Maybe I shouldn't have stayed as reserve pilot…
But Shinji wasn't actually feeling sad or melancholic, just grumpy. It was Saturday morning, and yet he still had needed to wake up early because NERV just had to schedule a synch-test at such a time. At least living with my tutor I had a room with windows…
Actually, the last few days had gone better than he would have predicted when Asuka had first moved in. It was true that she was very convinced of her own superiority, and thus mostly communicated by scoffing at other people. However, it turned out that she mostly wanted to be left alone; pretty much the same as Shinj himself, actually. So if she wasn't in the bathroom or eating dinner, she would always be in her room, and hence not bother anyone. In fact, he had been able to have some conversations with her at the dinner table…
...and she had immediately taken to calling him just 'Shinji'. Without honorifics. And not even blinked an eye when he, hesitantly, returned that address. That was just weird to Shinji. But overall, it seemed it wasn't so bad to have an interesting flatmate around. And especially since it was, ah… rather pleasant to look at that specific flatmate, who looked so different from all the other students in school, and who was so lively and energetic. Yes, on the visual level at least, it was definitely an improvement, even though Shinji felt guilty mentally admitting that.
So currently, Shinji didn't really have much reason to mope around. In fact, being grumpy was even kinda liberating: There were no big crises, just a very mundane grumbling about having to get up early on a Saturday morning. That mundaneness was indeed actually kinda nice.
"Are you quite finished in there?"
Shinji sighed. On the other hand, having that new flatmate also meant being constantly besieged in the bathroom in the morning.
He hadn't even known himself that he could be so spiteful and petty, but when he opened the bathroom door, he did so extra slowly. Outside, Asuka was already waiting with crossed arms and angry scowl on her face – that was to say, Asuka was waiting.
"What took you so long?" she complained. "Were you using your time there to do perverted things?"
"To… what?" Shinji exclaimed. He felt totally overwhelmed by that question, and began stuttering. "I… I don't… I'd never…"
"Well, I sure hope you never!" Asuka pushed on. "It's bad enough that you kept an Evangelion pilot waiting! Someone you'll need at top form when the next angel comes!"
"I know," Shinji responded. It came through clenched teeth as he was looking down. This was not a topic he liked to be reminded of. The problem was that Asuka was right – pilots like her did deserve a special treatment for that reason, whereas he had run away.
Asuka rose her chin defiantly and scoffed. "Well, better take that to… hey wait! No! It's my turn! Misato!"
While Asuka had still postured and talked, their guardian had rushed past them, past the bathroom door and right into the bathroom. Said door was now locked again,
"Scheiße!" Asuka cursed. "Misato! Get out of there!"
"Sorry!" Misato trilled from inside the room. "But I need to get to NERV before the synch-test begins! I need to hurry!"
"And that comes to your mind now?" Asuka protested.
"Can I borrow your deodorant, Asuka?" Misato shouted through the door.
"No you absolutely may not!" Asuka shouted back.
A short while later, a spraying sound could be heard. Angry Asuka noises followed.
"Gott verdammt nocheinmal, diese Frau… gahhh!" Asuka turned her head to Shinji. The boy almost took a step back when furious eyes glared at him. "The worst part may not even be having to live with you, but with her! What is she thinking?"
"Well, uh, she does need to get to NERV earlier than we do..." Shinji meekly began to defend their guardian.
"Then maybe she should have gotten up earlier!" Asuka exclaimed. Shinji merely gave her a flat look. "...that this is unrealistic is exactly the problem you know! She could have woken up two hours earlier."
"She probably still was in the headaches and nausea phase back then," Shinji muttered. "You could get her up before 8, but you really don't want to on weekends."
"Yes I know, I lived with her in Germany," Asuka ranted. "Urgh, she is still like that? Do her typical dinners still consist of beer and crackers and even more beer?"
Almost against his wishes, an amused smile began to show on Shinji's face. "More like ready made curry. Poured into ready made rice." He shuddered at the memory, and in added in a mutter, "I never understood why she doesn't simply use beer sauce."
That made Asuka laugh out loud. "At least she doesn't drive under the influence. Though you would never be able to tell from her driving style."
Shinji's smile got broader, though of course it cost him some effort to be as bold as Asuka. "That… uh, it at least means she… it will take longer until she gets lost?"
"I can hear you two, you know?" Misato shouted from the bathroom.
Shinji winced, but Asuka was unperturbed. "Yes, we do know! How the hell did you end up our guardian anyway?"
There was no response from the bathroom. OUR guardian… It was factually true, of course. Misato had assumed guardianship of Asuka from Mr Kaji, that rather odd, unshaven employee from NERV Europe who had arrived at the same time as Asuka. What a weird little 'family'…
"Well, it seems like we're stuck with her," Shinji offered with an awkward smile.
Asuka harrumphed. "It does. And that's how they treat pilots." She paused, and worked her mouth for a bit. "Or reserve pilots. Amateurs' club."
Shinji looked sideways. "That's true, actually…" He shook his head. "There are worse people around than Misato, though. I guess… I guess it isn't her fault. I think running a household, having wards, she's just not made for such tasks. She tries, but it isn't like NERV is providing any support in this."
"Well, she..." Asuka began forcefully, but then her demeanour changed, to almost pensive. "I wonder if she ever asked for or requested aid…" She scoffed again. "Sure doesn't seem like her."
Shinji smiled lopsidedly. "No, it doesn't. I suppose it can't be helped. We have to make the best out of the situation."
Another scoff. "How passive of you. I hope you'll at least try harder at the synch-test." This caused an uncomfortable silence between the two. Synch-tests. Still a duty we share. "It's bad enough that we'll have the Commander's pet and Miss Crazyskirt there."
Shinji chuckled. He didn't like how Asuka referred to Rei, but as for Mari… well, it was hard to argue with that name. "She kinda is, isn't she? Mari, I mean. In a good way, though."
"Oh of course you would say so, perv!" Asuka accused him and crossed her arms.
"Hey! What's that supposed to mean!" Shinji protested.
"The way she dotes on you," Asuka explained, then laughed sharply. "Mari and Rei both. I guess you really are a momma's boy, going for the..." She narrowed her eyes and grinned viciously "...maternally looking type."
"I didn't… I didn't ask her to dote on me or anything!" Shinji protested, and then quickly added "If… If you can even call it that." He closed his eyes, crossed his arms, looked away and added in a sullen voice, "She's just being friendly, you know. You could try that as well."
"People aren't worth friendliness," Asuka whispered. It sounded suprisingly serious and aggressive, which shattered the somewhat goofy atmosphere of their previous argument.
Another awkward silence followed. Eventually, Shinji desperately tried to break it. "I do wonder what's up with her, though. Why she is so… odd. I mean, she is Japanese, right? Just being stationed on some NERV base for some years can't have changed her that much?"
"And contrary to what you Japanese think not every foreigner is a weirdo!" Asuka protested. Shinji just looked at her flatly, but thought it wiser not to say anything. "Anyway, yeah. Something's up with her, and something's up with Rei. I wonder wh… no, actually I don't, as long as they just leave me alone. I can do my job alone, after all."
Shinji tried a shaky smile. "I'm sure you can."
"So don't go off the deep end as well, you hear?" Asuka told him. "You'll be the only other sane at the synch-test." She shook her head. "Madness. The only other sane one, and it's the reserve pilot – the little puppy."
Shinji wanted to say something but then just smiled lopsidedly.
"What? What is it?" Asuka demanded to know.
But Shinji just shook his head. There was no way he could explain what had just gone through his mind. Just my luck. I get my weird little family… sibling rivalry included. But in a way, it was reassuring. After all, he just needed to listen to Touji to know how aggressive even little sisters could be. And Asuka was half a year older than him. Maybe I should see her outbursts in that light…
"That was a bit unusual, wouldn't you say, Maya?"
The addressed person turned around in her office chair and looked at her sempai. "What do you mean? I've read the personnel file of that Asuka. It was clear she would be a little brat."
Ritsuko gave her a faint smile. "Not Asuka. Rei. She greeted when she came in for the briefing. 'Good Morning'." She chuckled lightly. "She has never done that before. And then the way she looked at Shinji…"
Over the years, Ritsuko had always tried to keep Rei's medication doses as low as possible. However, that wasn't easy. The blue-haired girl was artificially made, and required constant maintenance. Eventually, she herself had requested a dosage that was had kept her constantly numb. Which, given her life and her treatment, was more than understandable.
A treatment, a life in hell, I'm contributing to…
Without the meds, Rei could maybe live, though even that wasn't fully certain, seeing as something like her had never existed before… but would she be able to pilot, to do her part in the great work? The great work without which she would never have been created in the first place. So Ritsuko probably would have to talk with her about the meds… but at the same time, she couldn't help but enjoy seeing her have a respite. If in this state Rei could synch well, maybe at least the dosages could in fact be significantly reduced…
And of course there was nothing that could come out of any crush on Shinji, not given the girl's background, but it was kinda nice to see her just having such feelings at all. Every schoolgirl should have a schoolgirl's crush, or several, at some point.
"I didn't notice, but then I don't really care for puppy love stories," Maya stated.
Ritsuko smiled faintly. "So I take it your date last night didn't really go well."
Maya sighed, turned her office chair around again and picked up her cigarette from the ash tray. "You know me too well, sempai."
Ritsuko walked up to her, laid a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it. "You're bound to find a fitting, attractive girl eventually. If you don't work yourself to death here first, that is."
Maya laughed sharply. "Pot, kettle. Well, let's start today's work then, shall we?"
The pilots soon arrived at their test pods and entered them, though not without some commotion. Ritsuko could see the Third Child, Mari, joking and laughing about something, which caused Asuka to angrily shout something at her – which only caused Mari to laugh even more. Ritsuko smiled lopsidedly at the sight.
"Children..." Maya scoffed.
"They are, you know," Ritsuko reminded her softly.
Maya sighed. "I know. It's just… They're also pilots of megaton war machines. Some discipline could be expected."
Ritsuko shook her head. "If it weren't for the defense of the world, none of this could be expected of them."
That was what she always clinged to. The defence of the world. That justified everything she did, right? Rei's drugs, chaining living gods in NERV's basements, not telling the kids what it was they were piloting, endangering them just by letting them near the units, nevermind the fights… all for the defense of the world.
"You know, sempai…" Maya said pensively. She paused, and it took a while for her to express her thoughts. "You always seem to care too much about those things. That doesn't fit in our world anymore. Maybe that is why you can't find a fitting, attractive man."
"Very possible," Ritsuko muttered. "Very possible."
"Second Child ready," Asuka reported over the comms.
"Yeah, let's start. This will involve enough waiting as is," Mari added.
"Be more professional!" Asuka hissed. Meanwhile, Shinji and Rei were quiet. Ritsuko could see on the screens that both already had their eyes closed.
She didn't envy the Children all these tests. It wasn't a hard task, but she could imagine it was a tedious, bothersome one. Just laying in LCL for an hour, sometimes even two, doing nothing, not being allowed to do anything… with the mandate being to have a clear mind and thus even think of nothing…
Synch-tests had to be boredom incarnated.
Ritsuko blinked when suddenly a pop-song was hummed through the loudspeakers.
"Seriously, Third?" Asuka hissed from her test tube, but then immediately tried to return to an eyes closed state of concentration.
Mari continued her humming, her eyes closed as well.
"Uhm, Mari..." Ritsuko tried.
"What?" the girl defended herself. "The European scientists at my base eventually learned to cope with that!"
"It was a Russo-European base, wasn't it?" Asuka asked.
"As for the Russian scientists..." Mari answered. Ritsuko could see a smug smile forming on the girl's face on the monitor. "I did learn a lot of Russian cusswords during my time."
Shinji began to chuckle at that, a sound very much unlike him.
"I'll see what can I do about copying the methods from your old base, Mari," Ritsuko promised her. "For now I'm afraid we'll have to stick to protocol."
Mari sighed exaggeratedly. And then she did keep quiet… for about fifteen minutes. On the monitor, Ritsuko could see how she became ever more agitated, moving her arms, her legs… strangely, this did not seem to affect her synch-rate. Ritsuko furrowed her brows. That was odd. Something didn't add up with the test data from that gi…
"Hey, Doc, am I still not allowed to sing?"
Ritsuko, violently torn from her own concentration, sighed, looked up from the terminal, and rubbed the ridge of her nose. "Yes, I'm afraid so."
"If I'm getting any more bored, I'll have to play I Spy With My Little Eye," Mari threatened. "And none of us wants that. I spy with my little eye… something orange."
Again, Shinji chuckled. Asuka sighed in a very dramatic fashion. Rei answered in her usual flat voice, "The LCL".
"Ah..." That seemed to have caught Mari flat-fooded, who now didn't know ho react. Shinji actually laughed, and so did Asuka, by the sound of it almost against her will.
"Everyone knows so, Ayanami," Shinji explained softly and patiently. "That's the joke."
Maya muted her microphone and turned to Ritsuko. "Okay. Now I see what you mean. And I think it may have just given me diabetes. Urgh." She turned around and activated the microphone again.
Meanwhile, Mari was giggling. Or maybe it was heavy breathing. Actually, it was quite unclear what sounds the girl was making, but it didn't sound very… healthy. Or sane?
"Can I please have my audio connection to those fools muted? Please?" Asuka pleaded now. "Nicht mal in Synchtests kriegt man mehr seine Ruhe..." [1]
Ritsuko sighed, and hit a button to do just that. And while she was at it, she also muted the audio connection from Asuka's test tube to the Pribnow Box. You're not the only one wanting their quiet during synch-tests, Asuka.
She looked at the terminal again… and did a double take. The read-outs were impossible. Absolutely impossible.
"Look at that!" she urged Maya. Her assistant wheeled her office chair over… and did a double take herself when she arrived.
"How… I've never seen that value so high," she commented. "Or even only half as high"
Ritsuko looked up again, now through the glass front of the Pribnow Box. "How is she not…" She shook her head. "Something isn't adding up."
After some minutes, Mari began to complain again. "Gah. Boooring!" And when there was no reaction. "Ohuiye! Nahuya mne eto nado, suka? Poshol v zhopu! Mne do pizdih tvoiy problemi, blyad! Eb tvoyu mat, manda!" [2]
Everyone stopped doing what they did. Mari had sounded very aggressive. But after some seconds, she started giggling.
"I can just imagine your faces right now," she laughed. "Pizdets!"
It didn't sound like she was joking, though. Ritsuko looked at the terminal again. No, she isn't joking...
Before closing the locker door, Shinji took another look at the plugsuit he had hung up there, and frowned.
Nothing has really changed, has it?
Yes, he had had a break from synch-tests for nearly two weeks now – but now he was back to it. And yes, Asuka and Mari were now part of those tests – but that had nothing to do with him. The point was that even though he was officially designated a 'reserve pilot' now, he still went to tests as if nothing had happened, as if his new status didn't mean anything.
I'm still tied to it. Still bound to EVA.
And he didn't like that thought at all. Doing a synch-test again, he felt like this whole world, this world of NERV and Evangelions and angels, was something he just couldn't escape from, no matter how hard he tried. And that was a rather depressing thought.
He shook his head and closed the locker door. It would come as it would come. It seemed he could exert little influence on the events in his life, anyway, so there was little point in worrying. With his view cast down, he trodded out of the changing rooms and through the corridors of NERV headquarters.
His mood improved a bit when he saw Mari ahead. The girl was waiting in front of some elevator shafts. This was their bottom floor, and the area had been designed to almost look like the lobby of a luxury hotel – small but intense lights lined the ceiling, there were potted plants in every corner, the panelling involved many gilded elements and there was a very large glass case at the wall with several flyers containing various up to date information for NERV personnel.
Like everything in the NERV Headquarters, it was very shiny. Shinji didn't think that appropriate; after all there was nothing glamorous about what they had always pressured him to do. But given its architecture, Headquarters could also have been a maze of gloomy corridors, and Shinji supposed that would have been even worse.
Mari herself was rocking back and forth, probably lost again in one of her constantly hummed pop-songs. Shinji still found it a bit awkward to approach her in such a state. She never seemed to care at all who was around, and that could set off Shinji's insecurities.
"Uh..." he began with a smile.
Mari turned around. She wasn't humming at all as he had expected, and the rocking back and forth hadn't so much been melodic as more jerky. " 'Uhhh…'? Yeah, that's kinda all you can say, isn't it, puppy?"
Shinji froze in his tracks and blinked. The girl had sounded incredibly aggressive. He tried a shaky smile. "I… I guess I'm not a great speaker."
"So why speak to me?" Mari basically hissed.
"Ah, w-well, I thought..." Shinji stuttered.
"You thought. And how has that turned out for you lately?" Mari asked.
Shinji now was feeling near tears. "What… why are you… what's your problem?"
"Look, you're better than some people," Mari told him aggressively. "But if you could just stop for a minute with your fucking mopiness. It annoys the shit out of me, and that's your fault! Just kiss the princess or the doll! Instead, you let all your chances go to waste." She scoffed. "To be fair, them as well. Godsdamnit, have some fun with them! Both of them, if they're up for it! Just stop being so… argh! I just call you a puppy, you know that, right? You don't have to behave like Pavlov's very own puppy. That's my problem. You are!"
Now Shinji truly didn't know what to say. He felt very, very hot, and his head felt like it might burst. Have fun with… but of course. Yes. I am trouble. That was the truth of his life right there. And even his embarrassment at Mari's words couldn't hide that fact. He couldn't formulate a clear answer. He could just stand there and sweat.
Suddenly Mari began laughing. It was the old cheerful laugh he was used to from her. She waved her left hand. "Oh, you should see your face, puppy." A grin appeared on hers. "Thinking about what I said? About having fun with both of them? Don't worry, puppy. I was just messing with you. You're a good guy. I, ah… I just wanted to see how far I could get you out of your shell. Ehehehe, seems like I still need to work on my technique. Well, hope you didn't take that too badly. See you around, puppy!"
And with that, before Shinji even got the chance to answer her, she just ran off.
"But the elev..." Shinji tried, but Mari was already gone and just then an elevator arrived at the bottom, its doors opening with a ping sound.
Confused, he stood in front of the elevator, not knowing what to do or how to react, just looking the way Mari had run off to. Slowly, the elevator doors were closing again.
"Hey! Keep the door open! I want to take that elevator!"
Shinji shook off the confusion. Without even realizing who had shouted, he darted forwards and held out an arm between the closing doors. A second later, Asuka caught up to him.
"Jeez, Fourth! What's the matter with you?" she asked. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
Shinji didn't answer as they both entered the elevator. Asuka pushed the button. Finally, he answered. "Maybe I have. Mari…"
Asuka scoffed. "Oh that bitch." When Shinji just looked at her, she explained. "Real bitch in the changing room. Shouted, accused me of stuff, called the First a doll… totally out of control." She shrugged. "Some people are just weird."
This made Shinji feel uncomfortable. "But Mari has never been like that."
"You can't trust what people show you of themselves," Asuka merely commented. "And she's always been odd. Stands to reason she's a bit unhinged."
Shinji looked at the redhead. You can't trust people, people aren't worth niceness… But Shinji couldn't say Asuka was wrong in her attitudes, exactly. If even Mari could turn on him like that… But that's just it. It hurt. People should at least pretend to be nice to each other.
The elevator reached its target level. Both teenagers exited it, a awkward silence hanging between. Trying to break through it, Shinji asked, "What… what about Rei?"
Asuka shrugged. "She said she had an appointment with the Commander. You know, I don't think I even want to know."
Father… What was that link between Gendo and Rei? It made Shinji feel insecure. With that link in place – could Rei maybe turn on him like Mari just had? That would hurt way more.
Passing through another all too glamorous entrance area, well lit throughout even though nobody else could be seen, the two made their way to their intended target, a small parking lot in front of that entrance. There, they could already see Misato standing next to her car, looking in their direction.
The Lieutenant Colonel smiled broadly at the two teenagers approaching her. Asuka only rolled her eyes in reaction.
"Sorry I couldn't have been at the test," Misato apologized. "Mari's redeployment is causing more paperwork than anyone had expected. I heard she also caused quite some commotion at the test?"
"You can say so," Asuka answered sullenly. "And nobody said a word about it. Undisciplined amateurs, everyone here."
Misato's smile turned kinda awkward. "Eheheh… sorry to hear about that, Asuka."
"Whatever. Can we go home now?" Asuka asked.
"Well… yes. But since you both powered through the test regardless, I have a surprise for you!" Misato announced.
Shinji watched her curiously. Asuka, who had already gone to the front passenger's door and had begun to open it, looked up again and merely tiredly raised an eyebrow.
Misato took a rectangular piece of plastic from one of her bags and held it up. "An entry pass to the JMEPRO main facility! I've arranged matters with the top brass there. You get to see all the fish and corals already long extinct in the wild. Kaji..." She sighed, rolled her eyes and continued far less enthusiastically. "...has agreed to supervise you all – all the pilots, and you can bring friends as well."
"That… that does sound nice," Shinji muttered.
He had heard of the Japanese Marine Ecosystem Preservation Research Organization, simply because they were so unique. Administratively, they were just a national Japanese branch of the UN's International Environmental Agency, but they were far ahead of some other branches, a true pride of Japan… or so teachers had boasted to him in school. There were literally hundreds of species, dozens of genera, several orders of sea life that only existed within the confines of the JMEPRO's facilities anymore – the last remnants of an once glorious and global ecosystem. Normally, regular people hence got no access to those facilities. The risk of them damaging something or carrying in an infection that would finish off some of those species was just too great.
NERV's influence was truly remarkable, and Misato's gift something special. Maritime biology had never exactly been Shinji's field of interest, and he didn't know if he would see something worthwhile at the facility, but given those circumstances… it was worth a try. And Misato meant well.
Asuka sighed. "With all those people? Do I have to go?"
"You should, Asuka," Misato answered. Her tone was still superficially friendly, but had gotten a slightly harder edge.
"I'd rather not," Asuka told her. She looked over the car at the Lieutenant Colonel and grimaced. Her own voice was now becoming icy, almost hostile. "Or will you make that an order as well?"
Misato furrowed her eyebrows. Then she jerked her head sidewards, in order to look away. She breathed out. With one hand, she grabbed the elbow of the other arm. Finally, she looked back to Asuka. "No. I won't make it an order. You're free to stay at home."
"And that's what I'll do," Asuka insisted. "Let's go there now. I've had my fill of people for today." She opened the door for good and entered the car.
Before Shinji or Misato could do likewise, he could see her looking at the spot where Asuka had stood. Her face was as cast in stone, but it took several seconds before she finally entered the car as well.
[1]"Not even in synch-tests you have your peace/quiet anymore."
[2] As for that… yeah you can… you can look that up yourself