Harry watched as Hermione climbed the stairs to her dorms, he didn't know how long they had sat down here, after Hermione's break down he just held her, which he felt was weird, he wasn't one for physical contact, he always flinched away from it, but he had just moved, and he just embraced her as she cried into his shoulder.
If he was being honest with himself he was glad, glad that Hermione had, had a break down, it meant he didn't have to go into detail, didn't have to explain anything, he sighed and rubbed his eyes, it came away damp, he hadn't cried much, but seeing Hermione cry for him, well it touched something deep inside him, and the tears he was holding back, managed to escape, but not out of distress like usual, but, was that happiness? He didn't know.
Hermione laid in bed, her mind reeling from the little information she had received from Harry, her imagination couldn't stop picturing a younger Harry being abused, she cursed herself for breaking down.
If she hadn't of broken down, she would have heard more, more information was always good it meant she could help him more, but old insecurities came up.
She closed her eyes as those memories assaulted her for the first time in years, she was playing with two of her cousins, this was just after her party went horribly wrong, her mother had invited her cousins around, her parents were hoping they could bring Hermione out of her depression, and it worked.
They were playing at home, at first, she didn't know what to do, so she had suggested reading a book and then discussing it when it was finished, she thought that could be fun, she could remember what her cousin had said.
"Hermione, we know your smart, but me and my sis would take days to finish that, so why don't we go to the park and play tag"
Usually that would have made Hermione upset, but her cousin had said it with such a kind smile on her face that she took the hand she was offering and agreed to play.
She was glad she did, they were all giggling and running around, and Hermione, felt like a normal child, she didn't want to sound arrogant, but she knew how smart she was, and at times she found it difficult to switch off, and because of the lack of experience dealing with people, she sometimes came of as a know it all, Ron's and Harry's friendship helped show her how conceited she really was, but they also helped her for the better.
Her mind turned back to the memory, they were all led on the floor when a shadow appeared above them, it was a boy, she recognised him, he was Dudley Dursley, the school bully, his group of friends were the only ones she didn't invite to her party.
"What do we have here boys, what are you two doing hanging around with this stuck up know it all."
He had said in a form of a greeting, Hermione immediately shrunk back on herself, her cousins though jumped to her defence, Hermione remember sitting there as the situation devolved into chaos, she couldn't remember the words her cousin said but she did see the vicious snarl that that appeared on the boy's face, and it scared her to her core.
She saw him throw a punch at her cousin, to Hermione everything was happening in slow motion, until the moment it hit, and everything returned to normal speed, her cousin went down hard.
"Sammie!"
She remembered Charlotte, her youngest cousin yelling, she went to run towards her, but her hair was pulled by a boy named Piers Polkiss, one of Dudley's friend's.
She got to her feet, she couldn't watch anymore.
"STOP!" she yelled
she watched in surprise as everyone got launched back, not far, just enough to separate everyone, she would never forget the horror on her cousin's face as they looked at her, or the speech Dudley had given.
"I'm so sorry, I came over to warn you guys, she invited my freak of a cousin to a party, and he had cursed her, anyone who thinks of her as a friend will get hurt, I came over to warn you but then my lips moved on their own, and I'm so sorry for attacking you".
Hermione's mouth hang agape at what he was saying, she knew he was lying the vicious grin told her everything, she didn't expect her cousins… her family to believe this boy but the look on their face was full of disgust, not directed at the boy, no, it was directed at her.
"you're a curse, I'm going to tell everyone to stay away from you, I can't believe I'm related to you, I'm going to let everyone know".
She had tried explaining but she didn't listen, then it got worse, they had been invited to a family get together, no one believed the two girls at first, but at her grandma's 92nd birthday party, they came and harassed her, saying how a curse like her should have stayed away, how she was evil and was going to ruin the party, and technically she did.
She asked them to stop, begged them even, but they didn't and then she cried, and her wails broke every glass in the room, her parents knew of these incidents, so quickly came to her and hugged her saying everything would be alright, she remembered the look of horror that was on everyone's face, she remembered how her parents had shouted at them, because how could any adult look at a child with such disgust, only her grandma looked at her with concern, other than her parents of course.
She now knows it was accidental magic, but she blames herself for how the rest of her family treats her parents.
Suddenly she had a eureka moment, Dudley had said she had invited his cousin to the party, no, he had said he had invited his "freak of a cousin".
"I'm a freak, you wouldn't like me, I'm a freak after all, just a freak, not worthy of living, you got lucky that my uncle was kind enough to keep me from going, I can't believe I thought we could have been friends, you're probably a wonderful person I'm just a freak".
The words she read early that night flashed through her head, oh my god, Harry was Dudley's cousin, she could see it, he was a nasty child, one that only nasty parents could raise, her heart dropped, how could she help Harry, why had she broken down, this boy was the reason her family was hated, and Harry had to live with this boy, she felt sick.
Hermione fell asleep that night crying, she didn't even try to wipe them away as her heart broke for her best friend, the last thought she had before succumbing to the darkness was, I will help you.
The first thing Hermione did when she got up was go to the owlery, she sent a letter explaining everything she learnt, she felt guilty for doing this behind Harry's back, apart of her wanted to learn more of the situation first, but she didn't know if Harry would open up again, he was stubborn like that, and she knew he only opened up last night cause he thought she would not be his friend if he didn't.
She asked her parents for books on PTSD, psychology, abuse victim books anything she could think that might help her, after that was done, she went to the library she was thankful it was the weekend, she was too emotionally unstable to do classes right now and she was determined to help Harry, and she did what she did best and learned.
Harry hadn't seen Hermione all day, he was worried that she was ignoring him, to be fair he didn't blame her, if she was smart which she was, then she'd stay away from the freak.
Harry cursed, he was getting better at not referring to himself as a freak, but when his emotions got heightened his old tendencies comes back, he often found himself referring to himself as a freak, he knew he had problems with self-acceptance and self-worth, but the longer he didn't see Hermione the more his fears took over.
Harry was trying to stop his inside voice from telling him that she ran away, that no one could be friends with a freak like him, and now that she knew she'd stay well away from Harry potter.
"You alright mate".
Harry's head shot up at the voice and saw his other best mate, Ron Weasley.
"Yeah, yeah I'm good". He had mumbled back
That response didn't quite seem to convince Ron, but he wasn't one to push.
"Whatever you say, fancy some wizard chess?"
Harry nodded, not giving a verbal response, hopefully this game will get him out of his own head, it always made him grumpy when he got like this, he was easier to snap at others, he knew most of the time they didn't deserve it but sometimes his emotions just boiled over.
They played for a few hours, before Ron said he was tired and got ready for bed, Harry sat down in the common room all alone waiting for Hermione, then he had an idea, he didn't know if she was avoiding him but if he was doing his homework maybe it would make her more inclined to talk to him.
Harry was surprised at how easy he found his potions homework, subconsciously he knew he wasn't dumb, he also knew some of the professors was disappointed with his work ethic, they kept comparing him to his parents and how smart they were, and also McGonagall, kept saying how his father was the top student in transfiguration and his mother was pretty much the top student in everything else except potions.
He was sure that was her excuse to motivate him, and to some extent it worked he made more of an effort, but he was aiming for the middle ground, not good but not bad either, he tried to get Ron to improve his grades too, but he was a lost cause.
Harry was lost in thought when Hermione came through the portrait, immediately Harry had stiffened, he wanted to talk to her, but he was so lost in his thoughts that seeing her suddenly made him forget everything he was going to say, instead he just sat their fiddling with his quill.
Harry stood when Hermione made her way over to him, he stiffened when she opened her arms, he instinctively closed his eyes, he learnt long ago not to block so he didn't raise his arms to defend himself, but no strike came instead one arm went behind his head and the other behind his back.
Harry acted slowly he was unsure what to do but slowly his arms raised and he returned her hug, she had hugged him before, in his second year, it was his first hug and It was a quick one, he didn't really think back then, he was just so relieved that she was safe, this one was longer and felt different, he felt… safe? Yes he felt safe, relief flooded him as he realised Hermione wasn't ignoring him, he felt his eyes well up.
Sometimes Harry thought having friends was a curse, as much as the Dursley's abused him, he became numb to it, but every time he met with his friend it healed his heart and made his emotions unstable, it was worst at moments like this when it was the start of the year.
And also, moments where he was back with the Dursley's, after each school year, he would return to hell but since he spent a year away from it, he wasn't as submissive as before, he would steal food, he would deny orders, and he would pay the price, by the time the summer ends the numbness sneaks back in.
But then he returns to Hogwarts, to his friends, and he's happy again, but he struggles with gaining control over his emotion, its like ripping a bandage off a still open wound and trying to call back the blood with just his will, it was impossible.
He didn't even realised Hermione had pulled away, he was so comfy in this little safety bubble that he had never felt before, her hand reached up and touched his face, he was glad to say he only flinched a little bit, she wiped his tears away, huh, tears, he didn't even realise he was crying.
"Hey Hermione"
He winced his voice sounded so weak.
"Hey Harry"
Her reply was so gentle, but what really made him smile was that he didn't hear pity from her voice.
"Where have you been?"
He couldn't help but question.
"I was in the library, after last night my emotions were all over the place, and you know how the library is my safe place"
Harry couldn't help but let out a small laugh as he nodded his head.
"I just want to let you know, if you ever need to speak to someone, I am here for you, I want to ask about everything, I want to know what they did to my best friend, I want to curse them for making you cry, I want to… if I'm being honest Harry, a part of me wants to kill them"
Harry gasped at that admission, it made it more surprising that it came from Hermione, but instead of feeling disgusted he felt pure bliss and happiness overcome him.
"You don't…"
Harry didn't get to continue as Hermione put a finger to his lips.
"But I won't ask those questions, but if you ever feel comfortable, I will always listen to you, no matter the time or place, some people may pity you, I have to be honest I did at first, but over the course of today, I had time to think, and instead I think I respect you, you've been through hell, and your still the nicest and kindest boy I've ever met"
By the end of her confession Hermione had her hand on his cheek, her eyes staring into his as both of them cried but neither looked away.
They stayed like that, which felt like forever to Harry, but eventually Hermione removed her hand from his cheek removing the feeling of safety that came with it being there, it was then Hermione wiped her eyes, and Hermione being Hermione immediately noticed his homework and picked it up.
"Wow, I think this is better than mine"
Hermione stood there with her mouth agape.
"it's not that good" Harry mumbled.
Hermione stood there in shock for a moment.
"NOT THAT GOOD!?" Hermione yelled.
Hermione blushed.
"Sorry, but this is really good, don't put yourself down like that, if you can perform work like this, why don't you?"
Harry had a conflicted look on his face, he sighed he could throw her one more bone but that would be it, no more spilling his emotions, he was pretty sure he was only doing this because it was the start of the year and his emotions from being at that place haven't had time to adjust.
"I'd get punished, if I'd do better than my cousin" Harry whispered
"Dudley" Hermione growled.
Harry stood there with a shocked face.
"How did you…"
Harry trailed off, he didn't know how to finish that sentence, then he remembered she had gone to the same school, then the conversation from last night popped up in his head, she called herself a curse, was that Dudley's doing, he knew he wasn't the only one bullied by him, he was just the main one.
"I had time to think last night, I figured a few things out"
Hermione ended the sentence with a wink, trying to diffuse the tension that filled the air, Harry just shook his head as Hermione went back to his homework and looking over it.
"Can we study together?"
Harry was momentarily shocked.
"Um, I think doing this well was a onetime thing"
Harry was scared of doing well in school, he didn't know if Hermione could see the fear in his eyes but the smile, she directed at him gave him a small amount of courage, before she spoke, she took both his hands in hers.
"I'm not asking you to do amazingly straight away, but he's not here, you can't do better than him if he's not here, I know you must be scared but hopefully we can help you get over this struggle together, plus when we finished Hogwarts you will be old enough to get away from them, and knowing all this magic would make that easier, no?"
Harry let out a shaky breath, and then nodded not trusting his words, Hermione made some good points, he needed to learn now so it was easier to escape when he could, he needed to get over some of his fears, he was just glad Hermione was there to help.