"Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!"
The third synch test in as many days. Asuka was a professional; if Command set such a routine she would follow it. But it was still annoying and senseless. What bug has bitten Ritsuko's ass now?
Asuka's body was all stiff and her face a frown as she walked through one of the countless corridors of NERV headquarters. She didn't look ahead; her face was plastered to the Wonderswan screen in front of it. At one point she bumped into a science assistant, but she didn't apologize. Why were all those idiots in her way, anyway?
The truth was that for weeks now, Asuka was feeling… she didn't even know herself. Unsatisfied. Unfulfilled. Just generally discontent. Of course, she had never been the most upbeat person, she knew that much herself, but these days, she couldn't even find joy in doing her job, in being special, in being the best pilot. It all seemed so senseless to her, now that she actually was in Japan. The only thing that at least distracted her from her feelings was in fact her gaming device.
However, this wasn't the first time in Asuka's life when she maybe wasn't perfectly content. She had gone through similar phases before. It happened. So why then died Kensuke, that idiot, need to make such a big deal out of it? It was annoying, it was unwanted, it was… it was infuriatingly adorable. Asuka was a soldier. Soldiers didn't always like their orders. That was it. That Kensuke was concerned… well, thinking about that created a certain fluttery feeling inside her, but his worry was still misplaced.
As for the other people in Asuka's life – Misato still treated her like a little child. Three days of synch-tests meant three days of crazy Mari. And Shinji… ever since after the first synch-test in that series he had been all quiet and mopey, and didn't even want to say what was up. Misato had said it was up to him to tell, but so far he had refused. The only other sane person in the pilot corps, and now he is going crazy as well. Just great. It added to Asuka's simmering feeling of vague frustration.
At least the synch-test was over for now, and no further ones were planned this week. God, so annoying… She spent all her attention on the Wonderswan, trying to get away from those thoughts, and came to a halt in front of an elevator. She only looked up when the elevator door opened with a ping sound… and saw Rei inside. Asuka furrowed her brows. The girl had been missing from today's test. Now she seemed to come from something even further below on this maze like facility. Just my fucking luck…
She had never come to like the blue-haired girl, and why should she have? Rei only followed orders, with no enthusiasm, no zeal, no emotions, nothing. It was as if being an EVA pilot meant nothing to her, yet she did everything they told her to do. It cheapened everything, and Asuka just couldn't stand how compliant and submissive her fellow pilot was. Shinji liked her, that much was clear, but then, Shinji was an idiot. A nice idiot, but still an idiot with no skill in judging people.
Reluctantly and with a disgusted face, Asuka stepped inside the elevator, and then immediately turned her back to the blue-haired girl, trying to ignore her as well as possible.
Bling kachow bling bling… Asuka tried very hard to concentrate only on the Wonderswan, but in the silent elevator its sound appeared too loud, too out of place. And the elevator was slow. Very slow. Try as she might, Asuka could not shake off the knowledge that Rei was behind her, in her dead spot, looking at her.
"You are troubled."
Asuka stopped. Hit pause. She hasn't just…
"Your life is not going as you think it should. You can correct that."
Anger rose up in Asuka. She swirled around now, all fire and fury, looking right at her fellow pilot. "How dare you lecture me?" She scoffed. "You of all people. A pretty little doll, nothing more."
She had tried to be polite to Rei all the time, if only for Shinji's sake. Of course, that had meant keeping her distance... and now it had been the blue-haired girl herself who had broken that distance. Asuka breathed out in disgust, but Rei didn't even react to her outburst. The Japanese girl just stared straight ahead, not a single emotion on her face.
That only angered Asuka even more. She continued, "I did something with my life! I have a purpose! I am valued! I am an EVA pilot! I reached that status through my own ability, and not through connections like you did. My life is as it should be!"
Well, in broad strokes, anyway. It was still frustrating how nobody cared here in Japan, as if all her sacrifices had meant nothing. But still, she was in fact something special. The EVA made her someone special.
"It is EVA which formed my connections," Rei answered… corrected her? It was hard to tell with that annoyingly monotonous voice. "EVA bonds me to other people."
What nonsense… "You think that makes you sound clever?" Asuka barked. "You're here because you're the Commander's pet, willing to do everything he tells you to do! Even his own son has shown more spine towards him than you do!"
Rei didn't answer to that, either. Quiet returned to the elevator. Finally, it reached Asuka's level. With another ping, the door opened. Just as Asuka wanted to go through it, Rei spoke up again, "You're also doing everything they order you to."
Asuka turned around on the spot. "What is your fucking problem!?" she shouted now, right at Rei's face.
"I might lose Ikari," Rei answered in all seriousness, her face unmoving, her voice calm and monotonous as always.
…
Asuka blinked.
She hadn't expected that. She hadn't expected any factual answer.
"...what?"
"NERV will abolish the position of reserve pilot soon," Rei informed her. "If Ikari doesn't return into service as active pilot, he will have to leave Tokyo-3."
"….Oh." Well, that explained Shinji's moodiness then. He doesn't want to leave Tokyo-3… But probably mostly because he didn't want to let go of Rei. That annoyed Asuka somewhat. She had no designs on Shinji, but it still annoyed her that she was only playing second fiddle. She scoffed to overplay that. "And what's that to you?" She leaned against the elevator door shaft, so that the door couldn't close, and crossed her arms. "Why do you even care?"
"Whenever I spend time with Ikari, it is a good time," Rei explained. "I like that feeling I have near him. I would not like to never have it again."
Asuka looked up sideways from under her hair at Rei. The blue-haired girl's voice had been as monotonous as ever, but… was there a hint of faint pink on her cheeks now?
"That feeling?" Asuka echoed, sounding incredulous. "What do you mean with that feeling?" When Rei still remained silent, Asuka turned again to face her, and pushed back the elevator door trying to close again. "Tell me, just what do you feel for that idiot?"
"I don't know," Rei answered.
"Bullshit!" Asuka claimed. "You said you felt something. What is it?"
"I'm not sure," Rei answered. "I feel warm and fuzzy when I'm with Ikari. Sometimes, when I talk with him, there is a feeling in my stomach. It's all fluttery. And I want him to feel warm and fuzzy as well. When he has troubles, I want him to not have troubles anymore. I want to see him smile. That fluttery feeling is strong then. It's a strange feeling, but it is a good one."
Again, Asuka blinked. Can anyone be that naive and stupid? Really? Seriously? She breathed in. "Love!" she yelled. "What you're feeling is love, you absolute, massive, total ultra-idiot!"
"Love…" Rei echoed.
"And gottverdammt nocheinmal, call him 'Shinji' next time you see him!" Asuka continued to shout. Japanese customs can be so damn annoying at times. "If you truly love him."
"I think I do," Rei answered, full of sincerity. "Is that also what you feel for Aida?"
…
...what?
"Stupid! Stupid! You're absolutely stupid, you idiot!" Asuka protested. "That's completely different! Why would I feel anything for that..." Sensitive, friendly, fun guy… "that nerd!?"
Frustrated with herself, fearing she had made herself look stupid, Asuka groaned inarticulately and stomped off.
000000
Once again, Asuka just wanted to go home.
School in Japan had never not been stupid to begin with. There never had been a good reason for her to come here in the first place. In addition, the classes here had always been boring, with uninterested teachers just rattling down the textbooks or getting lost in personal anecdotes, and the students, Asuka's supposed classmates, had always been stupid, childish airheads, blissfully blathering on about the most inane nonsense. For the most part, ever since Asuka had come to Japan, she had just endured school.
It's all been very infuriating, actually. She had been thrown into this school as if she were just a normal teenager, no different than anybody around here – as if she hadn't defended the whole of Earth and humanity two times already, as if she weren't special. And it wasn't like anybody here cared. For all the students here behaved, NERV could as well simply have been an after school club she regularly went to.
An after-school club where she had her hands pierced clean through, where she was jumping out of planes and what was more, were people were simply expecting that of her as part of regular affairs. But to her classmates, that apparently was nothing special. Ingrates, all of them. Both at NERV and here at school. And yet, what other choice did she have? People should recognize what she was doing, that she was special, but without EVA, she wouldn't have a shot at it…
So school had never not sucked. But today it felt especially bad. There was no particular reason for that, it just… it just had all gotten way too much for Asuka. All the people, all the mindless chit-chatting, the ignorance of it all, the mundanity of it all, and here she was, Asuka, the saviour of the world forgotten by every last one of them. She just couldn't stand it anymore. People always drained her. People were always work. But now, she just wanted to get away from those mindless crowds. She just wanted to flee into her sanctum, the loneliness of her room, and sink into her Wonderswan, in order to forget the world around her. That world sucked.
That whole bowing ceremony at the end of class nearly pushed her over the edge. So stupid! So… servile! She barely stood straight again when she rushed out of the classroom already.
She reached the city park that lay on the route between school and Misato's apartment when this all did push her over the edge.
What was the sense of it all? She could go to that apartment now, yes, could sink into her Wonderswan for hours and forget the outside world. But then tomorrow she would have to go to school again anyway, and then again the next day, and the day after that, and in between she had to fight monsters and get orders barked at and waste her free time in some foul liquid smelling like blood and nobody would even just comment on that, no matter what she did. It just would never end, or so it seemed to her. And yet, this life was the only chance she had at being special, at being valued.
So she just stomped through the park, broke off small branches from trees and bushes, and threw them into the grass. It made no sense, but then, neither did the world. Finally, she just stopped and breathed heavily.
"There you are!"
A deep sense of fight-or-flight took Asuka. She whirled around… to see Kensuke running towards her. He seemed to be a bit out of breath. Asuka breathed out herself. As soon as she had recognized the boy, her fight-or-flight reflex was gone. People were work, exhausting, but Kensuke was…
...he was okay. Acceptable.
"You… you were gone so suddenly..." the boy spoke amidst slight gasps for air, "I was wondering where you are. I was…" He stopped.
What? He was… oh. Both stood there kinda awkwardly without speaking.
"Uh… you okay, Asuka?" Kensuke asked.
"Fine," Asuka grumbled. And after a pause: "It's just…"
"It's just what?" Kensuke asked after she had trailed off again.
"It's nothing!" Asuka insisted forcefully.
Kensuke blinked, and then grinned. It was a smile very typical of him, trying to look brash and carefree, but ending up looking somewhat, well... Awkward. And endearab… Asuka stopped herself there.
"Well then," he said. "Let's go to the arcade. I thought we'd go there anyway."
"I guess," Asuka grumbled. It had sorta become their routine, after all.
"You 'guess'?" Kensuke echoed. "Ah… I mean… we don't need to! We could also just go get something to snack, look up the shops, stuff like that!"
Asuka scoffed. "Yet more people around." When Kensuke looked at her quizzically, she continued, "I'm sick of people being around." Strangely, that didn't seem to extend to Kensuke, though.
"Oh," the boy voiced. He seemed dejected.
Shit. That kinda forced Asuka to actually say something. "You… you're okay. Not stressful to be around. You know how to keep me entertained."
"Well… uh…" Kensuke stuttered. He breathed out, as if something made him nervous. Then he smiled oddly. "I suppose that means you also don't want to see Misato and Shinji if you can help it? Eh... why not come over to my house then? It's not like I don't have enough video games around."
Now it was Asuka's turn to be dumbfounded for a moment. A boy inviting a girl over? That might already have people grinning and gossipping back in Germany, but here in Japan they seemed to be even worse about it. Like it was something that couldn't just be something ordinary.
...but it was Kensuke. The thought that he of all people would try to take advantage of a girl was ridiculous. Or, come to think of it, of her specifically. And it would get her away from all those people…
"Okay. Let's go," she decided in a gruffy voice.
Kensuke smiled at that. It was kinda annoying – here she was, feeling all depressed and grumpy, and then he showed such bright smiles that she couldn't help but kinda not feeling as dark anymore, either…
The Aida residence… Well, why not. It sounded like something that could be a refuge for her.
The ends of her lips tugged slightly upwards as she resumed walking through the park, now Kensuke at her side.
"Uh, I don't think we have much at home, though," Kensuke said. "Mind if we stop by a convenience store?"
Asuka just shrugged. As long as he would get it over with quickly. She still really wanted to get away from humans. However, she did have her Wonderswan after all, so when Kensuke entered the store, she just waited outside, leaned against the shop's facade, and continued her game.
When Kensuke came outside again, he was carrying two bags of chocolate peanuts. Asuka had hardly looked up from her console when the boy was already tossing her one of them. Without even really consciously noticing it, she caught it lightning quick with one hand.
"That's your meal?" she asked drily.
Kensuke shrugged. "I also got some insta ramen. Not sure if I'll eat it today, though."
Such an attitude would explain the figure…
She smirked and opened the bag, ignoring the weird look Kensuke gave her. He had just stowed the candy into his school bag, but Asuka thought she might as well try some of it right now.
"I gotta say, though, your disappearance act was nicely done," Kensuke commented with a grin. "All stealthy and so on. Very ninja like."
Asuka scoffed. "More like utterly bored from the history lesson and eager to get away."
Kensuke nodded. "I wonder where they turned him up. Our teacher, I mean. I mean, I guess it makes sense that he teaches history. He seems like an unearthed historical artifact himself."
Asuka emitted a rather vicious short laugh. "That would explain him." She ate one of the peanuts.
"Seriously, the way he goes on and on about pre-Second Impact Japan… I get it, that was his world and all, but he even does that in math classes!" Kensuke complained.
"Not that I need those classes," Asuka grumbled. But actually, it felt good to be able to grumble. To complain together with somebody else. It felt…
It felt normal. Like the sort of thing all the other kids in class seemed to be able to have in their lives.
"Yeah, that's a bit odd," Kensuke agreed. "I mean, the way they stuck you into our class." He paused. "I… I mean… not that I'm complaining! You're… you… uh…"
"I get it," Asuka just said, mostly just amused.
The two continued to just walk side by side in silence on the sidewalk, entering a neat neighbourhood of single home residences with small gardens, but it wasn't uncomfortable. The sun was shining overhead but it wasn't all too hot, or at least not by post-Second Impact Japan standards. The cicadas chirped, and a faint cool wind was in the air. Asuka thought that if interaction with all people were that nice, she probably wouldn't even need the wonderswan. But that was not how the world worked. Still, right now was kinda nice.
"So let's see…" Kensuke spoke up after a moment. "We could play a fighting game back home, but I think we already do that a plenty at the arcade. I have some nice racing games, that are rather mindless but fun, and I've also got..."
Asuka interrupted him with a scoff. "Afraid that I'll beat you again?"
"You are speaking about my home turf here," Kensuke answered with a cocky grin – a bold grin Asuka rather enjoyed and returned.
...and that was when the angel alert began to sound all over the city.
No! Nononono.
"Shit!"
It was just unfair. All the pain she had suffered in angel fights and even in training, all the years lost to mindless drill and training, the non-attention she had always gotten, and now that whole pilot business was even destroying the rare moments of contentedness she had? That just couldn't be fair.
She sighed. There was no helping it. She couldn't falter now. Not in front of Kensuke. Not if she wanted to keep having those content moments. Piloting still was her only shot at being special. So she turned to run towards the nearest main avenue, where Section 2 would pick her up.
Kensuke grabbed her wrist.
Surprised, Asuka stopped and silently turned around.
Kensuke visibly gulped. "Ah… Asuka. I just wanted to say… sorry." Asuka looked at him with a confused face. "Well, it's…. you shouldn't have to do that. Fight alien monsters, being ordered around, being just used as a tool, all that. And… and that's what's happening. And it's all for our sake, so that we get defended. That's why you're treated so badly. And… and you are, Asuka. You deserve better." Oh. Ohhh. "I… I guess I should have told you sooner. What they're doing to you, Asuka, it's all very fucked up. You deserve better. And I… look. I care about you whether you pilot or not, alright?"
Asuka just stood her, looking at Kensuke, her wrist still in his hand. The world seemed to turn around her.
Finally, she managed to say, "I… I need to go."
Kensuke nodded. "For our sake. But… once you come back I'll find a way to thank you, alright?"
Asuka stared at him again, then nodded, despite his words not fully registering – and then turned and ran.
000000
At least she would be able to kick ass and take names now. To show the world her superiority.
...though she'd still rather be at home. Or at Kensuke's home.
Asuka breathed out some bubbles into the transparent LCL around her. She felt frustrated, once again. Angry, but unable to articulate at what. Powerless, despite controlling the most powerful war machine ever designed by humanity. Boxed in in a life that didn't go as she thought it would.
"Come on! Where is this supposed angel?" she demanded to know. "I'll tear it apart!"
That would be something at least then. So far, the three Evangelion units – Mari's 00, Rei's 01 and her 02 – had been deployed on the surface, somewhere near the northern edge of Tokyo-3, right next to the forested hills that formed the northern wall of the caldera. Behind them, the hyper-compact city lay eerily quiet, its citizens evacuated into the subterranean shelters. Branches of nearby trees swung in the wind.
Weapons had already been stored all around the Evangelions. Expecting the fight to start with an engagement at range, all Evangelion units had been equipped with pallet rifles. They all had their blue, transformable shields attached to their left arms as well, and had their energy whips stored in their shoulders – but beyond that, a veritable collection of EVA-scale swords, sabres, spears and axes lay around them, ready to be picked up at a moment's notice, and even a bazooka, Mari's morningstar from the weapons test and Asuka's transformable sword/lance.
"Only if you're quicker than me," Mari commented, a predatory tone in her voice. She sounded like she was having fun.
Rei remained quiet, and so did Command. Finally, Misato announced: "Pattern Blue was detected one hour, eleven minutes ago, twenty-three kilometres away from your current position in a north-north-easterly direction, with no sign of movement." A pause, then she sighed in defeat. "Currently we have no idea where it is."
Asuka groaned, but Rei acknowledged, "Understood.", which only agitated the redhead even more. Always playing the obedient little tin soldier. That was probably why people liked Rei. It didn't matter that the blue-haired girl didn't have a simple angel kill to her name. But she was quiet, unassuming and subservient. That was all people expected of others. That was what they would have wanted of Asuka as well.
She growled in frustration.
"New Pattern Blue sighting!" That was that bridge girl… Maya something-something, that was her name. "Ten point four clicks straight north of the city, moving south-eastwards… estimated speed below ten clicks an hour."
Leisurely bastard…
"Do we have a visual?" Misato asked.
"One moment…" Maya answered. "Visual confirmed."
A moment later a holographic screen popped up to Asuka's right, a rectangle with cut off corner. It showed a wooden area full of pine trees, though half of them looked ill, without any green, or had broken down – remaining ecological fallout from Second Impact. And above it there was…
"What the hell is that?" Asuka asked.
Above the forest, there was a giant circle of just white light, nearly a kilometre in diametre. On closer inspection, the thin sides of the circles were not just curved lines; rather the white light formed a criss-crossing pattern which in turn formed the circle.
"The MAGI are running analysis," Ritsuko replied. "So far our data is vastly insufficient, though. It's definitely an angel. Mid-range to low AT Field strength."
Asuka groaned again. That meant the fight would be too easy. No doubt she would again suffer some kind of injury, but nobody would care, as the angel seemed likely to be easily defeated anyway. It was nothing where she could show off her skills.
"Angel is changing course, now going in a south-west-westerly direction and picking up speed." That was Maya again. Then the bridge technical gasped. "It's… it's gone. Visual contact lost. Our sensors aren't picking up the Pattern Blue anymore, either."
"Pilots, stay on guard!" Misato ordered sharply. "If the enemy can appear and disappear like that, it could appear here at any moment."
Asuka raised an eyebrow. "Not much we can do about that now is there..."
"Asuka! Discipline!" Misato bellowed at her.
The pilot grimaced in response but remained quiet. They have no idea what's going on, but they feel they need to always appear in control. Pathetic.
Another gust of wind went through the trees. The three Evangelions, lumbering giants of blue, purple and red, just stood there motionlessly.
...a blinding light filled the sky.
Asuka groaned and covered her eyes with her arm.
"Enemy contact!" Maya shouted. "Pattern Blue confirmed. It's the angel!"
"I got him!" Mari screamed, sounding supremely bloodthirsty.
"Asuka, Rei! Enemy at half past three!" Misato shouted.
Asuka squinted. Her eyes hurt, but she could see again. With thundering steps, her Evangelion turned around to look in the direction Misato had indicated.
In about a kilometre distance, there was thick line of pure white light line in the air, like a flying snake without face. It moved like a snake as well, zig-zagging through the air but clearly approaching the EVAs.
Evangelion Units 02 and 01 immediately raised their pallet rifles in unison, the double 'clack' of the released safeties a well known martial sound to Asuka. Mari, however, seemed to have other ideas. She picked up two EVA-scale cavalry sabres from the ground and crossed them in front of Unit 00's cyclopean face – Asuka thought she could practically hear their sharpness. Then she looked at the still sharply incoming angel, tipped the flat side of one of the sabres against the side of her Unit's head, almost as in greeting…
...and charged.
Dust rose in the air behind Unit 00's feet, and the asphalt of the streets cracked. Holding one sabre horizontally in front with the right arm, and letting the left arm with the other sabre trail behind, the blue Evangelion ran along a small street. Its giant legs strafed the building front to one side, and splinters of stone, steel and glass fell to the ground behind it.
And on the opposite side of the street, the angel. It now seemed to have locked onto Unit 00.
It truly was like a snake in the air, its head aiming right for Mari's Evangelion even while its body zig-zagged to the left and to the right as in uncontrolled spasms.
Asuka raised her pallet rifle to her EVA's head, to get a better aim, but she could get no good fix on the angel – Unit 00 was in the way. She growled and mentally cursed her fellow pilot. Mari's behaviour during synchtests was bad enough, but her instability during fights could make her a real burden. Asuka didn't think that demanding a bit professionality during fights was too much to ask for.
Asuka saw the angel and Unit 00 meeting through the visor of her rifle. It looked like they would just impact, but at the last moment, Mari threw her Unit to the right. Its torso missed the angel by a hair's breadth, while its trailing left-hand sabre was ready to strike…. But in a mockery of the laws of inertia and gravity, the angel changed direction 90° in full motion in order to hit Unit 00 full centre.
A fiery explosion ensued, hemmed in by the two sides' AT fields, its flames escaping upwards and sidewards like a giant cross. For a moment, Unit 00 held. Mari extended her transformable shield in front of it… and then the Evangelion was pushed violently away in the building front behind, crashing through it, the street of the other of it, and the building front behind that.
"Mari!" Misato shouted.
The angel stopped, as if to regard its work. Then it slowly elevated further into the sky, and with every metre it rose it seemed to further and further expand in size. Finally, it was at least half a kilometre above the ground, and over a kilometre in size. Its head found its tail, and formed that giant, rotating ring of light again. The ring's sides were made up of…
"Helices," Asuka whispered while continuing to look up.
The angel just hovered there and rotated, as if mocking the people below it.