The Holy Brother
Svenne14
Summary:
Daniel has nothing left. This is it for him. He's all alone now. End of the road. Is there no place on earth, willing to forgive him, for all the terrible things he's done...?
Notes:
This serves as a brief introduction to the episode, and to put the reader into the mind of Daniel, and what he's going through.
Chapter 1: The Book Of Sean Ends
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Just a very regular morning… or not…
Daniel's gotten used to sleeping in some uncomfortable places. But damn, this was a whole new level. Every fiber of his body, in pain. Incredible pain. Yet, he didn't quite… feel it. Almost like his body's waking up, piece by piece. First, he got his hearing back. Only to discover that there's nothing to hear. A few birds in the distance, sure. But… nothing… real. Not his big brother's voice, calmly telling him it's time to get up, not Penny talking conspiracy theories. Nothing. Eerily quiet.
Then, Daniel's sense of touch awoke. That's when the pain began. It was horrible. He didn't understand why he was in so much pain. Daniel wanted to scream, scream for Sean. To get his big brother to come over here, and make everything alright. Like he always does. But Daniel couldn't scream. He couldn't even move. Every muscle in his small body, on fire. Hell, places, where he didn't even know he had muscles, was hurting. Part of him knew something wasn't adding up. But, his little brain, too overheated to make any sense of the current situation, had just given up.
Eventually, he could smell and taste again. The first thing he tasted? Blood. He should be scared, anyone would be. But he's not. It's like he's hit rock bottom, or at least his mind. Daniel Diaz believes he's waking up inside the tent he shares with his big brother Sean. Despite everything clearly stating that he's not. Daniel can now move his arms and legs, barely. And boy, does it hurt. A lot. Especially the arms. He can finally, fucking finally, open his mouth. He needs help.
"Sean…? Are you there…? Sean? It… it hurts. Help…" Daniel can barely get the words out, he's completely drained of energy. Nobody's coming to his aid. Sean's not there.
"Sean? Please… I- I need you… help!" He tries again, louder. Same result. This is the point when he feels he's strong enough to finally open his eyes. As he does so, he expects the first thing he sees to be the inside of their tent. Instead, he sees… a couch. A big, blue, worn-down couch.
"Weird… we've never had a couch in our tent… how did it get here…?" Daniel's still completely out of it. He looks around the tent, discovering that… it's no tent.
"Wait…" He whispers. This place felt oddly familiar. Has he been here before-
"OH, NO, SEAN!" Immediately, it all came back. The attempted heist with Finn. Cassidy and Sean coming after them. Merrill pointing the shotgun at Daniel… how scared he was. But that wasn't what mattered now. What mattered, was the last thing he saw before slipping into unconsciousness. The image of Sean, in the corner of the room.
"SEAN?! Where are you?! Sean- ow, motherfucker!" As Daniel got up, he supported himself using his right arm. The same arm that has a bullet wound in its shoulder. He collapsed on the floor instantly, the pain was… from a different world. But he forced himself up, pushing through the pain. He had to get to Sean. To see if he's…
"Sean?!" Daniel, now standing on wobbly legs, scans the remains of Merrill's house for his big brother. As he sees him, lying there in the corner, he feels… happy, safe, just for a split second. Then, he sees Sean's face.
"NO! Sean, please don't! Sean!" Daniel runs to his brother's side, not even caring about the pain he's feeling from the bullet wound. This was worse. So. Much. Worse. He would gladly take a hundred gunshot wounds, just… not this. Never… this. Sean lied on the floor, his hoodie, and face, covered in blood. His left eye had a large piece of glass stuck in it. Deep.
"WHY?! WHYYYYY?!" Daniel gets down on his knees, taking his brother's hand. Is he breathing? Maybe, maybe not. Daniel doesn't fucking know, he's nine! Nine, and fucking panicking. He screams out his sorrow, his guilt, believing that he's… killed… his own brother.
"Sean… please. Wake up, big brother. Wake up. We… we have to go. To Puerto Lobos, right? Just like you said…? I- I can't do it alone, Sean. I… need you. Please, big brother… just… wake up. Wake up and call me Enano again…" Daniel's sobbing quietly, whispering to Sean. Whispering words, begging his brother to wake up. But he doesn't. Sean's not waking up, neither is he moving or… breathing. At least, Daniel's convinced he doesn't breathe.
"Sean! You can't just leave me here, you ASSHOLE!" Daniel breaks down. Crying loudly, with his face buried in Sean's dead arm.
"I… I don't know what to do, Sean. Help me… please, help me…" He gets no answer. Instead, he turns over, putting his arm across Sean's chest. Simultaneously, Daniel takes Sean's arm, placing it on top of his own shoulder. The gunshot-shoulder. It feels a little better. But… Sean's gone. Forever. He… killed him. Daniel killed his own brother. Realizing this… breaks him so badly, he's unable to cry. He just lies there. Holding his dead brother, and his dead brother holding him. Daniel Felipe Diaz: Murderer and monster, now awaiting his demise. One way, or the other. Nothing matters. Absolutely nothing.
He didn't know how much time had passed. He didn't care either. From nowhere, he's just hit with… a feeling, an instinct, perhaps. It tells him, he needs to get out of there, now. At first, he ignores it. He doesn't want to leave Sean's side. But the longer he lies there, the stronger the feeling gets. If Daniel's busted, everything Sean ever did for him, all the sacrifices, will be for nothing. Including… his life. That's why he needs to go.
"I'm so sorry, Sean. So very, very sorry." Daniel gets up on his knees.
"I never wanted this, I just… tried to help. But I messed up like I always do. With everything. I just… wanna say thank you." He can't hold it together. Daniel's crying, but he feels like he has to say this.
"I wanna say thank you, Sean. For being… the best big brother ever. Even… if I didn't deserve you. Thank you for believing in me, even if you shouldn't have. I just want you to know that… I'm sorry, Sean. So… sorry." Daniel grabs Sean's hand, giving it a kiss goodbye. Usually, it would have been on the forehead, but he just can't get near his brother's face now.
"Goodbye, big brother. I love you. I always did." Daniel, now having said farewell to Sean, slowly gets up, and walks back towards camp. On the way out, he tries to ignore the bodies of Cassidy and Finn, lying on the floor.
Daniel just walked aimlessly, hoping he wouldn't get lost. Still, he wouldn't care if he did. At this point, Daniel Diaz does not fear death. Daniel Diaz welcomes it. The way back to camp was slow, cold, and painful. Painful, in both body, and heart. Daniel's beginning to realize the gravity of the situation. Sean's dead. He killed him. Now, he's all alone. Injured, and in the middle of nowhere. He's constantly crying, walking his way back.
"I'm so sorry dad. I'm so sorry, Sean. You hate me. Both of you. It's all my fault." As he gets back to camp, exhausted, in shock, in pain, covered in blood. Mentally and physically broken… everyone's busy, packing their stuff. The swedes, Ingrid and Anders, have already left. Penny apparently ran off as soon as everyone heard the explosion. The only ones left are Jake and Hannah.
"Aw, for fuck's sake, Jake! If you're gonna take a fucking tent down, do it right! Idiot!" They both seemed… freaked out.
"I'm- I'm TRYING, Hannah, ok? I just-" Then, Jake saw Daniel. A nine-year-old boy, face covered in tears, body covered in blood, looking more fragile than ever before.
"Oh my god…" Daniel couldn't move. He wasn't sure why. Shame, perhaps…
"Hey, Jake? Get a fucking move on-" Now, Hannah saw him too.
"What the fuck…?" Hannah mumbles. At that point, Daniel's legs couldn't hold him any longer. He collapsed, down on the ground. All that pain had now caught up with him.
"… do you even know what you're doing, Jake?" Daniel's awakened by familiar voices.
"Yes. I do. I'm… used to taking care of my sister… when she's… not well." Hannah and Jake. Oh, yeah… THAT happened too. Sean.
"Hey, Daniel? Wake up, it's ok, you're… you're safe." Daniel's actually a bit… impressed by Jake. He actually felt a lot… safer, just hearing that.
"Daniel? I need to know what happened?" Jake asks him. Seriously, but still, respectfully. As always, with Jake.
"And why the fuck do you have a gunshot wound?!" Hannah… not exactly as smooth…
"Hannah, calm down. Give him time. Daniel?" He takes his time, explaining everything. The heist with Finn, Merrill, and Big Joe, Sean… dead. Everything. When he's finished, Jake's completely stunned. Hannah's more… confused.
"Wait a minute… this makes no sense. Why would Finn, an adult man, a dumb one, but an adult nonetheless, need you on a heist, Daniel? I- I don't get it." Is she senile?
"Don't you remember?! Because of… THIS!" Daniel screams, then, he makes Hannah's backpack fly, right in front of her.
"What. The. Fuck?!" Oh… shiiit. That's right. Hannah didn't know.
"Hannah, wait-" Jake tries to make a save, but there's no point. Hannah's not getting involved in… whatever this is. Without another word, she picks up her backpack and leaves them. Forever. Daniel, lying on the ground, looks up at Jake.
"Please, Jake. Don't- don't leave me. Please. I- I have… no one. Nothing. I- I don't know what to do." He cries, but quickly feels a soothing hand on his shoulder. His healthy shoulder.
"I'm not leaving you, Daniel. I think… this is it. This is… a sign." Jake looked like he's debating, internally with himself.
"You- you're not… leaving me?" Daniel asked between his sobs.
"Absolutely not, Daniel. I- I think I know a place. Somewhere far from here, where both- where you will be safe, from all of this. I can help you, Daniel. She can help you." Jake had that weird look again and grabbed his wrist. He always did that when he was nervous. She?
"Who is… she?" Daniel asked, not because he really cared. More just… for the sake of asking.
"The reverend mother. She can help you. She can help you with everything, Daniel." Most people would have reacted to the word "reverend". Daniel, however, only heard the second word. Mother. Mom. Mommy. He always wanted to meet his biological mother. Deep down, he knows it's never going to happen. This might be the closest thing he gets to have a mother in his life. Sure, it's not his mother, but it's a mother. Better than nothing.
"Ok, Jake. Where- where are we going?" Daniel got up, slowly. Everything was hurting.
"We're going to a… community. It's called… Haven Point. It's in Nevada." Why did it look like Jake almost got shills, saying the name? Daniel's probably just imagining things.
"Nevada? That… really far away, Jake." Like, really, really far.
"I know, Daniel. That's why we have to move now. Fast. It won't be long before the police show up here. We want to be long gone by that time, do you understand?" Daniel understood, obviously. He's done nothing but running away from cops, for the last couple of months. But he also realized that… he felt safe… with Jake. He trusted him, he could feel that… Jake really cared. Jake's just one of those people… that cares. Like Brody… or Chris.
"Yeah, Jake. I understand. Let's- let's go." Daniel felt like he really wanted to leave this place. For more reasons than one, this time. However, he did feel a very… unique form of pain. Deep inside his heart. Almost like a part of himself… had just died. Along with Sean. His brother. He stands still for a while, taking in this… pain. Absorbing it, knowing it's his own fault, and no one else.
"Daniel. I grabbed some things from your tent. Come on, let's go!" Jake looked like he was ready to freak out again. Daniel could swear that he heard police sirens in the distance.
"Ok, Jake. Let's go. Thank you, for helping me." The young wolf ran away, with his new friend, leaving his big brother's corpse behind, for the hunters. The guilt would eat him up from the inside, going forward. The young wolf knew that much. But… he brought it on himself. The wolfbrothers were dead. Now, there was only a… lone wolf. A lone wolf, not by choice. A lone wolf because he parted ways with his blood brother in the most horrific way imaginable. Now, he's willing to do anything… anything, to get some kind of redemption.
Can this "reverend mother" help him with that?
Notes:
First, let's get this one out of the way: NO! I DID NOT KILL SEAN!
Now, that being said... this is going to be an interesting episode to write. The in-game episode is almost only about Sean. This is why this episode, as the title suggests, will be Daniel-exclusive. To let you know how his life in Haven Point looks like, his thoughts there, etc. A hint: he did NOT have a good time there...
I wanted to start this chapter with Daniel waking up in Merrill's house, finding Sean. Seeing his reaction, it just feels... important.
A very (and I do mean very) important note, on a personal level: The way Daniel's waking up at the beginning of the chapter? That's something I've gone through, hundreds of times, with my epilepsy. The "couch" thing as well. Just replace "couch" with "refrigerator" and it's me.
Chapter 2: The Book Of Daniel Begins
Summary:
The road towards Haven Point continues. However, Daniel's mental health continues to decline. With results horrifying even himself...
Notes:
This chapter goes down a road that not everyone will like. For more reasons than one. READ TAGS!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Mount Rainier National Park…
Daniel walks up behind his big brother. Sean's sitting down, resting, thinking. He seems… off. Daniel joins him. Sean doesn't seem to recognize his presence. Daniel's starting to feel uncomfortable. He's not quite sure why, but whatever feeling this is, he doesn't like it. Why is Sean so quiet? Why is Sean ignoring him? Daniel decides to break the silence. Before it breaks him.
"Sean-" He starts, but immediately gets interrupted.
"Why did you do it, Daniel?" Sean asks, voice thick with disappointment, hurt, and deep emotional pain. But no anger. To be honest, Daniel would prefer if his brother would just scream at him instead.
"Do- do what, S- Sean?" Daniel feels like he should know what Sean's talking about, but he doesn't. He's stumbling through his words.
"Kill me, Daniel. Why did you kill me? I thought I was your brother." Sean's completely calm, and collected, his eyes turned forward the entire time. Not once, looking at Daniel. The young wolf is unable to give a reply. Tears start to flow. Sean, the one who usually comes running to comfort him, doesn't care. Instead, he continues.
"I did everything for you, Daniel. You're my Enano. Or… you were, at least. I did all I could to help you. Everything I did, I did for you. And what do I get In return?" At first, Sean sounded just… cold, bitter, and hurt. Then, as he asked, he slowly turned his face towards Daniel. The latter, now in a complete state of shock. Among other things.
Sean's left eye… was gone. Literally. Replaced with… nothing. However, there was a continuous stream of blood, coming out of the very fresh wound. Meanwhile, Sean acted like nothing's happening.
"… so, what do I get in return, Enano? HUH?!" Sean's screaming at him now. Daniel can't take his eyes of… Sean's eye. Neither can he move, he can't do anything. He's stuck.
"I get stuck in a cold fucking cabin, in the middle of FUCKING nowhere! With you, Daniel. You! My little ungrateful piece-of-shit brother. I wandered for eleven hours to get us food, and you? You're bitching about not liking ravioli?! Grow the fuck up! I can't fucking believe I had to carry you half the way to Beaver Creek. Not like it mattered, we still had to run. Again. Because of you. AGAIN! And you got Chris killed, Daniel… how could you? How could you? Then, when I think you can't get any more unbearable… you do THIS!" Sean screams at his little brother. The truth. Then, finishes by pointing at his bloody eye, smearing it out using his palm.
"S- S- Sean… I- I-" Poor Daniel can't get the words out. He's too stunned.
"You did… this, to me, Daniel. Give me your hand." Sean's back to sounding calm again. Still, he feels… cold. Daniel gives Sean his hand, not really sure of why he does so. Sean takes it, smearing his own blood over Daniel's small hand, and his wrist.
"My blood… is on your hands, Daniel. YOUR HANDS!" His big brother screams at his face.
"NO!"
A roach-motel in Nevada, seven days after the blast at Merrill's…
"SEAN STOP!" Daniel woke up, screaming his brother's name. Again. He scared the shit out of poor Jake. Again. The same fucking dream… again. He closes his eyes immediately, Jake's nice to him, but he's just… a friend. Not… family, not… Sean.
"Daniel? I- I know you're awake… you want to… talk about it?" No. He really did not. Daniel just shakes his head, not saying a word.
"Ok. I understand if you don't want to. Listen, they have a little shop across the street. I was thinking of getting us something to eat? What do you say, Daniel?" Jake, with another of his not-so-subtle attempts at starting a conversation. Daniel still liked it though. He… tried. He really tried. This time, it sort of worked.
"Do- do they have… Chock-O-Crisp?" Daniel asks, opening his eyes. Daniel Diaz looks like his life literally depends on this store having his favorite chocolate. Sure, he used to look like that in Seattle too. The difference being, that was an act. This is not. Daniel's lost so much, so fast, at such a young age. He's right on the edge, and all it takes is one gust of wind. Then, he'll fall, to one side, or the other. The question is, which?
"I'm sure they do, Daniel. I'll get you some, promise." That actually made Daniel a little happier, or… less sad.
"Thanks, Jake." He leaves, and Daniel's left all alone. He still can't understand it. Why is Jake so nice to him? He doesn't… deserve Jake's help. He's the sole reason his entire family's dead. Daniel sighs, and gets out of bed. BED! He's now sleeping in an actual bed, for the first time since Beaver Creek. Eight days ago, this would have been heaven. Sean and he would have shared the same bed, Daniel would have fallen asleep to the story of the wolfbrothers. Instead… this happened. Sean's dead, and… fuck.
After finishing up in the bathroom, Daniel looks at himself in the mirror. He studies the creature, the… monster, staring back at him. It kind of looks like him, at least in some ways. But the… thing, staring back at him, is still so very different. It's taller, a lot taller, actually. The creature's hair is longer and messier. It's also a lot skinnier than the real Daniel Felipe Diaz. And then, the creature's just… old. Daniel's not stupid, he knows it's his own image in that mirror. But… it doesn't feel like it. The face of that… thing, looks like it's aged one hundred years in the last couple of months. Daniel sighs again, then continues to change his clothes. Jake had bought him some new clothes, which were nice. But why did it have to be white shirts only? He hates shirts, especially white ones. He wants T-shirts. Not "shirt-shirts." Jake had told him something about "the reverend mother wants all believers to wear the pure color." Made no sense to Daniel, so he still wore his red "space mission" T-shirt underneath. The white shirt was, however, good for one thing…
To hide it.
To hide… them.
The… scars.
Daniel had nightmares about Sean every night. Terrible nightmares. Sometimes, he wakes up screaming, as loud as any human being can possibly scream. The first time… was different. The first time, he had the exact same dream as he just had. When he woke up, he didn't scream. On the outside, he looked calm. A bit tired perhaps, but still calm. On the inside, however, he was shocked. He knew it was just a dream, but it felt so real. So real, Daniel literally thought Sean came back to haunt him. And that now, Sean's blood was literally, and figuratively, on Daniel's hands. Daniel had gone into the bathroom, and locked the door, with Jake still asleep.
Then, after some searching, he found a pair of scissors. He took them.
Then, the little wolf cut himself. Deep. Closing his eyes, feeling the tears, pouring down his face. Feeling the blood from his wound, first dripping, then, a slow, but steady stream. He's still not sure why he did it. He didn't like it. It hurt, obviously. But, he didn't… hate it, either. In a way, it felt like… justice. Maybe… if he feels just a small amount of the pain he's caused to others… things can work out? As he was sitting there, just… letting the blood flow, many thoughts flew through his mind. His young, fragile mind.
"Oh my god! What the fuck am I doing? What's wrong with me? I- I need help. Real help." That thought would probably have been the best one to hang on to. But instead, he quickly moved on to the next.
"Maybe- maybe I should just… cut… deeper? Then, I won't have to run anymore. I could see dad, Sean, Chris, and Mushroom. Not like I can lose anything more." The darker thoughts are becoming more common, and more full of self-hate and, more recently, almost suicidal. He gave it some thought, a lot of it, actually. After a while, he almost felt… better? Like he managed to wash away Sean's blood, with his own. It made no sense to him, it didn't need to. He knew three things. He cut himself, it helped, and he hates himself even more for it. Daniel swore to never do it again. It's a promise he hasn't kept.
After five days in this motel, Daniel's got four large scars on his left wrist.
Dad.
Mushroom.
Chris.
Sean.
Four of them. Jake had no idea. He would freak out if he knew. So, Daniel hides it. For what purpose, he doesn't even know. It's not like he can be threatened with anything as a punishment. Not because of his powers, but because he's got nothing left to lose. Absolutely nothing. Daniel's pulled back to the real world by the sounds of the door opening. Jake's back from the store. How- how long has he been standing here?
"Hi, Daniel. Doing alright, buddy?" He likes Jake, he really does. Jake's really cool, in his own way. But that's a really fucking stupid question. Seriously, what about Daniel's current situation… or life, is alright? Daniel sits down, just staring at Jake, then, he says something. A sentence that gives him chills, down his entire spine.
"I killed Sean." It's just a whisper, barely. Daniel could see Jake's eyelids twitch simultaneously at the shock.
"Daniel… whatever happened… back there. It wasn't your fault." Daniel used to think that Sean's bad at this. Jake's even worse. He can't convince him of shit, nor can he make him feel better. Daniel just covers his face, crying. Then, he felt Jake's arm around him. Jake had moved his chair closer, right next to him, and put his arm around him. Just like… Sean used to do. Daniel needs someone to comfort him, so badly. Maybe… if he closes his eyes, he can pretend it's Sean?
He couldn't, of course. But still, it was better than nothing, and a lot more than he deserved. Jake sat with him, for a long time. Nobody said a word. Not until Daniel felt like he got it all out of his system.
"Hey, Jake?" Daniel asked, between his last quiet sobs.
"Yeah, Daniel?" Daniel feels a bit ashamed. He shouldn't…
"Did you… get me any Chock-O-Crisps?" Daniel shows a little smile. Meanwhile, Jake looks like he just let out a breath he's been holding in for an hour.
"Of course I did. Got it right here, buddy." Jake hands him a large bag of Chock-O-Crisp. At least now, Daniel can have about thirty minutes of something "good."
"So… when are we going to Haven Point?" Daniel may not feel like he's got much to live for. But deep down, very deep down, he's still a kid. A very curious kid.
"Today, Daniel. Today." Again, Jake grabs his wrist? Daniel's beginning to wonder if he… does it too? No, not Jake. He's just… too nice, kind, and caring.
"Really?" Daniel could admit it, Haven Point sounded… interesting. Plus, reverend mother. Mother. Mom. Back in Seattle, the one thing he craved more than anything in the world.
"Yeah. I talked to… her, this morning. They're fine with us coming in today. So as soon as we're done eating, we're leaving." Daniel's not sure what to make of Jake's facial expression. A weird combination of happiness, nostalgia, hope, sadness, pain, and… fear?
"Ok, Jake. I'm ready. Let's go. Let's go to Haven Point." Daniel said firmly.
Haven Point was a very small community, far out in the desert. A place where no one would ever go, unless they really wanted to. Not that Daniel cared that much, he's far too buried in guilt to care about… shit. As they get off the bus, Jake points towards a church.
"There it is, Daniel. The Universal Uprising Church of Haven Point, Nevada." Daniel mentally gives himself a slap to the face. Of course, it's a church. Reverend Mother. Reverend. Dumbass… Jake grabs Daniel's hand while walking over. He squeezes so hard, it almost hurts, and- is he… mumbling bible verses to himself? The pair enters the lobby of the church.
"It's ok, Daniel. She's waiting for us- YOU. She's waiting for you." Jake points at the large door, leading towards the church itself.
"Are- are you not… coming with me, Jake?" Daniel can see Jake, biting his lip. Why is he so conflicted? Where is this coming from?
"Please, Jake. You- you said that you would never leave me. You- you promised me." Daniel's on the verge of tears.
"I- I- don't- I… of course, Daniel. I'm going with you." Daniel grabs his hand, and they walk through the door. Time to meet the reverend mother.
As they entered the room, Daniel looked around. It seemed empty. Not a single person around. It was nice in here, he felt… safe. Then, he noticed a woman, kneeling at the altar, back turned against them. She was praying in silence. Daniel knew, not because he's religious himself, but because he saw Claire do it. Many times. Daniel walks towards her, but Jake carefully holds him back, gesturing to him to stay put. Jake's eyes turn downwards, to the floor, as if in shame. Again, he grabs his wrist.
"Reverend mother…?" Jake sounds really nervous. Daniel doesn't blame him. Try explaining a nine-year-old with a gunshot wound.
"Jacob Hackerman… it's been a long time." The woman says, still her back towards them.
"Y- yes, yes it has." Jake's sounding more nervous by the minute.
"Have you done what I asked of you?" She asked Jake. She sounded calm, nice. It made Daniel feel… good.
"Yes, reverend Mother. I have. This… this is Daniel." Jake point at Daniel, but the reverend still doesn't turn towards them.
"Then, you can go, Jacob. Leave us. I need to speak with him, alone." Why would she want to speak with Daniel alone? He's just here because he's got nowhere else to go, right?
"Go? I- I think… Daniel really needs… someone-" Jake very carefully tries, but is interrupted.
"Go, Jacob. Go to your sister. I'm sure Sarah Lee's missed you a lot." She tells him, calm, yet firm.
"Ok, reverend mother. I'll see you later, Daniel." Jake didn't even look him in the eyes as he left. At the time, Daniel didn't think much of it.
The woman, the reverend, now stands up and turns towards him. She's got a wide smile on her face. Something that, to Daniel, feels like… comfort.
"Hello, Daniel. My name's Lisbeth Fischer. I'm the reverend mother of this church. Why don't you sit down?" She sits down at one of the benches, gesturing for Daniel to join her.
"Your friend, Jake… he told me you like these." Lisbeth says, handing him a bag of Chock-O-Crisp. He accepts it but doesn't open it. He just doesn't… feel like it.
"Are- are you gonna… kick me out?" Daniel asks, and the reverend almost looks stunned as a result. Maybe… she doesn't know?
"I'm going to be honest with you, Daniel. I know all about the sins you have committed, and how you committed them." Well, shit. He's homeless again. All alone.
"… but I'm not going to have you leave my community, Daniel. This is a sanctuary for those in need. I help people like you, that's what I do." So… he can stay?
"However… I also know about your… gift, Daniel." FUCK! Fucking fuck and shit! How the fuck does she know? Did Jake tell her? No, he swore. But he's always been weird… Daniel's emotions get the better of him. He burst out in tears. Within a second, he could feel an arm around him.
"Shhh… it's ok, little one." The reverend mother was comforting him. A mother was comforting him, and it felt… good.
"No, it's not. It's not a gift. It's a curse. I'm cursed. This… curse… it killed my dad, forced me and Sean to run away from home, and now, it killed Sean. I've lost everything… everything." Daniel needed to talk to someone, so badly. Someone that wasn't Jake. Jake's nice, but he never has any real answers. Daniel's sick of hearing that it's not his fault when clearly, it is.
"Admitting to all your sins, and showing remorse is the first step on the way to penance, Daniel. I can help you if you're willing?" She looked at him, smiling. How? Just… how, could she help him? He's done. A lost cause.
"How…?" He couldn't think of anything else to say.
"I believe I know why you have this gift, Daniel." She said, turning her eyes towards the large cross inside the room.
"Why?" Impossible. She… can't know. Nobody does. Not even… Sean.
"The Lord has blessed you with this gift, Daniel. All these difficulties you've faced are because you haven't learned how to control them." She made a good point. Chris taught him a bit about control, and he did get a lot better. At least, for a short time. If one thing is true, then why can't both be?
"I- I don't think you can help me. Nobody can…" Daniel says, with a depressing tone. Then, he reaches out with his powers, making a candle orbit around the head of Lisbeth. She looks absolutely stunned.
"It- it really is a… miracle." Daniel sets the candle down, carefully. Burning down a church is about the last thing he needs right now.
"See? You can't help me. I'm… a lost cause." Daniel says between his sobs.
"Daniel. Don't ever say that again. You have a gift from the lord. I know that this… curse, as you call it, has brought you a lot of pain. But with my help, you can turn it into something good. For both others, and yourself. That Daniel is how I can help you. I can help you redeem yourself. No more pain, guilt, and anger. You will, in time, be a normal, happy young boy. Just let me help you, Daniel… please."
Daniel's so captivated by the way she spoke. She really makes him… believe. Believe that… he can be saved. Forgiven. Redeemed. He feels so broken by guilt, and would probably do anything to feel normal again. This, however… he believed in what she said. She didn't feel like a liar. She felt like someone that truly cared. This is the only chance Daniel's getting. It's not even a question.
"Yes. Just… help me, please… help me. I just… wanna feel normal again. Help me." The tears start flowing again, and Lisbeth slowly gives him a hug. All those emotions Daniel kept hidden away, all those emotions regarding his mother to be precise… are now coming out. Almost ten years of bottled-up abandonment issues. All being cried out, in one single hug. On one side, Daniel Diaz. Barely ten years old, broken, alone, and he's harming himself. His eyes closed, but the tears keep flowing nonetheless. On the other side, Lisbeth Fischer. The reverend mother of The Universal Uprising Church. Lisbeth's face shows a sinister smile, while she's comforting the desperate boy. She had waited many years for someone like Daniel to come to her. Now, when it finally had happened… she would never let him leave this place.
Never…
Notes:
So, a lot of people at this point must wonder why I hate Daniel so much. I don't. I absolutely do not! Thing is, he truly goes through hell in the story. Here, I wanted him to be as vulnerable as possible. It makes him an even easier victim of Lisbeth and her manipulative ways.
So, the thing about Daniel cutting himself: I got the idea from some forum, long ago. Someone had pulled his character model from episode 4, and he had bruises on his wrists (if this is really true, I don't know). So, I basically just did that and turned it up to a hundred... I'm aware that not everyone will like it, because it's a nine-year-old kid, and it's Daniel, Enano! The reason I'm doing it is to show just how far down he really is. How desperate he is for help, any help.
Also, in the game, it's clear that he feels like he "deserves" some kind of punishment. That he's dangerous. Since he's had no help so far, he's punished himself. Very literally.
Chapter 3: Learning The Way To Penance
Summary:
Daniel begins the road to make up for all of his sins. However, the road is not always what he expects it to be...
Notes:
A deeper look at the life Daniel had at Haven Point. Both the good, bad and very bad. Again, READ TAGS!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Daniel still couldn't believe it. She wanted to help him. Someone really wanted to help… him. He still felt like he didn't deserve it. However, he desperately wanted it. Anything, to be free from all the guilt, weighing him down. After agreeing to help him, Daniel had asked Lisbeth what he needed to do. She told him that he needed to confess to all his sins. Daniel suspected that to be one, of many things. He told Lisbeth everything. How he killed officer Matthews, the cougar, getting Chris killed, the heist, and… Sean. Everything. The reverend's face still looked calm, and comforting. Her opinion of him had not changed.
"Your heart is full of sins, Daniel." She had told him. Then, she said they would continue at a later point. Daniel had been discreetly escorted to the reverend's own private quarters. He was told that he could have anything he wanted for dinner. Anything. The only condition being that he didn't leave the house, because "the Lord works in mysterious ways." Daniel, without much hope, had asked for the one thing he wanted. A triple cheeseburger with extra bacon, large fries, large soda, and a Chock-O-Crisp Deluxe milkshake. Also, extra-large. He expected to be given a small burger, at best. One hour later, Lisbeth came back with everything he ordered, perfect, down to the smallest detail.
Now, he just sat there. Alone. Looking at all this food. Remembering fondly the day before… the day before it all went to hell. Technically, it already had. Daniel, however, didn't know it at the time. Therefore, he just remembers it as a good time with his brother. His deceased brother. Sean. Daniel tries to put himself in the situation Sean was in back then. Dad just died, a nine-year-old little brother… shit. He realizes the amount of pressure Sean's been under. From the very first day on the road. Daniel complained about his feet hurting, and Sean just saw their father get killed.
He doesn't… get it. How? Just… how could Sean keep his "big brother" mood intact? How did he not crumble into a million pieces? Daniel feels like he's been broken, ten times over. Sean? He never broke. Until… Daniel fucked up. He just keeps looking at all that food, it smells so good. His entire body screams at him, ordering him, to eat. He takes one french fry, looking back with nostalgia. Looking back to that diner, outside Seattle.
Daniel had been so tired, so pouty until he found the diner. Sean had told him he could have anything from the menu. Dad never did that. But Sean did. Sean is- was… the best. Now, he had no one. Except for the reverend mother. She's the only person in this world that truly cares for him. Also, she's his only hope… if he ever wants to move on. Does he trust her? Sort of. She hasn't given him a reason not to trust her. More like the opposite. The reverend mother gives him anything he wants, almost like a… real mother.
Daniel ate some more fries, then decided he was done. He just wasn't hungry anymore. He wasn't much of anything, really. Daniel had now taken off the white shirt, instead, wearing his red "space mission" T-shirt. He definitely preferred that one, but the reverend mother would soon come back. Time to put the white back on. She wants him to wear white, "the color of innocence" she says. As long as it helps him, Daniel's willing to do it. Then, there's also that other thing…
His… cuts.
She can't see them. Never. He has to hide them. No matter what. The little wolf studied the scars on his wrist. One cut for every death he blames himself for. Unless Lisbeth can help him, he's not sure where this might end up. But he knows one thing. It's not good. He snaps out of his dark thoughts, putting on his white shirt, with long sleeves. The reverend's coming.
"Hello, Daniel. You're not eating anything, is everything alright?" Usually, he would think of this, as a stupid question. But the way she asks him… it shows him that she truly cares.
"I'm just… not hungry, it's all. Thanks anyway." Now he feels even more guilty. She's trying to help him, and he lies to her face, just like that. Nice job, Daniel. Nice job.
"I know you feel broken, Daniel. But I can help you. However, the things you have done… all of your sins, will not disappear overnight." Yeah. He knows that, he feels it all the time.
"What- what do I have to do, Lisbeth?" Daniel's desperate. All the guilt, all the remorse, it's killing him. Lisbeth gives him a sharp look.
"First Daniel, do not ever call me by my first name. Very few people are allowed to do that, you are not one of them… yet. You are still, a sinner. Do you understand, my son?" She spoke calmly, which made it even more painful to hear that he's a sinner. He may not be very religious, but being a sinner, that's something bad… very bad. He remembers Claire, how she spoke of a sinner, how bad they were. Now, that's him. Also, the reverend mother just called Daniel "my son."
"I- I understand… reverend mother. I- I'm sorry…" He felt more ashamed than ever, without really knowing why.
"It's fine, my son." There it was again. Son. A mother calling him "son." He's waited almost ten years for that.
"Follow me, Daniel. It's time to begin." Daniel follows her to a nearby room, inside the house. It almost looks like a very small classroom. There's a whiteboard, along with one single bench. Lisbeth gestures to him to sit down. There's a knock on the door, followed by a man entering the room. He's big, almost as big as Big Joe. Dressed in a white shirt, and he really gives Daniel the creeps. He doesn't like him. At all. Nope.
"Daniel, I want you to meet Nicholas. He was once like you. Lost, alone, going on a path filled with sins. Five years ago, I was able to help him. I can help you too, isn't that right, Nicholas?" She puts her hands on Nicholas's large shoulders.
"Trust me, son. The reverend mother… she can help you, and she will. The path… is not an easy one. But it's the right one. The only one. Whatever the reverend mother says, one has to obey. If not, one's soul will never be cleansed from sin." Daniel likes him even less now. He almost feels… threatening. It's weird. The reverend mother's just kind, and caring. Nicholas is just… scary. To be fair, Daniel believed every word he was just told.
"I believe you, s- sir." Still creepy though.
"Very good, Daniel. Whenever I am not around, Nicholas will look after you. I trust him with my life, meaning you can trust him too." Can he? Really?
"Now, Daniel… it is time we begin our first lesson. You cannot be cleansed from sin, without learning how our lord works. Correct?" She says, putting a hand on his shoulder.
"I- I guess…" Makes sense. He can't get rid of something, without knowing how it works in the first place. Still, he found it very… difficult, to argue whenever Lisbeth put a hand on him. Almost like she had powers of her own…
"Very good. Now, pay attention, my son." And there he sat. For hours, upon hours. No breaks. No food, or water. Lisbeth, reading the holy bible out loud. Nicholas, standing in a corner, arms crossed, never moving an inch. He knew that he has to endure. Daniel's heart tells him it's the only way… to keep on living. However, Daniel's brain, his nine-year-old brain, is really fucking tired of this right now. Slowly, he begins to fall asleep.
"… am I boring you, Daniel?" Lisbeth asks him, sounding a bit more serious than usual.
"Huh? No, I- I'm listening, reverend." Daniel immediately sits up, pretending as nothing happened. Lisbeth slowly walks to him.
"Lying is a sin too, Daniel. You know that, don't you?" Her voice, even more serious.
"I- I didn't lie. I swear." Shit. Why did he say that? Idiot!
"Oh, Daniel, Daniel. What am I going to do with you? I cannot help you… until you're willing to help yourself." Should he really be this nervous? He's losing it.
"It's just- it's- it's fucking boring!" Whoops. He knew he screwed up instantly. Lisbeth backed away from his desk, shaking her head.
"Poor child. I'm only trying to help you. But you're not ready yet. That kind of… behavior, is unacceptable in the eyes of the lord. That will be the lesson for today." She's scaring him now. Still, she's calm, but she sounds almost… disappointed.
"I- I'm sorry, reverend mother. I didn't mean to…" Ok, lesson learned, right?
"I'm sorry too, Daniel. I really hoped it wouldn't come to this. Nicholas, you know what to do." Daniel had almost forgotten about the big guy, standing there in silence. He gives Lisbeth a nod as she exits the room, closing the door. Daniel did NOT want to be alone with this man. Sure, he could rip him apart, but it would just make things worse. They only want to help.
"No matter what happens, son… it's for your own good. Know that." He says as he walks around the room, pulling down all the curtains. Nobody can see in, our out.
"You see… in order for us to help you… you and I… need to be able to trust one another." He gives Daniel a smile, but he's still a creepy fucker.
"I know you're… upset, that we lost your backpack. I would be too." Damn right he's upset. Everything he had, was in there. How the fuck did they just lose it? He just got here.
"However, I did some digging, and I managed to find… this." Nicholas digs around a small bag he had hidden in that corner of his. He takes something out, holding it in front of Daniel to see. Instantly, he feels like he's been stabbed in the heart with a dagger. Again. Nicholas holds up a piece of red fabric, with the initials "C. S." written in white.
Chris's superhero cape. It hurts him, just looking at it. Chris, his best friend, and one of the lives he took. But it hurt him even more, thinking it was gone, forever. Maybe Nicholas isn't such a bad guy after all? Daniel gets up.
"No, Daniel. Not yet." He freezes on the spot. What the hell is it. It belongs to him.
"Now, at first… we planned to give this to you after you passed your first day here. Unfortunately… you did not. I'm afraid… you have to learn the hard way, my son." Daniel's starting to hyperventilate.
"What- what does that mean?" Does he even want to know?
"Remember what I said about trusting each other, Daniel?" He does. Daniel just gives him a nod in return.
"Then I want you to do something for me. Then, I will give you this… cape, back. Do you understand?" Ok, he's about ready to freak-the-fuck-out.
"I- I understand…" Please… nothing… like that. Just… please.
"I want you to close your eyes. Close your eyes, and do not open them until I tell you to. No matter what." Shit. This could be… bad. Ok, Daniel. As long as you're standing up, it's fine.
"Ok…" Daniel does as he's told. He closes his eyes. After a few seconds, he can hear a metallic sound, repeating itself a few times. He's heard that sound hundreds, if not thousands of times… he just can't place it. Then, he smelled something. Smoke. Then, he heard something. Fire. Flames.
No.
Please, no…
He opens his eyes, knowing he wasn't allowed to. Nicholas had pulled out a lighter, setting Captain Spirits cape ablaze. Barely anything remained, but it didn't stop Daniel from trying.
"NO!" He screams, running towards Nicholas. Usually, he would've just used his powers. But… they never do any good. Daniel runs, only to end up on the receiving end of a literal punch in the gut from the massive Nicholas. Daniel loses his breath and falls to the floor.
"I told you… to keep your eyes closed. I told you… to trust me. If you did, I would've trusted you. Now, look at what you've done…" Nicholas sounds so… calm. Still, his voice reeks of disappointment. Not anger.
"Stay down, on the floor. Think about what you've done!" Oh, fuck this. Daniel gets up. Slowly.
"Fuck… you!" He knows it's the wrong thing to do, to say. But he's just been robbed of the one thing he had from his best friend.
"Daniel… don't make me do this." Nicholas almost looks… sad. He punches Daniel again. And again. And again. Same spot every time. Right in the chest, where nobody will see. Daniel throws up on the floor. It hurts… so much.
"I'm going to give you a few things worth remembering, during your stay here. If you obey the reverend mother, work to rid yourself of your wrongdoings, everything will be fine. You will get everything you ever wanted. A loving family, the attention you need and seek, many friends your own age. However, keep going down this road… and we'll soon be meeting this way again. The lord needs all sinners to receive their rightful punishment. You wouldn't want to be a sinner, wouldn't you… son?" No. he really doesn't want to. He's crying.
"N- no, I'm sorry. Sorry." He's unable to get up, the pain being too much. Daniel's just lying there, whimpering excuses.
"Very good, my son. Now, clean that mess up!" Daniel's confused at first, then, he can see what Nicholas is pointing at. A pile of his own vomit. Great. Doing nasty vomit-cleaning, while in intense pain. He brought this upon himself.
After doing as ordered, he just wants to lie down, rest. But Nicholas points to the desk. Daniel doesn't really feel like he should question things anymore. A few minutes later, Lisbeth enters the room again to continue with their lesson.
"Well, Daniel… have we learned anything, in my absence?" She asks him.
"Y- yes, reverend mother. I'm sorry." He forces the tears back.
"I know you are, Daniel. I am too." The lesson continues for several more hours, with Daniel doing everything he could to pay attention.
After he's sent back to his room, he immediately goes to the bathroom, locking the door. He's got this feeling, that he can't get rid of. The feeling that… something's wrong. Very wrong. Maybe… it is? Neither his dad nor Sean would ever his him. Daniel himself, always believed it was wrong… hitting a child.
"But you never saw the things I've done, did you, dad?" He whispers to his mirror image. Daniel feels like he deserves all the bad that's coming to him. He did the exact opposite of what he was told to do. Again, he did it to himself. He splashes some water on his face. Still doesn't feel better. What about- oh, shit. Daniel, quickly runs for the toilet, throwing up. It hurt, so much it made him cry. Still, he didn't feel any better. He sighs, opening the bathroom cabinet, taking out the scissors.
"I- I don't know… what's wrong with me? Help. Sean? Dad? Anyone? Please…" He rolls up his sleeve, exposing the four scars across his wrist.
"I'm sorry, papito." He cuts himself, reopening the first wound.
"I miss you, Mushroom." Two.
"You were my best friend, Chris." Three.
"Sean… I miss being your Enano, big brother." Four times, he cuts himself. Then, closing his eyes, letting the tears flow. Tears of pain, both emotional and physical. His entire hand, red with blood. Daniel keeps telling himself this is only a temporary thing. At least, until Lisbeth's able to help him. Because, no matter how fucked up it may be, this… helps. He knows it isn't good, that it's dangerous, and just… fucked up. But since he feels just a little better, for a short while… he still does it. The question is, how long before someone finds out?
2 weeks later…
Daniel had been at Haven Point for about two weeks now. He still wasn't really feeling any better. Lisbeth told him that it would take time, and he must have faith. So he did. He believed in everything the reverend said, he did everything he was told to do. Without questioning. He didn't want another… meeting, with Nicholas. Yesterday, Daniel had cried. Out of disappointment, and worry. He had been told that Jake had left town again. Jake, who promised Daniel, never to leave him alone. But Jake's a sinner too. In many ways. Daniel hasn't been told why exactly, but everyone in the community seems disgusted by his name.
It felt… strange, being around the people here. Literally, everyone, knew about his powers, now referred to as his "holy gift." Nobody was afraid of him here, and he's starting to learn control. He's even made a friend or two. Sarah Lee, Jake's sister, is one of them. Daniel liked her, the first real friend he's had since… Beaver Creek. For that very reason, Daniel's both thrilled, and terrified of being near her at the same time. He feels like something bad always happens to the people he cares about. All that is… good. Some of it, even great. But it still doesn't change the fact that he still doesn't feel better. He's still… broken. Why? For how long?
At least people were good to him here. Ever since finding out about his holy gift, they all saw him as a miracle. Some, even referring to him as "the angel." He did, in a way, enjoy all that attention. It made him feel… special, the good kind, that is. Still, he missed Sean. So very, very much. But it didn't matter how sad he was, how much the guilt was weighing him down, he had to endure. Therefore, Daniel always kept a happy face on.
"First you must help others, then, you can help yourself. And if you're going to help other broken souls, you cannot look like one yourself." The wise words of the reverend. So Daniel kept a smile on his face, all day long. Then, as he closed the door to his room at the end of the day, he cried. He lied down and cried. Daniel hoped that today would be, at least a decent day.
Why?
Today is the 11th day of April.
… and what happens on April 11th, 2017?
Daniel Felipe Diaz turns ten years old. The big ten, double digits.
He had been told that "his presence is expected" at the community's dining room, five o'clock. The reason for it is obvious. He knew he should be happy. At least, someone's celebrating him. But he's in no celebrating mood. This entire day, he's only had one thought, echoing in his head.
"This is my first birthday without dad and Sean." He just felt empty. Although he's surrounded by people, loving people, he still feels more alone than ever before. He went towards the dining room, putting on his fake smile, preparing himself to fake being surprised. He sighed.
"This day's gonna suck- this day's gonna be bad, be bad." Cursing was absolutely forbidden. No excuses whatsoever. Daniel opens the door.
"SURPRISE!" As expected, all the kids in the community, along with Lisbeth and Nicholas was inside. He still didn't like Nicholas, there's something about him, something… dark.
"Oh… hey." Daniel can't even fake convincingly. He just stands there, silent. Sarah Lee runs up to him.
"Hi, Daniel! Happy birthday!" She gives him a hug, and then… a very brief kiss on his lips. It is unclear, which one of them blushed the most. Probably Daniel. Sarah Lee grabs his hand, dragging him into the room.
Looking around, he had to give them an "A" for effort, if nothing else. The entire room, that's painted in a sterile white color, so bright it almost hurts to watch? That room is now covered with everything from balloons to serpentines, all in the colors Daniel liked. Red and blue. He recognized the music, playing in the background. On Melancholy Hill, by Gorillaz. Sean's favorite song. Daniel used to hate it so much, back in Seattle. Now, he loved it. It felt like… nostalgia. Then, he smelled something. Pasta. Daniel had begged Lisbeth to try to cook him pasta, just to see if she could make it like his dad's special recipe. Apparently, this was the day. He saw tons of packages, carefully wrapped, and all for him. That's… more presents than he got in Seattle in nine years… combined.
Then, there's the cake. That Daniel liked- no, loved Chock-O-Crisp, wasn't exactly a secret. Lucky him, for once. Jake's mother worked at a bakery. She made him a special cake, covered with frosting. A frosting, made out of Chock-O-Crisp. At first, he felt actually… somewhat good, for a while. Eating, drinking, playing, and laughing. Yes, Daniel actually laughed. Then, it was time for him to cut the cake. The lights turned off, the candles lit, and the cake's put in front of him.
It had ten candles, and "Happy 10th birthday Daniel" was written on it. Everyone in the room saw that. Lisbeth saw it, all the other kids saw it, Sarah Lee saw it. Everyone, except Daniel. He only saw one candle. Just… one. A single candle for this, the first birthday, but not the last, he will spend without a father and brother. He freezes, unable to move. The entire room goes eerily quiet. All he can think of is… dad and Sean… should have been here with him.
"Daniel? Are you alright?" Lisbeth asks, filled with very real concern.
"I- I…" He can't answer. He doesn't even know what to say.
"It is alright, my son. Take your time. The lord will give you strength, in time." Lisbeth responds, putting a hand on his shoulder.
"I don't…" Daniel feels a lone tear, make its way down his face. Sarah Lee takes his hand.
"Hey, Daniel. It's ok. Don't think about any of that bad stuff now. This is a day of celebration, right? Come on, I know you can do it." He felt a lot… stronger, braver, holding her hand. With one quick breath, all the candles were out, and the party resumed. For a few hours, actually, quite many hours, he was able to forget. For the first time, in a very long time, Daniel could forget about his troubles, and instead… be a kid. The hours went by, and Daniel ran around, rediscovering parts of his personality he'd forgotten even existed, to begin with.
He ran around, playing, giggling, pretend-fighting with swords, making one or two friends levitate in the air when nobody was looking. Eventually, Lisbeth decides to call it a night for everyone. The presents Daniel didn't have time to open had been taken to his room by Nicholas. They were all there, waiting for him. All those presents. He sat on his bed, amazed. Just… the sheer amount. He opens one at random, "happy birthday, my son" it read. He recognized that handwriting, it's from Lisbeth. Daniel opens it. It's a crucifix, to wear around his neck, and- holy sh- nope. No swearing. Upon closer inspection, the crucifix is made of solid gold. This must cost a small fortune.
"Am I really worth that much…?" He whispers to himself. Next gift. "Hapy birthday Daniel! Luv u" Is that…? He opens it, inside is a drawing of himself and Sarah Lee. Daniel knew she liked him, but…
"She… loves me? Me? Can I… be loved?" He pretty much answers his own question, as he remembers what happened earlier. His first… kiss, well… kinda. She loves him, it seems. And everybody else her likes him and cares for him. Maybe- maybe this is home-
He can't even finish that thought. As soon as the word "home" ran through his head, he realized something. He hasn't thought of either his dad or his brother for hours. Many hours. Not even Chris or Mushroom. It's great that he had so much fun today because he really did. But at what cost? Is he… starting to forget… about his own family? Then again, he does want to move on… but not like this. He doesn't want to forget about them, it wouldn't be right. He feels so… confused, so lost. Daniel doesn't know what he wants anymore. He lies on his back, all filled up with cake, tired after hanging out with friends. Daniel lies in a king-sized bed, large enough for three adults. He's surrounded by presents. One of them being in solid gold. Another, from a girl who definitely loves him, and he… maybe… this should be every kid's dream, in a way. Daniel, however, is far from being "every kid." He just lies there, staring at the ceiling. He doesn't know when the tears came. Probably long before he noticed them being there. He felt terrible. A lot better, compared to when he got here. But still, completely fucking terrible.
One week later…
Daniel's nervous. Very nervous. He always liked getting attention. But never really been much for crowds. When he went to school in Seattle, the absolute worst thing to do was holding a speech in front of the class. He hated it. Now, even if he didn't have to speak, he still had to face a crowd. Lisbeth had told him, he's ready for the next step. Or, the first major step, towards being cleansed from sin.
He stood in a small room with Nicholas, awaiting his cue, while listening to the reverend mother speak. Her speeches were… impressive, captivating, almost. Daniel knew what was about to happen, what he was about to do. Did he have any doubts? Any private thoughts that maybe, someone around him is a traitor? Perhaps, but he didn't say it. Nor did he show it. Only he knew if those thoughts were there, or not.
"… I give you, the angel… Daniel!" On a more personal note, he had to admit that the name was a bit… too much. He's far from being an angel. But if people believe it… maybe he can too?
He walked out, finding the entire church filled with people. Immediately, he turns his eyes downwards, trying to focus on something else. Lisbeth finishes her speech and gives him the signal. Just like they've practiced.
It's showtime!
Daniel briefly looks over the crowd. His fake smile looking even cheesier than usual, courtesy of his new haircut. A haircut he's definitely not a fan of. But it was needed to "show the lord you're willing to change." Then, Daniel turns his back towards the crowd. Instead, focusing on the large cross at the front of the room. He slowly raises both his arms. He focuses only on the cross, not hearing the surrounding people at the moment.
As the cross is levitating at the center of the room, another part of Daniel comes back to life. The mischievous part of Daniel. Prank-Daniel. For a split second, he wonders how people would react if… the cross would, very quickly, be turned upside-down. For another split second, he's actually amused at the idea… obviously, he doesn't go through with it. He proceeds as planned, and then, he finally dares to look at the crowd.
It's silent. Completely… silent. Daniel's terrified. This is it. There's no salvation for him. He's about to become the antichrist. Two seconds later the entire place erupted. People were cheering, applauding, chanting his name, some were even crying in disbelief. Crying, but in a… good way. If that made any sense… Daniel couldn't help but feel… lighter, on the inside. Like a small part of his misery, had disappeared for good. A very, very small part. But a part nonetheless.
He's then escorted out by Nicholas, who tells him he did an amazing job. Is- is he… crying? Daniel had never seen Nicholas show emotions before, this was… unexpected. Now, as usual, he's back in his room. Alone. The other kids go to school. Regular school. He doesn't. It's not possible since he's wanted. However, Lisbeth teaches him here. She gives him homework too. At least, when he does something wrong. This one sentence… burned into Daniel's mind. Forever.
"Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. - Revelations 3:19"
luckily, he's more… behaved, now. But as Nicholas said, the road isn't easy. Every time Daniel did something wrong, said something bad, or in general, just misbehaved? He would write that sentence on paper. How many times? The first time, Lisbeth had told him "one hundred should be more than enough." Daniel, shocked at the amount, screamed out "ONE HUNDRED?!" Since then, every single time Daniel Diaz misbehaves, he's writing that sentence. On paper.
Three hundred and nineteen times, because Revelations 3:19.
"Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. - Revelations 3:19"
"Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. - Revelations 3:19"
"Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. - Revelations 3:19"
"Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. - Revelations 3:19"
Just seeing that book, a very thick book, on his desk, makes him feel sick to his stomach. But he's strictly forbidden to move it. He knows why. It took him a while, but he gets the message. Lisbeth loves him, but when he misbehaves, she rebukes it and feels that he must be disciplined. Therefore, Daniel should be earnest and repent. He's pulled out of his thoughts by a knock on the door.
"Yeah?" The door opens, and Sarah Lee comes in. She's not sounding… healthy, anymore. She coughs a lot, and can't run more than two seconds without being out of breath. Still, everyone, including herself, says she's not sick. Daniel feels… confused, and… worried.
"Hi, Daniel." She… doesn't look very good either. Pale as a ghost.
"Hi, Sarah. What's up?" He tries to ignore it. Tries, to not think about the time in the cabin when he was the sick one.
"Not much… I just… no, it's nothing. Forget it." It's something, alright.
"What? You can tell me, Sarah." Daniel really cares. About… everyone. He always has.
"It's just… I miss my brother. I miss Jake." Daniel doesn't know why, but he didn't expect to hear that. He did, however, expect to feel that sharp pain in his heart.
"Y- yeah. I- I miss my brother too. Your brother… might come back… one day. But… it's too late for me." It's true. No matter what reasons Jake had for abandoning his sister, he could still come back. Sean, could not. Now, they just sat there. Two friends, each of them, missing their brother. One comforting the other. Daniel felt so thankful for having kids his own age here.
"You'll be alright, Daniel. You'll be alright."
A few days later…
Another day, another miracle. He's almost got used to it now. The chanting crowds, the people looking at him, not in fear, but in awe. It's almost become an everyday thing. Those who watch him from the crowd, see a happy, proud, innocent, ten-year-old boy, radiating with self-esteem. The reality is very different. Behind the mask, Daniel's about to fall apart. Losing himself, who he used to be, and all he used to believe in. and he doesn't even know it himself. What he does know, is that he's not happy, he's sad. He's not proud, he's ashamed. Daniel sure as hell doesn't consider himself to be innocent, the cuts on his wrist prove that much. H is self-esteem is pretty much non-existent.
Daniel' s in his room, getting ready. Putting on the dreaded white shirt, and the even more dreaded fake smile. There's a knock on the door.
"Yeah?" He replies, not thinking… before it's too late. Lisbeth enters the room.
"Hello, Daniel. I just wanted to talk to you about-" She comes to an abrupt stop mid-sentence, and is completely frozen, right where she stands. Daniel's confused. Is she… having a stroke?
"Reverend mother? Is everything alright? What's wro-" He had raised his left hand. That's when he knew. Truly knew. He had fucked up.
Daniel hadn't pulled down the long sleeves of his shirt, meaning the four cuts on his wrist were now exposed. Also, they were… fresh. Yesterday…
No…
Shit!
Fuck!
"I- I… uh…" He doesn't even know what to say. Lisbeth seems to be having the same problem. At least, for a short while. She looks horrified by his actions. She grabs him by the wrist, that wrist, and almost drags him to the couch, sitting them both down.
"Daniel. Listen close, because I will only tell you this one time." He looked at the floor, full of shame. Why does he always screw things up?
"Daniel! Look at me!" He's only seen her mad once or twice before. It's a scary sight. And those times, it wasn't even him she was angry at. He looks her right in the eyes.
"Harming yourself is a terrible thing to do. It is a horrible, horrible sin. If you keep doing it… you cannot help anyone, Daniel. The lord does not look kindly to these types of things. You have to stop this immediately, or you will burn in hell for eternity. I do not want anything like this to happen again, ever! Do I make myself clear?" She sounds… almost vicious. But Daniel knew how badly he screwed up.
"Yes… reverend mother." He cries, nodding his head.
"Good! Now, clean up, and get ready. Twenty minutes, Daniel." Right now, he would almost… welcome death. Too bad Lisbeth took the scissors, and anything else sharp. He takes a few minutes to collect himself, cleans himself up, and then goes to the church.
A s always, he's awaiting his cue with Nicholas standing behind him. Nicholas looked at him, almost like he felt sorry for Daniel. Is he imagining things? He feels his hand on his shoulder.
"Don't do it, kid. I've been there… many, many times. I know it can be dark, and how relieving it would feel. It gets better. Trust me… give it time." This was a completely new side of Nicholas he's never seen before. His voice almost trembled as he talked. Daniel had no response, he just stayed silent.
"… the angel Daniel!" Same basic routine again. Lisbeth walking up to him, talking about how bad he was then, and how good he is now. He feels ashamed, turning his eyes to the floor, grabbing his left wrist. Daniel's given his cue and looks around the crowd. He looks around the seats, seeing Sarah Lee there, smiling at him. Daniel turns his eyes upstairs. For less than a second, he could have sworn that he saw a bald version of Sean stick his head out, watching him. But he's just imagining things. Sean's… dead. He focuses on the task at hand and does what he always does.
People chanting his name, applauding, all that shit. Today he doesn't care. At all. When everyone's left, he's alone with Lisbeth. As soon as he's completely alone, by himself, Daniel's more or less made up his mind. First chance he gets… he's going to… end it. Put a stop to his suffering, once and for all. Sure, he slowly makes progress here, he can admit that much. But… he can't take it. It's too much. Still.
"Daniel, you are the living proof, of their faith, and mine. You know that, right?" He barely pays attention, a dangerous move, if noticed.
"I guess so…" As he speaks, something else happens. The large door to the church opens, and two people enter. The first, Daniel immediately recognizes as Sarah Lee. The second? Kind of looks like that bald guy he saw on the top floor. Maybe he wasn't imagining after all. Wait… no. Is this… happening? Is he… real?
Sean.
His brother.
His dead big brother.
… was never dead?
"SEAN!" One of the five most important rules in the entire community was to never, ever, scream in the church. Daniel knew this, very well. Now, however, his mind just said "fuck it" and screamed out his big brother's name. So loud as he possibly could. Then, he ran. Daniel ran towards Sean, not even noticing how… different his appearance was. He continued to literally jump up, into his brother's arms. It took Daniel weeks to build up a mask he would wear in public, to make everyone think he's fine. It took Sean about one second, to tear that wall down.
"I missed you, Enano. So much." There. That's all he needed to hear today. "Enano" Fuck, he's missed his big brother so much. Daniel's crying, Sean's crying, but the wolfbrothers are back together. Nothing can keep them apart. Sean, after a while, sets his little brother down, while getting down on one knee.
"You've grown up, Enano." The same Sean… talking with him, as nothing bad ever happened. How he missed this.
"What? Do I really look older? I mean-" Daniel freezes. This is the first time he really gets a complete look at his brother. Sean's badly burnt, almost like he's… walked through the desert? Daniel can see how every small movement, even the slightest touch, gives his big brother incredible pain. His nose… broken. Again. But that's not even the worst part. Far from it. He looks at Sean's face. Where his brother's left eye is- or probably, used to be, is one single white dressing. Daniel immediately got a flashback to the last time he saw Sean. That… huge piece of glass, stuck… in his left eye. This could only mean one thing.
It's Daniel's fault.
It's Daniel's fault his brother's half-blind. He feels like throwing up.
"Did- did that… is that… because of… me?" He whispers, not daring to look at Sean. Before he even knows what happens, he feels something else familiar. Something he's also been missing. So. Fucking. Much.
"Daniel. It was an… accident. It's not your fault." Sean had pulled him into a tight hug, whispering into his ear. Just… being comforted by his brother when sad… he missed that. So much. He feels so much better already.
"Does it… hurt?" He feels like it's… ok, to ask Sean. Like it's one of those… moments. That nothing can ruin.
"Nah. Not as much as your haircut." Ouch. Talk about a punch below the belt. He's not wrong though.
"Shut up, it's… different. I… kinda like it." He missed it when Sean teases him, and he pretends to be hurt, or just the other way around. The haircut he doesn't like though. He just likes that it supposedly is one small step towards a pure soul. So, it's not exactly a lie. Therefore, it's not a sin.
"Sean… I- I thought you were dead. Dead. I really did. I didn't want to leave you there, but I had to. Sorry." He's sorry, but he's not crying. No. His brother's alive and can help him on his path to redemption. Daniel now sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
"it's ok, Enano. I don't blame you. We're together now, it's all that matters." Yes. Yes, it is.
"So… are you gonna stay with us now?" Daniel asks, full of excitement. Meanwhile, Sean twitched slightly.
"We… we still need to go to Puerto Lobos." No. Please, Sean.
"We don't have to. We have a new home now, Sean." He tries, so hard, to sell Sean the idea of Haven Point as their home. Deep down, Daniel's not even sure he believes it himself.
"One step at a time, Daniel. I'm sure this is all a bit… overwhelming." Lisbeth puts her hand on Daniel's shoulders, hinting that he should step back.
"So, you're Sean? Welcome. My name is Lisbeth Fischer, we all prayed for you." Please, Sean. Don't say anything stupid.
"Uh, hi." Sean shakes her hand.
"Your brother's stayed here for the past month. We've been taking good care of him." They have. He's only received… punishment… when he deserved it.
"Yeah, thanks for that. I mean it." Daniel can tell that he does.
"We have a lot of things to discuss. But first, I need Sarah Lee and Daniel, to grab the medicine kit. Sean here needs some aid." No. he just saw Sean after spending a month, thinking, knowing, that he was dead. He doesn't want to leave his side.
"Why? I wanna talk to him now." Daniel whines.
"Now, Daniel." That look… told him more than enough. He ran together with his friend, to a back room, grabbed a medicine kit, and then back. Unprepared for what awaited.
Daniel enters the room, seeing Lisbeth lying on the floor, moaning, like in pain. Sean stands right next to her. Daniel's not sure what to make of this situation.
"Sean?! What- what happened?" Sean's face, full of fear.
"Nothing, she… fell." Sean… you didn't?
"Enough! You have spilled blood in the lord's home." Lisbeth gets up, and yes, she's bleeding.
"Sean…?" Daniel's conflicted. More than ever. Loyalty to his brother, or to what's best for himself?
"Your brother came in here, impure, full of sins. But he can be saved too, Daniel." Lisbeth explains. And… she's right.
"I'm sorry, Sean. I… can't. I will pray for you. Then, when you're ready… we can…" It hurts Daniel, so much, having to say those words. He can't even look at his brother.
"She's trying to manipulate you, dude. Let's just get out of here!" Sean tries to grab Daniel's wrist, that wrist. He quickly pulls it away.
"I wanna… stay, Sean. Just… go. I'm… sorry." A lone tear slowly makes its way down Daniel's face. At this point, he doesn't care.
"We're together again, so we can go, right? Daniel? What- what happened to you… Enano?" Those words hurt Daniel, more than a thousand gunshots to the shoulder. What happened to him? Nicholas drags Sean out of the building while Daniel's forced to watch. Shortly afterward, Lisbeth goes with Nicholas to the backroom for a talk. Daniel's left alone with Sarah Lee. Daniel feels like he doesn't know right from wrong. Good from bad, high from low. Nothing. He's so conflicted, he's almost ready to explode. What the fuck even happened?
Sean was dead.
Then, he was alive. Everything was perfect, for five minutes. As usual, nothing ever lasts for him.
Sean's still alive, but… gone . Those five minutes… were so… perfect. All of his troubles vanished. Now, they're back, ten times worse. Daniel feels… hopeless. He falls to his knees, ignoring Sarah Lee asking him if he's ok or not. When he feels the tears coming, he collapses in a fetal position, at the center of the church. But he's not crying. He's completely silent. No heartbreaking sobs. Just silence… and an endless stream of tears.
Notes:
Quite a long chapter, this one. I think it starts off a bit "meh" but gets better as it goes.
A couple of notes: I know that I'm taking some liberties with dates, every now and then. This is a conscious decision, to have more freedom when writing. Larger time jumps=more time for character development.
Lisbeth is a difficult character to write. Interesting, but difficult. Like the way she always put a hand on someone when she really wants to get a message through to them.
Also, I wanted to show how bad, and good, it was for Daniel there. If everything was bad, he never would have wanted to stay. But he is being manipulated at the same time... So, he basically thinks that "be good and it's fine." But screw up, and there's hell to be paid.
Chapter 4: Cuts, Cults & Can'ts
Summary:
Daniel's inside conflict reaches its peak, as he's starting to get suspicious of the reverend's true intentions...
Notes:
The final chapter of episode 4. As before with this one, READ TAGS!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Later that night…
Daniel couldn't sleep. He didn't expect to either. Everything's a mess now. His entire world, turned upside down, for the tenth time. Sean was alive. This entire time and Daniel didn't know about it. Did he even bother to… find out? Did anyone in Haven Point know Sean was alive? No, that's just dumb. The reverend mother might be… very strict, at times, but she cares about him. She cares about him a lot. More than his real mother ever did. Still, it doesn't change how he feels right now.
The conflict inside him.
He feels like he failed Sean, by just "deciding" he was dead, and running away like a coward. Then, when Sean finally shows up, he might as well have spat his big brother in the face. What was he thinking? Was he even… thinking?
Then again, Sean didn't want to stay here. Daniel does. It's the only way he can be forgiven for his sins. His crimes. But now… the worst of those crimes, it didn't exist anymore. Sean never died, meaning Daniel never killed him. God, this is such a mess. He's not sure what made him feel worse. Believing he killed Sean, or, seeing Sean alive but half-blind, courtesy of himself, Daniel.
He remembers Sean's eye, pierced by that piece of glass, and the way he looked now. He sighs, getting out of bed and into the bathroom. Daniel looks at himself in the mirror. At least it's not a monster, looking back at him anymore. But it sure as fuck ain't no angel either. Another deep sigh. He opens the bathroom cabinet. Right… Lisbeth confiscated the scissors, and everything else sharp in the room.
"What- what's… wrong… with you? What's wrong… with… me?" He asks the person he sees in the mirror. Earlier today, he had made up his mind. He was done. It was time to end it. Daniel Felipe Diaz would take his own life. Tonight.
Enter Sean Eduardo Diaz.
Big brother.
Protector.
… and just awesome in general.
Daniel had no clue about anything now. He felt like he didn't have the strength, nor the will, to live any longer. Nothing gave him any joy. Except… Sean. Today. For about five minutes. He knew that moment had meant just as much for Sean, as it did to him. His brother never cried. Ever. Except for today. That was… probably the only thing… keeping Daniel from… going through with it.
Committing suicide.
Killing himself.
He knew it's easy for him to just break the mirror with his powers. Then, just use a piece of glass to… do it. Daniel considers it. The deepest, darkest corners of his traumatized mind, now being set free. Instead of repressed. After a few minutes, he hears a voice, inside his head.
"Do it." The voice tells him. Over and over again. He's starting to panic. Then, another voice speaks to him. This one is a very familiar one.
"Don't do it, Enano. You're gonna be ok. Just… trust me." The voice of his brother, Sean. Daniel closes his eyes, this is too painful. It can't get any worse. How tired is he, considering shit like this is going on? Either that or… he's officially going insane.
"Help me, Sean… I- I don't know what to do… help me…" Daniel whimpers, eyes closed, covering his face with his hands. He truly feels like this, whatever "this" is, can't get any weirder, or worse. As always with him, it can only get worse.
"I know what you're thinking, Hijo. It's not the way I raised you." That voice? No. Daniel knows, fully well, he's stuck in a hallucination, created by his own exhausted brain… but, his dad's voice. So… real. He immediately opens his eyes, almost expecting his father to stand in front of him.
"DAD?!" Nobody's standing there. It all becomes too much. Daniel falls back into the corner of the bathroom, sitting down, knees pulled up to his chest. He's sobbing silently. Trapped in a corner, both literally, and figuratively. Eventually, Daniel falls into a troublesome sleep.
Daniel wakes up. He hears something… nasty sounding. Aw, not again…
"Uhhh, yuck. Shroom, stop it." The puppy ignores him.
"Mushroom, cut it out!" Now, she finally stops licking his feet. Why anyone would do that, he doesn't know. Probably for the best. The little puppy runs off, back into the kitchen area. Daniel gets up, slowly. It's the first day of his summer vacation, meaning… no school! He walks out of his room, finding his father in the kitchen, making him breakfast.
"Uh… morning dad…" He's not fully awake, yet.
"Morning, Hijo. Breakfast is almost ready. Could you wake your brother up, please?" Oh… HELL YES!
"With pleasure, dad." Sean had been at a party last night, or… this morning. Daniel swears the sun was up again when he came home. Daniel, being the good brother that he is, grabs two steel pots from a cabinet, and heads for Sean's room. This… is the price Sean pays for getting wasted. He enters Sean's room… silently. He doesn't want to wake him… yet. Daniel carefully pulls up the curtain, letting in the sunlight. Sean's out cold, stinking like a brewery, and a pot farm. Daniel… he lives for these days.
"Sean…? Time to get up, big brother?" Daniel whispers, in the lowest tone he possibly can. Sean doesn't react. Oh, well… he did try… Daniel carefully climbs up to Sean's bed. As he stands above his brother's feet, he clears his throat and takes a deep breath, one steel pot in each hand.
"SEAN! SEAN! SEAN! GET UP! GET UP! GET UP!" Daniel screams, slamming the steel pots together, as hard as he can.
"WHATDAFUCK?! WHEREISTHEFIRE?!" Sean, somewhere in a gray area between hungover, and still being drunk, went from out cold, to panicked. Blinded by the extreme sunlight, deafened by the sound of steel against steel, and his brother screaming… he didn't know shit. He quickly rose up.
"Whattafuckshappening- ow, motherfucker!" Sean hit his head in one of the steel pots Daniel was holding and instantly fell back. Not exactly what he was intending, but he can work with it. Daniel throws away the pots, holds up his elbow, and slowly just… falls. Forward.
"SEEEEEEEEEEEEAN!" After hitting an elbow drop on his barely conscious brother, Daniel knows it's time to go.
Good morning, Sean. Happy hangover! Dad says breakfast is ready!" He runs away, only hearing groaning in response. When back in the kitchen, Daniel can both see, and hear, his father laughing.
"I did try to just… tell him to get up, you know…" Daniel says, but his dad just smiles.
"Hey, Superwolf." What the- oh, right. Chris. His new neighbor. When the hell did he get in?
"Hi, Chris. I didn't hear you come in." Weird…
"Yeah, I wonder why…?" Ok, maybe not… that weird. Daniel sits down next to Chris, Mushroom lies on the floor between them. Esteban gives both some food. Then, they hear slow… heavy… painful, footsteps.
"Hey! Good morning, my son. How are you on this beautiful day?" Their father, taking the opportunity to piss off the hungover Sean, even more.
"Uh… kill me. Please." Everyone else just laughs. Sean takes a plate, sitting down next to his little brother.
"Laugh while you can, you little shit… three more years or so, and I will do the same thing to you. Only… a lot worse." Sean's pissed. But not genuinely pissed. Daniel always liked that part of his brother. Now, Esteban sits down with them. As they eat and talk, Daniel realizes something.
Something feels… off. He's not sure why.
His father, Sean, Chris, and Mushroom are all at the same table. In Seattle. Why did this feel so wrong?
"Is there something wrong, Hijo?" His father asks, sounding concerned. There is, but he doesn't know… what.
"I- I… don't know, dad." Daniel responds, silently.
"I think I know, Daniel." Chris says, turning towards him. He always knew. Seriously, always.
"You feel guilty, Daniel." Chris's voice turns serious.
"Guilty, because you… killed me." What the hell is he talking about? But no matter how much he denies it, the memories… are starting to come back. Piece… by… piece.
"Or maybe, Hijo… you feel bad because you got me killed? Me. Your own father. Papito." Esteban's voice's filled with hurt. Fuck… Daniel just heard a gunshot, somewhere.
"What about little Mushroom here? You let her out, Enano. She died, because of you…" Sean says. Daniel's unable to speak. Unable to even breathe.
"Then… you made me half-blind, leaving me to die, in the middle of nowhere, Daniel. I thought I was your brother… I… really did." Sean's crying. Daniel looks at everyone around him. They all stare at him, disappointed.
"I- I'm… s- sorry." He stutters, barely getting the words out.
"It's too late, Hijo. It's… too late." Esteban tells him. Then, it all happens simultaneously. He sees his father get shot, Chris getting hit by that car. Daniel sees and hears, Mushroom getting torn apart by the cougar, and he can see Sean, with that piece of glass in his eye.
"NOOO!" Daniel wakes up screaming, covered in sweat. He's still in the bathroom. In that corner. Trapped.
"I can't… do this anymore…" He looks at his wrist. The cuts are still… fresh? Is that what you call it? Lisbeth was so mad when she found out. She must be so worried about him. Still, she had grabbed his wrist so hard, three of the cuts started to bleed again. The only one not bleeding, was Sean's. Daniel just sat there, not moving. He didn't go back to bed. No way that he's risking another hellish nightmare like that. His entire body ached when he heard a knock on the door. It was Nicholas.
"Daniel? Time to get up, son." Daniel doesn't respond, he's not sure why.
"Daniel? You in here?" No. Daniel's dead. At least… in spirit.
"Daniel, I'm coming in, ok?" Whatever…
After some searching, Nicholas finds Daniel, in the corner of the bathroom. Daniel looks absolutely terrible. Nicholas comes to a halt and gets down on one knee.
"Listen… I know it must be… difficult, for you now. But you have to understand, Daniel… your brother… he's not like us. He's… dangerous. Your brother's a… murderer, Daniel. I don't expect you to believe me, because your brother probably never told you… but please believe me when I say, we only want to help." Wait… what? Sean's no killer. Daniel is.
"Sean… never hurt anyone." Daniel whimpers.
"I know you want to believe that, my son. But your brother… killed a police officer." Now, wait just a minute?! He told Lisbeth the truth, the real truth. That he, Daniel, was the one who killed officer Matthews. Did she… lie… to Nicholas about that? And did Nicholas just expose the lie, without even knowing it? Daniel's mind was racing. Are they- are they trying to… keep him and Sean… away from each other? No. he's hallucinating again. They wouldn't do that. Still, Nicholas doesn't know the real truth. The reverend mother always speaks about honesty… he feels more conflicted now than ever before.
"I- I know…" He doesn't know why he says it, it's as if he's programmed to do so. Either way, it fucking hurt him…
"Good, Daniel. Good. Now, get ready. One hour until your private class with the reverend mother begins." Great. He's been sitting here for hours. No sleep, no anything. He's exhausted. This is gonna suck.
"Ok." He gives a short reply, and Nicholas leaves him to it.
As he sat in the dining room, he noticed something was… different today. Usually, everyone adult and child greets him. The adults bless him, the kids want to sit next to him at the table. Now, he sits alone. Not at the table, but in the entire room. Where was everyone? The few people outside had seemed to be… on edge. Someone whispered about a "madman" being in the area. Whatever that meant, Daniel didn't know. Either way, he's most likely seen worse. He doesn't eat much, he rarely does these days. Then, he goes to the church, to his private class with the reverend mother.
His private classes usually took place in one out of two locations. Either in the main room of the church itself, or a backroom. A backroom that only three people in the entire community were allowed to enter. Lisbeth, Nicholas, and Daniel. The classes in the backroom were ok, at best. He didn't want to admit that he felt bored. It was sinful, he had been told. Many times. There, Lisbeth would either read him scripture or talk about the next "step" in the path to help both himself and others. It was boring, but most of the time, all he had to do was pay attention. Eight hours of attention.
The classes in the main room were sometimes a bit… creepy. He hated that he felt that way. But it really was that. Creepy. Lisbeth had once had one hundred candles lit inside the room. Then, she told Daniel to kneel at the altar. He would use his "divine gift" to slowly move every candle, high above until they all formed a massive cross. Daniel had to admit it, he learned to control his… gift, here. He truly did. But that kind of stuff? It really freaked him out… still, he pretended as nothing happened. For the greater good.
By the look of things, today's class is of the creepy kind. Just what he needed today.
"Hello, Daniel. How are you feeling today, my son?" Maybe a little better after being called "son" but still terrible.
"I just… miss Sean. I miss him a lot, reverend mother." He looks down, grabbing his wrist.
"I understand it is difficult, Daniel. But in time… you will understand. And I am sure, you will do the right thing. Now, come." The right thing? Understand? Is he really imagining it? He walks after Lisbeth to the altar.
"Kneel, my son." He did. There's a shitload of candles in here. Great. Wonderful. Hall-e-fucking-lujah!
"You know what to do, Daniel. Now, close your eyes." He does as he's told. The candles begin levitating, and he feels Lisbeth's hand on the top of his head. She whispers to him.
"Today, Daniel… I believe that I am acting in accordance with the will of the Almighty Creator." Ok, those words… really gave him chills. Lisbeth clears her throat and begins.
"O' Lord, let your power speak through this young vessel! I am your humble servant and will obey your every command!" Her speeches were always… powerful. Daniel can faintly hear the sound of the large door opening, then closing quickly. Weird, nobody's allowed here during… this. He can hear a female voice, one he's not familiar with. He can't make out any words though.
"Speak to me, Lord!" Lisbeth continues… Daniel gets this feeling. Something telling him, he should see who entered the room. He knows, out of experience, what can happen if he opens his eyes. But he risks it anyway. He takes one quick peek. The first thing he sees?
Sean.
Big brother.
He hasn't abandoned him, after all.
"Sean! Sean! You came back! I knew it!" Daniel quickly sets down all the candles, running for his brother.
"Enano! Little cub… come with me, Daniel. We're leaving." Sean… don't do this. Just… please… don't.
"I'm sorry, Sean. I- I can't." He needs to stay here.
"You can't because you don't want to, or… because you're not allowed to, Enano?" Daniel froze. Sean knew him. He could see when he's afraid, or sad, or… anything. Even when Daniel didn't see it himself. Is Daniel… allowed… to leave? If he wanted to, that is.
"I- I- uh…" Daniel's at a loss for words. Within a second, he feels two very firm hands on his shoulders. Lisbeth. She squeezes his shoulders so hard, it's really painful. No place to argue, he steps back.
"Daniel has made his decision, Sean. I would offer you to stay here, but I have already seen what kind of person… you are. I want you to leave this sanctuary, right now." She sounds completely calm. Compared to Sean, who's getting more and more frustrated.
"I'm not leaving… without my brother… my Enano." Every time he heard the word "Enano" he felt like crying. But he forced the tears back.
"I- I- I'm sorry, Sean. But I have to- I need to stay here. This is my home now." In his head, he was screaming those words. In reality, he almost whispered them, not being able to even look at his brother as he spoke. Then, he grabbed Lisbeth's hand.
"I- I have a… mother, here, Sean. Do you really want to… take that away from me?" His voice was failing him. The tears are about to come. But he fights back.
"Daniel, she's not your mother!" What the- he hadn't even noticed the woman, standing next to Sean. With so much going on, he just… missed her. He's never seen her before, but she looks… familiar, somehow. Daniel just can't place her…
"Sean? Who is she…?" Daniel asks, voice shaking. A memory, somewhere at the back of his head. He had a photo in his room, in Seattle. A photo of a woman with long, blonde hair and gray eyes. A photo of his mother, Karen. The mother he's never met. Something clicked inside his mind. Is this… no. Can't be. He quickly drops it.
"It's our mother, Enano. She came here… for you. She came back… for you." Daniel's mouth drops wide open.
What the fuck?
What the actual fucking fuck?
No way.
This isn't happening.
This isn't real…
For ten years, all Daniel Felipe Diaz had wanted, was to give his mom a hug. Then, maybe ask her "why?" Now, with his mother standing right in front of him, he's not sure what to do. He feels Lisbeth's hands again, now, more soft and comforting.
"I told you, Daniel. The Lord works in mysterious ways. It's ok. Go and see her… she's right there." Lisbeth says, then lets him go.
"I- I don't… know her…" It's true. It breaks him to admit it, but it's true. Even if that is his real mom, she doesn't feel like his real mom. Still… why would she be here, if she didn't care? So many thoughts, running through his mind.
"I know this is hard for you, my son-" Lisbeth's interrupted by Karen.
"STOP calling him that. You're just manipulating him.
"That's in the eye of the beholder, perhaps… but what did you, their own mother, do to help? What did you do, as your children were starving, homeless, living their lives in sin? Nothing. You did nothing. I helped young Daniel. He was brought here, with a gunshot wound, and I helped him. I have taken great care of this child, providing him with all that he needs. Which is more than you ever have done, and will do… Karen." She seemed a bit stunned that Lisbeth knew her name, but Karen quickly shook it off.
"Daniel, listen. I came here as soon as I found out you were alone. I knew I had to help." She sounds almost… desperate.
"I'm… not alone…" He's not entirely sure that he believes that himself. He's surrounded by people who love him, cares about him. And yet, he feels more alone than ever. The reverend mother and his mother talk back to each other, while Daniel's stuck inside his head. What's happening? What's he going to do?
"Daniel, she's responsible… for what happened to your father, and everything that followed." Wait… how- how could she? Daniel feels like… that doesn't… make sense. Karen seems to agree…
"You don't know what happened. It was an accident, Daniel. An accident. Accidents happen. It's what this world is about. I'm just sorry… I know I hurt both of you by leaving. I just hope we can… talk about it… like a family. I did it with Sean. Wasn't easy… for either of us… but we both needed it. You do too, Daniel." He's at a complete loss of words… again. Sean… speaking with Karen. About… Karen. Almost unthinkable.
"I- don't… I-" Lisbeth takes over… again.
"Daniel, this time the choice is yours to make. You can stay here, and let me help you repair your damaged soul. Or, you can leave… with them. Your mother, who might leave you again tomorrow. And your criminal big brother, the very reason you ended up here, to begin with." Shit. So much happening at once. He can't think, he can't breathe.
"You see? You can't temp Daniel from this garden. This is his true home. A home that he will never leave." Lisbeth speaks before Daniel's able to get a word out. Then, something snapped in his big brother's head.
"Shut the fuck up! Come on, Enano. We're leaving." Daniel barely registered what was happening, still stuck inside his own head. All he noticed, was someone grabbing his left wrist, the one with all the cuts. He acted on pure instinct.
"NO, STOP!" He screamed, pushing that someone back with his powers. Then, he realized that "someone" was Sean. Fuck. Neither Daniel, nor anybody else, seemed to notice the one candle he knocked over, or how it set the drapes on fire. The doors open, and Nicholas enters. This just gets better and better.
"Reverend? Are you alright?" He shouts. Daniel doesn't hear the answer Lisbeth gives him. He's scared. Very, very scared. He just knows that… something bad is about to happen.
"I'm not leaving you in this place, Enano." Sean moved slowly towards him. Nicholas moved in front of him, pushing him back. So hard that Sean fell. He immediately got up.
"Hey, Enano? Your friend? Sarah Lee? She's very sick, and Lisbeth forbids her parents to take her to the hospital. She will die, Daniel. Die." That can't be true, right? But… Sarah Lee is sick. He's seen it himself.
"What? Reverend mother, is that… true? Really?" No, she would never do that.
"Do not believe his lies, Daniel. Your friend is fine." Fine? She's not fine. Is Sean… right?
"Think about everything Claire and Stephen said about god, Daniel. What do you think they would have said about this place? They are religious people, but they're good. This… reverend, is only using you, Enano." Claire wouldn't have liked it here, that much is true. But then again, Claire doesn't really like anything.
"Daniel… when was the last time you were outside this community? Have you ever been outside it since getting here? She's cutting you off from the world." No. he hasn't. For… good reason.
"At least here… I'm not hurting anyone. Nobody sees me as a monster anymore…" Now, the tears are coming.
"Daniel, nobody ever saw you as a monster. Nobody… except you, Enano." Even Sean's about to cry.
"Enough of this! Sean, it is time for you to leave! Now!" Lisbeth's angry. She gives Nicholas a signal. Daniel knows what's about to happen. He's been there. Still, it doesn't make it any easier to watch. Probably the opposite.
"This is no place for you Enano- AH!" Nicholas punched Sean in the face. His brother fell backward, bleeding from his nose. Daniel's instantly his with guilt. He did this to Sean. He hurt Sean… again. What the fuck is wrong with him? Sean gets up, clearly in pain, with blood pouring down his face.
"You shouldn't be here, little brother. It's- it's not safe." He almost begs Daniel. It breaks him, thousand times over.
"It's… fine. We've been to worse places since we left Seattle." Humboldt, being one of them.
"I'm your brother, Daniel. I know you better than that. You always look at the floor when you're lying, or, when you're afraid. And how you can't give me a real answer as to why you want to stay… you probably don't know for sure if you want to. And the way you're constantly holding you're wrist? Do you know who did the same thing, Enano? Chris Eriksen. And you know what his dad did to him right?" FUCK! There were no hiding things from Sean.
"Are they hurting you, Enano?" Daniel doesn't move or talk. He just… looks down.
"Are you hurting my brother?!" Sean screams. Then, Daniel looks up as he hears another sound. Actually, four of them. Nicholas hits Sean four times. His big brother's bleeding, from both nose and mouth. Daniel wants to scream.
"Please, stop. He's my brother." He's held back by Lisbeth.
"Your brother must learn… no matter the cost, Daniel." What… does that mean? Daniel watches in horror, as Sean stands up on wobbly legs, bends over to throw up blood, but not giving up.
"I know I wasn't always a good brother, Daniel. I was… I was an asshole. I took you for granted, I lied to you, I've broken more promises than I can count, and I put you in danger. I'm sorry, Daniel. About everything. I tried my best, and I failed. All I can do now… is fight for you." He would have given anything to hear Sean say that back in Humboldt. Now, he's not sure. About… anything. On one side, Sean. The brother he looks up to. More than anyone else on the planet. The brother who's failed him, and lied to him, countless times, causing him so much pain. But never seems to give up on him.
On the other side, the reverend mother. The one who's been helping him for the past month. Learning him to control his powers, and how he can be free from sin. Sure, she's a bit… harsh. But only when he… deserves it. Right?
"Sean…" It's all he can say at this point.
"If it were up to me, the wolfbrothers would be home, in Seattle. Dad… would get us pizza, and snacks. We would watch a movie… but dad would choose it because we always argued about it. And he always… picked your movie… Enano. And I… would always give you that last piece of Chock-O-Crisp… just to see you happy. But we can't have that. But it doesn't mean I will leave you here!" God. This is too much. Daniel just wants to run… out… anywhere. Just… not here.
"Quiet! What are you waiting for?" Lisbeth screams at Nicholas, the latter pulling out a gun as he walks towards Sean. Shit. Daniel knew he was creepy. But he never saw a gun. This is… bad.
"Don't- don't move!" Nicholas's voice is shaking like he's… afraid. Something Daniel's never seen in that man. Fear. It just felt… off. Everything about this situation seemed off. Beating up a defenseless minor… in church? Claire would disapprove.
"You wanna kill me? Go ahead! I'm not afraid. But you are…" Holy shit, Sean. His brother, sounding ice-cold, as he stands there, gun pointed at his face. And he's doing all this… for him? Why would the reverend mother hurt someone he cares so much about? Unless-
"Go ahead! SHOOT!" Lisbeth screams. Oh, tell me you did NOT just say that?!
"STOP!" With one quick wave of his arm, Nicholas lies at the corner of the room, unconscious. Daniel breaks away from Lisbeth's hold, in more ways than one. He runs towards Sean.
"SEAN! I'm… so sorry. I- I was so… confused. I- I don't know-" He doesn't know what to say, and Sean gets it. He just hugs him. There are a thousand different things running through his brain at the moment, but it has to wait. They need to get out of here.
"Sean, Daniel… we have to go. Now." Karen. Mother. Mom. Mommy.
Ten years, he's waited for this. He lets go of Sean, turning towards his mom.
"MOM!" He calls out, over a decade of emotions in a short simple word, as he hugs his mother. Real mother, for the first time in his life. At age ten.
"It's… good to see you too, Daniel. But… we really should go now." He looks around and holy-shit-the-whole-place-is-on-fire! Yep, time to go. They helped Sean get up, and turned to the exit. Someone was blocking their path.
Lisbeth.
"Oh, no… you're not getting out of here! As god as my witness, you shall not leave this place while I am still breathing!" Daniel saw her in a completely different light now. How the actual fuck this happened, to begin with is for later, but now… now he saw her for what she really was.
Manipulative.
Selfish.
Corrupt.
Greedy.
Just to name a few…
it made him boil on the inside. Lisbeth deserved to see Daniel for what he… really was. All that pain she caused him, on the inside and outside. All the physical abuse, the lies, it made him so… angry. Lisbeth deserved to meet the other side of Daniel Diaz. Felipe The Freak, Daniel The Demon, The Evil Enano...
"Yep, bitch gonna die!" He thinks, and walks forward, slowly. Time for the reverend... to meet the monster.
"Daniel… after everything I've done for you… it's not too late… to repent." He stares at her. His eyes, glowing with anger and hate.
"You…" He says, eyes full of tears. Daniel slowly stretches out his right arm, lifting Lisbeth in the air, watching, as she's slowly choking to death. Daniel felt like nothing could change his mind now. She would die, a slow, painful death. And Daniel would watch every second of it. Seeing the pain in her eyes, since she's unable to scream. Then, he feels a familiar hand on his shoulder.
"Enano. Don't do it. I know you're angry and sad. You have every right to be. But… don't do it. She's… not worth it. Without you… she's nothing, Daniel. Nothing." Daniel takes a deep breath. Fuck. Sean's right. He's right. He lets her go, not caring that much about the height he dropped her from. She'll live… probably.
They finally left the church, as it burned to the ground. Karen, a returning mother, was in shock at what she just witnessed. Sean, a beaten, bloody mess, barely able to stand for himself. Daniel, crying out of both sadness and joy. Reunited with his family, but realizing the disturbing truth about Haven Point… is a lot to take in at once. Nobody says a word. Then, they all stopped. Someone screamed.
"NOOO!" Looked like Nicholas and Lisbeth made it out. She's actually… trying to get back… inside? Nicholas turns his head towards them, looking… heartbroken, almost. Daniel's had enough. Lisbeth may have given the orders, but he's the one who… did it. To him, and Sean.
"Hey, asshole!" Daniel gets his attention, then lifts him high in the air. However, he's not choking him.
"You hurt… me. You hurt… Sean. Nobody… hurts my family." Except himself, apparently. He then drops him. Nicholas landed slightly badly, which may or may not have been intended... This resulted in him breaking his leg. Daniel just watched him, unable to get up, crying in pain. Just like he did, that day, when Nicholas beat the shit out of him. Karma's a bitch. He closes his eyes, taking a few deep breaths. Then he turns around, opening his eyes. He never wants to see this place, ever again.
They met Jake and Sarah Lee outside of town. To say their goodbyes and all that shit. Daniel's glad they got her out of there. He never wanted anything bad to happen to her. Jake had told him he had been forbidden from seeing Daniel, which is why they haven't seen each other. Daniel believed him. But to be honest, he's a bit upset at Jake. Why the hell did he bring him here? Why? Guess it's a story for a different time…
"Hey, Sarah…" Daniel sucked at goodbyes. Just like Sean.
"Hi, Daniel." Oh, right. She's not always the… talkative type.
"So… I guess this is it, huh?" He says, sadly. It sucks. Yet another friend he's forced to leave behind.
"Don't worry, Daniel. We can still keep in touch. Jake said he would help me. I'm sure Sean can help you too." He hopes so.
"I… I'll like that." Daniel says, before giving her a hug.
"Goodbye, Sarah. I lo- I'll miss you." Fuck! You fucking coward!
"Bye, Daniel. You too." They part ways, perhaps forever, as Daniel sits in the back of the car. His mother's car. Karen's driving, and Sean's sitting in front of him.
"You should have told her, Enano." Daniel's caught off guard.
"Huh? Told her what?" Daniel's not following.
"Like I said, dude… I know you. And… you know me. You know what I'm talking about. I've been there. It sucks. Still, you should have said it." Mother of all fucks… is there nothing, his brother will not see? Daniel both curses it and loves it at the same time. He doesn't answer. Instead, he just leans forward, carefully putting his arms around Sean's broken body. He can feel Sean grabbing his hand, neither brother wanting to let go again. Ever.
Eventually, they arrive at a cheap motel, far from Haven Point. Sean and Daniel walk inside the room, while Karen goes out to do some shopping. Now, one thing echoed in Daniel's head.
"SEAN! Can you please cut my FUCKING hair, bro?!" Sean might have been in a lot of pain, but he had to laugh at that. Also, Sean's terrible at cutting people's hair, just ask Lyla. But anything's better than… whateverthefuck this is. Daniel felt… uncomfortable, seeing scissors again. That, he could admit. But afterward, he felt like a new kid again. He looked himself in the mirror. Not great, not terrible, but… better. So much better. He turned to Sean, who had a very serious look on his face.
"Enano. We need to talk. Come here, sit down." Sean smiles at him. No. he doesn't know.
"Daniel. In the car… I saw… those… those… cuts… on your arm. Did- did they do that to you?" Fuck! Fuck. Daniel's entire body starts to shake. He can't answer. He just shakes his head, slowly. Daniel can hear how Sean's struggling to stay calm, not because he's angry… but because he's… worried. Terrified. Horrified.
"Did- did you… do it… Daniel? Did you… hurt yourself?" Tears, lots of them. So far, only from Daniel. He nods.
"Can I… take a look?" Daniel quickly pulls his arm away.
"Enano. I'm not mad at you. No matter what happened, I am not mad at you. I am your brother. You know me, I'm Sean. You know I would never do anything to hurt you. Please, Daniel, let me… take a look." Daniel slowly gives Sean his left arm. He can feel Sean rolling up his sleeve, with great care. Daniel closed his eyes, he couldn't watch this. He didn't know how Sean would react, but he knew it wouldn't be good. He can hear Sean's breathing, how it's becoming faster and faster. Still, no one speaks.
Then, he felt Sean quickly just dropping his arm. Daniel opened his eyes. Sean's sitting with his face buried in his palms, crying. Like, really crying. Painful sobs. Daniel didn't know what to do.
"What- what the fuck, Daniel? Why- why would you do that… to yourself? Why, Enano?" This is… scary. He's never seen Sean like this. His big brother seems horrified, heartbroken, and scared. All at the same time. He didn't even cry like this after Daniel found out about dad. He scoots closer to Sean, leaning on his shoulder.
"It's ok, Sean. We're gonna be fine, big brother. We're gonna be fine. I promise." A promise he very much intended to keep.
"God, Enano… that- that looks… real bad. I think we gotta clean it, man." All four wounds do look… awful. He looks at them, they almost seem… infected. Shit. He quickly pulls his sleeve down as Karen comes back.
"Sorry, a shitload of people out, this time of day. Got you some food. Sean, I got you the eye stuff you needed, and the other stuff… for… you know…
"She knows, Enano. She saw it too." Great. The mom he just met knows he… does this.
"I'm gonna be… outside, boys. So you can… get it over with, ok?" Might as well…
"Ok, Enano. We need to clean those… wounds. Come on." Daniel follows Sean to the bathroom. His brother takes a small bag with him, something Karen must have bought. Sean takes out some gauze, alcohol, and a bunch of stuff. Daniel's got a feeling he's not going to like this.
"Daniel, I have to clean those wounds. And… they're infected, so it's… it's gonna fucking hurt, bro. But I have to do it." Aw, shit. Daniel just nods, watching Sean open that bottle of alcohol. Just… breathe.
"OW! YOU MOTHERFUCKING FUCKER!" Yep. It hurt. Like hell. It was a slow process. Sean wanted to do a thorough job, so Daniel didn't have to suffer any longer. When Sean finally finished, Daniel's covered in sweat. It hurt so fucking much. His brother puts some gauze around his wrist and gives him a pat on the back.
"There. It's done, Enano." Fucking finally. Daniel goes out of the bathroom and sits down on the bed. Sean sits right beside him.
"So, do you wanna… talk about it?" Fuck. He knew it was coming. Didn't make it any easier though.
"I- I don't even know why… I did it. I just… did. And for a while, just… a few minutes, everything felt… better." Daniel always knew it was wrong to hurt himself. But this is the first time he's ever spoken about it. Now he realizes how fucked up he's been in Haven Point. Sean sighs, taking a deep breath.
"Why- why are there four cuts, Enano?" Daniel suspects that his brother already knows why.
"Dad… Mushroom… Chris… and you. It just felt… right. Like I… deserved it." Daniel feels his brother's arms around him.
"Don't ever think like that, Daniel. You're not responsible for what happened. And you never… deserved… that shit, Enano. I love you, little brother. Please, don't ever scare me like this again. Promise me." Sean doesn't sound angry. He's almost begging Daniel to believe him. He doesn't have to beg.
"I- I promise, Sean." Both brothers, embracing one another. The wolfbrothers are back together, reunited. As they said, nothing can keep them apart. Not the FBI, not any crazy cult leaders, nothing. Neither of them, at the moment, cared about what lied ahead. Is it Puerto Lobos, the tropical paradise? Swimming in the ocean, and being free? Or, was it a prison for one wolf, while the other wolf entered the prison known as foster care? Maybe none of those. Maybe all that awaited them, were more agony and death. The question was, for whom? Agony and death for the wolfbrothers, or the hunters? A question… they didn't give a shit about right now. The wolfbrothers had finally been reunited.
And that…
… Is what truly mattered.
Notes:
So, that's the end of episode four. It's been a difficult one to write, but an interesting one as well. I'm not religious, like AT ALL, so I don't have much insight into religion. Lisbeth's been an... interesting character to write. Manipulative on the inside, kind on the outside, as long as she gets things her way. Getting into Daniel's mind is also a big topic in this episode, how he was treated in Haven Point, and how it affected him.
Note: When Daniel's at his "special class" and Lisbeth says the whole "I'm acting in accordance with the will of the almighty creator?" That scene, that line? I so badly, so very badly, wanted something... anything, from a crazy real-life cult leader, or cult. But I could not for the life of me, find anything that would fit. Then I literally stumbled on that line... where's that quote from, you ask?
It's from "Mein Kampf" (lol). Seems kinda fitting for Lisbeth...
Also, I know everyone's probably not too fond of the idea of Daniel hurting himself. But it felt... I dunno, like it just fit there. I promise, the kid will get a bit of a break in the final episode.