Beta'd and Edited by The Grand Cogitator

Chapter 25: Cards on the Table

Once you eliminate the impossible whatever is left, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

Principal Nezu

You'd think that sitting in a room with some of the most powerful people in the nation of Japan would have impressed Kazuma and his friends. That is, if you didn't know them very well. Kazuma figured at this point, he had hobnobbed with royalty for long enough that it just didn't bother him anymore, and he'd never been all that reverent of station in the first place.

As for Megumin and Tokoyami, they were so wrapped up in their own eccentricities they viewed social standing as more of a competition that could be won through force of will. Darkness and Uraraka at least attempted to behave in a respectful manner, but as a noble Darkness obviously considered herself the equal of anyone (who wasn't Iris) while Uraraka tended to treat everyone with the same level of friendly geniality.

And Aqua, well, she had been a goddess. And was a few french fries short of a happy meal. So not only did she figure she outranked everyone, she probably didn't understand social niceties anyway.

"So, just to be clear, we're not going to have to pay off all the damages?" Kazuma asked, looking around the room. "Because I seriously don't want to start my life here up to my neck in debt."

The chief of police, who was apparently a dog or something, blinked. "You...you are more concerned about debt, then the fact that there's an interdimensional warlord out to conquer the world, woof?"

They'd spent a great deal of time going over everything that could be dredged up about The Lord of the Tomb and his minions. It had been quite boring and lasted for hours, and by this point Kazuma was rather done with the whole affair.

"Meh." Kazuma gave a theatrical shrug and leaned back in his chair, putting his hands behind his head. "I deal with that sort of thing all the time. It's a pain, sure, but the worst that can happen is you die again. Debt? Man, it doesn't matter how many times you die. It's always there, waiting. And I just hate being poverty stricken."

"Plus, if you're poor, you have to worry about finding enough to eat," Megumin said, making a face. "Kazuma can make rations, but they get boring after a while. And they're not very good for my MP."

"Yeah, and, if you have money, you can buy weapons and armor to fight the bad guys with!" Uraraka added. "Proper funding is very important to an Adventurer-um, I mean, hero's, career. I learned that when we had to find the money to get enough sulfur and saltpeter to make gunpowder."

"Not to mention all the bronze," Tokoyami pointed out. "That was very expensive."

"Indeed, to properly martial forces to fight off the Lord of the Tomb is a considerable undertaking," Darkness agreed. "If we are in debt, we shall not be able to properly mount a defense."

"Plus, you need money for snacks," Aqua added. "And now that I have to eat, I'm going to need a lot more of those. Also, I think I need tampons? Uraraka said something about those. Can you eat them?"

That caused all the men in the room to look varying levels of embarrassed, and Kazuma to develop a sudden migraine.

"Aqua, those are, er, for girl things," Uraraka hissed. "Not the time!"

"Well, I suppose we can add basic sanitation lessons to the list of things we're going to need to go over!" Nezu said brightly. He, along with the Chief of Police, some government bureaucrat types, All Might, and a couple of other pro heroes were meeting with Kazuma's little group after their brief stint in the lock up, as well as their massive amounts of property damage.

So, really, a typical outing for the party.

Megumin let out an enormous yawn. "Are you done yet? At least in jail you get to go to sleep. Being reincarnated in a new world is very tiring. Can we just go home now?"

"Um, Vanir and I can answer your questions," Wiz pipped up. She'd remained relatively quiet, aside from assuring everyone that she was "not that kind of lich." "We don't need sleep. It's...one of the things I miss. I just wish that there had been enough time for Eris to…"

"What?" Aqua asked, frowning. "She promised to finally exorcise you like the unnatural abomination that-OW!"

Kazuma gave Uraraka an approving nod for having kicked Aqua under the desk. She was proving to be an excellent addition to their group. He could use a little more sanity in his life.

"We really want to know is; just what the heck are you gonna do with us?" Kazuma demanded. "I mean, now that you know we're time traveling aliens or something. Obviously, Uraraka and Tokoyami live here, so you should let them go at least."

"Their parents have been notified of their presence here," Nezu promised. "As for what to do with you, well I suppose you'll just have to keep attending school. After all, didn't you say you came to this world to learn to be heroes?"

"We already KNOW how to be heroes, for we are the legendary group who have-" Megumin cut off when Kazuma put a hand over her mouth.

"It's school, or prison and debt," he hissed in her ear. "What would YOU prefer? Because I'm pretty sure prison has a strict no Explosions policy!"

"We would be honored to attend this institution," Darkness said gravely. She'd had on her "responsible noble" persona for most of the night. Where had THAT been when they were getting thrown in jail?

"I think a bit of community service might be in order as well," the chief of police added. "You did, after all, destroy a restaurant and a police station."

"That sounds VERY reasonable," Uraraka said before anyone else could offer their opinion.

"Yes, we are grateful for your mercy," Tokoyami agreed.

"You will also be attending shall we say, remedial classes," Nezu put in. "To accommodate you to our local customs and laws. We understand Aqua's display wasn't an intentional violation of the law, but in future such things will have to be dealt with more harshly."

"What about those two?" Kazuma demanded, jerking his thumb at Uraraka and Tokoyami. "What went down wasn't their fault, and it ain't like they don't know what's up around here."

"Be that as it may, for now I think we're going to require their presence, if for no other reason than we can study these new abilities they seem to have gained," All Might said. "I'll be taking you four home myself. I'd like to talk with Aqua for a short time."

"Would you like to see more of my tricks?" Aqua asked eagerly. "I know tons of them!" She'd been delighted to show off her impressive array of party tricks to a captivated audience, though after a half dozen they'd moved on despite Aqua's willingness to perform more.

"Perhaps not in public. Remember, quirk usage is illegal, Aqua," All Might said gently as they all stood and headed for the door.

Uraraka and Tokoyami ended up getting taken home in government vehicles, where they would apparently be having very interesting conversations with their parents. Kazuma was sort of grateful he didn't have to worry about that. But that got him thinking about his own parents. They'd have been dead for hundreds of years now, if they'd ever existed in this wacky timeline.

Megumin seemed to notice something was bothering Kazuma, and took his hand as they walked the few short blocks to their apartment. Aqua talked animatedly to All Might about a variety of inane subjects, while Darkness seemed morose now that Tokoyami was gone. Apparently, she would miss her late night entertainment.

"Well, thank you for enlightening me on how being a goddess works, Aqua," All Might said, bowing to them when they'd reached their apartment building. "There's a police officer on duty to watch over you. Apparently, this is where all the students from another world are staying. That will merit further investigation, I think."

"Yeah sure, whatever you say big guy," Kazuma said, yawning widely. "Guess we'll see you at school tomorrow.

"Farewell. And, Aqua?"

The former goddess turned from going up the steps, giving All Might a happy smile. "Yeah?"

"Thank you. You still have one believer in this world, if that means anything to you."

That got Aqua to cry, and she rushed down the stairs and wrapped the startled hero in a hug. "Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!"

"Come on, let's get you to bed," Kazuma said, gently prying Aqua away from All Might. "You look worn out."

"I just...maybe, maybe I can still be a goddess, you know?" Aqua sniffed, wiping at her eyes. "If that's how things work here. I don't think we're in the Comedy realm anymore. I don't really know anything about the other divisions, but they do have different rules."

All Might's eyes went rather wide at that particular cosmic revelation, and he bowed again. "Farewell. We shall see each other in the morning."

With that, he leapt off into the sky, vanishing into the darkness of night.

Kazuma helped Aqua up the stairs, then passed her over to Darkness who took Aqua to her room. There were four bedrooms in the apartment, though the one that was supposed to be Megumin's was currently unoccupied, as the first thing she'd done upon arriving was to move her stuff into his room, apparently having decided they'd been dating long enough to get that serious. Not that Kazuma was complaining.

After the long day, Kazuma and Megumin both settled down into a hot bath, relaxing in each other's arms. The apartment was surprisingly luxurious, the sort of thing Kazuma would have called an expensive condo back in his version of Japan. It had two bathrooms, one with just a shower, and the other with that and a large bathtub.

Kazuma was ready to fall asleep, but Megumin cozied up to him, frowning slightly. "What's up?"

"Something is bothering you," Megumin said, tracing lazy lines on Kazuma's chest. It tickled slightly, but also reminded him he'd lost a lot of chest hair. Apparently, he really had been de-aged back to a Year 1 highschool student.

Kazuma shifted, then sighed. "Probably the same thing that's been bothering you since you talked to Yunyun this morning."

"Oh. I thought you hadn't noticed," Megumin mumbled, sniffing slightly.

"We've been friends for too long for me not to be able to tell when something's bothering you. You did a pretty good job of hiding it, but I saw you when Iris talked about Komekko."

Megumin pressed her face against Kazuma's chest, and he held her while she cried. He did a little crying himself. He'd miss the little bugger. Not that she'd been little, but still. He understood.

"You...you are thinking of your parents too?" Megumin asked after they'd both dunked their heads under water and scrubbed their faces.

"Yeah. I'm not real sure what year it is in relation to the ones I know. Midoriya said they reckon years now from QE, the Quirk Era. Doesn't matter. This isn't my world, I'm pretty sure. Besides. That had been Belzerg for a long time. But, you're here now. So are Darkness and Aqua, and Tokoyami and Uraraka, and Midoriya and Hatsume. Heck, even Iris, Yunyun, Eris, Wiz, and that smug prick. So I guess this is home now."

Megumin was quiet for a long time, and Kazuma closed his eyes, letting the water soak in. After a bit they got out, and when they were drying each other off, Megumin asked, "Do you want to go back?"

"Huh?" Kazuma asked, pausing and frowning.

"With Iris. Do you want to go back to Belzerg?" Megumin clarified.

Kazuma hesitated. He knew the answer he wanted to give, but he had to be sure. "Do you?"

"I don't know," Megumin admitted. "This world is strange, and I don't think they will let me use my Explosion magic very often. But...I don't know. If you are here, and the others...I could learn to live without my daily Explosions."

"Then we should stay," Kazuma said, putting his hands on Megumin's shoulders and drawing her close. "Together. It's peaceful here. Maybe the Lord of the Tomb never shows up. You and me, we do the hero thing for a few years, or I figure out some sort of other way to get rich. Then, I dunno. We become NEETs for the rest of our lives. Together."

Megumin managed a smile. "Ok." Then she took Kazuma's hand, and led him to bed. Then, it really did feel like home. After all, as long as Kazuma had his friends, did anything else really matter?

The next morning, Kazuma was awoken by a pussy sitting on his face. It was, unfortunately, the wrong kind of pussy for him to get excited about. So instead, he spat out some fur and picked Chomusuke up and lifted the dozing feline onto the bed. The cat yawned and stretched, her little wings fluttering slightly, and Kazuma frowned at the cat.

"So, what, are you still a dark god? Ever going to turn into that cat girl?" Kazuma demanded.

In response, Chomuske farted out a bit of fire, singing Kazuma's fingers, then rolled over and went back to sleep.

Swearing under his breath, Kazuma attempted to roll over and go back to sleep, only for there to be a sudden banging on the door. "Kazuma! Megumin! It is time for school!" Darkness called.

"Ugh, fine, we hear you, 'mom,'" Kazuma called as Megumin groaned and put a pillow over her head. He poked her with a sigh. "Come on, might as well. At the very least, I need to figure out what's up with Iris and Bakugo. Still gotta break those two up."

It was a bit weird and awkward getting dressed in front of Megumin. Though they'd lived together for hundreds of years in the divine realm, it had a decidedly different connotation back in the mortal world.

Aqua was munching away on a bowl of cereal out in the living room, while watching some cartoon show with, of all things, All Might as the main character. Darkness fried up a few eggs, while Kazuma showed Megumin how to use the rice cooker. Which, you know, was pretty easy. Rice, water, press the button. Done.

With Darkness' harrying, they all managed to get dressed and out the door relatively early.

"Hey, good morning, neighbor! It's a great day, isn't it!" a cheery voice called as Kazuma and company exited the door. He turned to find an ordinary looking boy in a UA uniform with a group of group of four girls, two of which were obviously twins, and another of which was-

"An elf?!" Kazuma said, taking a step back from the silver haired girl. She went scarlet as the boy glared, but Kazuma corrected himself. "No, wait, half elf. What the heck?!"

"Kazuma, you do recall what All Might said, don't you?" Darkness whispered in his ear, pulling him away from the other group. "This is the building where the people from another world are staying."

"Oh, right," Kazuma said. He stuck his hand out. "Sato Kazuma. From Belzerg. Which goddess shanghaied you people into this?"

That made the boy and the other girls relax slightly, which was good because the blue haired twin had pulled out a giant ball and chain from nowhere.

"Um, Natsuki Subaru. I guess I'm originally from Japan, but I've been living in Lugnica for a while. And er, we got pulled into this by Director Nagano."

They shook hands, and Kazuma had the oddest sensation of deja vu. "Have we...met before?"

"I don't...think so?" Subaru said, frowning. "Oh, sorry! This is Lady Emillia, I'm her knight, the twins are Rem and Ram, our close companions, and this is our friend Felt."

"Oh, so she gets a lady, but I don't?" Felt demanded, but then smiled and winked. "How'd ya do? Glad we're not the only ones those jerk gods dragged into this place."

"The short one with a hair trigger temper is Megumin, the tall pervert is Darkness, and the dummy over there is Aqua," Kazuma said, which made Subaru laugh and his companions blush.

"Barasu, I think this one is nearly as dumb and rude as you are," Ram remarked. She was nearly identical to her sister, save that her hair was pink instead of blue, and hung over her left eye. Well, and she didn't have a giant ass weapon in her hands.

"Kazuma! That is not a proper introduction! If we are going to be dating, you're going to have to learn to respect my culture!" Megumin informed him, poking Kazuma in the side.

He sighed heavily and stood up on one leg, waving his hands about. "Behold, I'm Kazuma. Master of a billion skills and slayer of the devil king, yada yada yada. Better?"

Subaru and his friends stared at Kazuma in bafflement, but the latter hid a smile. Megumin looked smug, and she was cute when she did that.

"Hmph. It needs work. Come, we shall go to school and practice your poses."

"Later," Kazuma called to Subaru. "See ya around. Oh, and just so you know, they know. We're in for a weird ass day."

"I knew Mineta would talk!" Felt growled. "Ohhh, he's gonna get it!"

"Is not Mineta the pervert that Uraraka warned us about?" Darkness asked as they descended the stairs.

"Why, I thought you had a boyfriend?" Kazuma quipped, then laughed when Darkness flushed. His humor ended when he saw who was waiting on the sidewalk, leaning on his axe. "You."

"Oh great, you live here too?" Bakugo said, scowling at Kazuma. It was sort of hard to tell if that meant he was irritated, as that seemed to be the volatile boy's default expression.

"Maybe, what's it to you?" Kazuma demanded, sticking his chin out and glaring up at Bakugo.

"I'm waiting for Iris," Bakugo growled.

"Why? What are you going to try with my little sister?" Kazuma snapped.

"I could blow him up," Megumin offered, giving Bakugo a vicious grin. "Show him who the REAL mistress of Explosion magic is!"

Bakugo cocked his head to one side. "Wait. Are you Komekko's sister? She was always on about her crazy ass explosion sister. Thought you'd be. I dunno. Taller? Older? Whatever."

That made Megumin's eyes go very wide, and she clutched at Kazuma, looking dazed.

"She IS Komekko's sister, you jerk! What's it to you?" Kazuma snapped.

"I owe her. She saved my ass a few times." Bakugo worked his jaw for a moment, then bowed stiffly to Megumin. "You need something fragged, you tell me. I'll help. Your sister...I was there when she died. Hell of a blast. Best I've ever seen. She was...well, the best damn wizard I've known."

"I always knew she would be better than me," Megumin whispered. She bit her lip, looking up at Kazuma.

A part of Kazuma's anger at Bakugo, or rather, his general frustration at his current lot in life, softened slightly. "Why don't we wait with Bakugo," he said quietly. "I'd like to hear about Komekko too."

"I ain't much of one for stories. Shit. But I guess I got time."

Author's Note:

And thus ends Act 1 of Season 2. Next up we return to the past of Belzerg in, Act 2 THE HEROES OF THE SOVIET YUNYUN.