"You think you're alone, but you're not."
Elliot turns to look at his mother, who is still gazing at the sky in wondrous content. He gives her hand a gentle squeeze, following her eyes to the specks of light above them.
"I know I'm not alone, Mama. I have you, the kids."
"That team of yours- they love you too. I don't know many people that would willfully sit here with a confused old lady if they didn't adore you, Elliot."
He chuckles at that. "Well, I don't know if adore is the right word, but they're good people. We look out for each other."
"And that partner of yours…" She lets the sentence linger, gauges his reaction as his eyes drift downward and he huffs a small sigh.
"She's not my partner anymore, Mama."
"Bullshit." She doesn't wait for him to admonish her profanity. "Olivia cares about you."
"I care about her too."
"You know, I said something in front of Olivia many years ago that I regret. Back when Kathleen, well, you know." She pats his hand, the significance of that moment in time palpable as she watches her son finally connect the dots. "Kathleen thought you hated her, and I told her no, that if you hated her, you'd just walk right out of her life."
She takes a moment to catalog his features, watching him swallow down the voice or sob fighting its way to the surface. Instead, he silently brushes away a wayward tear.
"I hope my words didn't cling to her in your absence because I've learned more about you since then, my dear son. You don't retreat out of hatred. You retreat when you love someone so much it causes an anguish that takes over your soul. When you think the best thing to do is to leave because you can't fix the hurt and pain. When you think your presence causes more harm than good."
He stares at the overgrown brush, whispering out into the chilly air. "Olivia thrived in my absence. She's a captain now. She adopted a beautiful boy."
"She also suffered unimaginable horrors."
His head whips to meet her eyes. "What do you mean, Mama?"
Bernie pauses, caressing Elliot's cheek to try to calm him, to stop him from marching to Olivia's door. "If she hasn't told you yet, there's a reason. My guess is she doesn't want to relive it, and she doesn't want you to regress."
"But you know?"
"Dear, I think everyone living in the five boroughs knows, including your children. They were here when it happened."
His eyebrows furrow in turmoil and confusion as he tries to reconcile this information. Finally, he shakes his head in defeat. "I don't deserve her."
"You're probably right, no man does." She laughs, desperate to lighten the mood. "Anyway, I told her all of this myself when she stopped over earlier."
"Liv was here?"
"She brought me lunch, and we had a nice chat. I've always loved her. She kept you safe all those years. She's still keeping you safe because she's your partner."
"And I didn't keep her safe when she needed me."
She lets silence sit between them for a minute, watching the stars again in earnest. "It's easy to dwell on regret, to suffer through the purgatory of our sins. I've done that my entire life. Now I know my mind hasn't been sharp lately, but there's one thing I do know. That woman is madly in love with you, always has been, and it scares the shit out of her."
"Mama,"
"You're it for her- there's no turning back. If it doesn't work out, I don't think she'll survive it. And believe me, Elliot, she's survived a lot."
He's shaking all over now, his head, his hands, his leg jittering in a steady, unconscious rhythm, and she squeezes his arm, trying to center him the only way she knows how.
"I think you kept her safe more than you know. Your spirit was with her when she needed you most."
Elliot breaks, full of anger over a monster he has yet to meet, full of fear for his Olivia and her tortured past.
Full of guilt and remorse and love.
Bernie gives him time to let his tears spill and breaths stutter. After he settles, she gently cups his chin and turns him to face her.
"I know how much you love her. Be patient, and be so careful with her heart. You both deserve happiness, don't you think?"
"She definitely does. She deserves everything."
"Well as your mother, I might be biased, but I think you do too. Have a little faith. You'll see."
Elliot resumes holding her hand, giving it another kiss before tucking it under his own.
"Keep wishing on stars for me, okay, Mama?"