A/N: Angel of Death. This episode has the smallest cast and very little time with Sarah relatively speaking. The last one without Shaw. Ugh. Just a few wtf: If Carina heard the vault speech, she knows what happened in Prague. Casey hears both conversations between Sarah and Ellie and Devon and Chuck. And why the staggering flash? We don't see any sign of the 2.0 overwhelming Chuck before Tooth...except this. Probably not meant to be related, but no reason to say that it wasn't, so I did. Was Chuck disappointed with "just friends"? Sounds like it. Three down, ten to go.

This is the beginning of my slow, stumbling decline…that accelerated into a freefall in a pretty short period of time. Without my anger to embolden me, sadness was the shadow that followed me everywhere. A sadness I had never known before–because I had never lost anything that meant as much to me as Chuck did. Of course, I did my best to hide it. If nothing else, the CIA trained me how to hide my feelings.

I think somewhere deep inside, Chuck knew how I really felt. But then again, he always did, able to see through my facades and masks like no one else. The only thing he never seemed to pick up on was the fact that I was truly, deeply in love with him. Carina had to tell him.

For a guy as smart as Chuck, that seems hard to believe, but it is true. Months after this, he still had to ask me if I loved him. His ability to see through my shield was distorted by his own insecurities–left over from Jill and Stanford and Bryce. Those wounds ran deeper in him than anyone knew, more than he spoke about or let anyone else, even his sister, see. Whenever I had to correct a mistake I had made, letting him see too much that I could do nothing about because of our situation, I sowed more seeds of doubt. I made Chuck question how much of what he saw was real, how much was me playing a role.

The footage Carina left for me was the catalyst. Listening to Chuck say what he said reached me in a way he hadn't been able to before. It didn't make it easier, or make me feel better, but I could at least understand. Before, I didn't understand how or why Chuck did what he did. After hearing that, I knew that he thought he was doing the right thing, even if it meant he had to sacrifice his own happiness. The fact that it took my own happiness with it–Chuck didn't know, not really, until Carina explained it to him.

A little bit about Carina here, though. She edited that footage before she gave it to me. I only learned that while I was doing paperwork after that mission. To be fair, about 50 percent of my job was filing reports, documenting our missions for the government or posterity, or anyone else who wanted to know what American taxpayers had paid for. So this too fell to me to document. I had to account for how Carina's cover was blown. That was standard procedure, both as a way to prevent future instances of the same thing, and to protect any potential breaches not openly apparent with the current mission.

Carina's cover was blown by Chuck, rambling about her being a spy, in Karl's security footage.

I was fresh from hearing that recording when I was writing this report, and I knew I didn't hear that part of it. I went back and found the original. Watching it a second time still made me cry. The original rambled an awful lot more than the concise version I got from Carina. The message was the same. I asked Carina at my engagement party why she edited it, and she denied doing so. If I had to guess, I think she edited out the parts that made Chuck look ridiculous and inexperienced. Why? Because she heard from Chuck the truth–that I had tried to run with him, and he refused me. She knew what had happened, why I was so upset. Putting all his ineptitude on display was adding salt to that wound, when the rest of what he said was meant to start me healing.

With all of that knowledge now at my disposal, that conversation Chuck and I had in the courtyard in the early morning after that mission started to affect me. After I had seen all the footage, I had a very intense dream about that conversation.

I'm listening if there's something that you want to say.

I'm sure there's somewhere else that you'd rather be.

No, I'm good here. For now.

You're right. I'm not a real spy. I'm…I'm emotional and that makes me a liability.

Not always. You might not have flashed, but you did your job. You got to Karl and you talked him down and if it weren't for your emotions, he would've killed Carina.

It's quite a mess we made.

Yeah. I'm really hoping we can clean it up, though.

Maybe. But you're on your own with the courtyard.

He could have told me everything that he said in the vault, but maybe he thought I already heard that and wasn't impressed. Instead, he seemed to reinforce my reasons for being so angry at him that I attacked him with the Bo. But I was telling the truth. He may have fumbled, but in the end, he figured out a way for us to succeed. One mission at a time, he was learning how to feel his way, wading into the water that I was swimming in, over my head.

This conversation was the start of us trying to make peace with each other, despite the fact that we were still drifting apart at this time. A truly heartbreaking time.

Why all the misery, when we both felt the way we did? Anyone who has ever had their heart broken can attest to the reasons. He hurt me, intentionally or not, and as much as we would both wish we could just go back and be the way we were before, we couldn't. He saw the pain he had caused me and shied away, believing he was only hurting me more if he tried to be closer. I don't think he was wrong to do that. We had to learn how to be again, maybe starting on the way to being friends.

Although I will be the first to say–it is impossible to be truly just friends with someone you are desperately in love with. You can pretend–I know; I did it for years. But it's a lie, to say we were friends. We weren't; we were two people in love and denying those feelings as hard as we could.

The next mission Beckman sent us on after the last one was brief. We got word that a weapons deal was supposed to happen at a cocktail party. Chuck and I went as guests and Casey was in the van on surveillance. It was nice…and not at the same time. It felt too much like it used to feel, the three of us together again. It felt…comfortable. Only at random times as we worked, the real situation we were in would just hit me like a ton of bricks, reminding me of all the things I used to feel on missions that I just couldn't anymore. I couldn't pretend anything was real. It wasn't–and it never could be.

I think Chuck sensed…something…because he was distant, formal, probably trying to keep from getting too close for all the reasons that I already explained. It just hurt too much.

The mission itself went smoothly. The seller and the buyer were apprehended by the CIA. The only snag was a bomb that the seller activated as he was trying to flee the scene before Casey caught him. Chuck flashed at the right time and was able to diffuse the bomb without incident. I was happily surprised, since the Intersect never seemed to work that easily and maybe he was gaining more control. I wasn't right, though. He did flash, but only because he knew I was in danger. It seemed more and more, that was how the Intersect worked best–when he was trying to protect me. Not a good turn of events for anyone.

Later that night after that mission was over, Chuck flashed while watching a news report about the leader of Costa Gravas. The flash contained over thirty years worth of intelligence and for the first time, Chuck was debilitated by a flash, staggering and disoriented in front of Devon. This was actually the very first sign of the problems with the 2.0 that Chuck would face later on. He never mentioned this to anyone, and I didn't learn of this information until after he started wearing the governor that Chuck's father made for him.

Casey and I, separate from Chuck's flash, received a call from Beckman telling us to report to Castle right away. I texted Chuck to let him know.

The General informed us that someone had attempted to kill Premier Goya, the leader of Costa Gravas. She was ordering us to go to the hospital and guard against further attempts on his life. Casey was not happy, and brought up the fact that he'd had three separate orders to assassinate the same man. Beckman accentuated his failure to do so; I ribbed Casey about his record. He did it to me so often, it was nice to be able to get one in here and there.

The mission was simple. Beckman wanted Chuck to find out medical information from his sister and brother-in-law, since the Premier was being treated at the hospital where they worked. We watched a news conference where Devon was actually speaking to the press. Casey was ready to abduct Devon to get the information, but Chuck volunteered to get the information more peacefully by just asking.

Chuck found out that the Premier most likely had been poisoned.

The next morning, Beckman ordered us to attend an event at the Costa Gravan Consulate that evening, with the hopes of protecting him from another assassination attempt. The CIA was not officially sanctioning the mission, which meant we were on our own. We took the call in Casey's apartment.

Casey was convinced that he had to recuse himself, considering he was known as The Angel of Death in Costa Gravas, apparently from his past attempts on Goya's life. Chuck was in the process of mocking Casey when Goya showed up in the courtyard at Echo Park with a full military escort. Although, they were there for Devon, and not Casey.

Goya wanted to thank Devon for saving his life, so he invited Devon and Ellie to that same event where Chuck and I were supposed to infiltrate. Chuck ran outside after he couldn't reach Ellie on the phone, to ensure everything was fine, and secured us a legitimate invitation to the party at the same time. It made it even easier.

So I went back to my room and got ready for the party. I know Chuck told Ellie he was taking me, considering we were friends and he didn't have time to find a date at short notice. All the time I was getting ready, I was worrying, not sure how I was supposed to act in front of Ellie. I hadn't really talked to her or seen her since Chuck and I had broken up, as she thought we had. I was thinking about all the times I had gotten dressed like this, thinking about Chuck and how he would look at me, how that would make me feel. Instead, I was dreading this, and Ellie being there was only going to make it worse.

Chuck was worried because his sister and Devon were in danger if the Premier was a potential assassination target. I told Chuck that night that I had done a year of Secret Service detail, so he didn't need to worry. I wouldn't usually offer information about my past like that, but it just slipped out. Fortunately, he didn't ask me to elaborate. It was, after all, part of Graham's plan to hide my young age after I had graduated from the Farm, something Chuck still knew nothing about.

Once we were alone, I reminded Chuck that the Intersect did not work at peak efficiency when he was nervous. He was concerned for Ellie, so I told him he needed to focus. Casey asked me to check the service entrance for guards and cameras. I left Chuck, told him we would rendezvous in five minutes. When I was making my way back, I saw Goya monopolizing Ellie. Knowing we needed to keep her away from the prime target, I swooped in and told her I needed to talk to her, so I could get her away from him.

He was so handsy it was ridiculous. I mean, Ellie was here with her husband and he was kissing and holding her hand. He was charming in a semi-lecherous way and his cologne was so strong I could taste it. He grabbed the both of us at the same time before I was able to extract us and move to the table.

Ellie made a joke about me rescuing her from Goya.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?" she asked.

I almost forgot that was the excuse I had given her. I was trying to think of something to say when I turned, catching Chuck talking to Devon out of the corner of my eye. She noticed.

"Ugh. I'm sorry, of course. Of course, this must be really hard for you guys."

Oh no…I couldn't let her get me emotional on a mission.

"Yeah. It is." When in doubt, it never fails to just be honest.

"I mean, one minute you're broken up and then the next minute you're on this incredibly sexy date."

I looked away from Ellie, feeling a burning in my chest that I tried to minimize. I was looking at Chuck across the room, talking to Devon…but he was looking at me. I don't know what he was talking to Devon about, but the way he looked…with such…longing…it caused physical pain, an aching in my throat.

I have no idea what my face was doing, but Ellie noticed. "Sarah, do you still have feelings for my brother?"

Yes…

"No. No. We're…Chuck and I are just friends." I was way too quick to deny her, and being the half a spy that Chuck always said she was, she picked up on it.

"Sarah, please, look at yourself right now. I mean, look at the dress. Look me in the eye and tell me that you guys are just friends."

"I…don't think that you understand our situation." I couldn't answer any other way, not and have her know that I was lying. I was struggling to not cry when she started to try and offer me advice, about hot and cold patches in a relationship. It's so strange now, because in fact the only real cold patches we ever had were here, while we were pretending. We're lucky, because I know what Ellie meant.

Casey interrupted us from the van. I didn't know it at the time, but he had been listening to both of our conversations. Listening to me deny my feelings for Chuck…and (I would learn this much later) finding out from Chuck that even when Casey thought Chuck and I had been intimate when we shouldn't have, that we never did, not even the night of Ellie's rehearsal dinner.

Goya gave a speech, so Chuck and I moved closer to the dance floor just in case. Then he did the unthinkable and pulled Ellie out into the spotlight to dance with him. Chuck freaked out. Salsa dancing with an extremely handsy old man. While they were dancing, Casey sent us a photo of the suspected assassin. We saw the man in question. Chuck really freaked out.

I had to tell him we needed to get across the dance floor to take the man out. We couldn't do anything to approach Goya or we would be arrested, since we were technically on Costa Gravan soil.

Chuck flashed…on…dancing. I was in shock for a few moments. Really, that was in the Intersect? But, it was helpful, like now. He knew how to salsa dance instantly. It was amazing, because Chuck was always such a self-conscious dancer. He was flawless, amazing, really. Better than Bryce on his best day.

All I can say it was good that we were distracted by trying to take out a would-be assassin, because that kind of dancing is…well, close. Sexy. It was only dancing, but when he pulled me against his body hard, or touched me on my collarbone, I was acutely aware of him and his closeness.

When the man was right behind Chuck, I told him to take the guy out, which he did, spectacularly, with an elbow to the face.

Only Casey's intel was bad. All this guy had on him was a rotten egg. He was protesting, not trying to kill anyone. And Chuck's stunt got us both ejected from the gala. Chuck flashed on the real assassin as we were being tossed out the back door.

While we were out of the building, Casey made his way inside. Devon, rather stupidly, tackled Casey instead of the real assassin. Casey was arrested and taken prisoner by the Costa Gravans.

After Casey was taken, Chuck and I went back to Castle to alert the General. She told us to stand down and basically wait. She was insisting on using proper diplomatic channels. Chuck and I were both worried that there would be nothing left of Casey by the time she got those channels to respond. Chuck left to go home, defeated.

I wasn't about to just let Casey be tortured, not if I could help it. I decided to stay and gather some weapons in an attempt to rescue Casey. I was still packing when I heard Chuck…and Devon!

Devon knew Chuck was a spy, but taking him into Castle was reckless and stupid.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I barked at him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he shot back at me.

"Bringing a civilian in here? Do you have any idea how far off the reservation you've gone?"

"Oh, yeah, and what do you call invading foreign soil against orders?"

He was unpacking my guns as soon as I packed them.

"I have no choice."

"Well, we're coming with you."

"No. Trust me. You don't want any part of this and neither do you." Chuck's career would be over before it began. "What happened? I thought you didn't want your family messed up with the CIA?" I was harsh, but rightfully so.

"Ok, look, before you say anything else, and before you go running off and getting yourself shot, Devon thinks he can get us into the Consulate. The premier has invited him to be his own personal physician."

It was a way in, a really good plan. It was still crazy of Chuck, but the three of us together had a chance. I wasn't going to waste it.

Chuck and I went in with Devon, posing as part of his medical team. Devon went right to work. He asked for insulin. I had to take mouthed instructions from him to make sure I did the right thing. I was working with the tray. I dropped it intentionally as a distraction and then took out both guards. Chuck and I left to go find Casey.

We reached the room where they were keeping him just as he had apparently subdued his captor, would-be assassin. Just in time to see Casey shot.

Chuck grabbed him and helped him ambulate as we ran back to get Devon. Being the good doctor that he was, and just a decent human being overall, he wouldn't leave with us, because the premier was his patient and he needed help or he was going to die. Devon upheld his oath as a physician. Only it got us all captured again by Goya's men.

Casey passed out from his gunshot wound. Because Chuck was posing as a doctor, Goya's men expected Chuck to help Casey. Fortunately, medical information was also in the 2.0. Chuck flashed and was able to extract the bullet from Casey's leg. I was amazed. Chuck smiled at me the way he used to. I melted inside.

Then we had to forcibly take a unit of blood from Casey to save the Premier's life. Casey was doped up when he finally woke up in Castle, upset that we stole his blood, but happy that the Premier had given him some cigars.

Beckman was pleased with the outcome, if not our methods.

I was on my way out when I saw Chuck with Devon in the Orange Orange. He excused himself and left Chuck and I alone. It was awkward and uncomfortable. I hated feeling that way around him, because he had always made me feel so…relaxed and comfortable, like no one else ever had.

"Uh, listen, I've been, um…I've been meaning to ask. What do you think our cover should be, you know, moving forward?"

It felt like needles, piercing my heart a little bit at a time. To both want and not want something so badly at the same time. I would have given anything to be able to pretend to be his girlfriend again, but at the same time, I didn't think I could handle it, not the way things were now.

"Well, I think we should keep it simple. So, how about friends?"

"Friends, huh?" I don't know if it was real or imagined disappointment I heard in his voice. "Yeah, that could work. I suppose I could fake being friends with someone like you." I didn't know how many layers of meaning that was supposed to portray; I just tried to ignore it.

"And I don't find you completely repulsive, so…"

"Thanks."

We were smiling, genuinely, and it felt nice. Better.

"So, yeah, friends?"

"Yeah, yeah, friends."

He grabbed my hand to shake it, but it was the same as the other two times we'd done this. He held my hand more than he shook it, and the contact sent little sparks of electricity across my skin. I never wanted to let go.

We had some silly banter about what friends do, his plans with Morgan. I could hardly catch my breath, and I tried to calmly decline. I couldn't do that, hang out with him the way I used to. Even if we were pretending to be friends.

I left the Orange Orange and went back to my room. Where I got a phone call from Casey, telling me that the man who had almost killed him at the Consulate, the one who had disappeared, showed up on the security footage at Westside Medical Center. He had taken Devon. Why, no one knew.

I told Casey I would tell Chuck. I went to Echo Park to tell him in person.

He smiled when he saw me at the door. He could tell from my face right away that something was horribly wrong. I leaned close and whispered in his ear, telling him that Devon had been taken.

I hugged him without even thinking about it. I could feel him shaking, hear his breath hitching inside his chest. I wished there was more I could do, some way I could help. But I couldn't. I just held on.

The way any friend would do.