9 years earlier…
At four years old the concept of death can be hard to comprehend. All I knew is that my mom and dad weren't coming back. The fact that me and my brothers were orphans now didn't exactly get through to me, but I knew my brothers were upset, which upset me in turn. I hated to see my brothers sad. I clutched tightly onto Soda's arm as we sat huddled together on the couch. There were two police officers and some people in fancy clothes talking to each other and walking around our house, looking at our stuff. One of the people in fancy clothes was in the kitchen talking to my brother Darry. Darry looked like he wanted to cry but I didn't see any tears falling from his eyes. At ten years old, Darry was real tuff.
Soda rubbed a hand up and down my arm, his cheek resting on the top of my head. He's had tears dripping down his face since a police officer knocked on our door an hour ago. I didn't really understand what was happening but I could tell both of my brothers were scared, which terrified me.
Darry came over to us, sitting on my other side. Soda sat up, wiping the tears from his cheeks with one hand and keeping the other wrapped around my shoulders. Darry ran a hand through his hair and bit his bottom lip.
"Guys we need to pack up our stuff. We..we can't stay here." Darry said, he took a deep breath "They're gonna take us somewhere else to stay"
"No!" Soda cried "I'm not going. They can't make me!"
"We gotta little buddy" Darry said in a tight voice "We don't have a choice." He reached out and brushed Sodas hair out of his face. Then he looked down at me, his blue eyes locked on to mine and I found myself diving forward into him, burrowing my head against his chest. Soda collided into my back and Darry wrapped us both up in a hug.
"I don't wanna go Dar" I whispered against Darry's chest.
Darry squeezed us tight and then leaned back "I know bud. I don't want to either but we have to." He ruffled my hair. "It'll all be okay. I promise." And because my big brother said it, I believed it.
Darry helped me pack a backpack with clothes and he let me pick my three favorite books to bring with us. Then he helped Soda pack. Instead of books, Soda grabbed the family photo album and put it in his back pack. Now I'm sitting on Darry's bed clutching Soda's hand in mine while Darry packed his own back pack with his own stuff. A knock on the door and then one of women in fancy clothes appears. She makes me nervous so I try and shrink myself behind Sodapop. Soda's never let anyone hurt me and I knew I'd be okay if I stayed behind him.
"Time to go boys" she said. Her voice is high and nasally.
Sodapop has tears in his eyes again but Darry is standing in front of us, holding out his hands. I grab one and Soda grabs the other and the three of us walk out of the only home we've ever known.
Darry opens the back door of the car and Soda slides in first. I looked back at the house one more time and then Darry's hand on my shoulder guides me into the car after Soda. Darry took the seat on my other side. He shut the car door and for some reason the sound of it sent goosebumps up my arms. Like more was shutting then just a car door. Like a chapter in my life had just shut too.
The drive was long. I curled up against Darry, one hand gripping his t-shirt and the other holding one of Soda's hands. The car came to a stop outside of a larger building with a big fence going around it. Soda gave my hand a squeeze.
A tall man was standing by the opening in the gate. He had a bitter, angry look on his face. The lady with the nasally voice turned around "Okay, this is the first stop. You two older boys, out" she said briskly.
"Wait..what do you mean?" Darry asked sharply, pulling me tightly to his side.
"Just as I said. You two older boys are getting out here. And we'll be taking the younger bo-"
"NO" Sodapop yelled, loud enough to make me jump. "You can't do that! He needs to stay with us!" Darry said angrily.
I finally caught on to what she meant. She meant my brothers were getting out here and leaving me alone. I started to cry. Soda had scooted into my seat and was practically sitting on top of me.
"No no no no" I said while crying. First my mom and dad left me and now my brothers were leaving me too.
"Boys, let's not cause a scene" she said in that nasally voice "I know it's difficult right now, but everything will be sorted out in time."
"You can't split us up. He needs us. He's too little to be by himself. He - "
"Enough" she snapped, cutting Darry off. "He won't be alone and he will be taken care of. This group home just can't accommodate a child as young as him. And the home I've placed him in can't handle all three of you." She explained. "We will work on finding a suitable home for all three of you when one is available". She nodded to the man outside the gate. He came over and opened Darry's door.
"Come on out now boys" he said.
"Please, can my little brother stay with us too?" Darry begged the man.
"Sorry son, he can't stay here. But you and the other boy need to get out now."
"No! I'm not leaving him" Soda said.
An ugly look crossed the man's face. He went around the car, opened Soda's door and pulled him out by the arm. Soda yelled and tried to pull the man's hands off. Once Soda was on his feet outside the car, the man reach in again and grabbed Soda's bag. He guided Soda by the shoulder back around the car. Darry had jumped out of the car at this.
"Why are you being so rough with him?! He's just a kid!" Darry said, grabbing out for Soda and pulling him out of the man's grasp.
"Look I know this a hard time for you but you still need to listen and do as you're told. And right now I'm telling you boys to get your stuff and head inside." the man said. "And I don't want to tell you again".
The lady with the nasally voice had gotten out of the car at this point too. She handed Darry his backpack and the man gave Soda his.
"Say your goodbyes. I'll try and get you boys back together as soon as I can" she said in that awful voice.
I looked hoplessly at Darry. He wouldn't let this happen. He wouldn't. He was giving a hard look at the lady.
"You promise we'll get to be together soon?" he asked
"As soon as I can" she said.
Darry took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair.
"Okay little buddy. You gotta be tough for me, okay? Me and Soda gotta go but we'll see you real soon" he said. He pulled me into a hug. Soda was crying and joined the hug. "I love you pony" he whispered. They pulled away, Darry picked up their backpacks and handed Soda his. The man stepped forward and put a hand on their shoulders , turning them toward the building. The lady came to shut the car door, sealing me in with my lonely fate.
"Wait! Let me give him this so he can have something from home!" Sodapop cried. The lady with the nasal voice nodded. Soda grabbed the photo album out of his backpack and flipped through it quickly. He found the one he was looking for and took it out. He grabbed a crayon from a pack he had in his backpack and started to write something but his arm was grabbed by the tall man.
"They've got a schedule to keep boy" he said impatiently.
"Please just let me give it to him" Soda begged.
"You have one minute" the man said.
Soda and Darry ran to the car and opened the door. I threw myself out and into their arms. I was sobbing so hard that it was difficult to breathe. Darry took my face in his hands.
"Ponyboy Michael Curtis" he said "I need you to be brave for me right now and be a good boy. I promise you, I'll find you as soon as I can, okay little buddy? I love you, I love you so much". I dug my face into Darry's chest. I hoped if I pushed hard enough we'd get stuck together and then they wouldn't make me leave.
Soda grabbed my hand and put the picture in it. Then he pulled me from Darry and into his arms.
"Oh Pony" he cried "It'll be okay. I'll come find you. I won't let you be alone". The man cleared his throat.
"Okay boys. We really do have to be on the road now" the lady said, putting her hand on my arm. I held onto Soda tighter.
"No!" I wasn't going to let Soda go.
She grabbed me, lifting me from the ground and away from my brothers. I started screaming and crying. I tried to kick her as she wrestled me back into the car. She pinned me to the seat and got the seat belt tight across me. I kept kicking the seat and yelling for my brothers. They'd come get me. They wouldn't let me be alone. I looked out the window. Another man had joined the angry tall man outside of the fence. Each one had my brothers by the arms as they struggled to get out of their grasp. Darry and Soda were both crying. I banged on the window, leaving handprints on it as the car grumbled to life. The last thing I saw as the car turned the corner was my brother's arms reaching out for me.
One of my hands still clutched the picture Soda had given me. I sniffed, tears still leaking from my eyes. I had wrinkled the photo a bit in my tantrum but I flattened it out as best as I could against my leg. I didn't look at it though. I didn't want to see whose faces would be looking at me. So I stared at what Sodapop had drawn on the back. He had drawn a shaky heart and started to sign his name but he only got as far as the "S". I traced the S with my finger. After a while, I clutched the photo to my chest and shut my eyes. Maybe I'm just dreaming. Maybe this just a nightmare. Maybe when I open my eyes I'll be back in my bed and my mom and dad will wake me up and I'll eat breakfast with my brothers and everything will be okay. I drifted off to sleep, hoping this was all just a nightmare. I didn't know that my real nightmare was about to begin.