WhIP

by footfungus

nederlands verhalen over mijn otp

204. AOT EREN GEN TIME TRAVEL

A Broken Heart's Resolve

TheSeasonOfWinter

Summary:

The power of the Attack Titan is not something any Eren, past or present, had ever really understood. Which was why Eren Jaeger, age nineteen, found himself thrown back into 850 with the old Levi Squad about to set off on their last expedition.

That's also why Eren Jaeger, age fifteen, found himself on an airship beyond the walls in the middle of a war he helped start after he only just beat Annie in a titan fight and got news that there was a breach in Wall Rose.

. . . .

Basically, S4 Eren is sent back to S1, and S2 Eren is sent to S4. And the absolute hell that unleashes.

Notes:

MAJOR MANGA SPOILERS
LOOK AT ME
READ ME
THERE ARE SPOILERS HERE UP UNTIL LIKE CHAPTER 138
READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL
DO NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT BEING SPOILED
YOU SEE ME
YOU READ ME
OKAY?
OKAY
WE'RE OFF

Chapter 1: Rewind, Fast Forward, Stop

Chapter Text

Eren felt his neck separate from his spine.

Oh, he thought, that's something.

He snapped hold of the Attack Titan's power and threw this memory backwards until he felt it slam into the head of his younger self - sixteen, it felt like. Eren waited for the pull of time to unravel around him and wasn't disappointed. This time, though, instead of yanking him into a seamless reversal, something snagged.

Almost like fingers in his hair or teeth in his neck, Eren was wrenched backward, and in a moment of actual, genuine surprise, he scrambled to grab hold of something to stop the fall. His fingers briefly grabbed hold of a moment - fresh blood in his mouth, new power in his veins, trapped in a warm corpse, crawling out and going home - before he was freefalling through time. His time.

Memories were slippery.

And nothing was stopping him from the plunge.

No one could save him now. Not that anyone should really try.

Eren Jaeger has never been the one to roll over, though, so he reached out again, felt years of time brush past his fingers, until something struck. His knuckles whitened, and he screamed as he pulled himself upwards and out -

His eyes were closed, and his hand was stuck.

There was yelling - so much of it, and it made Eren's intense headache only feel worse. There were people saying his name, and saying - Eren winced, and his hand twitched.

The yelling got louder.

Eren moved to cover his ears just for one second of adjusting to whatever mistake he made this time and realized something.

He was half transformed.

From his wrist down was the unfinished arm of his titan. Eren hadn't half-transformed since he was fifteen.

He heard another voice, this one he knew very well. Hange was screaming their happy scream. That was their titan and/or Eren scream. That also meant he was safe, although it also meant he wasn't in the right place.

Hange hadn't been that excited to see him for months.

"Ereeeeeen! Let me touch -" their voice cut off.

It suddenly went very quiet.

Eren found the strength to crack open his eyes, tossing his hair out of his face to try and take in the blurry world around him. A field? Some trees in the distance, maybe, the sunlight shining bright. He blinked hard and tried again, absentmindedly releasing the arm he was apparently standing on. Eren slid down the skinless limb, landing on his butt with a grunt. He rubbed his temples, willing reality to come into focus but stopped moving completely when he felt the familiar press of a sword against his throat.

"Who the fuck are you?" another familiar voice growled.

Opening his eyes again, Eren saw the short, dark silhouette before him, back lit by the sun. "Cap . . . tain?"

The sword pushed harder against his throat. "I'll ask you again, who the fuck are you?"

That wasn't good. That was Levi's I'm an inch away from ending a bloodline voice. Eren much preferred Hange right now.

The world was slowly swirling back into focus, and Eren could make out Levi's features now. The heart attack of seeing him look young was enough to send Eren spiraling into unconsciousness. The noise returned.

Maybe I'm finally dying this time, Eren couldn't help but think hopefully. That almost sounded like Petra's voice.

. . .

Eren was sure he just died. There was no other explanation for what just happened - the twisting colors, the sounds, the feeling of being pulled down a rabbit hole - nah, he was dead.

"Fu'h" Oh, that sounded like him. Maybe he wasn't dead. Eren tried to take a deep breath, but the air made him cough, draggin the taste of blood back up his throat. Is he cut somewhere?

He heard screams, cries, and something that sounded like gunfire. Why there hell was there gun -

Arms hooked under his arms and pulled him back. He felt a connection server and exhaustion leadened his limbs. He had been in titan form, but why? There was no reason -

Someone was saying his name, running hands through his hair, thumbs brushing under his eyes. Eren tried to open them, and in the blur of night, he could see flashes of light and melting windows. He blinked hard, and a hand came into focus, a bandage tied around the wrist. "M'kasa . . .?"

A frantic voice tried desperately to be heard over the cacophony of the world around him - was that a bomb or did a building just fall - and Eren just slowly shook his head. It felt like blood was sloshing around in the bottom of his skull. Strong arms - sense when was Mikasa that big? - curled around his waist and yanking him into the air.

At least Eren knew enough about being carried by someone else using ODM gear to at least recognize it when it happened. He loosely curled his hand upward to wrap around his carrier's neck. He felt a threadbear, cotton scarf and finally relaxed.

He wished he could see where they were going, he could hear other people and briefly wonder if they were on an expedition. He ended up pressed against what felt like rope, the wind batting his hair around. Eren couldn't see.

Another hand reached out for the back of his hood and dragged him into someplace dropping him on his back on the floor just as fast. Eren worked even harder to blink his world into focus, and he could feel people start to gather around him. That was never a good thing, Eren had quite enough of that, back the fuck up. Someone might have reached out to touch him but someone else snapped at them.

Someone kneeled by his head, cupping the back of it and raising him up slightly. More speaking, a voice saying -

"- 's Armin, can you -"

Armin? Eren went boneless in his hands. Mikasa and Armin were here, he'd be fine. Eren was not a calm person by nature, but focusing was a lot easier when he wasn't scared out of his mind. He blinked again and finally saw the fluorescent lights above his head.

Shadows danced around him, forming a perfect circle, and Eren could just barely make out hair color. Brown, blonde, two-toned - Jean was here, too?

"'spaditon?" Eren tried to ask, blood coated his tongue. "Ou'side? Cap'n?"

Another shadow moved forward, coming closer as it kneeled down by him.

"C'pn?"

A nod, maybe. Eren was already feeling better about his situation. He was with friends.

He was lying on the floor in front of his friends - the thought made Eren grind his teeth and fight to sit up. The noise kicked up and people moved toward him - Eren felt hands on his shoulders - but he sat up anyway. No need to look like an invalid in front of the whole damn Corps. Eren forced himself to look around. They looked like they were in a vehicle, but didn't they take the ODM gear up? Were they fucking flying right now?

Eren could only really see movement - fuck, he hoped his eyes weren't watering, Jean doesn't need the ammo - and he was the only one that noticed when more people climbed in through the open door.

Eren tilted his head. Those shadows were so small - smaller than the captain somehow - they wouldn't have been soldiers. One of them leveled something, and Eren had seen the business end of a shotgun enough times to recognize it by shape alone.

He shot forward with a scream just as it fired.

Chapter 2: Memories, Living and Dead

Notes:

so many comments on one chapter thats not even 2,000 words?

That makes me wanna spoil y'all.

Chapter Text

Eren woke up in chains. How original.

But this time he could see and hear, so things were looking up already. The downside: time travel.

No Eren had ever warned Eren of this.

He groaned.

"Awake, then, huh?"

The deja vu Eren deals with on a regular basis was topped by the fact that he's currently in his old bedroom which served to be the dungeon under the Survey Corps.' castle with Levi Ackerman glaring at him from the other side of the bars. Eren hated the world more than he could ever fully express.

Well, maybe he will express it. The rumbling seemed like a good way to express world hatred. Eren shook that thought away. "Unfortunately, yes, I'm awake."

"Fun for both of us. Who are you?" Levi marched forward and leaned one arm against the bars, staring at Eren with so much distrust it gave Eren a time complex. That's how the Levi from the future would look at him after Marley.

"I'm Eren Jaeger." No harm in telling the truth. He doesn't know what his new plan will be.

Levi's eye twitched, but that was the only outward sign that he was pissed off. "The Jaeger I know is a fifteen year old."

"And can turn into a titan. What grounds are you basing your reasoning on? You don't have the full picture," Eren couldn't help but laugh. "You don't even have a third of the picture, actually."

"And you do?"

Eren looked at the chains around his wrist. "I have an advantage."

Levi didn't move. "Tell me about it."

Eren contemplated it. He needed to get right back where he was, but honestly didn't know if he'd make it. Didn't know how bad he fucked things up. If he ripped his younger self out of the past and pushed himself in, he doesn't have the years to return everything to how it was. There's no guarantee that if he uses the Attack Titan's power again how far he could rewind time. If he continues he might end up writing Eren Jaeger out of existence which wouldn't -

Oh.

Eren has never been able to see who his successor would be. Never had access to those memories like he did to every other Attack Titan. He assumed it was because no one would eat him, and the power would be brought upon whoever Ymir decided. Or maybe vanish away entirely. But this makes more sense.

Maybe Eren wasn't supposed to keep it at all.

If he went backwards, would the Founding Titan and the Warhammer Titan fall back with him? Would he grab three of the nine powers and wipe it away? Eren's hand crept up to his chin. Strangely enough, Levi didn't say anything.

If Eren Jaeger has all of the nine, but ends up never existing . . .

All he had to do was wait for Zeke to show up.

Eren felt his lip twitch.

Everyone was coming to him. Ymir, Annie, Bertholdt, and Reiner were already here, Zeke and the Cart Titan would be coming soon, and he technically already possessed the Warhammer. He could still feel that power.

He'd have to time it just right . . .

He might be able to do it this time. As close to giddy as he's been in a long time, Eren leaned forward. "When I transformed just now, I found out some things."

Levi raised an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah?"

"It . . ." Eren tried to look horrified but amazed at the same time. His face didn't want to work with him. "It showed me what titan are and what it means to shift like I do. The Colossal and Armored Titans, the wall falling, my power, the coordinate, everything!"

"And that what, aged you?"

Think fast - wow, Eren hadn't had to improvise in such a long time. "I spent a long time there."

"Where?"

"The Paths, the coordinate, where it all connects!"

Levi stared at him for a long time before spitting out: "What was Eren Jaeger's rank at the Cadet Academy?"

Eren floundered for a second, confused. "I was fifth in my class."

"Who were the top four?"

"Mikasa Ackerman, Reiner Braun, Bertholdt Hoover, and Annie Leonhardt."

"Where is Eren Jaeger from?"

"Shinganisha district, Wall Maria."

"What did Eren Jaeger eat for breakfast this morning?"

That one stumped him. "This morning?"

Levi blinked slowly at him.

"Uh . . ." Eren racked his brain, trying to remember what he had for breakfast four years ago today. "Uh, nothing?"

Levi gave him a hard stare for a long time, and Eren almost wished it affected him still. Finally the captain sighed and turned away. "The commander is on his way. Stay put, he'll come to question you soon."

He left, well, he was probably just waiting outside the door, but that was enough for Eren to start getting his mind going.

Who'd have thought. He could end this without ever even going to Marley, now.

. . .

Eren woke up feeling both better and like shit.

He was reclined against the side of this . . . whatever this thing was, with only Captain Levi by his side. Blinking the man into focus, Eren couldn't help but frown. "Did we get new uniforms?"

Levi jerked in his direction, watching him with steel colored eyes.

"Why is it black?" Eren stretched, hoping to fix this ache in his shoulder. "I mean, that works for camouflage, but titans don't move at night, so I don't understand why -"

"Eren," Levi interrupted, stopping him cold. The captain rarely used his first name. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"Sir," Eren straightened up as much as he could. "We received word that Wall Rose was breached, and that there are titans within. We were on our way to the wall to regroup with the rest of the 104th and find Krista Lenz."

Levi's face did a weird, emotive thing where it twisted up into the most disagreeable expression possible. Eren wilted slightly under that gaze, hoping a month of chores wasn't in store for him. "How old are you?"

Eren paused. "Sir?"

"How. Old. Are you?" Levi stressed.

"Fifteen, sir." Same as yesterday.

Levi looked at him for a moment before exhaling. "Fucking shit. Okay. This happens now."

"Captain Levi -"

"Do you know what you did?"

Eren was not following this at all. "What did I do?"

"Whatever you did to end up . . . like that." Levi gestured to him.

Eren just sat there. "What?"

Levi just shook his head and slammed his fist into the side of the wall, a metal clank echoing in the small compartment, making Eren jump. It was like he was trying to compose himself. Eren noticed something as he did that; Captain Levi looked old. Not really in a super wrinkly kind of way - though there were some now that he looked- but just in a general sense of being worn. Like he had been tired for a very long time.

End up like what?

Noise came from the small door Eren just now noticed after the bang, and he thought he heard his name. There was another door to their right where Hange came though, looking Eren up and down. Eren had never felt their gaze like that. There was none of the usual excitement, only a very clinical appraisal. It reminded Eren of his dad. Minus the new eyepatch, though, what -

Levi turned when they walked in. "He said -"

"I heard," they interrupted. Eren waited for them to be kicked in the shin but Levi didn't move. Things were getting weirder by the minute.

"Everything okay?" someone else asked from the room Hange just exited. Eren leaned forward a bit and saw a man looking back at them.

"Woah," Eren's eyes widened. "You have the darkest tan I've ever seen!"

The man seemed started for a second before he laughed bitterly, shaking his head. "Eren Jaeger everybody. Not exactly the type of person they news said you are. Or maybe," the man looked out a window, eyebrows pinched, "maybe exactly that."

"The news? Like the newspaper?" Eren asked, but Hange's hard voice cut him off.

"What the hell are we supposed to do now?" they demanded.

Eren floundered. "I don't -"

"What the hell are you going to ask from us now, huh, Eren?"

Eren had never seen them act like this. He tried to apologize anyway. "Squad Leader, I -"

That was apparently the wrong thing to say, though, considering Hange slapped a hand over their face and heaved a shuddered breath. Eren fell silent as they watched them.

"What the hell are we supposed to do now," they repeated, hopelessly.

Eren tried not to squirm, ansty to move, to act, to prove that he was still helpful even if he royally fucking something up this time. But it was so hard to think that when so much about this picture was wrong. Hange had one eye, they were in a machine Eren didn't even know existed, and people are asked how old he was? Something wasn't right, he messed up somehow, something wasn't -

Eren stood, hands twitching at his side as he tried to breathe. Something was nagging at him, something he was stupid to ignore but it was just out of reach -

"Eren, calm down," Levi placated, but that wasn't right. Levi hadn't done that until that disastrous expedition. He was acting like he didn't trust Eren anymore and that didn't make any sense because -

Eren dove for the door that led to the rest of the ship, yanked it open, and dashed through.

He didn't recognize anyone there. Not completely anyway.

Some faces felt familiar, like he could have known them or seen them in a passing dream, but nothing was clicking. Nothing was making sense.

They all watched him, starting to crowd around as Eren started to hyperventilate. A man with red hair whom he couldn't remember stepped forward, reaching out to touch him. "Eren -"

"Floch, back the fuck up." someone snapped. Eren watched as a tall man stepped forward as if guarding Eren from something.

He felt like he was choking. "Jean?"

The man - holy shit, he was like in his twenties - flinched but leveled Eren's gaze, smiling ruefully. "Yeah, long time no see."

Eren's smile was a wobbly thing. "The hell are you talking about, I've never seen you like this."

That brought forth murmurs from the rest of the group, and more familiar strangers stepped forward.

"Hey, man, how are you feeling?" a man with a slightly longer buzz cut approached. "You took a bullet less than twenty minutes ago . . ."

Eren slowly turned to look at him. "Connie?" A brown haired woman was next to him. "S-Sasha?"

She smiled, offering a weak thumbs up. "You saved my ass earlier, man. I owe you one."

Something in Eren's chest swelled at those words, and that was added to the pile of things he didn't understand. "W-where are -"

Two more people burst forward, hands outstretched as if to hug him but stopping just short of making contact. Eren felt adrift as he stared at their faces, head slowly shaking as he struggled to breathe.

"Eren, are you okay? You remember who we are?" the blonde haired man - with titan marks on his cheeks - spoke softly.

The woman next to him, and there was no way Eren couldn't recognize her, she's the only one in the world who looked like that, only said his name. "Eren . . ."

Eren took a step back. "This isn't possible." He tried to smile again. "What- what happened? It was me, wasn't it? Was . . . did I end up like Annie somehow? Was I in a crystal?" It was the only thing he could think of, and as horrible as that idea sounds, he needed it to be true. "How did you all get me out? You can't cut though titan crystal -"

He didn't know what else to say. Why was he the only one in the real uniform, even if it was stained with his own blood. Why was no one else -

"Eren!"

Everyone in the room reacted, people's backs turning to Eren as they all crowded closer to him, facing whatever threat was coming. Levi and Hange both struck forward, hands on both of Eren's arms as if to guide him backwards and away.

"Eren!"

But that voice was so familiar, something about was tugging at him, telling him that it was fine. The people in front of him shifted just slightly, and Eren got a good look at who it was.

No one he recognized, but when the man saw him, the light reflected off his glasses as he screamed in dismay. Eren actually flinched at the sound, the building panic in his chest rising to dangerous levels.

"NO!" the man screamed, trying to fight off some soldiers that were holding his arms. "No! You can't do this, Eren! What are we supposed to do now! What's left! Damn it!" The man charged forward but was thrown to the ground and pinned. Mikasa's arm reached back, her hand on Eren's chest, slowly pushing him back. The blonde man on the floor was sobbing, wheezing as he spoke. "I said I'd come back for you, didn't I? I said I'd come back, so why the hell did you leave me?" Green eyes glared up at Eren, hopelessness shining in the tears. "What are we supposed to do now?"

They eventually dragged him away to another room, and everyone else slowly relaxed. Hange, Levi, and Mikasa seemed reluctant to let him go, but Eren couldn't stand to be touched right now. He backed up until he was standing in the threshold of the room he woke up in, staring at the floor in disbelief.

"Who was that?" he whispered.

The red head named Floch spoke before anyone else got the chance. "Zeke Jaeger. Your older brother."

Eren flinched at the words, and voices rose to berate Floch who screamed back just as loudly.

"What the actually fuck -"

"He deserves to know -"

"He's fifteen!"

"We all were!"

A hand found his shoulder again, and Eren jerked, making eye contact with Hange's serious gaze. "Eren, don't go to him alone. Don't speak to him, don't look at him, don't even think about him right now, okay? And promise me you won't ever touch him."

"What -?"

"No contact whatsoever. Don't hand him anything, no hugs, handshakes, or fist fights. That's a fucking order, do you hear me?" Their hand tightened on their shoulder and Eren had a flashback to when Erwin grabbed him the same way.

"Who do you think the real enemy is?"

Eren wasn't sure he knew.

Chapter 3: Host of Lies

Notes:

Hey, guys, I wanna thank y'all for the love and attention you're giving this fic but I do wanna stress something:

I use fanfiction as a self-indulgence, just like everyone else, but my way of doing that is trying to apply my style of writing into the reality of the world. I like analyzing characters, and I try to write them as in character as possible to practice dynamics. Having said that, as we know AOT is not a happy story. There doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel on this, folks.

So keep that in mind when you read this. The ending will be hopeful but sad.

I have tagged major character death for a reason.

Having said that, I do want to mention that I am a total bitch and I really get off on hurting my readers with situations and dialogue. It may not be a happy story, but its the world we're familiar with, I promise. Please continue to read this if you can!

Chapter Text

If Levi's old squad didn't know how to feel about him suddenly aging, Eren definitely didn't know how to feel with them suddenly being alive.

It's not like he ever forgot about them or anything, but the ending of the story had become his main focus as opposed to the middle. They blinked out of life so fast that Eren was wondering why he was even getting close to them again in the first place. He couldn't really avoid them, but his memories of them were still strong.

The heartache was going to be stronger this time around, he just knew it. It's different when you know you can save people this time and still not do it. Well, Eren being the worst person alive isn't exactly new information to him. To anyone now.

Didn't stop him from accepting the tea Petra handed him through the bars of his cell. He remembered how good her tea was. Eren and Levi had tried to recreate what she did when they were all gone but could never get it right. They had switched to coffee in the end - well, not in Eren's own memory but in some other time that's what they did. In his past, he just found a different tea flavor and that was enough.

Petra tucked the tray under her arm and leveled Eren a stare through the bars. It was easy to underestimate Petra, with her soft brown eyes and small stature, but anyone who did that would be making the same mistake as if they had done it to Levi. Eren nodded his thanks and took a sip. It didn't taste poisoned, but Eren thought that about every drink now. He thought of the wine . . .

"Ah, Petra, thank you. Could I have a moment alone with him?"

Petra fell into attention as Erwin entered, nodding. "Sir!" before she left.

Eren watched her leave then returned his gaze to his cup, swirling it slightly just to watch it move.

Erwin Smith sighed and took a seat, crossing his legs and resting his hands on his knee. Two hands and fully alive, what a sight to behold of the Survey Corps. former commander.

"You're a lot of trouble, Eren Jaeger." He said his name like it was a title. Maybe it was at this point. A title, a curse, not really the name of a person as much as the name of an idea, a concept. Eren drank his tea.

"What can you tell me about these 'connections'?"

Eren made himself fiddle with his cup, keeping his eyes low. "The longer it is the less I remember, but …" he took a deep breath, "titans are people. I remember that."

Erwin raised one eyebrow. Eren wondered if he got that from Levi or if Levi got it from him.

"They're human?"

"Yes - sir. Yes, sir." Eren had been a bad soldier for most of his life but he wanted to kick himself for forgetting to actually be respectful. He'd fallen far. "I don't know how, but people can be turned into titans although they don't have free will after."

Erwin chuckled. "How gratifying. They don't choose to eat us. Lovely. Tell me about Titan shifters."

Eren swallowed. "There are nine, and they all have a certain, um, feature that's unique to that titan. The Armored and the Colossal are two. I'm one, but I don't know which …"

"What are the others?"

"There's … um," Eren closed his eyes and massaged the bridge of his nose. "A … biting one? And one that walks on four legs. I think there's one that's special somehow, but I don't know. That's what the Admoded and the Colossal came here for. That special one."

"Special. What makes it special?"

"I don't know, sir. I can't remember." Eren made himself tear up a bit. "I'm sorry, I can't remember." Should he wheeze? No, don't want to lay it on too thick.

"Alright, let's talk about how you learned all of this."

"When I reached for my spoon, it felt like I blinked and ended up somewhere else. There was sand, a light, and a girl. She told me all of this."

"And you say you were there how long?"

"Four years, sir." Lying through my teeth.

"And all you did was talk?"

"Time was … strange there. Very fast, but still really slow. I felt like I grew an inch with every word she said."

Erwin leaned his head back and sighed before returning his gaze to Eren. "Are you still on humanity's side, Eren?"

No, he wanted to say. Don't trust me, don't look at me, just leave me here. "Yes, I am, sir. I'll always be."

Erwin nodded and went to unlock the cell door. "Then you better find Levi and ask for training. You're four years out of practice. I'm going to have a meeting with Zachery about your new … situation. We'll figure something out." He walked in and unlocked the chains around Eren's writs. The chafing was already healing. "Go upstairs and get some breakfast. This conversation is not over, though, so be prepared to meet with me again later today."

"Yes, sir." Eren said, wondering if it would make more sense to act like a teenager or not.

"Oh, and Eren. Some recruits just arrived today from the 104th. Be prepared to answer those questions, too."

Eren gave Erwin a look. "You want me to tell them everything I told you?"

"No. I will only be informing Squad leaders Levi and Hange about all the details. We are going to come up with a cover story for your aging right now."

Oh, wonderful. I won't have to do it.

Erwin cupped his chin. "We could say that it's stressful to turn into a titan? It has an adverse effect on the body?"

"But that would me you couldn't use me as much if it's dangerous for me." Eren couldn't help but smile. This all felt like some kind of game.

"True, but we don't know if that's actually true or not. Frankly, Eren, I'm taking what you've told me with a grain of salt. For all I know, being a Titan not only affects the body but the mind as well. We'll go with the stress thing for now. Maybe we'll change it later. Dismissed."

Eren gave a salute - another thing he hadn't done in a while - and left. In the hallway, Petra was standing, that tray still under her arm. Eren realized he never got to finish that tea.

Petra glanced at him before nodding. "Wanna go get some breakfast?"

Eren's stomach hurt. "Yes, please."

They walked in silence for a second before Petra broke the ice. "So, how old are you, uh, physically now?"

"Did the commander already tell you?"

"Yeah," Petra's fingers tightened on the tray. "Can't believe we couldn't figure that out on our own. Of course it's a strain on the body to turn fifteen meters high."

Of course Erwin already decided how this would play out. Eren shouldn't have expected anything different. In his defense though, he hasn't interacted with the man for four years. "Physically, I'm around nineteen years old."

Petra gave a small laugh, looking at the ground. "That makes you older than me, then. I'm eighteen."

Eren didn't deign to reply. They walked in silence till they got to the small dining room. Eld, Gunter, Oulo, Levi, and Hange were already there, and they all stopped what they were doing when Eren walked in. He decided not to comment and went for the buffet style breakfast, scooping watered down porridge into a bowl. Damn, he missed Niccolo.

Eren sat down next to Levi and tucked in even as the silence stretched. Hange couldn't abide that for long, though.

"So, Eren, how are you feeling?" They asked, leaning forward. It was strange seeing then with two eyes again.

"I've been better. The commander says I need supervision as I practice with the gear in this new body." Eren hated his life and the sentences that he said.

Levi took a sip of his tea. "We'll do that after we eat."

"Eren, check this out!" Hange darted forward again, unwrapping a piece of cloth and dumping a spoon onto the table.

"What." Levi said, exasperated.

"This was in Eren's Titan hand! Perfectly intact! Not bent by heat for pressure or anything! Isn't that amazing? Eren, were you trying to pick this up when you transformed?"

Eren ate his food. "Yes. It fell on the ground."

Hange clapped. "You need intent as well as self-harm to turn into a titan! Pick up the spoon, plug up the wall, it's the same thing!"

"But we can't use him for experiments anymore," Petra jumped in. "It's not good for him."

Hange's head quirked to the side but then nodded. "Oh, right."

Levi groaned into his cup. Eren wanted to laugh.

"So," Eld began, "you didn't mean to turn into a titan? It was an accident?"

Oh, right. This. "Yes."

Eld made eye contact with the members of his squad, and they all nodded. Eren made sure to watch Levi's reaction to them biting their hands this time, just for shits and giggles. He didn't get anything out of it. Man didn't even blink.

Eren parroted his surprise, pretended to be touched once again, and put away his dishes to go to training. This memory, although so expressing the first time, left a bitter taste in his mouth. He remembers bite marks on the hands of corpses. Eager eyes saying trust us , and Eren, the idiot, did.

Not this time.

…

Eren wished he could but he couldn't look out the window. As soon as someone told him they were outside the walls - how? - he knew that one more piece of new information would overload his senses, and he had no idea when he'd wake up if he passed out next.

The people - adults, they were all adults - from the 104th stuck with him the closest, but there were some other members who were looking at him strangely. Like they expected a plan from him or something.

Eren wasn't the plan guy. Eren was the bitch that could lift big boulders, and that's about all he he'd going for him.

Yeah, he much preferred the company of those he actually knew. Even if they were four years older than him which no one had really explained, still. Eren was betting (hoping) on being in a crystal coma.

"So," he said, "some of us seem to be missing . . ."

Eren glanced at his friends' faces. No one would look at him. Mikasa was even hiding her face in her scarf which was solid evidence that Eren would not like the answer.

He kept talking. "They just didn't come on this . . . mission, right? They're waiting back home? Reiner said, well, he said this a while ago, but he told me he had a new move he wanted to show me, so if he doesn't deliver . . . Why are you all looking at me like that?"

Like he'd blasphemed or something. Eren felt his blood grow hotter the longer the silence went on. "What the hell aren't you telling me? We keep secrets from each other now?"

Jean actually snorted at his, looking away with a bitter smile. "Oh, the irony."

Eren jumped up, fists shaking. "You got something you wanna say to me, horseface?"

As soon as he moved, a spike of what looked like white marble shot out from his hand. The resounding screams and yells broke Eren out of his rage long enough for it to dissolve right in his palm. He stared at it, fingers twitching, before finally returning to his seat, eyes staring blankly at the floor.

"What is going on?" he whispered. "What's happening to me?"

Armin moved closer to Eren, hands up in surrender. As if Eren was a wild animal. As if Armin didn't trust him not to attack. He looked at him with tired blue eyes, the titan lines a stark contrast to his pale skin. "So, you still have the Warhammer Titan."

Eren just looked at him helplessly. "The Warhammer . . . Titan?"

"Congrats, Eren," Connie tried to smile, "you've got three of the nine, now."

"Three? Nine what?" Eren was this close to either screaming or crying. He might do both. "What the hell are you guys talking about?!"

"Oi," Levi chided, causing Eren to shut his mouth so fast his teeth clacked together. "You'll get a full debrief when we return to the island. Put your trust in us for now. You still trust us, Jaeger?"

The way Levi was looking at him proved that this was a test. One with a very obvious right answer, so Eren didn't understand why Levi was looking at him like he expected him to get it wrong. "With my life, sir."

Levi's scowl tightened, and he got up and walked away. Eren watched him leave and wondered what he'd deone wrong this time. He should just try to stay calm. It'll be fine, it's not like anyone here was going to hurt him - not like Mikasa would let anyone close.

Unless Levi already chose people for his elite squad. Maybe Eren had new hadlers now. New executioners. Eren's hand crept up to cup the nape of his neck, rubbing it slightly as he wondered why it ached all of a sudden.

Chapter 4: A Home or a Haunt?

Notes:

I asked my friend tonight if I was going to be nice and upload another chapter and she said yes, so here you go.

Also, fun fact, I just now realized that sometimes people leave little blips in their bookmarks, and I went through all of them on all my fics. One of them tagged a story as fluff, and I was like holy fuck you're right. I don't write it enough, I don't even notice. Amazing. I wrote fluff.

Anyway, here's some more heartbreak. We're about to jump right into combat chapters my friends, and I have been listening to Kokoronashi on repeat for three days.

So, be prepared.

(also sorry it's kinda short)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Eren was still good with ODM gear. What a happy surprise. He definitely didn't expect to take it back up anytime soon - why fly when you could just be a giant and walk three steps - but it put the Corps. mind at ease, so that was something. The whole idea was to seem innocent, after all.

As soon as Levi was satisfied with his assessment, he sent Eren over to Oulo to clean out the stables - after he made Eren shave.

"Get that dead rat off your face"

"Yes, sir."

In his defense, they didn't like giving razors to the mentally unstable patients at the Marley hospital. Eren's own personal opinion was Levi wanted it gone because the older man was never able to grow a beard himself. And that is an observation Eren would take to his grave.

As Eren bent over, shoveling horse shit into a bucket, he turned to Oulo. "I don't suppose you have a tie or anything for my hair?"

Oulo was visibly grinding his teeth. "You should just cut when you were shaving. It's a bad idea to have it that long and use ODM. You would know that if you weren't such a rookie."

The obvious argument would be to point out that Eren was in the top ten of his entire cadet corps, so he obviously knew that or to point out that Eren doesn't exactly have to use the gear to fight titans, but instead he just sighed and ripped a small sliver of fabric from his shirt. He was wearing the old cape, so it's not like anyone would see it no matter how much Oulo was blubbering. With this, he couldn't get his hair as high up as he preferred, so his ponytail rested at the nape of his neck, some loose hairs falling in his eyes still.

As Eren worked, he realized something. His mouth had been crooked up into a small smile this entire time. He was actually entertained by this situation, but the world around him. As if everything was somehow fine. He felt his face fall slack. As if he wasn't the biggest bomb the world would ever know . . .

A group of people walked by the stall, short people wearing the same uniform. Eren froze as they walked by, recognizing far too many.

One of them recognized him too.

Mikasa Ackerman was still small, still had her bob, and still looked at Eren as if he was something special as opposed to something painful. The scar on her cheek was still fresh, the skin around the edges still red. Her eyes misted as she looked at him, a startled expression of fear taking over her pretty face. "Mrs. Jaeger?"

Oh, wow, that hurt.

It'd been a while since something had hurt that bad. Eren straightened up and leaned on the shovel, shaking his head. He half wanted to undo his hair but staying still seemed the safest bet right now.

At Mikasa's question, Armin skidded to a halt and stared at Eren with wide eyes, glancing at him then back to Mikasa before stepping forward. "Are you related to the Jaegers in some way, sir?"

Eren's eyes drifted to the right. "In some way, yeah."

Mikasa and Armin broke away from the group completely, charging forward into the horse stall. They came up to Eren's chest, and his heart ached. The other members of the 104th were peaking around the corner, wondering what was going on.

Eren turned to Oulo, wondering if there was a specific play he was supposed to be implementing here, but the man didn't move or speak. He stood there, leaning against the wall, watching. Armin followed his gaze, eyebrows furrowing as he thought.

Okay, let's try to curb that. "Your orders, sir?"

Oulo scowled. "Just do what the commander told you to, dumbass."

Eren suppressed a sigh and looked back down at his childhood friends. Mikasa was watching him like a hawk, grey eyes zeroing in on his face, analyzing. His eyes widened for a second before he relaxed completely. Mikasa stared at his eyes harder, her hair moving as she slowly shook her head.

"No, that's not possible . . ." she whispered.

Eren tilted his head to the side. Would the old Eren have smiled? He didn't think he had it in him. "You figured it out fast. I was sure it'd be Armin."

Mikasa took a step back, tears starting to bubble in her eyes. "That can't happen. That doesn't make sense -"

"It makes as much sense as turning into a titan," Eren argued. That was when everyone else realized something wasn't right. The rest of the new Survey Corps. recruits dashed forward, unfortunately open-minded but still in denial. Eren's eyes drifted over to the two Maryleyan warriors, sizing up their reactions. Both Reiner and Bertholdt looked sick, scared, and alone.

Hah.

Fifteen years old.

Eren felt so tired.

He almost jumped when Armin reached out for his face, sliding a small hand against Eren's cheek, turning him to look the younger boy in the eye. Armin stared at him hard, thumb gently swiping underneath Eren's eye.

"Does - does shifting do this?" Armin said out loud. "Did we do this to you . . .?"

Damn, he was so smart. Always has been.

Mikasa was still fighting not to run away, her heart at war with the rest of her mind. "Eren . . .?"

The group exploded with exclamations, screams, questions. They charge forward, reaching out to touch his face, his hair, his clothes. Eren bit down on his bottom lip and turned to Oulo. "Sir, may I be excused to explain the situation?"

"Where are you going?" Oulo asked.

Eren thought for a second, the noise dying down as he ignored the 104th. "The picnic tables in the field?"

Oulo sighed dramatically. "Fine. We can still see you from there." He leveled a hard glare at Eren. "Fucking behave, Jaeger." And he left.

Eren dodged the group of teens in front of him and walked out of the stall, calling over his shoulder, "this way."

Mikasa darted forward to his side, her hand trembling slightly as it reached out for his cloak, fisting it tightly like Eren might run off on her. She must be so stressed. Last time she saw her Eren, his face was getting beat in my Captain Levi's shoe. Eren led them to the innocuous table where he woke up into this nostalgic nightmare and promptly sat down. The others gathered around him uneasily, saying nothing.

Eren raised an eyebrow. "You don't have questions?"

"Oh, plenty," Ymir snapped. "But first I have to make sure I'm not going crazy."

Eren contemplated forcing a laugh for all but two seconds before discarding the idea completely. He could feel Mikasa's hand shaking. "I suppose that's fair. On the plus side, I'm physically nineteen now."

"How the hell," Jean stressed, "did that even happen?"

Eren laced his fingers together and leaned forward on his knees, looking down. One of the plus sides of keeping your hair long is when it would fall in front of your face and no one could see your expression. "There are apparently drawbacks to titan shifting."

He could just imagine the faces Ymir, Reiner, and Bertholdt were making. Their prior knowledge warring with the supposed evidence in front of their face. Eren almost wanted to say he was having fun. It's nice whenever you're in the know.

"What . . . happened?" Armin asked again, taking a seat by Eren.

Eren just shrugged. "Squad Leader Hange is trying to figure that out, but who knows. No one's really sure what happened. I just started aging really fast after the trial. Well," Eren tilted his head back to look at the sky. "I was growing a bit when being held for the trial, so it just kept going really."

"Is there a way to stop it?" Krista asked.

Eren was once again in awe of her acting ability. Standing there like she gave a damn. Eren wanted to laugh, but he kept it in. "Not that we know of, but we don't think it's happening too quickly since I've been aging normally all my life." Eh, why not have some fun. "Maybe it's something about my titan that's doing it."

Armin caught it. " Your titan?"

Oops. Eren blinked slowly, like he was coming back from zoning out. "What? I - I don't know. It is mine, isn't it?"

Reiner turned to Bertholdt in well disguised panic. Eren fought off a smile. He was a petty bitch.

"Who's the real enemy?"

His good mood vanished, thoughts of broken walls and screams echoing in his ears. That familiar rage burned under his skin, and he lowered his face back to the ground. The group got quiet, unsure how to proceed. Eren didn't blame them, but at least the lie was pretty. A tragic hero fit the mold a lot easier than what Eren was in reality.

"Are you still going on the expedition?" Connie eventually asked.

"Yeah. The expedition is only a trial to see which branch of the military can own me, so they can't exactly leave me here."

"No one owns you, Eren," Mikasa said, quiet but firm. "You deserve your freedom."

Freedom.

Eren looked at the surrounding faces. Ymir was alive, protectively standing next to Krista. Reiner and Bertholdt were looking worried beside each other, drifting closer to the rest of the group as if seeking comfort. Sasha was alive, sandwiched between Jean and Connie, trying to look brave. Armin was to his left, no thirteen-year expiration date. Mikasa was to his right, and she still thought he was a good person.

Yeah. Freedom was the whole point, wasn't it?

. . .

When the little airship thing ended, it was by the sea.

They were some of the first people to get off, the rest of the soldiers handling the prisoners while everyone else served as Eren Jaeger defense squad. Story of his life. As soon as his feet hit the - the sand? - he was charging forward, dodging past Sasha as he barreled towards the water. There were shouts of alarm but Armin's now-deep voice held them back.

"Let him go."

Eren couldn't believe it; it was everything Armin said it would be. The air was warm, he could taste salt in the air, and the water made noise as it crashed against the shore. Eren skidded to a halt right where the shore met the water, and he could only bounce on his feet in his excitement. For a split second, Eren floundered, then he desperately started to take off his boots, jumping on one foot as he frantically tried to charge into the water. He didn't roll up his pants, he didn't even shift the leather straps off of his feet and legs, he just wanted to stand in it.

He walked forward until the water reached his knees and finally stopped. Eren's eyes were closed, the salty wind moving his hair, the cool water gently pushing against his legs. He blinked open his eyes, feeling tears cling to his eyelashes. When he breathed, it felt like it was the first deep breath he's taken in a long time. Maybe in years.

Looking forward, you couldn't see anything. It was only the blue that gradually got darker the farther away it went. It almost seemed like the end of the world. Eren reached out his hand towards the distance, wondering how far the world went, how wide it was, when a hand slammed onto his shoulder.

He jumped and turned to see Mikasa standing behind him. It was so weird looking up at her, even stranger to see her expression: pinched, worried, . . . fearful. Eren slowly lowered his hand.

"Eren," she said, his name like a creed, "we should go."

He was confused but allowed himself to be led away. Mikasa kept her hand on Eren's shoulder until they were back with the group, even though he was barefoot and soaking wet. Levi glared at him as he tried to shake the water off.

By now everyone was off the airship, and Eren got a good look at the prisoners they brought back. There was that blonde man - his brother, apparently - and two kids. Eren wasn't standing very close to them, but it was clear all three were looking at him. The three expressions differed greatly - the blonde haired man looked conflicted, the small girl looked furious, and the small boy looked confused - but, strangely enough, Eren was starting to come to grips with the fact people would always be watching him. What did they call him in the walls?

Humanity's Last Hope

Not really , Eren thought, looking at the three being led away. Apparently humanity was doing fine. It was specifically us that were left out to dry.

Hange turned to Levi. "I need you to watch Zeke Jaeger."

Eren paused for a second - wondering why the hell Hange was giving Levi orders - but the captain glanced at him. Levi's frown deepened. "Are you sure -"

"You're the only one who would even have a chance of taking down the Beast Titan," Hange argues.

Levi just stares blankly back. "I'm the only one who would have a chance of taking down any of the titan shifters here."

Eren had a brief moment of how many are there? before what Levi just said sunk in. He felt his heart sink and a chill tumbled down his spine. He was stupid to think he wasn't off the hook just because he caught Annie.

"Eren! Trust us!"

Eren bit his lip and looked at the ground.

Jean wrapping his arm around his shoulders broke him out of his thoughts immediately. "Hey, what the hell -?"

"Come on, let's go." Jean steered him towards a - another machine? A long joining of metal cars on a track -

A train, something in his mind muttered.

This was just startling enough for Eren to allow himself to be led inside, taking a seat by a window in a small car with Armin and Mikasa. Looking out the window, Eren could see Levi still standing outside, watching them as the train sprang to life and dragged away from him. Eren twisted in his seat to watch him, his eyes drifting to the blonde man under guard next to the captain.

Zeke Jaeger caught his eyes, and Eren watched as determination chiseled his features. He stepped forward and screamed something at the departing train, and Levi was swift to kick him in the knee sending his supposed brother crashing into the dirt.

Zeke's eyes never left Eren's.

In a flash, images of the walls crumbling down - a giant foot stomping on the ground - and a skeletal hand - blood rushing to his head -

"Goodbye . . . Eren."

He slammed his back into the seat, letting his head hit the wood behind him. He choked on a scream, biting his tongue to keep quiet. Mikasa and Armin both leapt to his side, once again running their hands through his hair, across his throat.

"Stop!" He shook them off, curling into the corner, bracing his forehead against the cold glass of the window. Eren was panting, eyes hooded as he tried to think. "Just . . . stop for right now, okay. Please."

Notes:

Do I write happy stories?

no ~ not ~ really ~

Am I having fun tho?

yes ~ sir ~ ree

Chapter 5: The First Battle

Notes:

Hello, my friends. I have returned with more tragic stories and hope these break your heart. I am the sadness fairy and your tears make me strong.

Nah, but thank you for all of your attention and care. You guys are the sun and I am a needy little flower, bending to soak up your attention.

Heads up, I have strong opinions on why I don't like Erwin ( as a person, not a character) but this isn't slander if it's from Eren, is it? He knew the guy, and I could give a thousand reasons why choosing Armin was the obvious choice but I don't think anyone has time for that.

And if it feels like baby Eren is going at a snails pace, I'm sorry. Things will pick up, I promise!

Any who, on with the show!

Chapter Text

Erwin decided it would be easier to mention the aging thing after the expedition, and Eren doesn't mean to disrespect the dead, but he is so glad Levi decided to save Armin over the commander. Sheer charisma? Commander Erwin has no rivalry. Good strategy? Considering the plan for this trip was "attract the traitor and sacrifice anybody until we get to this titan trap that has only worked twice before while using our most elite squad, strongest soldier, and only titan shifter as bait", left some things to be desired

Forgive him for not crying over Erwin's death.

He was in the position he was last time - hood up so no one could see his face, his hair tucked into a loose bun. He briefly wondered what Annie would do now. How was she supposed to recognize him? Last she saw, he was fifteen years old and couldn't beat her in a fight.

That was an eye opener later in life. Eren would never have defeated Annie with fists alone. Nah, he just demolished her already broken spirit. He should be able to do both this time.

Eren watched as the groups started to separate, only knowing from asking them later where the rest of his friends ended up. His knuckles tightened on the horse's reins. He didn't know if there would be any do-overs this time.

If one of his loved ones died, they might just stay that way, and everything would be pointless. Eren's eyes trained on Levi's back. The only one he was near was about the only one he didn't have to worry about. He glanced around him, looking at Eld, Gunter, Oulo, and Petra. Did they count -

"Don't shit yourself, rookie," Oulo smirked. "Your babysitters are here to -" he bit his tongue.

Eren actually laughed. The first real laugh in a long, long time.

He'll die today.

The smile slid off his face. He wondered how long it would take for Annie to appear. He hadn't exactly been expecting her last time. Eren kept quiet and to himself as they rode, not even finding the will to look at the scenery. He's seen it all before anyway. No matter how far they went, it would all be the same. The enemy is in front of you, now charge.

Eren blinked slowly, tilting his head back to look at the sky. It was a clear day; the clouds a soft brush against the baby blue atmosphere. Some birds were flying against the rays of the sun. He wished he could join then. He wished they could all join them -

Seeing everything from above, arms spread wide and smiling - an actual smile. It was so big it hurt his face, his cheeks ached, but his heart was light. Something terrible was happening but he was prepared for that - he needed, wanted, delivered -

"Freedom," Eren whispered seeing the birds fly out of sight.

It didn't take anytime at all before they were breaching the edge of the titan forest. The horses were running weird, stumbling at random moments. Eventually, Eren could feel it too - the thudding for footsteps. The leaves in the trees shook with it, and as they got farther into the forest, the closer it got. Black smoke was fired in the air. Captain Levi gave the order to draw their blades.

Eren looked over his shoulder and finally saw her.

The Female Titan was on their heels, blonde hair obscuring part of her face as she ran. The Earth shuddered under her pursuit. A scout darted forward on his gear, but Annie made quick work of him. The soldier's blood rained down from above. She caught sight for them to her left and made a mad dash through the trees, landing hard. She was chasing them directly now.

Eren looked at her, meeting her wide, blue eyes.

The squad started to beg to use their gear, take cover in the trees as more scouts came forward to try and take her down. They all died. Levi fired a sound and reprimanded his squad, but Eren wasn't really listening anymore. He blinked once and moved to stand up -

"Eren, what are you doing?!" Gunter yelled, getting the attention of the entire group.

"Don't shift! Only if your life is in danger are you permitted to do so!" Eld commanded. "You swore an oath!"

"Eren!" Petra screamed.

"I wouldn't blame you."

They fell silent as Levi spoke. Eren had already memorized this man's words by heart, but something still let him stay and hear them again.

"Do as your conscience dictates. But, Eren, listen. You are not inherently evil. Your ability to change doesn't make you a monster. That said, it could be the other way around. How are you supposed to know where to draw the line, whether you lose control or freely give it up? Maybe it's the same." Levi wasn't looking at any of them. "Look, Eren, we don't agree because our experience brings us to opposing views. That's life. At the end of the day, there's no reason to go against how you see it. The choice is yours: you can trust yourself, or you can trust the people willing to put their lives on the line for you. I don't know which way is better - I never have. Should I act on my own instincts or put myself in the hands of my comrades and trust them? Either way, there's no guarantee. In the end, you chose what you chose. If afterwards your regrets are at a minimum, good for you."

It was quiet for a second, but Eren didn't move at all.

"Eren, please" Petra said, her brown eyes so big. "Trust us."

She had a bite mark on her hand.

Eren sighed, looking up at Levi's back. "You won't be able to trap her. She won't let you. This plan was doomed from the start."

That got the captain's attention, he turned around to watch Eren, grey eyes sharp. Eren stood up. It wasn't that hard to keep his balance on a moving horse - he'd done more difficult things. The group was quiet, watching him with mounting horror.

"I do agree with you, though. The ability to shift doesn't make a monster." Eren took off his hood, the force of the ride undid his hair, blowing it into his face. "Actions do."

Eren twisted to look at Annie, the surprise visible even in her titan form. She didn't recognize him. "Regrets? I could measure my life in them. But I've got nothing else."

His hand wandered up to his cloak, fingers steady as they undid the clasp. The Wings of Freedom blew off his shoulders and were trampled under Annie's feet. "I can't even rely on my conscience. It died a long time ago."

Eren bit his hand, and the combined forces of the Founding, Warhammer, and Attack Titan surged into being.

The first fight humanity would lose to Eren was about to begin.

. . .

It was weird seeing the gates to Wall Maria open so casually. The defense they had relied upon was just a formality now. The titans were all gone. It didn't even seem possible to Eren. He hoped he'd helped in some way.

When they got off the train, they just switched to a row of cars that took them inside. And inside. And inside. All the way to the soft heart of Wall Sena, the royal palace.

"I thought she was staying near the Reiss property she grew up on?" Sasha said, still in her gear.

"She's making an exception for this, obviously," Connie replied, looking out the window.

"Who is?" Eren asked, but everyone did the same thing they'd been doing every time he asked a question. Look at each other knowingly and try to change the subject. If Eren fought it too hard, Mikasa would try and soothe him and Armin told him to wait.

Like Eren was fucking nine or something. Like he couldn't handle whatever they're not telling.

Was he pouting? No.

They pulled up to the palace, and Eren's irritated mood skyrocketed. "Are we meeting the king?"

"Nah, he wasn't the real king. We're meeting the queen," Jean said, offhandedly. Mikasa lightly - which was still pretty hard for her - smacked him on the back of the head.

"Don't antagonize," she chided as they all climbed out of the car.

They made sure to put Eren in the middle of the group, like they were some personal guard. Or maybe they were trying to keep everyone else from making contact with him. Eren seethed. He was sick of not knowing.

"Are the others going to be there?" he asked. "Reiner, Bertholdt, Ymir, and Krista?"

"Let's just go inside, okay, Eren?" Armin was to his back, shuffling him forward.

That was it.

"How hard is it to answer a yes or no question?!" Eren finally snapped. "Honestly! What are you hiding? Why can't I know? Why the hell are you guys shuffling me around like I'm a damn criminal?!"

"Because you are!" Jean screamed back. "You's just a fucking brat right now and don't remember what you just did!"

"What!" Eren growled, taking a step towards him. "How the hell is this my fault? I don't even know what's going on!"

"And that's just fucking perfect, isn't it?!" Jean threw his hands in the air, a crazed smile twisting his face. "You don't remember. You fuck off to Marley for four mounths using the scouts as cannonfodder for your new war, and you don't even have the decency to actually remember any of it." His glared latched onto the fifteen year old who was quickly losing his fire under the onslaught. "I've never liked you, Jaeger, but I respected you enough to take your side in the fight. But now?" He shook his head. "You should be in jail, right now. You should be court martialed. I can't believe you're even still wearing the Wings of Freedom."

Mikasa jerked forward. "That is enough -"

But Jean turned to her next. "We can't all do what you do, Mikasa! We can't all keep forgiving Eren for his bullshit! He killed thousand of civillinas - children - and he's going to get away with it because he's fucking fifteen now!" Jean grabbed his hair. "Which is just like him, honestly."

Eren stood there, frozen as he watched the fight leave Mikasa. He could barely breathe as he looked at Sasha then at Connie, both of them looking at the ground, faces pinched. Eren slowly shook his head.

"If one -" Jean swallowed, "if one of us - like us, us - had died, that would've been it. I wouldn't have . . . I wouldn't be able to deal with this shit anymore."

Mikasa closed her eyes. She looked like she wanted to cry. Eren took a step back, colliding with Armin's chest. His hand clasped down on Eren's shoulder, keeping him in place. When Armin spoke it was to Jean. "You're right. Nineteen year old Eren Jaeger has committed crimes against humanity and used his connection to the Survey Corps. to fight his battles. But this Eren," Armin actually shook him, "hasn't. Look at this as a second chance, Jean. We can still talk to this Eren and make sure something like what happened yesterday . . . we can make sure we do something else next time."

Jean slowly relaxed. "You say that like you aren't going to find a way to bring nineteen year old Eren back."

"Maybe we shouldn't," Connie mumbled.

"Logically, it makes more sense not to," Armin said. "Fifteen year old Eren still has eight years before the Curse of Ymir kills him. We've been given more time to come up with a plan."

"But Zeke only has one year left," Sasha pointed out. "We'd be going back to our original plan to sacrifice Historia."

I don't even know who that is, Eren thought in a daze. I don't know anything.

He couldn't help it, he looked at Mikasa. She was staring at nothing, dark eyes dull as the conversation drifted off without her. Eren remembered how much that look would overtake her when they were little. When she first came to live with the Jaegers. She looked like her family was dead. Armin was still talking - sounding so detached but so sure, like nothing about this bothered him. Maybe he was hoping for something like this to happen.

Eren never really bothered with wondering if he was a good person or not. He was a person no matter what, so he never gave it much thought. He briefly had doubts that he was anything but a monster when his shifting ability was discovered, but Captain Levi affirmed him.

"You are not inherently evil. Your ability to change doesn't make you a monster."

Was Eren . . . not fighting the enemy anymore?

He felt like crying.

He doesn't know anything. He doesn't know what's changed, he doesn't know why he's here, he doesn't even know who the ruler of his home was. He didn't know why everyone seemed to hate him now, why Captain Levi didn't trust him anymore, and why his friends were so grateful that their Eren was gone. He had no idea why he had a brother - how the hell that even happened - and doesn't know why he'd ever kill innocents.

He still doesn't know who the enemy was.

" - let's just go, okay. We shouldn't keep royalty waiting," he heard Connie try to joke.

The mood was ruined, and they all shuffled forward in silence. Eren wanted to run, get somewhere safe and just cry, but the 104th cadet corps. graduates formed a blockade. Once again, he was caged in.

They reached a large door, ornate and guarded by two MPs. They opened it for them, and Eren heard:

"The Survey Corps, have brought Eren Jaeger, Your Majesty,"

And then the doors slammed shut behind him.

Chapter 6: The Problem with the Truth

Notes:

*cackles*

I am having so much fun.

Chapter Text

The confidence of titan shifting was dangerous. You could get drunk on it. You're suddenly so big, and so strong, and you heal so fast. It's so easy to forget how easy it is to kill you.

Annie had been ready for a fifteen year old novice to fight her in a fit of blind rage. She was going to rely on her experience as a shifter and as a soldier - both of Paradis and of Marley - to defeat him and capture him.

She was ready for the person Eren used to be. Not the monster he really was.

Annie wasn't stupid, she knew he'd transform at some point. That's why she kept her distance, leaving enough space for a titan to form before she would lay in. Too bad Eren was also the Warhammer Titan, so distance wasn't that much of an obstacle.

He came forth with a rage - a scream tearing through his throat. He slammed his fist into the earth, sending a spike of the hardened titan ability up right up into Annie's chest, careening her into the air, just like the Tybur girl had done to him. Or would have done to him. It didn't really matter anymore.

The sudden containment of the Female Titan startled everyone - including her. Her hands were wrapped around the spike, face frozen in surprise. Eren made sure to carry her high into the air, where she couldn't hope to pull herself free or call titans to eat her like last time.

Eren slowly straightened up and calmly walked towards her. His ears perked up as he heard the whoosh of ODM gear in use. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Levi waiting on a branch, not bothering to hide and with both blades drawn. A warning.

Eren turned to face him for a second, watching wearily. This Levi hadn't seen the hardening ability used to protect the nape yet. That might be Eren's only ace. He nodded his head towards the captain - that proves he's in control, right? - and continued to Annie. It was weird seeing her after all this time, moving and not encased in crystal. His jaw opened, titan steam floating out. She wouldn't stay that way . . .

A hook embedded itself in his shoulder, and Petra landed on him, screaming his name. He didn't stop but did grunt to acknowledge her.

"Eren, you can stop now!" Petra got as close to his face as she dared. "We need them alive! Stop the transformation!"

Eren didn't stop.

Another spark of pain. Oulo had joined Petra on his shoulder. "Listen to your superiors, brat! You've just received an order!"

Eren kept walking. Eld and Gunter joined them, screaming at him, raising their swords.

"Stop right now, Eren!"

"Listen to us!"

"I'll kill you! Do you hear me? I'll fucking kill you!"

Another stab of pain.

"This your choice, huh."

Levi.

Eren glanced at him again. Levi was holding his left blade backwards. Eren slowed to a halt.

Levi looked at him. "The plan was to capture it alive, for questioning and shit."

He was stuck. That was his warning. He looked back at Annie; she hadn't moved. She wouldn't stay that way. No choice, then. Eren partially exited the titan. He tossed his hair out of the way, startling everyone on him.

He turned to Levi. "I could tell you whatever you want."

One eyebrow lifted. "Really?"

Eren nodded once.

"That means you've been holding back on us."

"Yes, sir."

Levi charged forward, sword jammed right underneath Eren's neck. Ha, just like old times. Of like three days ago. Levi pressed his shoe into Eren's sternum.

"Captain!" Eld screamed.

Levi looked down on him. "Then you know who's head all those soldiers' deaths are on, right?"

Eren met his gaze. "I know."

Levi took in a sharp breath as he visibly had to drag himself away. He sheathed his blades, his glare deepening. The shadows on his face had never looked deeper. "Shitty brat. You have the same look on your face as the fucks Underground."

He swung away.

The rest of the squad hung back, gaping in shock.

"But, Captain -" Petra stepped forward.

"Retreat," he yelled back. "This is on Jaeger, and him alone."

Eren was already back in the titan, moving.

Annie hadn't exactly been resting during that conversation, though. As soon as he got close enough, Annie's arm shot up, grabbed a tree branch, and pulled herself up and over the spike, collapsing onto the forest floor at Eren's feet. He tilted his head. Was that better somehow?

This is where Eren learned something. When using the Warhammer Titan immobilizing move, make sure to aim for the abdomen and not the chest. They can still move fairly well if it's just the pecs injured.

As proven by the fact that Annie was still able to harden her shin and sweep his legs. As in sweep them completely off.

She wasted no time in tackling his prone body, snapping at his nape easily, tearing him out and into her mouth. Eren grit his teeth, the painful feeling of being forcibly removed from a titan tearing through him. He sucked in some air, his back sliding on the spit layer of her tongue. She must have started running. Eren's head was slamming against her teeth.

Too confident. Eren growled, bringing his free hand to his mouth. The both of them.

…

He knew Queen Historia. Had known her for years actually but could never have imagined she was anything other than another soldier.

"Krista?" Eren said, broken.

She was older, a little taller, and he had never seen her dressed in anything but their uniform. Now her dress - fine and expensive - bulged over her pregnant belly. Her crown sat easily on her head. "That wasn't my real name. It's been a while, Eren."

Eren wanted to leave. He wanted answers. He wanted someone to hold him. He wanted his mom. "I … I don't understand."

Krista didn't smile, but she seemed amused. "I imagine not. Then let's get you straightened out. Tell us the last thing you remember, and we'll fill you in from there."

She spoke like a CO. Eren … Eren was sure he had never met this person before. Never saw this side. Compared to Krista Lenz, though, that was probably best. Eren fell into parade rest. If he just presented this like a report then maybe it wouldn't be so … close to him.

"We … we were coming to look for you. A priest of the walls said you might know something, but then there was news of a breach in Wall Rose. Parts of the 104th and senior members of the Corps. were holding out in some castle …" Eren finished.

Krista nodded, eyes downcast. There was a beat of silence, enough time for Eren to worry, before her hard, blue eyes met his. She gracefully held out her hand. "Come here."

Unsure of what else to do, Eren approached slowly. Walking up the small steps to her throne seemed dangerous somehow. Like walking towards a bonfire. He stopped before her, looking at her small, calloused hand. She flexed her fingers, and Eren reached out -

Ymir was a titan - the Jaw Tian, something whispered - and she saved them. Nanaba was dead - she cried for her father. Mike was gone. Lost earlier - there's something else, bigger, worse than - it's - Beast Titan(Zeke . . . Zeke whole?) That's that's that's Dina's son - and this is KristaHistoria who? And then he met those eyes and -

Eren jerked himself back, falling hard onto the title floor. Mikasa rushed to his side, but he couldn't focus on what she was saying when he was trying so hard to get air in his lungs. The ceiling swam in his vision, and Eren was reminded of how he felt when he first got to this - time? Place?

There was so much he didn't fucking know.

Mikasa propped him up against her chest, Eren's arms trembling in shock. He glanced up at the queen. Her hand was tucked to her chest, her eyes wide as she looked down at him.

"What the hell just happened?" Eren wheezed. "What did I just see? Ymir - Ymir is -?

"She was a titan shifter, too," Mikasa whispered against his hair.

Eren froze and slowly turned to look at her, tears bubbling on his bottom lid. "Was . . .?"

"He's telling the truth," Historia interrupted, standing up with a hand under her belly. "He has no memories of Marley, none that were shown to me anyway. We can now move to a more private room and fill him in."

Eren's head snapped back to her. "The truth? You guys thought I was faking this?"

"We had to make sure, Eren," Sasha tried to soothe. "You've been AWOL for months. We don't know what's going on."

"Get in fucking line!" Eren was so pissed off, he basically sprung back into standing, almost kicking Mikasa in his haste. "I can't wait anymore! Nothing makes sense! Almost everyone is gone! And on top of that -" Eren laughed, high, loud, and shakily, "on top of that, my comrades hate me now!"

He refused to look at anyone. He couldn't. Eren pressed the heel of his hand against his eyes, hard, trying to stop the tears that were falling. He couldn't.

"I don't even know what I did," he cried. "I don't even know how I could have fucked up so bad that everyone who's ever known me treats me like a criminal. How is this worse than when we found out I could shift? How did it get worse? I don't get it!" Eren hunched forward, trying to stop the sobs. "I don't fucking get it."

With effort, he pulled his hands away from his face. They looked the same as always, but right now his fingers trembled in the air.

"What happened to me?" Eren whispered.

Arms wrapped themselves around him, Mikasa pressed against his back. A hand reached out and held one of his, the grip tight enough to stop his shaking. Armin brought that hand to Eren's chest and held it there as he rested his head on his shoulder. Eren felt Connie, Sasha, and Jean join them, the weight on his back heavier. He heard heels on tile as Queen Historia approached, watched her drop to her knees in front of him and cup his face in her hand. She gave a small smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"We'll explain everything now, okay?" She took his free hand and pulled. "Let's go."

Eren obeyed, helping her stand sense if it was difficult with the pregnancy. Oh, shit was Historia married? He was sure she and Ymir would -

Was, Mikasa had said.

Eren swallowed. They were led by the queen to a room just off from where they already were. It was small with big windows that let in the warm colors of the sunset. Another day, gone.

Armin offered Historia his hand which she accepted and let her to a chair at the head of a long conference table. She nodded her thanks and turned to the MP behind her. "Bring Hange Zoe here, please."

He bowed, "Yes, Your Majesty," and left the room.

"We're going to have to start without them, though," Jean said, taking a seat. "I imagine this is going to take awhile, and we have a war to prepare for."

One I started? Eren thought. Why the hell would we fight humans?

"Eren," Armin started, "try to keep calm during this explanation, okay? We'll tell you all we know, so just -"

"Keep calm?" Connie laughed. "We're talking about Eren here. Hell, I'm not even sure I can keep calm, hashing this shit out again."

The group fell into silence, everyone staring at their hands. Jean took in everyone's faces before sighing really dramatically. "Okay, I'll start, I guess. So, Eren. Ymir was a titan shifter and she fought against some of the titans from Wall Rose. I say from because they didn't break in. The person who ocetrated that whole shitshow was brother dearest, Zeke Jaeger who's the Beast Titan. He turned the humans living in Connie's village into titans."

Jean took a pause which was good because Eren's mind was already reeling.

"Titans . . . are people?" he clarified.

"Yeah," Connie reluctantly answered.

"So, we -" Eren leaned forward on the table, tapping his finger against the wood for emphasis, "we've been killing other people? All this time?"

Sasha scratched her cheek. "Technically."

Eren looked at everybody before just giving up. "Go on."

"So, anyway," Jean continued, "Ymir got a little fucked up by the fight, but that's okay cause reinforcements came in. We fell back to the wall, and you ended up trying to comfort Reiner who was having a, like, meltdown so something, and that's when he told you that he and Bertholdt were the Armored and Colossal Titans."

More silence.

Eren's voice broke. "What?"

Chapter 7: The First Kill

Notes:

SURPRISE, SHORTY

I know, I know, this is so early. Well, I'm almost done with the story. I have more than 100 pages of fanfic lounging on my google drive, so this is far from running dry.

I do wanna say sorry for those waiting on the last chapter of 10:30 Sharp. As you can see, I've been preoccupied.

Thank you so much for your kind words and continued attention. Your comments validate me, and in a pavlovian response, I write.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Eren could not fathom how on earth he was able to say he had shifted inside a titan more than once. But, it is one of the fastest - maybe only - ways of getting out of a giant mouth.

Annie hadn't gotten that far when Eren's fist broke through her teeth. He was actively able to rip her apart on the exit, he could feel where her actual body was pushed against his skull as he broke through bone and muscle. One of the grossest things he'd ever done, not gonna lie.

As soon as he crawled out of her steaming carcass, he screamed in rage into the sky. He heaved for breath for a second - fuming and tired all at once - and once again, Annie didn't waste the opportunity. Another flash of light, another crack of lightning, and the Female Titan was back in full force. Looking past her, Eren could see the Levi Squad pulling up to the fight.

He shouldn't need it, but he'd been awful cocky today. Eren shifted into a defensive stance, fists raised to his face in a mockery of Annie's style. He nodded to her. I know who you are.

She froze, the shock clear on her skinless face, before falling into the same stance. More out of habit and fear than anything else. Whatever. Annie deserved the chance to fight back.

I'm just like you, Eren thought before charging forward.

His foot left an indent in the soil, kicking up small rocks and tree roots as he shot forward, landing a blow right on Annie's face, dislocating her jaw. He reared back and hit the same spot again, this time breaking through the tendons of her face. Her jaw slid free, hanging on by the skin of her left side only. She stumbled, and Eren didn't let up.

The goal was to not let her kick him, and it was easier said than done. He almost got cut in half by one timely kick that sliced right through a tree instead. Eren wasn't fifteen years old anymore though. He had a couple new tricks up his sleeve. Using the Warhammer ability, he stabbed through Annie's shoulder, the spike coming out of the dirt behind her. She was propelled into his knee and collapsed to the ground. Eren grabbed her by the hair and opened his mouth, but she used the heel of her hand to break his nose, pushing him back, giving her room to slide off the spike.

At that point, it seemed like Annie was going to cut her losses. She turned tail and tried to run, but ran into the Levi Squad. They came forth in a fury, slicing, cutting, and trying to dodge Annie's attacks. In a moment of blind luck, Annie was able to grab hold of one of Eld's cables, yanking him off course and right to her open hand.

Eren didn't hesitate, jumping forward, and curling himself gently around the soldier. Unfortunately, that gave Annie the opening to grab Eren's hair instead, pulling him towards her to try and snap at his nape. She got another elbow to the face. Eren had Eld cupped against his chest in his left hand while trying to fight Annie off his head with his right while tiny, fragile humans darted around at the same time.

Fucking enough.

Eren created another spike that came up out of the ground and right into Annie's - face apparently. He'd been aiming for the torso. Whatever. Eren curled his hand open, and Eld wasted no time vacating the premises. The hit left Annie just dazed enough for Eren to end this.

He turned around, yanked her head forward and down, and bit out the nape of her neck.

He could feel her connection to the titan sever, and he used his tongue to make sure she ended up under his teeth as he chewed. The forest was quiet without the rampage, and the blood on his tongue was salty. It slid down his throat with the rest of Annie's body.

He titled his head back as he swallowed, glazed green eyes staring through the leaves to the darkening sky above. He could see -

Marley.

Dad, stop, stop it, I'm tired - I'm -

Training - Reiner, Bertholdt, Marcel, Pieck, Porco, Colt, Zeke

Pain, it hurts, Dad, Dad - Dad, "Stop"

"Annie, come back home."

Marcel's gone, go home - go home -go home

Can't breathe, Reiner, go home!

Inside. Inside, so many walls. I wanna go home

Training, friends - no, no, no

Marco

Dead dead dead dead home

I didn't want this.

I never wanted any of this.

I just wanna go home.

"Eren Jaeger"

Home, take me home.

I'm going home.

There was a small, fair haired girl staring at him. She was sitting on the sandy ground, the light of a frozen lightning bolt casting shadows on her face. She reached for him -

Eren blinked. There was blood in his mouth.

. . .

"That was a joke, right?" Eren smiled. "That didn't actually happen."

Armin sighed. "Eren -"

"No way," he shook his head vehemently, standing up. "Because if that - if that's true then that means it was all their fault, yeah? Reiner and Bertholdt? Their fault? That the wall fell, that Trost happened, that - that my mom -" A laugh bubbled out of his throat, getting louder and louder by the second. "That means - that . . . means -"

Mikasa reached out and held his sleeve. He turned to her for anything she'd give, but her eyes were sad and dark, just like they've been since the beginning of this nightmare. "It's going to get worse, Eren. Listen."

Her face is what did it. Her miserable, sullen face that was fuller than when she was fifteen. She was eating well, finally. She was tall, strong, and pretty, and she looked so sad. Eren let her drag him back down to the table.

Jean wasn't really watching him; he had his elbows on the table, resting his forehead against his laced hands. Connie was looking off to the side, staring at nothing, and Sasha was looking down, biting her lip. Eren looked over at Armin and Historia. Both blondes were looking down too, eyebrows pinched over the past. Shared memories of things that hurt. Memories Eren didn't have.

Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much if he had lived this with them.

"So, yeah," Jean continued. "They shifted and tried to kidnap you - which was apparently their whole goal to begin with -"

"Me?" Eren interrupted. "You're saying the Colossal and Armored Titans broke down the wall to kill me, specifically?"

This was all his fault?

"Well, technically to get my sister, then your dad, and then you," Historia chimed in, clearing up absolutely nothing.

Eren felt hopeless. "What?"

"Learn some patience and you'll find out, dumbass," Jean scowled. "And it wasn't to kill. It was to kidnap. Anyways obviously you didn't want to go with them so that started another fight. Everyone who could shift shifted except Ymir cause she was busted up. You were actually doing pretty well against Reiner - might've even won that fight, but they dropped the Colossal on you, and that was the end of that."

"Dropped -!" Eren began.

"THEN!" Jean cut him off. "Commander Erwin said, we gotta go get Eren, and the rest of us were like, fuck and went after you guys with help from the Garrison. Found you knocked out strapped to Bertholdt's - human Bert - back like luggage with no arms as you rode the Armored Titan out of here. Ymir was also transformed and she nabbed Historia before climbing up too."

"There were Titans everywhere," Connie jumped in. "The Corps. was outnumbered and we didn't have any of our top ranking soldiers - except Mikasa - because Mike was killed earlier and Captain Levi's leg was hurt by Annie."

"We tried to talk to them. Bertholdt almost seemed like he wanted to listen," Armin said, quietly. "But they wouldn't give you back. We didn't even know what they wanted with you. We had some ideas later, but it was nothing compared to reality."

"Reality," Mikasa fingered her scarf, "is always so much worse."

"That battle was horrible. We lost so many people. Commander Erwin lost an arm," Sasha clenched her eyes shut. "And we barely slowed them down."

"The commander was able to cut you loose, then later lead a horde of titans to attack Reiner. The Armored Titan ended up throwing them to try and keep us from leaving. We were able to recover you and Historia, though, so the only goal was to go home." Armin laced his fingers together. "We were completely overpowered."

"I had been grabbed by a titan earlier in the fight," Mikasa spoke softly. "Jean saved me. But that meant I could use the gear properly. You and I ended up stranded on the ground surrounded by titans. One singled us out, and … we recognized it." She didn't look at him as she talked. "It was the one that killed your mother."

Of course it was. That was the worst thing that could've happened, so of course it was that bastard. Eren didn't know if he was breathing.

"Hannes came to help us. He took her on all by himself. You tried to transform, but Reiner and Bertholdt made sure to weaken you so fighting back wasn't an option. You barely had hands. The Attack Titan couldn't help us." Mikasa closed her eyes, wincing at the memory. "Not that that stopped you, though. You chewed through to the bone. Hannes ended up dying that day, though . . ."

The floor came out from beneath him. Eren definitely wasn't breathing. His vision swam as he tried to focus on the words.

"That was … too much for you. I thanked you for saving me - all the times you did, and you said you'd save me again," Mikasa's hand wormed into his. "And as the Titan reached for us next, you stepped forward and threw a punch at her hand."

Her, Eren retained, blinking slowly. Her?

"The rest of the titans suddenly attacked her, tearing her to pieces on your orders. You carried me on you back, screaming at the other shifters to stay away. That you'd kill them."

"Ymir had been helping us fight," Historia whispered. "She turned back to help Reiner and Betholdt escape the horde, though. She said sorry." She closed her eyes. "That was the last time we saw her."

"We all hurried back to Wall Rose. Reiner and the others headed for Wall Maria. At that point, almost all the titans made inside Rose were dead. The Beast Titan was nowhere to be found." Jean leaned back in his chair. "But we had other problems at that point."

"Other problems?" Eren's voice was rough. His face was wet.

Jean opened his mouth, but then the door banged open.

"Hello!" Hange sang as they walked inside. "Hope you haven't had too much fun without me -"

They cut themselves off when they saw everyone's faces. Eren looked at them with fresh tears pouring down his face. Their hand dropped. "What part are you at?"

"We're just about to tell him about the coup," Connie told her.

"Coup?" Eren sounded so tired. So beat down. He was too used to the feeling. "What do you fucking mean a coup?"

Hange smiled wide and took a seat. "Well, you see this one is kind of fun -"

"Your Majesty! Commander Hange!" A guard burst into the room, face pale. "Darius Zackery is dead!"

Everybody sat in shock.

"Dead?" Connie repeated.

"What happened?" Hange spoke in a no-nonsense voice, one Eren only heard in dire situations.

"A chair - that chair he liked was delivered to his office, and a bomb had been placed inside!" the guard was out of breath, but she tried to give a proper salute. "There's a hole in his building. People reported seeing the ones who delivered the chair, but they lost them in the protest."

"Protest?" Armin stood. "The people are protesting?"

"Yes, sir. They demand that Eren Jaeger be released from prison."

Everyone turned to look at Eren, noticeably not in jail.

"We couldn't have anyone see our battle flag suddenly deaged," Hange explained. "Eren would have been imprisoned for his crimes on Marley anyway, so we just went with it."

"Marley?" Eren asked, but he was ignored.

"So it now looks like the hero of Paradis Island is being punished unjustly by what might be another corrupt government." Jean slammed his fist on the table. "Damn it!"

"We have descriptions of the perpetrators, though?" Mikasa asked.

"Yes, ma'am," the MP looked uneasy. "They were Survey Corps. recruits."

There was a beat of silence.

"Why don't we take a break and come back to this later?" Historia said.

Notes:

le fight scene.

le heartbreak.

Chapter 8: Alone, but Wanted

Notes:

Hello, friends!

Guess what? I finished writing the story. I plan on uploading a chapter a day or maybe every other day depending on what my schedule allows. It fucked me up but it's actually happier than I expected.

But this is me so that doesn't really say much.

I do want to say that the future chapters are going to be rough. I'm going to hit you back to back to back as hard as I can, but remember I have "fix it" in the tags. Who knows what time travel has in store for us? But I also tagged major character death too. Just be ready and don't panic too much!

I want to thank you for the attention you've given this fic. I've never written anything so fast and your praise really pushed me along.

Enjoy!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Levi personally dragged Eren out of his titan when the rest of the Corps. showed up, probably wondering why the plan was taking so long. Levi sat Eren on one of the giant tree branches, blades unsheathed, as they waited for Erwin to come. It kind of reminded him of when he was kidnapped by Reiner and Betholdt.

Hange found them first, their eyes wide as they stared at the steaming bodies of the Attack and Female Titans. They landed right next to Levi and Eren, pointing while making weird noises.

"Just spit it out already," Levi growled.

"Wha-what happened here?" they eventually asked.

"This fucker," Levi kicked Eren, "ate our traitor."

Hange blinked once, twince, turning to Eren. "You did what? Ate her? Levi said ate her. You ate her?!" Hange's hands flew to their hair. "Wait, it was a her? Who was it?"

"Annie Leonhart, she was in our cadet class. She joined the Military Police," Eren drawled, once again ripping his shirt to tie his hair back.

Hange dropped to their knees and crawled right to Eren's face. "You knew her?"

"Yeah. She came here for me specifically."

"Why?" Levi asked.

"I'm not sure yet. I'm still processing her memories."

Hange screamed right in his face. "Memories?!"

Eren leaned back. "Yeah, I stole her shifting ability, her power, and her memories." Eren's head snapped up. "Oh, and we might want to keep and eye on Bertholdt Hoover and Reiner Braun. Those were her comrades, and they're probably pissed."

"Wait, are those new recruits?" Hange asked, suddenly serious. "There are more traitors?"

Traitors? Yeah, a bunch of them. Including me. "I don't know what squad they're in -"

"Commander!" someone shouted.

Erwin had arrived on the scene. He stopped right next to Levi, surveying the carnage with his trademark detachment. He didn't even have to ask, Hange was already talking.

"Eren says there are more titan shifters in the area, more than likely they're hostile."

Erwin closed his eyes and took a breath. "Names?"

"Bertholdt Hoove -" Eren was cut off by a scream of agony. "Oh, it seems they're here already."

The scream eventually morphed into Eren's name, honestly that seemed to be the Marley anthem. Bertholdt almost crash landed as he used his gear to reach them. Reiner was nowhere in sight.

Bertholdt kneeled on the ground face blank as he stared at Eren, tracing his face for a glimpse of . . . guilt? Compassion? Eren didn't know if he could muster up the strength.

His eyes were bulging out of his skull as he asked. "You … Eren, you killed her?"

Eren sighed and reached for him, encircling Bertholdt's wrist with his hand. He pulled him closer, ignoring the shifting positions of the veterans. Eren pulled him into a hug, tucking his face into his shoulder. He placed his hand on the back of Bertholdt's head, could feel him trembling. "I'm sorry. I didn't want this either."

He yanked Bertholdt forward even more and chomped down on the nape of his neck, breaking through skin, muscle, and bone.

Bertholdt tasted the same as Annie, and Eren heard -

Home, Marley - friends or warriors or nothing.

Pointless, is it pointless? Reiner, I think it's useless -

Everyone's dead and Annie's heavy. Shiganshina is ruined - find the founder and go home. Why home?

Armin, Mikasa, Eren - they were all there, Reiner, they were there -

Marco is - Marco just - Reiner, what did you say?

"Did this break you?"

Who would want to do this? What happened to us?

I don't know what to do -

I wanna go home. I think. I think, Annie, can we go home? I wanna take you home -

Annie, I have to tell you I -

Annie?

ANNIE!

no, nonononoNO PLEASE!

don't take her away from me …

Eren?

Eren, what -

"it hurts -"

A small girl standing in sand. She took a step forward, holding out her arms. She shivered though there was no wind. There was nothing here but sand. Maybe we could make something. She took a step -

Eren held on to Bertholdt's body as he blinked back into the present. Memories clouded his mind, and it took a second for Eren to remember where he was, who he was. There were so many people living in his head.

The Colossal, the Female, the Warhammer, the Founder, and the Attack Titan were his. He was one of the strongest titan shifters in history, so why were his legs so weak? He could hear the adults talking to him, could see movement out of the corner of his eye, but he had never felt more tired.

Bertholdt's body wasn't even cold yet. Eren clung to him, leaning down to hide his face in the dead kid's short hair.

"Who would ever want to do this?"

I just want to live. Is that so bad? I just want to be free. I want the people I love to be free. Eren couldn't even cry. I just want us all to be free -

The sound of lightning. A flash of light. The scream of a titan.

Reiner just found out he was alone, now.

Eren looked up and saw the Armoured Titan crying to the sky, head thrown back and arms out wide. If a titan could cry, Reiner would be in tears.

Members of the Corps. dashed forwards, blades drawn as they rushed to take the Armoured down. Eren stood, a little wobbly. He felt weak, he felt flushed, he felt drunk.

He felt so damn sad.

Someone touched his shoulder. "Eren?"

Hange was looking at him with a healthy dose of caution, eyebrows pinched and low over their eyes. Eren gave them a nod.

"It's almost over," he told them. "And then I can explain everything. Anything you think they can tell you, I can instead. Trust me to end this."

Levi scoffed behind him, raised his foot and kicked him forward. "Then fucking finish it, shitty brat."

The Armoured was reaching for them. Eren jumped down and transformed for the third time today. His Titan didn't look that different, slightly taller maybe - but he could feel the bomb that he smothered through that transformation. Looks like he inherited something useful from Bertholdt.

Eren summoned the same spike, but it just pushed Reiner around, unable to pierce the armor. Eren couldn't use the Warhammer for this. He hardened his knuckles and attacked. It wasn't like the last time they fought, when Reiner was so desperate for death he would knee before Eren and beg for it. No, this right here was the rage and pain coming from desperation. The agony of being alone. Being the only one left.

Eren could concur. He refused to feel like that ever again. He jumped forward and tackled Reiner to the ground, somehow miraculously able to get him in the same hold he did the very first time they fought. He used his arms to start to break apart the armour.

In his mind's eye, he could see the little fractures building along the nape of Reiner's neck. That must be the Female's power. He could pinpoint exactly where to hit, could see it clear as day. He was even able to use the Warhammer to make those spaces bigger. Reiner could barely struggle as his back opened.

Soldiers came forth and tried to help, but their blades broke on the hardened titan flesh Reiner dressed himself in. Eren pulled harder. Shards of armor fell to the forest floor. Reiner's mouth dropped open, and that terrible scream echoed through the trees - scaring birds into the sky. The armour broke free, and Eren rolled them to the side.

His hands were shaking, his breaths heavy. This was almost too much at once, the very edge of what he could handle. His breath burned his throat as he bit down on Reiners nape. Blood -

Marley looked the same, his family was the same. His mother said he was half.

He could make his life better.

Be a warrior, be a warrior, be a good warrior -

Chosen, but scared. Saved, but damned. Marcel, why couldn't you - Annie, no.

"Knock it down."

Be a soldier, be a soldier, be a good soldier -

So many names.

Armin, Connie, Sasha, Jean, Mikasa, Eren, Thomas, Mina, Floch, Krista, Ymir,

Marco -

Add those names to add to the others. Names of friends, names of enemies, names of angels, names of devils -

Where does my name fit?

Break it down, kill them all, it's fine as long as we succeed. They're doomed anyway, this is a favor, favor, favor -

"Eren."

Green eyes narrow, green eyes crying, green eyes looking to the sea.

Drowned in sorrow, betray the dying, constantly fighting to be free -

Free?

I want to be free, too -

Sol - war - dier - rior

Lines blurred

Save my friends

Kill the devils

Friends are dead

Friends are dead

Annie's corpse and Bertholdt's blood all over Eren's mouth, bubbling out the sides and down his throat - so thick and copper and it's not good don't want -

All alone.

Always alone.

You deserve to be alone.

Hear me?

Fucking waste disappoi nt in g

h orri bl e self i sh s tu pi d

F A I L U R E -

H O M E . . .

. . . I W A N N A G O H O M E . . .

Hear me?

"ER en - ?"

A small girl standing in sand walking towards him. He must be kneeling because she seems so tall, so big. Her hand reaches for him, and he can't close his eyes as her fingers - rough - gaze his cheek.

"Where are you?"

This is the first time he's heard that voice but he would recognize it in a heartbeat. Ymir wipes a tear off his face and tilts his head up. He closes his eyes.

"Eren?"

He's still in his Titan form, but he's so weak, he can feel it decaying around him. It takes effort, but he pushes his way up and out, back breaking through his own nape. He's covered in blood and it's all he can taste. There were tears in his eyes, dead air in his lungs. You would think Eren would be used to this feeling, used to being the monster he had always wanted to destroy. The tears wouldn't stop, and there were so many names on his lips. He tilted his head up to the sky above. It was hard to see the blue through all the leaves.

It could shatter and rain down on him, and Eren wouldn't move.

He couldn't move.

He'd overdone it.

No one's there to catch him when he falls.

…

Through some miraculously stupid mishap of scheduling and orginaztion, Eren found himself alone and unsupervised. Great, always ideal. Nothing bad could ever come from a clueless security risk wandering around the capital after a terrorist attack done in his name.

No one even fucking gave him a room to wait in. They all just fucking left.

Eren bit his lip and tried to quiet the voice that says they didn't want to be around him. He was still sitting at the same conference table as before, a clock sitting loudly somewhere nearby. As soon as they got word of Zackley's death, the MPs had swarmed Historia and taken her somewhere safe. Everyone else moved under Hange's orders - they weren't a squad leader anymore, were they - and marched out the door to round up some wayward recruits. As Mikasa passed him, she squeezed his shoulder and forced him to keep his seat. "Don't do anything." and then she was gone.

Armin barely looked at him as he left.

Jean's accusations rang in his skull. Eren shook his head, clenching his fists. He didn't want to think about that, didn't even want to contemplate what he said -

"- are you? Eren?"

Eren stood up with a sharp jolt, his chair unending behind him, falling softly on the carpeted floor. The clock ticked on. No one was there, but that didn't stop him from calling, "Hello?"

Tick tock, tick tock

None of that, Eren thought as he made a beeline for the door. That's a hard no.

"Fucking hearing voices now," he muttered under his breath. "You've lost it, Jaeger. You're fucking crazy."

When he left the room, he wasn't sure what to do. It was like no one was even in the fucking castle. Why the hell did the MP's leave this place unguarded? Eren moved cautiously. He had been kidnapped one too many times to ignore whenever he felt uneasy. If he could make it to familiar territory, he might be able to stabilize his own deteriorating emotional state. After all, Mikasa said "don't do anything", not "stay here". Not doing anything could be up for interpretation. She knew that.

Eren walked down the empty halls until he made it past the front door. No one was there. They must all be at the Justice Building inspecting the muder. Eren almost wished he was there too. Might make him feel more useful. He absentmindedly rubbed his ears, the echo of a little girl's raspy voice still lingering. Eren moved as if he could physically escape it. He walked a little farther into town, glancing at the buildings as he went. The future? Things honestly didn't look that different here.

He stopped when he saw one building. One that left a sour taste in his mouth. Eren spent his punch drunk, post-Battle of Trost haze chained up in the basement of that courthouse before his face was beaten in front of a crowd. Why the hell was he walking towards it. Why the hell was he going towards the side door, going down the stairs, and back down into that jail. Eren rubbed his ear again. What purpose was there to -

He heard his name.

Okay, granted, Eren isn't the most popular or well-liked of any group, so generally there are two people he could count on to actually be happy to see him, but not even Jean said he name like that. Like it was something dirty. Like it was a slur -

"Eren Jaeger."

Eren turned the corner and saw two twelve year olds in jail. Two twelve year olds that he recognized from the trip over. The blonde boy was leaning against the wall on his bed, eyes hooded. Eren raised an eyebrow. The girl on the other bed was sitting in the middle of it, the thumb of her nail firmly lodged between her teeth as she growled.

"Eren Jaeger."

Neither of them notice him. He couldn't really help the incredulous expression that took over his face. He crossed his arms and leaned into his hip. "You called?"

That got their attention.

The blonde haired boy jumped and as soon and his eyes locked on Eren, he froze. The girl screeched and slammed herself against the bars, small arms jutting out as if to grab him. She almost looked like she was foaming at the mouth.

Eren pointed at her, looking at blondie. "Is she rabid?"

The boy shook his head slightly. "I -"

"You bastard!" the girl hissed, brown eyes burning. "You fucking bastard. I'll kill you! I swear I'll kill you for what you did! You killed them - you killed all of them, Eren Jaeger!"

"Gabi . . ." the boy said helplessly.

Eren barely heard him, he was too busy looking at the girl reaching for him, nail flashing in the lantern light. She felt uncomfortably familiar. Dull pain started to build behind his eyes, and Eren had to close them for a second to fight it off. He didn't even know if he deserved that hate.

"I -" Eren took a breath and opened his eyes again. "Look, I'm confused by a lot of things right now - I - I'm having . . . time and . . . memory issues, so if you could, like, calmly explain why you hate me, that'd be cool?"

Ah. In the face of his stupidity even insurmountable hate is apparently calmed. Gabi was standing there, angry confusion on her face. "How the fuck did you do that, anyway? Is that the Founder's power or just more of your second rate Eldian mutations?"

"Gabi!" the blonde boy hissed, looking nervous.

"I," Eren held up an index finger, "have no idea what those words mean."

Gabi slammed her hands against the bars, flashing teeth. "You mean you attacked us and you didn't even know?"

"I attacked you?" Eren asked. "Wait, are you from this Marley place?"

"He doesn't even know!" Gabi screamed at her companion.

The boy looked confused now. "You were in Marley for months . . ."

"Um," Eren grit his teeth. "Maybe I'm not being clear - I have no memories of my . . . future self? Sure, we'll go with that. Future self. I'm fifteen, and I have no clue what's going on, but I've been told I've killed a lot of people recently, and frankly, I don't care even if you guys tell me why anymore just so long as someone tells me something." Eren scowled at the floor. "People keep dropping little fucking hints like how a curse is going to kill me, I have three of the nine - whatever that fucking means - and some of my closest friends in the world apparently are traitors -"

"Don't talk about Reiner!" Gabi was back to screaming. "Don't you fucking talk about -"

Eren frowned. "You know Reiner?"

She stuck her chin out, eyes fierce and proud. "He's my cousin. I'm going to get his titan."

That got the other boy going. "No, I am."

"Falco, are you fucking serious -" Gabi turns and irritated eye on her friend, but he wasn't backing down.

"I'm going to be the Armoured Titan -"

"Like hell -"

Their fight went on for a second while Eren struggled with the truth that Reiner's entire family hadn't died during the fall of Wall Maria like he told him.

"Wait, wait, hold on," Eren took a small step forward, picking up anything that would push those thoughts away. "You can become titan shifters?"

Falco wrung his hands. "You don't even know that -"

"They're island devils, what did you expect." Gabi scrunched up her nose. "The worst of the worst."

Eren glowered. "Thanks, kid. Your oh so important opinion of me cuts deep. I'll cry about this later."

"You could stand closer, and I can make you cry now!"

"Oh, my god, there's two of them," Falco said faintly, voices rising behind him. "I'm too tired for this."

Eren and Gabi were in a full screaming match, bothing inching forward as if they were going to attack each other regardless of the iron bars separating them.

"- my cousin who had to live here with you stupid devils!"

"I fucking lived with him for five years. Reiner taught almost all of us how to fight! He and Annie trained me personally!"

"Fucking dumbass, you don't even know what his middle name is!"

"It's Adal!" Eren snapped. "He lost a bet to Connie and had to tell all of us!" Eren started counting on his fingers. "He's an early bird, and he usually helps the rest of us get to the field on time. His favorite drink is coffee - he hates tea. All kinds of tea, but especially green tea. Probably because he has to have sugar in every meal! He ties his shoes with bunny ears, and he would give me shit for not doing the same." Eren's eyes were burning. "He likes to cook … he would help Sasha if we could get them both in the kitchen. He isn't artistic at all … can't hold a tune and could barely draw a straight line, but he liked watching others do it. Krist- Historia can play the piano, and he'd sit there for hours listening if he could. Mikasa can draw, and Reiner always liked watching her do it. He had a little sketch of all our trainee group in his bunk … he - he -" Eren's hands fell to his sides.

The prison was silent. Gabi having lost the urge to interrupt the long Eren went.

"I know him," he said, staring at the ground. "I know just about everything about him that mattered, but … I knew nothing. I still don't know a damn thing."

Eren locked eyes with Gabi, his intensity shocking her. He marched forward with such purpose, she unconsciously took a step back as he wrapped his hands around the bars. "I don't know what we could have done - what we did to deserve what he did to us. Why?" Eren got in closer. "Why did he come here? What was the point? Why did Bertholdt kick down the wall?! Why did they come here if it was only to hurt us?! What did we do!"

"Eldians -" Gabi stuttered, "Eldians killed millions of people -"

"I don't even know what that is!" Eren screamed.

"You!" Gabi screamed back. "We're Eldians! We conquered the world and tried to destroy everything! The least we can do now is -"

"When?!" Eren shrieked.

"What?"

"When did that happen? When did we supposedly kill millions of people?!"

"C-centuries ago-"

"Oh, my god." Eren slammed his forehead against the bars, eyes shut tight but tears were escaping anyway. "No one here was alive centuries ago!"

"That's not the point! We're all guilty!"

"My mom's name," Eren's green eyes were bright as he glared, "was Carla Jaeger. She was the wife to the only doctor we had in Shiganshina. She took in an orphan for no reason other than she needed a home. She volunteered at soup kitchens and would knit five sweaters every winter - three of me, Mikasa, and my best friend, and two for the children who lived around the corner who were too poor to do anything but freeze when the snows came. She took care of everyone and made sure we were all happy, and she always wanted to open a restaurant of her own because she loved to cook. Not that we'll ever know how good it's be because Bertholdt kicked a piece of Wall Maria into my house." Eren pressed his face hard against the bars. "What did she do to deserve that?"

Gabi gaped, face ashen. "A hundred years ago -"

Eren shook his head. "My mother wasn't alive a hundred years ago. She died five years - well, I guess nine years ago. A boulder pinned her under our house, so when the titans came, she couldn't run. I watched one eat her." Tears fell on the stone floor. "What did she do to deserve that!"

He reached forward like lightning, fisting Gabi's collar. He yanked her forward, her head slamming against the bars as he locked eyes with her. "Why did my mother have to die?!"

The girl only gaped at him, and Eren threw her down with disgust, backing away as Falco rushed to her side.

"I don't know everything that I did in Marley. I heard it was bad. Fucked up. I heard that children died." Eren wiped his eyes. "But I do know that I didn't throw the first punch. You want to hate me? Fine. Do it. I killed your friends, it's only natural. But know that you killed mine, too. The war isn't suddenly unfair just because people you know get hurt. It's always been unfair." Eren released a bitter laugh as he shook his head. "You guys don't seem like idealists like Armin. I wish that we could settle things peacefully. I wish no one else had to die because it's a fucking waste. We're all human. But I've lived on the streets and I'm in the military. I know one of the only ways to get people to leave you and the ones you care about alone is to be too big and bad for them to risk it.

"I'm not going to let you kill us, but go ahead and try to stop me. You have the right to fight for your freedom, too." Eren turned around and left.

He took the stairs two at a time, rushing out the door and back into the sunlight. His heart felt like it was shaking in his chest, his entire body wracked with shivers. He was jittery, fired up, raw. He forced himself to take deep breaths, tilting his face up to the sun.

A hand suddenly clamped down on his shoulder.

"There you are, Eren."

There was a flash of pain, his hands reaching up too late to stop the syringe from stabbing into his neck.

"Just relax and come with me, okay?"

Eren struggled to open his mouth, trying to scream or breathe or do anything. Captain Levi's name was a wheeze on his tongue, and when he fell, he felt a stranger's arms catch him.

A hand caressed his face, fingers sliding gently over his eyelids, and that was the last thing he felt.

Notes:

Dun dunnn DUNNN

Chapter 9: Information Exchange

Notes:

Ya know how I said I was probs gonna post once a day? Apparently I'm just too damn excited. I'm like, get everything out there, but the other hald goes pacing pacing

and now I say shut up to that other half.

*Giggles manically*

What can I say, your comments validate me.

Also this is kinda dialogue heavy and action light so-

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Eren dreamt of fire and blood. He saw screaming children being crushed under titan feet. He saw mothers carrying their children overhead, passing them through a crowd to get farther away from him. Eren crawled forward, silent in the screams -

A little girl in sand, sitting at his side. She reached out and held his hand.

"Where are you, Eren?"

He turned to face her. "What?"

He couldn't see her eyes. "Where are you?"

"I'm right here."

She faced the carnage again. "Part of you is."

"Eren?"

He blinked open his eyes. A hand rested on his forehead, smoothing his hair back. It was dark wherever they were, and Eren's eyes slowly adjusted. He tried to sit up, but hands reached out and pressed him back into the bed. His mouth was dry, and he was hot, sweating underneath the blankets. Eren hadn't gotten sick after he became a shifter, his healing factor helping him stay healthy, but right now he felt like he had a fever. His blood felt like it was cooking in his veins.

A shadowed figure moved into his line of a sight, a blessedly cool hand once again cupping his cheek.

"Mh'am?" he mumbled, reaching forward with heavy arms.

"Eren, are you awake?"

He struggled to formulate any words, sweat puddling on his upper lip as his hand fell limply back onto the bed.

"We have you move you, okay? We're going somewhere safe."

Safe? I don't know where that is . . . darkness dragged him back under.

A girl sitting next to him. He was lying in the sand. She was meticulously burying parts of him.

"No one is meant to do this," she said softly, sadly. "It doesn't know if it likes it."

Eren's tongue felt like cotton in his mouth. He croaked out a response anyways. "What doesn't?"

When Ymir looked down at him, Eren could see under her dirty, blonde bangs. Her eyes were hollow, long bled dry of any tears she could possibly shed. It was the first time he'd ever seen that shade of gold.

"Life hasn't decided if it likes being contained in one place," she whispered. She reached out and covered his eyes. "Eren, tell me where you are."

"I -" he choked. "I'm right here."

She sighed and gently covered his face with sand -

When Eren woke up next, he felt a little better. Not by much, but he wasn't burning away inside anymore. When he opened his eyes, he could keep them that way. Yay for small miracles. He was alone in a small room, no windows and only one door. There was a chair by his bed, facing him as if to keep watch. Or stand guard. Depends on who it was, he supposed.

When he sat up, his head swam, a headache he hadn't been aware of before surging forward at full force. He hiss and covered his eyes, struggling to calm himself enough to actually get up. His hair fell forward.

Wait, what? Eren peaked around the corner of his palm to see a lock of dark hair tumbling off his shoulder and come just shy of brushing the covers in his lap. He touched it lightly, rubbing it between his fingers. It was softer than before, clean and shiny with some nautical gray streaks mixed in. How long had he been asleep?

Adrenaline started pumping through his veins, giving him the strength to get up and walk on unsteady legs to the door. Gunter was waiting outside, looking at him with shock.

"How -" Eren took a break to cough, "how long has it been?"

Gunter blinked at him uselessly. "Y-you're awake!"

"How long has it been?" Am I too late?

Eren leaned against the doorframe, breathing a little heavy. Gunter moved forward, grabbing his upper arm. "You need to go lie down, you're not well -"

"Well, look who decided to join us." Both men turned to see Levi sauntering down the hallway, a scowl on his face. "I was just coming to take my shift, and low and behold, one of our sick shifters is up and about."

One of them? Fuck - "How long was I asleep?"

"The better part of two months, now get your ass back in that room." Levi reached up and grabbed Eren by the back of his neck, but thankfully only steered him back in the room and tossed him back onto the bed. "You've got some explaining to do, brat, starting with your dietary choices, but let's wait for the others to pop in. Gunter, get Erwin and Hange. Tell them - and only them - Jaeger's awake. We don't need his groupies butting their way into this."

"Sir!"

Eren sat up on the bed, staring down at his hands. They wouldn't stop trembling. Two months? What all had happened? What had he missed -

"Thinking awful hard there. Share with the class?" Levi turned the chair around and plopped down, arms folded over the back.

Eren turned to face him. "What all has happened? You said you have another shifter -?"

"Yeah, who you don't get to interact with unless you get the munchies again," Levi interrupted. "But titans invaded Wall Rose."

No . . . Eren's mounting horror reached its max. "What?"

"Yup," Levi said. "Whole fuck of them coming in, tearing up towns, eating people. Thankfully another new recruit conveniently from the 104th also turned out to be a titan shifter, so at least we had that going for us considering you were here in Sina enjoying naptime."

Ymir then. "Were there any other titans? Any weird looking ones? Or intelligent ones?"

Levi raised an eyebrow. "Why do you ask?"

Enough of this. "Was the Beast Titan there?"

Levi's eyes sharpened. "Did you expect it to be?"

The door opened and Erwin and Hange walked in. Well, Erwin walked, Hange bounced.

"Eren!" they cried, jumping on the bed with him, making him bounce too. "You're awake! Finally! What happened? Is that a shifter thing? Of course it is, but why did that -"

"Hange, please," Erwin said, locking eyes with Eren. "We have a lot to talk about. Let's focus."

"Right," they said, begrudgingly, getting back up.

"It's been a while, Eren. How are you feeling?" The commander's eyes were like an eagle's, sharp and predatory.

Eren shifted so he could lean against the headboard. "Like I'm shaking off a fever."

Hange nodded. "You were. Temperatures of 110 degrees, if you can believe it. We were all sure you were going to die."

Eren nodded. "Must be from the power boost."

"Explain," Erwin commanded.

Eren could read between the lines. Guess it was time to come clean. "One thing I didn't tell you about the incident before - when I went to the coordinate was how to make titan shifters. Any one of us in the walls can become a titan - we just need to consume titan spinal fluid to do so, but those are the ones we're used to dealing with. There are only nine intelligent titans out there, though. Only nine people who can shift."

"And you're one of them," Erwin concluded.

"I'm six of them," Eren corrected.

"How is that possible?"

"Shifting . . . strains the body. As soon as you become a shifter your lifeline is shortened to only thirteen years. People will inherit the power after you die, but only by consuming your spinal fluid. So, by . . . eating each other." Eren finished weakly.

Erwin looked at him hard. "Explain how you acquired all the powers you currently have."

Eren sighed. "My father came from outside the walls with two titan powers already. I don't know where he got them, but he came here for the Founding Titan."

"The special one," Hange cupped their chin.

"Yeah. I'm not sure how he did it, but he was able to steal that one away from the royal family and -"

"The royal family?" Erwin interrupted.

"Yeah." God, this was going to take forever. "The Reiss family is the real royal family, and they've been passing down the Founding Titan ever since it was created."

"The . . . Reiss family? But what about -"

Eren cut Hange off. "He's a fake. A decoy to protect the real royals, but yeah, everyone wants the Founding Titan. That's why the Colossal, Armoured, Female, and Jaw Titan came here in the first place. To steal it and bring it to their home."

"What the hell's so special about the Founding Titan exactly," Levi drawled.

"The Founding Titan can control all the other titans." We can leave the memory thing out for now. Eren might need it later. Especially since all the higher ups seemed to be reeling from that little tidbit already.

"You," Levi spoke low and slowly, "had the ability to control titans, and you haven't used it?"

Oh, shit. Eren held up his hands in surrender. "I can't use it fully. I'm not of royal blood."

"But . . ." Hange's eyes were wide. "Humanity has had the power to stop the titans all this time . . . and did nothing?"

Oh, how far was he going to explain this. Maybe he should hold off on Marley. Ehhh . . . "I guess so. Maybe there's something we're missing. I don't understand why they wouldn't do anything if they could."

Eren Jaeger was a bad person. "Can you tell me where we are now?"

"Hiding." Erwin snapped, mind elsewhere. "The government has accused the Survey Corps. of treason when we refused to hand over you and the other titan shifter. We are moving you later on today. We're trying to get you two out of the inner walls."

"Ah," Eren said. Shit. Okay. Maybe he could work with this. "Just so you know, you might want to add another person to this exodus."

"Who?" Hange asked.

"Krista Lenz. Oh," Eren tilted his head, "is she going by Historia Reiss now?"

. . .

Eren dreamt of fire and blood. He saw screaming children being crushed under titan feet. He saw mothers carrying their children overhead, passing them through a crowd to get farther away from him. Eren crawled forward, silent in the screams -

He sat up with a jerk, sand slipping through his shaking fingers. He was alone, a tower of light shining down on him, reaching out and in and grabbing and choking -

Eren crashed back into consciousness, choking on his own tongue as he gasped and twisted. His wrists were wrapped in padding, protecting him from the metal, and they refused to move from where they were pinned far enough away from his head that he couldn't bite them. Disoriented, Eren had to take a second to understand what the hell happened. He was sitting against a wall, legs stretched out in front of him, wearing steel cuff bracelets. He was in a dilapidated building, a broken window showing the starry sky. He could hear people, though. A lot of them, and nearby too.

"He'lo?" He cleared his throat. "Hello? Is anyone there?"

"Oh! You're awake?"

A shadow he hadn't noticed before moved and grew as it approached him. Eren drew his legs closer to his body, tensing and ready to kick at a moment's notice.

"Sorry, it's gotten so dark. I swear, it's like 6:30." There was the sound of a spark being lit, and a lanturn bloomed out of the shadows. Eren didn't recognize this woman. Her hair was short and blonde, and she had the darkest eyes he'd ever seen. The fire couldn't bring light to them even if it burned fifty times stronger. When she stood she seemed to keep going.

"I'm glad I'm getting this chance to talk to you, but I gotta say, I didn't quite believe the others when they mentioned your little transformation." She kneeled in front of his, and Eren wished she'd look at something else. He felt like an insect under her gaze. "You look so different . . . nothing at all like your brother."

"What the fuck do you want with me?" Eren growled. "Who are you?"

"Oh!" She laughed. "Sorry, sorry, you're right. We've technically never met before. My name is Yelena, and I'm your friend, Eren." She reached out for his face, and Eren bared his teeth and kicked at her. She moved back before any damage could be hit, though. She had the gall to laugh. "Goodness! I've heard all the stories, but I've never seen you act like this. It's cute!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Eren screamed, trying to kick her again.

Yelena laughed harder, touching the side of her face in delight. "I wonder if Zeke acted like you when he was fifteen. Oh, well. So, Eren, tell me, how much do you know?"

Eren froze.

"Do you know where titans come from? Do you know about Marley? Do you remember the plan? Do you know what you are?"

The rapid fire questions tapped on every heightened nerve he had, and Eren could only shake his head. "You kidnapped me to . . . fill me in?"

She nodded, sitting cross legged next to him. "I was sure the others would tell you some, but I don't exactly know how much. Or how much you yourself forgot. The truth is," her smile fell away, "you promised us something, Eren."

"Us?"

She didn't blink. "Let's just start from the basics, okay? Do you know what Marley is?"

"I -" Eren stuttered, "I've been there before? It's outside the walls, they think we're . . . evil or something?"

"Okay, good. We'll start with ancient history." Yelena took a breath. "Once upon a time, though this supposedly happened, a young girl named Ymir made a deal with the devil, or so they say. She gained the power to turn into the very first titan."

That's not right.

Eren blinked. He had no idea where that had come from.

"She helped her tribe, the Eldians, conquer the entire world. They apparently weren't that nice, and everyone else was reduced to slaves. Somehow, Ymir was able to grant titan shifting abilities to eight others, and then vanished from the face of the earth. Time goes by, centuries of oppression, and then the people of Marley took their stand. They were able to get hold of seven of the nine titan abilities and use those powers to free everyone. Now here is where history does a bit of a one eighty. See, now that the Marleyans were on top, they wanted revenge on the Eldians. The Eldian king fought them for a time, but something made him change his mind. He ran away, taking only some of his people with him, to a far off island. He used his titan abilities to create three great walls and meddled with the memories of his people. They forgot about Marley, Eldia, history, and the world outside. They were told they were the last of humanity, doomed to try and survive the titan threat that loomed outside its borders."

Eren tried to interrupt, mind reeling, but Yelena didn't give him a chance.

"Those unlucky fools who got left behind found themselves lower than dirt in Marley. Any show of resistance, any pride, and the secret service would knab your ass and cart you all the way to this island, Paradis. They'd shoot you up with titan spinal fluid because only Eldians can become titans and send you on your way. A mindless husk, not even human, to ravage the land around you. And old King Fritz didn't even give a damn. He let us all rot. He placed restrictions on his own titan's power, so no one of royal blood could even use the Founding Titan to stop the carnage." Yelena trailed off, but then her dark eyes once again fixed on Eren. "Thankfully, the Founding Titan doesn't belong to the royal family right now."

"What?" Eren croaked.

"The power of the Founding Titan is to control all the other titans. You don't have access to its full potential because you're not part of the Reiss family, but as long as you touch a titan with royal blood, you can end this." Yelena smiled. "Once again, thankfully we know just the guy. Zeke Jaeger."

My new brother is royalty? Wait - "Wait a second!" Eren shook his head. "Slow down! That - I don't understand -"

Yelena jumped forward, both hands gripping Eren's face, and she stared deep into his eyes. "You can save us, Eren! You can end centuries of pain and death! You promised you'd help, so are you going to back out now?!"

Eren was shaking, her eyes felt like oil, like he was going to die - suffocated. "I -"

"We had a plan. You agreed to it. You've already made the first move, the first attack on Marleyan soil in centuries. You slaughtered the enemy. Remember that?"

Jean's voice - civilians, children! - and Eren had been working so hard not to think about it. He didn't want to be someone who could disregard the lives of any people. Don't they deserve to live too? Weren't they born into this world just like him?

"Zeke has a plan," Yelena whispered. "He's going to euthanize the Eldian race. No one will ever have to be born under the heel of anyone else. Titans, gone. Eldia, gone. That'll be the end of it. That will free us of -"

"What?" Eren interrupted. The idiocy actually snapped him out of his spiral. "What the fuck did you just say?"

Yelena sat back, caught off guard. "Eren -"

"No, you're saying," Eren processed, "that it would've been better if we'd never been born? That's how we're going to fix this? Are you stupid?"

She seemed shocked by his response.

"No fucking way," Eren shook his head. "You talk about everything Marley has stolen from us but you're going to take more?" Eren grit his teeth. "I was born into this world. I deserve everything it has to offer, and so does everyone else. Our freedom is our own; you don't get to take any of it. There's no way I'd ever agree to a half-assed plan like that. Roll over and die? I don't think so. If I ever sided with you, but sure that I didn't plan on following through. And you can take that right to Zeke -"

A scream echoed through the warehouse, the city, the walls, the island.

It bounced through Eren's skull, rattling around in his brain, and it sound so familiar -

Other screams joined. Cries of agony, sounds of despair that deepened and opened up towards the sky growing bigger and bigger. Louder, and Eren could never forget that sound.

"Titans?" he whispered, and outside the window, in the darkness of a new moon, he saw the rising shadows.

Yelena didn't seem surprised. She stood calmly, looking down at Eren with a mix of fondness and pity. "I believe you, Eren, but you're wrong. Zeke is already on his way."

Notes:

Oh, I guess I could be proofreading.

*awkward laughter*

Chapter 10: Finishing the Appetizers

Notes:

Okay, here you go. Who ordered the trauma? Okay, and the angst? Here ya go. And last but not least, the house specialty, the emotional whiplash?

Wonderful! Enjoy your meal!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Krista was going by Historia now, and with the small collection of bombshells Eren dropped, she was now huddled in the same covered wagon as him and the comatose Ymir as they discreetly tried to move them away from Sina.

Eren's reception by the rest of the 104th was filled with tears and hugs and also distrust and distance. He supposed that was the natural result of eating three of their friends even if they were traitors. Thinking about it made Eren's head hurt. Well, his head and everything else.

He had to be helped into the wagon, his body protesting every small movement. His eyes felt so heavy, and it seemed like his fever was fighting to come back. Could he actually handle consuming the other three titan abilities before he died? It was so hard to stay awake, and Eren got the feeling something special was about to roll up on ODM, flashing guns, and kidnapping people.

Not that Historia knew anything about that. She was too focused on looking at Eren, her lap being used as Ymir's pillow. "You don't look so good."

He looked back at her with half lidded eyes. "Have I aged again?"

"No, not that. I meant you look sick." She tilted her head, her blue eyes hard. "Why did you transform back then?"

"Because we were all going to die."

"But why did you kill them. You could have subdued them, taken them hostage, gotten information from them. This is Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt we're talking about. They're our friends, and you killed them." She didn't say that with any fire. It was a cold, harsh truth, and Eren was reminded of something. Historia is the worst girl in the world. She didn't care about a lot of things. But this Historia still had Ymir.

And Eren was a direct threat to her.

"There's a war going on, Historia," he said, as plainly and as honestly as he could. "There are sides. They weren't on mine. That's not exactly a bad thing, but it means they had to face me in a fight. They lost."

"You -" Historia's face twisted up, her hands shaking. "The first time you transformed you went on a mindless rampage and didn't remember any of it. The second time, you take out three of the best cadets as titans? Back to back? Eren, what happened to you. You're lying about something."

Marley had a stereotype about blondes being stupid. Paradis didn't, and Armin and Historia are probably why.

"Even if you really believed that, you could've just stabbed them or crushed them. You ate them, Eren. You cannibalized our comrades -"

"To get their abilities," Eren interrupted, "I had too. That's how you become a titan shifter."

Historia's fingers twitched through Ymir's hair. "What the fuck did you just say?"

How hard was she going to fight him on this? Historia would try to kill him on the spot for killing Ymir and considering she would eventually be queen and Eren doesn't have the luxury of clocking out right now, that can't happen. Bonding by trauma it is. That's okay. He's too tired to actually fight this anyway.

And right on queue, guns started firing outside. The sound of ODM usage, and someone ripped off the wagon's cover, exposing them to the air. Historia stood up in a flash. Eren's legs wouldn't hold him even if he tried. His eyes were heavy, a dull ache echoing deep inside his skull. His stomach turned as the wagon jerked, their driver shot and body pushed off into the road.

"Wait! Stop -" Historia's voice cut off, and Eren had to work to look at her. There was a small tranquilizer dart blooming out of her neck like a flower, and she went down, boneless. Eren felt a small sting and knew he'd been hit too. That's fine. He could do this. He could do it this time -

Sand slipped through his fingers. Ymir Fritz was staring at him, her eyes dull. Her hope lost. "Eren . . ."

"I'm not done," he said. His lips were so hard to move. He started to slur through his words. "'m nowh're near don' . . ."

One tear slid down her face, cutting a smooth line through the dirt and grime on her cheeks. "I don't believe you. I can't even see you anymore -"

Eren woke up chained. Again.

This wasn't funny anymore.

He was in the Reiss family's secret underground, crystal cave. A familiar sight by now. The metal gag between his teeth matched those around his wrists, ankles, and knees. His whole body ached as if someone had beat him, tremors shooting up and down his arms. He breathed weakly through the gag and tried to focus on the scene in front of him.

There was Rod Reiss, Historia, and . . . Ymir. Right. He was really out of it, wasn't he?

"Eren!" Historia called up to him, her happy expression forced and fake. "You're awake! It's all going to be okay, I promise! This is my father, he's been an ally all along."

Eren blinked at her slowly before gently shaking his head. He made eye contact with Ymir and raised one eyebrow. The other girl didn't appreciate it. "Does he really have to be gagged like a dog? I don't mind the peace and quiet, but it seems a bit extreme, doesn't it?"

She already has a good idea of what's going on. And she's on the fence about it. She wants Eren to give her the pros and cons. A small, dying part of Eren missed her in the brief moment. Missed Ymir's straightforward rationality. He was envious of her ability to only care about herself and of keeping that list of important people small. Eren didn't have nearly the same vitality.

"I was thinking the same thing, brat," came a voice from over head. Compressed gas from ODM sounded in the air, and Kenny Ackerman landed right behind him. Eren glanced over his shoulder, trying to get a look at him through his hair. He had memories of this man helping him, keeping him safe just like he had memories of Rod Reiss being his brother, his father. And here Kenny was now, looking down at him with barely contained manic. He jerked his head back, undoing the gag and roughly as possible.

"Be gentle! Don't injure him anywhere!" Rod Reiss ordered, but it was too late. Eren made sure the metal cut the side of his mouth as it left. It barely bled, but it was enough to help him out later.

"Pipe down. He's fine, see?" Kenny grabbed Eren by the hair, turning his face towards him. "Hello there, Jaeger."

"Hello again, Kenny." Eren's voice was weak. He looked at Kenny, taking a brief moment to reconcile who's memories he had.

Kenny's smile turned rigid on his face. He stared into Eren's eyes, and something there unnerved him. He let go and stepped back, appraising him in a new light.

"Eren Jaeger," Rod Reiss called to him. "I've wanted to meet you for a long time. I'm sorry about these circumstances, but we can show you -"

"I already know," Eren interrupted. "Let's just save time and have Historia make her choice."

As rigged as choice as it was.

"Choice?" Historia asked, turning to her father, but Reiss was preoccupied.

"You . . . know?" he asked.

Eren nodded. "I know what my father did to you." What I did to you. "I know about your family being royalty, and I know you want the Founding Titan back. But here's a couple things you don't know. I'm not just the Founding Titan."

Reiss' mouth dropped open, and Ymir's dark, knowing eyes turned sharp.

"I have recently consumed the powers of three other titans, adding that to the three I already had," Eren said.

Ymir's cross arms fell limply at her side. "Wait, you already had three . . .?" She stomped forward, craning her neck to look up at him. "Which ones?"

"All of them but the Cart, Beast," he looked back at hers, "and yours of course."

Ymir gaped at him. "How are you still alive?"

Eren choked down a cough. "Good question, but that's your reason to stop this. You're selfish aren't you? This will kill her faster than Marley can."

Ymir took a step back. "What?"

"I can stop them. I'm going to stop them. I will end all of this," Eren swore. "I'm going to protect Paradis."

"The power of the Founder can only be used by someone of royal blood!" Reiss protested, eyes too wide. "You can't wield it like you can other abilities!"

"What?!" Kenny screamed

"Historia can't either," Eren stopped him cold. "Neither could my father, or Frieda, or Uri, or your father. Karl Fritz made sure of that when he created this place."

"What are you talking about?" Historia asked.

Rod Reiss and Ymir were dumbstruck; Eren could feel Kenny shifting behind him.

"W-what?" Reiss asked.

"Why do you think no one ever did anything about the titan problem? Why do you think Frieda and Uri changed their minds on saving everyone as soon as they inherited the power? Karl Fritz forced pacifism on the royal bloodline. They would never be able to fight even if they wanted to. You looked up to this power as God, but I'm here to tell you you worshipped brainwashed slaves."

Rod Reiss' knees hit the ground.

"But you can't use it either way," Kenny remarked, voice low behind him.

"I can with help." Eren glanced back at him, green eyes meeting grey. "If I am touching a titan of royal blood, I can use the coordinate to its full potential. Luckily, there is one on its way." Technically, I have a choice of two.

"Someone else? Who?" Ymir asked.

"The Beast Titan," Eren told her. "Coincidentally his name is Zeke Jaeger."

She looked at him blankly for a second before releasing a huff of shocked laugher. "Relation, I trust."

"Half-brother," Eren confirmed.

"What? Wait, you have a brother? Father, you -" Rod Reiss didn't even look at his daughter.

Kenny's laugh was loud. "Leave him, kid. He's lost this fight as thoroughly and as pathetically as he could have. It's almost impressive." Kenny stepped forward and once again yanked Eren's head back. "This brat just shit all over his world view. It's almost funny."

Ymir laughed too. "It is. Fuck, Eren. You were the worst person who could have gotten this power."

Eren didn't smile. It was all too true, and everyone knew it. These two were just smart enough to know when they've lost.

"It was supposed to be her, though," Reiss said, staring at the floor. "God was supposed to come back . . ."

"Oh, shut up." Ymir snapped. "Your whole human sacrifice ploy failed. Turns out your family has been fucking us over this whole time. It's probably a good thing Grisha Jaeger stole it from you."

"Ymir!" Historia admonished.

"Come on! Wake the fuck up!" Ymir walked over to her and grabbed her shoulders. "Listen. He was going to have you steal the Founder's power back. That means he was going to shoot you up with titan fluid, turn you into a monster, and have you eat Eren while the rest of us watched."

"What?" Historia whispered.

"Not that being a shifter is worth anything in the first place. You die after thirteen years. Probably faster because Eren's packing enough power to be a ticking time bomb right now." Ymir cupped Historia's cheek. "He wants to take the fall so let him. I thought you'd promise me you'd live for yourself."

A tear slipped down Historia's face. Her hand reached up to hold Ymir's. "I could live it for you, too."

Kenny scoffed. "Can you believe this shit?" he spoke into Eren's ear. "They're doing this right now."

"Just watch," Eren told him, channeling a tone he'd never spoken in. "That sealed the deal."

Ymir closed her eyes tight, leaning down to bump her forehead against Historia's. "You stupid bitch," her voice cracked. "That's not what I want."

She pulled back and slammed her head into Historia's, knocking the smaller girl out cold.

"Holy -" Kenny laughed, letting Eren go.

Rod Reiss barely moved

Ymir cradled Historia's body to her, tucking her head under her chin as she growled. "That's not what I want."

Eren looked down at the pair hollowly. "You've decided, then."

Ymir laid Historia down, running her hand through her blonde hair one last time, and stood back up to face him. Tears that she didn't want to acknowledge were pooling on her bottom eyelids. "These people are so stupid. They don't even know what's out there."

"I do," Eren said.

"Yeah. Somehow. How the hell are you going to stop Marley, Eren?" Ymir threw her arms out. "How the hell are you going to stop the entire world?!"

"I'm going to fight, and I'm going to win." Eren said plainly. "If you win you live, if you lose you die. You can't win if you don't fight."

Ymir looked at him in disbelief. He was losing her. "You actually think you're going to beat them."

"Yes," Eren told her. "I've seen it happen already. I'm just following through."

Her eyes widened. "But the Founding can't -"

"Not that one," Eren shook his head. "The Attack Titan."

Her mouth formed a little 'o'. She stared at him before shaking her head slowly, a bitter smile on her face. "You sick bastard. You had this planned from the start. Nothing about this worried you. Nothing about this was a surprise. That's how you were able to kill the warriors. You knew exactly who they were."

Eren said nothing.

"Fine, then." Ymir tilted her head up and laughed. "Fine. I'm never going to be the one to swallow my own lies or the lies of anyone else. I was dead as soon as they brought me here, yeah?"

Silence once more.

"I don't mind," she said. "Just follow through, and don't you dare make her pay for it." She crossed her arms and leaned into her hip. "Bon appetit, Eren."

"Kenny," Eren said quietly. "Step back."

The Ripper gave him a look. "Don't you need to be unchained?"

"No one here has the power to hold me prisoner," Eren growled, glaring out of the corner of his eye.

Kenny held his gaze, that same look of reluctant recognition on his face before using the ODM to move. Once he was out of range, Eren opened his mouth wider, letting the little cut at the corner break open even more. When he felt blood start to bubble up, he changed.

No one on that pedestal is ever supposed to transform again, but the chains still snapped just as easily as he expected. Eren grew to his full height, steaming rushing out into the cavern. Through the Female Titan's heightened sense, he could hear screaming further back, the sounds of swords and guns. Looks like the scouts were here. He looked farther and saw Hange take that hit to their side, crashing down as Moblit and Armin rushed to their side. He didn't have very long at all.

Ymir hadn't moved, hadn't even flinched, and she stayed that way even as Eren reached for her. He lowered his hand to the floor, and she stepped into his palm. Being as gentle as he could be as a titan, Eren brought her up and held her to his face.

She looked nervous but not scared. Makes sense. Eren could never think of a time where Ymir was genuinely scared. He inclined his head to her. Ymir closed her eyes.

He moved too fast for her to properly react, and when his teeth bit into her spine, it barely even hurt. Blood flowed down his throat -

Hunger. So hunger and so cold, always like this, it's always -

Chosen, dragged, and named.

"Ymir"

That's me, that's my name, and it's warm and I've not hungry, I'm not hungry,

I have a name -

I have a purpose, to these people I matter, I matter, I'm

"My name is Ymir. The blood of the king runs through me."

Hurt, it hurts, everything hurts, and I can't save them.

This is my lie, this is our lie, this is the lie I told

Syringe in my neck -

I'll never buy another one.

Nothing, nothing, nothing

I'm nothing - who? Hungry? Eat, I'll eat,

I - who? - want to be full again

Missing, missing, missing, something's missing

Eat, - just eat, make it stop, sto p

Tired, nothing, tired, sleep, sleep, sleep forever sleep always

Voices, hear - sounds voices words, hear -

Empty, missing, eat, eat, eat - eat - eat EAT

Up! Up and out and forward and grab - something

Something, see - faces, faces feel - scared, too scared

But empty, always empty, so eat eat and be -

Full.

The sky . . . the stars . . . and silence.

New home, new faces, and new . . . her

Her.

Krista krista krista

Historia historia historia

"That suits you -"

I want -

Sands. Eren knows this place. She's right next to him. His Ymir, and she's looking at him.

"I'm still here," he tells her.

She nods slowly. "But for how long?"

"Until it's finished," he promises. "I'm with you till it's over."

She reaches out, and her hand is so small. "But where are you, Eren -

He blinked and didn't pass out. That's nice. He slowly shook his head, grunting softly as he struggled to regain his focus. He then pushed himself up and out of his titan, gasping for air as soon as he broke free. There wasn't a lot of room in the cavern, and Eren's titan, just kneeling down, brought the nape really close to the ceiling. Eren placed a hand on it to stabilize himself for a second before using his spine like a slide back to the ground. When he walked around the corner, Kenny and Rod Reiss were watching him. Historia was still knocked out, right where Ymir left her.

"Tummy full?" Kenny snarked.

Rod Reiss could only shake in disbelief. The man seemed to be in shock. Eren ignored them both and moved towards Historia, leaning down to press two fingers to her temple.

He heard footsteps coming closer, and Kenny asked. "What are you doing?"

"I'm changing her memory of what just happened," Eren told him. "I need her, and I doubt she'd feel like helping me when she finds out I ate Ymir."

Eren finished just as Kenny sucked in a sharp breath and charged forward. Acting on pure instinct, Eren brought his hand, blocking the knife Kenny was about to stab in his throat. The man stood there, breathing heavily as Eren stared at him.

Eren glanced down at the knife sticking out of his palm. "This feels familiar."

"It's true then," Kenny whispered. "He lives on in your memories . . ."

Eren didn't look at him. "They all do."

"Then what you said -" Kenny shoved the knife in deeper. "What you said before - what the first king did - he wasn't really like that? She wasn't either? His niece?" Kenny got louder. "It wasn't real?!"

"It was real," Eren whispered. "But who knows if it was them."

Kenny stepped back, arms limp at his side. He tilted his head back, staring up at the ceiling. "It wasn't real . . . then what the fuck is it good for . . ."

"You don't want it anymore?" Eren asked.

"How did - whatever, I don't even care." Kenny shook his head. "It doesn't fucking matter."

An explosion sounded from the other side of the cavern, the gunshots and screaming getting closer.

"Fucking now what?" Kenny growled.

"You're about to have a family reunion," Eren said, closing his eyes to fight off a growing headache.

"Oh, Levi's here, huh?" A smile slowly came back on Kenny's face, but it was shaky. Like he wanted to distract himself.

"Not just him."

That got his attention. "There's another Ackerman?"

"Yeah, her name's Mikasa. She's from the Shiganshina area," Eren looked over at him with a weak smile.

Kenny's eyebrows disappeared underneath the brim of his hat. "Huh. Small world."

Not really. I made sure to save her.

"Stop!" Rod Reiss screamed, interrupting them. "Stop it! This isn't how this is supposed to go! This isn't - God should be here!"

"Kind of is," Kenny nodded towards Eren.

Reiss' face started to turn purple. "No - no, that's not it! I'll set this right! I'll do it!"

Kenny wasn't fast enough to stop the man from injecting himself. Eren hadn't even tried.

Rod Reiss' titan is still one of the worst, and the cave in came soon after.

"Shit!" Kenny screamed, readying his gear.

"Don't worry, I can fix it," Eren told him, just now standing up from Historia's side. "Just have to wait for the others."

Kenny looked at him, "The others -?"

"Eren!" There was Mikasa.

"There they are," Eren said, biting his hand. "Okay, stay close."

. . .

Someone else burst into the room, and Eren thought for the briefest of moments he was going to be rescued.

"Yelena," Floch said, "it's started."

"Yes, thank you, I can see that."

They all could. Titans were not exactly known for stealth. Or, fuck, maybe they are they. Eren obviously doesn't have a clue to what's going on.

"Where's Zeke now?" Yelena asked.

Floch tentatively walked over to the window and glanced out. He pointed, "you can see him right there."

Yelena dashed forward, brazenly pressing her face to the glass. Eren could see her smile reflected back at him. "He got her fast. I was worried because they put Captain Levi on him."

"I'm surprised he made it here, too," Floch said. "I wonder if he killed the captain."

"Shut up!" Eren hissed, turning both of their attention back onto him. "Shut your fucking mouth, you traitor!"

Floch gave him a flat stare. "I never did like you at this age."

"You missing nineteen year old Eren?" Yelena asked, conversationally.

Floch scoffed. "Of course I do."

She nodded. "Yeah. Me too."

"- don't believe you -"

"Shut the fuck up!" Eren screamed, thrashing in the cuffs. "I'm done listening to this! You're fucking insane! Pathetic! Trashed wrapped up in flesh pretending to be a human!"

Yelena whistled.

Floch face palmed. "Just like in the academy."

The more they wrote him off the more Eren got fired up. He struggled more, kicking his legs out and screaming as loud as he could. Even if a titan ended up coming, it'd be fine. They might eat them and hurt Eren which meant he'd be able to shift.

That's actually not a bad idea at all.

Eren screamed louder.

"Okay, is that really necessary?" Yelena asked, hand on her hip.

Eren took a deeper breath and screamed again.

Floch scowled. "Seriously, shut the fuck up -"

Eren kept screaming.

"Where are -"

Floch let out his own yell of frustration and stalked towards Eren, drawing a leg back and kicking him right in the gut. Eren had to stop, struggling to breathe for a second. He wheezed for breath, spit pooling in his mouth.

"Wow," Yelena remarked. "Never thought I'd live to see the day you hit Eren."

" This Eren," Floch kicked him again, "used to really piss me off, so."

"Damn. Well, don't break the merchandise." Yelena turned back to the window. "We're going to have to find a way to get him to the wall - oh, no."

Floch kicked again, and this time Eren was able to release a pain filled scream. "What's wrong -"

"Get down!" she screamed, running away from the window just as a titan crashed into it. It busted right into the room, carving out a sizable hole in the whole warehouse, and Eren panicked for a second before seeing steam already rising from its body. It was dead.

Dust was scattered into the air, and he coughed a bit, his torso aching. Through the steam, he could see a figure walking up the spine of the titan, casually entering the room.

He smiled.

This was the first time he'd seen this Mikasa happy to see him.

Notes:

Sorry baby eren's part is so short.

Chapter 11: Our Last Conversation

Notes:

Now I say sorry for how short 19 year old eren's part is.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Eren made sure to pick up everyone he cared about - got Historia, Levi, Mikasa, Jean, Connie, Sasha, and Kenny - and cradled them in his arms before covering them with his Titan body. There was resistance, of course. He had four blades stabbed into his arms right now courtesy of two of the Ackermans. (Go ahead and take a guess who)

He used the Warhammer ability to keep the ceiling up as Rod Reiss dragged himself up and out and towards the wall. Once he safely created his web of solid titan flesh - Eren loved his life, there's nothing about it he doesn't like, he's so happy all the time - he crawled out of the titan and collapsed on the floor.

It wasn't long before someone grabbed him and held a knife to his throat. Ah, that's Kenny.

"'low, Levi," he said, dragging Eren back a little bit. "Take it easy."

Mikasa's voice was like gravel. "Let him go!"

Levi said nothing but also moved forward with her.

"That her?" Kenny asked, and Eren sighed.

"Yes, that's her, now let go of me. I'm tired of being grabbed and dragged places."

"Fair, but I don't plan on dying today -"

"Then fucking stay close, now get off me," Eren shoved Kenny's face away, and the man dropped him.

Mikasa charged forward and held Eren's limp body to her, pulling him back even as Kenny came along. Levi threw a knife at Kenny's neck; Eren took it with the Warhammer Titan. Fuck, that thing was so useful.

"If one more Ackerman throws a knife that I end up taking, I'm going to have a problem," Eren drawled.

Levi turned on Eren with a hot fury. "What the hell, Jaeger, do you even know who -"

"He's your uncle, he's Mikasa's . . . something, and he's a murder. Now we're all caught up, and right now he's probably just going to tag alone because I have something he's interested in," Eren turned to Mikasa. "Do you have any water?"

Kenny started to laugh again. "I'm definitely not bored if that's what you mean."

"The fuck did you just say?" Levi snarled. "Uncle?'

Historia's scream cut them off. They turned towards where she lay in Sasha's arms, just now waking up. Tears were falling down her pale face, but the anger that burned in those blue eyes stayed the same. "He killed her. She's gone - she's gone!"

"Ymir?" Connie asked weakly.

Historia covered her face with her hands, grinding her teeth.

"Rod Reiss killed her . . ." Eren said, looking down. "Didn't even eat her. His titan form crushed her to pieces, and then her body disappeared in titan steam . . ."

Kenny was eyeing him again. "Nope, not bored a bit."

"Shut the fuck up and get out," Levi growled. He looked up at the giant hole in the cave. "We've got a monster headed right for the wall. We better move."

"Has Commander Erwin already finished the coup?" Eren asked.

Everyone looked at him in shock. Oh, right.

"Reiss was chatty . . ." he finished weakly.

Levi stared at him for s minute. "You're on thin fucking ice, Jaeger."

. . .

Floch leveled his gun at Mikasa, but that wasn't exactly the best plan. Mikasa barely even blinked as she dashed forward and clocked him in the temple. Floch went down, but he was still moving. Yelena used his as a distraction and ran out the door. Apparently her job here was done. Floch tried to call for reinforcements, but Mikasa landed a kick to his face Captain Levi would have been proud of.

The traitor stayed down after that, and Mikasa raced to his side. Her hands hovered over his face before moving to grab at the cuffs around his wrists. "Are you hurt?"

Eren leaned forward, the cuff around his neck pressing gently against the skin even as he strained. "She said that I agreed to come here - I didn't, or I didn't. I know what they want, what Zeke's planning. He wants to - Mikasa, move!"

Eren drew up his knees and kicked her as hard and as far away as he could. A titan shot forward, mouth open wide as it charged at them. Mikasa clipped it's shoulder as she was pushed back, rolling hard on her side. Eren couldn't do anything as it's teeth ripped into his arm, pulling him forward into its mouth. The thought he heard Mikasa scream, but Eren's head was swimming. His left arm was gone all the way to the elbow and parts of the wall were still attached to him by the cuffs. The world went dark as it's mouth closed, and Eren's breath caught.

Not again.

It was hot, the breath wretched against his skin. He tried to move but slid on the soft tongue, the spit soaking into his clothes. The ride was rough, but it didn't swallow. It actually felt like it was running away on all fours. The throat didn't come any closer. He tried to transform, but nothing happened. Eren brought his smoking, bloody elbow to his mouth and bit down with a scream, but still nothing happened.

"Come on!" he muttered, biting again, deeper. "Come on!"

It was just like with Annie. He was too mixed up. Tears burned at the corner of his eyes, blood staining his teeth. "Please!"

He yanked as hard as he could against the metal still holding him, but it refused to move. He screamed, frustrated, scared. He couldn't breath. The titan shifted, like it was climbing somewhere, and this was too much like with Annie.

Why didn't he ever get a say in what happens to him? Why was he always taken somewhere or held somewhere else?

Eren was hyperventilating as he turned around, kicking at the teeth locking him in. His scream tore through his raw throat, blood and spit flying. "Let me out! Stop!"

He bit his stump again, tears blurring his vision. He couldn't hold in his whimpers as he still tried to stomp his way out.

Eventually, the titan slowed, and spat him out. Eren rolled forward, trying to find footing with the only free arm he had, but that just meant he smeared his blood over the top of a building. His restraints yanked at his throat, choking him as he struggled.

Rough hands held his shoulders, making him sit up straight. Eren tried to blink through the saliva and blood that covered his face, his own tears gagging him. He heard someone say his name, felt a hand brush his hair back.

"Get this off him," a voice ordered, slipping large fingers inside Eren's collar.

"Is that a good idea?" a deep voice responded, large and imposing.

Was that fucking titan talking?

"Get it off him, Pieck."

There was a soft rumble, and Eren felt a sharp yank against the wall still pinned to his back. He choked, the metal digging right into his windpipe, but eventually the wall gave. The cuffs fell into his lap. He would have a ring of bruises around his neck, still collared like a dog one way or another. His chest heaved for breath. Eren was used to feeling powerless, but feeling helpless was something new.

"There, that's better, right, Eren?" Someone was holding him as he knelt. Someone had a hand on the back of his neck, the other on his shoulder.

"You got the - holy shit!" a new voice chimed in. "I honestly didn't believe it, but shit, look at him!"

"Our intel was right," that large voice replied.

"Eren?" someone spoke right against his face. Their breath smelled like coffee.

Eren opened his eyes. He hadn't even known he'd closed them. The sight before him offered him a mix of fear and comfort. "Reiner . . . ?"

He looked so old. So did the others, but Reiner looked worn. The dark circles under his eyes stood out in stark contrast to his pale face. Eren blinked owlishly at him, feeling the older man's hands tremble against his skin.

"It's really you, how -" Reiner looked him up and down. "How did you do this?"

Eren looked at him, took him in.

And it broke him.

His expression remained unchanged as he lifted his good hand and threw as hard a punch as he could. Reiner's head snapped back, and the titan and other man screamed and moved forward.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Eren whispered, hitting him again. Reiner took it, steam already wafting out of his newly broken nose. More proof. Eren wished he didn't cry so much. "Who the hell are you?!"

"Eren -" Reiner said weakly, catching Eren's bad arm as he tried to swing it. "Stop."

Eren shook his head so hard tears and blood flew. "Why? Why the hell - what the fuck did we ever do to you?!"

Eren reached out and grabbed hold of Reiner's collar, fisting it until his hands stopped shaking. He looked into his eyes, searching, trying to rationalize. "I slept a bunk away from you for five years. You taught me how to fight - how to even used the maneuver gear. I- I told you about my mom -" his voice broke. "Mikasa, Armin, and I told you what happened that day. You and Bertholdt looked me in the eye and agreed. You said you were sorry!"

Eren couldn't bear to face him anymore and buried his face into Reiner's chest. His next words were mere whispers, the fire slowly burning out of him. "You two even fed us that horror story . . . of the titan looking in your house somewhere in Wall Maria, and I thought . . . I thought that was horrible. I wanted to fight because those things happened to us, I wanted to fight because I never wanted that to happen again. But it was for you," Eren sucked in a breath, the tears choking him. "I wanted to fight for you . . ."

"Eren . . ." Reiner was crying too, but it seemed the only word he could give was a tortured version of his name.

"Why?" Eren asked. "Why would you fucking do this to us? Why . . ."

Eren shoved himself away, breaking free of Reiner's limp arms. He crawled away, not even caring that it pushed him closer to the quadruped titan. He couldn't stand being touched a second longer. "Was it fucking worth it? A punishment for crimes we didn't commit?"

"Fuck you," hissed the stranger, finally working himself into a fit. He stalked towards Eren, his gelled back hair starting to fall. "Eldians deserve -"

"I don't want to fucking hear that word!" Eren screamed.

"Porco -" the titan said, but the blonde man pressed on.

"No! I don't wanna hear the watered down history lesson these island devils teach -"

"No one here even told me," Eren growled, all too happy to turn his attention to someone he didn't give a damn about. "One of yours did."

That took the wind out of his sails.

The titan shifted behind him. "Falco?"

"No. Gabi." Eren turned back to Reiner. "Cousin, right? I didn't see the resemblance." He still didn't.

Reiner knelt on the ground looking like a puppet whose strings had been cut. "She told you - ?"

"That the whole reason my mother was crushed by the flying boulder that Bertholdt kicked onto my house was because over a thousand years ago our ancestors were mean." Eren shook his head slowly. "You fight for nothing but the stupid need to repent for things you've never done. I don't need to bear your guilt."

Reiner and Porco's mouth fell open, but the titan behind him didn't even move.

"You're right," it said.

"Pieck!" Porco gasped.

"No, he's right." Pieck repeated.

Eren turned to look at her, staring into her eyes.

"I'm not here for Eldian history. I'm not here for war reparations or righting old wrongs or anything so noble as that," she continued. "I'm here for what you did in Liberio."

There was a beat of silence, and Eren realized he was supposed to recognize that word. "I don't know what that means."

She glared down at him. "You killed my friends, my comrades, innocent men, women, and children."

Eren glares back down at the ground. "So everyone keeps telling me. I wonder why."

The titan shifted again. "You wonder? You wonder why you killed all those people?"

"No," Eren shook his head. He wiped any lingering tears away, anger once again resurging. "I wonder why everyone seems surprised."

Reiner's voice was weak. "What?"

Eren shook his head, laughing bitterly. He could hold up a mirror and still not be able to differentiate between everyone here. "Fine, let me ask you this. When was the first time you killed someone?"

There was a beat of silence, but surprisingly it was Porco who answered. "When we were twelve? When the first surge of the Mid-East Allied Forces happened?"

"Was that a war? You were already a soldier?"

"Yes, so what?" Porco growled.

"I first killed someone when I was nine and it was because I was trying to save a girl who'd been kidnapped by human traffickers." Eren said blankly. "You fought because you were ordered to. I fought because if I didn't, I would die. And now," he turned to Pieck, "you're in that same position. You're on the defensive, like we've been all this time. We turned into each other, isn't that fun?" Eren laughed, his voice too high. "But what does that matter? People we care about are dead, people we trusted have hurt us. People like Armin and Commander Erwin can step back and analyze the hows and whys, but it doesn't do shit. You came to my home and killed my family, and as soon as I had the chance, I did the same thing to you. Nothing changes that, not even time travel."

Eren tilted his head back to look up at the sky. It was a dark blue, dotted with weakly glowing stars. "Who the hell cares how it came to this, anyway. The end is happening now, who the hell has time to hash out the semantics. It doesn't even matter. None of it fucking matters anymore. We're going to fight until one of us dies, and that's how this story ends."

No one said anything, and Eren looked down into the city. From on top of the wall, no titan could reach them, and so he had the perfect view of the carnage. "Did you bring the titans?"

"No," Pieck said. "Zeke did. If people drink his spinal fluid, he can turn them into titans. Even control them somewhat."

"Oh." Eren said, feeling numb. "Are you going to take me to him?"

"No," Reiner answered softly.

Eren sighed. "That's good. He wants to sterilize us using the Founding Titan."

There were some sharp intakes of breath, but Eren didn't even look. "What are you going to do with me?"

"Take you back to Marley," Pieck said. "Probably feed you to a warrior to get the Founding Titan's power."

"Naturally," Eren muttered. "But I'm tired of not having a say in what happens to me."

He transformed.

Notes:

"Look!" I say, pointing at older Eren. "You can pinpoint the exact moment he gives up keeping his own secret!"

Chapter 12: Hard Handed Truths

Notes:

This is so short; I'm so sorry

Chapter Text

The Rod Reiss situation was handled exactly the same way it was the first time. He had played his part. Wide-eyed, eager to please, and even followed Erwin's commands when he gave them, dutifully throwing TNT into the gaping face of Rod Reiss. Just like last time, Eren did as he was told. Perfect behavior befitting a soldier; though Eren hadn't been able to say that for years. Eren mildly wondered, as the broken pieces of titan flesh rained down on the populace, if he could have used the Warhammer Titan to break him apart. He was a little bit in love with that power, not gonna lie.

But, yeah. The Rod Reiss situation was handled exactly the same way it was the first time, but now Kenny Ackerman was there talking shit. Eren's life had devolved into being followed by the last three Ackermans.

He stood between them on top of the wall as he looked down at Historia being held in esteem with tears in her eyes. That means he wasn't facing Armin when he walked up behind him, blade drawn.

Armin had to reach up to grab Eren's shoulder, and his sword hand was shaking from where it was pressed against his throat. His voice cracked when he screamed, "Who the hell are you?"

Mikasa jumped forward, eyes wide. "Armin!"

"No! Stay back!" he pulled them back weakly. Eren was probably doing most of the work by moving.

The yelling got the attention of the others; Jean, Connie, Sasha, and Hange charging towards them. Hange took a step forward, hands up. "Now, hold on -"

"No! Just think about it! Since when does Eren act like this?" Armin screamed. "Since when does he not fight when he's held hostage like this? When would he ever let me do this like I am now?"

"Probably because he doesn't want to kill you," Kenny remarked, tipping his hat. "I don't have the same reservations."

Levi blocked him, and Eren said, "don't."

Kenny sighed but didn't say anything else.

"Don't you see?" Armin hissed. "Eren isn't diplomatic! Eren doesn't devolve tension! He feels more secure when there's a fight! He knows he has power there, so why won't he now?! Our Eren doesn't do this! Our Eren doesn't kill and eat his friends! So this can't be our Eren!"

Every word was a knife in the gut, but Eren handed him the blade. He hadn't exactly been working hard to keep his secret.

Mikasa tried to smile; it was weak, but she still tried. "Come on, Armin, if this isn't Eren then -"

"No, he's right," Jean chimed in. "Ever since he 'aged' he hasn't been acting right." He turned to Hange and Levi. "We've known the guy since the academy. He's not acting right. He hasn't for a while."

Levi snorted, keeping his eyes trained on Kenny. "I could have told you that. This guy doesn't have the same mentality as the brat I met before the trial."

"Maybe that mindset was wrong, and this is just self awareness," Eren drawled. Armin sucked in breath, jerking a bit. The sword nicked him slightly.

"No," Mikasa said firmly, shaking her head. "This is Eren even if -"

"Mikasa, come on!" Connie jumped in. "Eren would just - just eat Annie, Bertholdt, and Reiner?"

"He might," she struggled. "He might if -"

"He wouldn't," Eren interrupted. "He wouldn't have the guts."

That got everyone to shut up. Eren wished Kenny didn't look so fucking smug right now. Armin's voice was paper thin when he spoke. "Who are you?"

Eren didn't react, pushing the sword away from his neck. Armin couldn't exactly stop him. He created some distance between them, standing back at the edge of the wall, looking at the people down there. His hair blew forward, and he wished he had a tie.

"I'm Eren Jaeger," he said, truthfully. "With a few extra memories and a few extra years."

No one said anything, but Eren could just picture their faces. Disbelief, distrust, swords probably being drawn as carefully as possible. He heard the whoosh of ODM. The Levi Squad had joined the party. How weird, to see them here so long after they were supposed to be dead.

"Titan shifting doesn't age you. Reiner, Bertholdt, and Ymir knew that when they heard it. I made it up because it sounds better than saying time travel."

A hand fisted in the neck of his shirt and yanked him around. He made eye contact with Levi, saw the man about to explode with rage. Apparently Eren's idiocy was enough to distract him from his uncle for the moment.

"Did you just fucking claim," Levi said slowly, "to be from the future?"

Maybe eating all the shifters so soon was a bad idea. He could use someone else actually understanding what he was about to say. Guess we're going really slow.

"Why do you think the Armor Titan has armor? Or why the Colossal is so big?" Eren asked. "All of them have something that makes them different. Mine does, too."

"Your titan," Armin repeated, realization dawning on his face.

"Yeah," Eren said. "Mine is the Attack Titan. It allows you to see all of the memories of all of your predecessors and inheritors. It just took a while for it to kick in. Not too long from now, actually. About two months in the future.

"I can send memories back to myself. Every time something happened that didn't abide with what I needed, I could make my younger self change it. Unfortunately, I didn't know I myself could actually go back." Eren glared over at the 104th. "I don't know what happened to the me that was supposed to be here. Your Eren. Hopefully, he's dead."

Mikasa made a strangled noise, her hands coming up to fiddle with her scarf. Eren really wished she'd throw that thing away.

"So you know everything that's going to happen?" Jean squeaked. "Everything that's already happened?"

Eren shrugged. "Just what the people I've become have seen. That's how I know Kenny, but that's through the other titan."

"Other -!" Hange cried.

"Yeah, the one I keep getting kidnapped for. The Founding Titan. That one has a . . . fun connection to everything in the world. I can't use all of it, though. It's meant for the royal family. That's why Rod Reiss was trying to get Historia to eat me." Eren gestured down below. "But the first king made it so those of royal blood can never use the Founding Titan to its full potential ever again. That's why no one has done anything while we're all getting eaten alive."

Levi's fingers twitch near his throat.

"How many other titans are out there?" Connie asked. "I mean - like, the people ones. The ones that can turn back."

"There are nine, but I have most of them." Eren patted his stomach. "The last two are on the island right now near Shiganshina."

"What about the basement?" Hange asked.

"What about it? It's still there. Wait," Eren reached up and took off his key necklace, tossing it to them without care. "You can still go to it if you want."

Everyone stared in bewilderment. Eren could visually see them try to comprehend what is happening.

"But -" Sasha said, looking at the key and then back to Eren. "But - but - what?"

"There's nothing in that basement that I don't already know about. Now," Eren used the key to safely retract himself from Levi's grip, walking around them to the otherside of the wall, headed south. "Now, I'm going to Shiganshina."

That got everyone moving.

"You're going to retake the wall?" Sasha screamed.

"You can't go by yourself!" Armin argued.

"Eren!" Mikasa cried.

"Of course I can do it by myself." Eren looked at them in confusion. "What have I done that's made you doubt that?"

"You can't take on two titan shifters by yourself. It's not smart," Hange said, voice low. "Especially if they've trained more than you."

Eren laughed. "I'm four years older than last you knew me. How do you know about my training? Not to mention I have decades of information in my head to help me out. I know where they're hiding, I know their numbers, I know they're waiting for their comrades - who won't be coming because I killed them - and I know how to get the upper hand by dropping the fact that I'm related to one of them."

There was something so sickeningly satisfying about dropping bombs like this. Eren keeps to many secrets, this is liberating.

"The Beast Titan is my brother, Zeke Jaeger," Eren kept going. The tips of his fingers tingled with the truth. He felt drunk with it. "My father was married to another woman when he lived across the ocean. Life's shit over there, too, by the way, but specifically for people like us. Zeke turned in his parents for rebelling, and that means punishment by being turned into a titan and sent over here. Dad was able to become the Attack Titan, stole the Founding Titan from the Reiss family, and then gave it to me sense a titan shifter only lives for thirteen years. I'm going to end this."

"Wait!" Armin ran a hand through his hair. "Just fucking wait a minute! You -! I - . . . you're going to . . . plug up the wall?"

Eren gave him a soft smile. It felt alien on his face. "We won't need the protection of the walls when I'm done. I promise." He looked out past where he was standing on Wall Sina. With the help of the Female Titan, he looked past Wall Rose, all the way to where Pieck and Zeke were sitting on top of Wall Maria, drinking coffee. The coordinate buzzed inside him, and he saw Zeke twitch and look around before pulling back.

Something caught him on the way.

A small hand around his, holding on as tight as possible.

Eren glanced down at Ymir, watching her with dull green eyes. She gave another squeeze.

"It's settled," she told him. "It's not struggling right now. Maybe it wants to stay with you."

"I didn't give it a choice," Eren told her.

"No," she agreed. There was a beat of silence. "You're coming here."

He knelt down at her side, pulling her into a hug. "I never left. I wouldn't leave you."

Over her shoulder, he could see someone in the distance. Someone small.

"Okay," she whispered.

Eren snapped back into place like a rubber band. The whole conversation lasted barely a second. He nodded, feeling his resolve solidify in his chest, and jumped off the wall. He felt the wind tear through his hair, let it sting his eyes. He soaked up the sensation for as long as he could before biting his hand, letting the transformation overtake him. He let the Colossal titan surge in the strongest, tightening his hold on the transformation's power. He didn't want to accidentally kill everyone he wanted to protect. Everything was small, even sounds. Sometimes they were too faint for him to even understand what they were saying.

He felt hooks in his muscle and turns to see he has some stowaways. Everyone was sitting on his shoulder - there was enough room after all. Everyone was there, but only Levi had blades drawn. Even Kenny was standing there, looking ecstatic. And here he thought he was going to be able to bring the Survey Corps. casualty list to an all time low when retaking Wall Maria. Apparently these idiots were going to hitch a ride, though.

Eren didn't exactly mind.

A small, shivering part of him didn't want to face this alone.

. . .

Eren made sure to punt Pieck as hard as he could off the wall. She went sailing - the metal on her back not really helping her right herself, and she landed in a mass of titans deeper in the city. Eren really hoped he hadn't killed anyone on his side with that.

No time to worry about that; he heard the screams of alarm from Reiner and Porco, and, glancing back, saw them raising their hands to their mouths.

Nope! Eren back handed them off the wall, still human.

It was probably best that Reiner looked so different now. If he had still looked fifteen - liked like the Reiner Eren knew - he probably would've hesitated. Eren released a titan scream, gaining the attention of a lot of people really fast. He saw a little form zooming towards him, her red scarf dancing in the wind, making it easy to recognize her. Eren smiled in the titan, moving down the wall towards him.

"- stay with you -"

That fucking voice again.

"Eren!" Mikasa landed on his shoulder, grabbing hold of his hair for balance. "Are you okay?"

He nodded slowly, careful not to dislodge her.

"We have to get you out of here before - shit!" She moved fast, ducking in front of him. Eren could only blink in confusion before he felt rocks tearing through his back. It wasn't enough to really hurt, but it was still surprising. He cupped Mikasa to his chest, looking back and seeing the Beast Titan winding up his arm again. Eren ducked away, holding Mikasa close, and crowded behind a house as the rocks sailed by him. The destruction they left in his wake was intense, uprooting smaller titans, soldiers, and buildings.

Does he already know I'm not on his side anymore? Eren thought with a panic. Did Yelena already tell him?

Too late to focus on that, Eren heard a siren echo through the air. Looking up, he saw war balloons descending. He was distracted by it and barely heard Mikasa scream a warning. He ducked just in time, a small titan with what looked like a lion's mane sailing right where his head had been. It turned around, chomping its huge jaws at him, and Eren was certain that was Porco. Mikasa backed away from the titan fight, situating herself on a nearby roof, ready to offer support.

The scream echoing in the air chilled his blood, though. He felt it travel up his spine, digging into his head as he turned slowly.

Reiner didn't just look different as a human. The Armored Titan was different too. Eren still saw its old form in his nightmares, saw it tearing through his life like a bull. Reiner turned to him, stalking forward with purpose, caging him in against Porco.

Eren allowed himself a brief moment for his heart to break all over again. He fought off the tears that threatened to fall, steeling his soul for a battle of ideals. A battle of lives. Reiner's titan face betrayed nothing.

"Damn you," Eren snarled, flying forward with a raised fist. "You TRAITOR!"

Chapter 13: Memories, Shared and Ruined

Notes:

I almost want to apologize for what I'm about to do to you.

But I won't.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

When walking at the height of 60 meters, it didn't take that long to get to Wall Maria at all. On top of that, the pure titans didn't even bother with him although he didn't know if that was somehow his intervention or Ymir's. No one on his shoulders really spoke to him although they did talk a lot among themselves. Maybe they were surprised that he allowed them to come. Don't know why, they aren't going to interfere with his plans or anything.

It was much easier to find the Cart Titan this time around, thanks to the Female's ability. Eren scanned everything as he walked. He saw her near the edge of the last forest, tucked in gently by the base of the wall. She didn't move, thinking she was hidden or because Eren looked a little like Bertholdt right now. Well, with Paradis soldiers hidden in his hair.

He even waved at her, just to see what would happen. That was apparently enough for her to think he was friendly or whatever sense she started bounding toward them, all her artillery and supplies on her back.

His comrades start making noise, and Eren releases a low moan to placate them.

"Bertholdt?" Pieck asked once she got close enough. "Is that you?"

Eren didn't waste any time at all. He released steam in his legs, burning them away to nothing as he crashed down onto his knees. The steam burned Pieck, clouded her eyes, and she couldn't do a single thing when Eren reached down and picked her up around her middle.

He might have heard her scream, but it didn't matter. He brought her face up to his and bit her head clean off. Blood rained down on the soldiers, but Eren stuffed as much as he could in his mouth so -

Home, being at home is hard because this home is hard.

It's all so hard, but that's okay because I have -

I don't have her. She's gone. My mother's gone, but I have you, right?

I - no I have to have you.

You can't leave me, too, Dad. Get better, please, please, soon you'll get better, okay? It's hard but it'll get better -

"I'll make it better."

Warriors, training, fighting, hurting, killing. It'll get better soon.

Eating, changing, it's going to be better. You're already getting better!

Dad?

I'll make it better with the time I have left. I'll make this -

Gone, missions, walking on one - two - three - fours

going and fighting and - dying

It'll get better, though, right Zeke?

Right? We're going home soon, anyway, it'll all happen

Soon

Bertholdt?

Oh, thank god,

See, it's already better -

Wait, no, that's -

"Eren Jaeger?"

Sand, and light, and Eren was so tired. He's always so tired. He was curled up on his side, wishing to be buried away under the grains, and just - stop.

Resting, sleeping, dying, he almost didn't care anymore. He wanted so bad.

Eren doesn't ever do what he wants.

He's face was pressed into the sand, the wind passing more over his legs, his back, his shoulders. Burying him, and this happened before, right? Not to him but to - Historia's Ymir. His is -

Digging him back up.

"You said you'd do it," she said.

"I will." his voice was thick, he was crying his eyes out. His skin was on fire.

"Then get up," she ordered, "and fight."

As soon as he could move them, Eren covered his face with his hands and wheezed out all his air.

"Tell me where you are -"

Pain

Separated from his titan again. Levi Ackerman dragged him out of his own corpse. His hands were ice on his skin, and Eren jerked away, eyes blinded by light and tears. People said his name, people grabbed his arms, legs, clothes. Someone pushed his hair out of his face, and Eren was on fire.

The fire was inside too, crawling around under his skin, inside his organs, pulsing like a heartbeat.

"No!" Eren screamed, clawing at his chest, shoving his palms down. "You're not leaving me."

Who can stop me? You?

Eren didn't know. He felt like he was evaporating, billowing away like the titan steam he could see busting out of his skin, eyes, mouth. He was choking on it. This was dying - dying in a way no one was ever supposed to. He was bleeding through his pores, he could feel his hair falling out. He's never been so full before, swollen like a balloon. He was going to explode. This was him dying.

Are you going to stop me, Eren Jaeger?

He twisted, spasming. Blood bubbled up and out his throat, pouring out of his nose. He wheezed titan steam.

Are you going to destroy all life?

Eren couldn't breathe, but he still screamed:

"Yes!"

. . .

Eren had never been able to beat Reiner in a fight but that had been the same as when he fought Annie, so he was kind of hoping for that same magic to work in his favor.

It didn't.

Eren was getting his ass beat.

He was grateful for Mikasa though. Because of her, he wasn't fighting on two fronts. She was taking Porco apart. Eren was taking armoured fists to the face.

Reiner had tackled him to the ground, swiping at any pure titans that tumbled too close. He pulled Eren into a headlock, pulling his neck back as far as he could do before the tendons snapped. Or maybe he was trying to get the tendons to snap. Eren scrambled to relieve the pressure, pulling and yanking and trying to breathe. He thought he heard someone say his name, but he wasn't sure.

"Just sleep" echoed in his ears, and Eren couldn't help screaming.

He gave up trying to pull Reiner off and resorted to trying to crawl away. He reached out frantically, fingers digging into the cobbled walkways. His vision was going dark, his neck aching. He reached out one more time and grabbed hold of something. He swung his arm back and slammed whatever he had in Reiner's side.

The Armored Titan was flung off of him.

Eren breathed frantically, looking back to see the new path of destruction he had pathed, Reiner's titan lying back against the bottom of the wall. In his hand was a long pole made of what felt like white stone. Eren climbed to his feet holding on to it with both hands, vaguely remembering doing something like that before. It reminded him of something -

A knife tip formed at the top, and the next thing he knew he was holding a titan-made spear. It felt just like the one he used to kill the men who kidnapped Mikasa -

Reiner was already on his feet, rushing forward. Eren didn't hesitate, meeting him. The spear bounced off Reiner's armour but left deep grooves in parts of it.

"Fight."

Eren tightened his grip; there was hope with this. He attacked.

Reiner and Eren would partner together during combat practice, and Reiner had been ahead when they were both still fifteen. Even with this added ability - slowly chipping away parts of Reiner's shield - Eren was on the defensive. He had to keep his distance, stumbling over smaller titans and debris as he avoided a tackle. It didn't take him long to realize Reiner was corralling him back towards the wall, trying to close him in.

He had been turned completely around, and he could see dashes of color as soldiers fought. Mikasa looked like she was seconds away from finishing Porco off, but he was already so far away from them. Rocks would sometimes sail over them from Zeke. Bullets would rain down from Marley's ships. Eren had fought all his life but had never seen a battle like this. Never seen so many soldiers taken down mid flight by nothing but lead and not a titan's hand. He couldn't even be sure who was who, not that he had the time. Eren stabbed forward with the spear, and Reiner took it through his arm, the guards on his forearms finally breaking off. Eren grinned, leaning forward to shove it as far as he could go -

Pain raced up his braced left leg, and all muscle control abandoned him, sending him tumbling forward under his own weight. He fell at Reiner's feet, frantically looking back to see Pieck tear through his other Achilles tendon with her teeth. He wasn't running anywhere. Reiner lifted his foot over his head, and Pieck started running up his leg onto his back - both were coming for his nape.

There was no way he could hold back that scream. It mingled with another, a lower, rougher voice, and time seemed to freeze at the sound. The pure titans around them stilled and twisted towards the three shifters, zeroing in with frozen smiles and fast moving feet.

They swarmed Reiner before he could stomp Eren's skull in. Crawling up his arms and biting everywhere they could. They claymores over Eren's prone form, chasing Pieck back and away. Eren used that moment to move. He took notes from Annie, focusing all his healing on one ankle, so he could properly hobble away. For some reason, the pure titans didn't bother him.

Reiner tried to step towards him, but he was soon crushed under the weight of the titans. Eren could barely see him. He didn't even know if he was dead or not. Eren couldn't care about that right then, not when he was looking up at the Beast Titan, running towards him along the top of the wall, long arms swinging haphazardly.

Soldiers from both Marley and Paradis were after him, but none even got close.

Eren ducked around the corner of a crumbling house, running as far away from the wall as he could. Bullets peppered his skin, shooting steam into the air, but he kept running. He had to take a sharp turn around a corner, and that was the only reason he survived being blown up. Right where he had just been was a crater; some bomb seemed to have missed him by a hair. Eren ran faster, three more shots fired right on his heels. He was limping badly, slowing down faster than he expected. A Marleyan airship was keeping him in sight.

He tripped over a titan - a two meter with a severed leg in its mouth - and collapsed right into one of the few remaining buildings. It crumbled under him, support beams shooting through his outstretched hands. His tendon tore more, undoing all his healing. He turned to look at the airship circling above him, a vulture. God, how the hell was he supposed to -

Something was on him, and then - broken.

Eren was yanked out of his titan - limbs still attached, thankfully. The momentary suspension of cognition Eren experienced after forcibly being removed from his titan form was just enough time for whoever was kidnapping him now to pull him away. He didn't see it, but he heard the bomb hit his titan.

He was pulled up, the wind through his hair and smell of the gas reassurance that this was at least someone from Paradis. He was carried into some other building over the shoulder and was carefully placed on the dusty floor. Eren blinked some steaming titan blood out of his eyes. "Armin?"

"Yeah, you're okay, now," Armin assured him, lying probably as he glanced out a broken window into the chaos outside. Zeke, seeing Eren's titan, screamed once again, this one without any meaning but pure rage. "We need to get you out of here. There's no place for me to transform."

"Transform?" Eren repeated, eyes widening. He remembered first getting here. The titan marks on Armin's face that he pushed into the back of his mind, too scared and too raw to evaluate it closely. "Wait, which -"

"The Colossal," Armin said, tone clipped.

"Oh . . ." Eren said weakly. "Why can't you transform here?"

Armin growled softly. Eren was irritating him. "It's like setting off a bomb. I take out almost sixty meters in diameter with every transformation."

Eren watched him. "Not every time."

"Yes, every time, Eren. Now, be quiet, we need to -"

"No, Bertholdt didn't do that every time," Eren insisted, sitting up straighter. "At Trost he appeared just to destroy the wall. If he was exploding, I'd already be dead."

Armin opened his mouth but paused, struck by a thought. He blinked and scowled at the ground. Eren had never seen Armin so angry before.

"Fucking hell, he distracted me," Armin hissed under his breath. "Okay. Okay, here's the plan. I can carry us out of here - we have no shot if we're just using the gear. You will stay close, and -"

"Armin!" Eren screamed, pointing behind him.

They hadn't moved fast enough.

The Beast Titan was standing right outside, his perfunctory smile wide as he gazed down on them. He bent forward, leaning into the broken building. A man slowly erupted from its nape, the steam and titan marks shrouding his body.

With his glasses reflecting in the sun, Zeke Jaeger looked so much like his father.

He turned to him, desperation clear on his face. "Eren."

He stood up, unsteadily. Eren could barely breathe, looking at him. It was too familiar and too alien at the same time. Armin jumped forward, placing himself between the two brothers.

"Eren, you promised me." Zeke got out of his titan and stepped into the house. "We can do this together, okay? I said I'd save you, and I will. Please -" he held out his hand. "Come here."

"Eren, stay back!" Armin ordered, arm out wide to herd Eren closer.

"Look out there, Eren!" Zeke yelled, pointing to the battle. "Those are your friends dying out there! And it won't stop! It's never going to stop because as soon as the titans are gone, worse monsters appear! Eldia will never be free without your help!"

"Eren!" Armin argued. "Using the Founding Titan's power could result in the end of the world! The walls - all three of them - are made up of colossal titans! It's an army in waiting, but it'll destroy everything! Eren, don't move!"

"Eren, we can change this! We can stop the cycle of death!"

"Eren, don't listen to him! There's another way!"

His head was spinning.

"Eren, you have to listen to me!"

"Stay the fuck away from us! Eren, move!"

"Eren!"

"Eren!"

"Eren?"

"Shut up!" he screamed, hands slamming over his ears. "Just shut up! I - I can't - Stop! I need to think . . ." Eren glared at the two of them, and with the tears of pain filling his eyes, it was hard to tell them apart. "I can't keep doing this! I can't -! I can't just swallow whatever story is convenient to tell me right now!"

He stepped away from both of them.

"I don't know anything, I get that. I don't know who the enemy is. I don't know how it came to this. I don't know why humanity is at each other's throats like fucking animals. I don't know! I don't know! Fuck ," Eren laughed, running a hand through his hair, "I don't even know what day it is, but you can't - you can't fucking do this shit to me. Can you just give me two seconds?! Please! Just - just give me a second . . ." He wished he was the type of person who didn't cry when he got mad. He wished he could get through this without blubbering. He wished he could pull it together so that he didn't need to take a fucking breather right in the middle of a fight.

Both Armin and Zeke fell silent at his words, shocked it seemed. Like they honestly didn't think Eren had a breaking point. He frantically rubbed at his eyes.

"It's March 30th," Zeke spoke slowly, awkwardly.

Armin made a choked noise, and Eren blinked slowly.

A laugh bubbled up out of his mouth from deep in his gut. It seemed to drag a whole host of emotions with it, and Eren laughed harder, hoping to dispel them. He leaned forward, opening his mouth wide as he laughed harder. He laughed until his jaw hurt, his throat was raw, and he was empty.

"I turned sixteen today," he whispered.

Then, memories he had never experienced slammed into his head, knocking him to the ground.

Notes:

It's almost over.

And you're not ready.

Chapter 14: Finding Eren

Notes:

This is where things get wild, kay?

Just trust me, and hold on tight.

This roller coaster's making a drop-

Chapter Text

Eren woke up to the sounds of screams. They were crowded around something burning, there was smoke everywhere. He was lying in someone's lap, but the sun only silhouetted their outline. Eren reached his hand up, but someone next to him caught it.

"Eren? Are you okay? Can you hear me?"

"Ah'min?" Eren slurred, trying to sit up. "Wha' ha"pen?"

"Try not to move so much," a softer voice said, a cool hand pressing against his forehead. "You . . . you're really weak right now."

Weak? Eren thought. What else is new.

He ignored their warnings, getting up and out of Mikasa's lap. The others were nearby, and Eren realized they weren't near a fire. They were hiding behind his decaying titan form, and giant rocks were sailing overhead.

"Oh," Eren realized. "Zeke's throwing a temper tantrum."

The others turned to him at the sound of his voice.

Kenny laughs. "It's alive! Look at that."

Levi glowered at Eren. "This is your fucking mess, Jaeger. Clean it up."

"Aw, Levi," Kenny cooed. "You got your own shitty brat to watch over now."

"What do you mean 'my own'?" Levi scowled. "Are you trying to say you gave a shit about anyone but yourself?"

Kenny's smile was a little too sharp for Eren's liking. He made a big show of standing up, stumbling a second, pressing a hand against his chest. The skin right above his heart felt like it was ten degrees hotter than the rest of his body. If he pressed down hard enough if felt like something was squirming under his skin.

"Huh," Eren whispered. "A second chance or a last one?"

"Eren?" Mikasa asked, right on his heels where she always was.

"What happened?" Eld asked, coming forward. "You were - you were - "

"Dying!" Sasha explained, eyes wide. "Like full on, heart stopping, death, less than fifteen minutes ago."

"Ah," Eren nodded. "I ate too much."

There was a beat of silence where the whistling of the flying rocks overhead was the only noise.

"That," Oluo said, "was a fucking tummy ache?"

"It was the source of all matter fighting the cage that is my body," Eren said casually. "Are we ready to go? I don't know how long my old body's going to hold out before we start taking shrapnel showers."

More silence.

"Why did I fucking tag along again?" Connie muttered.

"Don't ask me," Eren said, biting through his hand. "I sure as hell didn't invite you."

Eren turned into a titan - his fifteen meter high self, sense speed was the most important aspect of a battle against Zeke. He hardened the skin on his back as he turned it towards his rampaging brother, carefully lowering his hand to the ground to make it easier to climb up. Eren still couldn't believe he was bringing them along. Clinging to them like a child.

Weak.

Eren shook his head.

As soon as he had everyone situated, he used his hand to somewhat guard them as he spun around and sprang into a dead sprint towards Wall Maria. He felt the people on his shoulders stumble, releasing hooks into his skin to keep their balance. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Levi to the right of his face, holding on to his hair as he faced the fight. Kenny joined him much to the shorter man's displeasure. Mikasa did the same on his left.

It was almost funny. Since when did he start wearing Ackermans like jewelry?

Zeke was at the base of the wall, right in front of the hole Reiner had made years ago. He was grabbing parts of old buildings, crumbling them in his hands, and throwing them. He didn't have his pure titan sentries. He didn't have the time. They weren't expected this time around.

Eren charged forward, and Zeke threw. He used the Warhammer - damn, is that thing useful - to create cover, the rocks bouncing harmlessly off the titan flesh. He created more shelters farther ahead, running between them in the space of time it takes for Zeke to create his make-shift bullets. He makes it forward without a single casualty.

He could almost smile.

He grunted once they reached the buildings, and Levi seemed to understand.

"Engage gear! Move it!"

Eren felt the weight leave his shoulders, and it was just in time, sense he was winding up his arm and slamming it into Zeke's face. The Beast Titan fell back, hitting the ground hard, and Eren made four spikes erupt from the ground and stab through all four limbs, immobilizing him. Just like that, the fight was over. This man, his brother, who claimed the lives of almost the entire Survey Corps. the last time they met in battle was finished without killing a single person.

It didn't feel real. Everything was going so fast. The sands of Eren's life were almost all at the bottom of his hourglass.

He knelt by Zeke's side before exiting his titan. He walked down his own arm, right onto the Beast Titan's stomach, making his way to the face. Zeke opened his mouth and screamed; the thundering footsteps of a titan horde echoing in the distance. It didn't matter. The war was over the second Eren touched him.

He walked as close to his face as he dared. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see his companions following him closely, ready to swoop in at a moment's notice to rescue him. Eren basked in that loyalty. That camaraderie that was still so strong.

They wouldn't if they knew what you were about to do.

Eren hadn't even been aware he was smiling until it melted off his face. He focused and faced Zeke.

"Who are you?" Zeke growled, voice echoing deep inside the titan.

"I'm who you came all this way to find. I'm Eren Jaeger, nice to meet you, big brother," Eren said blandly, ignoring the surprise that flitted across the titan's face. "I wanna talk to you."

"Then talk," Zeke hissed.

Eren tilted his head. "You don't even want to come out and properly meet me? Your own brother?"

"My father died years go -"

"No, our father turned into the Attack Titan," Eren corrected. "He then came to Paradis and met my mom. I assume you can figure it out from there."

Zeke scowled at him but did eventually exit his titan. Curiosity got the better of him, too, it seems. Zeke was younger now, of course. Still looked too much like their dad for this to be a comfortable situation but also just as malleable, so who was Eren to complain. Zeke packed a bit more punch than Grisha did, though. Eren still needed to be careful.

Once Zeke was fully out, he looked around at the soldiers surrounding them. Eren took a step forward and held out his hand. Zeke didn't move.

Ok . . . welp. Fuck it. "Do you want to be referred to as Prince Zeke while you're here or what?"

The older man started, surprised, jerking forward as if to hit Eren. The soldiers around him shifted; Ackerman bloodlust could be tasted on the air.

"What else do you know?" Zeke asked, guarded.

Eren was losing his patience. "Everything, now, listen. I am standing here as the Founding Titan, so tell me what is stopping you from coming forward and using that power to stop all this?"

Zeke gaped at him. Eren's arm was getting tired.

"What honestly is so important that you won't even try to enter the Paths and find what connects all of us? Tell me, is it really not worth taking my hand?"

Zeke sputtered. "You - you don't even know what I plan to do -"

"You're going to stop our suffering, aren't you?" Eren interrupted. "You're going to save Eldia, right?" Eren opened and closed his hand. "Keep your fucking promise, then."

The titan horde had just broken through the trees, running towards them at full speed.

Let it be his idea. At least give him that. "If you don't decide now, I'll be forced to retreat, and you'll never be able to fulfill the euthanization plan"

That was enough, finally. Zeke jerked forward and took Eren's hand - the doorway to the Paths cracking open - their thoughts, memories, and hopes blurred together for one brief moment - then Eren kicked it closed with a slam.

"Wha -" Zeke began, the brief connection enough to give him a small sense of reality. Eren really was too cruel.

"I didn't want to do this," Eren swore, pulling Zeke in closer. "But I could never budge on any one freedom this world owes me." His voice softened. "Sorry about this, Zeke."

Eren sunk his teeth into Zeke's neck, breaking through skin, muscle, all the way down to the bone, just like he did with Bertholdt. The strength of the Jaw Titan made snapping through his spinal cord easier this time. Zeke Jaeger died in his little brother's arms, his blood hot on his tongue.

I don't want to see, Eren thought before -

Mother and father were never here. They were always at meetings, always talking, yelling, crying, cheering, and I was -

Learning too much.

He was a tool, a secret weapon, a spy for the warriors, about the warriors, but I -

Think they're wrong.

Hard, it's so hard, and I'm so alone, but at least there's

Tom.

Playing ball - I've never done this before - and I miss my

Parents.

They can't do it.

They squabble like children, throwing tantrums and drawing blood.

Like animals.

Hope doesn't belong with animals.

A pointed finger, a crying family, and finally, fresh air.

Tom's here for me. So are Grandma and Grandpa, as stupid as they are.

We're all huddled together like cattle, all chained together like sheep.

Not for long. Never again. I'm going to change this.

If I hadn't been born, I would never have been hurt

If I hadn't been born, this would have never happened.

If we hadn't been born, no one would be suffering.

So . . . why were we?

Tom's dead.

I'm no longer hungry.

Training. Always training and always thinking, and the clock goes

Tick tock tick tock tick tock

Children - warriors - and more fighting.

Why the hell am I fighting?

If I had never been born, I wouldn't be fighting.

Gone, mission. Five years now. Paradis, where my parents died, where I killed them, and where I wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait for that power.

I can change anything with it, with my secret secret secret.

"Pieck, is that Bertholdt?"

She's dead, gone, that thing is so hungry, it's going to kill us all.

Pain, frozen - so fast -?

"Eren Jaeger?" that's not possible -

That's family, but no - no family, Tom's dead, but

"Big Brother"

Dead?

No.

Not alone.

Because there's - there's Eren, and -

Touchgrab- memories-see, thoughts,visions,death, RUMBLE, death - not ending, Erenwhat? Scouts, gone-Mikasa,Armin,Levi, Jean - so many names, but who? -dead, dead, dead, DAD? Gone - ohgod, "youstartedthisstory,didn'tyou?" dead,Reiss-kingqueen, home-fightKILLTHE TITANS-fail, hurt, ohgod, armoured/colossal/smiling - wait, mom? Mom, mom, wait no -STOP! I'llchange it as soonas I-

"Wha -"

You must stop Eren - - -

Ymir sat in the sand, sulking. "You're taking so long. You're not going to last."

"I will," Eren said, blood flowing out of his mouth as he spoke. "I'm just about done. It'll be over in a few minutes."

Ymir glared at him. He couldn't help but smile. The more time he spends with her, the more like a child she acts. He had to ask though, "She's on her way?"

Ymir nodded. "She heard him screaming."

"Good," Eren nodded, wiping his chin. "That's good."

There was a beat of silence, adn Ymir said, "I still can't find you -"

Eren blinked, staring up at the blue sky, his brother's body vaporizing in his arms. He wasn't sick this time. Apparently he is interesting enough to keep around. That's nice.

Eren glanced down at Zeke in his arms, the gaping hole in the man's neck interfering with any hopeful ideal to imagine him sleeping. Eren hugged him close and whispered, "I'm sorry" into his dirty, blonde hair. The last thing Zeke ever felt was Eren's arms and teeth.

He set him down as the scouts joined him.

Mikasa stepped forward, and Eren didn't need to look at her to know she was worried. "Eren -"

"I'm almost done," he said, straightening up. He addressed everyone when he said, "get to the top of the wall. I'll take care of the titans."

"You, bastard," Jean hissed, stomping forward. "We're not helpless, ya know! You don't have to kill them all by yourself!"

"Who said anything about killing them?" Eren said back. "Trust me one last time. I promise it'll be worth it."

Armin jumped forward after a moment, small arms wrapped tight around Eren's neck. Eren flinched for a second, thinking he was about to be choked, but Armin's tear thick voice stopped him from pushing him away. "I don't understand, and I want to so badly. But if you promise to still be Eren, of course I trust you."

He was frozen as another set of arms curled around him. Mikasa's voice was a whisper, her tears silent. "Don't do anything reckless. But, I still won't leave you even if you do."

Sasha's loud wail pierced his eardrum sense her mouth was suddenly right by his head, her tears on his shirt. "You are the single most irritating human being I've ever met! Fuck, though, you're still Eren, right?"

"It's gotta be, you dumbass," Connie sniffed, crowding forward. "Only Eren says stupid shit like that."

"I hate you so much," Jean joined in, his arms shaking. "I've hated you more than I've ever hated anyone in my entire life, and I really shouldn't trust you."

"Damn straight," Hange said, a bitter smile on their face. They stayed put, arms crossed. "But we don't have much of a choice right now, anyway. At least he's the devil we know, eh, Levi?" They elbowed the captain good-naturedly.

"I have not known one fucking day of peace since meeting this piece of shit," Levi muttered. "A lot of good soldiers died when he could have prevented it. Doesn't seem to make him any different from the people lounging around in Sina, making decisions about our lives without our consent." He shook his head. "But if the choice to trust you is the only freedom you're allowing us, I guess I'll have to take it." Steel grey eyes, bore into Eren's. "Lets try and get through this with as little regrets as possible, yes?"

"Yes, sir . . ." Eren breathed.

"We're going to believe in you Eren," Petra said, face pale.

"We're putting our faith in you, so don't fuck it up!" Oluo growled.

Eld stepped forward before stopping himself. He gave a small nod and looked away. Gunter put his arm on his shoulder. "What they said."

Kenny burst out laughing. "Well, fuck, I don't really care either way. I've been having a shit ton of fun all day, so I'll just ask you to keep it up, brat." He grew slightly serious. "Keep that power in check and fucking use it for something."

Eren laughed. It was a real one, a genuine, happy laugh. The first one he's made since his Sasha died. It cut its way up his throat, and he wouldn't have been surprised if he was bleeding now. He felt raw enough. Everything hurt. He knew this wouldn't last; as soon as the walls come down, they'll look back on this moment in horror. But this was exactly the reason why Eren was doing it in the first place. He cared so much about these people, he could choke on it.

"It'll all be over soon," Eren promised, knowing how much they'll regret this later. "I'm going to fix this."

"Might want to hurry up," Hange said, pointing at the titans that were just about to be upon them.

The 104th let go of him, and Eren nodded in understanding. He glanced down at what was left of Zeke's body one last time before biting his hand. He channeled the Jaw Titan, the five meter speed all that was needed for this. He bounded onto the roof of a nearby building, making sure his comrades had vacated the area in favor of the wall. He scanned the titan horde, searching, and found her.

There were so many mixed emotions about Dina; Grisha and Zeke's memories conflicting with his own experience. Her smile was still rigid, her gate still casual. She had no idea where she was or who he was, and it was better that way.

Eren darted forward, bouncing off the heads of other titans, swinging on their outstretched arms, as he made his way towards her.

It's not so bad, Eren realized, arms open to land right in Dina's open hand. Not so bad at all.

He bounded right into the paths, opened the door and stepped through, leaving the world he'd changed behind. Once inside, he saw another person reaching out, and with a tiny smile, Eren brought up his hand and -

. . .

Took hold of his sixteen year old self.

The cacophony of battle - of full war - seemed to fall into the background under the assault of memory Eren underwent. It seemed every nightmare he had had come true, and weirdly enough, after all the confusion he had experienced today, that clarity was comforting. It made racing past Armin into Zeke's waiting arms not hurt so much.

He didn't expect to meet anyone on the other side, though, much less himself.

Nineteen year old Eren didn't look a thing like Grisha or Zeke. He looked almost exactly like Carla, and he found a strange sort of comfort in that as well.

The older Eren gave him a once over. "Oh. You're alive."

The younger one didn't know what to say to that. "Yes, I am."

The older Eren tilted his head to the side. "Interesting." Then he turned and walked farther into the sand.

Eren felt like he should be in awe of his surroundings, maybe stare into the frozen lightning bolt with a bit more excitement, but he felt like he'd seen it all before. Like he'd been looking at this same scene for a long, long time. He picked up the pace to walk side by side with his older self.

"You've killed a lot of people," he said softly.

The older Eren didn't even blink. Didn't even slow down. "Yes."

"You did exactly what they did to Shiganshina."

"Yes."

"Did it fix anything?"

Eren didn't answer him. They both already knew the answer.

The farther in they walked, the more familiar everything looked. They were headed for the light, and eventually, they came across Zeke.

He was sitting on the ground, chains around his throat and wrists. Eren could sympathize, but for some reason, he felt no desire to run to him and help.

His older brother opened his eyes as they got closer, the surprise taking over his formally serene expression. "Eren! Wait, there's . . . two of - ?"

"We're surprised, too," older Eren stated blankly. "But hey, it doesn't really change anything."

Zeke nodded slowly. "No, I guess it doesn't -"

"Well, it changes things for you," younger Eren snapped, crossing his arms. "We're not doing the sterilization thing. That's fucking stupid."

Zeke looked at him like a parent would an ignorant child. "Eren, I know Grisha has lead you to believe -"

"We're not brainwashed, Zeke," older Eren sighed. "We lied to you from the start. Just needed a ticket in here." He turned to look towards the light. "Just needed to talk to her."

Ymir Fritz's silhouette could be seen, a small speck on the horizon.

"I see," Zeke said sadly. "Then I have no other choice."

Chains shot out and wrapped around both Erens, pulling their wrists out and down, keeping them still.

"What the fuck!" younger Eren cried out. "I'm so fucking tired of being grabbed, kidnapped, and restrained!"

Older Eren had the gall to laugh. "Just what do you think you're doing?"

Zeke stood up, shaking off his chains as they turned to grains of sand. "I need to show you -"

"Oh!" Ymir said, kneeling down. "There you are, Eren."

A nine year old boy, fresh blood still staining the hands he had fisted in the red scarf around his neck, slowly blinked his eyes open.

Chapter 15: Kill What You Can't Save

Notes:

Thank you to everyone who stayed with this story. I knowledge that people enjoy what I wrote means the world to me.

And I'm sorry for what I'm about to do to you.

, , ,

"Kill what you can't save. What you can't eat, throw out. What you can't throw out, bury. What you can't bury, give away. What you can't give away, you must carry with you, and it's always heavier than you thought." - Margaret Atwood.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Eren sat up, sand falling off his shoulders as he struggled to wake up. Ymir was kneeling next to him, watching him with her hooded blue eyes.

"Did you do everything you wanted?" she asked.

"Most of it," he said, rubbing at his chest. Right where his heart was was a pulsing mass of heat. It felt like it was trying to burn out of his body. "I got that thing you showed me. All of it."

"I can't believe it didn't kill you," she whispered. "The purpose of you seeing my life wasn't for you to do that."

"It was worth it," Eren assured her. "I tied everything to me now. All it took was waiting for a version of me to use the Attack Titan power and yank on it until he fell backward. Easy peasy. We're still moving forward, right?"

She nodded, helping him up. "The titans have almost completely destroyed Marley. There are some people hiding out, but we're on our way. Your friends are trying to stop the rumbling."

Eren sighed and shook sand out of his hair. "Of course they are. Maybe I can talk -"

"Eren!"

"Speak of the devils," Ymir murmured.

Eren's head whipped around to look at her, incredulous. "Was that a joke? Did you just make a joke?"

"Mn," was the only response.

Eren shook his head in wonder. "How long have we been together exactly?"

"Here?"

"Yeah."

Ymir counted on her hands. "In terms of years, maybe sixty?"

Eren blinked. "How old am I?"

Ymir just shrugged.

"Eren!"

He turned his attention back to the small group of people struggling to run through the sand towards him. They never seemed to get any closer.

"Eren!" Armin screamed. "You have to stop! Stop this, please! We can't -"

The ground shuddered underneath them, and the impact seemed to ripple through the air leaving a buzzing in their ears. Eren walked towards them, Ymir grabbing hold of his scarf and followed close behind. He could see them better now, could see the consequences of his actions affecting them.

They all slowed down trying to get to him, stumbling, pausing. Eren wondered if the memories in their heads were combining or not. They exist in three timelines now, after all. His chest burned hotter.

People were flicking in and out of existence. If you looked hard enough, you could see Commander Erwin with both his arms standing behind Hange and Levi, the latter of which on the ground, kept together by haphazard stitches. Petra, Oluo, Gunter, and Eld would flicker absently next to them too, Kenny a little farther away. Porco was winking in and out next to his own comrades as well. Living in one time; dead in another.

Some people were actually flickering out of existence, too. Reiner, Annie, and Pieck were struggling to remain solid, slipping away but being pulled back just as fast. Even Sasha was fading away slightly. A little farther away, he could see his brother, also twitching, building a sand castle. Eren gave them all a sad smile, coming before them.

"I couldn't save everyone," he told them. "I couldn't go back far enough."

Everyone stared at him blankly as he knelt in the sand. He started grouping together some of the sand, turning to Ymir. "Can you help me?"

She didn't speak, didn't move at first, but she eventually joined him in the sand. The others came closer, slowly this time.

"Eren, what -" Hange asked. "What have you done?"

Eren left Ymir to work on one growing pile while he started another. "I used the Attack Titan power in a way I wasn't supposed to and went back in time. Or, one version of me did."

"But -" Jean stuttered. "But you didn't change anything? We're still right back where we started! The end of the world is happening right now!"

Eren had to guess height as he pushed forward more sand. He was really small right now so it was hard to figure out. "I never intended to stop the rumbling, though."

There were many intakes of breath, lots of surging fear in one moment.

"What?" Mikasa asked, weakly, Armin standing right next to her, the titan marks on his face flickering away and back again.

Eren grouped together more sand. "I said I'd protect you. I said we'd be free. Why would I go back in time to change that?"

Reiner jerked forward but Connie pushed him back. His hand slid right through his chest like it was made of air.

"Then why go back at all?" Reiner asked.

Eren paused, rubbing at his chest. "I needed to sever its connection to you. If I didn't, this would never stop."

"The connection - ?" Sasha asked.

"He means to life," Zeke said, joining them. His face was haunted as he watched his little brother. "Or matter, or whatever it really is. To the thing that turned Ymir Fritz into the first titan."

"Then that's -" Armin cut himself off.

"That's why you kept getting sick," Hange realized. "You were taking the power from all other titan shifters, and it didn't want to be there."

Eren shrugged, the sand pile taking the form of a person. "Life doesn't like being contained, but I'm a stubborn bitch so -" Eren reached down and grabbed a hand through the sand, "I kept it close."

He pulled and Bertholdt was hauled out of the ground, gasping for air.

The Marleyan warriors charged forward, falling to faded knees on the ground by their comrade, reaching out and feeling his solid skin, his steady heartbeat. Eren made room, wandering over to another patch of sand and started to make another pile. Ymir Fritz had finished her's and pulled the orphaned girl named after her back into the world again. Connie, Sasha, Jean, and Mikasa all rushed to Ymir's side, combing her dark hair back, saying her name.

"They were shifters," Eren explained. "We don't really leave this place, so it's not hard to get them back." Eren finished and pulled a young boy up and out of the sand, his eyes wide and confused.

Porco and Reiner choked. "Marcel?"

Eren left them to be reunited and made his way towards the Hange, Levi, and Erwin. He knelt next to the captain, cupping some sand in his small hands and bringing it to the older man's face. Levi was tense but thankfully didn't stop him as Eren smoothed the sand over the stitches, healing them. He did the same with his hand. He turned to Hange, slowly pushing their goggles up and brushing against their missing eye.

He pulled back when everyone was whole again, smacking the dust off his palms with little claps. He smiled again and tried to walk back to his Ymir, but Mikasa caught his wrist.

Her eyes were wide, dark, and rimmed red from crying. The scar on her cheek stood out even darker against her pale skin. She struggled with what to say, and Armin walked up to them, kneeling down to be eye level with Eren. He put his hands on his shoulders.

"Stop this," he whispered. "Stop the rumbling."

Eren shook his head. "No."

Armin's fingers tightened on his. "Please, Eren!"

"We can find peace!" Connie jerked forward. "We can figure something else out! Not everyone has to die!"

Eren's eyebrows furrowed slightly. "Not everyone's going to die. I'm killing the entire world but keeping Paradis safe."

Jean tore his hair out. "Do you even hear what you're saying?!"

"If all the enemies are dead, we'll finally be safe!" Eren yelled back. "It's going to be over soon, so just shut up and wait!"

"I don't fucking see your life on the line here -"

"What?! I've killed for this," Eren screamed. "What makes you think I wouldn't die for it?!"

"They're just like us, Eren," Sasha tried. "They have families, and dreams, and favorite foods, and -"

"I know that, but they're trying to hurt you, Sasha. They did in one timeline!"

That shut her up. Connie and Jean stiffened beside her.

Eren scowled and shook his head. "Honestly, you guys are acting as if this was my first choice. As if I haven't been here for years trying to figure out a way to -" Eren floundered. "To make sure it didn't come to this? I did try - I swear - but there's no happy ending for us if this doesn't happen." Eren took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.

Armin's hands were shaking. "I don't believe that. Eren, we remember. You went back and saved those we lost, guarded those who got hurt, you made sure to bring back as many as you could. I know you. You don't want to be the villain of this story. Please, all you have to do is stop. Let us help you figure something out."

Eren closed his eyes tight. "You're still no listening to me -"

"You've tried so hard to get us to hate you," Mikasa whispered. "It didn't work."

"Another testimony to my mountain of failures," Eren commented, heaving a sigh. He looked back at Armin. "I am the villain. I've taken everything from -"

"No!" Armin's eyes were watering. "You have something you didn't before! There are new opportunities now! You have the source of all life!"

That made Eren stop, mind suddenly whirling. When he glanced down he saw that there was a charred spot on his shirt, right above his heart. He touched it in thought, finding his Ymir's eyes, too afraid to even hope. "Do you think . . .?"

She tilted her head, confused.

"I have the connection to all matter," Eren said, softly. "Does that mean the Founding Titan's powers can affect more than just Eldians now?"

Her eyes widened, completely shocked. Her shoulders twitched slightly, unsure.

Eren tore away from the others and stood before her. "Would you be willing to try?"

Her head twitched. Ymir already had tears growing in her eyes. "But they -"

"I know," Eren was starting to cry, too, just thinking about it. "I know, but they're the same as me." He reached out and took her hand. "They're just like me."

Ymir was shaking so hard her teeth were chattering.

"I told you I'd stay with you until this is done," Eren said. "I didn't lie."

She nodded, jerkily, holding Eren's hand tight. He turned to look at the others. They stood there, confused in the sand, faces hopeless and scared. Eren really did become the one thing he never wanted to be, but he was so happy to see them right now. If he concentrated, he could see the hundreds and thousands of others he was connected to. Could hear their heartbeats, taste their fear.

Mikasa came forward again, collapsing onto her knees before him, Armin hot on her heels. Ymir tucked herself behind Eren, hiding her face. Eren hadn't tried to hide his tears from them in a long time, though.

With trembling hands, she reached out and cupped his face, wiping away as many tears as she could. "Eren . . . .?"

He reached up and undid the scarf around his neck. She was already wearing it, but nothing on this planet could have stopped him from wrapping another around her. Her hands fell in shock, letting him. He grabbed Armin's hand with his available one, tugging him in and down for a hug. Eren kissed them both on the forehead, nuzzling as close as he could for a second. They were too startled and scared to react.

"Goodbye, guys," he whispered into their hair.

Mikasa jerked, hand reaching out for him again. "Eren -"

She never got close; Eren had already forced them to leave the Paths. They all floated up as if gravity had been reversed. All of his friends struggled, because of course they did. They were all fighters. Their tears fell on him like rain, but they still flew up. Eren watched them through his own tears. They were like birds, disappearing into the sky, and Eren sobbed, feet firmly rooted to the ground.

He watched them until they vanished from sight, returned to wherever he had snatched them from. They were alone now, two children, holding onto each other in the sand.

"What timeline are you choosing?" Ymir whispered into his shoulder. "What will you make them think?"

"I'll weave them together so tightly, it won't be about picking one. It'll just be one. One history that happened. They're going to forget about Eldia. All versions of it. They're going to forget Marley, too. As far as the populace is concerned, they have always been one in the same," Eren said, turning towards her.

"But what about titans -?"

"That's what will unite them," Eren told her. "The same way it worked in the walls. When there are horrible monsters outside, who has time to fight properly with other humans."

Ymir pulled back, looking at him. "We're going to be the bad guys."

Eren nodded. "We already are."

"Then what? What happens after?"

"History is going to say that humanity - all of it - banded together to drive out the titan forces forever. There won't be another one ever again."

"You're going to do what nineteen year old Eren wanted," Ymir muttered. "You're going to take the nine abilities and wipe them from existence."

"And the source of it. Eren Jaeger is its host, but if he doesn't exist, it will go with him. The nine won't ever be needed again. If people want to go to war constantly, they'll do it with guns not giants."

Ymir gazed at him. "Will you let them know what happened to you?"

Eren froze, throat closing up. "They won't remember me."

"Eren -"

"It's better that way. You and I can disappear as the ultimate evil the world conquered together." Eren looked at the light. "They don't need to cry over a monster."

"They deserve something. They love you, and when people love you -" she paused. "When someone loves you, you should help them," she finished, weakly.

Eren gave her a hard look. "That king didn't love you, Ymir."

"Not as a person." Ymir looked at the ground, her bangs covering her eyes. "But I wasn't a person back then."

His heart broke a little more somehow. "You've alway been a person."

"That's what you say when you care about people," Ymir glanced up. "You care about all of them, too, don't you?"

Eren didn't say anything.

"Leave them at least one thing, Eren, or I'll fight you on this."

Eren gave her a weak glare. "Fine, then. They can have my name, but that's it."

Ymir nodded slightly. "Okay. Good."

Eren was shaking. "Okay." He wished he could stop crying.

Ymir was shaking with the force of her own tears. She gasped for breath and a small smile fluttered onto her face. "I'm sorry, I'm just - I'm so relieved. I've want- wanted for so long for this to b-be over! I waited for you, I - I called -"

"I heard you," Eren said, softly. "After 2,000 years, I finally heard you."

Leaning forward, he gently pressed his forehead against Ymir's and felt their consciousness and powers mingle into a story. A fabricated story, with holes someone else can rationally fill in later. They painted a picture of horrible beasts, of monsters that rose from hell itself to kill all of humanity. They painted them big and scary - some of them didn't even have skin - with huge teeth and hollow eyes. If you didn't watch out, they'd grab you and eat you up. They were fast and terrible, and they would smile as they munched on your bones.

They were called titans.

They terrorized humanity for centuries, and everyone thought it couldn't get any worse. Then, one horrible day, the devil appeared. It was the worst of them all. A huge, hulking thing - over seventy meters high! - that dragged itself forward on its ribs like a centipede. Dark hair fell in it's skull-like face, equally dark eyes judging the world and finding it lacking. It wanted nothing more than to destroy everyone. Mothers, daughters, fathers, sons, and everyone in between! No one was safe! The devil had no mercy, and, with it's titan army, it ended so many innocent lives.

Then, the heroes showed up; humans with the strength, the courage, and the determination to fight. They had to fight, see? If you lose you die, if you win you live. If you don't fight, you can't win. Remember that, okay, sweetie?

These soldiers came from all over, from every corner of the entire world. They all combined their forces, their intelligence, and brought the titan scourge to its knees. All of humanity worked together to kill the devil. Many died in the battle, but their sacrifice was not in vain. They delivered themselves from evil on their own wings of freedom and won the war. Humanity was finally free!

And we all lived happily ever after because the devil was finally dead.

Notes:

"I mean, they say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time."

Chapter 16: Epilogue

Notes:

I want to thank you all for the reception of this fic. I never expected this response, nor could I have predicted all the kind words you have shared with me. This truly has been so much fun and I hope you enjoyed it as well. Even though it's so sad.

If it helps, I presented my thesis - which is a creative work so it's like just a regular book - and one of my reviews said my story both fascinated and horrified. So like, I don't just do it you guys. I could honestly write a whole essay about my literary choices, how I borrowed symbolism from Isayama, and how I wanted to jumped through my line break to combine erens. I could talk about it for hours lol.

Thank you so much once again. I don't really know how aot is going to end but I like to imagine its something a little like this.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

"The end."

"Is all that really true, Mommy?" a little girl with big brown eyes asked, blinking up at her.

"Of course," Petra giggled, poking her on the nose. "Would I ever lie to you?"

"Right! Cause Mommy's a hero," the girl nodded, "and heroes can't tell lies."

Petra ran her fingers through her daughter's hair. "Hero, huh? That has a nice ring to it."

"I wanna be one too! Just like you and daddy," the little girl stated, jumping up and put her hands on her hips. "I want to join the Survey Corps!"

Once upon a time that would have driven a stake of fear into any parent. Once upon a time that would have broken the hearts of an entire family. Once upon a time she might not have even made it past the age fifteen with such a decision.

"The scouts, huh?" Oluo said, swooping in behind them, kissing Petra on the head. "That sounds like a pretty cool idea. Where do you want to explore?"

"Everywhere!" Their daughter bounced on her heels. Her eyes were shining. "The ocean, the mountains, the desert, the rain forests! I want to see it all!"

Petra smiled. "Then you will."

. . .

Mikasa took a look at herself in the mirror, face red. "Kiyomi, can you come in here? I think I need help."

The other woman poked her head in the door and gasped in delight. "Oh, no it's perfect! You look beautiful, Mikasa!"

That only made her face redder. "Thank you. I was worried I'd get it wrong and upset everyone . . ."

Kiyomi came forward, shaking her head, and messing with Mikasa's styled hair. "Everyone knows your situation. I wouldn't let you go out with a kimono tied incorrectly anyway."

Mikasa smiled softly, picking at her sleeve. "It's really comfortable. I feel like I could hide anything in these sleeves."

Kiyomi gave her a look in the mirror. "You don't have a knife on you do you?"

Mikasa defended herself. "It's in my sock."

Kiyomi shook her head and laughed. "The word is tabi."

"Tabi," Mikasa repeated.

"Good," Kiyomi clapped her hands. "And now I have a surprise for you before your formal presentation to the family."

"A surprise?" Mikasa turned to face her as she pulled something out of her pocket. She handed a small, rectangular black box to Mikasa, who opened it with a small gasp.

"Is it the right shade?" Kiyomi fretted when she didn't say anything. "You said your favorite color was dark green, yes?"

"Yes," Mikasa whispered, holding the ornate hairstick closer to her face. "Yes, this is the right color . . ."

"Don't cry!" Kiyomi explained, fanning at Mikasa's face. "I thought it'd make you happy!"

Mikasa pulled it close to her chest, hand inching up to her neck as if seeking out the scarf she had thrown away years ago. "No, it's perfect. Thank you. It's perfect . . ."

It was the same color as Eren Jaeger's eyes. She was sure of it.

. . .

Reiner woke up at noon much to his displeasure.

He rolled out of bed with the loudest, most put-upon groan he could muster. He heard his mom laughing at him in the kitchen. He dragged himself to the fridge and grabbed the milk, raising it to his mouth.

"I don't think so," his mom said, handing him as glass as she passed him.

Reiner grunted his thanks. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

His mom gave him a sad smile. "You were sleeping soundly for the first time in months. I wasn't going to bother you."

Reiner wiped the milk off his chin and looked outside. It was a sunny, blue, blue day. There were some blue jays flying around outside, singing to their heart's content. "It's quiet. I take it Gabi's not home?"

"Ding, ding, ding, ding," his mom laughed. "Falco came to pick her up this morning. Udo and Zofia were already waiting for them on the square, but Gabi wanted to invite our neighbor."

Reiner raised an eyebrow and turned to face her. "You mean that really quiet kid?"

"Yes. Terribly shy, poor thing. Thankfully, Gabi's here to rope her into all kinds of crazy adventures."

Reiner hummed in acknowledgement and turned his attention back outside. His mother watched him for a second, good mood withering in the silence.

"Have you found her yet?"

"Huh?" Reiner asked, confused.

"That girl you can't remember."

"How did you get it in your head that Eren's a girl?" Reiner laughed weakly.

"Well, Erin is a girl's name, so -"

"His name is E-R-E-N, Mom," Reiner focused on the glass in his hand, swirling the milk around. "I can promise you I'm not screaming a girl's name in the middle of the night."

"Don't talk like that," she reprimanded. "I can tell it's not that kind of dream anyway. Night terror is more accurate. But still, any news?"

Reiner tightened his grip on the glass. "No . . ."

She frowned. "And you're positive there is no record of an Eren Jaeger in any of the military papers? You mentioned you two fought together?"

"I -" Reiner shook his head. "I don't know. I can't remember."

She was just growing more concerned. "Maybe we should go back to the doctor -"

"There's a record of a Dr. Jaeger, but there's nothing, Mom, he's dead. Died in the rumbling."

There was a beat of silence. "I meant as in schedule a real doctor's appointment. I'm worried about you. You're so confident this person existed to the point you know gender and how to spell his name, but nothing else. Can you even tell me his hair color?"

"No." Reiner finished his milk and put the glass in the sink. "I can't, but the others know that name, too."

She didn't speak for a moment, just tapped her fingers on the counter in an anxious pattern. "Maybe there was a reason you can't remember. Maybe it's best to let him go, Reiner."

"I'm going to Bertholdt's," Reiner said, heading back to his room. She didn't follow him. Let Eren go . . . he didn't even know if he had a hold on him in the first place.

. . .

"Sasha, your better half has arrived!" Connie announced, bursting through the restaurant doors.

"Don't talk to my wife like that, cueball!" Niccolo yelled back from in the kitchen.

"You both know you come in second to - Hunter! Come here, girl!" Sasha ran out and patted her knees as Connie's four month old puppy ran to her. "Where's my precious baby! There she is! There she is!"

"And what am I? Chopped liver?" Connie joked, walking over.

"Less. You can cook liver," Sasha laughed, straightening up and giving him a hug. "Good to see you, how's Jean doing?"

"Fine, he's helping Armin with something at the capitol."

"Please tell me it's about Historia's announcement?" Niccolo walked in, giving Connie a hug as well. "And please say we're catering."

"Cool your jets, man. The woman just gave birth, give her a chance," Connie laughed. "Nah, I don't know what it's for." He reached down and picked Hunter up, her little tail wagging as hard as it could.

Sasha cooed and petted her head. "Sweet baby, light of my life, darling dearest of -"

Connie leaned away. "Are you fucking wooing my dog?"

"Language!" Sasha pointed at him. "There are children here!"

Connie looked imploringly at Niccolo. "Please tell me you plan on having kids."

The left the couple sputtering for a second, beat red.

"Don't project on us, Springer!" Niccolo yelled.

"And if we do have kids, you're not helping us name them!" Sasha added.

"What?! No way, I'm great at names!"

"You wanted to name your dog," Sasha stressed, "Eren."

"And that's a good name," Connie muttered.

"It's too precious to be used on a dog!"

"Now it's a dog," Niccolo face palmed. "What happened to it being a baby?"

"Lay off. We don't know if it's a precious name or not." Connie argued for the sake of arguing. He agreed with her completely. "It's not like we remember who the hell Eren Jaeger even was, anyway . . ."

. . .

"So it's finally finished, huh?" Erwin smiled. "When is the grand opening?"

Levi finished wiping down the counter, satisfied now that his reflection was shining back at him. "Some time in early March."

"Be sure to save me a seat," Erwin said, looking around at the dark wooded interior. Damn, everything was so clean. "I never knew you wanted to open a tea shop."

Levi grunted. "Have to do something to stay busy now that I'm retired. I just can't believe those idiots came with me."

"As if the Levi Squad could function without the Levi," Erwin smiled. "They already have jobs here?"

"Their fucking pride and joy apparently. The glory of going from soldier to waiter."

Erwin laughed. "Is your uncle going to be pitching in?"

Levi scowled, putting his cleaning supplies away. "Kenny can fuck off and die for all I care."

"Right," Erwin nodded. "So that's not his hat on the hat rack?"

"Thin ice, eyebrows," Levi warned, taking off his white bandana. "I already get too much shit from him as it is without your help. Ya know how hard he fought me over the name?"

"I wanted to ask you about that," Erwin said. "I never took you as the religious type. This a side effect of retirement?"

Levi gave him a contemplative look. "So I'm the only one Four-Eyes told."

He came around the corner of the bar, and Erwin followed him out the front. The streets of Sina were crowded as always, but people paid them the respect they were owed. Levi looked up at the sign, and Erwin did the same. The word Saint was engraved in cursive on polished wood from the old titan forest. On the top right were two wings, black and white, that seemed like they were trying to fly off with it.

"Saint," Levi explained, looking up, "is what the name Eren means."

. . .

Hange burst into the library study room, arms full of books, scrolls, and loose paper. "We're missing something, right? This isn't sheer desperations and shared delusion?"

"It better not be," Jean moaned into the desk. "I've wasted too much of my life on this."

"Both of you calm down," Armin chided, flipping through a book. "There has to be a record of him here somewhere. We didn't all collectively make him up."

"I don't know," Hange dumped their haul on the table, scaring Jean half to death. "Shared delusions are a real thing. It could be a product of our trauma." They wiggled their fingers at them at the word.

Jean gave them a disgusted look while Armin slammed his book closed. "Can we focus please!"

Jean and Hange looked at him, at the dark circles under his eyes and the shaking in his fingers.

Jean sighed. "Armin, when was the last time you slept?"

Armin gave him a funny look. "Last night, why -?"

"No, I mean, in your bed. In your house," Jean clarified. "You know, the one you share with Annie? Your girlfriend? Remember her?"

Armin sent him a nasty look. "Yes, I remember Annie. Why would I forget her? No, no the question is who the hell is Eren Jaeger and how did we forget him?"

"Armin," Hange sighed. "I think you need to take a break -"

"What? No -"

"Listen," Hange ordered, reduring him mute. "Where is Mikasa?"

Armin furrowed his eyebrows. "Hizuru being formally presented into the Azumabito family? You know that, so -"

"And where is Annie?"

"She -" Armin stuttered. "She went home to visit her father."

"Look out there," Hange said, gesturing to the window. "The war is over. The titans are all gone. We won. Don't lose sight of your family because you keep searching for ghosts."

Armin slumped slightly. "You really think he's dead?"

"I don't know what to think," Hange said. "All I know is that we all know the name of someone who, by all accounts, never existed in the first place. Is it weird? Sure, but the fact we were fighting man-eating giants until a few months ago is weird, too."

"But why can't we remember?" Armin asked, eyes too shiny. "How could we all forget everything about a person but their name?"

"We might never know," Jean got up and put a hand on Armin's shoulder. "Eren Jaeger might be a mystery that needs to be buried with the titans."

Armin looked at him, hopeless. "But I can't leave him there, Jean, I can't . . ." Armin leaned his elbows on the table, holding his head.

Jean squeezed his shoulder. "I'm not saying give up on him. Hell, I'm not even going to be able to do that. What I'm saying is - if Eren was the person we all think he was, he'd be pretty pissed off by your pity party."

Armin's laugh sounded like a sob. "He was always getting angry about something, wasn't he?"

"I don't know," Jean said truthfully. Armin nodded and reached up, holding onto Jeans hand on his shoulder.

"Come on," Hange said, helping him up. "If we get you home and into a bath, you can make it to Annie's before sunset."

. . .

Historia spent the morning eating breakfast with her wife; she now spent the evening watching the sunset with her.

"I fucking hate the color orange," Ymir said softly, her breath ruffling Historia's hair.

She laughed. "What did that color ever do to you?"

"Exist. Just look at it - all those pinls, reds, and blues, and it has the fucking nerve to butt in." Ymir shook her head. "Horrible."

Historia laughed harder, pulling Ymir's arms tighter around her, snuggling deep under her chin. This was the happiest she'd been in a long, long time. Ymir kissed her on the head, and Historia could've wept.

"Your Majesty? Your Highness?"

The pair turned toward a nurse walking towards them on the balcony with a sheepish smile.

"Fucking hell, okay," Ymir mutter under her breath. "What is it?"

"I'm so sorry to bother you, but you told me to bring him to you if he got too fussy, and -"

"Oh!" Historia sat up a bit and held out her arms. "Yes, thank you."

The nurse came forward and delivered her charge, the little bundle in her arms releasing quiet, wheezing upsets. Historia took him in her arms and brought him close to her chest, reclining back into Ymir.

"Little brat should be left alone. That'd toughen him up," Ymir said as if she wasn't leaning in closer, curling in tighter around her family.

"Hi, sweetheart. Oh my goodness, now, don't cry," Historia cooed, rocking slightly. "Look, look at the sky. You see all the colors? Mama Ymir doesn't like that one there. See it? That's orange. Do you like orange?"

"We'll have to put him up for adoption if he says yes." Ymir smiled.

Historia smiled back, shaking her head. "No, we'd never do that. This is the best view on the whole island. He needs to see all the color options. What about that one? That's blue. Blue." Historia brought him even closer, the feeling in her chest so big, it felt like it might explode.

"That whole sky is yours, baby. This whole world. You can do anything you want, be whatever you want, I promise. I promise. You're free. This world is finally open, and it's all for you. Just because you're you. Just because you were born. You're free to do anything." She brushed his cheek with her thumb and smoothed back his dark hair. "Remember that, okay, Eren?"

But the baby wasn't watching her; his bright, green eyes were focused on the black silhouettes of the birds against the sunset. Gazing at the burning sky that was giving way to the rich blue of night. His little hands were open and rising upwards as if the stars weren't that far out of reach.