Chapter 69 – A Glimpse

OoO

I was drinking in a bar with some guys I barely knew. CJ was born a little over six months ago, and Olive and Amos urged me to take time for myself, and practically pushed me out the door. After debating to go back inside the house for a few minutes, I turned around and made my way to the boulevard. I ended up in a muggle sports bar of all things. Turning up alone and being a girl, people noticed. And a group of young men had squished me in their booth within minutes. They stared at my almost black eyes for a moment before they started handing out beers. When the hour grew late, the drinks got heavier. Beer, wine, shots, ... I drank with them just so I wouldn't feel anything. Back home I had CJ to keep me busy. Now nothing, and the memories good and bad of Cedric started popping up in my head. The day we met, our fight about the best superhero when we were twelve, our first kiss, the marriage proposal. It all flooded my mind. So, when a memory popped up, a drink was downed. Trying, hoping I wouldn't feel anything. The boy next to me, with black hair that was combed back, light blue eyes like the ocean, leaned closer, his arm resting on the back of the booth. Maybe, once, before, I would've found him attractive.

"Your eyes are sick, mate. Are they contacts?"

"No, just my eyes." I squinted my eyes as I looked at the tv screen in front of us. Some sort of game was on with a weirdly shaped brown ball.

"Sooo, are you seeing someone?" His words slurred. I think his name was Mark. Or was it Matt. I held up my hand, showing of my wedding ring. "You're married?"

"Not anymore." I turned to look at him, my eyesight was getting blurry. But still, I could see the smile that appeared on his face.

"Good to know." He whispered in my ear, the smell of alcohol nearly made me retch. The hand on the back of the booth shifted until it laid on my shoulders. "Very good to know." He said before he leaned in.

I jumped up from the table, nearly knocking my beer with me. "I can't." The other boys in the booth all stared up at me.

"Oh, don't be a tease! You've been eyeing me all night!"

"Yeah, right. What girl doesn't want a drunk sports fanatic to feel her up." I huffed, but my words slurred. I tried to keep steady, but the alcohol messed up my orientation. I began to wobble, until an arm went around my waist, holding up right.

"So, this is your husband?" Matt/Mark smirked as he leaned back. "I thought you weren't married anymore?"

I just flipped him off as a familiar voice whispered to me. "Let's go." He, whoever he was, was guiding me out of the pub. My head was bobbing up and down as my eyes fluttered shut. Then the cold breeze of the sea hit me, and my eyes flew open. I was sitting outside the pub on a bench, looking at the sea, the sounds of the waves mixed with the people who were going out behind me. Then I remembered someone guiding me out. I looked sideways until I spotted him.

"What are you doing here?" I slurred as my head bobbed sideways.

"Getting you away from those creeps, apparently." Harry handed me a little vial. "It will sober you up."

Still confused and not really sure it was really Harry who was standing in front of me, I accepted the bottle and drank it. I closed my eyes as I felt the drossiness ebb away. Once it felt like the world had stopped spinning, I opened them. Harry was still sitting next to me, on a bench, near the sea, in Australia. I could see he was wearing Auror robes, his training must be going good then. His green eyes were fixed on me with worry.

"Thanks." I muttered and looked back at the dark sea.

"No problem." He said and a silence fell between us. But, to my chagrin, Harry broke the silence. "So, Australia, huh?"

"Yep." I didn't turn to look at him as I spoke.

"Everyone -" He started but then stopped himself. Instead, he said. "You had the baby?"

That made me smile, if only a little. "Do I still look pregnant?" I quirked an eyebrow at him. Harry's eyes turned wide as he began to splutter.

"No, no. That's not what I meant. I -"

"I'm just messing with you, Harry. Yes, I had the baby."

"Is he or she healthy?" He asked, not prying too much, to my surprise.

"He is, now." I felt Harry's eyes on me. "He was born early, but he's catching up."

"Good. Good." Harry said. I glanced over to him from the corner of my eye. Harry was staring to the dark sea, wringing his hands nervously.

"What are you doing here anyway?"

"I'm here with Hermione. We finally found her parents."

"Found her parents?" I asked confused. Harry looked at me like I had a Nargal stuck in my hair, then he shook his head and started to explain what Hermione did to keep er parents safe.

"She's at her parents' house right now. I thought I would come out for a pint."

"In your Auror robes?" I quirked an eyebrow.

"Oh." He looked down surprised, apparently forgotten his clothes. "I'm still not used to this." He tugged his sleeve.

"You look good, Potter."

"Thanks. You look -" He let his gaze travel my body and face quickly. I know I must look like a mess. Skinny, dark circles under my black eyes. My hair black as the night, tide up in a loose bun.

"Like a zombie? I'm aware." I chuckled dryly. I had lost a lot of weight during the pregnancy. Not just because of the morning sickness, but also because I just ate enough for the baby. Taking potions and muggle medicine to keep up my vitamin intake. I was just dragging myself through each day.

"No, you look like you're grieving."

"I think I need another drink." I sighed and looked over my shoulder to the pub. "What are the chances of you not telling anyone about my whereabouts"

"Everyone is really worried, Gwen. You disappeared when everyone was asleep, leaving a short note with no information whatsoever. And haven't written to anyone for any news."

"That's not true." I pointed out with a frown as I looked at my worn-down converse's. "Bash and Charlie know where I am. They visited me a couple of times. And Andy knows-"

"Andromeda?"

"Yes, I write to her every few weeks. She asks about my son, and I ask about my -" I glanced at Harry. "Our godson, Teddy."

"I can't believe Andy didn't tell me. I go over there once a week."

"I'm sorry, Harry. I made her promise not to tell anyone."

"What about your parents, or the twins."

I shook my head, a light pounding headache was forming. "Please don't tell them where I am." I sighed and looked to him. "You can just tell them I finally written you back or something, and you can tell them I'm fine."

"But are you?"

"No." I said and twirled the wedding ring on my finger.

"Alright." He said softly, barely audible above the busy crowd behind us. "I won't say anything."

"I should get going." I stood up and looked around me.

"Oh, well, yeah." Harry frowned and stood up too.

"You can write to me if you want. I'll promise I'll write back." I said as I walked over the shore. When I looked over my shoulder, Harry was still standing at the bench looking worried. I waved at him when me feet got wet from a little wave. And then I apparated from the beach, only leaving small footprints behind in the wet sand.

OoO

I was sitting next to a carton box on the floor of a hotel room in France. It was the furthest I could get that late at night. I had walked out of Hogwarts a few hours earlier. When I reached Hogsmeade, clutching my tiny baby bump, tears streamed down my cheeks, I floo'd from the Three Broomsticks out of there. The moment me feet hit the ground, I waved my wand and my suitcases upstairs started packing itself. I was making my way to the garage when I saw our wedding picture on the mantle. Cedric looked so at ease, happy and ... alive. I took the picture from the mantle and sunk to the floor. I cried uncontrollably, hugging the picture to my chest. He was gone, gone forever. And now I can't get him back. We didn't have enough time together, not nearly enough.

I finally pushed myself up, because I knew when the day broke, people would notice my absence and would come look for me. I placed the picture in an open suitcase that flew by as I walked to the garage.

On the right side, the garage was filled with George and Fred's products. On the left were wooden crates full of old and expensive wines. "You can't do this." I thought to myself as I rubbed my stomach. "You can't risk losing the one thing you have left of him."

I turned my head to the other side of the room. My eyes flickered over the boxes until I knew which one I wanted – no- needed. I let it float down and it flew past me into the living room. One suitcase was already fully packed and waiting for me, while another was still going around the ground floor. I looked around the house as it was getting emptier within seconds. It started to look like the ghost house before Cedric and I moved in here. I made my way upstairs. The door of our bedroom was closed, I leaned my head and hand against it. Remembering our last night together. I couldn't find the courage to open the door, I knew it would send me in a downwards spiral and I didn't have a lot of time. I went to the other side of the hallway and pushed the baby's room open, the beautiful, decorated room. That one Cedric and I had put together. With a deep inhale, I started packing up the baby's things by hand. Fifteen minutes later, the most important and useful things were packed, and I headed back downstairs.
Four large suitcases and the carton box were already waiting for me. I shrunk them and put them in a canvas bag. I got a little dizzy from using magic and took a minute until a regained my strength. With a last look around the place, and a single escaped tear, I disappeared in green flames.

The house of Olive and Amos was quiet and dark, but still I didn't step in further than the threshold for a few minutes, the memories of him were too much. I searched for Amos's plastic boat portkey, when I found it hidden in a small cupboard, I quickly set it. France was the furthest I could get if I wanted to leave this instant, so that's what I did.

So, now I was sitting in a muggle hotel in Nice, away from anything and everyone I knew. My suitcases were pushed inside a closet and the carton box from the twins was sitting open next to me. I twirled a little blue box in my hands. The daydream charms.

- That's not healthy – A voice inside my head whispered.

- I need to see him – I countered. - Besides this is better than drinking. -

I shook my head, pushing the voices away before I opened the first of many daydream charms.
I was immediately transported into a lucid dream. First, I didn't see anything, clouds filled my sight. But when the clouds slowly moved away, Cedric appeared in front of me with a large and beaming smile. I ran over and hugged him, not letting him go. Not ever wanting to let him go.

That's were my addiction began.