Weird
Alpha_Rho
Summary:
Sean's ready for the big party that will (hopefully) change his teenage life! If only his little brother wasn't acting so weird...
Chapter 1: Denial
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
This was gonna be so cool! No, better yet, awesome!
In the small time between grabbing the doorknob and actually opening the door, Sean realized that it was probably gonna be the exact opposite. He was lame, his moves were lame, and Jenn was anything but lame. He will only make a fool of himself. And die a virgin.
No. This was his moment. Better do what Lyla reminded him to. Only then will he allow himself some time to be insecure and moody.
The plan sounded great.
He found Dad and the little weirdo in the living room. He'd normally be little brat, enano or some other name along those lines... normally.
There was something off about him lately... although Sean couldn't quite place what exactly was weirding him out. Maybe the fact he started doing his own chores without ever complaining about it... and then Sean's, and not because he'd asked him to. Maybe the fact he was getting straight As in all of his classes... or that he stopped acting like an entitled nine year old. When Sean had looked him in the eyes, recently... he saw so much maturity (and sadness).
Or maybe...
"Looks like this is the last Chock-O-Crisp, Daniel. Sean, why don't you come and judge..."
"You can have it Dad." He said, as happy as he'd ever seen him. "You're the best father in the world, you deserve it."
... this. He was usually clingy and whiny, but now... he was constantly praising both him and their Dad, saying how much he valued them and shit like that.
He was probably either planning one of his stupid schemes or he was gonna ask for something expensive. Maybe the newest Playbox? That had to be it.
Well played, enano. Dad had stars in his eyes when he looked at him.
"Oh, Danielito..."
He had always hated the nickname! And now he was beaming as if it had been a compliment or something.
"... you're the best son in the world, too. You should have it."
Daniel snatched the cereal bar and started eating it at the speed of light. Just a ploy to get Dad to do whatever he wanted, Sean was sure of it.
"I thought I was the best son in the world."
"You're the best on the weekends." His father answered. "Daniel's got the week days."
"But I'm almost always out on the weekends..."
"That's why you become the best then." Dad chuckled.
Daniel, done with his prey (and he didn't even leave a mess behind him!), went on to hug him too.
"I couldn't ask for a better brother. I missed you."
Sean was getting more and more sure by the minute that this was a farce. He was just gonna ask for something really big.
He noticed his Dad staring at him and motioning towards his little brother, who was clinging to his waist.
Fine.
He hugged him back, then ruffled his hair.
"I like you too, enano. You know that."
"Say it again, Sean!"
"You're getting way too... sappy. Come on..." Sean gently pushed him away. He relented.
"Ok." His smile was unwavering. It would almost look creepy, if it wasn't so... sincere.
"This old man is really glad you two are getting along so well. Come down to talk to me before you go out, Sean."
"Sure, Papi."
He'd gotten everything he needed... and he didn't know why, but he felt a need to check every corner of his home, almost as if he didn't know it like the palm of his hands. That were probably his nerves.
Practicing in front of the mirror didn't make the situation any better. Yeah, he definitely was a loser.
Those condoms were just wishful thinking.
At least Dad had rewarded his honesty, and then some. He really was the best father in the world. He'd scored extra points for keeping Daniel happy... even if he didn't do anything.
A small chat with Lyla before leaving would surely cheer him up.
"Hi, Daniel!"
"What..."
Sean turned around to see his little brother sneaking into his room.
"Hi Lyla! Nice to see you!"
"Daniel. How many times do I have to tell you to knock when..."
"Sean, leave him alone."
"He's always pestering me!" Sean adressed him now. "What do you want?"
Daniel just hugged him. As he was sitting, this time it was a proper hug.
"I wanted to tell you I love you!' Daniel put on his best puppy eyes.
"Aw..." Lyla exclaimed.
"What's up with you lately, anyways? Why so affectionate, all of a sudden?"
"I..." He looked like he was trying to find the right words. "... what if we're separated, and the last thing you remember is us fighting?"
Those weren't a normal nine year old's thoughts.
"Uhm... Lyla, could you wait a moment?"
"I'm going to get ready, Sean. Don't be late!"
"No, I won't."
Lyla ended the call.
"Enano, is everything alright? Did something happen at school?"
"Nothing." He said, happily. "I've been behaving, too!"
"That's good. Did the other kids... upset you? Did you fight with Noah? You can always fix that, you only need to..."
"No, nothing happened. I swear." He put his hand on his heart to emphasize.
"Are you sure? You can always tell us, me or Dad. We will help you..."
"I simply can't believe..." His voice lowered. "... how lucky I am. To have you both." The last part was muffled by him pressing his face against Sean's chest.
"No one's going to separate us, you know that, right?" Sean tried to uplift him.
"Yes. No one." He had a toothy grin... not a big smile, more like a predator ready to bite your face off. If he wasn't just his little brother, Sean could almost find it scary.
"What made you think that, enano? That's..."
"I'm gonna go work on my costume! I'll be a perfect zombie, this time!" Daniel ignored him and resumed speaking with his usual chipper tone.
This time? He had never done something like that before.
"Stay safe at the party, Sean!"
What... he couldn't mean...
But he ran back to his room and closed himself inside before Sean could add anything else.
Whatever. Maybe he'll check on him tomorrow. Is he hanging out with someone older? That was a possibility.
He called Lyla back.
"You didn't bully him, I hope."
"I never bully him..."
Lyla gave him a glare.
"... rarely. But I didn't this time. He's just been acting... weird."
"Weird as in he's a kid and looks up to his older brother?"
"No, that's normal Daniel. It's not a single thing, but... I don't know. He's saying strange stuff. Maybe he's simply growing up."
"Hormones? Isn't he a little too young?"
"When I was his age I wasn't always on my best behaviour, that's for sure." At his age, he'd been busy dealing with a newborn brother and a missing... parent.
Sean looked over the laptop to see Daniel in their frontyard. Maybe he's finally playing around like a kid his age should.
"Anyways. You think I have a chance? Perhaps I shouldn't come. What if I make a fool of myself and Jenn doesn't want to speak to me anymore?"
"Don't you dare bail out, Diaz."
"And what if..."
"Live a little, goddamit!"
He heard shouting from outside. Was that Brett? He must be bothering someone then. That's his favorite hobby.
"Fine. But if everything goes to shit, I..."
He heard another voice from outside. That was Daniel he was shouting to. Fuck. He needed to help him.
"... wait a minute." He got up and hurried outside.
"Where are you going? Sean?"
"You think you can do everything you want in our country, uh?"
That was Brett alright. His clothes had been splashed with some... very realistic blood. Daniel had done a superb job, apparently. He chose the wrong target, though.
"Yes. Got any problem with that... little cunt?"
What...? Where did he learn that? And why was he picking a fight? No matter, he was gonna rescue his brother.
"What did you call me?"
"Leave him alone!"
"Oh, Sean. You didn't need to come." Daniel said in a reassuring voice. Despite having someone twice his size angrily shouting at him, he looked the happiest he'd seen him in a while.
"Of course I do." Sean turned to his asshole neighbor. "What did he do?"
"Can't you see this mess? He threw fake fucking blood on me! And did you hear how he called me?"
Sean had to defuse the situation. They had to live next door to those assholes, like it or not.
"Daniel, get behind me." But he didn't move an inch. Sean was really beginning to lose his patience. "Is that true? Did you do it on purpose?"
Daniel shrugged.
"Of course he did. That's what happens when a whore like your mother has children with a parasite!"
Sean saw red. Nevermind defusing. This will stop, now. No more petty insults and namecalling. He charged at the bastard and got him down to the ground.
Not feeling so tough now, uh?
Brett groaned and didn't get up. Sean noticed he had landed with his back on a rock. Ouch. That had to hurt. Hopefully no permanent damage was done. Now...
"Police! Get your hands up! What is happening here?" A young cop appeared out of nowhere. He must have heard all that commotion. And he had already drawn his gun.
Shit. Sean immediately complied: this guy looked ready to shoot at anything that moved. All the horror stories he'd heard about police abuse flashed before his eyes.
His father emerged from his workshop before he could explain what was going on. Terrible timing.
"Officer!" He started sprinting towards them.
The cop pointed the gun at his dad. It was more of a knee-jerk reflex than anything else. His father didn't have the time to stop.
Sean closed his eyes. He couldn't look. He could only scream, waiting for the inevitable tragedy.
But no gunshot ever came.
Notes:
So... I wanted to try my own version of a fix-it fic! The game is so freaking depressing... our boys deserve a little happiness... with a few tweaks, of course.
Feel free to leave a comment if you liked where this is going.
Chapter 2: Anger
Chapter Text
Sean opened his eyes.
Everyone was still there, alive.
The cop wasn't pointing his gun at his dad anymore. He moved it away in a robotic manner. His movements were rigid and unnatural, like a marionette being pulled by its strings, not a human acting of his own will.
His heart was beating so loud, it was the only sound he could hear.
What was this bastard doing?
He wanted to run (that's what he did best, wasn't it?), but he was frozen to the spot. This asshole still had a gun, after all. No sudden movements, or they could all end up dead.
He looked down to see if Daniel was still standing by his side and to make sure he was safe... as safe as he could be, given the situation.
His expression...
Sean couldn't find the words to describe it.
Manic. Furious.
It was caused by the shock, for sure, but... he looked... like a monster. A cold shiver ran across his back... this was almost as scary as seeing the empty barrel of that gun pointed to his face.
The cop slowly opened his mouth and put the weapon inside it.
Better him than Dad. Sean immediately felt ashamed for thinking something like that. It was still a person, right?
"Don't do it, please!" He had to try at least. Dad fought the shock off and echoed his sentiment.
The policeman had tears in his eyes. What the fuck was happening?
For a moment, his muscles relaxed, as if whatever had been moving him stopped.
"Please..." He mumbled with the weapon still in his mouth.
Then, the shot.
Brett was the first to scream. Sean saw a darker spot on his trousers at the height of his groin, a puddle forming below him. He couldn't even find that funny.
Sean could only stare, eyes wide and face pale, at the blood splattered everywhere. His ears were ringing, the gunshot was deafening. He could hardly make out his father also screaming something. The smell of gunpowder lingered in the air, along with the smell of blood. Some had landed on his hands and shoes. Most of it was on rhe ground... and on Brett. Now he really looked like the victim of a zombie.
Zombie... Daniel.
He hadn't moved an inch. He was looking intently at the body... the hole in the back of that guy's head... the brains splattered around... were that brains? Was this what we look like on the inside? A mix of reds and whites and yellows. It was revolting... but he couldn't look away. Like when you see a carcrash.
He shouldn't be seeing this. Neither should Daniel, but that's a whole other can of worms.
"Daniel, get in!"
"What was that, Sean? Why did he do it?" He asked with the most neutral tone possible. He must be shocked. Some people go in a complete shut down after experiencing trauma, right? He read it somewhere. But then, why did it feel like there was some... sarcasm in his words?
"Get inside, both of you." Their father directed them, then rushed to Brett's side to help him.
Sean took his brother by the hand and dragged him home.
"Daniel, what you just saw..."
"Can I play on the Playbox with Noah?" He had the angelic tone he'd been using lately.
"Sure..." Sean stuttered. He couldn't help himself, how could he help his little brother?
He ran to the bathroom, closed the door.
He threw up everything he'd eaten in the last week, or that's how it felt anyways. He flushed the toilet.
He got up to the sink, washed his mouth and then his hands. God, it was so hard to get that shit off... the basin was painted red. He made sure everything was normal and somewhat clean, and got out.
He kicked the bloodied shoes by the door, then sat on the couch next to Daniel, speechless. His brother kept playing as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
Other cops came. They interrogated him. Brett. Then Dad. They pressed his father for an hour or so, maybe more. Sean couldn't even tell the passage of time anymore. Racist pricks, they were probably trying to find a culprit for their colleague's madness. To his utmost surprise, Brett had testified to what happened... and told the truth.
He was unrecognizable. Sean would say he'd gotten twenty years older, going by his expression. He didn't hear him utter a single slur or snappy comment.
It felt surreal.
Everything felt surreal.
Their stories perfectly aligned, though. So it should be a matter of time before they let Dad come back... so they could pick up the pieces together.
Sean stared even harder at the ceiling.
The party... God, Jenn will think he's a fucking loser, standing her up like that. He hoped news of what happened reached her. He didn't have the strength to text anyone, except Lyla.
He needed someone to ground him. She was the best choice, obviously. She always knew what to say.
Daniel...
He'd left him in their living room, in front of the Playbox. He hoped that could distract him from the trauma... was he still there?
Sean gathered all his remaining strenght, got out of his room and looked around for him. Yup, still there. Still screaming to Noah... four hours later. No worse for wear.
He was obviously under shock. He should talk to him.
"Enano..."
"Sean! Look at what we were building in Minecraft! Doesn't it..."
"Maybe you should let Noah rest, ok?"
Daniel pouted.
"Danny..."
"Fine! Noah, see you tomorrow, alright?"
Some answer came through the mic, then Daniel took his headphones off.
"What is it, bro?"
Since when did he speak like that?
"Daniel..." Sean sat next to him.
He put one of his hands on top of his brother's, and the controller. The blood... it took some time to scrub that off. He still felt nauseous. He felt responsible... without any good reason why.
"Yes, Sean? You can tell me anything!"
What... what was he even saying? This was all fucked up... but then... what they just saw...
"What happened out there..."
"Yes?" Daniel was still mostly concerned with choosing which videogame to play.
"Do you... wanna talk about it?"
"If you want to, Sean. I'm here for you!"
No... no. This was all wrong. Why wasn't he acting like... the child he was? Was his nine year old brother trying to make him feel better? It didn't make sense.
"Daniel, if you feel scared, that's perfectly normal. If you feel weird..."
"I'm just happy you and Dad are fine. Brett didn't look so tough anymore, uh? Did you see he pissed himself? Little bitch."
"Yeah..." What was that? "What did you say?"
"I said I'm glad my family is safe. I love you guys so much! I really don't know what I'd do without either of you." Now he sounded more like his normal self... except... Sean was more and more sure there was some hidden joke in his brother's words. A joke he couldn't quite get, though.
Daniel stopped looking at the console and hugged him. He reciprocated. Maybe he's just hearing things. He was under shock too, right?
That must be it. It's all in his head. But they were safe and that nightmare was over.
He relaxed, sat there and watched his innocent little brother play.
Lyla mercifully came.
"Sean! Daniel! Are you guys okay?"
"Lyla!" He hugged her. A sob came out of his lips. He tried to reel it in.
"Sean, what the..." She looked at his little brother and remembered to tone her language down. "... hell, happened here? You guys were on the news, there were cops everywhere..."
"I don't know! Daniel fought with Brett..."
"Because he was being a cunt!" Daniel said, his voice almost drowned by the game he was playing. Again, as if nothing changed. He looked happy.
"Exactly."
That wasn't right...
He and his best friend looked into each other's eyes.
"Did he..."
"I don't know!" Sean lowered his voice. "He's... creeping me out!"
"He is? Daniel's a kid, Sean, and he just saw... what exactly?"
"A cop came. He was about to shoot Dad..." Lyla gasped. "... but he stopped. He put the gun in his mouth and..." He stopped there. No need for further explainations. He didn't want to relive it once more. Even if that image was gonna be seared into his brain till the day he died.
"He's probably traumatised. You must be too. Leave him be. We'll find who taught him swear words later. Maybe he heard them from your lovely neighbor."
"You're right. You always are." Sean let himself go.
He didn't remember if someone ever saw him cry. Last time was when... she left. He promised himself to save his tears for something that was worth them. Today should qualify.
"I'm here. Everything is gonna be fine."
"Children..." Esteban's voice startled them. "... are you ok?" They both nodded. Daniel went to hug their Dad, and he took him up in his arms. "Hello, ms Park."
Lyla awkwardly waved at him. She was so cute when she was shy and not her usual mouthy self... not that he'd ever tell her.
"We're... fine. Dad, what was that?"
"I... would really like to know, Seanie-boy."
"I thought that pig was gonna... I thought that I'd lost you."
Dad just nodded. "Now I know they aren't lying when they say you see your whole life flash before your eyes, son."
"That piece of shit could have taken you away! Or me! Or Danny..." Fuck, he swore. Dad gave him a pass, fortunately.
"Sean... there are so many people in this world... not all of them are happy, nor do they see the world like us... that policeman... he must've had some demons inside him. We should pity him. Pray for him."
"I'm just glad we're all safe and sound! Sean, weren't you going to a party?" Little weirdo shouted as he held his arms around Dad's chest.
"I just wanna throw up again... and rest. I'll party another time."
"Want some company?" Lyla offered.
"Yes... please." He must be sounding like the least masculine man that ever lived.
"Sean..." His dad also looked a decade older. "... don't do anything stupid, alright?"
Sean could only nod.
He closed the door. Lyla stared at him.
"Wow... you could have come up with way less of an excuse to ditch Jenn..."
They laughed. Some things never change. Luckily.
"Wanna... smoke something?"
"Thought you'd never ask."
They were both high. He let his thoughts freely flow out of his mind. "I still feel his blood on my hands."
"That's so weird."
"Yup..."
"You didn't do anything to him, Sean. Crazy people exist."
"I know. It's just a matter of... forgetting that scene. But..."
"But?"
"Daniel."
"What about him? He's probably dealing with it way worse than you are."
"I know, I know..."
"Then what about him?"
Everything had calmed down by now. He did, at least. He should manage to express his worries in a comprehensible way.
"He's not acting his age. He's not acting like a human either! During that ordeal... I swear I saw him smiling! He didn't even bat an eye. He went back to play like nothing ever happened."
"He was normal while I was here. Except for the swearing."
"Yeah. That's a thing too, now. I don't know what to do..."
"You should just... let everything settle down. Than talk to him. You know he loves you more than anything in the world. He'll tell you what's up."
"You're right."
"As always."
"I'm sorry you lost the party cause of me."
"Shut up! I wasn't joking when I asked if we'd be best friends forever. You aren't getting rid of me so easily."
Sean couldn't sleep. Kindred Matthews. What a weird name. What an unforgettable name, for more than one reason.
He tossed away his sheet.
He sure as hell wasn't going to school tomorrow. Might as well find something to do, other than feeling weird and miserable.
He got up, opened his door and went straight for the kitchen.
The lights were already on. Dad was up, sitting at the kitchen counter. He was drinking a beer.
"Oh, Sean. You almost scared me." He didn't sound startled though, rather... defeated.
"Pa..." Sean sat next to him.
His dad gestured to another beer can, untouched.
"You sure? Kids under legal age shouldn't drink..."
"Is this really the time to be a smartass, Sean?"
Point taken. Sean opened the can and took a sip.
"Are you alright, Papi?"
"I should be asking you that, son."
"That cop... I thought he was gonna shoot you." His blood went cold just from him reliving the memory.
"I wasn't scared for my life. I've lived... all in all, a good life. But what would have happened to you two without me?"
"I don't even wanna think about it."
"Me neither."
Dad finished his can, then opened another. "You know, Sean..."
"Yes?"
"I came here... hoping to... never see such things again. Random acts of violence. Cruelty. Bloodshed. I loved my country, I really did. But it was no place to raise kids. I hoped I could spare you two from this. Now I feel... like I failed."
"That's not true! Daniel wasn't lying, you are the best dad in the world! And none of this was your fault."
Some color returned to his cheeks. "Thank you, mijo." He pat him on the shoulder.
"Speaking of Daniel..."
Dad looked like he was weighing his words. "Did you... notice it too?"
"It's kinda hard not to, Papi."
His father nodded. "It feels like he grew up overnight. It's almost like I have an adult son now."
"Doesn't it... make you feel weird?"
"A little. But, Sean..."
Here it comes. The responsible brother lecture.
"... you know he looks up to you."
"I guess."
"And you've been so busy recently."
"Well, what does that have to do with him?"
"Maybe he just misses his older brother. You should try and talk to him."
"Lyla said the same."
"She's a smart girl. I wouldn't mind her as a daughter-in-law, one day."
"I agree. Wait... what?"
"Nothing, Seanie-boy. Just an old man's ramblings." His father clapped him on his back. "I'm gonna go sleep now. You two can have a day off school tomorrow. Bond with him, okay? Find what's troubling him."
"Sure, Dad."
"And go easy with the weed. I still know what it smells like, just so you know."
He had a mission now, whether he liked it or not. And he'd been given a free pass on basically everything, so he had to put some effort to reciprocate.
Sean woke up. He stretched his limbs, then got off the bed. A good night's sleep is the best medicine. Yesterday's horror seemed so far away...
No school today. Dad was right, he needed to sleep on it. It helped him put everything into perspective: Daniel probably had befriended some older kids. His odd behaviour surely stemmed from that. And what happened yesterday was just an unfortunate incident. They were merely the unlucky witnesses.
He had about a hundred unread messages on his phone. Must be his friends wondering where he'd ended up. Or maybe they heard what happened. Anyway, he'd deal with that later.
Dad had already left for work. That meant he was alone with the little rascal. He supposed he could make him breakfast, even if he didn't deserve it. At least, he usually didn't. But this was Daniel 2.0 they were talking about.
"Daniel! Breakfast's ready!"
He was there in less than a second.
"Thank you Sean. I love you so much." He could swear Daniel had hearts in his eyes... and he was damn hungry. After all, he was a boy in the middle of growing up.
"How are you feeling, enano? Yesterday was... quite eventful."
Daniel did... something. Like he flipped a switch. A moment ago he was in his adoring little brother persona, now he had glassy eyes and a look of despair.
"Sean... I feel... like... Someone's gonna come and get me! Like I'm not safe here."
"It's normal to feel this way. Give it a little time and..."
"No, brother. I need to get away from here. Now! Please..."
Not the pouty face...
"Where would you wanna go, little menace?"
"Actually, I had a place in mind..."
Chapter 3: Anger (part two)
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Sean didn't remember exactly how they ended up there, or rather, he tried not to. Fucking Mount Rainier's fucking National Park.
He'd normally enjoy a good hike... if he hadn't just experienced the most traumatic event of his sixteen years of life a couple days prior. And there he was, thinking Karen leaving was gonna be the worst thing he'd ever have to live through. All he'd wanted after the shooting was to go back to his routine and pretend nothing ever happened. Even a shift at the Z-mart would be fine. He could at least get his mind off of... the blood, the sounds, the interrogation, everything.
Instead they found themselves in this park, in the middle of nowhere. To camp.
Daniel had bitched, and moaned, and whined that he wanted to get out of the house until their father finally conceded and brought them... there. Daniel said one of his school friends had been around these parts and found the place wonderful, or something. It was... okay. Sean still didn't see anything so exceptional. And he was almost sure the "friend" Daniel talked about didn't exist. There was no Vic in his class.
Sean sighed. The good thing was that his brother had started again being his normal, whiny self. They still hadn't had the heart-to-heart his father hoped for. Maybe this little impromptu trip would be the perfect occasion.
He looked at his family. His father had been showing Daniel how to read trail blazing signs. He seemed very interested and...
"Sean has already told me everything about them, Dad!"
No... no, he didn't. He was a little too young to be forgetting stuff like that. They had never spoken about that particular topic, he was sure of it.
"We should do this more often! Don't you agree, Sean?"
"Sure, enano."
They were on the Trout Spring trail... the specific place Daniel wanted to reach. Sean was just hoping they wouldn't meet any bears. He'd read the signs. And saw some claw marks on a tree. Fuck.
He didn't even have the time to admire the scenery, because Daniel was marching forward without any hesitation, their dad following close behind him to make sure he was safe (he was in full papa wolf mode... had been since that day). Either Daniel had instantly mastered reading trail signs (difficult to believe given he usually had a hard time concentrating) or... he already knew where to go.
Still not completely normal then.
Sean had seen some sort of bathroom along the way. He used that as an excuse to stop.
Once inside, he immediately regretted it. Nasty. Good thing he was a guy, uh?
He called Lyla.
"Mexico to Seattle. Do you copy?"
"Affirmative, Mexico."
They laughed.
"It's amazing there's some sort of reception here."
"Where exactly are you guys?"
"Mount Rainier." Sean rolled his eyes.
"Sounds... very cool."
"It totally is. We might even get mauled by a bear if we're lucky!"
"Still better than school, to be honest."
"That's true." He zipped up his pants and flushed the toilet.
"Were you pissing while talking to me?"
"Maybe. Wish you were here?"
"Totally. To slap you."
"Kinky. Did I miss anything in these couple of days?"
"Well... no, not really." Her hesitation usually meant one thing.
"Come on, I know when you're lying. Spit it out."
"I think Jenn's started seeing Derek Anderson. I'm sorry Sean."
"Oh." He'd expected that. Jenn was way too cool for him, and he blew his only chance. It was natural. "I see."
"Sorry, chico."
"It's not your fault."
"How's my favorite Diaz doing? Still up with strange and mysterious stuff?"
"Yup. Saying we talked about things we never talked about is strange enough for you? And it looks like he's already been here."
"But... that's impossible, right?"
"Exactly."
"Have you talked with him?"
"Not yet... I'm working on it."
"Sean, he's a kid. You should be able to work out any kind of problem affecting him."
"You're right. Maybe I should do it now. He's always more talkative when he's happy."
When he found them, Dad was busy setting up a tent, while Daniel was skipping rocks by the river.
"Nice throw, mijo." It really was. The rock kept bouncing on and on, almost as if a mysterious force was moving it.
"Sean taught me how to throw it like that!"
What the hell?
"Sean, you're back. I didn't know you two were that good at skipping rocks." He chuckled.
"Me neither, Pa."
Leaving his father to the tent, Sean went to sit next to Daniel.
"Enano..."
"Yeah, Sean?"
Even as Daniel was distracted by him, another rock (not even the correct type: it wasn't smooth and flat) flew from the ground to the water, bouncing a good eight times before suddenly dropping.
"What... Daniel, what was that?"
He did his most innocent look. "What are you talking about, Sean? I was just skipping rocks. You taught me."
Was he... mocking him?
"I saw one of them fly!"
"Are you high, brother? You know, you smoking that stuff has dad worried sick!"
"And since when do you know about weed?"
"Oh, you showed me everything about that too."
Again with that look... he was a wolf, about to jump on his prey and ready to tear it apart, one bite at a time. And he was said prey. Sean shuddered.
"What the fuck are you talking about? I never did any of those things!" He had raised his voice... shit! Their father sent them... well, him, a dirty look.
Daniel went back to jovial kid and happily waved at dad.
"Smile Sean, Dad's looking. You don't want to make him even more apprehensive than he already is, do you?"
Sean did what he said. Dad didn't pay them any mind after that.
"He's always worrying... he's ready to come and save us anytime! Even if we don't deserve it. One of these days it might kill him."
Again, there was some sort of irony he didn't get. Unless... he was referring to the other day's events. Where did all this... cynicism and bitterness come from?
"You'd be forced to take care of me all the time if he were gone... a real nightmare, uh?"
His cute, innocent nine year old brother was utterly annihilating him... verbally, for now. And what was up with those rocks?
He had to take back the reins of the situation now, and demand some explaination.
"Daniel, I'm sorry I swore at you. Could you please explain what is going on with you? Why are you... acting like this?"
Daniel gave him that awful smile again. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." He said in a singsongy tone. "There. Now we're even with the swearing."
"Ok, that's enough. I'm telling Dad everything. I don't know what else I can do."
"And I'll deny it. Who do you think he'll believe, Seanie-boy?"
If there ever was a doubt he was being viciously mocked... But why? What was the meaning of this? Why was Daniel... hurting him?
Sean got up and paced around. What to do? He was clearly upset with something... and blaming him. Maybe some brotherly love was in order.
He put a hand on Daniel's back, but before he could utter a single word his brother jerked away like he'd hurt him... and a strange choking sensation stopped him from communicating. Like there was something heavy pressed against his throat.
"Sean!" Daniel relaxed. That strange feeling ended. "Don't sneak up on me like that!"
"Sorry, enano." This time he kneeled down, to be eye level with him. "And sorry for... I don't know what I did to anger you. But I hope you'll forgive me."
"It's whatever. Don't think about it too much." Daniel looked done with the conversation, but he had to insist.
"It is important if it's bothering you. You know I love you more than anything in the world, don't you?"
In an instant, that primal rage came back, even stronger than before. "You're always saying shit like that!" He growled (without actually screaming, leaving their father blissfully unaware).
He was pushed back and landed ungracefully on his ass. But Daniel didn't even touch him...
"And then the one time... the one time I need you the most, the one time where you should keep all of your promises... you fucking back down! You're a coward! A traitor!"
Whatever those masks he'd been wearing were, they fell down. This was the real Daniel. Eyes glassy and red in the face. The most heartbreaking mix of wrath and sadness Sean had ever seen. It was his little brother they were talking about... and he was the one to blame, apparently.
But why? Sean was at a loss... what did he do to make him feel like this?
"I..." Daniel jabbed a finger between his ribs. "... loved you more than anything. I always looked up to you! And then you just gave up on me. On us." He sobbed.
"Danny..."
He wiped a stray tear from his eye. "You left me all alone." Without adding another word, he turned back towards the river.
"I'm sorry."
Daniel had the most neutral expression he'd ever seen. He barely even looked human.
"Don't be. It's alright. I've got a couple of things to fix, then you won't see anything strange ever again. I'll act like a kid once more. Please, never mention to anyone this fight that we had."
That said, he threw the last rock in the water, got up and joined their dad, leaving Sean alone, confused and heartbroken.
Notes:
Initially I wanted to do just one chapter per stage of grief but then... as usual, I started having so much fun writing this I decided to expand it, lol.
Daniel is a cute little ball of earth-shattering anger.
Chapter 4: Bargaining
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"I have to say, your brother wasn't wrong, Sean. We needed to get out of that house."
"Sure, Dad." Sean gave his father the last of their camping supplies. He was only half paying attention. He'd been really zoned out since... that fight with his brother. The worst part was Sean couldn't even remotely understand what the hell he'd been talking about. He'd been racking his mind trying to find out the meaning of all that. But he came up with nothing.
"And to have some family time." He loaded it on the car. "Don't you agree?"
"Kinda." Even if begrudgingly, he had to admit it had been fun. Except for the part where he got lambasted by his little brother for something he didn't do... probably. It still hurt hearing those words, although Sean had to remind himself Daniel was still a kid who was most likely overreacting to... something. Needless to say, he was very frustrated. He'd like to at least know what he was being accused of.
"Did you two..." Dad looked in Daniel's direction. Sean followed his gaze. He was picking berries from a bush and eating them... as if he were starving and didn't have breakfast just an hour before. "... have a chat?"
"Kinda."
"You're a man of many words, my son."
"We did talk. But he only said he's... angry with me about something and won't tell me what or why. It's ridiculous. How am I supposed to do something about it if I don't know it?"
"Sean... he's still nine and just lived through something traumatic. It's normal for him to be unreasonable. Even teens sometimes are." His father shot him a poignant look.
"Whatever. Aren't you worried he's, like, eating stuff we don't know the danger of? It may be poisonous."
"He told me you..."
"All these things he says I did... they're false. Every one of them."
Dad lost his cheerful expression. "Are you sure about it?"
Sean nodded. "I think he's been hanging around someone older... and they're not a good influence, that's for sure. He started swearing a lot... and he didn't hear them from me! Most of them, anyways..."
"It could be a possibility. We should..."
"Are we going? I'm getting bored!"
"Sure, mijo. We were just readying the last of our stuff. Did you two make sure you got everything?"
"Yup."
"Good."
Just a few minutes of peace, before another storm hit.
"Oh, Dad! There's a gas station nearby! We should get there. They sell some really cool souvenirs... can we go there? Please."
"What kind of souvenirs are there?"
"Wooden bears. They're awesome. Bears are like, my second favorite animal!"
"Who's the first?" Sean was actually curious.
"Wolves, duh." He first looked at Sean's wolf squad hoodie, then gave him the "Are you stupid?" expression. "And dogs. But they're the same, aren't they?"
"I guess. Who told you about these... wooden bears?"
"Vic, of course. He bought one and showed it to me. That's why I know I need one of those."
"This guy... did you meet him at school?" Dad asked him.
"Yes." He stopped looking in Dad's eyes, which was the tell-tale sign of him lying. Sean hoped their father noticed.
"None of your classmates are named Vic."
"I know that, Sean. We just go to the same school." Lying again.
"And how old is he?"
"A couple years older than me, I think." This time he was truthful. Thank God, he wasn't hanging out with some creepy adult. Probably just an unruly middle schooler.
"Can we stop asking questions and go there, please?" He went back to cute kid in an instant.
"What do you think, Sean? Want to stop there?"
"Please, please! I'll behave. I'll do everything you want."
Fine, as much as he was hurt by his words, he still couldn't say no to that face. "Alright."
As soon as the car stopped, Daniel bolted out and disappeared into the station.
"Well, he's passionate... about wooden bears."
"Told you he was hanging with some bad influences."
"Looks like you're right, son. We'll adress that when we get home. Now let's make sure he doesn't break anything inside there."
Sean looked at the... Halloween decorations... well, they tried. Truth be told, he wasn't much in the mood for that holiday. He already had his fill of spooks.
He stopped to look at some flyers next to the station's entrance. "Dad, what about a Spanish course? We could learn to order nachos and cervezas."
His dad snorted. "We should teach your brother some Spanish, though."
"I thought you already did... I heard him speaking it... fluently."
They looked at each other. Dad just shook his head and got in.
Fine, then. This Víctor was a bad and Hispanic influence.
When Sean entered, Daniel was just getting his second PowerBear plush from a claw machine. It wasn't surprising that that caught his attention first, but...
Wow.
Since when did he become a pro?
"Look at what I got, Dad! Aren't they cool?"
"Yes, Daniel. Did Sean teach you to play with that too?"
"Oh, no. I'm a natural!" Daniel flexed his imaginary muscles. He soon sprinted off to somewhere else in the store.
While dad struck up conversation with some strange dude who was browsing the internet on his laptop (... was that porn?), Sean made small talk with the cashier, Doris. Apparently, she and her husband run this place... and said husband was the author of those... magnificent sculptures. He got a free keychain, though. As much as he didn't want to say it, it was cute.
Not as cute as the puppy they had there, free for adoption. But Sean didn't feel like he was ready to be a dog owner.
Just as he was about to ask for one of those ugly big wooden figures, he noticed his little brother staring wishfully at a racoon sweater.
This was the kind of Daniel he wished to see all the time.
"Dad..." He nudged his father with his elbow.
"What?"
He nodded towards Daniel. "I think he wants that."
They reached Daniel.
"You like that, Danielito?"
"Oh? Yeah... but it's so expensive. It's okay, I don't need it."
Sean was starting to get surprised when Daniel said something immature, instead of the opposite. He couldn't remember when it was exactly that he stopped acting his age, but there was a change. And it had been quite sudden.
"Nonsense. Tell you what, you've been really good. Both at home and at school. So, you have more than earned a little gift from your favorite Dad."
"Really?" It was relieving to see some childish excitement in him.
"Really."
Daniel hugged him. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! You're the best."
As dad went to pay, he whispered "And I hope that sweater makes him forget about those abominations." Dad had a point. A really strong point.
Before they could leave, of course, Daniel forgot to go to the bathroom, so they had to wait for him.
"I still think we had a good time in the end."
"True, and... he's starting to act like himself again."
"And that's even better. I think... this new friendship, and what happened the other day... might have shook his world a bit too hard. But he's a Diaz, he'll get back on his feet stronger than before."
"Our legendary resilience."
"More like stubborness."
"Same thing, really."
"Ok, we can go!" Daniel got back in the car, a little more... rotund than when he left.
"... you look a little strange, enano."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Ten miles down the road, Daniel's jacket barked.
Their father just pinched the bridge of his nose and kept on driving.
"Did you take that dog, Daniel?"
"No." He answered coily. Then came another bark.
"Enano..."
"Fine." He let her out of the jacket. "Have you seen how cute she is? I couldn't leave her in that place! Can we keep her, please?"
"Dad... are you gonna tell him something? We can't keep a dog, because... because..." He really couldn't come up with any good reason.
"We could keep a dog." Their father interjected. "But. There are some conditions."
"Yes! I'll do anything."
"You'll take care of her, and you'll clean up any mess she makes."
"I will."
"And your brother has to be okay with it. Sean?"
He glanced at his little brother. He was genuinely worried. He cared a lot about that puppy.
Since he'd been a little shit, Sean decided a little payback was in order. He whispered "I want some explainations in return."
Daniel anxiously nodded. He really wanted the dog.
"Alright." Sean conceded. "But I don't want her in my room."
"You'll barely notice she's there."
"Good."
"Then I guess... welcome to the Diaz family, little puppy. How will you name her?"
"Mushroom!"
"That's a stupid name." But one a nine year old would choose.
"You're stupid!"
"Boys, calm down. She's Daniel's pet, he can choose whatever name he likes."
"Now we can be a wolf family! Or wolf squad, if you prefer, Sean."
"I'm glad my hoodie was such an inspiration for you."
"You don't know the half of it." Daniel muttered.
Weirdo.
Notes:
#protectMushroom
And Daniel doing more suspicious things. By the way, he won the toys on the claw machine with his powers, but Sean doesn't get it yet.
Chapter 5: Bargaining (part two)
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"So, what are you gonna show me that's so exciting?"
"Wait and see." Sean closed the door. "Three..."
"If it's some stupid prank, Sean..."
"Two..."
Lyla shot him an annoyed look.
"One... there she is."
Mushroom came running at full speed towards the new arrival.
"Oh my God, she's so cute!" Lyla kneeled to pet the new member of the Diaz family.
"So now we have a dog."
"You say it like that's a bad thing? She's adorable."
"Yeah, and she answers only to Daniel. He's the leader of her pack, apparently."
"Are you jealous?"
He scoffed. "What? No, I didn't even want a dog."
"You're so jealous."
She was right. Just a little. "Whatever."
"How's Daniel? Always acting weird?"
"No. Since he got the dog he's back to his normal self. He still owes me an explaination, though."
"Maybe he just needed a new friend? Having a dog improves your mental health, you know? My therapist advised me to get one."
"Ah." Sean never knew how to approach the subject. "How have you been lately?"
"I'm fine! God, why's everyone asking me that..." She answered.
On the defensive, uh?
Sean gave her his most unimpressed look.
She caved in. "Just had some trouble sleeping, that's all."
"Still thinking about what happened?"
"When I saw all those police cars outside your house, and they told me there was a shooting and that someone had died... knowing of all those cases of police brutality... I thought... I'd lost you." She stared deep into his eyes. He hadn't ever seen her so vulnerable, but he was certain he'd do everything in his power to never make her feel like that again.
"We're lucky it was just a scare, right? You are fine... I mean, I'm happy Daniel and mr Diaz are too, of course."
It was now or never, because you only live once or some other stupid shit like that.
Sean kissed her.
He'd been expecting something exceptional, like feeling fireworks going off in his head or all those sappy things people say about their first kisses. Or a slap in the face. Neither came. It felt like home though. Like they belonged with each other. His place in the world.
He still wasn't certain if trying to cure your best friend's distress with a surprise smooch was the smart and romantic thing to do, but that was Lyla's field of study. She was the certified Love Witch.
"Lyla..."
"Oh..." She was still shocked.
"... I'm sorry! I don't know what came over me. I saw you so sad and..."
"Sean." She said sweetly. "Shut up." Then she kissed him back.
And, wow, maybe the thing about the fireworks wasn't totally wrong. Second time's the charm?
"So, we..."
"Uh, I gotta go home. Hear you later?"
"Sure..." They really needed to talk about that. Whatever that was.
He escorted her to the door and opened it. He felt like a proper gentleman.
Lyla left.
Sean sighed, still staring at the door she just got through.
"I knew it."
That almost gave him an heart attack.
"What is it, enano?"
"I always thought you two would hook up, and looks like I was right."
"Yeah... were you spying on us?" Hook up? And where did that come from?
"Maybe. You're lucky, lover-boy, she's great. But don't break her heart or I'll break your legs. Literally." Shouldn't he be telling that to her instead? His own brother wasn't on his side! Speaking of which...
Daniel started to close the door to his room, but Sean stopped it with his foot.
"Aren't you forgetting something?"
"If you mean my homework, I did that hours ago. And all my chores too. Also yours. You're welcome, by the way."
"No, I'm not talking about that. You owe me an explaination."
"About what?"
"You know what I'm talking about."
"I don't." He let Sean push the door open. He went to sit at his desk, that terrible mocking grin always on his face. Sean was starting to hate it.
"When we got Mushroom... you promised..."
"Oh, Sean. You're sixteen, almost a man, and yet you've never been introduced to the concept of lying?"
"You little..." He was starting to see red. The desire to punch the smugness out of his face... but he had to stay calm. He was an adult (almost), like he said. On the contrary, Daniel was an annoying kid.
"I'll explain it to you. It's when you say something and..."
"I know what lying is. And I'm gonna stay here until you fucking answer to me!"
"You swore!" He said in mock surprise. "The swear jar is waiting for you."
Sean breathed deeply. In, out. In, out. Be mature. Be the wise elder sibling.
"You're trying to make me angry, aren't you?"
His face suddenly got lifeless again. "Took you a while to figure it out."
"Why?"
Daniel shrugged. He was fidgeting with some art supplies... most likely one of his little projects.
Completely ignoring Sean's presence, he muttered to himself. "Shit, I used to be a lot more patient. And that's saying something."
"Used to?"
"Still here, Sean? I'm not snitching. Especially when I would be snitching on myself."
Where did he learn that kind of language?
"Daniel..." He had to make him see reason. Maybe telling him how much he hurt him with those words could work. "... can I at least know why you're so angry with me? I will try to make it up to you, I promise. I don't want us to stay like this. Please..."
He stopped with whatever he was making. He seemed to be choosing his words carefully, for once. "I'm not angry, not anymore." Sean wasn't sure if this... emotionless Daniel was better than the usual annoying one. "Besides, you couldn't do anything about it, even if you wanted to."
Well, he started looking Sean in the eyes again at least. Progress.
"Maybe if you talk about it you'll feel a little better." Before Daniel could object, he continued. "I can see you're hurting, enano. Please, talk to me. I don't want you to suffer. Or at the very least, I won't leave you to face the pain alone."
A long, deep sigh came from his younger brother. He shook his head, before finally answering. "You aren't gonna give up, are you?"
"Nope. I might not be the best big brother ever, but I'll always be by your side... if you want me."
"You try, I'll give you that. Even if you chicken out at the end."
"I don't think I understand."
"If I tell you... you'll just end up feeling worse. There's nothing good to get out of this shit."
"I still want to know."
"Ask away, then." He conceded.
"Well, the most important thing is... why did you say all that... hurtful things to me? Why make me mad?"
"I didn't want to hurt you..." He paused. "No, that's a lie. I wanted to."
"Why?"
"Because I thought that if you were angry at me, things would get easier. Maybe I'd feel better, knowing you didn't like me anymore."
"Did that work? Do you feel better?"
"No. I felt nothing. At all."
"What kind of things were you talking about?"
"Just... everything. How I feel... what I am... if you hated me, maybe accepting it would be simpler."
"What you are?"
"That's what I said."
"Dan... I could never hate you. No matter what. You're still my brother. You'll always be."
"I understand... now. I could never hate you as well. But I was so fucking angry, and you being... you was one of the reasons why. The main thing, actually. That's why I took it out on you."
"Me... being me?"
"Yes. Now I see. I don't hate you, it's just that you aren't my hero anymore, that's all. I can't always look up to you."
Sean knew that was a part of growing up, but still. That hurt like hell. And it didn't look like he was talking about understanding that Sean wasn't a perfect role model... he was angry because of that mysterious something he did. He had to keep pressing him to get a reason why. "Oh, I... I see."
"Told you it would only make you feel worse."
There was another thing gnawing at the back of his mind. "What was that with the rock then? How did you do that?"
"That's the -what I am- part. Are you sure you wanna know?" Sean nodded. "It's a secret you should bring to your grave, it could endanger us otherwise."
"Daniel, you're scaring me."
"That's the intention."
"Shoot. I'm ready."
"Fine. Let's first close the door then." He made the gesture of closing it with his hand... and the door fucking closed! "Wouldn't wanna have Dad accidentally listening. He might get an heart attack."
This was it. The moment of truth.
"So... how did you do that thing by the riverside? And this?" He stared at the closed door. Was there some string attached to it that he just pulled? Is that what he was working on?
"I've got superpowers."
Sean peered deep inside his eyes, searching for a trace of... anything, really. They were so... empty. They looked at each other for a while.
Then Sean burst out laughing. He didn't want to, he knew he shouldn't. But that was so damn funny.
"Ok, good one, Dan. I almost believed you for a second."
Daniel smiled, a genuine smile this time. Then the laughter on Sean's lips died, because he found himself floating in midair. Some kind of gentle, but strong force was hoisting him up. It wasn't a pleasant sensation... it felt like being in the grip of a giant hand that could move you in any way it wanted to.
Daniel wasn't even looking at him anymore, back to whatever he was doing before.
Sean wanted to speak, but he couldn't find any words. "What the fuck" was the closest thing to how he was feeling. He could just hear his heartbeat go faster and faster.
Daniel hadn't been joking...
"When you tire of being up there, let me know."
"Put me down... please."
Sean found himself gently landing on his brother's bed.
"Yeah, I can move things with my mind."
Sean tried to overcome the shock.
"What? But when... why?"
"You forgot where and who."
"Daniel, you just... You're..."
"A freak? Yup, that's me. Told you there was nothing you could do."
"I didn't mean you're a freak! How is this even possible?"
"Believe me, I'd really like an answer to that one. Unfortunately the only thing I can assume is that I'm cursed. A messed-up cosmic joke."
"I have... so many questions."
"Isn't your brain sufficiently scrambled for today?"
"It kinda is. When did you find... this out?"
"It feels like a lifetime ago. But quite recently, I suppose."
"Daniel, whatever happens... whoever you are, we love you no matter what, ok?"
"I just said I've got superpowers, not that I'm gay."
"I meant it doesn't change anything. In fact... it means you're special! Even more than I thought."
"You could say that." Daniel looked sincerely happy to hear it. Good, he was getting him back.
"Have you... tested out this powers? What you can and can't do?"
"I knew you'd say that." Still missing the punchline to that joke. "I can't move myself, strangely enough. But I can lift, throw and crash pretty much anything as long as I'm focused on it. The heavier the object, the more concentration it requires."
"Can you like... move more than one thing at a time?"
Daniel answered him with a mini hurricane of everything that was in his room. Sean was worried he was gonna fly again as well. But then, as quickly as it started, it ended. All the toys and drawings settled down.
"I'll take it as a yes."
Notes:
I just realized, while writing this story, that Denial is an anagram of Daniel. Food for thought.
Chapter 6: Bargaining (part three)
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
That night, the most awkward conversation of his life awaited him... or second most awkward. He still didn't know how to rank the conversation in which your baby brother reveals he has superpowers, knows perfectly well how to use and hide them and still hates you for something he doesn't wanna talk about. But discussing what he and Lyla were now could beat it.
What the hell had gotten over him earlier? Kissing Lyla? Where did his usual shyness go? How could he be both impulsive and slow to act? What if that killed their friendship? He couldn't bear to live with that. If she wanted to pretend nothing had happened, he would suck it up and go along with it. But that kiss had felt so right...
Time to evaluate the situation. He started the call.
Her familiar visage appeared on his screen.
"Hey..."
"Hi, Sean."
Neither of them was looking into the camera, which was kinda stupid, they weren't actually face to face...
"So..."
"Yeah?"
"Do you... wanna talk about earlier? It's fine if you don't!"
"Sean, if you want to take it back, just say it. I can handle that." Her disappointment was clear.
For once in his life, Sean had to grow some balls and go through with something. He started it, the responsibility was his. He couldn't be his usual cowardly self. Was that what Daniel was talking about, of him being himself?
"Did you... not like it?" Close enough to not being a pussy, he hoped.
"I kissed you back, what do you think it meant?"
"I liked it too." He admitted.
"What do we do then, Sean?"
That was a great question. "We could, like, date now? If you want to, of course."
Lyla rolled her eyes. "Obviously I want it."
"That's good."
She chuckled. "Just that? You really know how to make a woman swoon with your words."
"You knew what you were getting into, Love Witch."
"Oh, I kinda sucked at that anyways. Did you never notice I had a little crush on... Daniel?"
"What?"
"Behind you..."
Sean turned around to see him, once again, shamelessly spying on them. This time he wasn't even trying to hide.
He made some loud kissing noises to mock them, then left for his room.
"He is unbearable."
"He is a kid. And you, Sean Diaz, should have seen the face you made."
"For a moment I worried you were seriously crushing on him."
"Man, you really are jealous! Since when do you have an inferiority complex towards him?"
"Since he acts like an adult much better than I do." Sean crossed his arms, slightly irritated.
"He looked very much his age right now."
"You should see him when there's no one else around."
"Anyways, enough about the little monster. Are we gonna... go on dates now?"
"If you want?" Goddamit Sean. He couldn't take even one decision.
Lyla sighed. "You're lucky I love you."
This was one step he could face, however. "I love you too."
"And here I thought I would have had to wait a few months to hear that."
"I'm not that terrible..."
"Well..."
"Dad, I want to meet my grandparents." That's how Daniel chose to rock his world a little more during dinner. That day had been such an emotional rollercoaster.
"Mijo, your grandparents are dead. You know that."
"Yeah, I meant the others."
"Daniel, after your mother left... we haven't spoken since."
"Well, why won't you start again? It'd be great to spend Christmas together, like a family!"
"There are some things... we said that can't be taken back."
"But it's not fair! All my friends spend the holidays with their families... and Sean knew them! Why don't I get that chance?"
Dad looked at him as if to ask wheter it was Sean who told him that or not.
Sean shrugged. He'd been trying to tune the conversation out, like everything pertaining to Karen.
"How did you know that your brother..."
"Is he better than me, Dad? Why does he get that option, and I don't?"
Great. He couldn't stay out of this one. He couldn't even have a normal sushi night anymore these days.
"Enano, it's not about being special..."
"You got to have a mom, and grandparents! I got nothing. I only asked for a simple thing..." He got misty-eyed, then abruptly left the table for his room. He didn't lock the door though, which was Daniel speak for "I want you to come to me with a peace offering".
Sean sighed, then spoke up. "I'll go check on him, papi."
"You don't need to, Sean... he has a point, you know? Sometimes I wonder if I did good in cutting all contact with them."
"They are still responsible for the way she was."
"I know that, mijo."
"I'll try to make him reasonable."
That was easier said than done. He hoped he was up to the task: he felt a little out of it. His mind had been pretty much monopolized by Lyla that day... and by Daniel's revelations.
Besides, there was still that horrible sensation of missing something crucial about Daniel... Not to mention, by now, everytime that he spoke with him there was some terrible revelation. He prayed that those at least were over.
He knocked. "Can I?"
"Come on in." Daniel answered excitedly.
Daniel was splayed on his bed with... something in his hands. His eyes weren't watery anymore. In fact, he looked the happiest he'd seen him in a while. Sean found his ability to fake emotions so well a little creepy.
"I thought you were about to throw a tantrum." Sean noted dryly.
"Not really, no. I just needed dad to believe that. And I need you to help me convince him. I knew you'd have come to check on me, like the good little boy that you are. I have a proposition."
For the second time in a day, Sean had to fight with the impulse of punching a nine year old in the face.
"Why would I help you? I'm with him on this issue."
"I think I can offer you a good reason why."
A familiar sound came from the object in Daniel's hands. A notification. That was his phone!
"Give that back!"
"I was starting to think you'd never notice it." He grinned impishly.
"How did you get it? It was in my pocket the whole time..."
"I don't know." Then he used his damned powers (that's how he took it) to dangle the phone over his head, just a little out of reach. "Try to catch it!"
"Stop with that, right now!" Sean barked.
"Ok, big wolf. No need to bare your fangs at me." The phone flew back to where it belonged. "By the way, your password is your birthday? You're the dream of every thief and spy."
"Are you done insulting me?"
"Yup. You don't know how boring it is to live without one of those, I've got to entertain myself somehow. Phones have become our windows into the world, haven't they?"
"Since when do you have one?"
"Since I was... eleven, I believe."
What the fuck was he talking about?
"Listen up, Seanie-boy. I've got two very valid reasons for you to help me persuade dad."
"I'm all ears." Sean curtly replied.
"One, you will like meeting again with them. Claire and Stephen." How did he know their names?
"I might... or maybe not."
"You will, trust me. You'll conclude that they are decent people who made some wrong choices."
"Fine, let's say you're right. What's the other thing?"
"Two, I'll tell you everything."
Daniel was really getting on his last nerve.
"I thought you already did that."
"Well..." He said innocently. "... I might have left out a few key details. Intentionally."
"Of course." Sean rolled his eyes, then started heading towards the door. "Why should I trust you now?"
"On my honor as a Diaz!" Sean stopped and turned to him. "That's one of the few things left that I care about. And besides..."
"What?"
"I'm so tired... of lying, of everything. I'll tell you. I don't care what you do after."
This sounded sincere. A tone that had disappeared from his brother's voice recently. Mocking, angry, sad... that's how he was rolling these days.
He could gain some clarity and help him. But he would have to face those ghosts from his past. Was he willing to? He knew his father would let them go if Sean gave his okay... that was, if the Reynolds wanted them to come. Daniel seemed pretty sure of that, though.
"Give me a moment to think about it..."
Sean rubbed his temples. A massive headache was coming. What a choice...
Notes:
It's a bit of a slow chapter, but necessary for the story. Next time, unto stage four!
Chapter 7: Depression
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
As the car drove into the quiet little town of Beaver Creek in the early morning, Sean was stuck on a simple, yet important question. How did he get roped into this?
Right, Daniel. As weird as he was lately, Sean still couldn't say no to his enano. He really was a pushover. But family always comes first, doesn't it? Dad was proud of him, and Daniel started being affectionate again. The added bonus of the promise of finally knowing what was going on in that little head of his was what did the trick in the end.
There was a small, miniscule, part of him that wanted to see his grandparents. He didn't even know what he wanted to find, actually. His memories of them were hazy at best.
Was he hoping for two evil old farts? If they were easy to hate, he wouldn't have been wrong in considering them on par with Karen.
Or was he hoping for a loving family? For the things every other kid got to experience? But that would mean... he had been unjust with them.
Daniel was adamant on that second hypothesis.
He sighed. Life is... complicated. He often wished for things to be more black and white, instead of all these shades of gray.
Like Daniel's power, for example. It was there, strange and wonderful, no doubt about it. No ifs or buts. They hadn't told their dad, of course. He had enough to worry about as it was, no need of adding another layer of problems on top of what he already had to face.
It took a lot of coaxing and begging, but he got Daniel to show off all the crazy things he could do. His normal Daniel wouldn't have ever shut the fuck up if he found out he had superpowers, but that wasn't the case, now. He looked a little shy, even. Asking him to demonstrate what he could do... Sean felt like he was the excited little brother for once. Was that how Dan felt whenever he asked Sean something and he ignored him?
The car stopped. Here they were. Daniel bolted out when the car hadn't even completely halted.
"I'll take his luggage too, I guess..."
"Sean." His dad gave him a serious look. "If anything, anything at all, happens, and you want me to come to the rescue... I'm just a phonecall away."
"I know, dad."
"I'm still not sure about... this. It was a tough conversation, the one I had with your grandparents. And... it'll be strange spending Christmas alone."
"We'll be back to bother you before you know it! You're the best, Papi." Sean hugged him.
"Yeah, yeah... now go check your brother before he gets into any trouble."
Daniel had been, strangely enough, very interested in the house of their grandparents' neighbors, instead of theirs. Sean noticed a strange metallic construction in their frontyard. What the hell...
"Come on, slowpoke! Are you sixteen or sixty?"
"I'm having to..." He got the last of their baggage out of the car. "... carry your bags too, Dan."
"Oh, right. I forgot."
Suddenly, it all became weightless.
"Thanks, superbro."
"It's nothing."
He could pretend he was the world's strongest man! While a real superhero was right by his side.
Whatever. It was time. After waving goodbye to their dad and trudging through the snow, they rang the doorbell.
"Don't worry, they're nice." Daniel tried to reassure him.
"And how do you know?"
The door opened. It was Claire.
"... later." Daniel whispered.
"Hello boys." She looked at him. "Sean... it's been a long time..."
"Hi, Claire." Didn't feel like calling her Grandma. Not now, and probably never.
She turned to Daniel. "Hello." She lowered herself to be on eye level with him. "You must be Daniel."
"Hi Grandma." He hugged her, taking her by surprise.
"What a nice young man." She replied, returning the gesture. "I'm glad I finally got to meet you."
He has the right to know them, Sean knew. That's another reason he hadn't already bailed out of this. Even if it looked like he already knew them.
"Come on in, it's freezing outside."
The house was... as he remembered it, mostly. There was even that little train track that Stephen adored, Sean definitely remembered that one. A trap for all kids. Daniel had, of course, gone right to it, followed by Stephen. They were on their third or fourth lap. Sean was a little envious, but he'd never beg to play with it.
He sat on the couch in the living room, his arms crossed. He was determined not to show any weakness. Giving your love to those who don't deserve it only leads to getting stabbed in the back. There was even a crooked painting hanging up, over their heads. A sign of bad luck.
Claire eventually came to him bearing a peace offering (not unlike what he did with an upset Daniel... or rather, what he used to do in those cases), in the form of a cup of tea. It would do, for the time being. He could afford to be civil, at least.
"Sean... why did you come here, now? What changed?"
"Daniel wanted to know his grandparents, that's all. I guess all those Christmas movies with happy families influenced him. He looks happy..." He could still hear him chattering excitedly with his grandfather. "... so that's good enough for me."
"I see. When your father called us to organize this... trip, we were quite surprised."
"If you didn't want us here, you just had to say it."
"Not at all! Sean, you two are still our grandsons... nothing could change that. Not even..."
The elephant in the room. "Can we not talk about her? Like, ever?"
"As you wish." She nodded. "It's still painful for us too, what she did. I just wanted you to know that."
"I get it." They were the ones who made her like that, though. They only had themselves to blame.
"We were surprised, as I was saying, but happy. We hope we can... in the future..."
"I... understand. We'll see." There was no need to say it. He didn't know what would happen next. Things were going better than he anticipated but... a warm welcome alone wasn't gonna win him over.
"Did you see that train, Sean? I could watch it go round and round for hours!"
"I... noticed. Hey, enano."
"Yeah?"
"Say... would you mind... fixing that painting? It's..."
"Oh my God." Daniel chuckled. "You're obsessed with that thing!" He returned it to his rightful position. No more bad luck.
"Better safe than sorry, don't you agree?"
"I would like it so much, if I could say bad luck doesn't exist but... it does. However, I'll keep it away. Nothing will harm us. Ever." He looked... really determined saying that.
"I have a little superhero on my side... what could possibly go wrong?"
He looked away, a little embarassed. "Plenty. And I'm not a hero." He sounded so sad...
After lunch, Claire and Stephen politely suggested for Daniel to go play with their neighbor's kid. They really weren't prepared to handle an hyperactive nine year old for long periods of time. Stephen looked like someone who regretted all the choices he ever made in his life (especially those concerning little and enticing train models).
Daniel, apparently, was waiting for this moment. It had been months since he'd seen him so... alive.
The afternoon was almost too quiet, now that Daniel was out. Sean looked out of the window and saw him and some blonde kid (that must be Chris) playing and running around. It was as if they'd known each other for a lifetime, instead of a couple of hours. Some people just sort of... click together, Sean guessed. Speaking of which, he decided to give Lyla a call. She'd been bombarding him with text messages all day to know if he survived the meeting with his grandparents.
"Hola, girlfriend." It was so strange to say that... even after a month of dating.
"Look who finally decided to pick up his phone. Are you alive? And alright? Did you murder them in a rage induced frenzy?"
Sean laughed. "No. Nothing that exciting, I'm afraid."
"So, how are they?"
"Fine, I guess. We talked a little. Claire and I share a liking for arts and crafts, apparently."
"That's were the artistic genes come from, then!"
"Probably. Daniel's having a lot of fun. With my grandfather and... the kid next door. I think he found a new best friend."
"Aw, he's so cute."
"All in all, it's going... great."
"Well, that's anticlimactic. But I'm glad you two are having fun. You deserve it."
"I miss you."
"Miss you too." She spent some moments in silence before asking "Sean... do you think your dad suspects something? He's always winking at me when I come over. And he told us a couple of times to be safe, remember?"
"God, I hope not. Daniel didn't snitch on us, I'm sure of it."
"Maybe he noticed by himself? We aren't exactly... super subtle."
"Fuck. Knowing him, he's already picturing grandkids and thinking about the ways he could be a cool, modern grandpa."
"Yeah, no. That'll have to wait."
"My folks here would like to remind you that we can't have sex before marriage, you temptress."
"Don't tell me they are religious nutjobs?"
"A little. But... they mostly just keep it to themselves. I can respect that."
Daniel was returned to them in the evening, just before dinner time, by their neighbor, Charles. His brother had some strange drawings on his face, and he was exhausted. But happy.
"Daniel, welcome back! I was almost starting to miss you."
"Daniel? Who's Daniel? I'm Superwolf!" He struck what was supposed to be a cool pose.
Oh, that's what those were. Fangs and the markings on a wolf's face.
"Still inspired by my hoodie?"
He nodded.
He was finally back to being a normal kid. This Chris must be something exceptional.
"Did you have fun with Chris?"
"Of course! We had a lot of awesome adventures. You should totally meet him. You could be part of the Spirit Squad!"
"Huh... sure, Dan... Superwolf. How old is he?"
"A little older than me. His birthday is in February... can I go to his birthday party? I'm invited!"
Damn, these two had become best friends in a single afternoon. He knew Daniel had some charm, but... fuck. Another thing he could be jealous of... however, superpowers were still top of the list.
"I think... you can. We have to ask dad, though."
"Awesome!" Just a little time ago, a "possum" would have followed. He did miss it a little.
Daniel had insisted on sleeping in the same bed. Sean didn't mind (though he was sure there should be another bed in their m... Karen's old room). What he did mind was Daniel wanting to go to bed just after dinner. Unsurprising, considering he'd been running and shouting all day. He was sucking up to Claire a little too much for his tastes... praying before dinner and before sleeping. Since when did they do that? But as long as it wasn't anything bad...
In the end, he conceded defeat and went along with Daniel's wishes. Like he did every single time.
Daniel snuggled into him. Sean would be lying if he said he hadn't miss physical affection from him. He hugged back. They were lucky it was wintertime, otherwise they'd be boiling alive. Daniel was just like a little furnace.
"Sean..." He said, as his eyelids threatened to close at any moment, his voice barely above a whisper. "... thank you. Really. For bringing me here."
"You still got some explaining to do, enano."
"Tomorrow, big wolf." Sean was starting to like that nickname. "Let me remember first... what joy... felt like."
And there he was. Out cold. With yet another strange conversation left hanging between them.
Sean sighed, then did the only thing he could and closed his eyes, waiting for sleep to come.
Notes:
A little quiet before the storm coming in the second part of this chapter.
Chapter 8: Depression (part two)
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The tomorrow from Daniel's promise had first turned into another "tomorrow" the day after, then another the following day and so on and so forth.
Sean wasn't all that mad... that is to say, he ended up doing everything Daniel wanted. Business as usual. If he had asked Sean to jump, he would have probably answered "How high?".
But this time he felt there was a legitimate reason to let him do whatever he pleased: he hadn't seen him being so... himself in months.
Whatever dark thoughts had been lurking in his mind were pushed to the side. That was for the most part, thanks to Chris's presence.
He'd gotten to know their little neighbor in the past days. The kid was an angel. Quiet, reserved, well-mannered and never whiny. Basically the exact opposite of his brother. He wouldn't have ever guessed they'd be friends, but opposites attract, after all.
They shared a fanatical love for anything superhero-related. They even had their own squad. Daniel had asked him to join them sometime. He'd looked so pleased when he finally conceded... maybe all this time what he really needed was for Sean to spend more time with him?
No. Unfortunately. As much as he would like for that to be the answer, it wasn't.
It wasn't any trauma connected to being an actual super human either. He'd taken it in stride: without ever worrying, always being careful in using his powers, never exaggerating (a first for him). It looked like it had been years since he'd first got them, when it was four months at best.
Neither of those things justified the monsters tormenting his brother, though. He was reminded of that each night. Sean now understood why Daniel had insisted in sharing a bed. Every night he tossed and turned. He spoke in his sleep (something he never did before): a mixture of curses (he shouldn't know), Spanish (he'd never learned) and every possible variation of sorry there ever was. Sometimes he inadvertently moved objects with his powers. Once he'd even started crying, while mumbling a string of "Sorry". He'd only calmed down a little when Sean had picked him up and cradled him, doing his best not to completely wake him up. They spent the rest of the night with Daniel clung to him like his life depended on it... what if it really did?
Sean may not be a genius, but he knew those weren't normal night terrors. Those don't teach you new words, nor do they make you feel guilty. Besides, even if they weren't so strange, Daniel had never suffered from those before.
He didn't know which was more frustrating: the fact he was the supposed adult and Danny was handling everything much better than him; or the fact he didn't have the slightest clue on what he could to help him.
Thank God for Chris. At least he knew how to cheer his enano up.
Listen to him... thank God? Was he even gonna start going to church on Sundays now? Daniel didn't seem to mind, in fact he'd joined their grandparents on the first Sunday after their arrival. If that was really what he wanted to do, Sean wasn't gonna stop him.
Their grandparents... Sean was forced to admit defeat on that front as well. They were good people, if slightly rigid and old-fashioned. And obsessed with rules. But they'd took them in and cared for them like they'd lived there their whole life. They even helped all their neighbors... the joys of a small and tight-knit community. Speaking of which, Chris's father looked like someone who needed a lot of help. Sean could swear he'd been drunk in a couple of occasions in which they talked. He just hoped he didn't take it out on his son.
Their grandparents had even taken the time to buy them gifts for Christmas. Sean had tried to politely refuse, but they insisted they had to make up for all the times they hadn't gotten them anything. They tried to bond with both brothers... they even played some board games with Sean and Daniel, though their selection was quite limited. Sean appreciated the effort.
And then, maybe the biggest point in their favor, they shared his exact views on what Karen had done. That is, they thought the worst possible of her and her actions.
The only one who didn't share the sentiment was Daniel, apparently.
He made it known on the second friday of their stay, just as they were about to go to bed. Earlier in the day, he'd even managed to convince Claire to show them Karen's old room (that had been left exactly as it was since she married their dad... it was a little creepy. And very dusty). The things Daniel could do with his puppy eyes... He had insisted for Sean to come as well, saying he could find something there to help him understand her better. He just couldn't see that Sean didn't want, or need, to understand her. She betrayed his trust in the most terrible way a parent ever could. She didn't deserve any sympathy.
"I think you're being too harsh on her..."
"What are you talking about, enano?"
"Mom."
Sean rolled his eyes. Did they really need to talk about her any longer? "How can you even call her that? Karen was never a mother to you. I know you're hurt that you never got to meet her, but trust me, it would have only hurt more if you did."
"I'm not saying you're wrong, or that she was a good person." Daniel joined him under the covers. "But maybe she isn't a complete monster."
"Good for her. She can enjoy being a vaguely decent person far away from me then. I don't need her. We don't need her."
Daniel nodded. "We only need each other, and Dad. We're the wolves."
Again with that wolf thing, huh? His hoodie had become a second Bible to Daniel...
"Don't forget about Mushroom!"
He smiled fondly. "You're right, she's here and she's alive." What a strange thing to say... then again, was it even surprising to hear something like that at this point?
Sean decided to lighten up the mood. "Do you think she and Dad will survive without burning down the house?"
"I hope so!" They shared a good laugh.
"Hey..." Sean scooped Daniel up and nuzzled into him.
"Put me down! I'm not a little kid..."
"You look pretty short from where I'm standing, enano."
He stopped protesting and leaned into Sean.
"Do you want to know what Karen told Dad when she left?"
His interest was immediately piqued. "Yes, please!"
"That she didn't really want kids, or a family. That she married just to get away from her home. That the only thing she really wanted was freedom."
"But then, you can somewhat understand her, can't you? You also love being free, more than anything!"
"True, enano. But I didn't leave two kids without a mother just to follow my whims."
He sighed. "You're right, Sean." Finally! "I just wanted to... understand what she must've felt when she did what she did."
"It's really not worth it."
"Think about it: everyone around you loves you, they count on you and they're happy to be with you."
"That looks like a lot of good reasons not to do what she did!"
"But what if you feel out of place? What if their kind words and their affection just twist the knife further and further? What if, deep down, you know you don't deserve it, any of it, because... you're a horrible person? A monster, cold and unfeeling. If you feel like that, running away doesn't look so bad."
Sean was speechless. "Are you sure you're nine, Daniel?"
"No." His expression was unreadable.
"Were you... talking about yourself, Danny?"
"Are you crazy, Sean? I was just trying to think like her." He yawned loudly. "Let's go to sleep, ok?"
"Right..."
"Oh, before I forget. Can I have your phone? I'll be super quick!"
"Sure..." Sean handed it to him. His brother tapped the screen a few times, then gave it back.
He'd set the alarm for the early morning.
"Why do you wanna be up so soon, enano?"
"Well... I... gotta do something with Chris, ok?"
"I see. Goodnight, then."
"Night."
That night wasn't any exception. Sean was rudely awakened by his brother kicking in his sleep.
He sighed. Couldn't really fault the little monster for having nightmares, right?
Just as he was about to scoot closer to the edge of the bed, to leave more space between them, he heard him say "Sean, I'm sorry... so sorry..."
Maybe he had to take advantage of this opportunity... he shook him awake, gently of course.
Daniel groggily opened one eye first, then the other. He looked around the room to get his bearings. Then he focused on Sean. "What happened?"
"You were having a nightmare. Again."
"Oh. I woke you up, didn't I? Sorry, I'll try to..."
"Don't worry about that. You were calling my name. Saying you were sorry. What were you dreaming about?"
"I don't remember." He said, averting his gaze.
"Dan..."
"It's not important, alright. I'll do my best to keep quiet, I promise."
"You look too upset for it to be nothing. If it's important for you, then it's important for me."
He exhaled, slowly. "Have you ever thought that any time you talk with someone, it could be the last? That maybe that fight you had could be the last things you ever told them? That you will never be able to fix that, and you'll have to leave with your regrets?" He sounded so world-weary, so full of sorrow. Sean couldn't even call it despair: he wasn't agitating. In fact, it sounded like he'd given up all hope long ago. And it was scaring him. What was the cause for all of this?
"What do you mean, Daniel?" He lowered his voice, like he was speaking to a wounded animal, trying not to scare him away.
"I love you Sean. I don't tell you enough, I never did. Even if you can make me mad like no one else. You're still the center of my world."
What could he even add after that raw declaration of love? He held his brother tight against his chest. Daniel let him without any objection.
"Let's get some sleep now, little wolf, okay?"
Where had that nickname come from? Daniel had started calling him big wolf on occasion, so he guesses it was only fair.
"You sure you want me this close? Even if I wake you up again?"
"Even then."
He felt something wet on his shirt at the height of Daniel's eyes, but he didn't comment on it.
He slept soundly through the rest of the night. Sean finally felt like he'd done something useful for him.
Next morning they woke up early, as per his brother's wish.
As Sean helped Claire with breakfast, he noticed his brother being quite antsy, glancing every now and then out the window, focused on the neighboring house. Damn, whatever he and Chris had to do must have really meant a lot to him.
"Enano, if you really need to go see Chris, why don't you just... go?"
"Not yet!" He left it at that, without any more clarification.
Later, Claire told him about some old toys they kept in the garden shed... and about the laundry. He really started appreciating them, truly, but all this goddamned rules... Whatever. He might ask for Daniel's help, after all, he became the master of household keeping and lord of chores. Thanks to his powers, Sean suspected. A boring but practical use, he should be proud. In any case, toys should be a good motivator.
He was still standing by the window, anxious. Not of the "I can't wait to play" kind of anxiety, more of the "Someone's life depends on me" variety. Weird.
"Daniel, I need some help with the laundry. But I have some good news for you, Claire told me..."
"Of course! I had forgot. The garden, the shed..."
What?
"Let's get moving! What are you waiting for, slowpoke?"
Maybe Claire already mentioned that to him. Yeah, that must be it.
And so they victoriously faced their dirty clothes in record time.
When they got out to open the shed, Sean would've expected his brother to jump in and start digging through all those old boxes himself, instead he patiently waited outside for Sean to do the dirty (literally) work. What a little shit.
As he was finally taking out the right box (he desperately hoped it was the one, if he breathed any more dust his lungs would probably clog and give up), he heard the sound of something wooden cracking and breaking, followed by a small scream that was quickly cut off. He rushed outside to find his brother using his powers and Chris, who was apparently about to fall from his treehouse (the one Stephen had helped building... it looked really nice), gently floating to the ground. So long for keeping the powers secret.
"Daniel... you shouldn't do that in public!" He tried not to raise his voice too much, lest Chris might hear them.
"He was about to fall." He stated matter-of-factly. "Should I have let him get hurt?"
He was right... what's the point of superpowers, if you don't help people? "You're right, enano."
"Besides, he already knew I got powers. It would've been really awkward if I didn't save him, wouldn't it?"
"He what? You told him?" Sean had let his guard down, cause of him being so responsible. But Daniel was still a kid, of course he'd do something stupid like that. He had to do some damage control.
"Of course I did. I'd trust him with my life." He sounded so sure of it. He then ran towards Chris, who'd just got over the shock.
"Daniel!" He waved, happy to see him. "Thank you! I'm so lucky you were here."
The kid wasn't wearing outdoor clothes, or shoes, his eyes were red and puffy and he had a bruise on his arm. Did his father... do that?
"Are you alright? How do you feel?"
"Fine, now that you're here. I told you you were a hero."
"Nonsense. I just did what I had to."
"That's what heroes do!"
Seeing them interact like that was really heartwarming. Who knows what they were gonna do later that had Daniel so excited.
They were interrupted by Charles coming out of the house, a little wobbly on his feet. He looked drunk, again. It wasn't even midday.
"Chris, are you ok? God, you aren't even wearing shoes..."
Chris recoiled a little when his father got close, but then he answered "I'm fine. I was talking with Daniel."
"Of course. Why don't you come inside? We need to have a chat. Then you can play with your little friend."
"Ok..."
Charles picked Chris up and carried him on his shoulders. He nodded to the brothers, then started heading inside. Chris happily shouted "See you later, Danny!"
"Later!" Daniel shouted back. He then rested against the picket fence separating them from the Eriksens, watching father and son disappear inside. He sighed wistfully.
Wait. Sean knew that kind of sigh. It was the same he did whenever Lyla left. Was Daniel...
"Say, Dan..."
"Yeah?" He answered absent-mindedly.
"... do you like Chris?"
Daniel looked at him as if he were stupid. "Of course I do, he's my best friend."
"I meant... do you like like Chris?"
His eyes widened and his cheeks went on fire. "No! Of course not..."
He wasn't looking at him.
Bingo! Sean was right. That was a crush, and the reason he was so excited. He kneeled down and put a hand on his brother's shoulder.
"Well, if you do, there's nothing wrong with that."
"Stop..."
Was this the moment to give him... the talk? God, that should be Dad's job, but since he wasn't here...
"You know, it doesn't matter if Chris is also a boy, Daniel."
"You're just saying that to make me feel better. But there's no need for that. I remain a freak, I know."
Maybe it was the moment for his own coming out. That was probably the best way to show Daniel he loved him all the same. It was scary saying it out loud, but he knew his brother always got his back.
"Enano, I... like boys too. And girls. But it's okay if you only like boys, you hear me?"
"Really?" He was surprised.
"Really."
"That's not the problem, though! Not the only one..."
"Then what is it? I'm here to listen, you can tell me anything."
"I know that!"
Sean had always found it too cute when his brother pretended he didn't need any help, but secretly hoped for Sean to step up. So he waited for him to continue.
"Chris is too good for me. I don't deserve him."
What? "Why would you say that, Dan? It makes no sense. You're a good person."
He became once again expressionless, his gaze was lost somewhere in the distance, yet at the same time he was seeing right through Sean. "Why are you so sure of that?"
Ok, this wasn't working. Whatever was troubling him made him think he was a bad guy. He needed to change his approach.
"But that isn't fair to Chris."
That took him by surprise. "What do you mean?"
"What if he... really likes you too, huh? You should let him decide what's good for him."
Daniel was ready to object, but no words came out of his mouth. He timidly smiled. "You're... right. But what do I do then, Sean?"
"Talk to him. You don't want to have any more regrets, right?" It still felt absurd talking of regret with a nine year old, but there they were.
"Yeah..."
"Than be truthful. It's the only way."
Daniel embraced him. "You're the best. Thank you so much."
He'd made him happy twice in a row in a single day. Maybe things were finally starting to change. Maybe he'll soon know what had caused all this sadness and heartbreak. What he knew for sure was that they were gonna face it together. As brothers.
Notes:
I swear the intention was for this to have only 6 chapters... things got out of hand. But I hope you're liking it all the same.
Anyways, I just realized that Daniel never sees his brother kissing Finn, so he doesn't really know he's bi. They just have that dialogue in episode 5 where Sean says being gay is normal. So I decided to expand on this a little.
Chapter 9: Depression (part three)
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Sean awoke to a cold and empty bed. He'd slept in. Strange: he was usually an early riser.
After serving him breakfast, Claire told him Daniel went to visit Chris (how surprising...). She also said his brother had asked for Sean to come as fast as he could.
He was probably planning something and Sean wasn't sure what to expect (was he ever sure of anything regarding Daniel nowadays?).
As his grandparents left to attend Mass (it was a Sunday, after all), he got ready. He didn't exactly rush, so he wasn't surprised when, upon entering Chris's home, he was greeted by a "Oh my God, since when did you become so damn slow?"
Daniel had opened the door. He already looked like someone who'd visited that house for years, instead of days.
"I thought these were Christmas holidays, Dan... you know, a time to relax, enjoy the presence of your family and open gifts."
"We can't do any of those things if you're always asleep! You used to be way more active than this... you're getting old." His brother had once again the wolf makeup on his face. Looked like Chris was a little artist in the making.
Man, Daniel was a handful. With or without powers. No wonder Sean felt so tired. "You're getting brattier by the day..."
"Do you two want a moment alone to settle this?" Chris was trying, and failing, to hide his amusement at their bickering.
"No, it's fine. So, Sean, I'm... we're gonna make you an offer you can't refuse."
Before he could comment on the quote, Daniel added "God, I love saying that."
... when exactly did he see the Godfather?
Whatever, it didn't matter.
"What offer?"
"Come on, Chris... ask him!"
Was that... shyness?
Sean was just about ready to kidnap Chris. He made Daniel way more manageable.
Sean turned to their new friend (or crush, in Daniel's case).
"So." He said, puffing out his chest. Sean just then noticed he was wearing a cape... funny. This kid really went all in when he was playing pretend. "Would you like to become a member of the Spirit Squad? We're a real superhero team!" He lowered his voice. "Even if your brother's the only one with actual powers..."
Yeah, that. Daniel was so sure Chris wouldn't let that information slip... Sean hoped he was right on this one. Even if... he seldom got anything wrong lately. It was kinda scary... almost like he already knew the things that were about to happen. But that was absurd.
... bold of him to think something was impossible, given Daniel's present supernatural condition. But unless telekinesis came with a side dish of precognition, his accurate guesses remained unexplainable.
He knew he needed to accept their proposal. First, he couldn't say no to two pairs of puppy eyes. Second, he... fine, he missed being a kid and playing pretend. Why the hell not?
"Sure, let's kick some bad guys in the... butt." He knew Daniel had apparently gotten an extensive training on all kinds of swear words, but he was reasonably sure Chris didn't.
"Yes, that's the spirit!"
"The Captain Spirit?"
Chris playfully shoved Daniel away from him. "Shut up! Now, Sean. You need a proper superhero name. You can't let bad guys know your true identity! You have to protect your loved ones."
That was the main reason for using an alias, right? Fine. Protecting his loved ones did sound pretty cool.
He could be... Professor Diaz? Lame. Lyla would probably make fun of him for the rest of his life if she heard that. And she wouldn't be wrong.
Then... El Diazblo Loco? So corny... Daniel would make fun of him for that one, instead.
So maybe...
"Silver Runner!" Daniel shouted excitedly.
"I... was just about to say that." Weird... that word had become the perfect way to describe the relationship he had with his brother. Fine, then. Silver Runner it is.
"Man, it's so cool having a brother! You two can read each other's thoughts!"
"Yup." Daniel was as happy as he'd ever seen him recently, so he wouldn't object.
"You wouldn't think having a brother was cool if you could hear Daniel's snoring, though!"
Daniel threw him one of the couch cushions. "I don't snore... that much."
"He also talks during his sleep..." Sean said conspiratorially to Chris.
"Really? What does he say?"
"He begs for forgiveness... for how much of a dork he is!"
"Not true!" Daniel whined. Damn, he'd missed getting his little bro embarassed.
"So true!" Sean replied. Chris chuckled alongside him. This was a win.
"Oh, I see how it is. Two against one. So unfair... I'm gonna make a tactical retreat to the bathroom."
"Don't take too long, Superwolf! Or you'll miss the Christmas market!"
"I'll be back before you losers know it!" That said, he disappeared behind the bathroom door.
As Daniel locked the door, Sean gave a good look at Chris. Shit, he hadn't been wrong the day before. There really was a big bruise on his arm.
The kid must have noticed him staring, because he hid his arm. Then he pushed a bunch of toys in front of Sean.
"Very well. Let's see if you're as smart as Superwolf! Which ones of these are bad guys, and which ones are good guys?"
How the hell was he supposed to know?
As if guided by some mysterious, all-knowing external force, he correctly separated the two groups of toys.
"Impressive." Chris said as he nodded. "You're truly Daniel's brother, no doubt about it."
Sean was sure that was meant to be one of the greatest compliments possible in Chris's world. He smiled in gratitude. Then, looking at that bruise he said "You know, Chris... things may look a little bad at the moment, but... everything's gonna be alright in the end, okay? And if you ever need help... my grandparents are just next door."
He considered what Sean said for a little while, before answering "Thank you, Silver Runner. You speak like a true superhero. Superwolf is lucky to have you."
"And he's lucky to have you too, Chris."
"Really?"
"Of course. I've never seen him as happy as he is since he met you."
"Oh." Chris was blushing... "I'm glad to... hear that. Really. I care a lot about him."
Maybe Daniel's crush wasn't that one-sided. Sean was right on insisting, then.
"He sure is taking a while. I'm gonna go check if Dad's ready!"
"Sure. I'll get your friend out of the bathroom."
As Chris left, he knocked on the door. "Are you alive, enano?"
He heard a sniff. What the fuck? Then Daniel opened the door. His makeup was a little smudged around the eyes. "Sorry, I got... distracted."
"Is everything alright, Dan?"
He gave Sean a thumbs up. He then ran out the door.
Sean couldn't even say he was surprised anymore by his behaviour. He followed them and closed the door. In small towns like this one there were no burglars but... better safe than sorry.
He climbed on the passenger side of the Eriksens' truck while the kids climbed on the back.
Chris's dad greeted him. He was sober for once.
"Hi. You must be Sean... Daniel's brother."
"Guilty as charged."
"I'm glad to finally meet you. Your little brother talks quite a lot about you, you know?"
"I hope he's only saying positive things."
"For sure. That kid loves you."
That was... nice to hear. But it also reminded him... whatever he did to hurt Daniel, he was that angry because he trusted him. He could only hope one day they'd look back upon this whole mess and have a laugh about it.
"We haven't been properly introduced. I'm Charles."
He extended his hand. Sean shook it.
"Our boys sure do get along, huh?"
"Indeed." Charles nodded as he turned on the car. "It's been a while since I saw Chris so full of energy."
"Same for Daniel."
The (admittedly short) journey to the market was spent in a comfortable silence. When they reached their destination, the kids quickly jumped off the truck.
Sean didn't dare to leave his seat. He felt like he had to... say something, at least. Even if it wasn't his place to.
"Hey... I know we don't know each other that well. Or at all. But..."
Charles eyed him suspiciously. He looked ready to argue.
Sean had to choose his words carefully. "... if you ever need help, my grandparents are there. Also, we're a phone call away... me and the little monster. And our dad as well."
Charles hesitated. He looked deep in thought. Then he finally replied "I have a question. Why didn't I ever see you guys before? With your grandparents, I mean?"
Was he ready to admit to the drama that plagued his family? It was for a good cause in the end, so...
"Dad... and my grandparents. They had a fight when my mother abandoned us all. We've just recently started patching up things. It was thanks to Daniel, actually... that boy is special."
Charles looked moved by what he said. "He really is." Then he added "I'll keep what you said in mind."
"That's good. Thank you."
Charles just smiled, then exited the vehicle.
"Are you kids ready to choose the best Christmas tree there ever was?"
Charles was... or, at the very least, had the capacity to be... a good dad.
The kids happily shouted "Yes!", then they ran to the display of Christmas trees. Well, Chris ran. Daniel seemed hesitant.
As Charles tried catching up with his son, Sean checked on his brother.
"Everything alright, enano?"
"I was fine twenty minutes ago, I'm still fine. Sean, stop worrying."
Easier said than done. He wasn't gonna talk now anyways. Sean should probably stop insisting.
"Why don't you go look at the stalls? You might meet someone interesting." There was a note of disdain in his voice as he said that.
"Whatever you say, little wolf."
Daniel was looking longingly in Chris's direction while the boy animatedly talked with his father, trotting from one Christmas tree to the next. He was probably still undecided on which one would be that year's lucky winner. He stopped his evaluation to shout "Daniel, are you coming or not?"
"Just a moment." Daniel shouted back.
Sean had a devious idea. He could try and be the Love Wizard.
"Dan, why don't you tell Chris how you feel? I think you might have a nice surprise..."
"What's up with you and this damn market anyway? Does it inspire you to meddle in my business?"
Sean didn't waste any time in trying to understand what the fuck he was talking about. "Are you scared he'll say no? Big bad Daniel is afraid?"
That riled him up. "I'm not scared of anything."
"Then do it."
"Fine, I will. And if he stops talking to me, it'll be all your fault."
Oh shit, he didn't consider that. Daniel marched away straight to Chris as soon as he was done speaking. Sean could only pray his gut feeling about those two wasn't wrong. Daniel wouldn't ever forgive him if he made him fight with Chris. Chris didn't look like the type to be offended by that kind of thing, however.
After silently cursing himself for trying to copy Lyla, he decided to give a look around the stalls. He wished to buy something for his grandparents and maybe for Daniel... hopefully the money he'd brought there with him would be enough.
As he was perusing the stands, he heard a girl sing. He turned around.
Wow.
She looked like... no one he'd ever seen before. Totally punk, or goth or... well, she was different from what he was used to. That's all.
He got closer and listened attentively.
It had been nice getting to know Cassidy and Finn. Hopping from train to train, going wherever the road took them... it sounded cool. No rules, no school, no obligations, no planning for the future. Pure freedom... maybe even a little too much. In another life he might've been a member of their group. But he could never leave his family and friends. Or girlfriend. Shit, he'd even miss Mushroom. Furthermore, as much as he hated thinking about the future, he was sure that wasn't the kind of lifestyle you could keep on living forever. Sooner or later everyone had to find their own path.
After those two left, he sat at a bench. Maybe it was time for a little drawing. He had been meaning to use the sketchbook his father gifted him more often, after all. And this place was nice to look at.
As he studied the small market, he saw Daniel and Chris among the rows of trees, heading to where there was no one else around. His brother got closer to his friend and told him something. Something pretty long. Chris listened without uttering a single word. He knew he shouldn't be spying, but... was he really confessing? He hadn't been that serious... he only wanted to tease his brother. He hoped everything went smoothly.
Chris's face went from pale to fire red in a few moments.
Please, Chris, be in love with Daniel...
His prayers were answered when Chris, after Daniel's whole speech, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. Aw...
Well, maybe he was better than Lyla at the whole Love Magic thing. He couldn't wait to tell her later.
When they were finally ready to leave, they gathered at the truck. Charles came back with a Christmas tree, Sean himself with the gifts he'd chosen and those two came back holding hands.
So cute...
"They are very close..." Charles commented looking in the rearview mirror. He sounded perplexed.
"Yup." Sean gave a look as well. He could see Chris resting his head on Daniel's shoulder.
"They really hit it up. It's strange... Chris usually takes a while to make a new friend."
"Dan is a social butterfly, instead."
"I could tell. Well, it's been a good thing you guys came here. Chris really needed someone like Daniel in his life right now. It's been... pretty harsh, lately."
Sean was sure that was also true for Daniel.
A whole afternoon of being a superhero later, Sean called it quits and left the kids to their own devices.
He had a brief phonecall with his dad. He had to reassure him, like he did almost daily, that yes, everything was fine and that no, their grandparents weren't that bad. He would've never guessed the existence of that apprehensive side of his father. Then again, the mix of old grudges and new traumas was probably the reason of his worrying. He couldn't really blame him.
He then called Lyla.
"You'll never guess what happened."
"Last time you said that, you got a dog. Did you adopt another one?"
"Oh no, this time it's much better and... juicier."
"Well, shoot! What is it?"
"I think our little Daniel has scored himself a boyfriend."
"He did what?"
"You heard me. I told you about the kid next door, didn't I?"
"Yup... you said they were fast friends..."
"Looks like they are also gonna be fast boyfriends."
"Color me surprised, Diaz. Who would've ever guessed he liked guys?"
"Yeah, it was quite surprising. And... I think I'm a better Love Magician than you."
"You wish." She laughed. "Maybe this is why he was so on edge recently? Coming out is always hard, even as an adult. I can't imagine what it must be like for a kid."
"I think that's part of the problem, yes. He was convinced he was a freak."
"Poor Daniel. Luckily, you were there to help him."
"Yeah... I hope he'll find the happiness he deserves. I'll be there for him, all the way."
"Someone's smiling." Sean said as he put on his pajama pants.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Daniel tried to hide it by scowling even harder than usual.
"It's kinda hard not to notice that ugly frown went away... and I saw you guys back at the market."
"Were you spying on me? Asshole."
"Hey, you always spy on me, enano. Besides, it wasn't even intentional... at first."
He huffed. "Fine. You were right. He also likes me. Happy?"
"Actually, yes. I'm rooting for you, Dan... and also, now I can say I told you so!"
"I suppose you can enjoy that you were right, for once!"
"You should speak more often with your slow, senile, old brother. He may say something useful, every once in a while!"
He chuckled. "Sure. Emphasis on slow."
"You wound me, little wolf."
"... why did you start calling me that?"
"Little wolf?"
He nodded.
"Well, you started calling me big wolf... it's only fair, isn't it?"
"Right."
"Again! I'm on a roll today."
"Sure looks like it..." His expression darkened once more.
"Hey." He put a hand on Daniel's shoulder. "I know I insisted before, but... I want you to know that when... if, you ever wanna share whatever's troubling you, I'll be here to listen. No pressure."
"No pressure? Promise it."
"I promise, little wolf."
He sighed.
"If I tell you... it'll only dampen the mood, you can't help. Why ruin everything? It's been a fun day."
"Because it's bothering my favorite brother and I wanna help him."
"Alright..." He settled under the covers next to Sean. "... I'll tell you this: how did that cop die?"
"What do you mean?"
"Just think about it." He yawned and hugged Sean, resting his head on his chest. "And you'll start to... understand."
Having said that, he was out cold, leaving Sean alone with a terrible doubt.
Notes:
I'm really happy with how the chapter turned out.
Yeah, the story is about the brothers' relationship, but you know me, I couldn't resist putting in some soft Spiritwolf.
The thing about the mysterious force is a nod to the player helping Sean separate those toys (I kinda forgot which were which first time I played, lol).
Chapter 10: Depression (part four)
Notes:
I finally settled on the number of chapters! One for the first stage, two for the second, and so on and so forth.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
He didn't sleep well that night. Or rather, he didn't sleep at all. He doubted anyone could, in his situation.
Was Daniel... a murderer?
Daniel.
The same Daniel he held in his arms when he was born, the baby whose diapers he changed, the kid he taught how to ride a bike... fuck, he still was a kid, even in that moment. He didn't act like it, sure, but he was nine, for God's sake.
It couldn't be, right? And, if it did happen... it had been an accident. Yes, that must be it. It hadn't been intentional. Case closed. Learning to use superpowers would have been hard for every adult, so it's only normal that a child could... cause some collateral damage.
He looked at his brother's sleeping form. It was one of those rare nights when he didn't move at all. He was serene... but he usually wasn't. Were his night terrors signs of a guilty conscience? Shit, shit, shit. It looked like that was the case.
And what would, or could, Sean do if it hadn't been an accident? What if it had been intentional? What then?
He noticed sunlight coming from the windows. Was it already sunrise? He checked on his phone. Yup.
Guess he'll have to go through the day sleepless. But he could manage that. What he couldn't manage was going any longer without some goddamn answers.
He placed an hand on Daniel's shoulder and softly called for him.
"Enano..."
"Mmh? Is breakfast ready?" Not even Daniel being back to his normal hungry self could placate the growing pit of despair inside of him.
"No. Dan... I wanted to talk. It's about what you told me last night. I..."
"Don't tell me..." He rolled himself so as to get right in Sean's arms. Sean held him close to his chest. Maybe it was better this way: he couldn't bear to look at his brother's eyes in that moment. He was afraid of what he'd find in there. Afraid of that cold, empty void in his stare. "... you've spent all night awake thinking about it, right?"
"I did."
"Well, can't say I didn't warn you that it would be a buzzkill. So, what did you conclude?"
"... it was you who killed him, wasn't it?"
"Right." He nuzzled into Sean's chest, oblivious (or indifferent) to the emotional turmoil he was going through because of him.
"It... it wasn't intentional, right?"
He sighed, more out of exasperation than sadness. "Would you like to hear a nice lie?"
That was it: he didn't need to say anything else. Sean felt like he could throw up. He probably needed to. To get this... whatever this feeling was, out of himself.
What was gonna happen now? Should they tell this to someone? Should he tell this to someone?
The police? No. He wasn't gonna snitch (as Daniel would put it) on his little brother. Besides, his love for policemen hadn't exactly grown in the days following the shooting.
A psychiatrist? Maybe that could be a good call.
Their dad? What would be the point? Break his heart?
He didn't know amymore, he just wanted it all to...
"What happened, cat's got your tongue?" Daniel interrupted his line of thought. "Don't tell me you feel sorry for that sack of shit."
"I don't. But, Daniel, he was still a... person. A human being. You... killed him."
"Shocking, I know." That was definitely sarcasm. "He was about to shoot Dad. Should I have let it happen?"
"No, of course not! And I'll be forever grateful you saved dad, don't get me wrong." That got him a pained expression from Daniel. "But you could have... just broken his arm, or something."
"You're right, I could've. I didn't want to."
Sean couldn't muster up the energy to add anything else. He stared blankly at the kid he thought he knew. The kid who was now a cold-blooded killer. He didn't look remorseful in the slightest.
"Don't be like that. Put yourself in my shoes, instead. An asshole cop is about to shoot our dad because he didn't fucking listen when they were teaching him gun safety, and you can stop him."
"Well, of course I stop him."
"Yeah. And how do you feel?"
"Angry, Daniel. That's normal, given the circumstances."
"Then imagine this. You're getting angry. And then you think about your beautiful life, the family you love so much, everything you have... it will all be torn away from you because one fucking piece of shit is too racist, or incompetent, or both, to stay his hand and not shoot your innocent dad. What do you do, then?"
Sean tried to go back to that afternoon with his mind. To the fear he felt in that instant, when he was convinced he'd lost his dad. And he found out that where there had been fear at the time, there was now anger. Daniel was right. He was angry too. He would have killed, given the chance. Normal people spend a lot of time wondering about what they would do if they had the power to change things. Daniel actually had that kind of power, and he changed things.
Maybe it wasn't the best option, it surely wasn't the most compassionate, but he got him. If someone asked what he'd do to protect his family... killing a potential murderer was something he'd do in a heartbeat, if it meant Daniel and Dad would be safe.
"I think I understand, Dan."
He smiled. "Thank you. See? It was the only possible solution. He had to pay. Besides... even if I broke his arm, he could've still reacted badly, you know? You can shoot even with a single hand. Better safe than sorry."
That sounded like an excuse. But he let Daniel have it.
Sean sighed.
"Sean."
"What is it, enano? You already gave me a lot to think about..."
"It's so like you to muse forever and ever about the morality of stuff."
"Well, it's not anyday that you hear your child brother killed someone, intentionally, little wolf."
"I guess. Child, huh?" He snorted. Still missing the punchline and not one step closer to getting it, unfortunately. "Anyways. This talk was a little... painful." That was one way to put it. "But you deserved to know. And you should get to know everything, especially now that I've done what I had to."
"There's still things you didn't tell me?"
He smiled sheepishly. Which was so fucking wrong and weird, because he'd just casually admitted to a murder. The dissonance was creeping Sean out. "Yup."
"Well, go on then. Can't get much worse than you killing a cop, I guess."
"Oh, it could."
"What?" He asked, alarmed.
"I could have killed someone innocent. Someone who didn't deserve it."
"Oh God... Dan, what did you do?"
"Nothing, I was kidding!" He laughed... Sean couldn't tell if it was out of nervousness or genuine amusement. "I'd never kill innocent people... intentionally. And besides, everything's fine now. You're all safe and sound, and that's what matters."
"Who's us?"
"The people I love, of course."
"Dan, you're not making any sense."
"I know, I must sound like I'm crazy to you. I'm not. Listen... would it be okay for you if I wrote you down everything? And I mean everything." He put a lot of emphasis on that last word.
Sean was getting tired of these promises, but... this time it looked different.
"No more secrets and lies?"
"No more. From now on."
"Deal." He held out his hand.
Daniel grabbed it with both of his smaller ones and shook it. "Deal."
And so starting that same afternoon, after playing with Chris the whole day of course, Daniel began writing. He wrote and wrote and wrote.
It continued into the next day, and the day after that.
He spent the rest of his Christmas holidays writing down... something, whenever he had a moment to spare.
Sean once tried peeking, but Daniel immediately noticed him (he was quite on edge while writing his... confessions?) and telekinetically pushed him out of the room.
He didn't even let Chris know about what he was doing, and that was when Sean realized it was really serious for him. What could be considered more serious than killing a guy, he really didn't know.
By the 26th, the day their dad was gonna come back for them, he still wasn't done writing.
The goodbye with their grandparents was short and sweet. Sean and Daniel promised to come back to visit as soon as they could. Daniel's goodbye with Chris was... way longer and way more difficult, going by the kid's expression. He made Daniel promise, at least three times in a row and then some more later, to call him as often as possible. Their goodbye hug lasted a solid five minutes. Sean of course filmed it all. It was wonderful blackmail material.
... funny, considering he also knew Daniel killed a man. He tried to forget about it. He focused on all the nice memories they were gonna have of that trip.
Daniel finally joined them in the car.
"Don't forget to call Chris, Dan!" Sean said mockingly.
"How very funny." He replied completely deadpan. Sean hoped he wasn't really that annoyed by some harmless brotherly teasing.
"Is Chris that little guy that was hugging you, Daniel?"
"Yes."
"He seems to like you a lot."
Daniel looked worriedly at Sean. As if he was gonna out him to his dad. He was an asshole sometimes, but he wouldn't ever do something shitty like that.
"He's Dan's new best friend."
"Oh, really?" His dad chuckled. "What's Noah gonna say?"
"It's not a competition. They both can be the best."
That was... wise.
"You're right, mijo. So, did you guys have fun?"
The rest of the ride was spent reminiscing about those two weeks in Beaver Creek. Their dad also told them their gifts were waiting back home, but Daniel uncharacteristically (which had become the norm by now) looked disinterested. As soon as their chatting quieted down, he got out the pile of papers he had been writing on and resumed his job.
"What are you writing, Dan?" Their dad asked.
He jumped up in surprise. "Oh, this? It's just... an adventure I lived."
He wasn't lying, judging by his eyes. Who knew what kind of adventure a nine year old could have lived without his family noticing?
"Oh, I see. You planning on becoming a writer?"
"I don't think so, no. Nobody would be interested in what I have to say."
"I would." Sean tried to encourage him.
"You're my brother. It doesn't count."
"Don't be so harsh on yourself, Danielito. You'll always have people that care about what you feel, you know? Even if it's just us. Family always comes first after all."
A look of utter pain crossed his face at their father's comment. "I know." He whispered in response. He didn't say anything after that.
"What do you mean I've got to babysit him?"
"I'm working today, Sean. You know how it is."
"Yeah, but we've just gotten back yesterday after two weeks... I wanted to see Lyla."
"Well, she can come here, like she always does."
"I guess..."
"Or did you want to be all alone with her?" Shit, Lyla was right, he was in on them!
"Nope. No reason at all to do that."
"Then it's settled."
Sean sighed. "Yeah, dad..."
He was sitting on the couch, dejected. He should warn Lyla they couldn't go on a date today.
It was funny to think Daniel still needed to be babysat. There were times when Sean felt like he was the child out of the two of them.
"Hey, I overheard you guys talking." He'd gotten really good at sneaking up. And spying.
"What is it, Dan?" Sean asked with a hint of annoyance in his voice.
"You could just... go out anyways. Make sure you get here before dad, though." Before he could say anything, he continued "I won't snitch on you, cross my heart and hope to die!"
"You know I don't like lying to dad... and what about you? Are you planning something?"
"I'm only planning to sleep, Sean. I'm so tired. And a little white lie never killed anyone... almost never, but you get it." There was an underlying sadness to his tone. Maybe he just needed to be left alone for a while? And despite his intentions to be a good son, finally seeing Lyla was swaying Sean to the dark side.
"Please Sean... I don't feel so good. I wanna rest."
"You're feeling ill? Do you need something?"
"Just peace and quiet. Nothing else. Please..."
Oh, come on... he was pleading now? He couldn't ever say no to that face. Maybe he was spoiling him a little too much. Should he indulge him less?
Well, for once, he decided to shut down all the worries and doubts and enjoy himself.
"Fine, enano. I'll do as you say. Don't make me regret it."
"You worry too much."
"Maybe. By the way, why the hell are you so tired?"
"Oh, right." With his powers, he brought forth the stack of papers he'd been working on. Holy shit... "I'm done. Finally done."
"Wow, that's a lot." He was feeling... a lot of things, apparently. And he'd written all of them down.
"You don't know the half of it. Anyway, I've done everything I had to. I can go now."
"That's a dramatic way to say you need to sleep."
He shrugged. Sean went to grab the... confessions. Daniel stopped him with his telekinesis. "No, you'll be reading them tonight."
"What if I wanna read it now? Or tomorrow?"
"You'll be reading them tonight." He replied, smirking like he knew something Sean didn't. And judging by the size of the tower of paper, he knew quite a lot.
"You can see the future now?"
"Who, me? No, but I can make a good guess."
"I'm going, enano." He warned.
"Don't forget to get home before Dad. Goodbye, Sean." He ran up to him and hugged him.
"I'm just going on a date, Daniel. I'll be back."
"You will." He sentenced, before going back to his room. Strange answer, but then again, everything was strange with him nowadays.
What a beautiful day. For the 27th of December, it was decently sunny. Everything was covered in snow, of course, but that just made everything look cooler. Nice pun.
A shame Daniel was feeling so down. Speaking of him, Sean would have been lying if he'd said he wasn't dying to know the content of Daniel's notes. Did they really hold the answers to all of his bizarre behaviours? He sure hoped so. Who knows why he was so determined to get him out of the house... and why he wanted him to read them exclusively when he came back. Or why he wrote that shit in the first place instead of talking. They were open with each other... they used to be, at least... what got him so upset that he couldn't tell Sean face to face?
A little worry started creeping in. Maybe he didn't want him to hear it but to read it at a specific time because... he needed the time to do something else. Something Sean would've stopped him from doing.
He was in the middle of the sidewalk when he ground to a halt. A guy behind him almost slammed into him.
His heartbeat started accelerating.
Something Sean would've stopped, those notes and the way he spoke that morning, like he had been saying goodbye forever...
There were now full blown alarms going off in his head. Those weren't confessions. It was a suicide note.
He turned back and immediately started running home. Holy shit, he had almost arrived at the skate park by then. He prayed to whatever God may be listening to him to make it in time.
He dialed his girlfriend's number along the way.
"Lyla, I... I need to check on something. I'll be late. Sorry."
"Sean, are you alright? You sound terrified."
"I'll tell you later."
He closed the call. He hated hanging up on her like that (he was surely gonna give her anxiety, big time) but he had to focus on running.
Run. That's what he did best, right? So run he did.
Out of breath, with his lungs burning and his legs hurting like hell, he made it home. He unlocked the door. His hands were shaking so badly he had to try a couple of times before succeeding.
He looked around their house. There was no one to be found. He called out for Daniel, but got no answer.
On the kitchen counter, he saw a bottle and some cans. All empty. And they weren't there when he'd left home. It had been what, half an hour at most? Shit.
He got closer. Those were beer cans. And that one bottle was some Mexican liquor his father had been holding on for a toast at Sean's eighteenth birthday. How did Daniel find it? How did he even know about it? It was hidden in their dad's room.
That much alcohol couldn't be good for a kid, right?
But most of all, where the fuck was he?
He checked his room immediately after the kitchen. Empty. The pile of papers was the only thing left on his desk. It was placed there to be noticed. A grim reminder he had to hurry.
He finally heard something: Mushroom's whimpering, coming from downstairs.
He was there in a second. The dog was scratching at the garage door. He silently thanked her for calling out. The door was, of course, locked.
"Danny! Are you in there?"
He heard a gasp. A gasp for air.
Fuck, fuck... what could he do? A million thoughts ran through his mind.
He realized he had no other choice but to break that fucking door.
He charged it, slamming himself at full force against the wooden surface. It was probably gonna hurt like a motherfucker later, but he had no time to worry about it. Thanks, adrenaline.
He did it again and again, until the door, or the lock, or whatever the fuck it was gave in and he was on the other side.
Daniel was hanging from one of the ceiling beams, a belt tightened to it... and to his neck. A chair had been kicked down right below him.
Please, don't be...
He rushed to him and held him as up as he could. Looking around himself, he was reminded of his father's tools. A hacksaw: there was one there, thank fuck. He grabbed it and quickly sawed the belt off, catching his brother as he fell, then he gently put him down on the ground. He'd been wearing his favorite sweater, the racoon themed one their father bought him all those weeks ago.
His face was becoming bluish for the lack of air and blood. He was sweating profusely.
Sean put a hand on his neck. He could still hear his pulse, faint but present. Blood was still flowing.
He read once that people who hung themselves were often found with clawmarks on their neck, as they regretted their choice while suffocating and subsequently tried to escape. Daniel had none of that, though, just the bruise from the belt. He'd really wanted to die... why?
It didn't matter. He was still likely going to die from alcohol poisoning if he didn't do something quickly. He called 911 and requested for an ambulance.
He found himself praying, and it was the second time that day, that there was no traffic on the road.
A small groan came from his brother.
"Dan?"
He opened his eyes, but before he could answer he turned his head to the side and threw up what looked like everything he'd ever eaten, all at once.
"Daniel... stay with me, please. Keep your eyes open!"
His voice was barely above a whisper. "Sean?"
"I'm here, enano."
"You came back." He coughed out.
"I'm not going anywhere now."
"Why?"
"I was worried. Thank God I was."
He grinned. "The one time... I do want you to leave me alone, you come. You're really... an asshole, Sean..." He closed his eyes once more.
"No, no, no! Daniel, please, answer me..."
But he didn't say another word.
Notes:
I'm (not) sorry! And I'm leaving you on a cliffhanger because I'm evil.
Anyway, notice how at the end Daniel never actually lies ,even if he hides his true intentions? He promised his brother that he wouldn't lie and so he didn't.
Chapter 11: Acceptance
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
He'd been pacing down that corridor for... he lost count. Must've been over an hour, maybe two.
Doctors had told him his brother was gonna get his stomach pumped. And even if everything went according to plan, he was still gonna be anaesthetised before the procedure. So he'd have to wait hours there. Still, he couldn't bring himself to do anything else. Guilt was eating away at him. How could he be so blind? Or, in other words, so stupid?
Daniel had played him so well.
And now, because of his negligence he risked... no. He didn't even want to consider that. He was gonna pull through. He was a Diaz, he was resilient.
He thought about those notes... it was the only thing he'd made sure to grab, before coming to the hospital. He could read them but... it felt somewhat like invading his brother's privacy. Fuck them. Daniel was gonna survive and then he was gonna tell him to his face why he did what he did. No stupid paper was ever gonna do that for him.
Were there clear signals? Was all that weirdness a presage of things to come? Maybe, but that wasn't it. He still didn't have the full picture.
... he should have insisted more. He should've... been a better brother.
"Sean!" That was his father's voice. He didn't feel ready to confront him, but he had to, sooner or later.
He'd failed him. He'd only asked for Sean to care for his brother... but of course he had to go out and have fun, no time for family.
He'd failed Lyla, too. He left her a text saying Daniel was in the hospital and that he'd explain later. And yet he still hadn't told her anything. He felt paralized. Even taking out his phone was too much of an effort.
And he'd failed Daniel, of course. How could he ever...
"What happened?" Dad had placed a hand on his shoulder, shaking him out of it. Sean briefly met his gaze. There was so much worry in all of his features. If he'd looked a decade older after that incident with the cop (shit, that had been intentional... how could they ever tell him that?), he now looked ancient. Like centuries of pain had all fallen upon him.
Fighting back his tears, he whispered "Dan tried to... kill himself." Saying it out loud for the first time made it even more real. It happened, and now they'd have to live with the consequences. He hoped they wouldn't be too harsh. He'd even prayed for that, and he didn't know wheter to feel like an hypocrite or just plain ridiculous.
"What do you mean... kill himself?" His dad looked incredulous. Couldn't blame him. He was having a hard time believing it himself.
"I found him in the garage, hanging from the ceiling. With a belt around his neck."
"Was he still..." Dad seemed ready to throw up. Sean might join him later.
"Yes. I came just in time. But he'd also drunk all those beers in the fridge. And that old liquor you kept in your room. That's why he's here now."
"I see. Dios mío. Did he leave some... explaination?"
Should he tell him? Maybe keep it vague?
"I saw some papers. Didn't really check them." It wasn't a lie. "But we're gonna hear it from him, when he wakes up. Because he will!"
His father sat down. He put his face in his hands, then sighed. Sean didn't envy him: he had to show strength even if he was just as desperate as him.
But then came the fateful question. "Where were you, Sean?"
"I... he'd told me he was just gonna go to sleep. He convinced me to go out and..."
His father wordlessly nodded. Maybe he was fighting the urge to slap him. Sean himself was. He knew his punishment would be spectacular, once things settled. He'd take it. He'd rather be grounded for life, if it meant his brother would be back home safe and sound.
He sat next to his dad, then fell in his arms sobbing. He embraced him, still not uttering a single word.
After bawling his eyes out, he let the tiredness overcome him.
"Mr Diaz?"
Sean jolted awake. "Yes?" He asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He hoped those were good news.
"Your brother woke up, he'd like to speak with you."
Thank God. Maybe there really was one, after all. "Is he alright?"
"He's gonna make it. Thanks to you."
"What do you mean?"
"If you didn't call an ambulance as soon as you did, the alcohol could have caused lasting damages."
He did one thing right, then. Small victories.
He turned to his dad. "Do you want to..."
He gestured for Sean to go. "He wants his brother. Go to him."
He practically bolted to his room.
There he was. A needle was stuck into his arm, connected to some machinery. Sean had no idea what those were supposed to do. He was wearing the standard hospital gown. The trace of the belt on his neck was noticeable. He looked quite upset, like being here was a bother.
Sean went to hug him, careful not to touch anywhere that might hurt. He immediately stiffened when they made contact.
"Danny..." He let his tears fall. He didn't care if Daniel saw him.
"Hey." He muttered, raising his free arm to pat on Sean's shoulder. "... don't cry. I'm alive, am I not?"
"I don't know what I would have done without you."
"You would've probably found out your life is much better without me ruining it."
"Don't be stupid. You're my brother, I love you. Nothing is gonna change that."
He sighed. "What a shitshow. Can't even kill myself right."
"Dan, don't say that."
"It's true." He shrugged. "If I hadn't drunk that much, I would have remembered to block the door. Forgot a kid's body can't handle a lot of alcohol."
The indifference with which he spoke of taking his own life gave Sean goosebumps.
... kid's body?
"Can you believe our house lacks any kind of support from which you can hang yourself? I had to go to the garage. I would have preferred dying in my room, to be honest. Oh, make sure the hospital gives me back my racoon sweater, ok? I'd hate to lose that. It's my favorite."
Sean nodded, speechless. How could he be so calm? Sean was feeling like he was the crazy one there. He decided to change topic.
"How are you feeling now?"
"Disappointed." Before he could object, he continued. "Don't worry, I don't plan on trying it again in the near future. But I guess you and dad won't let me out of your sight from now on, right?"
Sean could only nod once again.
"How's dad? I didn't want to... ah, shit. He's probably sick with worry."
"He is."
"Fuck, I hope our insurance covers this. I should get out of here as soon as possible, I don't want you wasting any more money on me."
"You'll get out when the doctors say you can."
"Come on, I'm fine."
"And I spoke with dad. Money is the last of our problems, right now."
"If it's necessary, I'll find a way to help."
"Dan, you're nine. What do you think you can do?"
Daniel gave him a strange look. Then he continued speaking. "I'm also sorry I got you into trouble. I didn't mean for that to happen."
"It's ok. I forgive you."
"When dad comes here, I'll beg him to go easy on you. It's not your fault I'm so good at manipulating." Like that was something to brag about.
"About that... how did that happen? When did you..."
"Stop feeling anything and you'll find it's very easy to play pretend with any kind of emotion." He said it so coldly... he sounded like another person altogether.
He had to ask.
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why did you do this? You... you can always talk with me and dad, I told you. We'll listen. We can get you the help you need by ourselves or maybe..."
"Sean. You did read my suicide note, right?" And yet again, he spoke of it like it was nothing.
"No."
"You had me write a whole fucking novel on how I felt and what led me to this... and you didn't even read it?" He looked ready to bite Sean's head off.
"I... couldn't do that. It's yours. There was no suicide. So if you don't want me to know what's in there, I'll accept it."
His expression softened. "You're so stupid. Even after what I did, you're still respecting my personal space?" He sighed. "Why do you make it so hard to be angry at you?"
"Because you're gonna have to deal with me for the rest of your life, like it or not." He ruffled Daniel's hair. "And I'm the older brother, so I'll be dying first, okay?"
He visibly cringed when he said that last part. "... sure. But I wouldn't have written that shit if I didn't want you to know. In that case, I'd have just killed myself without any of you ever knowing any better. But it'd be too cruel, even for me. You guys deserve some closure."
Since when was he "cruel"?
"Then tell me, please."
He passed a hand on his neck. "I don't know, my throath kinda hurts right now." He grinned, expecting Sean to join in on the fun. He just glared at his brother, unimpressed. "Joke too tasteless for you, huh?"
"You could say that."
"Fine. Just ask your questions then. Be warned, there's nothing I hate more than talking about myself."
"Why? Why this... and why now?"
"The now is easy. I fixed all I had to. Killed that bastard, saved Mushroom, saved Chris. Even made you reconnect with the Reynolds, as a bonus."
Everything was starting to make just a little more sense. He still had to grasp why Daniel spoke of it as if it had already happened, though.
"It was kinda cruel of you to make me talk with Chris, you know?"
"I didn't know that..."
"I'm fucking with you. I couldn't exactly tell you that I was gonna keep that crush for myself because I planned on committing suicide, could I?"
"I suppose." He frowned.
"Don't be like that. I'm here, right? Not that happy about it, but still. We can't always have what we want... God, I know that all too well. You got your wish though: I haven't left you."
"You speak of it as if it was no big deal."
"Because that's what I think. People die everyday, and most don't even deserve it, unlike me."
The fact he was supposed to be nine made their exchange all the more surreal. He'd ask about that soon enough.
"You wanted to know why. That's a little harder to accept. Even for me. I thought... killing that bastard cop would make me feel better. Don't get me wrong, it did. And I'd do it again: I enjoyed every moment of it." That feral, wolfish look returned. Was that why he was so obsessed with them? He felt like a predator? "But then, I started feeling empty again. I decided to take it out on you, then. After all, this whole mess is kind of your fault."
Sean already felt responsible, there was no need to double down on it. But he felt compelled to ask it all the same. "How is it my fault? I don't understand."
"Because if you'd just let me show you my Halloween costume, I wouldn't have bothered Brett. You two wouldn't have fought, so there would be no getting that idiot pig's attention... and all that followed."
But he hadn't asked him to see his costume. That day was forever etched into his memory. He'd remember that.
"Hurting you did nothing. Because, in the end, you aren't the one truly responsible. And besides, I still love you way too much."
Sean's head was starting to hurt. "Then who is?"
He spat out "Take a guess."
"You?"
"I spent all these years feeling horrible... angry, desperate, wishing for revenge. And then I realized the person responsible for everything was... me. The one I hated more than anything... it was me. That's why."
Now it made sense. Vaguely. There was another big question that he had to ask.
"What could you have possibly done... to make you feel like this, Dan?"
Daniel exhaled, then locked his eyes with Sean's. "I killed you, Sean."
Notes:
The solution to this mystery is fast approaching! Hope you liked the chapter! 3
Chapter 12: Acceptance (part two)
Notes:
I'm SO freaking late for this...
University's been hectic these past weeks. But I should be done with exams for now, so hopefully I'll be able to post the remaining chapters at the usual pace.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"I killed you, Sean."
Sean could feel those words echo in his head over and over again. It didn't make any sense. Maybe he meant it metaphorically? Yet, the look in his eyes... he was dead serious. And kinda dead inside.
Call it a sixth sense between brothers, but he knew they were true, or at least, true for Daniel. As absurd as they sounded.
The drugs. The anaesthetics, or whatever they're called. That must have been it. He was still hazy because of them, so that's why he sounded so convinced.
"Dan, I think you're still confused from the drugs they gave you. We'll talk later, ok?"
Daniel just stared at him with a vacuous expression.
He couldn't even explain why, but seeing his brother like that... he only wanted to run. Far, far away. His whole life was just an endless race, huh?
As he got up, he was pushed back down. Hard enough to make a point, but not to hurt him.
"You aren't going anywhere. Now you listen to me. You'll hear all of the shit I've got to say. And you aren't fucking running away, you spineless bastard." He was furious, clearly. But he didn't even raise his voice or change his tone that much.
That magic power brothers had of knowing each other's thoughts also worked for Daniel. Sean gulped and stopped trying to move. It would be useless anyway.
"While we're at it, stop treating me like a child. I'm older than you. And way more experienced than you, in anything." Going by his satisfied smirk, he'd been waiting ages to tell him that.
"You're what?"
"You heard me right. I'm seventeen... eighteen maybe? I lost count. I stopped caring after thirteen anyways. What's the point in keeping count if it means nothing to you?"
"How would that be possible?"
"Time travel." A beat of silence. He chuckled. It was a low, awful sound, full of malice and... despair. "Now that I say it out loud, it sounds so stupid."
"You can also do that?"
"I'm pretty sure I already told you that I can't. But someone else is able to."
He must've had quite the look on his face, because he glanced at him, then continued laughing. "What? Surprised?"
"I don't know what to say..."
"You have no problem accepting telekinesis, but time travel is where you draw the line? Quite a selective fantasy you've got, brother dearest." Of course he said it in the least brotherly tone imaginable.
"It's just... how do I know you're not making this up? I can see you using telekinesis, but this..."
"And how do you think I always knew where to go and what to do? How did I know Mushroom'd be there, or that you'd reconcile with our grandparents, or that Chris would fall on that specific day... or that I'd have to kill that exact cop in that exact moment."
"You..." He wouldn't, right?
"Oh yes." He nodded with glee. "Not only it was intentional, it was premeditated. Life without the possibility of parole, or maybe the death penalty. What do you think I deserve?"
"Daniel... why?"
"You could have read why, Sean. You chose not to, so you have to bear with me here. You wanted to hear your sweet little brother tell you everything, did you not? So, what do you think would be a fitting punishment for me, huh? You're the older brother, it's your duty to punish me."
"I think I need to know everything first." He didn't like where this was going. Not one bit.
"Fair. I'd say death, if you want my opinion. Not for dearly departed Officer Matthews, of course. I did other heinous things. And I was trying to execute the death sentence... before you stopped me."
"Just... tell me the truth, Dan. Please."
"Fine." He exhaled, slowly. "Where do I start? From what I did... or from what you did?"
This was it. This had been the point all along. What Sean himself did... in another timeline, apparently. He still wasn't sure whether to believe him or not about it... then again, what he said made sense. And you can't just learn a new language, or get all these experiences when you're a nine year old in a normal home.
"What I did." He looked him in the eyes. For the first time in a long while, he saw some respect in there.
"You didn't choose what I expected. Very well." He cleared his voice.
Sean clenched his fists, trying to ignore the growing pit of dread in his stomach.
"Once upon a time, in a wild, wild world... there was a family. Two brothers and their dad. One day, the younger brother had been working on a very special project. He wanted to show it to his elder sibling, who was the person he loved the most in the whole world." He spat the last part out with such bitterness it made Sean shiver.
"I'm sorry." That came out before he could even think about it.
"I... see. Nevermind. This is not what I want you to apologize for. So the kid decided to go play with someone else. Unfortunately, he was really fucking stupid..." And yet, as angry as he was at Sean, it looked like he hated himself just as much, if not more. "...so he chose the worst person possible."
"Brett? So that also happened... the other time?"
He nodded.
"And the cop came..."
"Right. But that time, I didn't know about these powers."
"So, he... shot Dad."
Daniel paused. His gaze softened, just for a moment. "I don't remember that moment, you know? And... I'm glad I don't. Dad's only rarely ever happeared in my nightmares. His death was still my fault, after all. But I guess he protected me from over the grave, by keeping those images away from me." He shook his head. "That's stupid, of course, I know."
"What did we do then?"
"I blew up half of our house in a fit of rage, cop included. That's when we discovered this... little gift from mother nature, or God, or whoever. And then, you panicked."
"I can't even begin to imagine... how I must have felt." Seeing that stranger die in front of him had messed him up real good. Seeing his dad... that must've messed him up real good. "Daniel, we're just kids... things like that shouldn't happen to us. Especially from those who're supposed to protect us."
"Don't you think I know?" He replied immediately. "Anyways, I understand why you panicked... and why you decided to run."
"From the police?"
"Yeah. You thought they'd blame us. Looking at it now, there was no proof we did anything wrong... but you gave them a reason to hunt us down by running away. You were also worried they'd separate us... when we would've most likely ended up with our grandparents. Quite a braindead moment from you, I must say. And it became even funnier when we found ourselves there anyway, this time while on the run."
"Shit... how could I have been so stupid?"
"I've been asking myself the same thing for years." He answered, ruthless as always. But maybe Sean did deserve it, if things really went like that.
"That's when... we met them again, right? And Chris, too?"
"Yes."
"What about Mushroom?"
"We picked her up at the same place as this time. Though, the circumstances were quite different."
He told Sean all about their terrible encounter with the station owner.
"And then we started a competition on who's dumber. I picked up a dog while we were on the road, you let me keep her while knowing we had nothing and couldn't care for her."
"So what happened to her?"
"She got..." He stopped. "... fuck. It never gets easier. She got eaten by a fucking mountain lion... or whatever it was. A big cat."
As much as Sean had been annoyed at first, he'd grown to love the little (though she was getting kinda big now) bundle of fur in a couple of hours... to think about her meeting such a grisly end...
He wanted to throw up. To get out of that room. Away from that gaze...
He wanted to run. Again. He had to be a man for once in his life. Daniel needed him now.
He touched Daniel's hand (the one without any medical equipment). He squeezed it. He half expected his brother to just pull away, or take him off by magical force, but he didn't.
Sensing he'd somewhat relaxed, Sean said "Please, go on."
"I was convinced you'd have run away by now."
Was there any point in lying? "I would really like to. To just... pretend nothing of this is happening. Go back to our normal lives."
"We can always do that. I can keep pretending. I'm already damned, a little more lying won't change anything."
"We won't. I'm here for you now. I won't..."
"Don't you dare." It was an order, but it came out more like a plea. "Don't promise. You failed miserably last time you did."
"Then I'll try my best."
"That's better."
And so he went on.
Their time with their grandparents... Daniel said it was the last time he'd ever really been happy. And judging by how tired he always was, Sean had no trouble believing him.
He told him about their experiences as drifters... apparently those two guys they'd met at the market had played a much larger role than "cool people Sean spoke to once". He'd been in a sort of relationship with... the guy. Seemed as if his alternate self lost all the inhibitions that normally stopped him from flirting with guys. Not that it mattered now, he had a girlfriend... who he didn't even text to tell her he was okay... or what happened. He was such a failure.
The most shocking part was the cult. He couldn't even begin to think about his only remaining family being brainwashed and renouncing him. Imagining was already hard, who knows how tough it must've been living through it?
What had happened to his eye... maybe it had been some divine retribution for all the heartache he'd put his brother through. Be that as it may, he had forgiven his brother for that, and he did it with one eye. There was no way he wouldn't do it now that he still had two.
"I understand, Dan. It was an accident."
"The same fucking words! As if I ever had a doubt that it's still you. Maybe the memories aren't there, but you are. The brother I loved... and the one I hate."
Ignoring how that words had been like a sword through his heart, he begged him to go on. Even through all the hurt they'd been living (for the first time, in his case), he wanted to know how it ended... why things were the way they were between them. What could he have done?
What he absolutely hadn't been expecting was hearing about her... Karen. He couldn't believe his ears.
"You didn't like it one bit last time either. You changed your mind, though."
"I doubt it."
"You did. You even left her a little goodbye note before we went to Mexico." He looked ready to throw up when he said that last part.
"Do you know where she is now, then?"
"Yes. Want to know?"
"No. Not at all."
"Figured."
"If what you say is... was, true, then... I don't know. I won't hate her as much?"
"This is your choice to make, Sean."
"How do you feel about her, Dan?"
That took him by surprise. "You want my opinion?" Had he treated him so badly that he was shocked Sean asked for his opinion?
"Of course. I know you feel like it's not true, but I care about it. A lot."
"Very well. Looking at it now that I'm an adult..." It still sounded so strange hearing that in a child's voice. But the more he spoke, the more Sean knew what he was saying was the truth. There was wisdom behind his words. And not the wisdom that came from a happy life. "... I understand her. She was a shitty parent, don't get me wrong. On the other hand, she left because she tried not to drag us down with her in her misery. And she helped when we had no one else. So that's that. I don't hate her, I don't love her."
"I see. I think you're right."
"If only you'd listened to me then... doesn't matter now, I guess."
"What happened at the border?"
"That. We reached it, safe and sound. I tore down the fucking wall."
"Woah! Seriously?"
Take that, stupid racists. Angry Hispanic kids tear down the border wall. Would have been a nice title for front page articles.
"Does it look like I'm in the mood for jokes?"
"Sorry. It's... incredible, Daniel."
"Maybe I should have tried to be the leader of some kind of political movement."
"That one sure was a statement, no doubts about it."
"And then..." He chuckled. "... I got fucking shot."
"What?"
"Two rednecks who decided they were border security did it. They thought we were going in, instead of the other way around..." He erupted into full blown laughter. "It's been years and I... just can't stop laughing. We were moments away from an happy ending... and then it was torn away from us. Yet another time."
He looked so broken. What could he even do to help with this?
"Dan..."
"But we managed to survive that too. We... well, I did, you just bossed me around... destroyed the fucking police station we were all brought in. And we got back to the border. Picture this. At least twenty cops, angry and ready to shoot, in all directions. Us two in mom's old pick-up, bawling our eyes out. Freedom just a few feet away from us."
Sean closed his eyes and imagined the scene. It felt hopeless, with or without superpowers. "Sounds horrible."
"It was. Not as much as what you did next."
"I gave up?"
"Oh, you didn't just give up." He went blank faced once again. "Sean, let's face it. Our time on the run made you callous, selfish. And it happened real fast. I'd even say you were ruthless. You cared about nothing but us two. Whether it was the circumstances or you always had it in you, I don't know. Same thing applies to me, I guess. I've only followed in your footsteps, after all. We really are birds of a feather... or a pack of rabid wolves."
"What did I do?"
"Uhm, let's see." He licked his lips. It seemed he was gonna enjoy tearing him a new one. "You lied to me about dad's death, to keep me manageable ... I had to find it out from the news on TV. You forced me to let grandpa get hurt by a fallen cupboard instead of using my powers because we had to hide them from the world. Except for whenever they were useful to you, because in that case, I could use them all I wanted. You made me leave Chris to... get run over by a police car. Thank God he turned out fine, just a broken bone or two." If looks could kill, Sean'd be dead a dozen times over.
"I'm sor..."
"I'm not done. We'd found our place in the world, at our grandparents'. But then we had to run away because you..." Every "you" sounded more accusatory than the last. Sean felt himself become smaller and smaller under the weight of... his sins? Things he could've done. Things he would've done. "... couldn't resist checking on your stupid socials, cluing the cops on our location. You made me participate in a fucking heist! Using my powers, of course. You let me kill and maim whenever I felt angry... or whenever it was useful."
He sighed. Maybe he was done with his rant.
Sean didn't know what to say. That guy... was him?
"But you know what? I understood. I approved. I truly got it. Because we only had each other to care for and protect. Us against the whole fucking world. And then... then, when we were so close to freedom, when I was ready to kill a fucking army of people for you... you give up. You betrayed me. You wanted to surrender. Our lives be damned."
All he ever did was running away. Taking the easy way out. He could see himself giving up. Maybe he thought it'd be better for Daniel, maybe he was just tired. He'd never know. "You felt like I gave up on you, right Dan?"
"Felt? You did! After all that shit we endured. And when I tried to fix your mess..." He calmed down. "... I wasn't good enough, back then. I wasn't able to kill, drive and deflect bullets at the same time. Now I can, by the way. It says a lot about me that I found myself in that same situation again, years later." He laughed. A single tear escaped from his eye. He swatted it away with his free hand as soon as he noticed. "So I couldn't save you. A bullet got through and you died. In an instant. Not even telling goodbye. You died that day. But I didn't survive either."
Sean embraced him. Daniel let out a sob and hugged back.
"I would've forgiven you, you know? Even if you betrayed me. But you died on me, so I never got to tell you that. I don't know if saying it now means anything, but..."
Sean held him tighter. "I'm sure that I... that other me, he knew. We don't need to talk to tell how the other feels, right?"
He nodded.
"You didn't mean for that to happen." He comfortingly rubbed his back, trying to calm him down.
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions." He tightened his grip on Sean. Daniel was doing his best not to cry. If he were a kid, it'd be endearing. Given their... situation, it was just tragic.
"And I know you're tired of my promises, of my cowardice and all that." He left him to look him in the eyes. "Daniel. I won't leave you alone ever again, alright? I'll be there to help you fight your demons... if you still want me to be."
He looked off to the side, stopping eye contact. He didn't answer for a while, but then a tiny smile appeared on his face and he said "I'll be killing you intentionally this time, if you abandon me once again."
"Then I'd better be the best brother I can."
Notes:
Just to be clear: this Daniel's original Sean was one who made basically all of the worst possible choices. So that's why he's so messed up. But more on that next time!
Hope you enjoyed thus far.
Chapter 13: Acceptance (part three)
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"So... how was your life there?" Well, they had to talk about that, eventually. Might as well do that now that they were in the "confessing" mood.
"Lonely and shitty." He paused, looking away. His gaze was lost in whatever hell had been tormenting him all this time. "I guess... you want me to elaborate." He said slowly and carefully. Like he was treading on dangerous terrain.
"If you want to share, Dan. I'm not forcing you to do anything, this time." As much as he was curious, he wouldn't violate his brother's trust ever again.
He had the ghost of a smile on his lips. "Much appreciated."
He massaged his throath, where the belt had been. It'd take time for that bruise to disappear. It would also take time for Sean's mind to erase the image of his brother hanging from the ceiling, just a few seconds away from death.
"My throath is killing me. Could you get me something to drink?"
"I don't know if you can..."
"I can. Not the first time I'm recovering from alcohol poisoning. Wasn't even in a hospital, back then."
"Ok." Was there any point in questioning him? Maybe, but he sounded like he knew what he was talking about.
As he was about to open the door, he heard his brother chuckling.
"Reminds me of... nevermind. Go, please." He sounded so defenseless when he said that. Sean hurried.
He took the long way around. He wasn't ready to face his father yet. Should they tell him? Probably. It was up to his brother to decide though. He wasn't gonna take away his agency any longer.
He texted Lyla they were okay and that he'd explain later. Should they tell her instead? Fuck, he had no idea.
Being confronted with the possibility he could become a horrible person was... strange. Of course, he knew everyone had the chance to make terrible decisions anytime, he wasn't stupid. But to know for certain that you would actually make them, in slightly different circumstances... what did that say about him?
What kind of person was he?
He knew he wasn't exceptional, as far as brothers go. He was more a middle of the road kinda guy, not good, not bad. Just indifferent... like in everything else he ever attempted.
He'd never stopped to consider how his actions influenced Daniel, how much he mattered to him. He looked up to him... used to.
And what did Sean teach him?
Self-loathing, apparently. Also, selfishness and pettiness.
Great job, Diaz.
He couldn't change what happened... Daniel instead could. He found a way to. He was always the special one, out of the two of them. Destined for great things. He didn't mind, truly. Sean never loved being the centre of attention... nor felt like the protagonist of a story. More of a side character. One who'd undermined the importance of his own actions.
He'd reached the vending machine.
He pressed the button for a soda after putting a few coins in. As he looked at the various snacks, he saw a Chock-o-Crisp. Daniel still loved these, right?
When he got back to the room, Daniel hadn't moved much. He was staring out the window. It looked like he was weighing his chances to get out through there. He sniffed and wiped at his eyes, then turned to Sean. Sean pretended not to have noticed he was crying. Daniel immediately saw the delicacy in his hand.
"If you were trying to bribe eternal love out of me... consider yourself successful."
He avidly unwrapped the cereal bar as soon as Sean handed it to him. In a matter of seconds it was gone. He hadn't lost his appetite. A good thing.
"Someone's got low standards."
"You have no idea how low they actually are."
"Hey. It's over now. I'm here." He tried to ruffle his hair, but Daniel moved away from him.
"You do understand that it'll take a while before I'm really convinced you aren't leaving me again at the worst of times, don't you?"
"I do."
"Good. Let's get this over with, then. The sooner I stop thinking about this, the better. Don't even know if I can stop, but I'll try to. So, next time we have to relay this story, you'll do the talking."
"Fine, little wolf. Who... we gotta tell it to?"
"Asking for my opinion... nice. A for effort."
Ouch.
"Don't give me that look. It'll take time, I just warned you."
"Right." Sean sat down. This time it was Daniel who searched for his hand. Sean took it, patiently waiting for him to start.
"Mexico... what a warm welcome. I don't even know how I was able to get to the right spot, that is, dad's old house. It all went by in a blur. I followed the map like you taught me to and asked for directions whenever I was confused. Those conversations were fucking painful. And not only because of my broken Spanish." His tone got flat and lifeless. " Is your brother ok? He looks ill they said." He chuckled. "That's what everyone asked."
"You drove around with..."
" Oh, he's fine. He's just dead tired ." He laughed and laughed. There was no joy to be found in that laughter, though. "What can I say? Dead looking teen at the wheel is still less suspicious then child driving alone with a body in the backseat. Though someone was bound to have noticed how blood soaked we were... I was. You weren't there, not really."
The desire to throw up everything he had ever eaten was strong... as strong as his admiration for his (then actually ten year old) brother's survival instinct. Dad wasn't kidding when he said Diaz men were strong.
"Everytime I see you sleep..." Daniel touched his cheek, as if he were making sure Sean wasn't gonna evaporate right then and there. He put his hand on top of his brother's. It was so small... and frail, in that moment. "... I see that lifeless eye staring back at me."
"Why did you insist on sleeping together back in Beaver Creek then?"
"You're still the only one that makes me feel safe. Yeah, I'm all kinds of fucked up, I know."
"You aren't."
"Wait till you hear the next part!" Sean by now knew better than to let himself be unsettled by that faked glee. It was his way of... not going crazy after all he lived through. He himself probably wouldn't have fared much better if he were in Daniel's shoes.
"You buried me?"
"Right by the side of Dad's old house. I made a small cross. Wrote your name on it." There wasn't a hint of emotion in his voice. "Then I got in. I lay down. There, in the dirt, where I belonged. I spent... I think a day? Maybe two? Can't have been more than two, I would have died from the lack of water, right?"
Sean nodded. It's not like he was an expert on that.
"I didn't move. I stayed there, all that time. In dirt, blood and piss. Never felt more in the right place than in that moment."
Sean grimaced. "What happened next?"
"I waited. Death. God. The end of that nightmare. Something. I got three hoodlums who, passing by the house, kicked down that small cross I made. I heard them. They were probably making fun of you. I didn't understand perfectly at the time. But I knew what they were doing, so I reached them."
"Then...?" He feared he knew where this was going.
"Then I had fun. Sean, you saw how nice my powers are, right?"
He gulped, then nodded.
"I can make you fly, I can reach high places, I can lift heavy stuff. I can even change channels on the tv remote without getting up to grab it."
"I know..."
"But, I can also do very bad I was done with them, I think they had to use dental records to identify what was left."
"God..." It was exactly as bad as he suspected. Maybe worse, because...
"You know what the weird part is?" Weird... that word had been tormenting him lately. "You'd think reducing a living, breathing thing to a puddle of meat and blood would make you feel something. To watch their blood vessels burst, their organs fly away, their tendons snap. I felt nothing. Some vague amusement, and that's it. I didn't feel guilty. And about that one, I still don't."
"You were angry. And a child. Alone and afraid..."
"I was, and am, evil. There's nothing more to say. At least I admit it."
Was that a jab at him?
"No, I wasn't talking about you, Sean." That's a relief. "Was it always that easy to read you?"
"We... I think we have a special bond, you know?"
"Maybe." A genuine smile, for once. "I replayed, in my mind, every moment we spent together. Millions of times. Your sketchbook was one of the few things... maybe the only one, keeping me sane."
"And after killing those guys... what did you do?"
"Word spread around. At first they thought I was some kind of demon haunting that town. The first people who came were just stupid teens who wanted to visit a scary place. I gave them something to be scared of... didn't kill anyone else though, so even more people came. So eventually, some tough guys joined the fun to check on me... to see if those rumors about a child being able to massacre three adults by himself were right. I confirmed by breaking one of their legs. Then they took me in."
"You worked with..."
"The cartels, yeah. Not like I had any other choice. Besides, what could a child with the power to kill anyone without leaving a trace do, other than contract killing? Lobo, make this guy disappear. Lobo, clean up this scene. Lobo, make mincemeat of these people. My favorite thing to do was when I just had to terrorize someone. At least then I didn't have to really harm anyone."
"Lobo?"
"My stage name. I was Daniel Diaz no longer. You told me I'd always have that... but you were wrong. I was just a beast. And I don't think that's ever gonna change."
"That's how you... survived?"
"I'm surprised you can still look me in the eyes."
"You are still my brother. You're still Daniel Diaz."
"No, I'm not!" A wave of energy hit the room. Luckily there was only them. Sean made a note to pick back up all the things that Daniel pushed off the shelves. "I'm a monster. I did all those horrible things..."
"But you didn't."
"... what?"
Medical appliances, chairs and whatnot came down gently to the ground.
"You didn't do them, now. Those people are still alive."
"But I did, not now, sure. But..."
"But you came back, to right that wrong."
"So what, am I a fucking hero now? Superwolf or however the fuck you wanna call me?"
"You're someone who did something heinous... and then put it right. You're doing your best. Can't ask much more than this from a guy, can we?"
He wanted to rebut something. But he found no arguments. So he sighed. "You always had a way with words." He admitted. "Maybe it works only on me, though."
"Hey, still better than nothing. After all, you are important to me... the most important person in my life, actually."
"Bullshit." Sean sensed he was done talking of that, so he didn't insist. "Anyways, some years, many deaths and a few banks robberies later, I'm seventeen. You've been gone for seven years. I've been gone for seven years. And I haven't got a lot to say about that time, so we'll skip to the end."
"So, about how you got back?"
"Right. I'm not skipping the previous part because I'm embarassed... I don't remember what shame feels like." He was lying. He could see it in his eyes. "But I can't recall much of those years, even if I wanted to. And I don't. When I wasn't drunk, I was high. Anything to shut up those last little shreds of conscience I had left."
"I'm so sorry, Dan."
"It was my choice to do that to myself, not yours. Anyway... weed is for pussies." He winked. "I could show you a thing or two about serious drug use."
He said it with the same expression he had when he first rode his bike alone, without Sean's help. That was what he felt proud of, now? If his heart hadn't already broken by then, it did in that moment. He hugged him, as strongly as he could.
Daniel was surprised, pleasantly, for once. "I'm not done. Hugs are for the end, no?"
"Hugs are for when you need it."
He snorted. This was real amusement, not the start of a snarky remark. "Ready to never let me go, then?"
"Yeah."
Daniel hugged back. "So corny. Lyla's got really low standards for her boyfriends."
"True." To lighten the mood, he asked "Still have a crush on her?"
"Nah, there's only platonic love between us. I'm kinda sure I like sucking dick, thank you very much."
It was never not gonna be weird hearing that voice, coming from that face, saying those kinds of things. "Come on..."
"Huh, does it feel weird? Hearing that I like to swallow a big, hot, sticky, white..."
"I got the idea."
"Beaten on the losing your virginity front by your kid brother. Shameful, Sean Diaz."
"I don't know if I should punch you or just pretend I'm not hearing you."
"Personally, I'd go with the punch."
Sean lightly pushed him. He pushed back without moving a hand.
"Go on with the story, little twat."
"One day, one of the big guys comes to me and says that some rival gang's got an ace up their sleeve. A guy who can read into the future, that was what was heard through the gravepine. Another poor son of a bitch cursed by destiny. They had been scoring a lot of successful, and apparently impossible, hits... even more surprisingly, with almost no blood shed. Unlike all of my jobs. So I do the reasonable thing, what they pay me for, and I go to their hideout: I tear through them like they're made of cardboard, until I get to the boss. Our meeting only lasted a couple of seconds."
"You killed him?"
"Nope. I found myself sent back to three days prior. At first, I think I must've taken some really good pills, but... I was sober and things started happening exactly like they previously had. So I go back to those guys' base, but I ask to speak with their boss instead of butchering everyone. Surprisingly, they let me. Even more surprisingly, Vic's actually a nice guy."
"Vic?"
"Yup. Told you he was real. And that he was the reason I knew all that stuff. I just didn't tell you why that was."
"Clever little shit."
He stuck his tongue out. "Turns out he can't read the future, but he can move people back in time. You can make your men pull off some seriously crazy stunts, if they already know what to expect after every single one of their actions. Even crazier is the fact he can't do it to himself. Kinda like I can't make myself fly... or tear one of my arms off, if I feel like it."
"That's weird... but then again, what about this story isn't?"
"Damn right. Who knows if somewhere out there some poor bastard can make only himself travel through time? Maybe it's a girl. Or do you think it's just us guys who get fucked by life with these powers?"
"I really don't know."
"Me neither. Nor Vic."
"So we have to thank him for... our second chance?"
"Shut up, now. Stop interrupting me. I'm narrating the story of the wolf brothers. One day you'll get your turn." He was incredibly amused by this. It probably referenced something he didn't get the chance (or rather, the misfortune) of living.
"Okay, Lobo."
"Go fuck yourself." There was no venom in his tone, though. "So it starts with a few drinks, then we share our sob stories, and by the end of the night my dick is up his ass."
"Daniel!"
"What? I was lonely. And horny. And nobody could get me better than another freak."
Hearing about your sibling's sex life was not anything Sean ever planned on doing. It had been going so well these last few years...
"So then he sent you back?"
"He asked if I wanted to. Of course, I..." He stopped, probably looking for a way to say what he wanted to say.
"You?"
He huffed. "I broke down crying, alright? And told him I didn't deserve that. But he did it anyways. And you know what he said, before I faded away?"
"What?"
"To make something good out of my life." He was trying really hard not to show how emotional he was getting. His eyes were still watery. "What an asshole. If I ever get the chance to... I need to repay him, somehow. Still don't know if I'll ever be able to."
"I'll help you."
"Yet another promise."
"I plan on keeping."
"You'd better."
"Now what do we do?"
"Now... well, now we get out of this fucking hospital. I'm fine and I didn't suffer all this heartache just to have dad drown in debt. Our insurance probably doesn't pay for this shit, does it?"
"I guess not?"
"Then call whoever you need to call and get me out of here. I wanna go home."
Notes:
And so, the mystery part is over! Hope everything made sense to you.
Good news is we've still got a couple more chapters to go.
Chapter 14: Acceptance (part four)
Notes:
Usual lame excuse, been really busy, blah blah...
Anyways! A big big chapter to make up for that.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The ride home from the hospital was the quietest their usually loud family had ever been. You could've heard a pin drop.
Each one of the Diaz men was in his own little world. His brother stared forlornly out of the car window. He didn't make a sound. Sean had been tempted a couple of times to check if he were still alive. He would've liked to strike up a conversation with him, but... he didn't know what to say.
Their father was driving. His eyes were on the road, his mind... in some dark place. And his world was about to get rocked even more. Daniel told Sean he planned on telling dad as soon as possible. "So you won't get in trouble for what I did", he said. And also because... well, he was their dad. No matter how aloof and distant this version of Daniel was, he still loved him. That would never change. Despite whatever he had to say about it, Daniel wasn't a monster.
And Sean... he'd been busy with his sketchbook. The once familiar roads outside looked alien now. Unfamiliar, as if he was living through a dream. So he took refuge among the pages of his sort-of-diary. Drawing while driving wasn't exactly comfortable, but he managed. Daniel told him he was able to draw even with a single eye, so a bumpy ride wasn't that bad quality-wise. Even if he started to feel like throwing up again. Maybe it was the roads, maybe the nerves. Who knew.
His subject was... probably gonna slam him into a wall, if he saw what Sean was doing. He'd been trying to imagine what a cartel-member Daniel would look like. It had actually started as just what a teenage Daniel would look like, but here they were. Would their faces look similar? Did he keep his hair long or short? Maybe he got some tattoos. Sean had always been too chicken-shit to get one, even if he wanted to... in this reality, at least. Hearing what his alternative self did... a wolf tattoo didn't sound that bad. Not at all.
He wasn't sure whether he would've carried any kind of weapon on himself. Maybe for show? He didn't need them, though. After all, he was the weapon. That sounded straight out of a corny action flick... except it was true. He'd seen it firsthand.
"Who's that cool guy you're drawing?" For a moment, the old Daniel was back. Always intruding on whatever Sean had been doing. He'd missed him so much.
"Oh! Uh, he's..."
Daniel must've read "Lobo" written under the figure, because his face darkened. "Really. Me?" He couldn't have sounded less enthusiastic if he tried.
"I was just... I don't know. I wanted to give a physical form to the guy whose adventures you'd told me about."
"That guy is still me, if you didn't catch it."
"But not anymore." Sean gave him the biggest smile he could, hoping to convey all the love, hope and forgiveness he felt.
Daniel shook his head, but he had a little smile on his face. "You're absurd."
"So... did I guess it right? Did you look like that?"
"Pfft, you couldn't be farther from the truth. First of all, this guy doesn't look like a total loser, so you already missed the most important part. The face is alright... just draw yourself though and it'll be perfect."
So they did end up looking the same. And it wasn't just a skin-deep thing.
"Imagine seeing a face you both love and hate every time you look in the mirror." He added.
"That's already how I normally feel about myself, Dan." That one was hard to admit, but his brother had been sincere with him, so he wanted to reciprocate.
"Well, welcome to the loser club then." He stuck his tongue out, but he had an understanding look on his face.
"Suck it, you'll be exactly like me in a little while."
He sighed. "At least you don't remember your greatest regret whenever you look at yourself."
Sean patted his shoulder. "Hey, it's me you killed. If I forgive you, you can totally forgive yourself."
Daniel snorted. "I hate it when you say shit like this." He scooted closer to him and nuzzled into his shoulder. Sean wrapped his arm around him, enveloping him into a tight hug.
"Bags under the eyes."
"What?"
"You need to add those. I hardly ever slept... when sober, at least."
"Makes sense." No need to dwell on the why.
"It's surprising, but you totally nailed the wolf tattoo on the arm. How did you know?"
"Well, you told me I got one like that..."
"And you just assumed I would get one like yours in your honour? Bold assumption, mr Diaz. Correct, but bold."
"Told you. Special brother telepathy."
"Fuck off with that shit. Anyway, I had others. Even on my face. So I could... you know, not look like that."
Sean hugged him even tighter.
Daniel put his mouth against his arm and mumbled something. The sound was muffled, so he didn't catch it.
"What did you say?"
"... bleached my hair. Did a shitty job, of course."
He couldn't hold it. Their whole conversation had been in hushed whispers so as not to let their father hear them. But that one admission (especially with how dark and gloomy their talks had been lately) had Sean laughing out loud.
He saw his father glare at him through the rearview mirror. "Glad you found something that amuses you this much, Sean. Want to share?"
He cast his gaze downwards. "Sorry, dad."
They returned to utter silence after that.
They got off the car. As their father fished out his keys to open the door, Sean tried to put his sketchbook back in his backpack. Easier said than done, though, as his hands were shaking really badly. Telling that story to their father wasn't gonna be easy.
Daniel looked him in the eyes. "Scared? We can do this anytime. No rush." They knew each other so well... even through time, apparently. The telepathy thing was a joke, but maybe not that far away from the truth.
"No, you are right. He deserves to know."
"We are together. Wolf brothers. Nothing is impossible for us."
That story he himself had told Daniel in another time was really important to him. "Wolf brothers." Sean repeated, patting his shoulder once again.
That gesture reassured them both.
They stepped in. Daniel closed the door behind them with his powers. They were gonna tell him, so there was no point in doing things quietly anymore.
They found him sitting on the sofà, watching TV. Still looking lost.
"Dad, we have... something to tell you."
He turned around to look at them. Their faces must've spoiled some of the surprise. He turned the screen off and gave them his full attention.
"What is it boys?" He sounded, understandably, very tired. "Did something else happen?" His voice was full of worry. Given the recent events, it wasn't strange.
"Not exactly."
"It didn't happen, actually." Daniel helpfully added. He might be sixteen or something, but he will always be a little shit.
"That's good...?" Worry shifted to confusion.
"Yup. No damage done. Except for the emotional scars and suicidal tendencies."
Daniel had confessed to him that he struggled to recognise or understand others' emotions now. And neither was he capable of telling what was normal or acceptable anymore.
Yeah. It showed.
"Daniel!" He wanted to reprimand him, but it was too late.
That had sent their dad in full papa-wolf mode. He got up. "Daniel, what do you mean?" His gaze locked with Sean's. "Sean... speak and be clear. Now."
Daniel beat him to it once again. "Do you want to hear the unbelievable part first, or would you like to begin with the slightly less unbelievable part?"
"You might want to sit down, Papi." He did as Sean told him.
"And have a drink! Something strong preferably." Two pairs of eyes glared at Daniel for his tasteless joke.
Dad looked ready to object, but let them carry on. Who knows how much he'd been wishing to know what was going on with his sons. "Start with... the unbelievable first, then. Let's hear what's going on in those little heads of yours."
"Ok. I'm seventeen-ish and I time traveled back here to prevent your death. I lived for years as a criminal in Puerto Lobos before this."
... didn't Daniel say he wanted Sean to tell everything for him? He was probably doing anything in his power to exasperate him (and succeeding)... it felt so weird to say, but he'd been missing that too.
Dad didn't even blink. He slowly added "And the slightly less unbelievable part?"
"I have superpowers."
Another long, awkward silence fell among them.
Dad looked very upset. Like, the most angry he'd ever seen him (even in those rare times he handed out some discipline, he'd never gotten properly enraged). It was kinda scary. "Hasn't it occurred to you, Sean, that now is the worst possible moment for this kind of stupid pranks? Your brother..."
"No, dad. We..."
"Time for a demonstration!" Daniel announced.
Before he could even think of stopping him, a whirlwind of pure energy encased everything in the room. Surprisingly, or maybe not, Daniel seemed to be conscious of every single object. Nothing broke or fell but everything (and everyone, except for him) just neatly floated around, free from gravity. So that's what he was able to do when he was concentrating. Kids always get told they can do great things if they focus... though usually people don't mean this type of thing.
Everything returned to its place... yet nothing would be the same from then on, right?
Their dad had a blank stare. It matched Daniel's in eerieness. So that's where he got that from. "Please, explain."
"Go on, recap. My part's done." Daniel announced, then left to go look outside their living room window.
And so Sean recounted all of his brother's (and partially-but-not-really his) tale. For his part, dad almost didn't utter a single word, only asking for clarifications every now and then.
He omitted the most scabrous details, because... no parent wishes to know those. And if Daniel really really wanted him to know who he did or didn't fuck with... he could tell him himself. Sean had heard enough: Daniel told him about all of his encounters with his usual malicious glee (just to flaunt he was not a virgin... Sean got it. The first time... he was basically twisting the knife) as they were in the process of leaving the hospital. Sean was left still wishing for some brain bleach.
When they were done, the eldest Diaz was still stonefaced. Not that it surprised Sean. That was a hell of a lot to take in all at once.
Daniel had turned his attention back to them halfway through story time. He was looking at his father with a thousand yard stare. At the end he simply muttered "I'm sorry, dad. I wish I were... better."
Their father got up and reached him, still quiet. Then he kneeled in front of Daniel and wrapped him up in a hug.
His brother went rigid at first, then he let himself melt into the embrace.
Sean decided to give them some space. He left the room and went outside, sitting under the porch. He enjoyed this small Moment of Calm.
What was gonna happen next? They'd return to a normal life... hopefully. As normal as Daniel could handle after... the kind of life he led. The things he'd lived through.
But. Despite all that tragedy... they were here, they were safe. They were still together. And even through all the shenanigans he pulled, Sean felt his bond with his brother was standing as strong as ever... even more than it had ever been before, actually. Something that was broken between them (once... or maybe twice, for his brother) had been mended.
Okay, murdering someone (someone who would have shot their innocent dad without thinking twice, so the compassion Sean felt for Officer Matthews was really, really small) wasn't exactly in the shenanigans category, but he put it there for the sake of simplicity.
He hoped they could provide his brother with the calm and the love that he needed, and... why did he have the terrible sensation of forgetting something?
Lyla!
Shit...
He texted her asking if she wanted to hang out at his house. He had a lot of explaining to do with her too. Who knows if Daniel wanted to share with her?
She quickly answered she was on her way.
Very quickly. She'd probably been worried sick. And Sean knew she suffered from anxiety.
Daniel had been right on many things, but especially in telling him to just stop running. Stop letting life pass him by. Letting things roll of your back was generally a good thing... until you start doing it with everything.
He'd already sworn to do better by his brother, so it wasn't that much of a stretch to try and be better in general. He could probably manage to do it.
"Sean Diaz!" An angry yet familiar voice called out to him. Another voice he'd known for most of his life.
"Hey..."
"I hope you have an explaination." She sat next to him. "What's up with you? And the ambulance? Why weren't you guys home? Did something happen?"
"It's... a long story."
"I was so goddamn worried, I..."
He effectively silenced her with a hug. She relaxed.
"Everything's ok now. We're all... relatively safe and sound."
"Thank God." She furrowed her brows. "... relatively?"
Sean nodded. He fished his lighter out of his pocket. Lyla took the hint and grabbed her pack of cigarettes.
"Thought you didn't smoke. Track and all that."
"Fuck track. I stopped running."
"As in, you'll simply walk everywhere at a slow pace from now on, or..."
"Not that, smartass. Or maybe that too. I don't know. I think I should start doing things I really care about, you know?"
"Oh, wonderful." She handed him his cigarette. "It's only been, like, years that I've been telling you that. What changed your mind?"
"Actually..." He smiled apologetically. "... it was something Daniel said."
"Figures. If there's someone you'd listen to, it's him."
"What do you mean?" Sean asked, lighting up their cancer sticks.
"You'd do anything for the little guy."
"True." As he was about to take a drag, the cigarette flew out from his hand... really?
He didn't even have to turn around because Daniel plopped down right between them, shamelessly taking a puff. "Were you guys talking about me?" He asked with a satisfied smirk.
Looking him real close, his eyes were red and still teary. Was he trying to mask it with the smoke?
"How did he... and, Daniel, you shouldn't be touching that!"
"So... you and dad spoke."
"That we did."
"Mind cluing me in on what's going on here? Did that thing just... fly in his hands?"
"Well, we just came back from the hospital." Sean started to explain.
"Right, the hospital... was it something serious or not? Why are you guys being so weird?"
"Nah, nothing worth mentioning." Daniel took a long drag before speaking again. "Just tried to kill myself."
The way Lyla's expression went from indignation at a child smoking to horror would have been comical, if the situation wasn't what it was.
"You what?"
"Daniel, let me..."
"This time we start with the fun part first."
And that was all Sean got before finding himself suspended in midair. "Seriously, Dan?"
Lyla just muttered incredulously "Oh."
He landed back on his feet. His brother just shrugged.
"What if someone saw us? What if like, Brett saw us? He's always hanging around here... unfortunately."
"Oh, about that." He said, smugly. "I'm sure we won't be seeing him around for much longer."
"Daniel! I hope you aren't thinking of..."
"The stupid cunt does deserve to die... this whole mess is kinda his fault too. But no. I meant that... I've been paying him some nightly visits. Moving stuff around, flinging him against the walls... just to encourage that abject terror he felt with the cop. I think they'll be moving out very soon. Who knows what they will blame for all these supernatural events. Maybe they think it was a demon. I'd like to be mistook for a demon. I liked it the first time it happened."
As much as he wanted to tell him off for that stunt, life without Brett sounded pretty fucking amazing.
Sean turned his attention back to his girlfriend. She threw the butt of her cigarette on the ground, stomped it with her feet, then lit herself another one. After taking a long, long drag, she let out the smoke. Then blinked a couple of times. Finally, she turned to Sean to ask "What the hell is going on here? Regarding Brett, though, good riddance."
One repeat of a tragic and supernatural story later, she'd gone through the whole packet. She took it way better than Sean expected.
When he was done, she too just went for a hug, instead of wasting their time with pointless words.
"What is up with everyone? I'm fine now... I think." He didn't sound so sure. But this time he immediately reciprocated the hug.
Before any of them could say anything else, they were interrupted by their father. "Boys... oh, hi Lyla." She waved, lacking the usual enthusiasm she had when greeting him: that story took all energies out of her. "There's your grandparents on the phone. They want to know how you're doing, Daniel. There's also... your little friend, Chris. They say he was very worried. He even wanted to come here to check on you." He chuckled a little on the last part.
"Well, can't keep them waiting." Daniel got up and returned inside.
"We're going out, dad. See you..."
"Where do you think you're going, young man?" One of Esteban Diaz's aforementioned rare displays of parental authority.
"... somewhere? On a date?"
... did he say that out loud? He really was a genius. Good thing Lyla was into dumb and awkward guys.
"So you two are indeed dating." He smirked.
"Well, he would have found out anyways, sooner or later." Lyla, in the end, didn't look all that displeased with the notion of them being found out.
"Ms Park is correct. And you're still grounded."
"What? Why?"
"You did leave your brother unattended, Sean. In the worst moment possible, might I add."
Fuck. He didn't forget. Arguing against this one would be pointless.
Sean sighed. "Fine, I get it." He got up and started heading inside.
"But..." His father said, before disappearing behind the door "... Lyla can stay, if she so wishes."
What a day. Sean stared at his ceiling. Sleep would probably never come for him that night. It's incredible how much can change in the blink of an eye. One moment you're a normal teenager living his life in Seattle, and the next you're... still the same, but your brother's one with the supernatural. And not only time travel is possible, you're living in the best timeline you could be in. And your dad knows you have a girlfriend.
It's all equal parts scary and exciting. Except for the last one. That is just lame. His father's teasing would be unending.
Well, it would go well with Daniel's teasing. And besides, Sean now knew he didn't really mind. He wouldn't give either one of them up for anything in the world.
He felt an unexpected weight drop down on his bed. There were two possible culprits, and Mushroom was quite furry, so...
"Hey Dan."
"I'm sleeping here." It didn't sound like a request, more like a statement.
"Nightmares again, enano?"
"Actually, no. Just missed you."
Sean held him tight against his chest. Maybe a little too tight.
"Don't make me wish back for the time you were cold and distant."
"Sorry." Sean released him. "Guess I was missing you too."
"I really can't see why..."
"Daniel."
"What?"
"They all... we all really love you. Me, dad. Stephen and Claire. Lyla. Mushroom." The dog heard her name and came. She usually followed Daniel around anyways, so she was probably gonna be sleeping in his room too. He was kinda glad now that his door didn't have a lock (though Daniel could have opened it even if there was).
"Yeah, yeah. I know..."
"Chris too." He added with a tinge of amusement in his voice.
Daniel huffed. "I told you I like him, so I get that you make fun of me. But why does dad do that too? Am I that obvious?"
"Let's put it this way... yes."
"I hate you guys." He said, jokingly for once.
A comfortable silence descended upon them.
"I meant it, you know? We all love you. And we're here for you. And... we'd really miss you, if you..." He didn't have the strength to end that sentence.
"I guess that means ... I'll have to be around for a little longer, then."
Notes:
Almost at the end guys, next week the (heartwarming) finale!
Hope you enjoyed.
Chapter 15: Acceptance (part five)
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Six years later...
Sean checked his watch. "Ok, he should be back any moment now. Hide, everyone." After turning off the lights, they all scrambled to reach their chosen position.
They had to wait a few minutes in the dark, then finally they heard the sound of keys opening the front door.
"Dad?" He called out as he closed the door. When he heard no answer, he mumbled "Working late again... even tonight."
Mushroom ran to say hello to him. They'd tried explaining her the concept of surprise party, but she wasn't very receptive. He pet her, then sighed. "Well, at least you remembered about me..."
He turned on the lights, and that's when everyone sprung out from their hiding spot to shout "Happy birthday!". It was actually mixed in with a pair of "Feliz cumpleaños", but what matters is the intention, not the execution.
His jaw was hanging low, his mouth in the shape of an "O". Then he grinned "Guys! You remembered it after all!"
Every year the same thing. It tugged at Sean's heartstrings in a bittersweet way. Daniel always sounded so genuinely surprised and grateful whenever anyone did something nice for him... even menial things like remembering his birthday. Anyways... now was a time to celebrate, not to remember the wounds of the past.
"Couldn't forget my favorite sibling's birthday, could I?"
Daniel ran to him and threw him in for a hug. Sean stumbled backwards a bit at the force of the impact, but he managed to regain his balance.
"It's not like you have that much of a choice in siblings." He remarked.
"You're a little too big now to charge at me like that, Dan."
"Sorry, old man." He smiled cheekily. "How's your arthritis going?"
"Fine, thank you." Sean stuck out his tongue at him.
"Hey, we're here too. Can you two separate at least for a minute?" Noah interjected.
"We've been apart for way too long." Daniel explained. "Fucking college."
"I'll pretend I didn't hear any swearing here. Only because it's your birthday, young man."
"Sorry, dad. Anyways, nice to see you here bro!" He fist-bumped his childhood best friend after (begrudgingly) leaving Sean. "That's why you were avoiding me all day."
"Wouldn't have been much of a surprise if I told you, no?"
Daniel left him and turned to his next guest. "Lyla! You made it too!"
"Of course." They hugged. "I couldn't ever miss it, you're still my favorite Diaz. And even if I had forgot, which, by the way, I didn't, your brother's been pestering me for days with your surprise party."
"Come on, I just wanted to make sure you weren't busy today of all days..." Sean tried to defend himself.
Lyla huffed and looked at him with her "Seriously?" expression. She turned back to Daniel. "It was literally the only thing he talked about. If you weren't his brother, I'd be so jealous." She concluded with a lighthearted chuckle.
"You two talk every freaking day, and you still act like it's been years since you saw each other..."
Daniel shrugged. "It's a wolf brothers' thing."
Sean made their familiar call. "Awooo!"
And Daniel immediately replied.
"And, in case you missed him..." Their dad pushed Chris forward. He'd been huddled in a corner of the room, a sheepish look on his face.
"I'm sure he'd already noticed me, Señor Diaz."
Dad sighed. "Boy, how many times did I already tell you to just call me Dad? You're part of the family... whether you like it or not."
Even Sean, who wasn't around as much as he would've liked, had heard that dozens of times. That boy was way too shy and gentle for his own good. In a way, he and Daniel completed each other.
"You're right, se... Dad."
"Much better."
"Of course I saw you, baby." Daniel stroked Chris's cheek, a tender look on his face. "How could I miss the most handsome guy here in this room?"
"You are." Chris answered, matching the other's expression.
Sean pretended to be retching. "Get a room, you two."
Daniel scoffed, then kissed his boyfriend... and they were probably about to make out right then and there, until their father cleared his throat.
"While I do try to be a modern and open-minded parent... I'm not that open-minded, Daniel."
"Sorry." He left Chris's arms. Going by his expression, he was anything but sorry.
"Boo! Gay!" Noah shouted. Without any malice, of course.
"Better get used to it, bro." Daniel replied. "It's gonna be your only option, since you can't get past the third date with any girl."
"Low blow, you dick... not everyone has already met the love of his life by the time he was ten years old."
"Or you're shit at dating."
The eldest Diaz didn't comment on the swear words this time.
"They have a point, Danny... let's save it for later."
Daniel gasped and brought a hand to his chest, in mock betrayal. "Whose side are you on, Chris?"
"Look at how cute they are." Sean told his dad.
"Remind me again why I let you convince me to make them sleep in the same room."
"Because me and Lyla do as well and it would've been awkward making Chris sleep on the couch?"
"Maybe."
"And because they're old enough to know what they're doing?"
"Well, it's not about Chris. He has a good head on his shoulders. Your brother, on the other end..."
"Dad, I can still hear you!"
Esteban just chuckled and ruffled his hair. "They grow up so fast..." he commented, at least partially serious.
"So, what did you all get him?" Noah asked, raising his voice.
That was the official start to the gift part of the evening.
"You didn't have to get me anything..." Daniel protested half-heartedly... as much as he still felt in debt with everyone (and he shouldn't have) his brother couldn't ever resist the allure of unopened presents.
"Of course we didn't, asshat. We wanted to." Noah gave him a one-armed hug. "Mine first!"
Going by the looks of it, it was probably a videogame or a movie.
"Is it what I think it is?"
"Open it and find out." Noah sentenced.
Daniel annihilated the wrapping in a fraction of a second. To only use his powers to open gifts for the rest of his life... Sean would give an eye for Daniel to have that. Literally. He technically already did.
"Cool! Thank you, Noah." He looked contentedly at his new Hawt Dawg Man videogame, then at their old console. "Playbox, here I come!"
He insisted he had to play at least the first level right then and there, so he booted the Playbox up and put the disk in... all with the aid of his powers, while he himself went on to the next gift box. Maybe it was all a bit childish on his part, but Sean was more than glad that his brother could have... this. Not only the videogame, but this whole moment with all his loved ones.
"Ours next!" Lyla cheerfully handed him the box.
Daniel was about to shake it, but Sean stopped him. "Careful, enano. It's fragile."
"Uh, now I'm intrigued." He opened it with the utmost care that a Daniel could manage (which wasn't very much, but Sean appreciated the effort).
He pulled out the little statuette Sean and his girlfriend had commissioned. Two wolves, one bigger and one smaller, were immortalized as they ran, wind blowing through their fur, sharp canines poking out of their mouths. All in all, pretty badass, if you asked Sean.
"So, the good thing about studying artsy stuff is that you meet a lot of people who can do cool things like, uh, this." Daniel still wasn't reacting. "Hope you... like it." Sean concluded hesitantly.
Maybe it wasn't that great of an idea. Knowing him, Daniel would have probably liked something more practical. Still, Sean had been very excited to get that, and... and now he had a half a mind to take that back, return home, and exchange it with literally anything else. He resisted that temptation, though.
Daniel finally moved, raising his head to lock eyes with him. He smiled. His eyes were glistening under the artificial lights. "Thank you, I love it. It's wonderful. I'll treasure it forever." He turned to Lyla. "And thank you too, of course."
"It's nothing." She answered. "I'm glad you liked it."
"How could I not?"
Everyone's attention turned to Chris, who consequently started blushing.
Noah cut to the chase. "What did you get him, loverboy?"
"Oh... uhm, this." He handed out to Daniel what looked like a piece of clothing.
Daniel unwrapped it, revealing a black shirt with a roaring bear on the front.
"Thank you, querido." It still felt kinda strange hearing him speak Spanish without having ever actually taught him. Not even on his... other life.
"I thought you were all about wolves." Sean noted.
"Eh, bears are cool too. Don't forget that my room's still the Bear's Lair!"
"Right."
"And there's also a little something from Stephen and Claire!" Chris announced. "I left it in my suitcase back in our..." He immediately corrected himself, going an even deeper shade of red. "... your room. I'll go get it..."
Ah, young love. Sean was so grateful his brother got to experience that in the end.
"No hurry, the night is long!" Daniel announced, then kissed his man.
Being the closest to them, Sean heard Chris whisper to his brother "I've also got something else for you... later, when everyone's asleep."
Sean smiled to himself. Partly because it confirmed his suspicion that a simple shirt wasn't gonna be everything Chris gave his brother that night, and partly because he'd never seen anyone so red in the face as Daniel's boyfriend was in that moment. Daniel was basically already undressing him with his eyes.
They were interrupted by Esteban's boisterous voice. "Your dear old dad instead prepared dinner for everyone! And also, your favorite cake." To no one's surprise, said cake was Chock-o-Crisp cake. Their dad somehow managed to replicate almost perfectly the cereal bar's flavor in a cake. If he hadn't chosen to work as a mechanic, he would've made for an awesome chef.
"What are we waiting for, then?"
Sean sat outside, on the porch, smoking a cigarette. A thing he did a milion times in the past (he was about to say in his youth... man, was he aging that quickly?). Now that he was in college, it became a special nostalgia moment.
When he heard footsteps approaching, he didn't need to turn around to know who'd followed him outside. This moment had also become their special alone time whenever he was back home.
"You really went to town on that cake, huh?"
Daniel answered him with a burp. "Well, it is my favorite..."
"Manners, Dan... sometimes I wonder what Chris sees in you." He said, teasingly.
"Beats me. But I've learned not to question my luck."
"Yeah. Good point." He remembered what he overheard before. "A special gift later tonight?"
"Fuck off." If he counted all the times he'd seen Daniel flush since... that incident, he could use the fingers of one hand. And they were all Chris-related.
"Be gentle."
"Of fucking course I will!" He replied, piqued. "As if I'd ever risk hurting or losing him."
"Hey, I didn't mean it like that. Just... take things slow. There's no rush. We're all here for you."
"Uh-uh." He answered, now a little calmer.
"And don't wake everyone up."
"Don't worry, I'm usually really quiet. And Chris's gonna have his mouth full."
"You're terrible."
"And you love me for that."
"True." It was kinda sarcastic, but maybe not that much.
Daniel lifted Sean's packet from his pocket and extracted a cigarette. Sean lit it with their dad's old lighter.
"Maybe I should give it to you. You know, now that I've found my place in life and all that. Like dad did with me."
"Nah, keep it. Give it to your firstborn or something. And name him Daniel in my honor."
"Ain't happening."
"I tried. But seriously, it's yours. You're gonna carry the family name and all that shit. Unless Chris or I somehow manage to get pregnant."
"You'd be a good dad..."
"No, I wouldn't. I'd just produce another fucked-up human like me. And what if they get powers too?" That was... a good question. Were his powers something genetic? "Can't risk that."
"I guess."
"Come on, stop beating around the bush. I know what you wanna ask. Or did you begin to run away from your problems again?"
The temptation was always there. And it was strong. But Sean believed he'd been managing it quite well.
"No, no. Just... if you don't wanna talk about it, neither will I."
"Stop being so thoughtful. I don't..."
"Yes, you do."
He huffed and changed topic. "How's your comic going?"
"Very well. It's getting a lot of attention. Maybe... I'll be able to live off of that, you know?" Besides, ignoring the money aspect of his work (which was still really important... thank you, student loans), what good was being an artist if no one ever saw what he did?
"I hope so, Sean. You deserve it." He gave him one of his rare, shy smiles. "Still can't believe you decided to make it about me, of all things."
"You're my favorite thing in the world, of course I'll be talking about you."
"Kiss ass." He looked away. "... you too. The favorite part, I mean."
Sean gave him a hug. He quickly reciprocated.
"And it's only vaguely based on your life, Dan. I'd never make your secrets public."
"I know that. What, did you think I wouldn't read it?"
"... did you like it?" Daniel hadn't ever actually commented on what he thought of his work.
"Loved it, big wolf." That lifted a weight he didn't know he was carrying off his chest. "So, I guess your firsthand information on the criminal underworld was useful?"
"Extremely. Thank you."
"You're thanking me for being part of the dregs of society?" Fortunately, he was just joking around... this time.
"Yup. That's totally what I meant."
"And you named the protagonist Lobo. Really?" Sean just gave him a coy smile. "If you'd used my actual name I would've hunted you down. Remember I can drive now... legally, I mean."
"If I were you I'd still leave the driving to Chris, though."
"You saying you don't trust my skills?"
Sean remembered the driving lessons he'd given him to try and make him use the roads like a normal person... luckily they never crashed into anyone. "Nope."
"Reasonable." He flicked the last ashes off his cigarette, then dumped it in the ashtray their father put there when he resigned to the fact both of his sons were smokers. "So, about that thing you wanted to talk about..."
"Yeah?"
"Why are you worried I'm gonna kill myself?"
"I didn't say..."
"You thought it." He got him there. "Why now of all times? It's not like I ever tried committing suicide again after that one time. I mean, taking a shower with the hairdryer on sounds appealing, sometimes. But I'm fine."
Sean breathed a sigh of relief. "Promise that if those thoughts ever get too much, you'll come talk with me. Or Dad. Or anyone else, really."
"Sure thing. But you shouldn't worry so much. You're never, ever, gonna get rid of me."
"If that was a threat, it kind of sucked." Sean decided to mention what had been plaguing his mind. "You sounded distant in our latest phonecalls. I got worried... I don't think you can blame me for that."
"When you do try, you can be so sweet, Sean. Never change." It was halfway between a plea and an order. "I simply remembered something that soured my mood. Nothing more."
"What is it? If you wanna..."
"It was actually a little after my sixteenth birthday that... what happened, happened. Some of those moments came back to me, and... I didn't like it. As in, I didn't like who I was. That's all."
"It's gone, now. Forever."
"Thank God for that. You know, sometimes, when I wake up... for a few terrifying moments, I feel like I'm back in Puerto Lobos. Back in that endless nightmare of violence and loneliness. Back in a world without you." He rested his head on Sean's shoulder.
"I know how you feel. After you tried ending your life..." He leaned his head against his brother's. "The nightmares took a while to go away."
"Sorry about that." Nothing more needed to be said. Sean had never even blamed him for those.
"Life is weird, enano. But it's still worth living." If there was one thing he'd learned, that was it.
"Amen to that." He got up and gave Sean his hand to help him get up as well. He took it. "Now let's stop crying! The night's still young and we should be inside there having fun right now."
"Yes... yes, we should."