A/N This started as a translation of a story I had written a couple of months ago in Polish, but as I began to translate, new ideas forced me to rewrite some parts and add some new scenes, thus turning one short fic into a multichapter journey. (Don't worry, though, 99% of the story is already written and translated, so this WIP will be finished, I promise).

With huge thanks to i_will_sing_no_requiem (AO3) / i-will-sing-no-requiem (Tumblr) for beta reading.

Kate was standing by the back door of the hangar where the Oceanic Six press conference had just ended, running her fingers across a check for a surprisingly generous amount.

"This should be enough before you decide on your next steps," the Oceanic representative had said. That or some similar nonsense intended to show how the company wanted to take care of them, probably simply afraid that the six survivors would sue them, demanding a sum that would make the amount on the check seem like spare change.

"Before I decide?" Kate repeated ironically in her mind and then snorted quietly, because in her situation, having freedom to decide anything sounded so abstract it was almost absurd.

Aaron seemed to sense her emotions because he moved restlessly in her arms, reminding her that whatever her next steps would be, she had to consider that she no longer could make decisions that would affect only her. Kate immediately put on a smile that was only slightly forced, hugged the boy tighter, and soothingly whispered some words that made little sense. Fortunately though, this was enough. Aaron must have been even more nervous about his new surroundings than she was, but ever since they had left the island, he had been crying surprisingly little, as if he had been afraid to make a sound. He was fidgety but quiet, and Kate once again wondered if this was a normal sign of stress or something that should worry her.

Shortly after reaching the shore, all six of them had been taken to the nearest hospital for a short period of observation (Kate had had to fight the urge to leave as soon as she had been left alone, but the worry for Aaron had already overpowered her need to run, and it had been steadily growing ever since). The doctors had told her that Aaron was the picture of health, especially for a child born on a deserted island in the middle of the ocean. But that hadn't completely quelled her fears, especially since Kate couldn't even count how many times in the last ten days she had become painfully aware of how little she knew about babies.

As usual, she involuntarily started looking around for Jack, who had remained behind, most likely still feeling obliged to answer as many questions as possible, probably even before they were asked. Or maybe he was just afraid that the press would chase down one of the remaining survivors? They had all rehearsed their story over and over again, and besides, each of them—perhaps except Hurley—was a true expert in lies and secrets. However, even though they were back in the civilized world, Jack apparently still had this obsessive need for control dictated by an irrational fear that everything would fall apart as soon as he looked another way.

Kate involuntarily rolled her eyes. She still couldn't see Jack, but unexpectedly, she met Mrs. Shephard's curious gaze. They still hadn't been formally introduced; Jack had been too busy talking to the officials and the press, taking charge and making sure everything went smoothly. Kate quickly turned her head away, not wanting the woman to read anything in her face. Still trying to suppress her irritation, she glanced at the loudest of the groups around her. Hurley and his parents were talking over each other, grinning and waving their hands excitedly, and seeing their joy made Kate feel a little bit of warmth inside. After a moment, she noticed with surprise that Sayid was also with the Reyeses, although keeping slightly to the side and apparently trying to process all the chaos surrounding him. He looked almost as lost as she felt—but at least he wasn't standing alone. (Hurley had probably assumed Jack would take care of Kate and therefore made sure to focus on the only one of the six of them who really didn't have anyone.) Kate swallowed hard and looked at the ground, but just then she felt Aaron grab her hair, and she immediately raised her gaze. She stared at the boy with a tenderness that was new and surprising to her. "You're not alone," she reminded herself. There was someone who needed her much more than Jack. And maybe someone whom she needed more, too?

Sayid, as always displaying that disturbingly reliable sixth sense, suddenly sent her a searching look. Then, almost immediately, he excused himself—which the Reyeses didn't even seem to notice—and started towards her. Kate's first instinct was to use any excuse and walk away, but she scolded herself silently and stood her ground. "It's just Sayid," she reminded herself. He was not a threat, on the contrary, he was in fact one of the few members of their small community whom she trusted without the slightest fear. A murderess and a torturer, what a perfect combination…

"What are you planning to do now?" Sayid's question echoed her own thoughts from just a few moments earlier.

Kate shrugged gently, careful not to disturb Aaron, who had just rested his head on her shoulder.

"I don't know if I'm in any position to make plans," she replied with bitter honesty. "For what I know, I could get arrested at any moment."

In fact, she was surprised that no one had arrested her yet. However, apparently Oceanic's lawyers were quite effective, as so far, she had only been told not to leave the city. It was fine with her, she had already decided that she would not run away anymore. She would face her past with all the consequences, if not for her, then at least for Aaron's sake.

"And I deported," Sayid remarked in his serious tone which made it so hard to tell whether he was joking or not.

"You didn't have a visa before... you know?"

Sayid hesitated for a moment.

"I had… a deal," he finally answered enigmatically. "It has probably expired by now. It doesn't matter, anyway. They have arranged a hotel for us," he suddenly changed the subject. "Sun and her parents will be staying there as well. Hurley is going home with his parents; they invited us too, but I declined. I hope you don't mind. They will need time to themselves. And Jack…" Sayid paused and sent her a questioning glance.

Kate turned her gaze away for a second.

"He and his mom have a lot of catching up to do. He's going to stay with her, at least for a couple of days," she answered, feigning confidence as if Jack had in fact told her any of this—or anything at all. "I guess we can go now, seeing as we're still free." Kate flashed a grin, hoping it would be enough to deceive her opponent (good thing that Sayid wasn't really her opponent, because she knew all too well there was no point trying to deceive him).

To her relief, although Sayid undoubtedly saw through her bluff, he tactfully pretended not to notice.

"Let me take your bag," he simply offered, and, without waiting for Kate's reaction, he grabbed the brand new green holdall and threw it over his shoulder. Most of the bag was taken up by Aaron's layette, another 'gift' from Oceanic, but it had already started to weigh down on her, so she welcomed the gesture with a warm smile, much more genuine than the previous.

"Do you think they tried to contact someone from your family back in Iraq?" Kate asked, when they were already in the taxi, partly out of curiosity and partly to distract her friend and prevent possible questions from him.

Sayid shook his head.

"There is no one to contact."

"You don't have any relatives or friends?" She recalled that Sayid had never mentioned his family, but considering how secretive he was, that didn't necessarily mean anything.

Sayid glanced at the back of the driver's head, as if suspicious that the man was listening to their conversation. Maybe he actually was—Kate couldn't decide whether, if she drove a taxi, she would be curious about the stories emerging from passengers' conversations, or if, on the contrary, she would get so used to hearing all kinds of weird shit she would quickly stop paying any attention to them. However, it soon dawned on her that she was no longer an anonymous passenger. She was one of the Oceanic Six, and it hadn't been even an hour since dozens of cameras had been aimed at her face. There was actually a pretty good chance that the taxi driver knew exactly who he was driving. Sayid must have come to the same conclusion, probably much earlier than her, as usual, so Kate decided to follow his example.

It was at least half an hour later, as Kate was standing in a wide, dimly-lit corridor, waiting for Sayid to open the door to her room (her hands were full of a baby who, after a short nap in the car, had apparently gained new energy), when the answer finally came, unexpected:

"I have a brother."

Kate sent her friend a surprised look, because she had already nearly forgotten about her question. Sayid must have taken her reaction as a sign of encouragement.

"He left Iraq long before me, and he never contacted us again. It is of course possible he has heard about the crash and our return, it seems we are rather famous at the moment…" he stopped and shrugged. It wasn't hard to guess what was on his mind. If his brother wanted to see him, he would have probably already contacted Oceanic.

"My mother is still alive," she replied with honesty that surprised even herself. "I know the people at Oceanic have already called her. The last time I saw her, she was in a hospital, but apparently she's doing better now, so…" Kate really wanted to hold back, but she was tired, stressed, and maybe that was why the words just flew out of her mouth whether she wanted them to or not. "Not that I'm surprised. She tried to get me arrested before. She was probably relieved to hear about the crash. She must be so disappointed now." She bit her lip, because she really didn't mean to go that far with her confession. Damn Sayid and those big dark eyes of his that expressed interest and encouragement but never judgment. "Wanna come in?" she asked him, suddenly realizing that they were still standing in the half-open doorway.

Sayid shook his head and smiled apologetically.

"There is something I need to do." He took just two steps into the room in order to set her bag on the nearest chair, then moved back to the door. "Maybe you need something? For yourself or for Aaron? I will probably pass by some shops."

"No, thanks, I think we're fine". From what she'd seen, Oceanic had made sure they had everything to cover their basic needs at least for the first couple of days, but she still made a mental note to think carefully about what else she might need to take care of Aaron.

"Drop by when you're back, okay?" she asked after a moment of hesitation as she suddenly realized how much she didn't want to be alone. The feeling was completely foreign to her, so she decided to put it down to recent experiences. She hadn't been alone for several months, not really, because even when she'd go for a walk on the beach or to look for fruit in the jungle, she would know that there was a camp full of people always waiting for her. Now, here in Los Angeles, there were not forty but four million people surrounding her, yet still, none of them cared what would happen to her, and she was the one who could only patiently wait for what fate would bring. Kate had always been good at being on her own, but she had never been good at waiting.

Soon after the door closed behind Sayid, Kate forgot about all her problems, as she noticed the bed for the first time. Huge, soft, with snow-white, fresh-smelling bedding, and a large TV on the opposite wall. There was a bathroom, too. So much more luxurious than the one in the bunker. Kate flashed a wide grin as she stood in the middle of the beige-tiled room, already imagining the hot water filling the bathtub. Then, she heard Aaron coo in the room, where she had left him for a second in his new crib. Her smile faded, but only for a moment, because really, how could someone be irritated with such a sweet sound?

It was funny how things had changed, she mused as she took the boy in her arms and walked towards the window to show him the world outside. It had been just a week since she had told Claire that she was unfit to be a mother, which she had wholeheartedly believed to be true. She had been afraid to even stay alone with Aaron for longer than ten minutes. And now? Now, she relished the feel of his weight in her arms, something melted inside her every time he smiled back at her, and she slowly came to the realization that there was nothing she wouldn't do for him. (Was this really the awakening of some sort of maternal instinct that she had never known she possessed… or was it guilt?)

Only when Aaron, clean and with his little belly full, was sleeping soundly in his crib, did Kate finally fill the bathtub and sink into the hot water, sighing with a mixture of pleasure and relief. But of course, even here, back in the real world, things couldn't seem to start going her way. Just when she started to feel that blissful peace wash over her, she heard soft knocking. For a moment, she regretted leaving the bathroom door open, but she wanted to hear what was going on in her room in case Aaron woke up.

"Aaron, damn, they're going to wake my baby up," she suddenly realized and immediately jumped out of the bathtub. She chose to ignore that sarcastic voice in her head that mockingly repeated: "Your baby?"

She grabbed the bathrobe (white and fluffy, something she hadn't worn in what seemed like ages), threw it over her back, already trotting across the room, splashing drops of water everywhere around her, as the knocking became more and more insistent.

She was fully expecting to see the police. It couldn't have been Sayid, after all—he'd know there was a baby that could be sleeping inside, and he would remember not to knock so hard. Policemen, on the other hand, never cared. Maybe that was why she left her bathrobe slightly open (as if that could help her). But when she opened the door and recognized the unexpected guest, she quickly tightened the bathrobe around her and gathered the collar just below her neck.

"Aaron is sleeping," she said quietly, but she immediately knew the excuse wouldn't work.

"I know that once he falls asleep, it's not so easy to wake him up." At least Jack had the decency not to add that he must have known it from Claire herself.

"It worked on the island, doesn't mean it's going to work here." Still, Kate took a step back to let him in. "I had to rock him in my arms for three hours because he refused to sleep in the hotel crib. Besides, he's still not used to wearing clothes and I think they also make him cranky. If you wake him up, I'll never get him to fall asleep again."

She knew she sounded overdramatic, maybe even whiny, and Jack probably could see that, too, especially since he had actually spent more time with Aaron than she ever had. But Kate hoped Jack would get the message that she didn't have the energy to listen to whatever he came to tell her, and that he would at least keep it short. She knew they needed to have this conversation sooner or later, but this wasn't exactly how she imagined it—with water dripping from her hair onto the floor, the bathrobe, thinner than it looked, slowly soaking through, and to make it even worse, Jack staring at her as if he wanted to undress her with his eyes.

She turned away, both flustered and irritated by his look, and pretended to check on Aaron.

"You disappeared so quickly today, I didn't even get the chance to talk to you." Jack followed her, and she heard a hint of reproach in his voice.

"You seemed busy," she replied coolly.

"I'm really sorry." Jack seemed to at least understand he had hurt her.

Kate turned back towards him just in time to see Jack look at her with the all-too-familiar eyes of a puppy whose owner caught him chewing on her Gucci shoe. However, to her surprise, she discovered that this expression was slowly losing its effect on her.

"There's no need to apologize, I'm very happy for you. It must have been great to see your mom again." She meant it, she really did. But at the same time, she knew how much time had passed between their landing in LA and the moment they had finally left the airport, and that Jack hadn't spend more than half of that time catching up with his mother—she had definitely noticed Mrs. Shephard for a couple of times standing alone and looking almost equally lost.

"I wanted to introduce you to each other, but you were already..."

"Like I said, you were busy, and Sayid and I wanted to finally have some peace and quiet." She didn't know why she emphasized their friend's presence like that. It certainly wasn't to arouse jealousy. Perhaps rather to emphasize that she wasn't lonely or desperate for company (because she wasn't, she had Aaron, after all, and that was more than enough).

"It was one hell of a day, wasn't it?" Jack smiled nervously.

Kate knew that he meant the endless conversations with Oceanic's representatives and the press conference. She was also aware that it must have been even harder for Jack than for her; after all, he took almost the entire burden of these confrontations upon himself. But she also remembered something else: how Jack had been constantly hovering over them, controlling their every word and every move. She didn't blame him for it. The amount of responsibility and stress he had had to face had been a sufficient explanation for this near paranoia, and besides, she already knew Jack well enough to understand that it was all because he really cared. Logically, she really shouldn't have blamed him for ignoring her. After all, he had been focused primarily on making sure everything went according to plan and that all six of them played their role to the letter.

However, she had finally realized something else today, something she should have seen a long time ago: for someone like Jack Shephard, she could never be an equal, a partner in its true sense. Jack might not have been a despot in the literal sense, but he had a tendency to draw dangerously close to acting like one. All because in a relationship, as in every other aspect of his life, he was too terrified of giving up control, somehow convinced that his whole world would fall apart the moment he let go even for a fraction of a second. It wasn't that Kate couldn't understand him; in fact, perhaps she understood him all too well. She needed control too, maybe a little less desperately than he did, but still. And that was exactly the problem. No matter how much they loved each other, they would destroy each other in the end.

Moreover, she suspected now that the stronger his feelings, the more Jack would try to put her aside whenever trouble came, because according to him, that would be the only way he would be able to protect her. And while Kate had her demons, too, she was not the Penelope type (the one from mythology—Penelope Widmore was a completely different story), who would calmly sit and wait for her man to return from war.

Kate knew she owed Jack a lot, not just her but their entire little community. There had been times when she had felt so thankful for his company and so drawn towards him and the safety he provided that maybe she would have been willing to accept his savior complex if he would at least let her stand by his side. But now she was starting to realize that she couldn't count even on that. There would always be other problems to fix, some sort of greater good to consider, and sooner or later Jack would again allow himself to be consumed by some self-imposed mission. A mission he wouldn't even want to let her in on, for fear that, as usual, she would stubbornly follow him even against his will. Kate knew she wasn't the most trustworthy person but still, such lack of trust—whether in her loyalty, trustworthiness, or reliability—from someone who claimed to love her… it hurt.

Maybe she would have jumped into that fire that was calling her against all logic, regardless of the risks involved, if it was only her who was in danger of getting burned, but circumstances had changed. She had a child under her care now, and Aaron mattered more than her selfish, illogical desires. "Funny how something like this changes priorities," she thought for the umpteenth time since they had left. It didn't matter that she hadn't been planning on becoming a mother and had become one by accident just a week ago. Or maybe that was the point? No one had made her take Aaron in and start this whole masquerade. She had made the decision to raise Claire's son as her own and make sure he had everything he deserved. She had made the decision to finally stop running, all for his sake, and so now she had to run away one last time.

She knew it was the right thing to do, and she even managed to maintain her composure as she explained it all to Jack. It was only when she closed the door behind him that she realized she was shaking.

"It's the cold," she told herself.

The water in the bathtub had also gone cold, so Kate took off her wet robe, hung it next to her freshly washed clothes (she only had what she had been wearing the moment they were 'saved' by the inhabitants of the little island village they had drifted to, and the one change she had been given afterward), slipped deep under the covers and finally allowed a few tears to fall.