Train of Thought
Chapter 2
What had struck Mike was how fragile Christine and even Katie seemed. Not in terms of weight loss—although they were practically skeletal, more in terms of just not being as mentally strong. When it became obvious that Mike was going to have to spend some time ashore, Tom had said he would look in on Christine and the kids.
Mike knew Tom and knew he would become distracted, so Bacon had promised to make sure they had everything that was needed. He kissed the girls goodbye, gave Peter a high-five and hugged Christine, not knowing what else to do. She hung onto him until he had to let go.
"Hey, I'll be okay. And you and the kids are safe here." Mike assured her.
"I know. I…just didn't want to let you go, I suppose." Christine admitted quietly.
"I'll be back. Don't worry." Mike answered. He kissed Christine's forehead and smiled down at her, knowing she would be nervous for a while. It went against everything she had told him before he had left for the Arctic, but something in her had fractured. For that matter, something had shattered in him too. As he held her, he remembered that last fight before he left for the Arctic.
"I should be back before Thanksgiving." Mike said as he packed his bag.
"So you say." Christine remarked. Usually, she helped him pack, but she was too angry.
"I will get back as quickly as I can. I hate having to break promises I made to the kids too." Mike replied.
"You don't seem to care anymore." Christine answered.
"I do. I just can't help this particular deployment." Mike retorted.
"And the last one, you couldn't help and the next; you won't be able to help. Frankly, I'm getting a bit sick of waiting on you and explaining to the kids. I hate this and I am beginning to hate you!" Christine insisted before leaving the bedroom that they no longer shared.
The conversation had hurt. And maybe that was what was bothering Christine so much. It was one of the last things she had said to him. He kissed the top of her head and nodded at Katie, indicating that he needed to go.
"Come on, Mom. Its okay." Katie said. She put her arm around Christine and Mike kissed the top of her head.
"I'll be back soon." Mike answered. Something about this departure seemed more emotional. Especially with Christine. She caught his hand and pulled him to give him a long kiss. He was receptive.
"I love you." She whispered.
"I love you too. Now I have to go. Katie, please?" Mike asked.
"Mom, its okay. He'll be back." Katie said. She guided Christine away, allowing Mike to slip out. He almost felt badly about it.
It took far longer than Mike planned to get back and things had fallen apart by the time he did. He had to spend time talking Tom off the ledge, make sure the Chandler kids were okay, checking on Kathleen Nolan, and making arrangements for Tex. It was extremely late when he finally stumbled into his quarters. Fortunately, no one woke up until he laid down next to Christine, who immediately stirred.
"Mike?" Christine asked in a sleepy tone.
"Its me. Go back to sleep. We'll talk in the morning." Mike assured her. He kissed her forehead and tucked the blanket around Peter, who was snoring softly. He wrapped his arms around Christine and smiled into her hair.
"You were gone so long. Bacon said things didn't go well but you were okay." Christine remarked.
"I'm glad he checked in on you all. Did Tom?" Mike asked.
"No. Just Bacon and Garnett. What happens now?" Christine asked.
"I honestly don't know. I would imagine I need to find a place to settle you and the kids. A house." Mike said.
"And Peter?" Christine asked, pointing at the little boy that was curled up into a ball beside her.
"Him too. Once settled, we'll start the process of adopting him, I suppose. It shouldn't be too difficult." Mike answered. He really needed to sleep. There were more decisions to make in the morning.
"Thank you, Mike. I know its not what you want. I just hope you can grow to love him." Christine said.
"I will try. Its going to be a busy few years for me. I will sign off on the adoption because I know its important to you and I don't particularly want a little boy to be left alone, but I am not sure how much of a father I can be to him. My own girls aren't going to see much of me, I'm afraid." Mike warned, scared that it would cause an argument.
"I understand." Christine said.
"I will make sure you and the kids are set up well and I will be back when I can be. As much as I am able, I will be there. As much as I can, you all won't want for anything." Mike said.
"I understand. We'll figure it out." Christine remarked.
"Get some rest. There is literally nothing I can do tonight other then rest. Its been exhausting." Mike replied.
"Sleep, my love." Christine answered as she cuddled close. It was exactly the opposite to how she acted before he left for the Arctic. Maybe because he was receptive to adopting Peter?
Mike knew he wouldn't be any sort of husband or father. To keep Christine happy, he would sign the dotted line on the adoption, even though he probably would never bond with Peter. He would barely be able to be a father to Katie and Hannah. It tore him up, of course. He loved his daughters and he would love to love Peter, but all he could do was provide them a decent home.
Christine fell asleep and Mike was so tired that he was struggling and fighting his sleep. He dozed off and on, and when he woke up, Christine was not in the bed, but Peter had curled up next to Mike. Essentially, Mike was willing himself not to bond with the little boy. Partly because of Lucas but partly because Mike didn't want for Peter to get attached and just not have Mike in his life most of the time. It was going to be hard enough with the girls. But, there was just something about having the little boy curled into a tiny ball next to him.
"What time is it?" Mike asked, no one in particular.
"Five am. I just had to go to the bathroom and Peter took my spot. Do you need to leave just yet?" Christine asked.
"Not yet." Mike answered.
"Do you want me to move him?" Christine asked.
"Nah. Just climb back in next to him. Why disturb him?" Mike remarked. Christine nodded in response and very gently climbed back in next to Peter.
"He's such a sweet little guy. His parents weren't great, even before they died but he is a good little one." Christine said.
"Why's that?" Mike asked. Christine gently lifted Peter's pajama shirt and showed Mike some scars on the little boy's back. They looked like cigarette burns that were long healed. "His mom?" Mike asked.
"His dad. His mom didn't know how to stop it. She was addicted to God only knows what. But, she was pretty insistent I take Peter before she died." Christine answered.
"I see." Mike replied. In his sleep, Peter curled up that much closer to Mike. Since he still had some time before his alarm went off, he pulled the blankets over Christine and Peter and threw an arm around them both.
Rather Mike liked it or not, he was going to become attached to Peter. He just had to wonder how wise it was, knowing he was going to be gone more then home. And then there was the question of his marriage, which had been in tatters before.