Now I don't need to hear about the sounds they were making.
"Come on…come on…come on…come on and pick up the fucking phone! Please!"
The screen faded, another missed call.
"No! Please!"
I pressed her name again, starting another pattern of unanswered rings.
"Nikki…please…"
The screen faded again, as well as my hope and my patience.
From the moment I was forced awake, my head was inside of a vise.
A dark looming shadow hovering over me.
I already knew she would be my only relief, but for whatever reason she was out of reach.
I began struggling to hold onto the phone, my fingers feeling numb and my hands shaking violently.
"Fuck…fuck…where is she…where is she?!"
As I tried breathing, my jaws were clenched shut from the pain in my head.
My desperate breaths sanding away the gaps in between my teeth.
My vision was blurred by black borders, the shadows caving in my eyes.
"F-fuck!"
I violently thrashed around, trying to regain any feeling in my body and the limbs was I was quickly losing.
I could hear my desk besides my bed rattle.
A slow burning pain resonating from my wrist, which I must have slammed into the wood.
As my wrist and vision vibrated, I tried to look at it to see if it was bleeding.
But instead, a glowing light came from my monitor.
The impact must have shaken the mouse, and just enough to bring the computer out of its sleep mode.
As the dim white glow infected my apartment, the black borders and shadows were held at bay for a moment.
I rose out of my bed, replaying what Nikki said to me.
She wanted to chat before her stream…
Before…
…
"Her stream!"
"Fuck…fuck…fuck…where is she?!"
I was rapidly scrolling through the website, trying to find her blue hair.
But yet on this Sunday evening, there seemed to be more active streams than ever before.
I scrolled all the way down, back to where I found her in the first place.
I found the same chairs and empty backgrounds as I did that day.
I started scrolling up from there, the small bar on the side of the screen barely moving at all.
For every few rows of available streams I climbed through, the shadows started creeping back in.
"No no no….come on…come on! Fuck, where are you?!"
The bar was halfway up, there were no longer chairs and wallpapers.
I was now scrolling through various men and women, all of them in the middle of their streams.
My screen being flooded with nothing but different skin tones and body parts.
But as I ventured further and further up, my finger scrolling the wheel became my hand sliding and violently shifting the mouse.
As the black borders and pain in my head placed a blurry dark filter over my eyes, the rows and precise square thumbnails all became a distorted mess.
I could barely make out the top border of the website.
I went through the entire list, and yet she wasn't there.
"F-fuck…fuck…fuck…."
I didn't feel like I was closing my eyes, but my sight began to close with a dark black curtain.
The shadows began to consume me, starting from my head down into my neck.
I was too late.
I couldn't find her in time.
And so I had to sit still, waiting for the….
…
"No! No!"
I shook my head as quickly as I could, physically fighting the shadows off as much as I could.
I don't know how much time I had, but I had some now.
"Okay..okay…what was her username…what was her username…"
I typed into the search bar what I could remember, hoping a few key letters would be enough.
As the page loaded up again, the scroll bar seeming ever so smaller, the shadows began to creep again.
"Fuck, come on…come on!"
I used the mouse, going over every single thumbnail individually.
I couldn't risk going too fast, but I needed to be efficient.
I went through a whole page, about twenty different streams, and there wasn't a single blue hair to find.
"Fuck! Come on Nikki! Where the fuck are you?!"
And then, as I scrolled further down, the shadows leaped further in, feeling like they attacked me.
If she wasn't on this page, it was over.
The first row….nothing.
"Fuck!"
The second row…not there either.
"F-fuck! Please!"
The last row…the last few…I could barely see anything now…
No…
No…
No…
And on the last one, in the last row, was a beautiful head of bright blue hair.
"There she is!"
I had to use both of my hands to click on the mouse, the spinning cursor feeling like a dynamo charging me back up.
As the webpage blinked and changed its format, I took what felt like the first breath I had all day.
I closed my eyes, feeling relieved by the comfort of the regular darkness hidden behind my eyelids.
And as I opened them back up, I saw her.
I saw all of her.
I heard all of her.
Her legs propped up behind her head.
As naked as she was moist.
Her hands manipulating herself.
A small device inside of her reacting to the donations she was getting.
Screaming and moaning.
Her eyes barely open.
Thanking the people in the chat.
Saying their names.
Saying she loves them.
And I knew those eyes.
She was squinting, not showing much of them.
But I saw enough.
Enough to know she was crying.
The black borders didn't come back.
The shadows didn't creep in.
The pain in my head subsided.
Instead, I could feel them sitting next to me.
A shape, a manifestation taken form.
It formed limbs, hands, and fingers.
I could feel them wrap an arm around my shoulder.
And I could feel their cold fingertips stretch my eyes open, forcing me to look at Nikki.
They wouldn't let me move.
They wouldn't let me leave.
They forced me to watch.
So, there she is. Your friend.
Their voice smooth, but like a snake.
No longer echoing, the first normal volume I ever heard them in.
Their voice icy cold, freezing my ear and the rest of the my body as it made its way down.
Displaying herself in the most disgusting way possible. That's your friend.
Her body pulsed, her voice shuddering.
Do you really think she feels the same? After all you did for her?
Her body twitched as she lie still, her breathes sounding more pained than relieved.
This is all she is Dean. A disgusting body on a disgusting screen. There is nothing beneath the surface.
She closed her eyes, forcefully trying to calm herself down.
You will never mean as much as to her as the other nameless and faceless men.
With one more loud cacophony of noises, another round of donations flooded her. Making her body quiver against her will.
There it is Dean. That right there. That's all she cares about.
Her throat raw, her multiple small shows of gratitude dry and weak.
You hear that Dean? The same things she says to you she says to them. For nothing.
I had to watch as she struggled switching into a different position, hiding away most of her identity.
And yet that's all they want. That's all they need her to be. That's all she allows herself to become.
As Nikki disappeared, hidden behind an indifferent body, I could feel the shadow grip me tighter.
Gripping my chin, turning my attention towards itself.
I no longer felt like a human being. I felt like I was watching the world through a lens, my life just a projection.
The shadow infecting my eyes, making them shiver in pain.
Look at me Dean. Look into me.
Its commands were pointless.
I couldn't do anything.
Anything it wanted me to do, it had to maneuver me into doing it.
And so it dragged my head in closer, dragging me deeper into its abyss.
You don't matter to her Dean. You haven't mattered. You never will matter.
Somewhere, miles deep in the black, there was something.
Her words mean nothing. Her actions mean nothing. You saw it. You heard it.
I could feel my eyes get dragged deeper and deeper in, the object in the distance quickly getting closer.
She's shallow. Shallow, and the only thing she has room for is greed. Money and attention, she is fueled by nothing but avarice.
Its words began to echo again, the source of their voice becoming farther and farther away.
She doesn't love you Dean. She didn't love you. She'll never love you.
The object seemed within reach, close enough to see it was white and sharp.
But I do. I did. I have. I always will.
Miles away, and now just fingertips away.
You know that. You knew that. You'll always know that. Right?
Now in front of my eyes, the object became clear and the door appeared again.
The two locks still there.
But in between the locks, was a new handle.
In between the cracks of the door, there was no longer color and music.
But there was still lights.
There was still noise.
Beneath the door, what looked like multiple thin shadows pranced back and forth.
With every few seconds, the door pulsed.
Spread between the pulses and small shadows, was a new noise.
A combination of something high and something low.
The door kept getting closer, the noises becoming less and less muddled.
Close enough to tell the low note was a man, and the high note was a woman.
You know that, right Dean?
"Yes, I know you love me."
Instead of unlocking, the second latch exploded.
The shrapnel landed into my vision, bringing me back to my chair.
There was no more shadow sitting next to me.
No more agonizing pain in my head.
But in front of me, I was still being confronted with Nikki's stream.
But her flesh and her moans was distant noise and clutter.
Thinking about the shadow paralyzed me.
What did it mean by it loved me?
What did…I mean?
I knew?
I know it…loves me?
After everything it's putting me through…I know it loves me?
And yet I don't know what the fuck is with the door.
There was only one lock remaining.
I don't know what's behind it, and so I don't want it to open.
Whatever this voice or shadow is, it seems to want me to open it.
I can't focus on what I don't know right now.
I need to keep that lock intact.
I need to swallow the key, wherever or whatever the key may be.
So what could it be?
What so far has held it back?
Has anything held it back?
Something has to be there, or else all the locks would have opened by now.
So what could possibly…
…
She's right there Dean.
She was always right there.
"Uh….ha…..f-fuck…uh…"
-das it bb
-LMAO
-get something bigger
-sooo hott
-Hey Nikki.
-turn aroun
-such a cutie!
"Mmm…mmm…oh my god…."
-she so wet
-u do requests?
-where's the cat ears
-Hey Nikki, it's Dean.
-lol
-YO who DA FUQ said cat ears
"J-Jesus…ha…ha…"
[ANON987654321 DONATED 100 TOKENS]
"Oh…th-thank you…thank you…whoever that was…ha…fuck…uh…"
-hell ya
-KEEP GOING KEEP GOING
-isnt 100 suck?
-Nikki, it's me Dean. That was me.
-SUCK
-yo do the suck
-lol dudes name is dean
-SIMP
"Gimme…gimme…Fuck! Ah…just gimme a sec…"
[ANON987654321 DONATED 500 TOKENS]
"Fuck! Fuck! Yes! Yes! Keep going..ah…keep going!"
-yooooooo
-dean is killing it
-thx Dean!
-Nikki, please. Can we talk? It's really me, it's Dean.
-she's fucking shaking bro
-this fkr really think he can tlk 2 her lol
-DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN
-booty time bby
-yeah right SIMP
-mans earned it
"Gah I'm so close again…fuck I'm so close…f-fuck…"
-come on dean-o
-whers the simp
-HELLO DEAN!?
-bro just give her more
-see ya tomorrow
-so hard
-yeah bby
-hurry up dean!
[ANON987654321 DONATED 10,000 TOKENS]
[ANON987654321 IS NEW TOP FAN]
-yoooooo
-YOOOOOOO
-woooo
-holy shit
-wtf?
-LETS GO DEAN
"Ah! Ah! What the fuck was- fucking Christ! Whoa whoa whoa-fuck I'm cumming….fuck! Fuck!"
-lets goooo
-thatta girl
-same here
-Fuck
-lol
-never heard that notif before
-simp unlocked a new noise
-i dont wanna go to work
"Ha….ha….oh my…g-god….ha….ha….Uh…haha….thank you. Thank you….for that."
-yeah thanks
-thank Dean
-thank you babe
"I never…what even was that notification? I never heard that one before- fuck me ten thousand?! That's like a hundred bucks, who the fuck did that!?"
-Dean
-Dean
-Simp
-THE KING
-Simp
-Simp
-me lol
-me me me me
-Simp
-I did Nikki.
"It was Anon nine eight seven….duh duh duh….scroll up in the chat here and….what the fuck, why is everyone saying Dean?"
-because dean
-dude is named dean
-Dean the simp
"Named Dean? But…but…no he wouldn't be here."
-yo who is dean
-da fuq is dean
-maybe Dean was the friends we made along the way
-SIMP
-is dean her brother?
"No…no way…it's not him…it's a different Dean. It has to be."
[ANON987654321 DONATED 100 TOKENS]
-yoooo
-bro is broke now
-booooooooooo
-It really is me Nikki. Please check your phone.
"Check my…..h-hold on…."
-where she go
-where she go
-hello?
-SIMP
"Four missed calls? When did…oh my god….oh my god…."
-there she is
-shit froze
-creepy
-SIMP
-anyone else lagging?
-hello?
[THIS STREAMER HAS DISCONNECTED]