Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto or Adventure Time.
XI: Hassle Time I
He stared out the window from his bed and watched the cheery inhabitants go about their day, willy-nilly. Tired eyes warped the radiant kingdom into a silent film; monochrome, inaudible and boring.
Princess shifted to block the window yet his gaze went right through, as if she were transparent. Her lips moved, soundless, and after she was finished, he waited for subtitles.
'Blood level still low...'
'Avoid strenuous work...'
'The wound is...'
'Avoid bleeding in general...'
'Rest a lot...'
'And maybe stop with the smo...'
Yada, Yada.
"I hear ya," he replied just so she didn't diagnose his silence.
She rambled about his condition and told him stuff he knew already so he tuned her out with idle responses; absent nods and hums, the usual. Heard her but didn't listen. In no mood to. She was just trying to spark chit-chat anyway. Either she was being talkative and thought silence was awkward or she was being a doctor and assumed the silence meant something was off.
He never understood that. There was nothing awkward or off about shutting up.
Along the line, his idle responses—nods and hums—faded and turned her dialogue into a monologue.
"Anyway, this is my last visit."
Fifth time but, "yeah, I get it."
"You're officially discharged." She smiled. "Feels great, doesn't it?"
Not at all.
The breeze on his back was a facade of liberation. The wound was half gone but the damage had been done. He couldn't magic back the blood he lost and it left him with the fragility of glass.
Her profession dictated she remained optimistic regardless of circumstances but he knew, that if he ever had another major injury or the wound opened up again, that was it, he'd check out, permanently.
All 'cause of a teleport gone wrong. All 'cause that toy body contained half the usual amount of blood. All 'cause a guardian of the candy kingdom was made with acrylic and not marshmallows.
He inwardly sighed. Whatever happened, happened. No use retrospecting, just more to consider moving forward.
"Yeah." He stared at nothing, a ghost of a smile on his lips. "It does."
"You don't sound like it."
"I never sound like it."
The doctor chuckled.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome." It was her brightest smile which was then replaced by mischief. "Also, about that night with the Ice King... Not that..."
She went on and he gradually tuned her out.
Sigh.
Odd enough, the castle inhabitants treated him better after that incident. Expected, but still odd. He had some sorta rapport with the pinata and the guards formally greeted him whenever they spotted him which he promptly rebuked. Nah, none of that 'sir' or 'master' stuff. Not like he had or wanted the authority that came with a bothersome title like that. A wave, a nod or a 'hey' or a 'sup, man' was enough 'cause at the end of the day, 'guest' was a mild expression. He was a stranger and that placed him at the bottom of the food chain, not even above the guards. Everything he enjoyed was a privilege and not necessarily a right.
The only one who Shikamaru allowed to keep the title was Peppermint Butler and that was because he refused to call him anything but 'Master Shikamaru', despite correcting him numerous times and waving off the title. It was as if the butler physically couldn't call him by name alone. So it was kind of an infinite loop thing they had going on 'cause the butler refused to call him without the title and Shikamaru refused to acknowledge it. Happened every single time and sadly it would always happen.
The Butler, by the way, was more or less the same. Unwavered by the incident. Peppermint was a lot more cautious of him after that even. He thought Shikamaru had ulterior motives and, yeah, he was correct just not as grandiose as the little guy imagined. The little guy thought the Ice King was a paid actor and they had planned it from the very start. His proof? Because he arrived right on time. Not a second earlier or later.
Which... was a pretty good point, he wouldn't lie.
Shikamaru let him keep the notion because disproving it meant he'd have to explain the entire process, step by—it meant he'd have to explain, which, no, just... Nah. The Ice King was a paid hire, yeah, let's go with that, he thought.
Nevertheless, Peppermint's suspicion kept a comfortable balance. Being disliked by everyone sucked but being liked by everyone sucked as well. So, he welcomed the butler's outlook wholeheartedly. They barely spoke, never got in the other's way and never bothered or was bothered by. He'd come in with breakfast, lunch, or dinner, they'd run their loop and after that, Shikamaru would thank him and he'd shrug it off.
It was alright. He was alright.
Wished he could say the same for others.
"...so, what happened?"
Had tuned in right on time to shrug her off. He wasn't narrating all of that.
"You don't know?"
Nod.
"How come?"
"I was asleep."
She stared at him. "Excuse me?"
"I was asleep."
"The Ice King almost abducted the princess..." Princess pinched the bridge of her nose. "And you were asleep?"
He affirmed and suddenly heard the air conditioner's hum. Huh, never knew it could get that quiet with Princess around but it was the kinda silence that preceded noise and, as expected, she exploded.
Thirty. She had nagged him for thirty minutes straight.
In hindsight, he could've narrated the whole situation under thirty minutes, with twenty-nine to spare.
Shikamaru lost time watching clouds drift, had stared out that window so much he knew the pinpoint location of everywhere and everything. Shops, hospitals, cathedrals and all cameras.
The adults went about their business, the guardians blew bubbles, the guards played card wars and the children frolicked about, partaking in all sorts of games. One of them fell off a tree and their guardian didn't even bat an eye, just chattered with her friend as the kid just got up and carried on like nothing happened.
Wacky as that was, he thought, in a way, it encapsulated his situation almost perfectly. He shifted dimensions and no one came looking for him because, for all they knew, he was on vacation with Naruto. So, the only thing he could do was carry on without complaint.
He got up and pouched his storage scroll halfway down and held it in place with the zip before strapping the pouch around his waist. Maybe a break would help draft his way forward, plus, he had some bothersomes to check. He contemplated scrolling the candy book as well but decided against it.
Good read, though. Lots of whimsical facts like how candy people explode when frightened.
One abrupt noise and that's a makeshift bomb to hurl at targets. Crazy how that worked. Bah! And it's T minus five seconds.
Man...
Bubblegum would hate that joke.
Bad as it sounded, if that was true then it spoke volumes about the Kingdom and their leader because since he crashed here, he had never seen or heard a candy person self-combust. So, either it was a lie or the Kingdom was so safe that fear was nonexistent or, a wildcard, they could not feel or comprehend fear. The last was because they always looked happy but Shikamaru figured it was the first because Bubblegum disproved the rest. Unless she was an outlier but if it applied to every candy person, it should apply to her as well, right?
Quarter past fifteen, Shikamaru climbed down the steps. He thought to inform the leader but knew she wouldn't take whatever he said lightly, especially if it was about cigarettes. Didn't need her reminding him who made the rules. So he'd rather not. Rather not disturb the leader with trivialities. Rather not disturb the leader at all. The gates were five minutes away and walking over there was less of a drag, sorry to say.
He took a step onto the second floor just as the lab door swung open and the hassle goddess stepped out.
Great... Lucky him.
White khaki shorts under a loose tee shirt tied to her right hip to make it fit. It was also patterned with horizontal stripes of varying colours, red, yellow, and all that, y'know, typical work clothes.
In her arms were stacks of documents, all rumpled into five worn-out A4 envelopes and with how carelessly organized they were, he guessed petitions.
Bubblegum tilted her head in false bemusement. "Ah, where to?"
"Fresh air."
She glanced at the scroll half-latched within his pouch and back at him. It killed her smile every time.
Shikamaru shifted the pouch behind him.
"Uh-huh... Right." She rolled her eyes. "Since you have nothing better to do, help me with this."
Man, what a bother. Couldn't even get a word through before she dumped the thing on him and it immediately weighed on his arms. How anyone in Ooo held anything up with arms like that was a mystery.
She keyed the lab and beckoned him towards the steps. She was calm about the scroll, thank goodness. Guess she didn't care provided it was away from the Kingdom. Great, he could drop the documents at her office and leave.
However, he couldn't stay quiet as that would present an opportunity for a lecture he did not want.
"Petitions, huh."
"Yeah." She pulled and slipped her tiara through a belt loop to hold it in place. "What about?"
"What for?"
"You don't know what petitions are, Mr. Advisor?" She tied her hair up into a knot.
"I do. I'm asking what you're using them for." He hummed. "You have a chimney or something?"
She gave him a black look, all from the corner of her eye.
"Part-time advisor, full-time jester." She clapped, slow and mocking. Seemed she wasn't very fond of the joke.
"You read them?"
"Of course, I read them, Pineapple." They started down the steps, toward the bottom floor. "There something you'd like to add?"
"I'll leave that privilege for actual citizens."
"Say you had that privilege" - she looked at him, certain - "what would you request?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing." Her doubt was blatant.
"Well..." He hummed. "Maybe a mandatory weekend break. So you don't stress too much working around the clock."
It scrambled her automated reply system for a second or two and in that moment of readjustment, she tutted and veered her gaze to the office door.
"I thought you'd ask to repeal the no-smoking law."
"Prevention is often better than a cure."
"Sometimes a cure is unavoidable" - two clicks and she opened the door - "especially if you keep making jokes like that."
He chuckled. Yeah, the gum person was pretty smart. If someone called her a genius, she could smile and accept it
Just before they entered, the two banana guards patrolling the base floor spotted them. They both bowed before the princess and she dismissed them with a wave.
"What's up, man?" One enthusiastically greeted him.
Bubblegum blinked and shot them a glare—
He moved in front of her and spared them the hassle.
"'Can't complain." Though a handshake was out of the question, he worked a fist bump as they moved past.
Since she couldn't get her face through to the guards, he received the skull-piercing glare on their behalf.
Sigh... What was her problem?
They stepped into her office and, yeah, he was certainly far from home. The floors were glossy peppermint, white and red. Ah... Toffee made every piece of furniture and pastel marshmallows for cushioning.
Chouji was his best friend and Shikamaru appreciated him a lot more ever since he crashed here. He'd be thoroughly lost if he never listened to him ramble on about snacks and sweets. Identified all the sweets by name thanks to him, even the foreign ones.
For specific colours, even if she was a drag about it, he learned from Ino. Well, more like she aggressively corrected him for calling blue, blue and purple, purple. That's how he knew crap like... like... pastel or lavender.
Damn, even Ino crossed his mind. Had to hand it to this place, man, making stuff like that possible.
In any case, everything was edible as normal, even the stationery. So if she felt like it, she could actually eat the petitions.
Equal parts whimsical and off-putting.
She clapped in his face.
He faked a flinch.
"You need to stop that."
"Ah… Sorry."
She sighed and unhooked her tiara, shifting it through her hair. Bubblegum treated that thing as if it were a part of her, always with it like she'd be unrecognisable without it.
But he carried a lighter everywhere too so who was he to speak?
He made his way to her desk and dropped the documents there with a sigh. If that was everything... He pocketed his hands and left no room for conversation as he turned to leave, shuffling right past Bubblegum.
His hands met the door knob when...
"We need to talk."
Yeesh.
It was bound to happen sooner or later and since it was unavoidable, he just needed a bit to get his story straight.
Without a glance, Shikamaru twisted the knob.
"Did you hear me?"
"Yeah."
"You understand, correct?"
"Yeah."
"When you return?"
"Yeah..."
Click. Shut.
Must be one hell of a talk if she let him smoke first, huh?
He had his scroll and his pouch. Did he need to come back?
The office door swung open, the force billowed his clothes. As if she read his mind or, more like, she realised he had everything he needed to leave on him.
They stared at each other, one in suspicion and the other in silent contemplation.
"You better not."
He rubbed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.
Her glare was palpable. "You promised."
Really.
A promise was the anchor that kept him at bay? No blackmail, no threats, just a promise? That kinda childlike naiveté was baffling.
He sighed.
That kinda childlike naiveté always worked on him.
"Well played."
'Cause Bubblegum was neither a child nor naive so Shikamaru knew she did it on purpose.
One - zero.
She raised a fist over her lips to hide the wicked smile across them.
He shook his head.
Bubblegum held her hip, just under the knot and swapped the wicked in her smile for something brighter... more genuine. Admittedly, it blindsided him, even if his expression remained unchanged.
"You're surprisingly kindhearted."
Brushed aside. He had no use for sentiments like...
He furrowed his brows. "Surprisingly?"
"You always have an annoyed look on your face, you know that, right?"
That was just untrue. "Not always."
"When do you not have it?"
"When people aren't being a dra..."
Bubblegum let her features flatten, eyes half-lidded as she visibly restrained from rolling them. They looked at each other, his annoyed expression slowly softened up and, soon, he shifted his gaze and sighed because he'd inadvertently proven her correct.
"See?" Her tone; neutral, tired and thoroughly done. "Surprisingly."
"Fair point."
"Forgot you loathed compliments as well."
"Unfair point."
Bubblegum giggled. "Don't stay out too late, please?"
He pulled a lazy thumbs-up out of his pocket before leaving the castle for the first time.
Bright. He squinted to block the sun's glare and continued after adjusting to the light. The breeze wafted the scent of sugar and dough, like a bakery always open or an enchanting candy shop; sweet, warm, welcoming. Trees of lollipops and Peppermint danced with the breeze.
A fountain of transparent liquid—not water—streamed from a statue in the centre of the kingdom. The roads were paved with chocolate and embedded with biscuits. He crossed a bridge of icing, sprinkled with granola above a river of flowing yoghurt.
The place was a childlike whimsy and he kinda understood why smoking was banned, even if a little. The place had an everpresent yet fragile innocence to it.
The candy people minded their business for the most part, none thought him odd or stared but, to be fair, he ignored them so he wouldn't know. They actively didn't bother him, though, avoided him even. Probably 'cause he kept to himself and refused eye contact, intentional or accidental. The problem was never how they looked, just how out-of-place he felt because of it. Like a child's drawing painted with an essay instead of colour.
He lazily kicked a bottle cap. Eh, not the end of the world. Not worth losing sleep or anything. The place was off but not the worst, he just preferred home. Anyone would. Nowhere near perfect but everyone worked hard to create it, he and the hassle who sent him here included. Would suck if after all the effort he couldn't even relax in the home they struggled to make for years.
Hands pocketed, he watched the bottle cap roll across the field and realised he had strayed quite a ways from the kingdom but hadn't met the right spot yet.
Bothersome, absolutely - shadows over the bottlecap - bothersome.
Two of them probably met some trouble of recent because they were on edge; some kid in blue and a bipedal yellow dog. The kid reached for his sword but Shikamaru just kicked the bottle cap past them and shuffled after it.
"Huh..." He heard.
"Let's just leave him alone, man."
Funny enough, a talking dog was the most ordinary thing he'd come across so far.
Kick. Roll.
They were headed in the kingdom's direction so they probably knew the place or someone. And with how jumpy they looked - kick - he thought it best not to wander too far.
The grasslands led into a round clearing amidst green that swayed with the wind. He sat under an oak, it stood unflinching against the evening air. Nature was the only scent the wind carried, no candy, no dough, no sweets just the smell of flowers, wood and — he lit a cigarette between his lips — smoke.
He leaned against the tree, embers drifted down the bud as dull eyes watched the sunset in comfortable relief. A sigh left him along with the smoke that billowed out his lips. The small hand that let the cigarette slip between two of four fingers served a constant reminder. A reminder he almost forgot because of the tranquillity the place came with.
Such perfect atmosphere.
Shikamaru took another drag of his cigarette, arms curved unnaturally for such a simple motion. He held the cigarette between his lips and observed his hands. The dimension warped him enough to fit in. How he looked and spoke but he still retained some properties of his dimension. Well, only one property; chakra
Odd to think the dimension changed everything down to the way he wrote and spoke but left his chakra intact...
Hum...
He weaved hand signs and poofed a clone, an academy clone not whatever Naruto's was. A tug on his chakra as usual so everything was pretty much the same.
Shikamaru went into the lotus position, hands on his knees, and shut his eyes. He was no sensory ninja and while he couldn't sense the chakra of others, sensing/feeling his chakra was academy level.
Five minutes passed and everything was normal. He felt every pathway still intact but the energy running through those channels was not chakra. The difference was subtle, nigh nonexistent. It felt like chakra, worked like chakra but wasn't chakra.
He opened his eyes and weaved rat. His shadow split into tendrils and latched onto a branch, snapping it in two.
He cancelled the tech and dispelled the clone. That little test confirmed that he could still use hand seals to channel whatever energy was within him. Maybe the dimension swapped his chakra out for... magic? It wasn't farfetched after all.
If that was the case... The Ice King conjured ice, snow and frost with the mere wave of his hands. So, if he had the same magical energy flowing through him as the old man. Then...
Shikamaru stood and pocketed his hands to keep them apart. After creating space between himself and the tree, he turned to it and concentrated. Focused for a minute just for his shadow to darken, thicken and bug out.
He stopped and his shadows reverted to ordinary. Yeah, he was done. Best not to mess with things he did not understand. He remembered how distressed the old man sounded after he mistook his shadow technique for shadow magic.
He'd pass.
The handseals still worked, he was used to that and, most especially, he knew the limitations and drawbacks. If it worked it worked.
If the dimension had truly swapped his shadow technique for shadow magic, then he'd probably need to see that old man soon and ask him one or two, maybe three.
Shikamaru brought his hands up to the cigarette and for a second, he saw right through them. Blinked and it was gone.
Yeesh.
He pulled the cigarette from his lips and flicked it away. Certainly, that old man could answer some, if not most of his questions.
He'd drop by the hospital.
He lit another stick between his lips and fell backwards, flat on the field, his head towards the clouds as he flicked the cap of his lighter on and off.
Later. He'd drop by the hospital later.