December 24th, 1693. Lynn, Massachusetts

It appears that Dorothy, John and I may have found a permanent home here in Lynn, Massachusetts. I did not want to say anything too soon, but with each day that passes, I am more confident that our plan has worked, as well as our disguises. We are still staying with Edward and Julia and they have become very good friends. They have invited us to celebrate Christmas with them. We went along with them to church tonight and while the choir sang Silent Night, I closed my eyes. Things felt peaceful-the most peaceful they had been in a long while. And the song reminded me of past Christmases-ones spent with family and friends back in Salem. Before everything changed.

Despite the fact that we are settling into our new lives quite well, that is not to say that things have been easy. Dorothy has frequent nightmares and will still cry out for her mother-and even her father-just as often. I wake up and comfort her each time, letting her cry into my shoulder while I stroke her hair. Between her and baby John, I do not get much sleep myself throughout the night-if I am lucky to even get any at all.

Dorothy does not speak much-usually only to me. She has opened up a bit to Julia and Edward, but other than that, she is quiet. I, on the other hand, found myself talking as much as I could. Talking to Julia mostly. Trying to get as much off my chest without being too specific. Without letting her know the truth. If I do not let my frustrations out, I will surely go insane.

I talked a lot about losing my husband-losing John. I missed him terribly and had my own fair share of tearful moments-usually at night. Sometimes I would shut myself in the wardrobe as Dorothy and John slept and put a silencing charm around me so that I would not wake them up with my cries. Talking about John helps. I still cry, but not as much. But I still wish that he could be here. He would have loved his son-adored him, really. He would have taken Dorothy in as his own. He had a big heart. I would always tell him so and he would respond by saying, 'not as big as yours, Lizzie.'

I obviously could not talk about being convicted of witchcraft and of the time Dorothy and I spent in jail. But I talked about feeling lost and feeling alone and having my entire life suddenly ripped out from beneath me. Even though I could not talk about everything, any bit of talking at all helped keep me sane. And being able to get it all out in this diary has helped as well. A way fo me to be honest without speaking to someone directly.

I do occasionally feel surges of guilt about keeping a secret so large from Julia and Edward. They have been so kind and so trusting of us. They have given us an opportunity-a chance. A chance to start over. I hate that I cannot be truthful with them. But doing so will ruin everything we have worked for. I cannot endanger our lives like that again.

I have also been prepared to run again on a moment's notice, if officials from Salem find us out. Some men came through a few weeks ago and asked around, but naturally, no one had seen anyone that fit our descriptions-I must say, our disguises held up well. Questions were asked about us, naturally. We had turned up out of the blue, just around the same time that a woman and two children had gone missing from the next town. It certainly seemed suspicious. But we did not physically fit the descriptions of our old selves anymore and we have been using new names. Dorothy thankfully did not slip up. She gave the men the fake name she had been using, her voice steady as if she had been using that name her whole life. And everyone in town had nothing but nice things to say about us, which I was grateful for, even though their words were truthful. They had helped us, even though we had given them no reason to hate us or be suspicious or fearful of us.

It has not been easy by any means, but each day is better. Each day is a new day. And each day I am more and more certain that we are finally safe.

The potion Fred had given me for my nightmares worked perfectly. I didn't have a single bad dream for the entire week that the two drops I'd taken were supposed to last. In fact, I had quite a few good dreams. Almost every night, in fact. The rest of the nights were filled with uninterrupted and dreamless sleep, which was just as nice.

On the last night before the potion would be wearing off for the week, Fred asked me to stay with him overnight.

"Why, you don't think it's going to work for the final night?" I asked. "You're worried that you didn't do a good enough job and that it'll have grown too weak before I was due to take more?"

"I wouldn't say I'm necessarily worried," Fred said. "I'm certain it'll hold. It did for George and I and we even tested it on Lee and Verity and even Ginny, Hermione and Luna." He smirked at me as he brushed some of my hair behind my ear. "But I want to be with you in the morning to be sure that it lasts the whole way through for you. You know, I want to bask in the glory."

"I'm sure you do," I laughed.

I made sure to send Tom and Martha a note, letting them know that I'd be staying with Fred for the night and that yes I'd be on time for work the next day. It had almost turned into a running joke between us now that was mentioned every time I left the flat.

"Maybe you should keep some of your things here for nights like these," Fred suggested as he tossed me one of his sweatshirts and a pair of pajama bottoms to change into. "I don't mind. I promise I won't steal your clothes either." He winked at me and I laughed.

"But do you mind me stealing yours?" I asked, tugging off my own shirt and pulling Fred's sweatshirt on instead. "Is that the real issue here? You don't like letting me borrow your things for the night?"

Fred walked over to me, his eyes traveling over me from head to toe as he reached forward, grabbing the front pocket of the sweatshirt and tugging me towards him. "No, I like it when you wear my clothes. I was honestly thinking about how it would only make things easier for you. If you wanted your own things to wear...and anything else you needed to get ready for bed or ready in the morning. To save time. So you don't have to leave here extra early."

"So it's really so you'll have more time with me," I said thoughtfully. "It's an idea that does still benefit you."

"Of course it does," Fred murmured, leaning in to kiss me.

"Want to play a game of wizard's chess?" I asked between kisses. "I need the practice so that I can beat Ron one day. You still haven't told him I've been practicing, have you?"

"No," Fred muttered, almost in disinterest as he continued kissing me, even as I tried to talk to him.

I pulled back with a laugh and took his chin in my hand, my fingers curling around one side and my thumb lightly resting just under his lip. "Good," I giggled. "Because I plan to take him by surprise."

"I thought we agreed it would be a long time before you ever beat Ron," Fred said. "Years. We might all be dead by then."

"Well, if I don't practice, that will definitely be the case."

Fred let out a low whine. "Can't we just stay right here?" He asked, tightening his grip on my waist and pulling me closer.

"No," I laughed. I paused for a second. "Not forever, anyway."

"Why not?" Fred asked, his hand slowly dropping a bit lower and trailing down over my lower back.

"Because there are times when you can and maybe should keep your hands to yourself, you know," I teased.

"I mean, I could," Fred murmured, "but why the hell would I want to? Besides...we're alone. This is not one of those times."

I let out a playful sigh of frustration and pulled out of Fred's grasp, leaning in for one last quick kiss before heading for the door. "Meet you by the chess board in five. I'm ready to kick your ass."

"Fine, but if I win, you owe me a kiss."

"Just one?" I teased, turning in the doorway and looking at him playfully as I jutted my hip out and narrowed my eyes. "Are you sure? That's where you want to set the stakes?"

"How about every time one of my pieces knocks yours off the board-or the other way around-we remove a piece of clothing?" Fred suggested with a sly smile.

"George and Katie are supposed to be back from dinner any moment," I said with a shake of my head. "Besides, that wouldn't exactly be fair-one of us would end up wearing way less clothing. Most likely me."

"Exactly," Fred replied, crossing his arms as he kept the smile on his face. His eyes quickly flicked downwards towards the clothes of his that I was wearing and then back up to my face, the sly smile on his face widening. "So...what do you say?"

"No, Freddie," I answered with a laugh, leaning against the door frame and smiling. "Like I said, George and Katie will be home soon. So what's it going to be? One kiss? More? None?"

"More," Fred said quickly. "Always more. Definitely more."

"Okay," I agreed lightly, smiling wider at him and turning for the hallway. "See you soon."

It turned out that I did not kick Fred's ass in chess. In fact, he kicked mine, which resulted in him actually doing a victory lap around the room before returning back to where I was sitting and practically crashing into me for a kiss. I laughed despite the fact that I reflexively flinched a bit at the sudden contact.

"Sorry," Fred mumbled against my lips. He froze his movements for a bit and cradled my cheek in his hand as he gave me one more gentler kiss. He brightened suddenly and grinned down at me. "I just wanted endless kisses," he went on jubilantly. "You promised. You said I could get as many kisses as I wanted."

"I didn't realize endless was an option," I said with a laugh, looking at George and Katie in exasperation. They had returned to the flat halfway through the chess game and had actually gotten quite invested in watching us. Katie had obviously wanted me to win, and she kept trying to subtly give me pointers using hand motions. She tried to hide them from George, but he noticed and hit her with a pillow from the couch.

Even still, I had lost miserably.

"Fred!" I squealed now as he peppered my face so excitedly with kisses that I almost fell out of my chair. My elbow collided with the chess board and knocked a bunch of pieces over. "You're going to break your chess set! Didn't you tell me it cost an arm and a leg?"

"More like two arms and two legs," George muttered, taking a sip of his firewhiskey as Fred-still covering my face and neck with kisses-picked me up from my chair and carried me away from the chess board and over to the couch where he gently dropped me down on the cushions.

"Oh, so it's two arms and legs now," I said, twisting my head around to look at George as Fred continued peppering kisses all over my face and neck. "Stop," I laughed, trying to push him off.

"It was always two arms and two legs," George went on seriously. "One of each of ours," he explained, gesturing between himself and Fred. He then gestured to the side of his head. "Oh, and an ear."

"George," I giggled as Katie walloped him with the pillow he'd hit her with earlier.

Fred finally stopped kissing me and dropped down breathlessly on the couch by my feet. He pulled them into his lap as he tilted his head back over the back of the couch and caught his breath.

"Soph, you're worse at chess than you are at ice skating," he panted, tilting his head to the side so he could look at me.

I let out an insulted scoff of laughter. "Thanks for that," I muttered. "But soon I'm going to be skating circles around your ass-I just have to start practicing."

"Mm, I'll mark that on my calendar for sixty years from now," Fred assured me. "Pretend to be impressed while Sophie skates circles around my nearly eighty-two year old ass."

I groaned and pressed my hands over my face before letting out a cry of frustration. "How do people do it?"

"Do what?" Fred asked casually.

"Spend so much time around you without hitting you?"

"Dunno," Fred said. "The better question is how do they spend so much time with me without hitting on me?"

George almost spit out his firewhiskey from laughing so hard. I, on the other hand, lowered my fingers partially from my face, so that my eyes were exposed but my hands remained resting on my cheeks as I glared at Fred.

"Fred?" I asked.

"Yes, darling?" He asked, flashing me a cheeky smile.

"Remember when you told me you appreciated a well-deserved rude hand gesture?" Without waiting for an answer, I slowly lowered every finger of my left hand except for my middle one, which remained pressed against my cheek as I kept my eyes locked with Fred's.

"Oh, I'm so insulted," Fred said, pretending to cry into his hands. "Hang on, let me wipe away my tears." He lifted his head and used only his middle finger to swipe under his eyes before sticking out his tongue at me as I laughed and lightly poked him in the stomach with my foot.

"Jerk," I muttered.

"You started it," he argued with a shrug.

We all stayed up a little longer before George and Katie turned in for the night and Fred and I followed soon after. I snuggled down under Fred's covers and let out a sigh of contentment as I made myself comfortable. Fred crawled in beside me and pulled me to him so that my back was pressed against his chest.

"Sweet dreams," he said with a smile.

I laughed and turned my head so that I could lean up and kiss him. "I'm sure they will be. Thanks to you."

Fred smiled down at me for a moment before leaning in to kiss me again. "See you in the morning," he said. "Make sure you get up on time for work, yeah?"

"Make sure you let me leave on time for work," I retaliated.

"Sure, blame it all on me," Fred yawned, resting his cheek against my shoulder as he closed his eyes.

I laughed quietly and turned my head to lightly kiss his forehead. And then I snuggled back into the pillows and fell asleep.

For the seventh day in a row, I didn't have a single nightmare.

"Rach? Can I ask you a favor?"

It was the following Wednesday and Rachel and I were both closing up the Leaky Cauldron together. The guests had left for the night, and so had Kyle, leaving Rachel and I to finish cleaning up.

"Sure, what is it?" Rachel asked, pulling off her apron and tossing it into the basket we used for the laundry.

I did the same with my own apron and picked up the basket, balancing it on my hip as I chewed on my lip. "I've been thinking..."

"Have you?" Rachel asked teasingly as she rested her elbows on the counter and propped her chin in her hands. She looked at me expectantly, widening her dark brown eyes almost comically. "Tell me more."

I let out a breath of laughter before looking back up at her seriously and almost a little nervously. "I'd like to go to the cemetery where Noah's buried. I'd like to see-to see where he-where he...is."

Rachel blinked at me a few times, the smile slowly fading from her face. "Oh," she said slowly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you by bringing it up."

"No, I just didn't expect you to ask that," Rachel answered, shaking her head. "Of all things."

"I hate to ask, but I just wanted to know if you'd go with me. We both have tomorrow off, so I was hoping..." I swallowed. "If you don't want to, that's okay. I'm just kind of afraid to go alone. But I do feel as if I need to go. I wasn't allowed to go to his funeral and I'd just been thinking how badly I felt about that. And it's my fault he's dead-"

"It's not," Rachel said firmly. She gave me a tired smile and ran a hand through her hair as she tugged it out of her ponytail. "Of course I'll go with you. I haven't been since the funeral..."

"Are you sure you want to go?" I asked. "I know you miss him, and you knew him longer than I did, so-"

"I'll go," she insisted, grabbing her coat off of the hook by the door. She turned to look at me. "I'll be by at eleven to get you."

She didn't even let me respond before she had left, letting the door swing shut behind her. I heard her key in the lock and heard the lock click and I still remained where I was, just staring at it.

"Eleven o'clock," I whispered to myself as I turned for the staircase, adjusting the laundry basket on my hip as I did so. "Got it."

Rachel was unusually quiet the next morning. She waited for me out by the entrance to Diagon Alley. She didn't even come inside the Leaky Cauldron. And when I got out there, she was just leaning against the wall with her arms folded.

We Apparated to the cemetery without a word and she led the way down the path, also without a word.

I felt increasingly more nervous the more we walked through the cemetery. My heart was pounding and my stomach was in knots. How was it possible that being here would help? I'd really been convinced for a while that it might. Fred said it had helped him to visit Percy's grave, even though he hadn't thought it would help at first either. But I suddenly wasn't so sure.

Besides my discomfort about being here at all, I was now feeling like I'd touched a nerve with Rachel-although she hadn't had to agree to come if she hadn't wanted to. I always knew how affected she'd been by Noah's death, but her silence this morning was unnerving and only making my anxiety about this worse.

Finally, Rachel took a left and headed down a row of headstones. She paused for a moment somewhere towards the middle and took a steadying breath before continuing to the next headstone, where she stopped again and turned to look at it. She shoved her hands deep in her pockets and kept her head down. The wind was whipping her long hair around her face, but she didn't even bother to fix it.

I stood back for a moment before taking a deep breath of my own and joining Rachel at Noah's grave.

Noah Henry Thompson

April 17th, 1977 - September 2nd, 1999

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal. Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

I found myself smiling slightly at the quote etched on the dark grey stone. I knelt down and traced my fingers over the letters of Noah's name.

I felt like I should say something, but I didn't know what to say. I'm sorry? It should have been me? Would it even make a difference if I said anything at all? Would my words reach anyone's ears besides mine and Rachel's or would they be blown away by the wind? Did it even matter? Did my words even mean anything anyway? I was sorry and no matter what I'd felt, it hadn't been me in the end. Instead it had been Noah, because he'd been in the way. He'd been convenient to use to get to me. I was grateful to be alive, but angry that Noah had been in the line of fire.

"I miss you," I finally whispered. "And you should be here right now. With us. I wish you could be." My voice broke on the last word and I pulled my hand back from the stone, clasping it with my other one and resting them in my lap. I turned my head slightly, resting my chin against my shoulder as I glanced towards Rachel, tilting my head up to look at her face. "Are you okay?"

She didn't answer me right away. She just stood with her hands in her pockets, completely still, staring at Noah's grave from her spot slightly behind me. Finally, her lip trembled and she shook her head.

"No," she whispered tearfully.

I immediately stood up and pulled her into a hug as she cried into my shoulder.

"I know," I whispered, tears coming to my own eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," Rachel sniffled, pulling back and sniffling as she wiped her eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you? You didn't kill him. You didn't want him dead. You cared about him too."

"Eric wouldn't have bothered him if he hadn't been trying to get to me," I said tearfully.

"But you didn't even think Eric would follow you here," Rachel said. "It's why you left America to come here in the first place. To put distance between you. Leave it all behind and make it harder for him to find you."

"I hoped he wouldn't follow me," I said. "I didn't know for sure."

"Well, he might not have found you if it hadn't been for your mother, so if you're going to blame someone, blame her," Rachel snapped.

I froze for a second at that before letting out a sigh and tipping my head back. She was right. But things were also way more complicated than that.

"I'm sorry," Rachel said quietly, swiping at her nose with the back of her hand. "I didn't mean for that to come out so harsh."

"It's all right. You aren't wrong, you know. But it's also somehow not that simple."

"It isn't with you either," Rachel shrugged. "But you can't keep kicking yourself over it. You didn't plan for any of this. You were just trying to escape Eric and save your own life. You didn't know any of this was going to happen, even if you worried about it possibly happening." She shrugged again. "If Noah hadn't wanted to get involved with you, he wouldn't have. He knew you had some things going on, but he didn't care. None of us did. He liked you and so did the rest of us."

I paused. "Did you like him?"

"We were really good friends," Rachel answered, digging her toe into the ground and shrugging for a third time.

"That's not what I meant," I said.

Rachel let out a short, watery laugh and looked up at the sky. "You know, it wasn't until after he died-which sounds so cliché. That's how it always is, isn't it? Too little too late? But anyway, it wasn't until after he died where the thought crossed my mind. That maybe he and I could've worked." She slowly walked around to the back side of Noah's grave, trailing her fingers across the top before leaning forward on it with her palms and looking at me with a slight smile. "He and I went to the Yule Ball together," she said. "He told me he liked me as more than a friend. I let him kiss me under the mistletoe." She shrugged as tears came to her eyes again. "But I got scared," she whispered, her voice cracking. "I thought that if we dated, our friendship would somehow be ruined. And I loved our friendship."

"Rach," I breathed out, closing my eyes.

"I went and dated some guy-some guy who is now irrelevant. He broke my heart and I knew I could have never taken a chance of that happening with Noah. I didn't want to take a chance of it happening again at all. I was afraid. What if it turned out badly again? I was supposed to just keep wasting my time?" She let out another laugh that sounded more like a sob and swiped her hand under her nose again. "But now...now I see Kayla and Chris, you with Fred, and now Allie with Lee. And I think about Tom and Martha, and even my own parents. And I think that maybe sometimes it is worth it. Worth a few people wasting your time in order to find the one where there never seems to be enough time. And maybe that person could have been Noah. But by the time I started considering that, it was too late. Noah was already gone." She took in a deep breath. "Sometimes I think I really fucked up deciding not to date him."

"I had no idea," I whispered. "I wish you'd told me. I wouldn't have-"

"Oh, don't be silly," Rachel said, waving a hand dismissively. "I still didn't quite even know what I wanted by the time you showed up. I was the one who even tried to set you up with Noah, if you remember. No, I didn't realize any of this until after Noah died. Like I said, too little too late. And then I even wondered if the only reason I was even thinking that way was because he was dead. I wondered if it was even real." She sighed and rubbed a hand over her eyes. "He and I were so different. Almost complete opposites."

"And you think Fred and I aren't?" I asked. "Or even Allie and Lee?"

Rachel shrugged and shook her head. "I guess."

"Why didn't you say anything?" I asked.

"What was I going to say?" Rachel retaliated, looking up at me. "What would it have accomplished?"

I thought that over for a moment. I figured she had a point. Finally, I simply shrugged my shoulders. "I just wish I'd known is all."

"Well, you know now." Rachel sighed heavily and stared down at the top of Noah's headstone.

"Rach?" I asked quietly, my eyes on the etched letters of Noah's name in the stone. When I knew she'd looked up at me, I kept speaking. "In complete honesty...was there a part of you-any part at all-that blamed me for what happened to him? You keep telling me no, but I need to know-even if it was the smallest part of you and even if it was only briefly." I raised my eyes to meet hers. "Did you blame me?"

She and I stared at each other for a moment before Rachel's eyes filled with tears again and she slowly nodded her head once.

I swallowed and looked back down at the ground. I'd expected that, but it still hurt to see her nod her head.

"It was a small part of me, Soph," Rachel explained. "Right after he'd died. I was hurt and angry and confused. At the world, mostly. At life. At the unfairness. Not so much at you, but the thought flitted across my mind at least once or twice that if you hadn't shown up-" she broke off and shook her head. "But I quickly realized how pointless it was to blame you. Like I said, you weren't trying to hurt anyone. You didn't want any of that. It was what you'd been afraid of all along. It was why you kept trying to leave. And we all kept urging you to stay. You weren't the one who actually killed him. The look on your face after you'd found him-you were distraught yourself. He was still haunting your dreams, Sophie. Right up until a week and a half ago."

I didn't look at her as I processed what she'd said. "You were still always so nice to me. You never let it show that you may have blamed me even for a second. You barely even let it show how upset you were. Not to me, anyway. While I was at the Burrow, I'd heard you weren't doing well, but by the time I saw you again..."

Rachel sighed. "I was trying to move on. And I didn't want to make things worse for you by unloading my own grief onto you. You were already upset enough. Telling you all of this back then would have only made things worse. I was afraid you'd try to leave again. I knew you already wanted to because of Noah, but if I told you that I felt you deserved any amount of accusation, for however brief a time I felt it-I was afraid you'd just disappear."

I took in a shaky breath and slowly let it out. "I suppose you're right," I whispered. "It would've made things worse for me if I'd known back then."

"We all have ghosts, Sophie," Rachel said. "We've all experienced loss and grief and disappointment. None of us are strangers to this. I know you felt as if you were alone when you got here and I know you did have a lot to deal with-I'm not saying you didn't. But I'm also glad you ended up staying here with us and letting us go through everything with you. That's what friends and family do for each other. And I wouldn't trade that for the world. Of course I wish Noah was alive. I still get sad and angry and frustrated that he's gone. But I also wouldn't trade his life for yours. I know you think it should've been you instead, but that's not how this works. That's not what anyone else wants. If it had been you, there would be people coming to stand crying over your grave."

I smiled slightly. I had said almost the same things to Fred about Percy. If only it had been as easy to take my own advice. If only I'd have known that I'd have to.

"I wouldn't bring Noah back for you to even go back to the way you were living," Rachel went on. "I never wanted that, either. What I really want would for both of you to be alive and happy, but that unfortunately couldn't happen and we have to learn to come to terms with that. But you matter, Sophie. And you're one of my best friends."

I looked up at her in slight surprise before smiling. "Best friends, huh?" I asked. "I've never really had one of those before."

Rachel let out a laugh and reached down to grab a handful of snow before tossing it in my direction as I squealed and turned away.

"That's cold!" I gasped as some of the snow brushed against my cheek.

"Well, yeah, it's snow," Rachel laughed as she came back around to the front of Noah's grave and stood beside me. She looped her arm though mine and let out a sigh. She tilted her head to one side and then the other before raising her wand and aiming it at the base of the headstone. A small bundle of lilacs slowly appeared, resting across the spot where she'd aimed her wand.

"Lilacs. The flowers he gave me when he took me to the Yule Ball," she said with a soft smile. She let out a quiet laugh. "I can still see him at the bottom of the stairs, beaming at me before pulling them out from behind his back. I think the blush that appeared on my face could've given you a run for your money."

I smiled and gestured towards the flowers with my chin. "He would've loved them," I said. "And I think if he were here now, he would be the one blushing."

"I think so too," Rachel chuckled. She smiled and tugged on my arm. "Come on, let's get out of here. What do you say to some food and some retail therapy in Hogsmeade?" She nudged me. "Valentine's Day is coming up. You have to get Fred something."

I gaped at her. "I didn't even think of that! Valentine's Day, I mean! I've never had a reason to."

Rachel let out a laugh and a groan as we headed for the cemetery gates. "What would you ever do without me, Sophie McConnell?"

"Clearly, I'd be forgetting all about Valentine's Day. I don't think Fred even has anything planned for us to do. George is going out with Katie, but Fred said he's not much of a Valentine's Day kind of guy."

Rachel shrugged. "He's not. And you're not a Valentine kind of girl so he probably won't make a big deal out of it. But no doubt he'll buy you some gimmicky kind of gift. Like a giant teddy bear or something. Just for laughs."

"Then why would I get him something special?" I laughed. "Why not also get him something gimmicky?"

I suppose that would make sense," she said. "He probably would love that more than anything serious." She shook her head. "What a weird relationship you two have."

"It's always been weird," I laughed. "Sometimes I don't think a single thing about it is normal."

"Well what would you expect from two weirdos like the two of you?"

"Two misfits," I whispered with a giggle.

"Exactly." Rachel nudged me again and I nudged her back. She bent down to get more snow to throw at me, but I began to run away.

"See you in Hogsmeade!" I cried, Apparating away without waiting for a response.

I was surrounded by trees and wearing a white sundress. Two things that nagged at the back of my mind as familiar, almost giving me a sense of deja vu. But at the same time, things were different.

For one thing, I wasn't running. I was standing completely still. And instead of being in the middle of dark woods, this time, I was actually in a clearing. The clearing behind the Burrow where the Weasleys played Quidditch, to be exact. And the sun was out.

No one was out here now except for me. It was quiet except for the chirping of birds and the sound of rustling leaves. I shielded my eyes from the sun as birds continued to chirp overhead and as white, puffy clouds lazily drifted by. The breeze blew through my hair, lightly whipping it around my shoulders and neck. I took in a deep breath before slowly letting it out. And then I lowered my gaze from the sky as I looked around.

It was so quiet here. There were no footsteps or twigs cracking and branches snapping. My heart wasn't pounding in fear. I wasn't gasping for breath.

I also wasn't covered in blood. My dress was clean, the soft white fabric almost blindingly bright in the sun. The skirt blew around my knees, lightly tickling my skin. The dress had an open back, showing off my scars. But the scars weren't bleeding. They weren't fresh. They'd healed as much as they could.

I closed my eyes and took in another deep breath as I tilted my face towards the sun. I felt a slow smile spread over my face as I stood there, enjoying the quiet and how peaceful I felt.

"It's nice to see you so happy."

My eyes flew open and I whirled around at the sound of the voice. A quiet breath flew out of my mouth when I saw Noah leaning casually against a tree. His arms were crossed over his chest and he was smiling at me fondly. He was dressed in jeans and a plaid shirt and there wasn't a speck of blood on him. Most importantly, he was alive.

"Noah," I whispered, tears coming to my eyes.

"Aw, come on now...don't cry." Noah chuckled lightly as he pushed off the tree and came towards me. When he reached me, he slowly reached out and wiped his thumb across one of my cheeks and then the other, drying the tears that had trailed down my face.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, a sob escaping me as I looked away, wiping my eyes myself this time.

"What for?" Noah asked, confusion flitting across his face.

"For-for-well, for everything! If it weren't for me, you'd still be alive."

"Is that so?" Noah asked, feigning surprise. He looked up at the sky thoughtfully. "Huh. That's funny, because the last thing I seem to remember before everything happened was looking up at some ugly bloke's face." He looked back at me with a smile. "And you're certainly no ugly bloke."

I let out a watery laugh and swiped at my eyes again before sniffling and looking up at him. "People keep telling me that. That I wasn't the one who killed you. And maybe I wasn't-not directly. But indirectly...it feels like it was entirely me."

"There wasn't anything you could do, Sophie," Noah said quietly. "He would have gotten me anyway, and if not me, someone else."

"But that's exactly it. If I hadn't-"

"And if not someone else," Noah went on, firmly cutting me off, "then it would have been you." He put his hands on my upper arms and peered into my face. "It would have been you, Soph."

"Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better that way," I muttered. "Sometimes I feel that it should have been me."

"I thought you'd moved on from thinking like that," Noah chided. "That's what you told Fred, isn't it? More or less, anyway. When you were in Salem. On the boat. You told him you had been starting to see that there was a point to all of it. To living. Besides, what would he do without you?"

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. I couldn't speak. My chest was tight and my eyes were filling with tears again.

"He loves you, Sophie," Noah said fiercely. "You saved his life just as much as he saved yours. Maybe you couldn't have saved me, but you saved him. You made a difference. You made a difference to Tom and Martha, who spent years longing for a daughter." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "And then you showed up. You brought along some baggage, sure, but you're not some kind of storm cloud. You brought some good along with you to London. I just wish you'd see that."

"And I just wish you were alive!" I exclaimed. "You didn't deserve what happened to you, Noah." I looked at him in exasperation. "No one deserves to die the way you did. But the worst part is that you were only twenty-two years old!"I scoffed. "Do you have any idea what it was like for me to be the one to find you?" I whispered.

Noah's face fell. "I'm sorry-I know." He smiled, his face brightening a bit. "But hey-look at me now. Even more handsome than ever, if I do say so myself."

I rolled my eyes slightly and looked away. "I just miss you is all," I whispered. "Death isn't easy for the people who are left behind grieving."

"I know," he said again, his voice quiet as his expression became serious once more.

"Rachel was devastated. Kayla and Allie, too. Tom, Martha...all of us."

"Well you can tell them that I am doing just fine," Noah said, reaching out and gently lifting my chin up.

"Just fine?" I repeated in disbelief.

"The afterlife isn't so bad," Noah shrugged. "Of course I would much rather be alive. I can't lie to you. But death is harder on the living, ironically enough."

"You're telling me," I snorted "I'm not sure this is the same as actually having you around," I sighed. "But I'll tell the others what you said."

Noah smiled and took my face between his hands as he smiled down at me. "I meant what I said earlier. It's good to see you happy."

"You call this happy?" I asked, letting out a tearful laugh as I gestured to my puffy, tear stained face.

Noah smiled and gently brushed his thumbs across my cheeks. I felt my tears dry and the puffiness of my skin disappear-as if by magic. But I supposed in dreams, anything could happen.

"You are happy, Soph," he whispered. "I know you wish I was there with you, and I do too, but I'm never far away, okay?"

I nodded as he smiled and let go of my face. He bent down and plucked a lone wildflower out of the ground before straightening up and gently sliding the flower into my hair, the stem brushing over the top of my ear.

The sound of trees rustling came from my left and I turned to see Fred standing at the edge of the clearing. He looked hesitantly between me and Noah as he slowly made his way towards us and stopped when he was halfway to us. He stuck his hands in his pockets and looked at me with a small smile.

"Go on," Noah urged quietly, nudging me towards Fred.

I hesitated and looked back at him over my shoulder, studying him and committing how he looked to memory. If there was something different about me, there was something different about him as well. He also seemed at peace.

"Noah?" I asked. I swallowed and let out a puff of air. "You're-you're not angry or anything? Hurt? Because I've-"

He smiled. "You're asking if I'm angry that you moved on?" He shook his head. "No. I couldn't be. That wouldn't be fair."

"You're really okay, then?" I asked.

"Of course I'm okay. I'm with you."

I couldn't help the small smile that spread across my own face. "I appreciate that. But-not for long. This all has to end. It's not real. It's all in my head."

"I don't think you quite understood," Noah said, beaming as he stuck his hands in his pockets and rocked forward slightly on his feet. "You're right-I'm here with you now inside your head. But this is where I plan to stay, even if you can't always see me." He shrugged and smiled wider. "Sometimes I pay a visit to Rachel's head, or Allie's, or Kayla's. Tom and Martha's, too. Sometimes in dreams, or sometimes just in a thought. A long one or maybe even just a fleeting one. My point is that I really am never all that far away."

"It's not the same, Noah," I sighed. "It's not the same and you know it."

"Maybe not, but it'll have to do," Noah said. He jerked his chin towards Fred. "Now go on."

I turned my head and looked at Fred, who was still watching me somewhat hesitantly. I smiled and held out my arm, my fingers stretching towards him. He smiled back and came towards me, taking my hand as he stopped at my side.

"Hi," he whispered, lightly kissing my forehead.

"Hi," I whispered back, closing my eyes and sighing at his touch. I wrapped my arms around him, snuggling into his side as he put his arms around me in return. I opened my eyes and turned my head to look back at Noah, who was still watching me with a smile.

"Normally I'd ask Fred to take care of you," he said with a chuckle, his eyes flickering to Fred. "But instead I'm going to ask you to take care of him. Merlin knows he needs it more than you do."

I snorted with laughter as Fred let out an insulted scoff.

"Is it rude to tell a dead guy to piss off?" Fred asked, a wry smile on his face as he raised his eyebrows.

"Very, actually," Noah answered. He shot Fred a sly smile. "I'm going to tell your mother," he taunted.

"What are you going to do, visit her in her dreams?" Fred asked.

"Well, obviously," Noah answered with a laugh.

"Both of you quit it." I let out a sigh and a quiet laugh of my own as I looked back at Noah. "I miss you."

"Chin up, Soph," he answered with a smile. "I just told you I'll never be that far away."

Fred let out a sigh and rolled his eyes. "Fucking hell, just tell the girl what she wants to hear and what we both know is true."

Noah laughed and rolled his own eyes before looking at me again. "I do miss you." He glanced back at Fred. "But I know you're in good hands."

I smiled as my eyes filled with tears again. I stared at Noah, trying to commit him to memory, afraid that after this, his image would slowly continue to fade from my mind until the small details were erased. The sound of his voice and the sound of his laugh. His dimples. The flecks of gold in his eyes.

"Sophie? Soph?"

It was Fred's voice that had spoken, but the Fred standing next to me hadn't said anything. The voice seemed to come from somewhere else far away.

I looked around and when my eyes fell on Noah again, I saw that he seemed to be fading away.

"No," I gasped, stepping forward. But Fred gently took my arm and held me back.

"It's okay, Soph," Noah said, smiling at me. "It's okay. Go on-stay with Fred."

"But-"

"I want you to be happy," Noah said. "Stop worrying about me. I know what you're thinking-you've moved on and there's a small part of you that feels like you betrayed me. Let it go. You need to let it go. Let it go, Soph. Let go of the guilt you feel about what happened to me. It wasn't your fault."

He was fading even more now as the trees, grass and sky around us also seemed to dim and fade.

I shook my head. "I don't want you to leave. You don't know how good it was to see you."

"I have to go," Noah said. "And you have to let me."

"Soph?"

It was Fred's voice again. Distant, but clear in my head at the same time. I gasped slightly and looked up at the sky before looking back at a still fading Noah.

"It's okay," he said. "You can wake up. Wake up, Soph."

I closed my eyes as tears leaked out and ran down my cheeks. "I'll let go, but that doesn't mean I'll forget."

Noah laughed. "I wouldn't expect you to."

"Sophie...open your eyes..."

My eyes quickly flew open and I gasped quietly. I was in bed at Fred's flat. I was lying on my back and Fred was beside me, propped up on his elbow and leaning over me, his free hand on my shoulder.

"Soph?" He whispered, his eyes wandering over my face. His hand went to my cheek and it was only as he started wiping tears away did I realize I'd actually been crying.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I should ask you the same thing," Fred said. He looked down at me with concern on his face. "You rolled away from me in your sleep, then rolled over again-practically on top of me, mind you. And then you started whimpering and saying no a few times." He swallowed. "I don't-I don't understand. I thought the nightmares were over."

"It wasn't a nightmare," I said quickly. "Not really." The dejected look on his face instantly made me feel awful. He was obviously concerned over me possibly having a nightmare, but if I was having them again, it would also mean that he failed in helping me. It would mean that the potion he worked tirelessly on for weeks hadn't worked after all. And if it stopped working now-after a week and a half had gone by of it doing its job, well, it would be even more of a let down.

I sighed and sat up, leaning over to turn on the lamp on the bedside table closest to me. I leaned back against the headboard and pinched the bridge of my nose as I tried to collect my thoughts.

"You sure seem upset about something that apparently wasn't a nightmare," Fred said quietly. He was lying on his side with his head propped up against his fist as he stared up at me.

"It wasn't," I insisted. I lowered my hands to my lap and stared at them in thought. "It started out so differently. I was wearing the same dress as the one I had on in the nightmare I had in New York. The white one. Only it was clean. There was no blood. And I was standing in the clearing behind the Burrow-the one you all use for Quidditch. I wasn't running. No one was chasing me. It was bright and sunny and-well, it was lovely."

"Okay, so what happened that made you upset?" Fred asked.

I shrugged one shoulder. "I saw Noah," I whispered.

Fred frowned. "Soph, that's just like-"

"No, he was alive, Fred," I told him. I glanced over to see his expression relax.

"Oh," he said. "Okay."

"He was alive," I said with a wistful smile as I stared across the room, remembering how nice it had been to see Noah alive, even if it had been in a dream. "There was no blood, no cold, empty stare...He was alive."

"That's good," Fred said slowly. "But I'm still not getting it. What upset you?"

I let out a slow puff of air through my nose and turned my head, rolling the back of it against the headboard as I looked over at Fred. "Saying goodbye," I whispered.

"Oh," Fred answered, his voice a whisper. He hesitated a moment before reaching out and putting a hand over my own, rubbing his thumb back and forth across my skin.

I swallowed and took in a deep breath. "It was what I wanted though. I wanted to have been able to say goodbye. I missed his funeral, and while visiting the cemetery helped talk things out with Rachel...well, it was harder to talk things out with Noah. Obviously. Even getting it all out in the open didn't help as much as I thought it would. Because his headstone couldn't respond." I let out a sigh and fell quiet for a moment.

"Do you want to talk about it? In detail?" Fred asked.

I thought about it for a minute before I nodded. "You were in the dream, too, you know."

"I was?" Fred asked. He smiled wryly. "Alive, I hope."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Yes, you were alive." I looked over at him and reached out to run a hand through his hair. Eventually, I lowered my hand and sighed before I began rehashing all that had happened in the dream. Everything Noah had said, how Fred himself had appeared, even the snarky comments he and Noah had made to each other. Those got Fred to let out a short laugh.

"Sounds like stuff I would say," he snorted as I laughed as well.

"It was just...hard to see him alive, only to have to say goodbye again," I sighed as my laughter faded. "It wasn't a real nightmare. It wasn't scary and it wasn't upsetting in the same way the others were. It wasn't quite as distressing. It was just emotional. But I think I needed it. I needed to hear him tell me to let go. I needed closure. Dream or not...real or not, I needed to know that everything was okay."

Fred pushed himself to a sitting position and lifted his arm to put it around my shoulders as I leaned forward to allow him to do so. And then I leaned against him, resting my head on his shoulder as he tilted his head and kissed my temple, letting his lips linger there for a moment before pressing a second kiss to my skin.

"You don't have to worry," I said quietly. "Your potion still worked. You're still a genius."

Fred scoffed. "That wasn't number one on of my list of concerns just now," he said. "My main concern was you. The fact that you may have been having another nightmare."

"Exactly," I shrugged. "If I was having a real nightmare, it would mean that the potion was suddenly not working."

"It did cross my mind briefly," Fred admitted. "That I'd failed. But mostly that I'd failed you. It didn't matter as much that something I'd invented may not have worked as much as it mattered that it was something I'd invented mainly for you. I did panic a bit. I thought-well I thought that I'd worked so hard on this and given you something to help your nightmares and that it had suddenly stopped working. It was never just about me. I hated seeing your reaction to your nightmares, but you were the one living with them."

"Do you still get any?" I asked. "About Percy? Or the battle? Both?"

Fred didn't answer right away. He stared at the wall across the room as he slowly trailed his fingers up and down my arm. "Occasionally," he said. "A lot less often than before. But every so often-usually around the anniversary of the battle and around Percy's birthday-I'll have one or two." He hesitated. "The last year or so they've been similar to the dream you had tonight. Where Percy's alive and well and we're doing something completely normal. I even had one where I introduced him to you. And then I wake up and for a few seconds, I still manage to forget reality-I still manage to hang onto the dream for a bit longer." He let out a long puff of air. "Until I realize it was a dream and Percy's still dead." He shook his head. "Personally, I feel that dreams like that-like the one you just had-to me, are sometimes just as bad as the nightmares." He turned his head to look down at me. "I could always tweak the potion, you know, so that you won't see Noah anymore. You won't have to deal with the pain of saying goodbye over and over again. The pain of waking up and realizing he's not actually alive."

I thought about it for a second. "No," I finally said. "I told you, I needed the closure."

"Yeah, but that's now. If you keep feeling sad over having to say goodbye to him when you wake up, then I guess the potion actually isn't doing its job after all. Not completely. When I invented it, I did so with the intention of completely abolishing your nightmares. You were supposed to only have good dreams."

"This was one," I insisted. "A good one. In its own strange way."

"I guess I just don't understand why you'd feel that way," Fred answered. "I just told you how those types of dreams make me feel."

"Well, that's just it," I responded. "It's how they make you feel." I shook my head again. "It doesn't feel that way to me. This dream was the first time I've seen Noah alive since-since it all happened. And yes, I had to leave him all over again. Of course it was emotional. But he was right. He's never far away-it's cliché, but it's the truth. It's not the same, but like he said in my dream, it'll have to do. I'm going to have to be okay with that. I think you should try to be okay with it as far as Percy's concerned, too. I know it's easier said than done and I don't want to tell you how to grieve. That's not very fair. But I think the sooner you can come to terms with it, the better. But if you want to tweak the potion and take it yourself, then you should. Whatever helps you."

Fred didn't respond right away. "It's not easy to just come to terms with someone's death after you simply dream that they tell you to," he finally said.

"I didn't say it was. I did say it was easier said than done. I said it wasn't the same. I'm still not okay with the fact that Noah died. But I guess what I'm saying is I'm ready to stop fighting against what's already happened and what can't be undone. I'm trying to adapt. Like I said, real or not, this dream gave me the goodbye I still felt I needed. It gave me one last opportunity to see Noah alive instead of having to be haunted by the image of his dead body for so long. This dream gave me what I wanted. What I needed."

"It doesn't seem that way," Fred said. "You were crying."

"So?" I asked with a slight laugh. "That's nowhere near how badly I reacted to my other nightmares."

Fred shrugged. "I still don't like seeing it," he muttered, still gazing at the wall across from us.

"Well, then why don't you just invent something that'll turn off my feelings completely?" I snorted and rolled my eyes as sarcasm dripped from my every word.

Fred shot me a look. "I'm trying to protect you."

I turned to look up at him, my expression softening. "I know that, and I'm grateful that you are, but you can't shield me from everything. If you don't even want me to cry, then I'm not sure what to tell you. People feel things, Fred. As brilliant as you are, you can't change that. And I wouldn't think you'd want to."

Fred let out a heavy sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose with the hand that wasn't around my shoulders. "You're right. I wouldn't." He lowered his hand from his nose and looked down at me, studying my face before leaning in and kissing me. "You're sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "Positive." I leaned up and kissed him again before snuggling against him, nestling my head into the crook of his neck as he wrapped both of his arms around me. "I love you, Freddie," I murmured.

"I love you too," he whispered back.