At least Kensuke and Touji were having a blast. The two ran around the corridors, looking at the aquariums and the animals inside, taking in sights they had never laid eyes on before. And Kensuke was constantly filming it all. Now and then Touji looked over to Shinji with a worried face, but he always got distracted again by all the marvels around him.

Shinji couldn't blame him. When he had first seen the giant aquarium, he had been the same. His face had lit up, and it had seemed that indeed going here was worth it.

He had seen fish in all imaginable colours. Some fish species still survived even in private aquariums so this hadn't been entirely new to him. However, there was so much more in that tank, and it was all so foreign and alien that for the most part he hadn't even had names for all these creatures he had never once seen before in his life: Almost transparent creatures of soft tissue with tentacles floating in the water, reptile-like creatures with hardshelled humpbacks, creatures flat as a pancake who still could swim even with that shape.

But then, he had become aware of the huge shadows falling on it all. Deeper in the aquarium, hovering in the background, Shinji had suddenly been able to spot the contours of true giants – fish the size of Misato's apartment, if not the entire apartment bloc. Titans looming in the dark… like a menacing portent of pain…

And suddenly Shinji had been back at the beginning. When he hadn't even known about Evangelions and angels and they had just shoved him into an entry plug and then put him out there for the first angel to beat up. Sachiel, they had later called him. Sachiel had loomed just the same in the mists that had engulfed the city… right before mauling Unit 01. And Shinji had been unable to do anything, unable to defend himself. They had sent him out to die.

He had stumbled back, breathing hard. He would have run away, if not for a soft pale hand suddenly grabbing his, behind both his and her back. The contact had ended again soon, but it had allowed Shinji to just sit down and stabilize.

Can I never enjoy anything again?

Rei was still with him, standing in front of him. She was… stability. Protection. He would not die. Not with her around. Not today, not tomorrow.

And I'm free now. I'll never have to feel that pain again. Ayanami is protecting me.

He looked up at her and smiled shakily. "You should use the time we have here, Ayanami. You should go around, see things."

"So should you," she simply replied in her usual soft and monotonous voice.

Shinji shook his head. "Just because I… I don't need to drag you down with me."

"You aren't," Rei told him. "You're more important to me than the exhibition of maritime life."

Shinji's eyes widened. It had been said in such a simple voice, as if it was just a normal everyday statement – as if saying that was no big deal. He doubted he would have been able to do the same. He looked down again, his face red, but with an involuntary smile on it.

He just sat there like that, shaken but stabilizing and oddly content, and Rei just kept standing next to him. Finally, he shook his head again. This just wasn't fair on her, no matter what she said. So he would just have to try.

Somewhat shakily, he got up. "There… there's more stuff to see than the big central tank. Maybe I can… let's go there?"

Rei just nodded.

Light from the tanks tinted the entire absurdly giant room in various shades of blue. Between the machines, the stairs, the pipes and the ventilation system, there were many quiet corners and hidden nooks, all drenched in blue. It made for a peaceful, almost meditative atmosphere. Or maybe that as well was just Rei's presence. The girl now walked in front of Shinji, and her gait was as always: unexcited, but sure of herself, and always graceful.

He had seen her plenty of times in a plugsuit, and at one time, ehem, even full frontal nude. But Rei in that simple dress of the facility they all wore for reasons of disinfection, almost like just a white sheet on her… she looked so innocent in it. So pure. So…

...desirable? Heat shot into Shinji's face again. He shouldn't think that. Rei was his anchor of stability; he shouldn't demand even more of her, not even just in his own thoughts. It was just… he trusted her implicitly. If there was one human on the whole Earth whom he was sure would not hurt him, it was her. And that drew him to her like a magnet. But it's unfair towards her. I can trust her, but that just means I need to repay her somehow, not burden her even more.

Eventually, Shinji and Rei went up to a gangway that surrounded a much smaller water tank. Inside, the fish were numerous but small, and there were no other animals around. Watching the swarms was almost hypnotizing. And there was something to just standing here, shoulder to shoulder with Rei, both focused on the same thing.

"They look so lively," Shinji eventually commented pensively. "It's too bad how cramped they have it here. So many fish in such a small tank." Rei made an agreeing sound. "They should be out in the open."

"They can't," Rei answered. "They can only survive here, so they can't leave." She paused. "Just like me." Shinji watched her with some surprise. Finally, she turned around to go. "It's time for lunch soon."

"Ayanami, wait," Shinji called to her softly. The girl stopped. "What do you mean, just like you?" Rei stood with her back to him, and didn't answer. Finally, Shinji said, "I… I don't know about maritime biology. Maybe… maybe the fish can indeed never leave. But, as for you… I don't believe that."

Now Rei turned around. "What do you mean?"

Shinji smiled unsurely. "If… if even I managed to leave piloting… you're so much stronger than me, Ayanami. I think… I think you can reach whatever you want. No matter if it is in Tokyo-3 or not."

Now it were Ayanami's eyes which widened, though only minimally. Then, finally, she answered, "That's a nice thought."

Shinji smiled encouragingly at her. It was strange how natural that came to him, especially after his sort-of, kind-of collapse. But if there ever was one person under the the heavens who deserved encouragment, it was Rei. "Let's go find the others. I made you a lunch box. And no worries, I took care not to include meat."

That had been a bit embarrassing the first time Shinji had given her a lunchbox in school: Turned out she was a vegetarian, and that her body didn't take well to meat. Since then, Shinji had made her a lunchbox daily, and always without meat. He also had gotten to make lunchboxes for Asuka, despite her denial of appreciation for it… which was always kinda undermined by how enthusiastically she was usually eating said lunch.

When he passed by Rei, who still remained standing, she spoke up again, "Why are you always doing this for me, Ikari?"

Shinji stopped, turned around and looked at her in the face. "What do you mean?"

"I could supply myself with nutrients," she explained. "And you even take extra care to make vegetarian meals for me, even when using meat for yours or Shikinami's. It seems like a lot of effort."

Shinji felt somewhat embarrassed. "Well, with some practice you eventually hardly notice." That could have been it. But with Rei, he felt safe. Safe enough to continue talking whereas with another person he probably wouldn't have. "And I just think you deserve it, Ayanami. You seem to suffer enough pain as is. I like that I can do some good for you. I…" He began blushing again. "I liked your smile when I first brought you a lunchbox."

"Oh," Rei merely answered. And after a pause, "You do this for me. But I…"

Shinji smiled at her. Emotion came pouring out into his voice when he answered. "You pilot so I don't have to." And that… that was salvation to him, and Rei his saviour.

"...I think you deserve that, Ikari," Rei answered. "You suffered enough pain."

That now did take Shinji aback a bit. He looked down and mumbled, "I don't know. You protect me, but I don't know if I'm worth protecting."

"You are," Rei confirmed. Superficially, her tone was as soft as always, but now there was steel in her voice. Utter determination. "Let's go. The others might have already started without us."

They had, or at least they had already began to sit down on a large blanket in an open area near an aquarium wall. It was Touji who spotted the two latecomers first.

"Hey there, Shinji, Ayanami!" he shouted. And as the two came closer, he asked, "You're feeling okay, Shinji?"

Shinji nodded and tried a weak smile. "Yeah. I'm… I'm good." He could just so avoid looking at Rei; that would have been a bit obvious.

"Alright, man!" Touji cheered. "Come sit down. Hey man, you cooked most the stuff anyway, didn't you? You should get the first pick."

"You did, Shinji?" The voice was scruffy and somewhat deep. Shinji turned to Kaji, who sat on the blanket in a very legere position. He wore a shirt, but was unshaven. Shinji still didn't quite know what to make of him. "That's not bad. You know, men who cook get all the girls." He managed to make it sound like a sage's advice.

Touji crossed his arms. "There are other ways. Shinji can cook all he likes, I won't. A man's gotta have a code, you know?"

Kensuke chuckled at that. "I'd like to see you tell that to Shikinami." He paused. "Where are she and Makinami, anyway?"

"I don't know about Makinami," Shinji answered while sitting down and seeing to the lunchboxes, "but Asuka just stayed home. I think she prefers to remain alone."

"Man, what a depressing girl," Touji complained. "I won't miss her bitchiness, that's for sure."

Shinji furrowed his brows. "Hey now..." he said quietly, but he didn't protest too loudly.

"Home alone all day long…" Kensuke mused. Then he focused on Shinji again. "Well, uh, thanks for… uh… you know, Shinji. The meals." He seemed to be slightly awkward.

For a while, an embarrassed silence settled on the group. Shinji couldn't help but watch Rei open her lunchbox and take the first few bites. She didn't smile and remained entirely quiet, and yet her enjoyment was plain to see – and Shinji liked seeing it. Finally, Shinji's tension and Kensuke's awkwardness were broken when Kensuke and Touji entered a loud argument on whether those weird tentacled creatures they had seen were called 'jellyfish' or 'octopi'. Nobody believed Kaji suggesting 'octopodes'.

After the lunch, Touji and Kensuke kinda drifted off, each of them going separate ways exploring the facility. And somehow Shinji ended up with Kaji outside, on a gangway overlooking the red ocean. He wasn't quite sure how the man had managed to do that, and how he had agreed to leave Rei behind. He was sure the girl could take care of herself, but he still felt half spirited away.

Still, he wasn't ungrateful to Kaji. What he had been able to take in of the aquariums after he had stabilized again had been marvelous. So he spoke up, "Thank you for taking us here, Mr Kaji."

Kaji leaned back against the railing, looking straight up so that his cigarette stood out from his mouth like a chimney. "No problem, kid. I think you all deserve to see something else now and then. And this here especially." Shinji looked at him questioningly. He saw that in the corner of his eye, shrugged and explained, "You pilots, active or reserve, are defending more than just desolate wastelands and dead seas. You're defending a hope to return to where we once have been."

With furrowed brows Shinji now looked over said red sea. So that's what it's like? He'll just remind me of my 'duties'? He had experienced that often enough from Misato to become suspicious. And it wasn't that they were wrong – he did have a duty, and he had in fact run away from it. It was just that there was no way he could resume it, no matter his guilt, and he didn't need to have this fact shoved into his face again and again.

So, after a while, he tried to change the topic. "It's difficult to imagine that the sea used to look like that aquarium. Before Second Impact, I mean."

"I only have vague memories of it," Kaji claimed. "But yeah, Misato sure is missing out." He chuckled sadly. "Of course, not even an angel attack could have ever brought her to here."

"Oh right. She got us the entry card, didn't she?" Shinji answered. "So why isn't she here?"

Kaji winked at him. "Well, for one thing, I'm here." Then he sighed and leaned his head into his neck again. "But that's not the problem. She can't come here, Shinji. This place is haunted by her personal demons. It holds a lot of bad memories."

"Bad memories?" Shinji asked. "Of what?"

"Second Impact," Kaji said darkly.

And so he explained: How growing up, Misato had a very distanced relationship with her father, who was far too involved in his work as a scientist to find much time for his family. How eventually, she had come to resent him, started nagging him, even arguing constantly with him. How in order to rebond with his daughter, whom he did love, Dr Katsuragi decided to take her on his next scientific expedition – to Antarctica, in 2000. How it was that expedition which triggered Second Impact.

…and how her father ended up saving her life, at the cost of his own. How he died, because he had brought her along, all because of her resentment. How he died without her ever having been able to ask for forgiveness, or even just say good bye.

She resented her father. Shinji could imagine that she may even have felt abandoned by him. She's just like me. But then, why didn't she seem to understand?

"That's why she joined NERV, eventually," Kaji concluded. "Being a survivor leaves you with a lot of baggage, you know. This was her way to work it out. She can't go into battle herself; that's what the Children have to do. But she can still do her part, and I think she needs to, or she would crumble." He turned his head around and was now speaking suprisingly sharply. "Do you understand that, Shinji?"

"I, uh… think so?" Shinji answered.

"She is hurt and scarred, and working for NERV is the only thing that's holding her together," Kaji summarized. "Shinji… you're not the only one who is suffering."

Shinji griped the railing hard and looked out to the sea. He felt ashamed at being called out like that, but he also felt it wasn't fair. A very fresh memory emerged in his mind: "...I think you deserve that, Ikari. You suffered enough pain."

Rei didn't think anything about him suffering. She didn't think it weak of him; she just wanted to help. And if she accepted him and his suffering like that… then there was no shame in it. Besides, after his collapse, he was too mentally exhausted to bother with pretending anymore.

He turned back to Kaji and spoke gravely. "I am, Mr Kaji. I can't even go to an aquarium anymore without freaking out. I… I am suffering." He breathed out and felt a bit dizzy. It had cost much mental energy to say as much.

"You and Misato, you're just..." Kaji began.

However, a now more forceful Shinji interrupted him. "I… I didn't know Misato was like that. But I can't do anything about her hurt. It's all because of Second Impact, isn't it? Buried in the past. I can't help her with that. How is she helped if I feel pain as well?" And more quietly, "If.. if you say I suffer… Why is it alright that I suffer just because she does as well?"

Kaji's face became hard, so that he nearly crushed the cigarette in his mouth. "Misato is haunted by her very special ghosts. She doesn't think she deserves happiness. But Shinji… everyone is suffering. And yet, everyone is worth saving… Misato in particular, who is an amazing woman. I can't protect her. You'll have to do that. You'll have to save everyone."

Shinji balled his hands into fists. "Everyone," he muttered. "Everyone is saved… but only I get to suffer. The world was saved when I defeated that weirdly shaped angel. Everyone was. But only I got boiled alive. And then I am just sent back to school, and everyone behaves as if nothing had happened." And quietly, while looking down, "Nobody even thanked me. When I succeed, they all just took that for granted, no matter how painful it was. And if didn't, they shouted at me or beat me."

Kaji sighed. "It is unfair, yes. Only you kids can pilot EVA, so we burden you with so much. That is not right of us… but it's necessary. That's how the world is."

Shinji still didn't look up, still had his hands balled into fists. "That's easy for you… you don't have the experiences I have. None of you had to go through what I had to go through. It's easy for you to say that this is just how the world is."

Now it was Kaji who looked away. "Misato can get very wrapped in her own pain. I know that, Shinji. It may seem to you that she's taking you for granted and… she was the same with Asuka. But she has to be that way. If she starts doubting, she'll crumble."

Another pang of guilt hit Shinji. Was he that selfish? Had he truly not seen why Misato had acted the way she did?

"You're more important to me than the exhibition of maritime life."

...did it matter? Should her hurt matter more than his? Those were almost revolutionary thoughts to him, but if he was worth that much to Rei...

"Wrapped up in pain," Shinji whispered back. Slowly, he looked up again. "So will you give her the same speech as well?"

"I see your point," Kaji answered curtly. He paused. "I can only ask you to protect Misato, because she means a lot to me." Shinji looked away. "And… what about Rei? I think she means a lot to you. Will you leave her to fight alone?"

A melancholic smile appeared on Shinji's face. This at least was firm territory for him, surprising as that fact was even to himself. He looked at Kaji again. "She pilots so I don't have to. And I will to my best to try to repay her… even though I think I'll never be able to."

"You let her fight for you?" Kaji asked in a very accusatory voice.

Now, Shinji refused to look down. He knew how it sounded, but he also knew how it was. With Rei, he felt safe about those matters. "It's her choice, just as it is mine. It's…" Putting that instinctive feeling about Rei into words was still somewhat difficult, though. "I trust her and her choice. If tomorrow she were to come and tell me she couldn't pilot anymore, that she was breaking down, that she needed me to pilot… I would go out and pilot for her. Because I know she wouldn't lie in this, would never manipulate me. So when she says that she will pilot for my sake… I believe her that she isn't hiding anything."

Kaji scoffed lightly. "It isn't really brave to declare your willingness to fight in an event that may never come. You can comfortably do so knowing Rei will never step aside. Isn't that a bit selfish?"

"That's why I need to make it up to her, somehow," Shinji whispered. "She doesn't need someone to pilot for her. She needs someone..." He began to blush heavily, but refused to back down. "Someone to take care of her. My father apparently never did." His voice got firmer. "I will."

"I see," Kaji merely answered. He threw his cigarette into the sea and stomped off.

Holding his school bag with both hands in front of him, Shinji leaned his head back into his neck and looked at the clouds above him.

That certainly was an eventful weekend.

And now it was back to school. He knew that it could be worse. At least he wasn't returning from an angel fight to the everyday trivialities of class. After the Shamshel fight he had been so unready to face school again that he had stayed home for several days and then had ran away. Even then, Misato had still expected he go to school after he had come back. Nobody seemed to ever really be considerate towards what he was going through.

Rei is… And he had no idea how he should could ever thank her for that. How could he show his gratitude without becoming even more of a burden to her? It was not like he had any experience with girls, anyway.

And the worst part was… He had freed himself from this life – or so he had thought. But after what had happened at the aquarium, it still felt like going to school right after having suffered an angel attack. What more is there that I can do? Even quitting didn't seem to have liberated him. Maybe it could ensure that he wouldn't suffer even more damage… but some damage was already done, and it seemed like he would never be able to heal it.

And all that because I wasn't able to say no…

He did feel a bit of resentment about how everyone – Misato, his father, Ritsuko – had pressured him into piloting, had caused this damage, but at the end of the day it had been his own decision. It had been his own weakness, his own inability to say no. He only had himself to blame for this damage, truly, and now he would have to live with it.

He sighed. And despite all those thoughts going through his head, he would now have to pay attention at school, no matter how laden his head was with so much other stuff. He wouldn't get a respite from the trivialities of…

"Puppy!"

Shinji startled. He had just passed a corner to a small alley leading to a low density residential area. Lost in thought, he had paid no attention to it. But there at the corner, marked by a cobblestone wall to a garden, stood Mari, as if ready to intercept him… which probably was the case.

"Ma… Ma… Ma…"

"Mari, yes," the girl answered cheerfully. "Or Makinami. Also correct!"

Shinji still remembered her aggressive verbal lashing of him after the synch-test. "Hello," he muttered and looked away.

Mari sighed. "Yeah, fair enough. I really was a goddamn idiot. I… ah, I wanted to apologize again. I mean, it was all fun and games, but I should have been more considerate of you! It was… really stupid fun and games. I'm really sorry about that, puppy."

"It's alright," Shinji muttered. After all, the girl hadn't said anything wrong. He really was cowardly, apathetic, witless. He still kinda resented how she had brought that up, though. He resumed walking.

"No it isn't!" Mari insisted and hastily ran up to his side. "I truly didn't mean it that way. I fucked up. So… let me make it right again."

Shinji glanced sideways at her. "Right?"

"Yes!" Mari urged. "So… ah, could you please stop for a moment?" She did, but Shinji walked on. "Pleaaase?"

Shinji sighed, stopped and turned around… and then his eyes widened when Mari went down to one knee, and held up her hands.

"Just… just imagine I'm holding up a sword I'm offering to you, alright?" she said cheerfully. "I'm hereby pledging my service, my loyalty and my sword that you have to imagine to you, my lord, until my debt is settled."

"...you're crazy," Shinji muttered flatly, completely confused at the scene.

Mari, still kneeling, giggled. "What gave it away, my lord?"

"Don't call me that!" Shinji insisted. "And…" He stopped himself. Actually… "Uh… well… ah, there is something you could help me with. To settle the debt. If you just stop with that nonsense then." Already, people were looking at the strange scene. Mari didn't seem to care at all.

Enthusiastically, the girl jumped up. "Excellent! What is it, my… puppy?"

Not much better… Shinji sighed. "It's, uh… you must promise not to laugh! It's something you may not tell to anyone. Which seems like something that would be difficult for you."

To his surprise, Mari answered with a barrage of laughter. "Oh, puppy, if only you knew… I guess one day I'll have to tell you, just to see your face. But trust me…" She looked around all conspiracy-like, leaned forward to Shinji and whispered, "You can tell me!"

Shinji sighed again. "Well, what other choice do I have…"

School was stupid. Or rather, school was stupid for her, and Japanese school doubly so. Asuka already had a college degree; what did she need school for? Misato and Kaji had both said something about the need to socialize, but Asuka didn't want to socialize. She looked down on all empty-headed fellow students around her, on their constant chatting about trivial banalities, on their constant need to talk and make friends. People were… people were exhausting to her. Spending time in school drained her. Just listening to the teacher the entire class, surrounded by students on three sides, was bad enough, but the breaks were even worse.

She didn't want to engage those people, but she also knew that the world didn't work like that. The world didn't care what one wanted; people only followed their own interests. People wanted safety, so they made her an EVA pilot. People wanted to pretend this all is normal, so they sent her to school. That was just how the world worked. So all Asuka could do is behave likewise; try to gain by herself what she wanted.

That was one reason why she was never far away from her handheld gaming console, the Wonderswan. She played relatively simple games on it, but they kept her mind occupied – ensured that she wasn't thinking. If she wanted to get away from the bothersome reality around her, then escapism by gaming was the only thing she could do. And she hardly ever did not escape. If she didn't… the concerns about others replacing her, the thoughts about what she had to do, the memories of… those were all hard enough in those moments she didn't have access to the Wonderswan.

She already knew the world would only value her according to what she did for it, according to how well she could pilot, according to her fighting. She didn't also need to constantly think about it.

At least, soon this all would be over. She was in Japan now, deployed for actual anti-angel engagements. Few would have been able to get through her training regime, but now it would pay off. It was hard, but soon everybody would respect her. And that was all she ever had asked for – not friendship, not niceness, respect. She had gotten few so far, but then again, she hadn't been able to prove herself yet. Now she would.

And given that, given all that, what did she care about class gossip and the like? She thought about her proving herself; having to listen about who maybe kissed whom was so annoyingly trivial in comparison. She thought about fighting angels; the giggling of the girls was a distracting noise. She thought about her training; the shouting and boasting of the boys reminded her how unimportant everything else was.

That was why people drained her. Compared to her experiences they all were so… empty. Empty and trivial, and none of them would have endured her training. At least Shinji had the good graces to keep shut up most of the time, but it had been a bit of a disappointment to see how badly Japan had trained its pilots, whereas she in Europe…

"Hey, Shikinami, do you ever play anything else than that thing?"

Asuka stayed focused on the puzzle game on the screen in front of her face. She held the Wonderswan that way to shut out the world, so what some idiot outside asked was not something she would pay attention to.

"Just saying. You're an EVA pilot and all! You should seek some challenges!"

Now Asuka at least furrowed her brows. It's that Kensuke guy. And for a while, her quiet seemed to have the desired effect; for the moment Kensuke didn't push on. But then he escalated things further.

"Are you afraid you aren't up for the challenge?"

Now Shikinami hit the 'Pause' button and grumpily looked over the edge of the Wonderswan. She saw that Kensuke had had the good sense to keep standing some metres away from her, well outside the range of her legs. But unlike most people he didn't retreat under her glare.

"I mean, don't you wanna test yourself in a real game? I'd get bored only diddling on that thing all day long." Asuka scoffed. "Maybe you could even beat me… but I doubt it."

"Yeahhh," Asuka finally drawled. "I sure could 'beat' you right now. What the hell are you on about?"

Kensuke shrugged. "I was just wondering if you have any interest in video games in general or just that… thing."

"Why?" Asuka asked back.

"Well, if you want some extraordinary games, there's an arcade hall in town," Kensuke explained.

Asuka scoffed again. "What? Are you trying to ask me out on a date? You?"

Kensuke looked at her flatly. "Look around. Do you see many gamers here? That has nothing to do with dates. I'd just like someone to play the arcade with me, boy or girl, and well, you seem to be the type. I fear I have dragged Touji in there too often already."

" 'The type'," Asuka echoed ironically.

"It's more interesting than always just keeping on that damn thing," Kensuke answered, nodding towards the Wonderswan. "Look, if you don't want it to look like… going out together or stuff, just appear at the arcade by yourself. I'll probably be there today and tomorrow after four." He shrugged in an exaggerated motion. "If you want, you can try it out. If not, not. But what have you got to lose?"

Without answering, Asuka raised her Wonderswan again and resumed playing. Her peace and quiet, that was what she had to lose. Then again, playing the same level over and over again, dozens of times, just to keep oneself from thinking, did become exhaustingly repetitive over time. Maybe there were better alternatives around. But why then had it taken that idiot for her to think of that?

Standing to the right of a sitting Gendo Ikari, as he so often did, Fuyutsuki saw Kaji leave the large and dimly lit office of the Commander. He couldn't say he liked the man, but then, it wasn't like he liked Gendo, either. What was worse was that he didn't trust Kaji. Would the man really do as told if push came to shove? Was what he reported really trustworthy? He had gotten them the Key of Nebuchadnezzar, but then, why shouldn't he have? He held no allegiance to its former owners. Was this one deed really worth all the trust they put in him now?

He sighed. There was maybe one thing speaking for them, though. "He has no illusions about us… and even so he really does think he's doing this for a good cause – for the defence of the world."

"Not the world," Gendo disagreed in his deep, growling voice. He didn't even turn around to look at his second in command. His bespectacled eyes were directed straight forward. "Katsuragi. If it weren't for her, he would only care for the world lasting long enough for him to solve his grand puzzle."

Fuyutsuki looked at the Commander from behind his back. And you would know about such devotion…

Finally, he continued, "If his report is to be believed, Lt Col Katsuragi is the primary problem in regard to the issue of the Fourth Child." Gendo merely grunted non-committedly. "If her behaviour could be changed, Shinji might be willing to return into the fold. We need to put pressure..."

"No," Gendo merely said. And, after a pause, "It isn't the Lieutenant Colonel's fault. We cannot expect her to coddle the pilots. If the Fourth Child quits because he didn't get enough nice words, then he was simply too weak, and this is on him."

"Regardless, we need him at a specific time at a specific place," Fuyutsuki reminded him, and for once he allowed a bit of annoyance to seap into his voice. "So now that we have diverged from the Scenario, we need another path for him to get there."

"We cannot accommodate his petty selfishness and weakness," Gendo stated.

Now Fuyutsuki too a step forward, leaned both of his arms against the table and looked sidewards to the Commander. "If this were anybody else, you wouldn't care. You've always just figured personal strengths and weaknesses to be something to be taken into account, something to be used or be worked around. You only care now not because of the Scenario, but because he is your son." Gendo remained silent, and merely rested his head on his nestled hands. "We can even use that to our advantage! Tell Katsuragi you had a chat with Mr Kaji – he didn't report to you, of course, you two just talked. And then tell her that you don't appreciate what he heard about her treatment of Shinji. Once again you will come off as the distant but still concerned father to her. That will strengthen her dedication to keeping Shinji around, and might actually affect her behaviour."

"No," Gendo merely said.

"But..." Fuyutsuki began to protest.

"No," Gendo repeated. "That plan is unworkable."

Fuyutsuki looked at him with narrowed eyes. Are you really an asset to the Scenario any longer? Maybe we underestimated how much family ties would complicate these matters. Then again, we didn't have much of a choice. It had to be Yui's kid… With a sound of annoyance, he pushed himself from the table and stood up straight again.

"There is another option," Gendo continued. "Mr Kaji told us about it. Shinji said that he would pilot if Rei told him he needed to."

Fuyutsuki shook his head, not that the Commander would be able to see it. "The connection between the two has become closer than we anticipated. Right now, Rei isn't just influencing Shinji and binding him to here. I fear he has begun to influence her as well."

"We still need that connection to keep Shinji bound," Gendo argued. "And Rei will still do as she is told."

"Probably," Fuyutsuki conceded. "She will tell Shinji she can't pilot anymore and he needs to. And once he asks why, even he will realize that she has been ordered to say it. Rei won't be able to make up enough convincing lies. She isn't exactly a social butterfly, Ikari." A bitter smile appeared on his face. "We made rather sure of that."

"You think he would refuse her?" Gendo asked.

"Once he realizes she was simply ordered to say this? Of course," Fuyutsuki answered. "If we wanted to break the bond of trust between the two, that would be a perfect way to go about it, but it won't get Shinji back into the entry plug. He already defied Katsuragi about this. He would also defy Rei, once he realizes it isn't her true wish. It's still an option we have, but… it would be a desperate last ditch effort."

"Something to be saved as the very last possible action," Gendo concluded. "Something for later."

Fuyutsuki nodded. "Indeed. For now, we seem to have no safe way to secure Shinji's return to EVA."

Not without you stopping being a coward, in any case.