigger warning for panic attacks starting at, "Auden was no longer on the screen."

The Thing About Games

what do u think of this? xo

Along with the text came a litany of kissy face emojis and picture of Brayden wearing a dress that exposed far too much skin, purely for shock value. Kase didn't pay it any mind. He rolled his eyes and pocketed his phone. He wasn't going to respond. He wasn't going to play her game.

He wasn't.

But.

The thing about games was, Kase was terrible at them.

He forgot about the text and pushed open the double doors to the dining room. As usual, he was last to arrive. Gen and Neelam were already sitting adjacent to one another, Gen reading the paper and Neelam buttering a slice of toast, but not eating it. She had a heaping plate of untouched food in front of her but was still buttering the one piece.

"Morning!" Kase snagged an apple out of the bowl of fruit and took a noisy bite. "How're my favorite girls?"

Abruptly, Neelam shot out of her chair and threw her napkin on the table. Kase could have sworn there were tears in her eyes as she said, "Excuse me," and ran out of the dining room.

Gen frowned, staring over her paper at seat her wife just vacated as if it were the greatest mystery in the universe.

"Did I do something? Do I smell?" Kase not-so-subtly lifted his arm to take a whiff. He had just showered last night! "Why is she so upset?"

"She got her period."

"Wow, I didn't realize old married lesbians could be so misogynistic." Gen leveled Kase a glare, but he barreled on. "So what, no sex? Actually no, don't answer that, I don't wanna know."

"The urge to traumatize you is strong," Gen replied and speared a chunk of strawberry on her fork. "Don't you have something better to be doing? Like building paper mâché trees? Or entertaining Manon?"

"I'm going to the theater later this afternoon." The thought of another day of hand-stitching crystals into dozens of tutus made his hands ache. "Neelam runs a tight ship. At this rate, we'll be done ahead of schedule."

"It's important to her that this goes off without a hitch. She's thrown so much of herself into it."

That sounded like a phrase with many meanings. Kase, however, didn't have the energy to deal with whatever lied underneath. At least not until he got his coffee.

He was stirring in the dredges of the cup of cream when a man barged into the dining room without invitation. Kase was the only man allowed to do that, since he was the only man of royal rank, and even being a prince he should have adhered to tradition and waited for Gen and Neelam to let him in. But they were family. This man was definitely not family, but he was dressed too finely in a pressed, grey suit to be a servant.

The intruder pressed a kerchief to his sweaty bald forehead, scraped a hasty bow, and said, "Votre Majesté, you should see this."

Something had this man spooked. He looked like he'd run all the way here.

Gen set down her paper and let the man turn on the TV mounted on the far wall. It flickered to life, and he clicked onto the appropriate channel. Of course, it had to be something boring like the news.

At least something good was playing, for once. It was coverage of Auden's engagement parade. Kase had meant to get up early and watch some, but he had stayed up too late with a bottle of wine.

Auden stole the show, a vision in white as she waved from the seat of her carriage. Kase felt a pang of pride at seeing how well she appeared to embrace her new role. She belonged there, in Portugal by that prince's side.

The parade itself was a spectacle to behold: people lined up by the hundreds, thousands. Everyone begging to get a glimpse of the happy couple. It reminded Kase of the time he took Drina on a horse-drawn carriage ride through the snow of St. Petersburg. How the press had found them, followed them all through the city and the scenic roads, but they didn't care how many pictures were taken. They were so happy, so in love. And Drina was so beautiful, white flakes heavy on her pale lashes, her smile as red as the berries growing on the trees.

Lost in memories, Kase didn't notice that the reel had taken on a different tone. Chaos.

The headline read: One dead, four injured in royal assassination attempt.

Auden was no longer on the screen.

Auden was...Auden was -

Kase slid from his chair, stumbled to the wall, slid all the way down. His ears rung with high-pitched buzzing, angry as the swarm of bees in his throat. He couldn't breathe.

Auden was dea-

He couldn't think it. Couldn't say it.

He couldn't breathe.

"Hey, look at me," someone said, barely cutting through the static. His vision swam, colors and shapes coming in and out of focus. They looked a hell of a lot like Gen. "Look at me, Kasey. Auden's fine, she's fine. Just look at me."

Kase shook his head, ducked it down between his knees and weaved his fingers through his hair and pulled. Pulled so tight he might rip chunks out. The pain was barely enough to cut through the insanity.

Where was Titus? Titus should be here. Titus always made him feel better, always knew what to do. And wasn't it funny that out of all the therapists money could buy, a dog still knew how to help him best?

"Just breathe." Gen took a deep breath in, placing Kase's hand on her collarbone so he could feel her chest expand. "In and out. Do it with me."

Dangerous, Gen, letting me so close to where you're vulnerable. Kase let go of his hair with one hand and bunched the fabric of her blouse through his fingers instead. His knuckles went white, but all he got was cloth. I might squeeze too hard. I don't mean it. Not really. I'm just fucked up inside.

"There you go," Gen said quietly, encouragingly. "Name five things you can see."

"I - "

Words were hard when you couldn't breathe. Gen wasn't letting him off easy.

"Five things, Kasey."

"Y-your face. Your eyes. Strawberries. The trees out the window. Th-the God awful carpet." Kase let out a rush of air that could be a laugh. It was a sign to how freaked out Gen was that she didn't snark back.

"Four things you can feel."

"My heartbeat going to explode." Gen scowled, and Kase scrambled for something else. Something that wasn't crushing, overwhelming terror. "Your shirt. Your hand. The God-awful carpet - this sh-shit should be replaced it's so flat - "

"Three things you can hear."

The buzzing had diminished. It was getting easier to filter in the world around him.

"Your voice. My voice. Stupid birds."

He hated those birds, always waking him up at the crack of dawn when he was just going to bed.

"Two things you can smell."

"Cinnamon. Burnt toast. Why does Neelam eat it like that?"

"I don't know. One thing you can taste."

Kase licked his lips and immediately cringed.

"Blood."

"You bit your tongue pretty hard." Gen frowned and wiped the bit of blood that stained his lip away. The fact that she could touch him without him further shutting down was a good sign that the worst was behind him. "You okay?"

Kase had the urge to ask, what a stupid question? But that was mean. Gen had just talked him down out of the worst attack he'd had in ages. She didn't deserve his sass. She deserved a fruit basket at the very least. Maybe a nice gift card.

"Am I ever?"

"Yeah, well..." Gen didn't finish her thought. She slumped on the wall next to Kase and pulled her personal phone out of her pocket. "Call her. It'll make you feel better."

The phone weighed heavy as a brick in his hand. The task of punching in her string of numbers was daunting. But he did as he was told and let the phone ring and ring and ring until finally he thought he would be sent to voicemail.

But the line picked up, and a very familiar voice answered, "Hello?"

Auden's voice hit him hard. The relief was a physical thing, leaving him lighter than before, the last of the darkness finally banished to the recesses of his screwed up brain. For now. The only thing was, the lack of weight left him lighter than an air balloon. Like a soft wind could blow him away. His hand shook as he gripped the phone. He had to use both hands to keep it to his ear.

"Hey sis..."

"Kase? Are you alright?"

"I should be asking you that."

"I don't sound like I've just run a marathon." Kase winced. Did he really sound that bad? His mouth did feel a little dry. "Did you have another panic attack?"

This call wasn't supposed to be about him.

"I'm sorry." Kase didn't know what he was apologizing for anymore. Anything. Everything. "I-I should have called earlier, I should have known - "

"It's not your fault," Auden said, always the understanding one. Always so quick to forgive.

"Yeah it is." Kase wasn't willing to let himself off as easy. "I am the big brother. I'm supposed to look after you. I'm sorry I wasn't better at it until now."

He really was a shit brother, wasn't he? Never in the loop, never bothering to call until something terrible happened, always running away. Why did he always run away? Only a couple countries away, and Kase still didn't know, still didn't bother to check on Auden. Even now, as his hands shook and his heart hammered, the urge to hang up and bury his head in the sand was strong.

"You're doing just fine." Kase didn't quite believe that, but he wasn't going to argue. There was a prolonged silence where they both listened to each other breathe. It was hard to tell how long it went on for, but eventually Auden let out a long breath. "Listen, Kase, I have to go. There's this meeting I have to go to, and..."

"Yeah. Of course. Go do your thing." Kase was glad that Auden humored him as long as she did. "Glad you're okay."

"Me too." Another pause, another breath. "Love you."

"Love you sis."

The tone went dead. Call over.

He handed the phone back to Gen, arms heavy as lead. He didn't think he'd be able to move off this wall, not without help. Not for a while.

Neelam was going to kill him for being late.

"You got like, twenty pings while we were talking."

"Yeah. I'm sure my schedule just got turned into absolute shit." Gen scrolled through all her missed emails. "Oh, would you look at that. I'm late to my own emergency security meeting. Kill me now." Kase could only imagine how hard Henri was pacing the council chambers right now. Gen bit down on her bottom lip, concerned. "Are you going to be okay if I leave you here? Or do I need to have someone escort you back to your room?"

"I'll be fine. I might just...sit...for a while."

Gen didn't look convinced, but she didn't fight. Probably because she didn't have the time.

"Okay. You have my number and Henri's if you need anything." Gen got up and smoothed down her pantsuit. She cast an eye towards the door, then a weary one back at Kase. "Everything's gonna be okay, Kasey. You'll see."

How many times had he told himself that? Too many to count.

Gen left the dining room and shut the doors softly behind her. No one else came in to bother him, no maids to collect the end of breakfast nor cleaning staff to vacuum up all the crumbs they'd left. Gen must have told them not to enter, which was kind of shitty of her given that it would make more work for the staff later. But the last thing Kase wanted right now was to have his tentative foundation of peace destroyed by noisy strangers.

The TV continued playing. Kase didn't have the energy to get up and turn it to something else, nor did he know where Gen had put the remote. So the news droned on and on about all the other terrible goings-on in the world. A forest fire in Brazil. Six dead in a train collision in Swedenway. Greece filed for bankruptcy - again.

This was why Kase didn't watch the news. Too damn depressing.

Thankfully, the program was ending. The weather man got on screen and displayed a beautiful line up of sunny days, and the credits were rolling. Up next was some celebrity update program.

Thank God, Kase thought. Something to tune out.

Hayden swore by these kinds of programs - the ones that kept you up to date on the who's who and what to wear. She lived and died by the trends and the A list. Kase always rolled his eyes whenever Hayden commandeered the TV to watch them. He could suffer through half and hour of roasting someone's last-season shoes to get back to his true crime documentary.

There was a lot of commentary on Auden - her parade dress to be specific. The hosts talked incessantly on how she singlehandedly would push florals to the forefront of the season's trends. Kase had to laugh at that, losing himself in the thoughtless monotony of the show.

And then, it wasn't so monotonous anymore.

Because suddenly Drina's face took over the screen, and a smile she had aimed at Kase a thousand times was now aimed at another man.

"We have to talk about this shocking development," one of the hosts said, her hands clasped together as if she were about to spill a particularly juicy secret. She had a face that had seen one too many Botox injections - cheeks so tight Kase didn't know how she moved her lips. He hated her immediately. "Princess Alexandrina was seen out on the town, not once but twice with this unknown man."

"Who is he? And where can I get one?" said another host, a man with a high falsetto in a pink suit who was trying far too hard to up his persona. As if it were necessary between all the product on his face and in his hair, pink painted nails, and diamond earrings. Everything about him was fake and petty.

"That's what we need to find out," Botox woman replied, fanning herself. "Clearly the princess is happy with him."

And the worst thing was, they were right. Drina was clearly happy. Her smile was genuine, the kind she didn't have to think about when she was doing charity events or royal outings. The kind that made her eyes crinkle and her dimples pop. The best kind of smile, and Kase wasn't the cause.

"Quite the upgrade, no?"

"Nothing against Prince Kasey, but there's a clear winner between the two." New pictures flashed on the screen: a side by side profile shot of this 'mystery man' and Kase. They were both flattering photos, but the one of Kase was old and a palace-released still, so all of his angles were wrong and the flash of the camera washed out his skin tone. "I mean, when faced with the choice, who wouldn't pick this?"

Diamond earrings stroked mystery man's picture and pretended to lick it, much to the amusement of the audience.

That was it.

Kase dug his phone out of his pocket and drafted a new message: wear something black. and tight.

He pressed send.

Two seconds later, another text came back: a single winky face and the letter x.