Beta'd by the Evil Within and The Grand Cognator

Divinity Ain't What it Used to Be

In all the belief systems I've tried in life I never considered the creator of my universe can be kind of a couch potato.

-Carol, Guilded Age

Shota Aizawa had a problem. Well, to be more accurate, he had twenty problems, but one of his more mundane ones had just walked into the meeting room.

"Wow, what a crazy day!" Fukukado laughed as she entered the room. "Did your class drive you half as nuts as mine did?"

"I'd like to promise I have yours beat," Aizawa said dryly. "But I'll wait for Nezu to get here as I don't feel like repeating myself."

"Ah, come on! You never minded gossiping about your students before during our little 'get togethers'." Fukukado teased.

"No, I presented challenges I was facing in meeting my students' needs. You just read that as juicy gossip details." Aizawa retorted.

Fukukado sighed, slumping into a chair sideways. "That's because they're kids, Shota. Those little personal details are how you connect with them, help them grow as people, and not to mention give nods to whatever 'secrets' they think they're carting around. But Jesus Christ do I have some bundles of issues in my room."

"I do recall Mineta had reports of sexual misconduct in his file, did he cause you any serious issues?" Aizawa growled. He really tried not to get angry, but sexual harassment was never something he tolerated in any circumstance. That the attention could be directed to his close friend just made it worse, because she was a valued and respected colleague. Or something like that.

"You know, it was actually the darndest thing. He went up to several of the girls and apologized to them before class. If I didn't have access to their files, I also would have sworn half these kids had already been together for months beforehand." Fukukado said, lowering her voice. "And the other half! Shota, this is going to sound crazy, but they've definitely got some foreign or off the record connections or something. They don't act Japanese at all, and seemed surprised by cultural norms even though they tried to hide it. Also, it seemed like Mineta and Subaru have serious PTSD issues if how they reacted to my surprising them is any indication. It's...It's like those kids just got plucked out of a warzone or something, and we're working off outdated information."

Aizawa's eyes twitched. "You don't say."

"You're hiding something," Fukukado immediately pointed, frowning. "Ugh, would it kill you to just talk to me for once? Come on, this is serious shit here. Tell you what, I'll even sweeten the deal, we go for a date after work, get a couple of drinks, and-"

"No."

"Ha! Your face! Ha, seriously though, if this is anywhere near as serious as I think it will be, we ARE going to need a drink or something." Fukukado half-snickered even as she centered herself a little as Kan entered.

He paused, eyeing the joker for a moment, then the two of them together, then the Blood King drew out a flask and tossed it to her. "I don't normally condone drinking on the job...but, shit. After today we all need it."

Popping the cork, Fukukado sniffed, then raised an eyebrow. "You brought vodka to school? Wow, didn't think you UA teachers would be the type." Then she took a long swallow, letting out a satisfied sigh and smacking her lips. "God, that hits the spot."

"Pass it here," Aizawa said, holding his hand out.

Kan did a double take. "Wait, seriously? I thought you'd be the first in line to try and chew me out for taking to the bottle."

"Most things are fine in moderation, and some situations call for some kind of relief." Aizawa said, taking a long swig, swallowing, then taking another, quicker sip. "I have a feeling we're all dealing with fallouts of one kind or another. In mine it just happens to also be literal."

"Oh, I don't know, do you have Ayn Rand's biggest fanboy and his two sex slaves in your class?" Kan grumbled, swiping back the flask before it was drained.

"Ha, you're kidding me!" Fukukado laughed. Kan just took a long drink from his flask, his eyes staring ahead at a blank section of the wall as he settled back in his chair. "Oh, crap, you're not. Is, uh...it consenting? Fuck, I need more detail than that. Alright, you have got to spill next, Aizawa. I need the crazy front and center before I forget. What's the issue in your group? I know you've got that one kid who breaks his bones whenever he uses his quirk. Surprised I didn't hear anything about you expelling him already."

Shaking his head, Aizawa tried to clear his head from the alcohol. "Frankly, Midoriya might be one of the more well adjusted ones in my class. And possibly married."

"Oh, good, it wasn't just me with the over sexed weirdos. Seriously, Tanuki? Not even subtle with a name like that, you just know they're gonna be a horny bastard. I know these are teens but this is ridiculous," Kan grumbled. "I swear, it seems like half my class is draping themselves all over one another, and it's the first day! You'd think they were already together forever."

"Right? What the hell is up with that? They're 15, for crying out loud. I was horny when I was that age, still am, but I wasn't THAT bad," Fukukado complained. "So, who's Midoriya think he's hitched to? Let me guess, it's that girl with the goggles. I saw them running off together. Probably a good idea to keep an eye on them."

"Young Midoriya will be my responsibility, actually."

Aizawa closed his eyes and barely stifled a groan. Of course. He was here. He admired the man. Looked up to him. Hell, he'd become a hero to be like him. But he had literally never taught before, nor seemed to be trying to gain any teaching ability since it had been decided he'd head a major course. What was he even doing here? At least Fukukado took her job seriously, and was a competent enough teacher even if she was too touchy feely for Aizawa's tastes. Still, Aizawa had to give All Might a chance, if for no other reason than his wealth of experience made him a valuable asset and training tool.

"Hello everyone!" Nezu said cheerily, hopping up into his elevated chair from All Might's shoulder as the man himself took a seat. "We'll have a larger meeting later, but for the moment I wanted to talk to the three of you first. You all have a...let's call them, unique, class roster this year."

"Really?" Kan asked, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "You don't say? Aizawa told you it was a damn mistake to let in so many students with recommendations, and dammit, this time I'm agreeing with him! I'm not one to expel kids on the first day like he does, but I was this close to it! Multiple times! These kids are insane!"

"Well, you may have a few things you're not used to dealing with, but we will have to adjust." Nezu attempted to calm. "I'm sure our students' talents will one day make them valuable assets."

"Can you say that with certainty? Because I have a student who's seemingly half a step away from villainy already." Aizawa growled, his tone growing more hysterical by the second. "I almost think I need to be committed after today! Half my class is a bunch of chunibyo lunatics, with the collective power to blow up an entire mountain and the other half believes they've spent the last year in a fantasy realm and that they're the damn knights of the round table! And that doesn't even account for the two that think they're literal former deities!"

By the end of it, Kukuado and Kan were staring at Aizawa with open mouths, as he'd been shouting and frantic by the end of it. .

"Ok, you win," Fukukado nodded slowly, throwing up her hands. "I knew I never should have come to work for UA! How you talked me into it, Aizawa, I'll never know!"

"What? I never talked you into it!" Aizawa protested. "I remember telling Nezu you were a good teacher and a competent hero, even if you did annoy me to the bone, but I never would have tried to get you to come here."

"What? You practically begged me to apply! The only reason I did was because you finally said you might feel something for me!" Fukukado cried in indignation. "And now you're acting like you don't even want to see me! Stop being such a damn tsundere and stick to your usual cold self instead of giving a woman hope if you're just gonna deny it happening!"

"I did no such thing! I've never encouraged you, no matter how much I wanted to!" Aizawa snapped. Then blinked. Perhaps that liquor was hitting him a little harder than he thought. Or he really was going insane.

"Fukukado, Aizawa, focus. Tell me, exactly, what you remember about the hiring process this year." Nezu demanded with a quick chop of his paw, bringing their focus back. "Because I distinctly remember Aizawa and Kan talking me into expending the hero program, with All Might suggesting we hire Ms. Joke as our third teacher."

"Wait, really? You've heard about me?" Fukukado said, blushing and looking furtively at All Might.

The big man rubbed the back of his head semi-sheepishly. "Well, I recall that you were a bright young hero at one point, I did try to keep tabs on everyone, and we have spoken professionally once or twice, but once you retired into teaching I lost track to be frank."

After several minutes, everyone laid out their memories, each one conflicting, some in subtle ways, others vastly so.

"How do we all have different memories of the hero program expanding?" Kan demanded, looking baffled. "Did someone use a memory altering quirk on us?"

"Does this have something to do with the note you sent me, Nezu?" Aizawa asked, frowning. "Because I'd honestly half forgotten about that after what my students told me."

"Midoriya," All Might groaned, resting his head in his hands. "He does need to learn to be more discreet. I understand why he told Hatsume, but his entire class..."

"Oh no, I realized something was wrong before Nezu sent the note. Like the fact that I was unable to prevent one of my students from blowing up half the baseball field. That has to be repaired and refilled now." Aizawa groused.

"What, you couldn't stop some kid's Quirk?" Fukukado asked, looking worried. "I knew you'd probably gotten rusty as a teacher, but it's that bad?"

"No, my quirk is still fully functional. My student claimed to be using magic, and frankly, I'm starting to care less and less if she's right. Did I mention before that all my students claim to have been trapped in a fantasy world and had to defeat someone called the Lord of the Tomb and his minions? Because it seems to be gaining credence the more I consider it. Or the drunker I am. Probably both." Aizawa said.

"Oh." All Might looked to Nezu, who nodded. "Um, we have reason to believe that a good chunk of our students aren't from our reality at all, and that the rest spent an unknown amount of time in another world."

Fukukado burst out laughing. "Ha! And here I thought I was the jokester here, All Might! Wow, you and Aizawa really had me going there for a second! You're both..such...jokesters...oh. OH. ohmygod you aren't laughing, why aren't you laughing! ...You're not kidding, are you."

"Not even slightly," Nezu said grimly. "All Might has good reasons to trust Midoriya, who came to him directly and explained that he is from either an alternate future or timeline, and afterward spent several months in another world. He then returned to our reality, three months before he left."

"You're just going to take his word for it?" Kan asked, folding his arms over his chest. "I'm surprised."

"Have you noticed anything different about me?" All Might asked quietly.

Fukukado frowned, then her eyes went wide. "You're in your muscular form! I thought that was super taxing for you, why would you waste time in a meeting like that?"

Slowly, carefully, All Might unbuttoned his shirt, revealing his side. Or rather, the lack of something there. Aizawa sucked in a sharp breath. "Your injury. It's gone."

"Aqua healed me completely. Not even the strongest healing quirks I had scouted or sought help from from across the world could repair the entirety of the damage." All Might said as he redid his shirt. "But she did. Within minutes. Midoriya says she was a literal deity, and both he and Hatsume stated they've seen her raise the dead. She also...well, you all knew I was weakening. The truth was, my quirk was...failing. Faltering. Burning out. I feared that within a year I would lose access to it completely. You know such things have happened in the past."

Kan looked sick. "All For One. It was him, wasn't it. Normally he just took quirks, but if he had the chance…"

"Yes. But we need not fear. My quirk is restored. It's not as powerful as it was in my prime, but it's stronger than it has been in years, and I no longer feel it weakening." All Might explained, before hesitating. "And...there is another matter that should be discussed."

"You came here to find a replacement, didn't you," Aizawa immediately guessed. "I had my suspicions. Especially when you once said your quirk was called One For All. Can you do something with it, similar to what All For One could?"

"Yeah, OK, gift that keeps on giving or some shit probably, whatever, but did you just say we had GOD walking through our halls? And I also need you to clarify if we're talking uppercase 'G' God or lowercase 'g' god, because I really feel like that's important," Fukukado interrupted.

"If she's a deity, I'm becoming an atheist," Aizawa stated flatly.

Kan eyed him past his sadly empty flask. "You were already an atheist."

"Yes, but now, I will be forever devoted to the idea that there is a god, or multiple, they flat out don't deserve our worship, because that girl wasted no time in proving herself dumber than a bag of bricks." Aizawa snapped, stabbing a finger at the table.

"Midoriya indicated she was a healing goddess with a domain in the arts as well as water," Nezu said. "And as far as I can tell, there are two deities in your class. As for the others, well, we have to find out."

"If Naofumi's a god I am finding every copy of Atlas Shrugged and the Fountainhead I can find and burning them with extreme prejudice." Kan swore. "I remember being a jackass when I was a teen, but that boy has more in common with a rabid dog."

"We know the least regarding the status of the students in your class so far," Nezu admitted. "So far as I'm aware, I only have ready information on those in Aizawa's class, namely Sato Kazuma, Aqua Mizu, Megumin Bakuretsu, and Lalatina Ford Dustiness, aka Darkness."

"More pressing is that there is a very real chance that all our students really did clash with this Lord of the Tomb, especially given the evidence at hand," All Might stated gravely. "From what Midoriya told us, there is, or was, an evil overlord who has been systematically invading other universes and subjugating them."

"Alongside slaughtering their human populations, according to Belzerg, my misplaced royalty," Aizawa added, rubbing his forehead. "I was really hoping that was a delusion on their part for that reason alone."

"Perhaps it is, but exaggeration or no, right now, we have very real evidence that there is a serious existential threat out there, and that our world may very well be next on his list, or targeted in the future." Nezu nodded grimly "We'll be talking to the rest of our staff and bringing them up to speed with what we know, alerting higher branches in the Hero Commision as needed to ensure signs are watched world-wide. As for us, er will be interviewing each of the students in the first year hero course."

"I'll be going to my contacts in the government, as well as a few pro heroes I know I can trust. I've already contacted Sir Nighteye, he'll be coming in to help do readings on the students to verify these claims." All Might said. "As well as give us an idea of what sort of threats we, or they, can expect."

"So what about the rest of us?" Fukukado asked. "Look, I was a pro for a while and I've been teaching for nearly as long, but this is way the hell above my paygrade. This is so absurd I can't even think of a joke without getting into surrealism territory! How the heck are we supposed to teach gods and aliens?!"

"The same way we do every other kid I guess, even a bit easier if their standards are as low as I can guess." Aizawa sighed. "Once I calmed them down they did seem to all want to learn how to be heroes, or at least better fighters. The real trick will be pounding the meaning of heroism into them, I think."

"For now, we're going to play this close to our chests. I don't want the media getting a hold of this and it turning into a circus," Nezu agreed. "For all their supposed experience, they do seem to still, by and large, be young adults or teens who are in desperate need of molding. I trust you three are still up to the task?"

"I'll beat the objectivist bullshit out of them if I have to," Kan swore. "A real hero isn't a self interested asshole."

"Well, if these kids have been through as much shit as I think they have, someone needs to at least try and teach them how to smile again. Count me in too." Fukukado nodded, giving Nezu a thumbs up.

Aizawa shrugged. "I haven't run screaming for the hills just yet. If having Togata, Hado, and Amajiki in my class couldn't break me, neither will these kids. What is it with the blue haired bimbos…"

"Thank you all. I know this is going to push us all to our limits as educators, so I'm counting on you to all Go Beyond."

"Plus Ultra?" Fukukado said, her tone questioning.

"Plus Ultra," Kan and Aizawa echoed, both sounding tired.

"I'll let you all know of any further developments immediately," All Might said, standing. "I'll need to go speak with Sir Nighteye straight away. Hopefully he can offer some guidance."

With that, the meeting broke up, with Kan heading home to his family, and Aizawa and Fukukado alone.

Fukukado grinned at Aizawa. "Hey, I know what we should do, we should go on a date! A few more drinks would make this whole thing make more sense, don't you think?"

Aizawa considered that. "When you put it like that... Fine. At least then you'll also stop bothering me."

"Yeah yeah, see you tomorrow you-wait, did you just say yes?" Fukukado began to wave goodbye, before halting in her tracks.

"I just found out that god's real, and she's an idiot. I think getting plastered is about the right response," Aizawa stated.

Fukukado considered that, then shrugged. "Eh, I'll take what I can get. So, where are the good bars around here?"

"Do you seriously think I know much about the local nightlife?" Aizawa asked. "You pick one. I don't care."

"Ha! Just like the good ole days, back when we were lovers, patrolling the city together…"

"We were never lovers."

"Oh you kidder! I know you've got a burning flame of passion in your heart. Come on, let's find a karaoke place! It'll be fun!"

"I would literally rather die."

"Pff, after today, don't tempt me. Eh, come on, I think there's a dive bar not too far away. Smile, Aizawa! How many people get to say they're god's teacher?"

"Tell you what, I'll trade you classes. Then you can deal with them."

Author's Note

We'll be delving into the flashbacks to Belzerg in a few chapters, as I've decided to do them all as a chunk instead of interrupting the narrative every other chapter.