WELCOME EVERYONE TO THE NINTH ENTRY OF THE KICK-ASS FICTION KNOWN TO MAN AS, THE BATTLE CATS: X! HOPE YOU ENJOY IT!
It was a nice Winter's day in Singapore. Bob and The Cats have just made their way into the country, and are chilling out in the morning sunshine. Bob is doing one hand push-ups on the backyard grass. Cat is drinking some coffee. Tank Cat is reading a book. Axe Cat is slicing pieces of wood with his axe. And Gross Cat is doing pull-ups on a tree branch.
Bob: Hey Gross Cat? You should invest in some gym equipment. I actually was quite the gym maniac back in Portugal, I had decent self training sessions. And let me tell you, it paid off. he grins as he shows off by doing one finger push-ups, to Gross Cat's annoyance
Gross Cat: Ah yes, keep wasting money on equipment which you could easily improvise with by using nature. Call me father nature if you like. he continues to pull himself up on the tree effortlessly Let's invest in taller tree seeds though.
Axe Cat: On the topic of exercising. Do you know who I believe is the best for running? And can effortlessly beat all of us in a race? Cow Cat! He's the one.
Cat: Oh yeah. Hey do you believe he's in Singapore at the moment. Because it says here that we will be meeting up with another Battle Act member. This just might be true.
Tank Cat: Cow Cat is such a funny guy! Who doesn't love him? Am I right? he smirks as he continues reading
Bob: I do have a feeling we might be meeting up with this Cow Cat guy...he sounds kind of badass to be honest. Heh. he flicks his toothpick as he continues to do push-ups Who's coming with me to the Singaporean base in order to obtain this Merlion, eh? he stands himself up with a leap
Everyone else gets up and finishes whatever they were doing. They all come together in a huddle to discuss what they need to do once they make their way to the enemies. They all seem pretty hyped to meet up with another Special Forces member as well.
Cat: quickly finishes his coffee Ahh. Right, let's head our way onto the Battlefield, we do not want to cause any delays whatsoever. On three, one, two, three, CHARGE! he leads everyone else outside
Tank Cat: Let's kick some non-feline ass! And non-homo sapien ass of course. he giggles as he makes his way outside
All five of them make their way outside to try and obtain the Inferior, Normal, and Superior Merlion treasure. But first, they take a moment to look at the base in Singapore. It is a stereotypical Singaporean base based off of a Merlion statue. The Merlion is the national symbol of Singapore and is held deep within the hearts of the people.
Bob: Where the fuck are the enemies? They're not here, and don't seem to be coming out any time soon...Onde eles estão? (Where are they?)
Axe Cat: he grumbles as he steps out Nothing to worry about. All we need is The Special Forces to come by and help us out. And we should be fine.
Cat: Says the one who despises one of their members. Hah! he nudges Axe Cat playfully
Axe Cat: Oh shut it. I have patience, you can trust me on that. he smirks as he equips his axe
Gross Cat: Oh for fuck sake, you two can stop bitching around like a bunch of fannies. Here comes trouble...he sighs as the iconic enemies all come out and present themselves
Those Guys simultaneously: Hey there losers! they all giggle to themselves Where's the two other cats at?
Tank Cat: They're not here yet. I'm sorry to break the news to you all. he sighs in worry as the two have not shown up yet
Doge: Wait, how the hell do you three know about this? he stares at Those Guys in disbelief WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US?
That Guy B: Because you helped out Basic Cat when you should have finished him off! And Snache bit me in the face...he slaps Snache in the face
Snache: Ow! That doesn't explain why the other two didn't explain it to me. How come?
That Guy A: We're his best friends! We met online because of our rich parents. And we became close gamer buddies ever since! he huffs as he crosses his arms
That Guy C: Yeah...what he said! he couldn't think of anything to say
Snache: Oh okay now I get it...he starts to ponder to himself
Doge: Wait I had the option to finish Cat off? he stares in disbelief Oh shit I should of- gets interrupted by Cat
Cat: Hey Doge...he rushes up to him I got you a present for comforting me once I was battered up. I honestly believe you wouldn't do that. That was real honor there, heh, here you go I guess. You're way less of an ass than before. And I appreciate that. he smiles as he holds up a gift
Doge: Oh, I, uhh...thanks Cat. he resistantly takes the gift, before turning to Those Guys Forget what I just said earlier! he grins as he finds a good spot to place it, knowing his future injuries would ruin it I'm flattered Cat. Genuinely.
The two shake paws before making their way back to their respective armies, both in a really good mood now. Sadly, they have to fight eachother now! Bob is grinning as he cracks his knuckles.
Bob: What's in that present you just gave to Doge? he raises an eyebrow as he loosens his shoulders
Cat: he's whispering to avoid spoiling the present to Doge Oh I just gave him some Cat Food and a T-Shirt, nothing big, but enough to make him smile, you know?
Bob: Ah alright I get it. he speaks out in public again So, who wants me to kick their ass, and fuck them up like the bastard they are? he pounds his fists together
Snache: Everyone go after Bob at once! It will make things a lot easier! he charges at Bob, followed by the other four
The Battle begins. Shache makes the first move by pouncing on Bob and biting his right shoulder blade. Causing it to leave a deep mark, and blood to spew from it. Bob responds by grabbing Snache by the neck and slamming him into the ground.
Bob: Agh! Don't even try it, you filthy scoundrel. Coma sujeira! (Eat dirt!) he grins as he slams him into the ground, but soon clutches his bleeding shoulder
Doge: BOO! he bites into Bob's neck
Doge climbs onto Bob and grips tightly onto his body, he bites deep into his neck as if he were a vampire, except he doesn't drink the blood. He lets it spew out and lands all over his body. To Bob's agony, he tries to grab Doge, but is unable to due to his angle.
Bob: Why you little- he attempts to catch him but Doge flies off of him Get back here!
Tank Cat and Gross Cat are dealing with Those Guys as they managed to get their attention. They all climb on Gross Cat and slap his face and beat him up. He tries shaking them off to avoid going through what Cat did. Tank Cat managed to pull one of them off and head butts him.
Tank Cat: You leave him alone you little rat! he charges at That Guy C
That Guy C goes behind Tank Cat and kicks his head in, causing Tank Cat to cough out blood and fall onto the floor. He is quick to get back up.
That Guy C: Do you want me to do that again? Or did you learn your lesson?
Tank Cat: Agh! You son of a bitch... he glares at him and they fight one on one
Axe Cat barges in and hits Gross Cat, causing Those Guys A and B to fall off of his body. To Gross Cat's confusion, he slaps Axe Cat across the back of the head.
Gross Cat: snarls Okay, what was that for!? That really hurt my legs, and if they're even the slightest bit damaged, I fall onto the floor and land head first onto the ground. Making me go unconscious.
Axe Cat: Okay! I'm sorry! Why are you acting like a bitch about it. I saved you out there. You could have hit them from afar before they even came to you!
Gross Cat: So now I'm the bad guy here? Because I didn't see them coming? What kind of logic even is that!?
Axe Cat: The point is you should learn how to concentrate! All you do is goof off in battle. Like the goofball you are!
The two Cats begin arguing, to which Those Guys A and B also begin arguing over how they got distracted. Tank Cat and That Guy C just stare in confusion.
That Guy A: Why didn't you slap the back of his head to make him unconscious? He is the strongest out of all the Cats because of his range! He is basically invincible.
That Guy B: Sorry for doing all the effort into attacking Gross Cat. Do you see the bruises on his cheeks? Who did that? Me! he crosses his arms and pouts
That Guy A: Okay, you did something, but I made his left ear bleed by piercing it with my small hands! I should just get a diamond and BOOM! He has an ear piercing.
Tank Cat: Why are my friends arguing? he turns angrily towards That Guy C and head butts him, doing little damage You did this! Go out there and make it up. he points at the two argument sessions, That Guy C is just staring at it all
That Guy C: No thanks, I'm good! This is comedy gold. We should record this and sell millions of copies over these arguments. Billions if there's any physical contact...he rubs his hands in excitement, to Tank Cat's offense
Cat and Snache are dueling. Cat bites Snache, but instantly coughs out water color paint due to biting on a painted spot. Snache finds this amusing.
Cat: Ugh! I can't believe I just tasted that water color paint. You know that's for paper, right? Your scales will crack up and be ruined! Yuck! he rubs his paws all over his gray, stained tongue
Snache: Firstly, these scales are so coarse, they have the same texture as a sheet of paper. Second, if my scales do get ruined, I just shed them by the end of the month and I get new, healthy ones. And third, how dare you disrespect my paint! I'm going to murder you!
Snache pounces on Cat and bites into his right arm, causing it to bleed out and leave bite marks. Cat bites back on a non-painted area on Snache's face and that bleeds out as well. It is quite a barbaric scene unfolding.
Cat: muffled Hey, how do you like that for coarse scales? he giggles as he continues biting
Snache: If only you were as funny as Gross Cat. he groans in both annoyance and pain
Bob is chasing Doge for revenge on biting his neck. He seems quite pissed as he makes a jump on him. He punches his face, causing it to bleed out.
Bob: Get back here you fucking vampire! Don't make me call The Cat God on you...he grins as he prepares to call The Cat God
Doge: G-GAH! he coughs some blood Oh shit...a-anything but The Cat God! he whimpers as he backs away, tripping on a stone
Bob: Already scared? Good. he flicks the toothpick in his mouth Music to my ears...
Bob chuckles before he attempts to do a high pitched Cat meow in order to summon the iconic feline Deity. But his meow is so inaccurate and awful to the point where it doesn't even work. Bob just mumbles in defeat.
Doge: he cackles loudly HAHAHAHAH! You call that a meow, please! Oh this is so funny, I might actually piss myself...
Bob: Merda...(shit...) If only the Cats whom we're meeting up with was here. This would be a lot easier. he grits his teeth as he clutches his fist, he charges into Doge once more as they continue going crazy
The Battlefield has turned into chaos when all of a sudden, a noise can be heard yelling out from afar. It turned out to be a Cat calling out for their peers. Everyone turns to see who it is.
??? ???: Did somebody say my name? Or am I not supposed to be here? they search around before revealing themselves
Tank Cat: Cow Cat! It's really you. We really need your help right now...I don't think Bob can do it on his own...he shakes in fear
Cow Cat: Who the hell is this "Bob" guy? I'll find out later. For starters, just get rid of Those Guys! he charges at fast speed towards That Guy C, who goes flying and screams in fear That'll teach him for fucking with my partners! he charges at the other two Guys A and B
That Guy B: Wah! We're sorry...he stiffens up
That Guy A: We didn't mean any harm! Please, will you let us go?
Cow Cat: Too late! he head butts them one by one and they go flying Phew! All in a days work...he turns to Axe Cat and Gross Cat who are still arguing
Gross Cat: At least I didn't name my axe and pretend it's a living being!
Axe Cat: I do not pretend she is a living being. I JUST NAMED HER AND GAVE HER A GENDER!
Cow Cat grabs them both with his hooves. He groans in annoyance just seeing them fight.
Cow Cat: Enough of you two! he head butts them both in their faces, causing bruising Apologize, and let's help out Cat and that Human over there...
Axe Cat and Gross Cat simultaneously: Sorry...
They rush up towards Snache and Doge, when all of a sudden. Ninja Cat and another Special Forces Cat come out and deal with Doge and Snache. Ninja Cat slices Doge's ears and pins him down. While the other Cat presses his arms on Snache's face with a lot of pressure. Causing him to go unconscious.
???? ???: Hey Ninja, I think we cleared out all of the enemies! I can't see any more nearby...
Bob: Oh, thanks Ninja Cat. I appreciate it. he grins as he nudges her
Ninja Cat: Namaste, Bob. she bows, to which he does the same back Doing my job with that Battle Act Cat over there. she points at Cow Cat And my buddy Sumo Cat! And Dweeb Cat needed my help as per usual. she rolled her eyes
Tank Cat: SUMO CAT! he beams happily at his arrival
Sumo Cat: TANK CAT! he also smiles brightly at seeing one of his best friends
The two rush at one another and pounce on each other's torsos. Before hugging tightly and giggling away. The other Cats make their way over seeing the enemies all cleared out, and the two new arrivals in front of them.
Bob: Ah, so you two must be Cow Cat, and Sumo Cat. From The Battle Act and The Special Forces in that respective order? he raises an eyebrow and smirks
Cow Cat: Oh right! You must be the human all of the others were blabbering about. Howdy there partner!
Cow Cat was unique from the rest of the other Cats. That being, he isn't 100% feline! The only Cat thing about him is his face. Which is the exact same cartoonish one found on the other Cats par Tank Cat. His head is shaped like a squash and has two small ears sticking out alongside two large horns sticking upwards. He has a squared body of a typical bull, except he has utters like a female cow does, but sadly, he can't produce milk. He also has a large bull tail which is similar to the ones found on real cattle. He also has hoofs rather than paws. He is the same size as your average bull.
Cow Cat: Yup, Cow Cat is the name, and speeding is the game! I am the speedster of the Battle Act. I can run speeds never seen before by these enemies. I can outrun every non-speedster I know. I may only be able to attack one enemy at a time, but at the rate I attack them at. There's no doubt about me being able to take on multiple enemies at once. I also have good knock back reflexes, so I can retreat if the enemies are too tough! I'm also the guy you can count on to put everyone in shape. I only go forwards in life, never backwards. he grins before putting out a hoof for a hoof-shake
Bob: Pleased to meet you! I'm sure we will be good friends and allies on and off the battlefield. I also have decent enough speed for my build. So you can count on me to help you out. he shakes Cow Cat's hoof before looking at Sumo Cat
Sumo Cat is also rather unusual. As he is built like the typical Japanese human Sumo Wrestlers! He has a large, overweight, but also muscular build. With a unique cone-shaped head. He sports a pair of Sumo wrestling shorts. And actually has jet black hair pulled back with a hair band! He also has human hands! But they are still fluffy with Cat fur. And he still rocks the iconic Cat Face, but his fat cheeks and double chin make it appear more chubby. He is also quite tall, just like Gross Cat is.
Sumo Cat: Ah, you must be the human Ninja Cat was talking about, huh? he grins as he approaches Bob So please, tell me and my dear friend Cow Cat about yourself. he chuckles heartedly I would love to hear about the stuff you get up to with Tank Cat.
Bob: Of course. he looks at Cow Cat and Sumo Cat to make sure they're both listening, because he is not saying it twice My name is Roberto Mourinho Jablovskyy. But you can call me Bob, it's easier to say! I am 16 years old. And I am not from here. I come from a suburban town in Lisbon, Portugal. I initially was supposed to be sent to a disciplinary camp in North Korea for my aggressive behavior by my Mother, but I was sent to South Korea instead. Where I met Cat and joined him and his other allies in combat against these enemies. So now we must obtain the Merlion treasure, all three variants of it! Because why the fuck not!? Also, pleasure to meet you Sumo Cat. the two shake hands and Cow Cat chuckles at the story
Sumo Cat: Pleasure's all mine. I am Sumo Cat! I believe I should introduce myself! I am the main damage soaker of the Special Forces just like Tank Cat here. I have practiced the arts of being a Sumo Wrestler. And I can rush forward and soak damage for The Special Forces! I also provide decent Area Attack against enemies. Just like Tank Cat and the enemy Hippoe. Me and Tank Cat both share the struggles of not dealing a lot of damage. But we do share having a lot of durability. So that's cool. It is a pleasure being at your acquaintance, Mr. Mourinho. he bows in respect, to which Bob repeats
Cow Cat: Say Bob. You better not be a handful, or I will send you to my room to clean out my bed! And Gross Cat's bed too! We share the same room. he chuckles loudly
Bob: I promise! Also...I have a question. How the fuck is there even room for you? he grins as he nods to the promise
Cow Cat: One second...he rushes and head butts the 3 variants of the Merlion off of their shelves he returns with them Okay, I sleep on the floor! Because I'm a cow! I can't fit on a proper bed. I just have soft blankets on the floor to keep me warm.
Gross Cat: He is a loud sleeper by the way. he shutters in disgust, before being whacked with Cow Cat's horns OW!
Cow Cat: Mess with the Bull, how get the Horns! he sneers at Gross Cat
Cat: At least we found Cow Cat. Now our squad is starting to look pretty badass. he smirks before greedily grabbing the treasure and making his way to the Cat Base
Tank Cat: Well, that's Cat for you...he giggles
Sumo Cat: You clearly didn't listen when I said "Size didn't matter". He's tiny, but has a lot of dedication towards treasure hunting. he nudges Tank Cat, a bit too hard to the point where he falls down Oh, sorry, my bad.
Ninja Cat: I suppose we should be on our way...it was nice meeting you all again. Especially you, lame-o! she jabs Axe Cat with her sword, to which he bites it in anger
Axe Cat: Well it's nice to see you go. I don't want you to humble me with your sword. he grumbles as he turns away
Gross Cat: Don't worry. You're not the only one who finds him a bit too much at times. he smirks before nudging Ninja Cat
Ninja Cat: True, anyways we'll see each other again someday, The Battle Act. Bye bye. she sprints away
Sumo Cat: Bye everyone! he waves before walking off
Bob: Adeus. (Goodbye) he flicks his toothpick as he makes his way back to the Cat Base
Inside, Bob and the five Cats are discussing about their next adventure tomorrow. They all seem genuinely interested in what's to come.
Bob: Say Cat, where are we going to next? he cracks his knuckles, and leans forward
Cat: Heh, let me see...he flicks through his log book We're going to the Maldives tomorrow! We will be searching for the Tropical Juice treasures. And...we'll be facing the five we always face...and a boss! A RED ONE. the Cats and Bob all look surprised, except Axe Cat, who grins
Axe Cat: Finally, a chance to show off my true potential as a fighter. he smirks as he grabs his axe Matilda here does 1.5X the damage to Red enemies. And I receive only 0.5X the damage from Red enemies! Because I am Strong against Red enemies. he chuckles to himself
Cat: We have produced special weapons which can also be used against certain enemy traits much more effectively compared to others. Everyone you've seen so far are white, also known as trait less enemies. But there's enemies who appear red in color too! So now that explains Axe Cat being Strong Against Red Enemies.
Bob: Ah, I think I get it...let's head to bed because I clearly don't understand and I need a lie down.
So the Cats laugh off Bob's lack of understanding/"I'll believe it when I see it" ideology. And they all make their way to bed. Getting prepared for their second boss fight very soon. Meanwhile in the Enemies Base in the Maldives...
Doge: Let's see what Cat got me...he grabs the present and opens it up Cat Food? That actually looks pretty tasty. And a Hawaiian shirt? he tries it on and looks into a mirror Wow...it looks good on me. Heh...he giggles bashfully at the shirt choices of Cat you have to hand it to him. He sure knows how to send presents. You got to love him, even if he's your rival. he smiles brightly, before being interrupted by Snache
Snache: DO YOU MIND? I'm trying to sleep here! he groans as he glares at Doge, his sleeping mask falling off
Doge: PISS OFF SNACHE! LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT!
Let's leave before things break out and we have to endure this all. WHERE THE HELL IS THE ENDING C- oh, there it is...
TO BE CONTINUED
This was rather fun to write! I introduced Cow Cat and Sumo Cat into the story in this episode. I had to give them both a chance of representation. I stayed as loyal to the descriptions as possible when it came to them. I also have to try my hardest to avoid a The Loud House: Revamped! case of having too many characters and not letting them interact with one-another.
Anyways stay tuned for tomorrow as we meet the first red enemy! I believe you all know who. :D
The Battle Cats (2014) and its respective characters and features are all owned by Ponos Corporation.
The character Bob is owned by me, however, feel free to use him non-profitably, just as long as you credit me as the owner
This is 100% unofficial and can be considered as a Fan-made fiction.