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The drive barely took any time - same as before. It was even faster with how I was blatantly breaking every traffic law. I wouldn't be surprised if I got a ticket in the mail sometime soon, a stray camera probably catching me. I don't really care though… because I was right around the corner from my street.
I take a couple of deep breaths, going over every single lie I could think of for the inevitable storm of questions he was gonna ask. Charlie wasn't much of a talker, especially when it came to emotions, but I've got the feeling that he's going to be a little irritated with me. Maybe even a bit angry, I think with a bitter laugh. I'm going to be grounded until I move out.
I shook it off though, because the interrogation was still pretty low on my list of worries. Yeah, I was stressed about lying, about making sure he believed the facade I crafted… but I was more worried about killing him.
The bit at the store was amazing. I didn't crack - not even close, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't now. It doesn't mean I couldn't hurt him in a thousand different ways. I could wave my arm, and he would go flying through a wall. Which of course meant that he would start bleeding, which would…
I sigh - just letting the worry of my newest scenario ease away. I couldn't focus on that right now, I had to keep my priorities straight.
This isn't a good idea Beau… you're going to hurt him, my angel gently told me, stress clearly in her voice. I could feel her hand on my shoulder, and if I tried - in the corner of my eye… I can see her sitting there.
"I'm not abandoning him," I whisper back, not looking at her, worried that if I did, she'd disappear. Right now… I don't think I could handle this if she did.
I know, that's not what I meant… you should wait… be sure that you really do have control before you go and see him.
I took a shaky breath in, and I knew that if I was still human, my heart would be going a thousand beats a minute.
"I can't just let him think I disappeared… he needs to know I'm ok." I whispered, gripping my wheel tight.
I won't touch him. He might wanna shake me around, hug me, slap my shoulder, or whatever, but I will not return anything. I'm just gonna stand there, let him get whatever he needs out. Because if I try to hug him back, or even just to pat him on the back…
"Stop freaking yourself out," I whisper to myself, shaking my head. So I'm staying still. Next, I'm not gonna breathe, or I'll try not to - like I said, the amazing job I did at the store was golden, but it's a fact that that moment could have been a fluke. So I'm not chancing it. I drive down the street, purposely going slow as I try to organize my thoughts.
Standing still. No breathing. Lastly, I'm gonna try and make this as quick as possible… which might be the hardest of the three. He'll want to know every single little detail, and it might take a little while before he's satisfied. Then the yelling will probably start. Which I am totally ok with, I deserve it.
I ease to a crawl at the last stop sign, before turning, pulling onto my street. I finally see my house, and a relief unlike any other hits me as I get closer to it. I don't think I've ever appreciated it more than I have right now - I didn't even realize how much I would have missed it. I grinned seeing that his cruiser was parked in the driveway.
Carefully, I ease into the space next to it. I put my truck in park, and I took one last little moment to myself. The contacts looked fine, my clothes were mostly okay, besides the jeans - I can do this.
This was when this would be hardest. Once I go in there, the option of running away disappears, because he is going to keep me under a microscope for the next few months… and I don't wanna hurt him any worse by disappearing again, just a few days after coming back.
"You got this… just… take it one step at a time," I breathed, pushing my door open and stepping out. It's almost six I think - the sun was about to come up, and that meant he should just about be ready for work.
The sun was a worrying concept. The… the other vampires that had lived here had picked a great place to live though, the clouds from last night's rain were still loitering, and probably would be for the next few days. I walk up to the door, and gently push my key in, twisting, and unlocking it before opening the door. I held my breath.
I could hear his heartbeat coming from the kitchen. It sounded like he was making coffee, but I wasn't really sure. I was trying to dial everything back.
"Dad," I called out softly, walking further in, putting my hands in my pockets, and firmly intending to keep them there. I didn't hear him move around in the kitchen - I don't think he heard me.
"Dad," I called out again, a little louder this time, as I slowly walked to the kitchen. I grimace a little, hearing a mug shatter, and the scrapping of a chair. Frantic footsteps followed and carried into the hall… Allen?
"Beau!" He cried, his eyes wide as he came up to me, his jaw dropping as he looked at me. I dont move an inch as he quickly puts a firm hand on my shoulder, like he was trying to keep me from disappearing again, or to check to see if I was real. His usual introverted calmness is completely gone as he smiles at me, excitement bubbling in his tired eyes, even if he is a little freaked out about how I look.
"Beau, you're freezing!" He said, looking down at my shoulder. He took a step back, still keeping a grip on me, but he was looking me up and down, shaking his head. "What happened to you?" He said breathlessly, shock on his face as he took me in again.
"Long story… and I'm fine" I say with a little smile, looking around. Where was Charlie? "What are you doing here man?" I asked as casually as I could, not really liking where I think this was going. Charlie could be… extreme sometimes. I could tell that Allen was a little freaked out, my new look, my new voice - It wasn't surprising, it's meant to freak people out.
Hold your breath Beau, my angel whispered to me, hugging my arm as a gentle reminder. I didn't even realize that I had started breathing again, but I realized that I could smell the blood pumping through Allen as he got closer, got excited. It was intoxicating, just like with the woman in the store, but I still had a firm hold on it - I'm good. That doesn't stop me from holding my breath though, I wasn't going to be taking any chances.
"What am I doing here?" He asked like I'd said the funniest joke in the world, his grin was stretched hard across his face as he got over the new me. I could see the bags under his eyes, and the little look of pity he was giving me.
"Where have you been? Everyone's been looking for you, and we were all so worried, an-'' He started saying, waving a hand, but paused, stopping himself. His eyes looked into mine, and for half a second, I thought he could see through the stupid disguise I put myself in.
"Everyone's looking for you!" He says suddenly, making me recoil a little from the breath he blew at me. I pursed my lips, willing my throat to close up, and prayed that the magical resistance I had to blood didn't just suddenly disappear.
He was turning and walking back to the kitchen, but the grip he had on my shoulder stopped him. He turns to look back, but I quickly make up for it and walk, going with him. He shook it off, probably not caring and walked us over, like a guide making sure the moron of the group didn't get lost.
"What do you mean everyones looking for me?" I ask, dread creeping into my tone as Allen dropped his hand off my shoulder, walking over to the phone. "Allen, why are you here?" I asked again, as he grabbed it and started dialing, and in a second it was ringing.
"Your dad asked me to hang out here in cas-" He starts to say, putting the phone up to his ear, but stops as a voice on the other end speaks. It sounded like Holly Clearwater I think. I could hear everything that she's saying, but she sounded different, like she was sick.
"I've got him! He's here, he came home," Allen says fast, barely waiting for Holly to finish her little greeting. Instantly I could hear an excited cry from the woman. "We found him!" I could faintly hear Holly cry out on the other end.
My eyes widen as I start to hear cheering from what must have been a huge group on the other end. Did Charlie… Did he make another hunting party for me? Unlike last time - which I really shouldn't think about right now… it hurt… thinking about that night. I felt my angel squeeze my arm tighter, as if she was silently begging for forgiveness.
I shake my head. I wasn't actually coherent enough to feel the embarrassment last time is my point.
"Is he okay? Is he hurt?" Holly said, getting straight to the point, while I heard people around her asking questions, all of them excitedly chattering. "Yeah… Well, I'm um… I'm not sure. He's freezing, he looks pale, and I uh… I don't know, he looks different." Allen said, sending me an apologetic look, which I quickly waved away, shaking my head.
"Mind if I talk to her, Allen?" I ask with a gentle smile, holding a hand out for the phone. This was mortifying. Allen of course hands it over, his fingers very luckily not touching me as he lightly drops the phone into my palm.
"Hey Holly," I said, getting another excited cheer from whatever group had gathered around her. Was I on speaker? "So… Uh… could I speak to my dad please" I asked, feeling like an idiot.
"Of course! He's out here on the reservation with us, but he's in the woods right now coordinating the search with everyone else. He's with the first group, but he'll be back in like thirty minutes. Say hi to the group two, they were just about to go and help," She said with a happy laugh, everyone behind her calling out, saying that they were happy I was back and safe, welcoming me home. I felt my stomach drop a little. They were all out looking for me, wasting their own time, and it was because I was dumb enough to go on a hike, by myself. Dumb enough to go and get myself killed.
"Hey… uh hey everyone, thank you so much for the help, but I… uh I am so sorry to make you guys do this," I said, shaking my head, putting a hand on my face. I'm kinda glad I'm not human anymore, because my face would be pure red with those unattractive splotches. I could hear a lot of affirmations in the background, telling me that it was okay and what not.
"Don't worry about it at all Beau, we're all just happy that you're safe." She said, sounding like she was straining, grabbing something. "Ok, I'm going to radio Charlie, and let him know that you're back, he'll be home in a little less than an hour Beau, I promise." I was about to say another sorry, probably followed by another thank you, but I froze.
"Wait, I'm sorry, did you say he's out in the woods right now?" I asked, a little bit of fear creeping into my voice. I could hear Allen shuffle behind me nervously.
"Yeah Beau, I'll let him get you up to spe-"
"Right, I'll meet you guys there actually." I said, quickly hanging up, and turning. I start walking to my truck, wanting to just run, but I can't with Allen trailing behind me, trying to keep up.
"Where… where are you going Beau? They said Chief Swan's coming back here." Allen said as he watched me open the door off my truck and hop in. "Don't you wanna change first?" He called out, a little desperate and completely lost on what I was doing.
"I'll change when I get home." I say with clipped words. Charlie was out in the woods right now, with a bunch of mutant wolves, and psychotic vampires. Him and a lot of innocent people. I didn't care that they were all in a large group, and were probably armed. It wouldn't mean a thing against Joss or Lauren. I pull out of the driveway quickly, speeding down the street and I floor it to the reservation.
This isn't a good idea Beau… you'll be surrounded by people… you'll hurt them my angel said, begging me with agony in her voice to not go. I could see her again, in the corner of my eye, sitting next to me. I quickly shake my head.
"I have to help," I mumble, tuning the world out as I think of all the things that could happen. I was terrified that I would be the monster when I got there, but the idea that those wolves, or the other vampires… heck even just normal animals, that anything could hurt my dad. It was an unacceptable idea.
It took me barely ten minutes to get onto the reservation, pushing my truck to its absolute limit, which was a steady 50 mph - something that frustrated me to no end.
"Come on pal, come on." I said, lightly patting the steering wheel. I wanted to hit it, but now was not the time to break things. I took a breath, and rolled the window down, letting the wind in. I took another breath, this time through my nose, trying to find the scent. Of what I'm not sure, a large group, Charlie, or just whatever could lead me to them. I felt stupid for not asking where on the reservation everyone was.
Listen… my angel gently told me, the phantom of her hand running along my arm. I obeyed instantly, my eyes glazing over as I listened for something. It took less than a second, but I could hear it. A group, a large group, all faintly talking, coming from the west.
"Thank you," I whispered to her. I pushed the gas harder, knowing it's not gonna make it go any faster, but it felt good. I drove down the road, not knowing exactly which turns to take, but within a couple of minutes of just listening for the crowd to get louder and louder, I eventually found them.
They were all actually at Bonnie's place - which of course. I should have guessed that would be where Charlie would go if he needed to search from the reservation. Everyone was out on the front lawn, all talking to each other. It looked like they were all having some kind of cook out, without the food.
They all cheered, as I pulled in, clapping and whistling. I couldn't believe it, all these people were looking for me, wanting to help Charlie - and this was only half of them. I would never live this down - not for a hundred years. I parked next to a line of cars, and hopped out, the crowd all watching as Holly ran up. As soon as my feet touched the wet grass, she had her arms wrapped around me, giving me a hug.
Hold your breath! Don't move! My angel yells with panic. I do as I'm told, holding my breath, and letting her arms wrap around me while I stand stone still. Luckily, it only lasted a second before she froze. I could hear her breath hitch. She quickly pulled back, looking me up and down. Her eyes somehow get even wider, probably seeing how pale I was.
"Oh my gosh Beau! You're freezing! Someone get me some blankets!" Holly yelled, instantly getting back into business as she pulled back and gripped my arm, trying to pull me along. Unlike when Allen did it, I didn't hesitate. I let her drag me forward as everyone on the porch scrambled.
"Where's Gerandy! Gerandy, come here!" Holly called before I could say anything. She walked past everyone, a determined look on her face.
"Holly! Hold on, hey, I'm fine" I tried to say, but she just kept walking. Calling out for people to make me a room in the house, and for someone to find Dr. Gerandy. I don't think I'm gonna be able to say anything to change her mind, not while she's in leader mode.
With a quiet huff, I planted my feet. She stumbled a little, a surprised squawk coming from the older woman as she finally stopped, her hand still gripping my arm, which is what saved her from falling over completely. I gave her a tiny smile, and very gently… very, very gently, I patted her on the shoulder.
"I'm totally okay Holly. I was out of it for a little while, but I'm fine." I say with what hopefully sounded like a light laugh. I could see her look me up and down with really deep concern. The same way Allen looked at me. I really hope that isn't going to be how it is everytime.
"Beau… you're paler than snow, you're just as cold, and you… you sound different. You aren't okay" She said. I could hear her swallow. I probably should have hunted again before I got here, because I could feel my throat getting dry. I just have to pray that none of these people got hurt out in their search, that none of them have a cut or something.
"It's a long story, but I'm fine. I promise. Could you just tell me where my dad is - I really need to see him."
It's easy to see - she thinks I'm lying, that I might just collapse at any second, and die right here. A bit late for that worry, I think to myself. As gently as I can, I ease out of her grip, taking a very deliberate, slow step back. I watched as she very carefully looked me up and down, for a second, just kinda considering.
"Are you sure?" She asks quietly. Clearly she wanted to pester me with a thousand questions, lock me up in a blanket, and have Dr. Gerandy look me over for hours.
"100%, I'm fit as a fiddle," I say with a tiny smile, and an easy tone. Hopefully it'll be enough to hide the growing terror behind my eyes. I needed to find Charlie right now. I was starting to think of all the horrible ways he could die again.
Calm down Beau… he'll be fine… my angel tried to calm me down. It worked a little bit, but the nagging feeling of needing to make sure he was okay was just stuck in my head.
"So, where's dad?" I asked her again, letting my smile melt into the best one I could give - wishing she'd just tell me. Instead she let out a little gasp, her eyes widening again. Quickly, I stop smiling. I must've… I must've scared her. Crap.
"He's that way, he's coming back now, but… he's east." She said slowly and shakily, pointing to the woods behind Bonnie's house. "We started our search here, and we were going to make our way back to Forks," She said, shaking her head, and pushing some of her hair back over her shoulder as she lightly explained.
"Are you sure you're ok Beau?" she asked one more time, but I was already walking.
"I'm fine Holly, thank you… so much. I owe you one." I called over my shoulder as I went.
I barely got two steps when I saw Bonnie rolling out of her front door. Blankets in her lap. I gave her a wave, and a small strained smile - but I stopped. I was still walking, but the way she looked at me…
Bonnie looked at me with horror… like she was looking at a monster. She was shaking, and frozen at the same time somehow, like she couldn't decide what to do. I flinched back, and picked up the pace.
I didn't get the chance to see what her choice was as I passed by the house. I shook my head. I'll have to deal with that later… whatever it was. I could hear her frantically rolling back into her house. I just start walking faster - again, careful not to go too fast, but… pretty fast.
I wanted to think about that look, of the horror in her eyes - but I can't keep getting distracted. When I find Charlie, then everything will be ok, and I can deal with everything else, but he was my priority.
I take a deep breath - forcing myself to ignore the tempting aroma from the crowd behind me. I had it within a second. He was close, surrounded by a couple of people, with more scattered around the way.
I couldn't help but run, I kept it believable, but I needed to see him. I needed to know that I was strong enough… that I cared more about him, then I did for my thirst. I needed to know if I could keep being human.
It took a minute tops for me to get to him. It killed me that I couldn't go any quicker, but I could hear him, his heartbeat was steady and strong. I couldn't smell any blood in the air, just the smell of that aftershave he liked… I think he was fine.
I'm not going to believe that till I see him though. My hair whipped along with the wind as I ran. Going a little faster. I was pushing it on how believable I was being.
Slow down Beau… my angel said softly, running a hand along my jaw as I ran. I listened… partially… I couldn't help it.
I could see him trudging along, his uniform in complete disarray. I let out a relieved sigh as I saw with my own eyes that he was actually okay… he was fine. No giant mutant wolves mauled him, no psycho vampires looking for me killed him - he was okay.
"Dad!" I called out with a grin, finally slowing down to a quick walk.
His head snapped up when he heard me, and then he was walking just as fast. As soon as he got close enough, he pulled me into a hug, holding me tighter than he ever had before. I held my breath, but I couldn't keep the smile off of my face.
"Beau!" He said, somehow his arms were getting tighter around me. It made me kinda worried that he'd hurt himself. "You are in so much trouble! Are you ok? Are you hurt?" He asked quickly, shakily, pulling back, his hands on my shoulders as he leaned down to look me in the eye.
"I'm fine. Totally ok… I just kinda got lost," I said with a small bitter chuckle. "I uh… I… I'm sorry," I said, my voice cracking a little. I didn't know vampires could do that - but here we are. "I didn't… I didn't mean to worry you, or.." I said looking back into his terrified eyes. It took my breath away. I've never seen him look more scared.
I don't care anymore. I wrap my arms around him. Hugging him.
Beau! No! My angel screamed - but I didn't listen this time. I was gentle, more than I ever have been before. He hugged me back, just as tight.
I have a choice. I might be dead. I might be a vampire - but I'm not going to hurt anyone… ever. I will end myself before I ever let that happen.
"I'm so… so sorry." I choked out again. It felt like I was hyperventilating, but I knew for a fact that wasn't something I could do anymore.
"No kid. Don't worry about it… you're ok. We're ok." Charlie said gruffly, keeping his words short - like always, trying to be strong for me, but I could still feel it… he was scared. I could tell. Last time this happened, I came back and turned into a living corpse. This time a little more literally.
I could hear his heartbeat racing. I could feel the blood pumping through his body as I held him. I could smell it.
But I didn't care. I was in control. I'm not going to be a monster.