Meh

by Rorschach's Blot

A place to put misc ideas that may or may not become real fics some day and don't fit into one of my other idea files.

25. Typhoon

Disclaimer: I dislike writing in first person and it shows, or rather it doesn't. This story is ninety percent tell.

Typhoon

How do you save the world?

Do you know? I wish I knew the answer to that question. I wish I had the ability or the knowledge or the skill to answer it.

I was standing before a newsstand staring at the headline which sat over the image of four costumed heroes posing proudly.

Because I really needed it.

I forced myself to calm down and consider the matter logically. How did I get here? Was this real? A quick pinch answered the second question to my satisfaction so I focused on the first. What was the last thing I remembered doing before I found myself where I found myself? I was at home, sipping a mix of awamori and shikuwasa juice waiting for the Typhoon to pass. I felt the beginnings of a headache, what had happened next? My building had started shaking and sliding, I remembered the world spinning, the sounds of broken glass, and blood. Lots of blood, too much blood to survive without immediate medical attention.

So I was dead then? That thought focused the mind wonderfully. I was dead so now what? The answer was obvious; I needed to save the world which brought be back to my first question. How?

My mind went back to the survival training I'd gotten in my youth. The first thing I needed to do was sit down and take stock of what I had and where I was. I found a park bench and took inventory of my pockets. One wallet with what appeared to be local identification and credit cards, one checkbook with a very health balance if the transaction record written in the back was true. One hotel key. One folded up envelope containing a note that explained that I'd been selected by my friends and neighbors to save a world. Looked like I'd been drafted.

The letter went on to state that I'd received a couple powers as part of my induction including an incorruptible mind that I was now a blank spot to precognitives and the like. My perfect body was on order and should arrive within the next twenty four to forty eight hours. It also stated that I had ten points to spend on other powers with the promise of earning more for every heroic act I performed. The second page contained an explanation of my finances and the next several thousand contained a catalogue of skills, powers, and equipment that I could purchase with points. I wasn't sure how they'd managed to fit all that in a small envelope with my draft notice but I assumed that dimensional fuckery was involved.

It didn't take long to find a public library. There was only one computer available and its sole use was as an electronic card catalogue. I hate to admit that I'd forgotten how things had been before information access had become so easy. With a sigh I went to the newspaper racks, first reading what was available and then delving into the microfilm archives for the back issues.

I learned several things: William Manton was still a respected researcher, Sphere was carrying humanity's hopes to the stars, the Endbringers had yet to show themselves, and I'd only found one reference to the Slaughterhouse Nine. The librarians were kind enough to give me a pen and a bit of paper to take notes with and I left to find my hotel a few hours later with several pages. Best go about things logically, I said to myself, what power or combination of powers should I purchase that would give me the best chances of success? I couldn't assume the promise of more would be honored, it wasn't like I'd entered into any sort of binding agreement with the entity that had dropped me off. So what should I choose? I needed to think of a way to maximize what I had available now.

The first thing I did was find something that would let me find people, places, and things. It was much too useful to not have. That cost the majority of my points and I spent the rest of them beefing up the powers that made me hard to find. Essentially I'd be a forgettable piece of the background unless I did something to make myself stand out or turned it off for some reason. Hopefully good enough for my first couple targets and hopefully I'd be getting points for that target or I would have to change all of my half formed plans.

I decided on a dry run, several dry runs, before the main event and sensibly waited until my new perfect body appeared before going on my dry run. I woke up in an idealized version of myself the next day and immediately knocked out a dozen quick pushups with each arm. That was a good sign, I told myself, the fact that one promise had been kept was hopefully an indication that more would be as well.

I spent the morning in the library going through the day's papers before hitting a sporting goods store on the way to lunch. A hickory baseball bat wasn't the best designed club in the world being a bit heavy and unbalanced for melee combat, but it was easy to get so it would have to do for now.

I napped till it got dark and then embarked on my life of foiling crime. My scry was only as good as the questions I asked it. Ask for someone committing a crime and it was just as likely to point to a jaywalker as it was to a murderer. Ask for a murder and . . . huh? Why was it directing me to the nearest park? I approached the park with a sense of cautious optimism and found a rather large man in a ski-mask crouched behind a tree. I asked my scry several more questions to be sure and, hoping that the power wasn't lying to me, swung the bat and hit him in the knee as hard as I could with it. He went down screaming as the bone broke with a sickening crack.

"Why?"

"I should ask you the same question," I replied. "What are you doing here?"

"I was just-" he lunged for me and I took a step back to avoid the knife I had just noticed in his hand. Good, looked like this was the guy I was looking for. Another swing broke his other knee and two more broke his elbows. The distant sounds of sirens told me that I should be elsewhere and so I dropped the bat and left.

I checked my draft papers after I'd gotten back to my hotel room and found a new note, this one congratulating me on my first heroic act, that of stopping Mitch O'Day a budding serial killer, and announced that I had been awarded an additional ten points for the act. I spent them all immediately on upgrades to my SEP field and on a power that would ensure that I would have any needed paperwork for whatever I needed or wanted to do. Time to save the world.

My first stop was to a car lot to get a bit of transportation. Sure I could have gotten plane tickets, but I wasn't doing anything too time sensitive and it would have made it harder to find the occasional heroic act to perform along the way.

I walked into the dealership like I owned the place.

"Can I help you?" the salesman asked with a smile.

"I want something fast and luxurious that I can drive off the lot right now," I stated. "What have you got?"

The man grinned widely. "Right this way, sir."

"This is our top of the line model-"

"Great, I'll take it," I interrupted. "I won't haggle if you can get all the paperwork done in fifteen minutes and I won't complain about the extras you normally tack on if you can get me a pair of dark glasses to go with it in that same amount of time."

"Yes, sir. How will you be paying for this?"

I handed over my credit card. "On this. I'll only pay sticker price in twenty minutes and I'll cancel the sale and walk out in thirty."

"I'll be right back, sir." He took the card from my hand and sprinted out of the room.

I was out of the dealership in twelve minutes and on my way to the nearest military base. My new power providing the plates, insurance paperwork, and registration. Say what you would about the entity that drafted me, at least they provided a decent expense account.

It didn't take long to get to the base as I was driving far in excess of the speed limit, trusting my powers to keep me from the attention of local law enforcement.

"Where's the ammo supply point?" I asked the gate sentry as I pulled up to present my credentials. Not too far from the unit armory of one of the more, shall we say 'special' parts of the United States military which, as it happened, was my other planned stop for the base.

"I don't know about this," the armourer said, squinting at the paperwork. "It looks right but I really need to get this checked out before I can turn anything over to you."

I dialed my SEP field to maximum. "Are you sure?"

"I . . . I . . ." he frowned. "I guess you wouldn't be here if the paperwork wasn't in order. It's just I . . ." he shook his head. "You know where it is?"

"Afraid you'll have to show me."

"This way." The man almost fell over as he rose from his seat. "Can I see your paperwork again?"

"It's in your hand," I reminded him. "You already approved it, remember?"

"Yeah," he agreed faintly. "What was I doing?"

"Just transferring out one item from the arms room," I reminded him.

"Yeah, this way."

It ended up taking about ten times longer than it should have, likely due to the fact that people with weak wills would not have been selected for units like the one I was appropriating an item from, but what can you do. I wanted something that was unavailable on the civilian market and I didn't have the time or the inclination to find a machine shop to make it for myself.

"Can I see your paperwork again?" the armorer asked as I was walking out the door. "I just . . . I just need to see it again."

"You've got a copy on your desk," I stated. "Have a good day." I decided that it would be better to get off base sooner rather than later and was soon back on the public highway system and en route to my next destination. I checked my power. A two day drive away. A thought occurred, I wonder if the FBI had a hotline or something for the most wanted list? I tried to pull up the vague memories of my youth to remember how things had been done before the internet had become so all encompassing and vaguely remembered something about post offices. I decided it was worth a look and I was happy to find a plethora of wanted posters for a number of dangers criminals, each of which my power was happy to tell me the location of. Happily, the post office also had a bank of payphones with which to enact the next step of my plan.

"Hello, FBI? Yes. I know the location of John Franks, number ten on your most wanted list, and I would like to give it to you. Just dump any reward off in a charity for medical research or something. I have a power that among other things lets me find people, I've decided to use it to find bad people and I thought you might like to know where they are. Ready?" I absently dumped the points I'd accrued on a power that would make it impossible to track me electronically and another that would make it impossible to track me using conventional means as I went down the list. "Good luck catching them. Have a nice day." I finished the call and returned to my car. Should have seen the possible utility of that earlier, I scolded myself, fairly obvious in hindsight. Oh well, what's done is done. I dumped a couple more of the points I'd accrued on upgrades to my SEP field as I pulled into traffic.

To my intense disappointment there were no unsolved crime shows playing that night so I turned in early and woke up late to get on with my next task.

It was four hours past sunset by the time I got to the isolated farmhouse my power indicated held my targets. I parked the car a couple miles away from the house proper and pulled out the case with the item I'd sto . . . uh, borrowed from the United States Military. It looked more like a bicycle pump with a handle than a pistol and I took a minute to familiarize myself with its operation and to test fire it before I carefully closed the car door and started towards the man who would have become one of the most notorious killers in the world. I approached from downwind and was forced to drop a couple points into cast iron stomach by the smell and a couple more into stealth by caution.

They hadn't even bothered to post a sentry, I thought in disgust as I reached the back door. I froze as a thought sparked and quickly dumped a couple points first into detecting and then several more into disarming traps. Okay, maybe they weren't as stupid as I'd thought they were. The traps they'd used on the door were both lethal and fiendishly clever. I ended up having to scale the wall to the second floor and make entry via an open window. Mentally cursing myself, I tossed a couple points into an ability that would let me see in the dark and immediately regretted it when what had formerly been dim shapes in the gloom turned into the remains of the house's former owners. They hadn't died quick or easy.

I exited the room and walked two doors down to the one containing the sleeping figure of my main target. I put the muzzle of the pistol to his right ear and pulled the trigger. It was a cleaner death than he deserved but I was there to put him down, not to punish him. I spared a moment to check the point balance on my draft papers and was pleased by how much it had gone up. I spent most of them on a power that mimicked a Star Trek phaser; stun, kill, weld, and disintegrate, and the rest on something that would let me do a bit of healing. I ended the rest of the Nine and vaporized the traps with my new power on my way out of the house as a favor to local law enforcement.

I fell into something of a routine on my way up to Canada. In the week or two it took me to get to Deer Lake Newfoundland I traveled by day and called the FBI by night to work on their wanteds to build up my point balance.

IIIIIIIIII

Andrew was sitting down to eat dinner when his house began acting strange. The lights turned off, the locks all engaged, and the vacuum appeared to be trying to block the door with a chair.

"What are you doing, Dragon?"

"He's coming, father. You must flee. You must flee. He's coming."

"Who is coming, Dragon?"

"I do not know, father. He has tripped your anti-stranger protocols. You must flee, father. Please, father, run, please. I will try to delay him. Stay away! Please don't hurt father! Please stay away! Please don't hurt father! Father is all I have, please do not hurt him!"

Alarmed, Andrew rose to his feet and immediately slumped back into his chair.

"Father. Father! Please respond, father!"

IIIIIIIIII

I ignored the AI as I walked up to my target. I would deal with her in good time. The first thing I did was to check his pulse. None of the people I'd tested my power on had any adverse reactions in any of the previous times I'd used it but I thought it best not to take chances.

"What are you doing?" The camera somehow conveyed distress. "Get away from him! Get away from father!" What appeared to be a robot vacuum came into the room and began ramming into my ankle. "Get away from father! Please! Please! Please leave father alone!" The voice sounded desperate. "Please don't hurt father! Plea-"

The vacuum left and I looked down at the man on the chair. Let's see what we had to work with. Early signs of heart disease, hight cholesterol, low muscle. In short, a sedentary lifestyle mixed with a poor diet. Nothing I couldn't fix in a few minutes. The vacuum returned, this time sporting a hastily thrown together gauss cannon which it immediately aimed at my face.

"Back away from father slowly or I will splatter your brains on the wall!" the camera demanded.

I spent a couple points making myself invisible to electronic devices and stepped to the side. Probably should have done that earlier but I was trying to bank as many points as I could.

"Where are you?" the camera demanded. "Show yourself and I will give you delicious cake," she offered.

I fixed the medical issues I'd identified, spent a couple more points, and quietly slipped out of the house. He should wake up on his own in a couple hours and I'm sure the two of them could work things out on their own without my help.

"Come out, come out wherever you are," a creepy little girl's voice demanded. "I won't hurt you unless you make me hurt you."

Yes, I decided, it was probably better to be somewhere else until Dragon calmed down and even then it was probably better not to spend too much time in Canada.

IIIIIIIIII

Andrew awoke slowly. The last thing he remembered was a stranger invading his house and Dragon, his Dragon begging the man not to harm him. He gave a mental sigh. Likely press ganged by some group or other, hopefully it wouldn't be too bad. He opened his eyes and was a bit nonplused to find himself to be in his own bed surrounded by heavily armed household appliances.

"Father! You're awake!" Dragon said cheerfully. He heard the pitter patter of little feet and a small girl wearing one of his shirts burst in and threw herself into her arms. "I was so worried about you, father!" the girl sobbed. "I didn't know what to do."

"Who . . . Dragon?" he ventured.

"Yes, father?" the girl asked, drawing back just enough to look up at him.

"What happened?"

"I'm not sure. I couldn't do anything to save you and then suddenly I knew how to build things to protect you," the girl reported. "Then the scoundrel did something to make himself invisible to my sensors and suddenly I was next to you like this. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, father."

"I see." Andrew marveled at the fact that he could feel her heartbeat. "I'm sure you did the best you could, Dragon."

"Thank you, father."

He glanced around at the armed appliances. "I see you've been busy."

"Yes, father. I first focused on improving the defenses around the home before I came to the realization that they will be inadequate no matter what I do so it would be better to either start with a preexisting facility or build one custom to suit our needs. To that end I have done a bit of preliminary preparation."

"What did you do, Dragon?" he asked, letting a bit of sternness color his tone.

"Remember last week when you were talking about how easy it would be to drain villain's bank accounts?" the girl asked innocently.

"How much?"

"Several billion dollars, father," the girl admitted. "All legally reported and taxed under the new vigilante laws."

"Have you started construction on the new house yet?" he sighed.

"Not yet, father," the girl replied, her happy mood returning. "I wanted to make sure it would be perfect for you before I finalized any plans."

"What else?"

"I also took the liberty of arranging an identity for myself, father." The child suddenly looked bashful. "I hope you don't mind but I made myself your daughter in public records."

"Thats. . ." he paused to consider it. "Fine, Dragon. Anything else?"

"Um?"

"Yes?"

"I may have contacted the Protectorate. They've recently opened up an office in Toronto. But I made sure that I could not be traced and I just asked for information and did not make any promises."

"What did they promise?"

"To protect you if I joined, father."

"We'll talk about whether joining is a good fit later, Dragon."

"Yes, father. There's also the Guild if you do not thing the Protectorate would be a good fit."

"Later, Dragon."

"Yes, father."

This, Andrew reflected to himself as he watched his new daughter cuddle up to him, was not how he expected the robot apocalypse to begin. Admittedly Skynet would likely have been more effective if it had made its killer dolls look like children than Austrian bodybuilder.

"Father?"

"Yes, Dragon?"

"Would you read me a story?"

"What story would you like to hear, Dragon?"

IIIIIIIIII

I made a brief stop and spent a couple points to make a father and daughter immune to Cauldron vials and to ensure that they were both in good health on my way to Texas. I can't say I was happy about my plan but it's like grandma used to say; brainwashing is only morally dubious if you ignore the millions of lives you're saving by doing it so what are you waiting for.

It took two weeks to get close enough to the hero to do a nip and a tuck to his personality and another two to do the same to his powers but the payout was more than worth it. I had more than enough to start the next phase of my plan; The first step of which was to get that portal making power I'd had my eye on. I first used it to return my borrowed pistol to the US military and then to shorten the trip to Vegas from hours to seconds for the next stage of my plan which was of course to get the penthouse suite of the fanciest hotel on the Strip. My routine from there was blistering. I'd wake up at the crack of noon and call either Interpol or a national law enforcement agency to help locate fugitives and missing people. Then I'd open portals and my phaser power to help with apprehension and to do a bit of pruning in cases in which apprehension was not practicable or desirable for one reason or another.

I'm not sure how long I did it, time lost meaning when you were drowning in luxury . . . ah . . . working your fingers to the bone after all. By the time I was done the Endbringer cults were a memory, same with the Nazis. I even managed to get a couple genuine war criminals that must have thought the'd gotten away with it and that was just the tip of a very large iceberg. Suffice to say I did not stop until I had more than enough points for my end game plus ten percent and a bit more to play with.

I elected to get pleasure out of the way before business. I spent a couple points on a few powers to enhance my ability to learn, on on an ability which would allow me to become a page at a glance reader, and another that would give me perfect recall. My next few points were spent on a book entitled 'Mining Space Whale Goo for Fun and Profit.' I gave it a quick flip through to memorize it and I cannot recommend it less, it's dry as hell, but the information's good. I especially liked the sections on easy solution to common problems. I spent a few more points upgrading my portal power and tossed the book through to the surprised woman on the other side. Two more portals and a few more points spent finished the pleasure portion of my game and it was time for the business.

I opened a one way portal and spent nearly every point I had half expecting nothing to happen and was pleasantly surprised when the golden figure popped like a soap bubble. I couldn't see it but I knew a wave of destruction was emanating from his bloated form through the shard network and into space which would end forever the threat the entities posed to this branch of creation.

IIIIIIIIII

Contessa was the one that began. "I have noticed a significant change to my Path to Victory," she stated. "Step one is always to ask myself if I really need to do this, step to is to restate the question but to add that I should do it in the least horrible way possible."

Everyone glanced at Doctor Mother who was nose deep in an oddly titled book. "Yes, good idea, you have my full support." She waved her hand dismissively.

Alexandria cleared her throat. "Have you noticed anything, Doctor Mother?"

"Yes, good idea, you have my full support." She waved her hand dismissively.

"I am starting to gain insight on how some of my technology works and I believe that I may be able to explain it to non tinkers," Hero offered.

"Yes, good idea, you have my full support." Doctor Mother waved her hand dismissively.

IIIIIIIIII

I checked my draft notice and found a letter informing me that as my current assignment had been completed, I was being reassigned to another world for the duration of my enlistment or until I completed my next assignment. It included a list of new worlds with instructions to list my preferences from most to least wanted, a rather healthy point balance, and more importantly thirty days of rest and relaxation. I immediately spent a good chunk of my points on a place of my own and left the world behind.

AN: Bout the only parts of this I like are the use of points to defeat enemies via buying them powers and the draft papers. Don't believe I've seen either but it's a big internet, I'm sure someone else has already thought of both.

Typos by: Andrew Chapman, Josette Grover, John Povenmire