WhIP

by footfungus

nederlands verhalen over mijn otp

113. Life is Strange 2 Sean and Daniel 22

The Sinner & The Saint

Svenne14

Summary:

The blast at Merrill's left the wolfbrothers badly wounded. One more than the other. Now, one of the brothers is about to wake up. How will he react, and more importantly, what will he do?

Notes:

Inspired by The Wild Ones by Pavan336

READ FIRST!
It is STRONGLY RECOMMENDED that you read parts 1, 2 & 3 of these series before you read this.

That being said, read tags and enjoy!

Chapter 1: The Cross

Summary:

Sean has made many mistakes. But never anything like this. What has he become?

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Parts unknown…

Sean's sitting on a bench, looking at the view. It should be a great, beautiful forest, as far as the eye could see. A warm lake, inviting him for a swim, and animals doing what animals do. But neither of those things lies in front of him. Everything in his field of view is just white. Like he's been locked into a small room with nothing but white walls to look at. There's nothing here. Just him, a bench, and the figure sitting next to him.

Daniel.

Sean's uncertain why, but he avoids looking in his brother's direction. Just thinking about it, creates a massive wave of guilt in his chest. Each brother looks straightforward, not moving an inch.

"I'm so sorry, Daniel." Sean doesn't even know why he says it. He just felt like he needed to. In the corner of his eye, he could see Daniel turning towards him.

"I trusted you, Sean. For ten years, I trusted you. You- you were supposed to protect me." Sean could hear his little brother crying. But for reasons he did not understand, he could not look at him.

"I'm so sorry, Enano. I- I messed up everything." He feels devastated, but his voice sounds like this is just a normal conversation.

"It's too late for that, Sean." The change in Daniel's tone made Sean turn to face him.

"What- what do you mean?" What's he talking about?

"You swore to keep me safe from all the evils of this world, Sean. But you didn't see the true evil I needed protection from." Sean can't take his eyes off his little brother as Daniel begins to cry, not tears, but blood. Steady streams of blood, pouring out of each of his eyes, down across his face.

"What- wh-" He can't even speak. Hell, even if he could, he wouldn't know what to say.

"You killed me, Sean. I'm your little brother. Or at least, I used to be. Why, Sean? Why did you kill your Enano?" Sean wants to run, or scream, or- ANYTHING! But he can't.

"S- s- sorry…" A barely audible word.

"It's too late for apologies, Sean. Nothing can save you. Nothing, and no one. You're just like our father." Sean watches in horror as his little brother falls to the ground, dead.

The camp — a few hours after the brothers clashed…

Sean slowly began to regain his consciousness. Shit. This hangover's easily the worst one yet. His head hurts like hell. Now when he thinks about it, his entire body hurts like hell. He can taste blood, but all of his remaining teeth- yep, still there. His lip feels intact. He tries to move, only for a chainsaw to nearly cut open his chest. At least it felt like it. His ribs, something's wrong, very wrong. Also, is that… smoke? Yeah, something's on fire. Sean struggles but manages to open his eyes.

He can't see shit, waking up on his stomach like a dumbass. Had Daniel seen him, he would never hear the end of it. He takes a minute to collect himself, then manages to stand up on wobbly legs. His eyes needed a few seconds to get used to it. Standing up too fast during a hangover isn't something he'd recommend. When he's adjusted himself, Sean begins to look around the area.

First, he was hungover.

Second, he became right awake.

Now… Sean Diaz's in shock.

Sean stood in the middle of a wasteland. The massive forest? Gone. Reduced to burning piles of sawdust. The nearby lake? Evaporated into steam. Not a single drop of water left. Merrill's drug lab? Nothing left. Sean looks to his left, noticing the body of Cassidy. Her eyes were white, showing no signs of life. Just a large pool of blood underneath her body.

What did this?

Now, Sean knows only one person capable of something like this. But he's in so much shock, he can't even think straight. However, the past events are slowly coming back to him.

"What- what the fu- no. No…" He looks around, whimpering to himself. Then it hit him.

"DANIEL!" He panics as he looks around for his little brother. Whatever happened here, it doesn't matter. Where is he? How is he? If something happened to him- Sean sees his brother, lying with his back turned to Sean.

"Daniel! What happened? Are- are you ok?" He runs over to his younger brother, turning him over onto his back. Sean could never prepare himself for what he witnessed.

"Daniel, come on! We gotta-" Sean dropped his brother's body, and jumped backward, landing flat on his ass. But he didn't get far enough. No. He continued to crawl away from his brother as the horror and shame of his actions began to set in. Daniel's face was covered in blood. He missed at least one tooth, and- and-

The knife.

He had a knife, deep in his left eye.

Sean did this to him.

Sean… killed him.

He can't breathe. Sean turns to his side, throwing up. What the fuck did he do? He's a monster. Daniel's dead, he must be. And even if he isn't, Sean couldn't live with the shame, the guilt, facing him every day. So, Sean Diaz does what Sean Diaz does best. Without looking back at his brother's corpse, he goes to pick up their backpacks. Hopefully, he can remember his Enano for who he was in life. Not how he looked in death. With his back turned towards his brother, Sean begins to cry.

"I'm sorry, Enano. I failed you." Then, he runs. Sean Diaz runs away from the sirens in the distance. He runs away because he doesn't know what else to do. But most important of all, Sean Diaz runs away from guilt. He runs and stops at nothing. Not the pain in his chest that increases with every breath he takes, not his aching body, nothing. Not even his broken soul.

Silver Springs, Nevada — two days later…

Sean never stopped. He didn't eat, sleep, rest, or even take a piss break. But even if he'd try to eat, the food would just come right back up. And sleep? Forget it. He doesn't deserve sleep. The only reason he doesn't just lie down in a ditch is that it would cause his mind to drift back. To what he did. The knuckles on his right hand are blue and sore. His middle finger's got a deep cut, probably from his little brother's tooth. In short, his hand hurts like hell.

And that makes him feel even worse.

The pain he's feeling now, physical and emotional? It's nothing compared to what Daniel had to suffer through before meeting his maker. Meeting his maker by the hands of the one person he'd always trusted with his life. Sean would cry, but tears just aren't enough anymore. Besides, this heat. The fucking desert heat. He wants to complain, but he's got no right to complain. Sean brought this upon himself. If this is how he leaves this earth, so be it. Not like he cares. Not anymore.

Sean's walking on a straight road, surrounded by a desert landscape. Behind him, an endless road. In front of him, a highway to hell. He's exhausted, dehydrated, and his feet are killing him. He needs to rest. Sean sits down underneath a billboard, not caring about what it reads. He takes off his backpack, hoping for a bottle of water to be inside. Sean searches- holy shit! Whatever caused any god to give him this water, thank you! Sean drinks the entire bottle in less than five seconds. It wasn't even nearly enough. Sean looks deeper, only to find the last thing he wanted to see right now.

Daniel's backpack.

He doesn't want to, but Sean can't help it. Slowly, he picks up Daniel's backpack from the inside of his own. Holding it in his hand, Sean realized how small it is. Just like him. Like Daniel… Enano. He opens it, well aware that there's only pain to be found inside.

The contents of his little brother's backpack are few. But each of them echoes his name, one way or the other.

A Chock-O-Crisp wrapper, empty of course.

An old drawing Daniel made. This must be from Seattle. It depicted their drunken father, holding a pitchfork, horns coming out of his head. In the other corner was Daniel. Small, defenseless, and scared. Between the pair, stood Sean. Dressed in white, with a halo on above his head. As always, he stepped forward to protect Daniel from their father. But he couldn't protect Daniel from himself. In the bottom corner, Daniel had written "My guardian angel."

Sean doesn't even notice the tears coming down his face.

Then he sees it.

Daniel's journal.

Shit. He shouldn't. His little brother's most precious, private thoughts are in there. Daniel hated him for reading it once. Then again, does it matter? Alive or dead, Daniel probably couldn't hate him more than this. Sean wouldn't blame him. He opens the journal, flipping through it to find the more recent notes.

"Today, Sean returned. I hope he can make it. But I'm not sure if he can. I know that I should be happy for him. Well, I kinda am happy too. But I just get this feeling that… everything comes at a cost. The wolfbrothers paid a high price when choosing between freedom or death. What price will my big brother have to pay to stay sober? Or… do I have to pay?"

"Yeah, Enano. You did pay. You paid for my fuck-ups…" Daniel had been skeptical from the very beginning. Not even he believed that Sean could make it. And Sean didn't make it either. He relapsed with catastrophic results.

Sean looks at the lower half of the page, and it feels like his heart stops. What he sees is a near-identical image of the one he's got permanently etched into his retina. A young boy, on his back, covered in blood, knife piercing his left eye. Only one difference. The young boy in the drawing isn't Daniel, but instead, Sean. Other than that, it's eerily identical. The way his arms are placed, and how much blood there is, and where. Fucking creepy.

"Is this his price, or his end?" It says at the bottom.

"No, Daniel. It was yours." He can't take it any longer. Sean stands up, and he screams. There are no words. Just a painful roar, echoing throughout the desert. What's the point of continuing? He should just sit here, maybe the coyotes will finally end his fucking misery.

"Are you ok, kid?" Sean had been so busy screaming, he didn't notice the giant truck that just stopped. He'd like to keep it that way and chooses to ignore the man.

"Come on, kid. I know you're not deaf. You can't walk out here, or you'll die. Let me give you a lift." The last time he jumped into the car with a stranger, Daniel had lost a finger and Sean himself began a road of addiction. Why the fuck would this guy be safe? On the other hand, Sean's got nothing to lose this time. Fuck it. Without a word, he gets up and moves to the truck.

Sean could admit it. The air condition felt pretty good after walking through the desert. It was more than he deserved. But he refused to speak. He just… couldn't. Too much pain, guilt.

"So, not much for talking, huh? Well, I'm Anton. Where are you headed?" He seems nice. Then again, so did Brody. Sean refuses any food and water he's offered. At least he's learned something.

"I'm… nobody, going… nowhere." It felt like that at least.

"Everybody's somebody, kid. No matter the type of shit you're dealing with. Do you have any parents? A sister, or brother, perhaps?" That's when it happened. When he heard the word "brother," the floodgates opened up like a dam. He cried and cried, and he could not stop.

"No, no, no. Daniel. Enano. Nonononono…" Anton seems to realize that he hit a nerve.

"Listen… It's ok if you don't wanna talk to me. There's a town just ahead. It's small, but the locals are known to be very helpful to those in need. Ok if I drop you off there?" Sean simply nods in agreement.

Austin, Nevada — a few hours later…

Anton wasn't joking. This place sure as hell was small. Not only that, but it looked like a ghost town. Every store had been closed, well, both of them. No children playing, no cars driving around. Where is everybody? Ahead of him, lies a large church. Might be a decent place to start.

"If I don't spontaneously combust when I walk through those doors…" Sean mumbles to himself.

Inside the church, he instantly felt the cold breeze of the air conditioner. At least that's something. Still, no people. Wait- he hears someone. A minister, priest, reverend- whateverthefuck it's called. She's ranting about bible verses, and he couldn't care less. Still, something about that voice made him feel… warm. Safe. He should get a closer look. Sean tries to open the large pair of doors in front of him.

But he can't. It's locked.

"Maybe upstairs?" He whispers while walking slowly up the stairs. Every step, more tired, more painful, than the last. Every step, making him feel safer and safer. Almost… home. But why? He's never been even remotely close to religious. It makes no sense. He could hear the female voice preaching, every step of the way.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." Yeah. Daniel loved him. Hell, maybe he did have a plan after all? If so, he did that out of love. Look where that got him? Rotting away in the forest. Just thinking about it makes Sean cry.

When he reaches the top he looks around inside the church. Most of the people in town must be here. Old, young, teenagers, children. Sean turns his attention towards the person speaking.

He gasped.

His heart felt like it would burst through his rib cage.

Sean's legs didn't want to keep him standing anymore.

Why?

It's because of that person, speaking at the altar.

He knew her.

Sure, they haven't met for a long time. But the very second Sean saw her, he knew.

He knew that the woman standing inside this church…

Is Karen Reynolds.

His mother…

Notes:

Well, how 'bout that one? I'm surprised that there isn't any "cult of Karen" fics, considering how it was one of the main theories leading up to the release of episode 4. But hey, I'm going with it.

This is Sean's introduction to this episode. He's at a very low point in his life, convinced that he's killed his brother. And his brother? Well, that's for the next chapter. Now I can explain a little more details here regarding my analogies.

Once myth becomes truth, two brothers will clash and part ways. One brother, redeemed from his wrongdoings. One brother, bearing a permanent mark of sin in his face and soul.

Shall myth remain a myth, two brothers will stand together against evil. One brother without fear. One brother in fear of the other.

Just gonna put this one here as a reminder...

Which brother shall decide the path?
What path shall they walk upon?
The cross?
OR
The noose?

The cross vs The noose?
The noose vs The cross?
The cross vs The cross?
The noose vs The noose?
Throw the moose across?
A noose for the cross?

Who knows...?

Ok, this one is me being about 49/51% serious/screwing around. It does however tell a bit of the characters conflicts.

The Cross
For Sean, this is the "go look for mom" choice. To him, the cross means "salvation." He is, however, unaware of her "affairs."

For Daniel, it's pretty much what happened at the end of episode 3. At least to some extent. Something terrible happened. So terrible, Daniel didn't care if he or Sean lived or died. To him, the cross represents "death" and "a broken heart."

The Noose
For Daniel, this is what Sean's choice would result in. As stated numerous times, he'd rather die than look for her. The noose represents "suicide" for Daniel.

For Sean, it's a representation of what it would be like, placing that kind of trust in Daniel's hands. Sean asks him what his plan is, but gets no answer. Sean feels like trusting Daniel is pretty much equal to hanging himself. You'll die. Maybe quick and painless. Or it could be slow, and very painful. Still, you would sure as hell die. To Sean, the noose represents "death" in general.

There is but one and only one,
Whose love will fail you never.
One who lives from sun to sun,
With constant fond endeavor.

There is but one and only one
On earth there is no other.
In heaven a noble work was done
When God gave us a Mother.

Ok, I'll admit it. I did not write that one. Google is a great place sometimes. It was just a perfect fit. Subtle, yet obvious at the same time. GOD, and MOTHER...

Anyway, I like reading comments.

Enjoy!

K. S.

Rock bottom they call it.
You do not know where to go.
Only that every path...
Is downhill.
The world eats you alive.

For the first time in your young life.
You're all alone.
Nobody can save you.
Nobody can hear you scream.
Nobody can comfort you.

Nobody...

Chapter 2: Hangman's Noose

Summary:

After a long time in a coma, Daniel Diaz is about to wake up. How will his view of the world change...?

Notes:

Tags!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Carson Tahoe Regional Medical Center — Carson City, Nevada.

Two months after the blast at Merrill's…

Daniel felt groggy. He's about to wake up from a very deep sleep. How deep, he doesn't know at this time. Daniel believes this to be just another morning. Despite everything telling him otherwise. He could hear people around him, whispering to each other. Voices he did not recognize, speaking of him.

"He's waking up. Quickly, clear the room, now!" What's going on?

"Fine, Joey. But you know the bureau needs to talk to him soon." A bitter female voice says. He doesn't know any "Joey." What is this? Daniel tries to move a little, only to be met with the most surreal pain he's ever felt in his life. His head felt like it would explode. Nothing he's experienced before could even come remotely close to this. It hurts so bad, he wants to throw up.

"Easy now, champ. Don't rush it. Calm down. Deep breaths. In… and out." A soothing male voice tells him. It doesn't sound like anybody he recognizes. Still, it makes him feel a lot better. Daniel manages to calm himself down.

"Good. Now, you feel like trying to look at me?" Daniel tries to respond, but can't even talk. He feels so weak. So very, very weak. He simply nods in agreement.

"Ok, champ. Take your time." So he did. Take his time, that is. For a good ten minutes, Daniel tried to open his eyes. He felt so exhausted, even the smallest thing made him feel like he's been running a marathon. Eventually, Daniel manages to open his eyes.

"Goodmorning, big man. It's good to see you're awake." The first thing he sees is a nurse smiling at him. He presumes this to be Joey. He seems nice.

"Where- where am I?" Daniel had sort of figured this one out. But he needed some kind of confirmation.

"You're in a hospital, Daniel. You've been in a coma for two months." Joey smiled, but it almost seemed forced. Like looking at Daniel just made him sad. WAIT-

"TWO MONTHS- ow… ow- my head." Lesson learned. No fast movements, and no shouting.

"Hey, hey, take it easy, ok? You need to rest now, Daniel." Rest. No time for that. Where's Sean? Why isn't his brother here with him? Sitting by his side, every step on his road to recovery.

"What happened… to me?" Daniel doesn't remember anything of what happened. The last thing he can remember is how excited he was to tell Sean that they could leave. That, and he ran towards the camp. After that, it's all dark.

"Well, you were in pretty bad shape when you came in here, Daniel. We did everything we could, but…" Joey looks away, his smile fading. This doesn't sound good.

"But what?" He asks, uncertain if he wants to hear the answer or not.

"You suffered an injury, Daniel. And- I don't know how to tell you, man…" Daniel feels a bit confused, but also scared. He lifts his arms, looking at them. They're still there, moving like usual. He can still move his feet and legs as well. So, what is it?

"Show me. I- I have to. Please." He's not sure why, but the tears coming out of his eyes burned like acid. Especially in his left eye.

"Are you sure, Daniel?" Joey looks at him seriously. Fuck no, he ain't sure. But now, hearing it, he must know. What the hell happened to him? It can't be that bad, can it? Sean's suffered tons of injuries that at times were scary to look at. However, Daniel never saw his older brother in a different light because of them. Why would he do so with himself?

"I have to." He answers firmly. Joey turns around and grabs a small mirror, placing it in Daniel's lap. He gestures for Daniel to pick it up. Daniel does as he's told.

He picks it up.

He picks it up.

He picks it up!

He can't pick it up. No matter what he does, Daniel's hands always seem to miss the mark. Weird. Guess that's what two months of coma do to you. Joey must have noticed his frustration as he placed a hand over Daniel's.

"Here. Remember, take your time. Do not rush it. Trust me." Joey placed the mirror in his hands. Daniel slowly raises it towards his face. The closer he gets, the more his arms shake. He uses his hand to cover parts of the mirror, so he could take it really slow. The first thing he sees is his hair. Looks normal. Just longer and… cleaner? No complaints there. He uncovers the part that shows his forehead and instantly wished that he did not.

The cigarette burn mark. Finn and his torture dungeon. He wished he could forget about that moment. Daniel uncovers the entire right half of his face. When he sees it, he gasps. Dozens of scars, neither of which he'd seen before. Once again, he began tearing up. And once again, his left eye felt like it was on fire. Daniel uncovered the rest of the mirror to find out why.

He couldn't stop looking. He just… couldn't. It looked nothing like Daniel Felipe Diaz. But it was. This… was him now. A despicable creature, missing an eye and covered in scars. Mental and physical. What happened to him?

"Daniel? Are you alright? Talk to me, champ. I'm here for you, buddy." Joey makes him feel a little better. He's decided. He likes Joey. Joey's good. One of the few. Very few.

"My- my brother. Sean?" Something's wrong, it must be. Yes, he remembered Sean had alcohol problems, but he got sober, right? Why isn't he here?

"I- I don't know, Daniel. At least, I don't know any details. When they found you, your brother had fled the scene. They believe him to be somewhere in Nevada, but-" Daniel began hyperventilating. Short, quick breaths as he frantically looked around the room for reasons he didn't even know. In the end, his eyes- FUCK- his eye, returned to the mirror. He stared at the creature. The creature stared back.

"No. No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!" The mirror cracked in his hands, causing Daniel to bleed.

"Hey, calm down, Daniel." Joey tried. But Joey couldn't. Nobody could have.

"NOOO!" From one second to the other, Daniel remembered everything. How Sean relapsed and how disappointed he felt when he saw him. All the horrible things the wolfbrothers said to each other. And more importantly, he remembered every detail of Sean's assault on him. How the shock hurt him more than the pain at first. Then, the pain began. The one person he's always been able to trust with his life, with his most inner thoughts and secrets, beat him to near-death. He remembered how every punch felt like ripping his heart out of his body and stabbing it over and over again. The realization of what happened becomes too much for the young wolf. He cannot control his actions. A faint ringing can be heard as his vision turns white…

Five hours later…

Daniel awoke to the sensation of rain falling on his skin. It was all a dream. Thank god! Wait until Sean hears about this.

"Sean- ow, fuck." His head. It still hurts. But it was just a dream, wasn't it? Why else would he be sleeping outside? Daniel slowly opens his eyes, only to find out the horrifying truth.

Eye, not eyes.

He puts his palms over his face, ignoring the pain as he cries in silence. It isn't until the smell of smoke reaches his nose that he begins to put the pieces together. And when he does…

He's not sure that he wants to get up. But he has to. Daniel's body hurts, and he's still weak from the coma. He rolls to his side to easier be able to stand. However, he would regret that decision forever.

The first thing he saw was Joey. His smile, it's almost… contagious. It made Daniel feel happier. At least until he noticed the large piece of metal that went through the man's heart.

"AH, what the fuck-" Daniel jumps backward, not understanding what just happened. By jumping backward, he expected to fall out of the hospital bed he just lied in. However, no cold floor awaited him. He landed uncomfortably, but soft. But he didn't land on a "what." He landed on a "who." A woman, with a blueish jacket bearing the letters "FBI" on the back.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Daniel rolled off of her, faster than holy-hell. He knew what had happened here. He knew. But he didn't want to see it. Seeing it would make it real. Daniel crawls towards the nearest corner and lies down in a fetal position. He closes his remaining eye, whimpering.

"I don't wanna, I don't wanna, please. I- I can't." He's not sure why. Maybe it's because tomorrow he'll be ten years old, or whateverthefuck. But something tells him, he can't escape this. Therefore, he decides to face it. Get it out of the way. He stands up, slowly opening his eye. What he saw, scarred him for life.

There was nothing left.

No parts of the building, no interiors, and- fuck. No survivors. All that lied before him, was one massive pile of rubble, wires, and bodies. So. Many. Bodies. He did this. Daniel… did this. He feels almost numb as he walks through the remains of the hospital. Around him lie the people responsible for saving his life. This was his thanks. He didn't mean it, of course. But to him, it's just as bad. He's just as bad. Blood is everywhere he turns. Bodies alike. Men and women. Old and young. Black and white. His powers didn't give a fuck. They just… did.

Just when he believes that it can't get any worse, Daniel sees the remains of a sign, hanging from a broken cable.

"Children's ward." SHIT! No. He should go back. Go away from here. Far away. But he doesn't. He keeps walking, not knowing why. Here, he'll only find more pain.

And he did.

How many of them, impossible to count. But all of them, dead. Each of their faces shows the horror they felt during their final moments in life. Some of them were hugging their dead parent's bodies. Others, only their remains. In some cases, it was the other way around. He can't watch this. Why is he watching this? He'll lose what little sanity he might have left.

"H- hey…" Daniel freezes as he hears a voice. His first thought was that it was the police. But it wasn't. Daniel turns around, only to find a small girl. Without hesitation, he sprints to her. If just one person could live, maybe, just maybe, there's some kind of hope for him?

"H- h- hey there. Are- are you ok?" Idiot. Nobody's ok here. The girl doesn't seem to have noticed his frustration though.

"I think so. But I can't- I can't move. I'm stuck." Daniel looks at her. Yep, she's stuck alright. Her legs are trapped under a bunch of debris. No ordinary boy could move that by hand. But Daniel's no ordinary boy.

"Ok. What- what's your name?" He doesn't even know why he's asking. Perhaps because it's the first person his own age that he's talked to for months. And… she's kinda cute too, so there's that.

"I'm Sarah-Lee." Hm, weird name. Still, knowing her name, kinda made him like her more.

"Hi, Sarah-Lee. I'm Daniel. Listen, I can get you out. Just… close your eyes, and trust me, ok?" She nods, closing her eyes. Here it goes. Daniel turned all of his focus towards that pile of debris, trapping the girl he loved. It began to move. It was working.

Was working.

Was…

All that time in a coma had made his body weak. His recent outburst didn't help matters either. For just a millisecond, Daniel lost his focus, only to immediately regain it.

But it was too late.

The damage had already been done.

Screaming. Loud screaming that shredded his heart into pieces. Daniel turns around to find Sarah-Lee covered in blood. The pile of debris had collapsed on top of her, crushing her internal organs. Obviously, Daniel didn't know that. But he did know that… it was very bad.

" NO!" Daniel knelt next to her as she began coughing up blood.

"Please, Sarah-Lee. Don't- don't give up. I'll… get you help. Wait here-" As Daniel's about to run for help, he feels Sarah-Lee grab a firm hold of his hand. She looks into his eye, not saying a word. She didn't have to. Daniel knew what she meant.

"Please, Daniel. I don't want to die alone. I'm afraid. Please, don't let me die alone." So he stayed. Daniel Diaz stayed, holding her hand. He watched the light slowly fade away in her eyes. He listens to her breathing as it becomes slower and slower. Eventually, he felt her hand lose its grip, only to fall on the ground. Sarah-Lee had died. She died because of him. He tried to save her but ended up killing her instead.

Daniel ignores the throbbing pain in his skull that crying seems to cause nowadays. He takes her hands, placing them on her chest. He takes his right hand, doing his best to brush dirt and blood from her face.

"I'm sorry I did this to you." Daniel stands up and begins to walk away. But he doesn't get far. This is where his new reality begins to set in. Daniel Felipe Diaz.

One-eyed.

Mass murderer of men, women, and children.

And he's all alone.

Not lonely.

Alone.

He collapses onto his knees, looking up at the sky as rain pours down at him.

"What the FUCK is wrong with me?! Why?! Why ME?! I just- I just want a normal life… please…" The little cub whimpers in despair. But nobody answers him. Nor does anybody save him. Today, Daniel Diaz's a small and lonely cub. Tomorrow, however, he'll turn ten. He knows it's time to grow up. Why?

Because tomorrow…

He becomes a lone wolf.

Notes:

This is Daniel's intro to episode 4. He's now at the lowest of lows, with things just getting worse at every turn. He feels like he can't do anything right, not even when he really tries. The part with the hospital massacre has been planned for a long time, but I put Sarah-Lee in at the last second. I just wanted him to show some kind of sign that he wants to be a good person. That, and I just didn't want him to "walk around."

The new chapter is almost ready. Tomorrow perhaps.

Remember, comments are nice.

Enjoy!

K. S.

Giving help to others is difficult.
But that is news of times past.
The question now is...

A lone helper
In need of help.
He feels helpless.
Perhaps, nobody can help?

But who, or what, is nobody?

Nobody kept you safe.
Nobody gave you comfort.
Nobody stood up for you.
Nobody is willing to give their life for you.

Who is nobody...?

Chapter 3: Invisible Wounds

Summary:

A lone cub, soon to be wolf, walks through the desert. Both where and why, unknown. How will the young wolf survive? Does he even want to? However, the biggest danger in the desert isn't the heat. It's the snakes. Why?

They'll strike you when you least expect it...

Notes:

Some disturbing content in this chapter, however, nothing explicit. Read tags!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The next day, somewhere in the desert…

Daniel had lost track of time. But what difference did it make? It's not like he's got anywhere important to be. He just keeps walking. To where he doesn't know. He's exhausted, dehydrated, and everything hurts. The shitty hospital shoes on his feet are almost melting as he walks on the scorching asphalt. He tried to walk on the side of the road but the sand almost ignited his shoes. Daniel wasn't religious. But if there was a hell, it would be like this place.

Empty.

Sand, as far as the eye could see. A sun, burning his skin in ways he's never experienced before. Vultures flying in circles, high above him, waiting for him to drop dead. They're not the only ones.

"Fuck, dude. You're half-Mexican, and you can't even be in the sun. Shit. You can't do anything right, can you?" Daniel thinks to himself. What is he even doing? However, he's pulled back to the real world as he hears a beeping sound.

"What the-" Daniel looks for the source of the sound. It comes from a watch. The wristwatch on his arm, given to him by Sean many years ago. He didn't even realize that he still wore it. He did, however, know what that sound meant.

April 11th, 2007 – 01:32:57 PM. The date, year, and exact time Daniel Felipe Diaz came to this world.

Now, it is April 11th, 2017 – 01:32:57 PM. He's officially ten years old. Ten. Double-digits. He stops dead in his tracks. Daniel should feel older, more mature, more… grown up. But he doesn't. He's still just a lost child and an equally lost cause. Maybe he should just lay down, and let the vultures get their dinner? Either way, he's exhausted and needs to rest. He sits down on the ground.

It burns. Like fire. He's so tired, and it would feel so good to just lay down for a few minutes. But he can't. The asphalt fries his body like a massive frying pan. And the sand? Well, the sand fucking cooks him alive. In desperate need of rest, but unable to do so. Great. He stands up, continuing with his road to nowhere. Daniel wants to cry, he needs to cry. But he's so dehydrated that he can't. He puts his hand over his head, looking towards the sky.

"Happy birthday, Daniel. You left Seattle with Sean, looking for a better life. Where did it get you? You're a mass murderer, and you've been tortured twice. The left eye in your face… gone. Forever. Sean lost… himself." Daniel begins to choke on his own words.

"And now, you're all alone in the desert, walking to fucking nowhere! You're gonna die here!" He doesn't know why, but he keeps walking. Perhaps he's not ready to give up yet? But it sure as hell feels like it. His mind is empty, his body hurts, and his soul feels darker than ever before. Give him a noose, and he would hang himself, right now. But even that wouldn't work. There's not even a fucking tree to hang himself in. god, he's so fucking stupid.

Sean used to say that Daniel's the brains of the family. Now he knows why. It wasn't because it's true. No. It's just something one can say to a child of low intelligence to make them feel better about themselves. To Sean's credit, it worked. But not anymore. Now, Daniel just feels stupid, worthless, and pathetic. He should just ignore the road and walk straight into the desert until his suffering finally ends. It's over. He's lost. No hope.

Or is there…?

"Hey, kid?! What the hell are you doin' out here?!" A van had stopped next to him. Daniel jumped a bit, not noticing it approaching.

"Huh? I- uh- what?" He feels so out of place. Then again, he is out of place here too. Seriously, he's wearing hospital flip-flops and a T-shirt that reads "HOSPITAL." He watches as two men exit the van. They look like your typical "white-trash & redneck" folks. As they approach him, the look on their faces seems to soften up a bit though. Must count for something. The larger of the two men kneel in front of Daniel.

"Hey there, buddy. What are you doin' all the way out here? The desert is dangerous, you know." He smiles at Daniel, speaking with a gentle tone in his voice.

"I- I got lost." Yeah, not exactly the best lie he's ever told.

"Ok, ok, I believe you. If you don't mind me askin', what happened with your…" The man points at his own left eye, and Daniel stares at the ground. Just thinking about it makes him want to cry.

"I- I- bar fight." Ok, where the actual fuck did that one come from? Daniel feels like an idiot. But the mystery man doesn't seem to mind.

"It's ok, kid. You don't have to tell me. Listen, I'm Chad, and my buddy over there's Mike." The man introduced as Chad tells him.

"I'm… Sean." He didn't want to use his real name. Not because he feared the cops would get him. Honestly, he would almost welcome that by now. But his real name makes him feel sick to his stomach. It disgusts him, just like himself.

"Nice to meet you, Sean." The other man, Mike, says.

"Listen, you need a ride somewhere? You look like you need to sit down, get some rest, maybe some water?" Chad asks him, a concerned look on his face. Daniel considered his next move. At a young age, Sean had told him all about stranger danger. But Daniel's been in much worse danger. He's born into danger. It molded him into the person he is today. And today, Daniel's the danger. These two, Mike, and Chad, seem nice. A pair of rednecks, but still, nice.

And yes, Daniel needs rest and water.

"Yeah. I'd like that. Thanks." Daniel follows the pair into the van.

The hours passed, and the day became night. Daniel had seen nothing but desert outside as the car drove in a never-ending straight line. They had given him water to drink, food to eat, and even a decent change of clothes. Instead of "HOSPITAL" his T-shirt now says "Female Body Inspector." A bit silly, but he kinda likes it. Maybe he's growing up after all? Mike and Chad had told him stories, entertaining him along the way, even making him laugh at times. Laugh. Daniel didn't know he could do that anymore.

But now, the events of the last two days have caught up with him. He needs some serious rest. Daniel leans towards the window, closing his eye, drifting away to sleep.

Daniel's not sure what woke him up. But when he opens his eyes the car has stopped at the side of the road with both Mike and Chad sitting inside.

"Uh… why are we still, guys?" Daniel asks sleepily. Neither answers nor even acknowledges him.

"Hello? Is- is everything alright?" Chad opens his mouth but keeps his eyes firm ahead.

"Daniel Felipe Diaz, right? Happy tenth birthday, Daniel." Shit. Fuck. How did they find out? Ok, play it cool, dude. You've got this.

"Uh, I- I dunno what you're talking about-" Mike interrupts him.

"Here, Chad, see? I told you I've seen the kid before." Chad took the phone and showed it to Daniel. It's a picture from the FBI's most-wanted list. Apparently, Daniel's the 47th most wanted minor in the United States. For some reason, he's not sure if he should feel horrified, or proud.

"Shit…" He whispers silently. If he didn't lose before, he did now.

"Yeah. You could say that… Daniel." Chad says bitterly in a way that made Daniel feel even worse.

"Are you gonna turn me in?" Maybe it's for the best? This mess would be over. For good.

"Sure, we could. I mean, there's a nice reward for anyone who does it. But me and Mike, ain't too fond of the feds. So in short, no. We're not." Daniel's uncertain how he feels about that.

"So… can I go?" He's not sure why, but there's an instinct deep inside him, telling him one thing.

RUN!

But he doesn't. He trusts them. Right now, he trusts them even more than Sean. Why? They helped him when he needed it the most. Sean, his own brother? He beat him so badly, he lost an eye.

"Yeah, you can leave. Just, come with me first. I'm gonna give you some supplies, come on." Daniel follows Chad around to the back of the van, climbing inside without hesitation. He didn't think about the fact that the entire back of the van was empty. It wasn't until Mike slammed the door shut behind them that he began to realize that something was wrong. Very, very wrong. Daniel looks back at the door, and then at Chad. His entire demeanor had changed. Gone was the kind, caring man who helped him in the desert. Replacing him, was something completely different.

"Now, you listen to me, little spic, and listen good. We gave you food, water, a free ride. So, unless you want us to turn you in, you'll have to pay us back in different ways…" A sinister, disgusting smile had formed on his lips. Daniel knew what this meant. All that time on the streets had taught him that. But he felt no fear. His powers will take care of this problem-

Shit. They didn't work. Not even a little. Weakened because of the coma, or any of that other shit, he doesn't know and neither does he care. All he knows is that right now, he doesn't have any powers. Daniel Diaz's just an ordinary, defenseless, and very scared little boy.

"NOOO! PLEASE, NOOO! HELP ME, SEAN, HELP MEEEEEE!" Daniel hit the door so hard his fists were bleeding.

"Scream all you want, nobody can hear you." Daniel screamed, and nobody could hear him. Daniel cried out for help, but it never came. Out here, not a single soul could hear him scream.

A few hours later…

Daniel walked alongside the road. He cried. But these weren't any usual tears. These tears were from the mental trauma that would never fully heal. Daniel collapsed to his knees and put his palms in the sand. Once again, he threw up. Which time is this? Fifth, or sixth? Does it matter? Just like last time, the answer is no. He could still-

Daniel could still taste it.

No matter how many times he threw up, he could still taste… it. Him. Them. He felt dirty. Unclean. And the type of filth that makes him so, isn't visible to the naked eye. At least not to anyone else. But to Daniel, he not only sees it, but tastes it, smells it, and feels it. He would never feel clean again.

After Mike and Chad had… finished, they had just pushed him out of the van, leaving him there. Like a piece of garbage, they had just dumped him in the middle of the desert, not giving a shit if he lived or died. At this point, Daniel didn't care much either.

He lies down on his back, right in the middle of the road. Weird. How can it be so fucking hot in the desert during the day, when the nights are so cold? It makes no sense. Daniel looks at his right palm. Just seeing it makes him want to throw up. He wants to cut his hand off, so he'll never be reminded of it again. But he can't. Instead, he looks up at the stars as tears are flowing freely.

"What happened to us, Sean? We were the wolfbrothers. But now? I- I don't- I don't know what to do, Sean. Help me. Where are you?" His older brother may have hurt him deeply in both heart and soul. But some things never change. To Daniel, his older brother's still his safe place. His rock.

Daniel slowly succumbs to a traumatized sleep, expecting to be plagued by nightmares. Little did he know that during the night, his body may have been asleep, but his mind was not. Daniel's brain did anything and everything it could, trying to take the memories of this day and lock them away in a box. A box never meant to be open. Instead, it would be hidden away. Far away, in the deepest parts of Daniel's head. A place where it won't bother him ever again.

The next morning…

Daniel felt unbearable pain. The heat is back. Yay. But why is he hurting so badly-

"SHIT!" Daniel opens his eye, looking straight up into the air above him. A small flock of vultures circulates above him. Daniel tries to stand up.

"Ow, shit!" That's one way to put it. How fucking stupid is he? He's been sleeping on the asphalt. His entire back, his legs, arms, and hands, are literally fried. It hurts so much. He has to get up, but he can't.

"Hey, kid! Oh, god! What the hell- are you still with me?" He didn't even notice a truck approaching. Why would he? Fucking one-eyed freak of nature.

"It- it hurts." The pain was so unbearable, he couldn't even speak properly.

"Hey, hey, it's gonna be fine, you hear me? You're safe now, kid." The stranger kneels next to him.

"I'm Anton, and I'm gonna help you get out of here, ok?" Daniel nods in agreement.

"I'm- I'm Daniel. Please, it hurts so much." Anton looks friendly. Daniel's not sure why, but something tells him that he should be careful.

"Ok, Daniel. Listen, I'm gonna try to lift you, ok? I won't lie to you. It's going to hurt." Once again, Daniel nods. Anton carefully places an arm under Daniel's knees and another on his back. Then he lifts.

It did hurt.

Seriously. Like, a whole lot.

Daniel screamed and screamed. Anton even shed a few tears, seeing how much pain this young child was in. Eventually, Anton manages to stand up, meaning that the worst part is over.

"You did great kid. You're really brave, you know. Now, I'm gonna put you in the back of my truck and-" Daniel didn't know what it was. But it was something. An instinct. It told him to not, under any circumstances, allow himself to enter that truck. If he did, bad things would happen. He didn't know what they were, just that they were bad.

He panics.

"No! No, no, no, no, no! Stay- stay away from me- OW, MOTHERFUCKER!" Daniel scratched and clawed his way out of Anton's hold, causing himself to drop to the ground. The same second his body hit the scorching asphalt, he crawled away from Anton, ignoring the pain in his palms and knees.

"Daniel? What's wrong? I'm just trying to help you. I don't want to hurt you, I want to help-" On a reflex, Daniel put his right arm out, lifting Anton as he slowly choked him. The look on the man's face was a mix of fear, shock, and confusion.

"Leave me alone. Why can't everyone just… leave me alone?" Daniel cries as he bends Anton's ribs unnaturally, making them crush his internal organs. Then he dumps him in the middle of the road. A pile of flesh and blood, immediately feasted upon by the pair of vultures he'd seen before.

"Persistent little fuckers, aren't you?" Daniel looks at the vultures before continuing to nowhere.

Apparently, "nowhere" lied about two hours away. Still, two hours through the desert is no laughing matter. Few things are nowadays. He's been burned badly by the sun, the sand, and the god-damn asphalt. His back looks like he's been in a frying pan. And the rest of him isn't much better. Sweaty, smelly, dirty, bloody, all kinds of things. But at least he's in a legitimate place now.

The place?

Austin, Nevada.

A very small town. Hell, it's more of a community than a town. That, however, meant that he'll stand out even more. This should be fun. Then again, he's a child. People always help children. Seriously, always. There's a reason it's called "Save The Children" instead of "Save The Adults."

Walking through the community, Daniel quickly realized how wrong he had been. Nobody offered him help or asked if he was alright. He did, however, get more than plenty of strange looks. It made him feel uncomfortable. Like he wasn't welcome here. Is it because he's "almost-kinda-sorta Mexican", but wished that he wasn't because of his father? Or was it something else?

He enters a small store. Maybe he can get something to eat here. One way or the other. He's already going to hell, so stealing is fine with him. But he's not reducing himself to begging… again.

"Can I help you, young man?" An elderly woman asked him. Well, shit. This was the one time he didn't want to be asked anything. If they had just ignored him like they always do, he could steal whatever the fuck he wanted. Now, however, that woman's got her eyes on him. She's already suspicious. Shit.

"No, thanks, ma'am. I'm good." Cunt.

"This is getting me nowhere. No-fucking-where!" Daniel thinks to himself before storming out of the store. When he's outside, Daniel looks around. Where should he go? Then he sees it.

The church!

Of course.

Churches always help those in need. Religious people are always helpful, kind, and comforting. And that's something he could really use now. Daniel enters the church. The first thing he can feel is the cold breeze, coming from the air conditioner. It felt so nice after days in the desert of hell. In front of him lie two large doors. Since there's not much to choose from, Daniel tries it.

It opens.

Daniel walks slowly inside the large room. He's never been religious, but somehow, churches have always fascinated him in a way. They felt so… massive. The room was empty, save for one person at the altar. A tall figure, dressed completely in white, kneeling, with its back, turned to Daniel. The person was praying.

"Celestial Mother, keeper of souls, I wandered from your path and come to confess my sins. Have mercy on me, I let drink take over my mind. Liberate me of my sins, absolve me of these demons. Show me mercy, so I may live in your glory afresh."

The figure repeated the same prayer, over and over again. Calmly, but with a deeply shameful tone to its voice. Daniel only managed to hear bits and pieces of it. Those bits and pieces, however, were not just enough.

They were more than enough. So. Much. More.

He freezes right on the spot. So much conflict, so much pain, and so very, very many questions. For a good five minutes, Daniel stands there. He's not eavesdropping, he's just… looking. Taking it all in. Maybe- maybe he's changed now? Daniel gathers what little courage is still left in his body before taking a symbolic step forward.

"Sean?" The figure goes silent. For what felt like an hour, the massive room became eerily silent. Daniel didn't dare to move, speak, or even breathe. Eventually, the figure stands up with a familiar limp on its right leg. With its back still facing him, the figure speaks with a voice that nearly breaks.

"Enano?"

Notes:

I'm almost starting to question my sanity. Why am I putting a character I love so dearly through so much hell?

Anyway...

I gave it a lot of thought. After going back and forth a lot, I decided to go with the whole "incident" thing. (Seriously, let's just call it that, ok?) The way Daniel reacts later feels somewhat natural (or so I think, at least). He feels dirty, used, etc. Then his brain just represses it, making him forget about it because it's a massive trauma. And repressed memories are... complicated (trust me, I know.) When they come back (because they will), everything comes back at once.

Daniel killing Anton is just another of many ways to show his descent into a darker world. He wants help, he gets it, but he's too scared of trusting people, which results in chaos. Everyone around him ends up dead (in his own mind at least).

Now the wolfbrothers have finally been (sort of) reunited. The next chapter will backtrack a little, following Sean's road to redemption.

Remember, I like comments.

Enjoy!

K. S.

Nine years.
You have waited.
You have cried.
You have screamed.

Nine years.
You felt angry.
You weren't good enough.
You were alone.
Alone against your father.
You were eight years old.

Now...

You see her.
You feel her.
You even smell her.
She's just as you remembered.

She invites you to stay.
But it comes at a cost.
Only, you do not hear the cost.
Nine years.
Nine years.
Now you have her.
Mom.

Nothing shall stand between her and you.

Chapter 4: The Runner

Summary:

Shocked by running into his mother, wracked by guilt, Sean's path heads towards a direction that may have severe implications for the future...

Notes:

Tags!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Two months earlier…

Sean doesn't believe this moment is real. It can't be real. His mother's right there, after all these years. He wants to scream, run down, and throw himself over her shoulder like he once used to do. But he's so fucking confused. He doesn't remember her being religious. Now, she's a damn priest? It's too much for him. Sean slides down with his back against a wall, closing his eyes. Meanwhile, he listens. Not to the religious ramblings. Sean just listens… to his mother's voice. He smiles.

Memories. Good memories, all coming back to him now. He bites his tongue to hold back his tears. A while later, people began to leave. They seemed to be done for the day. Sean takes a deep breath, moving down, towards the door. The handle on the door felt so heavy. Every step he took, even heavier. Opening the doors, Sean could see a lone figure at the altar. The same figure he saw and heard speak earlier.

Mom.

Sean had planned to be a bit more discreet. But he's been waiting nine years for this moment. Nine years of bottled-up emotions. Nine years of crying himself to sleep, begging for his mom to come back the next morning. He couldn't wait any longer.

"MOM!" Sean couldn't contain himself as he screamed as loud as he possibly could while running to her. When he's almost close enough to hug her, she turns around, and Sean stops for reasons he doesn't even know.

"Hello, Sean." Just hearing his mother speak his name made tears pour down his face.

"It's been a long time. You've grown up, my son." She gives him a nervous smile. Sean's uncertain what to make of this situation. He wants to hug her, but something tells him that… he shouldn't.

"Mom… I- I- I missed you." Sean breaks down, a sobbing mess on the floor, finally letting it all out. Nine years of it. Karen puts her hand on his cheek, looking into his eyes.

"There, there, Sean. It's ok. You're safe now." Is he? Can he stay here? Can he stay with his mom? It's what he wanted.

"Really? You- you mean it?" Karen looks down at him smiling.

"I won't lie to you, my son. I've followed the story of you and Daniel. I know of your sins, Sean. And there are many of them." Her looks changed into something more serious.

"Tell me, Sean Eduardo Diaz, how far are you willing to go to be able to call yourself Sean Eduardo Reynolds?" Easy answer.

"Anything. I- I would do… anything, mom. Just, please… don't make me leave you." Karen stands up, Sean's on his knees, begging her to not send him away. She gives him her hand and pulls him to a standing position. Then she hugs him. For the first time since he was a child, Sean hugs his mother. For the first time in nine years, Sean feels safe.

"It's going to be ok, my son. I promise." Sean cried tears of both pain and joy. Karen, however, wore a dark, sinister smile on her face.

Several hours later…

Sean had been given food, water, his first real shower since Christmas, and clean clothes. It felt wonderful. However, everything comes at a cost. The last three hours he's spent explaining to his mother how he got here. Every excruciating detail surrounding his father's abusive behavior, and later, death. His suicide attempt, how he was clinically dead by an overdose since he's addicted to both pills and booze. All of it. But nothing, absolutely nothing, made him feel the way he felt when he told her about Daniel.

How he killed his little brother.

His Enano.

The boy he swore to protect.

When Sean's finished with his story, Karen's silent for a long time. As if she's considering whether he's salvageable or not.

"Wait here, Sean. I'll come right back." He doesn't want her to leave. But her entire aura just radiates something that screams "I am not to be questioned." Sean says nothing but lets out a silent whimper.

A few minutes later his mother returns. But she's not alone. With her, is a man. Tall, muscular, middle-aged, with a ponytail. Who is he?

"Sean. I need you to listen carefully to what I am about to say, can you do that, son?" He'll do anything.

"Your heart is full of sins. Sins some consider to be unforgivable. It is rare for our community to welcome an outsider with such a dark soul. However, the Lord wants to give you one chance at redemption. For your brother's sake." That last part made Sean's heart ache.

"Thank you." Sean manages to say between sobs.

"Our community has strict guidelines for those who live here, Sean. For you, this means that you'll have to adapt to those guidelines if you are to stay, my son. If you do not follow them, I cannot help you. The Lord speaks through me so the decision is not mine to make. Do you understand?" Sean nods. If he has to play religion to be with his mom, then so be it. He doesn't believe any of that shit. As long as he behaves it's cool.

"Sean, I want you to meet someone." The big guy from the back steps forward.

"This is David Madsen. He was once a sinner, like you. He used, he abused, he spied, and he lied. But now, thanks to the lord, his soul is pure. David will be your personal guide on your road to forgiveness." Ok, then. They shake hands and Sean follows David to a small house nearby. They go inside, closing the door behind them.

"You probably think we're all fools, Sean." Huh?

"What? No, why would I?" Sean feels slightly confused.

"You do not believe in the lord, Sean. Usually, I wouldn't care about someone guilty of your sins. But the reverend… she cares for you. So I've made it my personal mission to make sure, Sean, that you shall see the light." Shit. He doesn't want any damn lectures.

"Do you smoke, Sean?" Ok, he didn't expect that.

"Uh, trying to quit. Thanks." Somewhat true. Daniel hated it when he smoked.

"You mind if I smoke?" David asks him.

"Nah, man. Go ahead." He smokes inside? Fucking gross.

David opens a box, takes out a large cigar, and lights it. Then, he stands so close to Sean's face, he could count the number of gray hairs in his beard.

"Tell me, Sean…" David breathes in smoke from the cigar.

"Do you fear death…?" David slowly blows out the smoke in Sean's face.

"Do you fear that dark abyss?" Sean remains still while David walks in circles around him.

"All your deeds laid bare. All your sins punished. I can offer you… an escape." The cogwheels in Sean's mind were turning like possessed. He doesn't fear death. Once, he searched it, and almost found it too. At a different time, he saw the darkness, the light, and the tunnel. It didn't scare him then, and it doesn't scare him now. The dark abyss? It can't get any darker. He's fucking killed his little brother.

However…

His deeds and sins… punished? That scares him. That scares Sean Diaz a lot. It scares him so much, he'll do anything to avoid it. Sean's offered an escape. A path to run. And Sean's a runner. Like always, he chooses to escape his problems, instead of confronting them.

"What- what do I have to do?" No matter what the answer would be, Sean's doing it.

"I can see right through you, Sean. You're afraid. Afraid of the eternal damnation that awaits you. I can help you. But you must be determined. You must show commitment. Leave behind all that belongs to your past life. Sever all connections, and get rid of any belongings. Only then, are you ready to begin." He doesn't have anything to leave behind. The only thing he ever valued was his little brother. And he's dead by Sean's hands.

"Anything. I'll do… anything." Sean burst into tears as he falls to his knees. He didn't notice the smile on David's lips.

"I know you will, son." Sean hopes that somehow, he might come to terms with his past here. That, and reconnecting with his mother. Both of those, equally important.

Two months later…

Sean had stayed at the religious community for about two months now. At least that's what they tell him. Only a select few are allowed cellphones, computers, or anything else with an internet connection. Of the select few, Sean wasn't one of them. Quite the opposite, actually. He's at the very bottom of the food chain. People give him strange looks, talk behind his back, all that stuff. In short, he's not exactly welcome here.

There is one exception to that rule…

His mother, Karen.

She was so happy to see him again, sinner or not. Obviously, they couldn't be seen together outside since Sean's a sinner, and Karen's… well…

Grand reverend mother, Karen Reynolds, vessel of the lord, savior of sinners, healer of wounds, and all-knowing angel.

Yeah. That's her full title. Most people call her just "reverend" or "reverend mother." Sean's no exception to that rule. At least not yet. During his stay here, Sean's had to prove himself worthy of his mother's forgiveness. His first test had been a horrible experience. Sean had to sever all ties to his past, including items. Such items as Daniel's journal. Now, Sean feels a lot better about himself. However, at the time, it had been one of the most painful things he'd ever done.

His mother and David had told him to tear up Daniel's journal, page-by-page, and throw it into the fire. Sean had questioned the point of it, only to be told that it was the only way to redeem himself from his sins. Watching the pages burn felt like Sean himself was the one on fire. The only thing he had from his little brother, gone. Now, he's got nothing. But the second he had finished with his task, he felt a warm embrace from his mother.

"Well done, my son. I'm proud of you." Just hearing that, made it all worth it. She was proud of him. One of his parents… proud of him.

But life in the community wasn't easy. Sean still wrestled with his guilt, and he still woke up in the middle of the night expecting Daniel to be next to him. But he never was. He never would be again. Hopefully, the kid's in a better place now. Daniel deserved better than he got. Sean's not sure what he deserves. Looking around, he can see everything that he and Daniel left Seattle to seek out. A room with a nice and comfortable bed. Bathroom with a shower. A real toilet. Hot water. A fridge filled to the brim with food, snacks, soda, and all sorts of things you might want. And he's got his mother back.

So… why is he still miserable?

Karen tells him that his sins are still plaguing him and that he will only feel complete once forgiven. Well, she's definitely right about one thing. His sins are plaguing him, all the time. Sean walks over to a mirror. He doesn't even recognize himself anymore. Sure, he had to shave his head completely bald, but that's not the reason. It's something else. His eyes. They just look… dead. Empty. Devoid of any will to live. He looks into the mirror, then down at his fist. Daniel's teeth have left a permanent scar on his hand.

"What happened to you, man? You were supposed to protect him. Keep him safe from the evils of this world. But instead of protecting him from evil, you became it." Sean feels broken inwards as he says it but shows no emotion.

"Sean? Can I come in?" David knocks on his door. Whenever he comes, it's usually because Sean's mom sent him.

"Yeah, sure." Sean quickly cleans his face from tears before walking out of the bathroom. When he comes out, David's already in his room.

"Here, Sean. Put these on and follow me. It's time." David hands him a shirt, along with some jeans, both white.

"Time for what, David?" Sean just had this feeling that something big was about to happen. The question is… what?

"Your initiation. The lord believes you to be ready, Sean. Do not prove him wrong." He's ready. It's not forgiveness, but it's a major step closer to it. He's on the right path, he could feel it.

The first time Sean had listened to his mother's sermons he felt bored, believing it to be nothing but gibberish. Now, however, he enjoyed them. As he stood behind a door with David awaiting his cue, Sean closed his eyes, listening.

"Faith. It can save a man, and it can break a man. But what is faith? Some people have blind faith. I myself used to live a life of sin, praying for it to become better. For me, that only happened after I've made some choices myself. I chose to leave my abusive and dangerous husband, searching for a better life. And when I did, the Lord spoke to me. He told me… what I just did… would come at a high cost." The tone in her voice sounds completely different from usual. Instead of the loud, confident reverend, it's something sadder, apologetic to her voice. Like she's apologizing to Sean.

"I never understood what our lord meant. Until now. Recently, our community has welcomed a new member. A young man with many sins in his soul. But he committed himself. And now, he's a true believer about to become a part of our flock. I'd like you to meet my son, Sean Eduardo Diaz." That's the cue. Sean walks out to a dead-silent crowd. His legs are shaking, and he can barely breathe.

"My son left an abusive father, in search of a better life. But instead of a better life, all he faced was a life of sin. A life of addiction, stealing, violence, and even murder. But the lord helped Sean to change his ways. Therefore, he is now ready." David walks up to Karen with a small box. Sean pays no attention to it. All he sees- and hears, is the crowd in front of him. They're chanting his name, welcoming him into their family. Welcoming him as one of them.

"My son, close your eyes," Karen tells him as she takes something out of the small box. Sean does as told without hesitation.

"To earn eternal forgiveness, the lord must always be with you, Sean." He grimaced as he felt a sharp pain in his forehead. Like that of a sharp blade. Sean felt two cuts being made. One long vertical, and a shorter horizontal.

"Now, open your eyes to a new world, and a new family, Sean… Reynolds." So he did. Sean Diaz, the pathetic loser with a broken body was dead. Now, reborn as Sean Reynolds. His body might still be broken, but the lord would help him find his path. And now, he had a new family. A family that would never leave him.

Then why…

Is he sitting in his room, hours later, still feeling like suicide might be an option? He's a part of the community now. People talk to him, smile at him, and are nice in general. Sean should feel good, great even. But he doesn't. Deep down, he knows something is wrong here. Looking in the mirror, Sean realized he's got a cross etched on his forehead. It's still bleeding. Anyone should know it to be wrong.

But Sean?

He pushes those thoughts to the back of his mind. It's his mom. She can't be evil, right? No. she wouldn't do that to him. Still, it doesn't change the fact that something feels… missing in his life. Someone feels missing. Sean could never say it out loud here, but he misses his brother. He misses him so much. His laugh, his imagination, how smart he could be at times. Hell, Sean even missed the annoying piece of shit from the drug lab. Why? Because it's his brother. Or… was. He doesn't have a brother nowadays.

Sean feels confused, conflicted, and lost. His mother had told him that in times like these, only the lord has answers. So, Sean heads back to the church.

The walk to the church was a short one, just a few minutes. But the experience was quite different compared to what he's gotten used to. Just this morning, people went out of their way to avoid him. They whispered behind his back, or just looked the other way. Now, it's like none of that ever happened. Old people giving him cookies, young kids begging him to join them for a game of football. But Sean's in no mood.

He enters the church, finding it to be completely empty. Sean kneels at the altar.

"Please, lord. Help me. I don't know what to do. I- I just miss him so much. Help me." It's what Sean wants to say. But he's not allowed to have any form of attachment to people outside the community, living or dead. Instead, he repeats a prayer. Over and over again. The same one he's been repeating thousands of times by now. It's ingrained in his skull.

"Celestial Mother, keeper of souls, I wandered from your path and come to confess my sins. Have mercy on me, I let drink take over my mind. Liberate me of my sins, absolve me of these demons. Show me mercy, so I may live in your glory afresh." He repeats it, again and again, praying for the pain to disappear.

One hundred fifty-two. That's the number of times Sean had to repeat that prayer every time. One prayer for every sin he committed. It wasn't enough. It was never enough. Nothing could undo the damage what he did. As Sean continued he could hear the large doors behind him open, then close. He paid no attention to it. Probably just someone else from the community. He's not interested in making friends right now.

But wait…

Those steps. So light, so silent. Like those of a child. And not just any child. He knew that kid. Sean could recognize him from anywhere in the world. The pacing in his walk, his nervous breathing, how he smells, which is gross by the way. Sean raised that boy. He protected him, he took care of him, he- Sean killed that boy.

It's not him.

How could he be so naive, so stupid? There are dozens of kids running around in this community. Any one of those could be the one behind him.

But they weren't. After a long silence, Sean could hear a small, yet decisive, step forward. Then he could hear a familiar breath going in before saying one short word. This became the moment that Sean had both longed, and feared for.

"Sean?" He opens his eyes like he's just been scared to near-death. Hell, that's not far from the truth. He's too afraid to turn around. But sooner or later, he has to. It felt like hours. Neither person dared move nor speak. Sean listened to the breathing of whoever stood behind him. It must be- but it can't be, right?

Only one way to find out!

Sean gathers the little courage he's got, standing up on his hurting legs. The very second he did, he felt like he broke. Sean had planned to turn around, but he didn't dare to. The fear was just too much. All he managed to squeeze out between sobs was one word.

"Enano?"

Notes:

I'll start off by saying that this isn't my best work. Turns out that writing a religious cult is far more difficult than I thought. But it will get better from here, promise.

Now...

I put David in there instead of Nicholas, because "fck it why not?"

David's line when he talks to Sean is word-for-word taken from Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest.

Do you fear death?
Do you fear that dark abyss?
All your deeds laid bare.
All your sins punished.
I can offer you... an escape.

That's Davy Jones being a badass. I've always loved that line.

Not much else to say about this chapter really. It was difficult to write, but it will get better from here.

Please leave a comment below.

Enjoy!

K. S.

A helper in need of help.
Nobody could help.
The helper has found the nobody.
But now...
A new problem arises.
The helper needs help.
The nobody cannot give it.

A will of iron.
A heart of gold.
Both of these, represent the helper in question.
Then there's the third.
Knowing when to quit.

The helper begins to wonder.
If the nobody is just that.
A nobody.
And a nobody isn't worth your time.

Chapter 5: Trauma

Summary:

The wolfbrothers are reunited with each other. The problem with reunions, however, is that you always remember things. Things you did, others did, things that happened. Some good, others... not.

Notes:

Some disturbing references here. Nothing explicit but read tags!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

"Enano?"

It's him. His big brother. It's Sean. He still hasn't turned around to face him. All Daniel can see is his back. Neither brother dared to speak. Daniel tries to take it all in, but there's just so much of it. Memories of his older brother, protecting him with his life, caring for him, giving him comfort. But then there are the other memories. The ones he wished he could forget. The memories Daniel wished had just been nightmares.

But they weren't.

They were real. Very real.

Those memories were of Sean jumping off a cliff, attempting to kill himself only minutes after Daniel had told him his darkest secret. It was Sean overdosing in that alley, leaving Daniel all alone in this horrible world. It was Sean's descent from a loving, caring big brother, into a younger version of their father. And last, but sure as hell not least, Sean… hitting him. Over and over again. His eye still hurts. He's been branded for life by Sean, visible for everyone.

But it's still him. Sean. His big brother. His idol, his- his everything.

Still, Daniel would be lying if he said he didn't have second thoughts about approaching his brother. What would happen? A loving hug, followed by the phrase "I'm so sorry, Enano"? Or would Daniel just run into a closed fist? Part of him doesn't want to find out. Hell, the same part of him wants to put Sean through the same misery he's gone through. An eye for an eye, they say…

Wait, what?

Fuck the what?!

Daniel shakes his head, scolding himself for even entertaining the thought. He's better than that.

Or… is he?

Yep. He is.

"SEAN!" Daniel threw caution to the wind as he called out his brother's name as loud as he could. The entire church echoed, but he didn't care. He was already running. Sean had barely started to turn around before Daniel tackled him to the floor with a hug. For a short while, things were normal. Well, as normal as they ever had been in their lives.

Sean held him tight. He didn't reek of cheap beer. Nor did he feel weak, like he did when he took those stupid pills. He didn't feel angry, desperate, lost, or suicidal. No. He just felt like Sean. The big brother who raised him, protected him, comforted him, and just been awesome. Daniel wants to say so much. He wants to apologize. For what, he doesn't even know. But it doesn't matter. All he can do now is cry. And what happens when Daniel cries?

His eye seriously fucking hurts. It feels like someone had filled the empty hole with gasoline and lit a match. The pain only made him cry, even more, causing him even more pain. Neither brother knew how long they sat there. But it was a very long time. They held on to one another as their lives depended on it. Who started to break out of the hug first, remains unclear. The important thing is that now, the wolfbrothers were reunited. And now, they look at each other for the first time in over two months. They've never been apart for so long before.

Daniel didn't see the freshly carved cross on Sean's forehead. He was too occupied trying to prepare himself for what was about to come. Preparing himself for when Sean sees his missing eye. Daniel turned his remaining eye to the floor. He could hear Sean breathing. First, it was calm. Nervous, but calm. Then, it just stopped. Silent.

Sean had seen it. Daniel remains still, unable to move or even speak. Not that he wants to. For reasons, he can't explain, he feels ashamed. Like this is his fault. Maybe it is?

"No. Daniel, no. Did- did I do that? Is that because of… me?" Sean could barely get the words out. Daniel didn't know what to say, or how to say it. He just nodded.

"No. God, no. Daniel, it's all my fault. She- she was right. She's always right. I'm so sorry, little brother. Please, forgive me." Ok, hearing Sean apologize for real was nice for a change. But he won't lie. That sounded… off. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. Either way, Daniel's busy clinging to his big brother, so he won't pay attention to it. He just hugs Sean.

"I accept your apology, big brother. I know you never meant to hurt me. You want to protect me so that I never die." One little hug said more than words ever could. They both knew it. The wolfbrothers now move towards a bench and sit down next to each other.

"I- I thought you were de- dead, Enano." Daniel bites his tongue, stopping himself from saying "I wish."

"I almost was. More than once." Something. Something is moving… in the back of Daniel Diaz's mind.

"How did you find me, Daniel? And how did you get here?" A memory. Or is it a dream? It feels so… distant. Still, it feels like it just happened. But nothing noteworthy happened during his walk through the desert, right? Well, apart from that poor trucker. Other than that, nothing.

"Lucky I guess. I had to kinda… walk through the desert." He could hear Sean gasp. However, Daniel didn't care. Something else was bothering him. Random images, flying through his mind. A van. Himself on the passenger seat. The feeling of an instinct, telling him to run for his life. What is all this?

"So, Enano? When exactly, did you become a fed?" Say what now? Daniel welcomes the change of topic but must admit that he's not following. Sean, however, is all smiles.

"Uhhh… Sean?" Seriously, what?

"I'm talking about that, Daniel." Sean smiles as he points at Daniel's shirt. Daniel had barely paid any attention to what he was wearing, so he did the same.

He would regret that moment for the rest of his life.

His shirt read "Female Body Inspector." That, of course, is harmless. But now, Daniel remembers where he got it from. And he remembers so much more. Without even realizing it, Daniel stands up. He starts to hyperventilate, staring emptily at the wall in front of him. Like the click of a button, it all came back. Everything at once. Mike and Chad. How they saved his life when he was close to death in the middle of the desert.

Daniel remembered how good they were to him. Giving him food, water, clothes, and even entertaining him with their insane road stories. Daniel felt safe. Like he could trust them. Then, Daniel had been asked to follow Chad to the back of the van. He didn't think twice, and why should he? The doors were slammed shut behind him. He never stood a chance. Behind closed doors, Daniel Felipe Diaz got stripped of everything, both figuratively, and literally. They even took his dignity. Only to then throw him out of a moving car like a piece of garbage. Used, abused, filthy, and broken.

Now, that memory was back.

Daniel couldn't breathe. So many questions. How could this happen? Why did this happen? How could he forget? Why did he remember it now, of all times? All the negative emotions are back. He feels dirty, used, like he won't ever be able to feel clean again.

"Daniel? What's wrong?" Sean could see the panic in his brother's face. He stands up and walks to his brother. Daniel didn't even hear Sean talking to him. He desperately looks around the massive room, watching it shrink around him. Daniel looks down. To be more specific, he looks down at his shirt. The dark-blue shirt with yellow letters. There's something there. Something he hasn't noticed before. Right under his chin. A weird white… stain? Now, two things happened simultaneously.

Daniel realized what the white stain was.

Sean put his hand on his little brother's shoulder, attempting to comfort him.

"NOOO! PLEASE, NOOO! HELP ME, SEAN, HELP MEEEEEE!" Daniel screams the very same words he did that fateful night. Then he tears off the T-shirt, throwing it across the room. He never wants to see it again. Just the fact that his hands touched it, makes him want to cut them off. Burn them. Daniel sits down on the floor, pulling his knees up to his chest.

Too ashamed to talk.

Too broken for a hug.

Too traumatized. Period.

Sean's shocked by what he just saw. Whatever it means, it's not good. He's no shrink. He can't talk to children about this stuff. But Daniel isn't just any child. It's his Enano. Sean sits down next to him, doing what he usually does. He waits. More often than not, Daniel will open up to him if given enough time.

As he sits there, Sean looks at his brother's body. Sean failed him. Now, more than ever, he realizes it to be true. Daniel's entire body has been badly burnt by the desert heat. This mostly applies to his face, arms, hands, and lower legs. But god… his back. It looks like he's been tortured with a flamethrower. It looks horrible. How is he still going? And why did he freak out like that? Daniel keeps staring emptily. Sean decides to try talking to him. No hand on the shoulder though…

"Hey, buddy. You wanna talk about it?" Sean's got no clue what "it" might be, but he has to try.

"Hey there, buddy. What are you doin' all the way out here? The desert is dangerous, you know." This is what Daniel heard. Chad's voice, telling him how dangerous the desert was. Yet again he was taken back.

He screamed.

Terrible, gut-wrenching screams.

Screams that could break even the coldest of hearts.

Then, he leaned towards Sean's shoulder. Now, there was no screaming. Just tears. Many, many tears. Sean didn't know why, and for now, Daniel doesn't want him to either. Talking about it would be too much. Instead, they just sit there. Like they used to. Eventually, Daniel takes Sean's hand and places it around his shoulders. It made Sean smile a little. Even now, after all this pain, he's still Daniel. They're still the wolfbrothers.

How much time had passed? How long had they been sitting there? Hours, days, weeks? They didn't know. Daniel felt broken, ruined, like he would never feel like a child again. Sean feels conflicted. He knows that his brother's in terrible pain. In the mind of Sean, the only one capable of fixing it is their mother. He should take Daniel to see her. But then again, Daniel hates her.

There's no other way.

Sean stands up, offering his younger brother a helping hand.

"Come on, Daniel. There's someone I'd like you to meet. Someone I believe can help you." Daniel trusts Sean now, more than ever. He's not going to leave his brother's side. Daniel grabs the hand offered to him and stands up.

The wolfbrothers are sitting on a couch. They're waiting for a door to open. Well, at least Sean does. Daniel's just staring into oblivion. Occasionally, Sean hears him open his mouth, attempting to speak, but nothing ever comes out. His brother's shutting down. Sean's waiting for their mother to come out of that room. Her private office. He's never been allowed inside, and the area is strictly off-limits. Hopefully, she can help Daniel.

"Sean?" He jumps a bit, hearing Daniel speak for the first time in hours.

"Yes, Daniel?" Sean looks at him, not entirely sure what hurts him the most. Daniel's missing eye, or how sad and desperate his other eye looks.

"I don't want to live anymore." Sean and Daniel are brothers. They grew up together, laughed together, cried together, and learned from each other. Also, they did what most siblings do. They argued. Sometimes, Daniel would scream at his brother's face "I'm going to kill myself!" But Sean knew him. He knew that kid better than anyone else. Sean knew that Daniel was never anywhere remotely serious about it. This time, however, was different. Daniel didn't want to live. He wanted to die. Sean could see it.

"What? Daniel, why- why would you even say that?" Sean avoided telling him that suicide is a sin. He tried telling himself it was because Daniel never mentioned suicide in particular. His little brother turns his head back towards the wall, taking a deep breath.

"I was in a coma for two months, Sean…" Daniel begins telling Sean everything. Starting with him waking up from the coma, and continuing with the massacre of the same people who saved his life. Daniel keeps his eye straight forward, too afraid to look at his older brother. Sean listens as more and more tears begin to pour down his face.

"I walked through the desert, Sean. Then I realized that I just turned ten. Ten, Sean. I- I didn't feel any older, or bigger, or smarter. I was nothing, Sean. Nothing. I thought I would die out there. I really did." The easy part of the story is over. Now for the… other stuff.

"But you didn't die, Daniel. You made it. You're strong." Maybe. But not strong enough.

"These- these two guys offered me a ride. I felt like I had nothing to lose, so I got in the van with them." Daniel starts choking on his own words.

"They were nice to me at first. I got clean clothes, food, water, they told me funny stories…" Shit. Is he really going through with this?

"But then…" Daniel stops, unable to speak a single word more.

"Then what, Daniel?" Sean noticed his brother's change in mood. Whatever happened next, Sean felt like he has to know what it was. Daniel slowly turns to him, letting Sean pull him in for a hug. Daniel felt his brother's heartbeat. In a strange way, it was comforting, giving him the courage he needed so badly to continue. With Sean's arms around him like a protective shield and Sean's chin on top of his head, he felt safe enough. Daniel told him the full story. The words were small, silent, painful, and ever so gruesome.

"It- it was horrible, Sean. They locked me in the back of the van, and…."

Only when Daniel's finished, does Sean realize the magnitude of what he just heard. What just happened to his little brother. He should have been there, protecting him with his life. But instead, it's because of him Daniel was out there, to begin with. He failed him. Sean would do anything to free his brother from this pain. Anything. No price would be too high. It takes every fiber of his being, every prayer imaginable, to hold back the "old" Sean. The men that did this to his brother, don't deserve prison.

They deserve death.

"No, Sean. No. Murder… is a sin." He mentally curses himself for even considering it. Right now, all he should do is comfort his little brother.

However…

The door opens and out steps reverend Reynolds. Sean immediately stands up, almost on a pure reflex. Mom or not, he must show the reverend respect as she enters the room.

"Hello, Sean. How does it feel to be a part of our community?" She sees Daniel, looking at him with disgust. A ten-year-old shirtless Mexican boy, with a back so burned, he looks like he's been fried. Oh, right. He's missing his left eye too. There's some gauze over it, of course, but at this point, it's more yellow and reddish than it is white. Next to him stands Sean. All dressed up in white clean clothes. The color of purity and innocence. The clothes hide most of his scars, making him look somewhat normal. Oh, how times can change.

"Who is your friend, Sean?" Karen's tone told it all. She wasn't amused. Sean kneels next to his brother, looking at him.

"Ok. Relax. You got this. You knew this day would come." Sean tries to calm himself down. As much as he's been longing for his mother, he's been dreading this moment equally. The day when he's forced to introduce Daniel to his mother.

"Daniel. I want you to meet someone, ok?" He could hear Karen gasp as he said his brother's name. Gotta move fast. But Daniel paid him no attention. The poor kid's so broken.

"Her name is-" Lord give me strength.

"Her name is Karen." He could hear Daniel stop breathing for a second before looking up.

"She's our mother, Daniel."

Notes:

I feel a lot better about this chapter than the last. I've always enjoyed writing Daniel's chapters more than Sean's. Not sure why. Maybe because I relate more to Daniel? Now, this chapter has an important topic to me. The topic in question?

Suppressed memories. First, I'm gonna start off by saying that my suppressed memories are from a time when I was sick a lot (long story short, epilepsy is hell). So nothing similar to what Daniel went through.

However, It's been about ten years now. But I'll never forget when those memories returned. I did my best here, trying to put those emotions to word, but I feel like nothing can do it justice. You literally feel insane at that very moment.

Also, I was bored so I messed around a bit in Photoshop. I tried creating the Daniel Diaz we see in this fic.

Anyway, feel free to leave any comment down below.

Enjoy!

K. S.

The helper.
Traumatized.
Branded.
The nobody.
Brainwashed.
Blind.

Between them.

Lies a web.
The nobody is already trapped in it.
The helper is free.
He can help the nobody.
The question is...

How much longer can the helper remain a helper, without getting help for himself?
And what happens on the day he cannot go on?

Chapter 6: Breaking Point

Summary:

Facing his mother for the first time, Daniel's in for his fair share of rude awakenings. The question is, how much more can he take?

Notes:

Tags!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Daniel just sat there. He couldn't believe this was real. It felt surreal. He didn't even know how to react. Daniel didn't know how to react, and he hated himself for it. When he looked his mother in the eyes for the first time in his life, it brought back emotions he hasn't felt in years. The longing for his mother, the curiosity, wanting to meet her, know her. Hell, just hug her. Part of him wanted that so badly.

Then there's that other part. The part that has dominated his mind over the last five years. The part telling him to slowly break every bone in her body, one by one. Not even that would compare to the pain she's caused Daniel and his brother. She doesn't deserve to live.

"M-mom?" He's never said it like that. He didn't realize how much he needed it. It felt weird for some reason. Mom…

"Are you Daniel?" He studies her appearance a bit. She almost got a royal presence about her. He can feel the tears coming. Daniel tries to resist, but it's pointless.

"Mom…" Daniel burst out crying as he hugged his mother for the first time at the age of ten. It was as if all of his many problems had been solved. Daniel felt safe, happy, and- dare he say, normal. Perfect. Everything felt absolutely perfect.

Perhaps too perfect…

He could feel his mother's hands forcing him to break the hug. She looks down at him with a serious look on her face.

"Daniel. I know all about you and your sins during your time on the run." Shit. What did Sean tell her? He didn't tell her about the powers, did he? No, he would never-

"I would love to take you in, Daniel. However, while your brother's got many sins weighing down his soul, yours is different, my child. You have murdered, tortured, stolen, assaulted… and you have done so, with the devil's curse." Sean, you fucking-

"I'm afraid I cannot allow a monster into my community. Leave, Daniel Diaz. Leave now, and never return." What the fuck? Seriously? Daniel looks at his brother. Sean just stands there, eyes at the floor while holding his wrist.

"What the- you can't just- this is- this is BULLSHIT! Come on, Sean, we're leaving." But Sean isn't moving an inch.

"Sean?" Their mother stands between them, symbolically stopping Daniel from getting to his brother.

"I think Sean's made up his mind. He likes it here." That smile. It's the fakest of fake. Daniel wants to just rip her fucking black heart out, and force-feed it to her. But it won't get Sean back.

"She's right, Daniel. I have to stay here. It's better for everyone if I do. Here, I can't hurt anyone. You should just leave me here. I'm… sorry." Daniel couldn't believe what he was hearing. This wasn't Sean speaking, this was someone else. What happened to him?

"But- but Sean, I love you. You're my big brother." Daniel cries out in desperation. Then he felt a large arm surrounding him, lifting him in the air.

David. His mother's second in command. Thing is, Daniel had no idea who he was. And the last time a large arm lifted him was in the desert. In the back of that van. Daniel relives everything again. He kicks, he screams, he claws, he bites, and most of all, he cries.

"Don't you ever come back here!" The large man screamed at him as he threw him out on the street like a piece of garbage. Sean's nowhere to be seen. He could, however, see his mother walk slowly towards him. Every single instinct in his brain told him to run. But he didn't. He was so tired. Of everything. Tired of running, tired of the pain, tired of life itself. Karen kneels next to him.

"Poor little lost boy. You remind me of someone I used to know. His name was Stephen. He was a kind man. But, like you, Stephen was nosy. He didn't take no for an answer. Things did not… turn out that well for poor Stephen. I'd advise you to accept your defeat, Daniel." He feels so weak. Daniel would kill her now if he only had the strength. But it's too late, she's already gone back inside.

Daniel doesn't move. The one thing keeping him going was that he might see his brother again. But Sean doesn't want him. So what the fuck is the point? Wait a second…

Stephen.

Why did that name sound so familiar? He's never met anyone named Stephen, that he's sure of. Relatives? His father's Mexican, so that's a no. That leaves only grandpa, but he's-

That fucking murderous cunt!

Did she kill her own father?

Yes. Yes, she did. It explains why Claire never wanted to speak of it. Daniel could feel the rage inside. But this wasn't the usual rage, triggering his powers, building them up into a ticking time-bomb. This was a type of rage that gives its host the energy needed to carry on. Daniel would never let her win. Over his dead body. Slowly, he stands up.

"You destroyed me you bitch. And you killed my grandfather. But you're not taking Sean. Either you die, or I die." Daniel turns around and walks away from the church. Live today, fight tomorrow. Step one, clothes. He's still walking around shirtless while looking like a burn victim.

Daniel scouts the small community for a while. It's barely dinnertime yet, and everything's already closed for the day. Good for him. He uses his powers to break open the door with ease. The first thing he needed to find was a decent T-shirt. However, something else caught his attention. For reasons unknown, this store still sold Halloween decorations. The item caught in his line of sight was an eye patch.

Well, it might be a bit corny, but he's fucking sick of wearing this stupid gauze. Daniel takes the eye patch. He hesitates. It looks sort of… bland. Boring, almost. Black, and nothing more. He looks around and finds some crayons in the kid's section. Daniel sits down cross-legged on the floor, eye-patch in one hand, white crayon in the other. Now, what should he draw?

A noose? It would kinda represent his feelings at the moment.

An upside-down cross, because fuck it, why not?

No. He wants something more… serious, and personal. He wants to feel hopeful again.

"I got it!" Daniel calls out loudly. His fingers move at near light speed, and five minutes later, he's finished. His black eye patch has two white wolves. One big, and one small. The big one running after the smaller one. The wolfbrothers.

"There. Now, you're with me anywhere I go, Sean." Daniel says as he stands up. He rips off the gauze, preparing to put on the eye patch. Then, in the corner of his eye, he saw a mirror. Daniel still hasn't fully seen the extent of his injuries. That day at the hospital is just a massive blur to him. He covers his eye with a hand, beginning a slow walk to the mirror.

"Come on, dude. You gotta see it, sooner or later. You can do this. Just… don't think about it." Don't think about the hundreds of innocent lives that were lost the last time you tried this. Yeah. Easier said than done. Daniel removes his hand, looking at his face in the mirror.

He doesn't like it.

There's nothing left.

An empty pit of oblivion.

He's a freak.

"What- what the fuck are you?" He slowly lifts his hand towards his mirror-face. The very second his fingers touch the glass it breaks into a million pieces. Not even mirrors could stand him. Daniel collapsed to the floor, pulling his knees to his chest. Whatever he just saw in that mirror, he never wanted to see it again. But he knows it's virtually impossible.

"Fuck. Get your shit together, dude. It's not about you. Sean. It's about saving Sean from… her." Daniel stands up. He looks around for some clothes, finally settling for a blue T-shirt with a wolf that howls at the moon. Also, he may or may not have grabbed about twenty pounds of Chock-O-Crisp before leaving. Step one, check. Step two, where the fuck to sleep tonight? This place is way too small to have a motel, and even if it did, he doesn't have any money.

Daniel sighs heavily.

He's not proud of it.

But there's no other way.

Daniel walks up to the closest house, preparing to snap the neck of whoever opens.

But that did not happen.

"Yes?" Opening the door was a woman in her early forties. Something about her face. It just told you that she's lived a painful life, and she's a good person. Maybe she'll understand? Obviously, these are things Daniel thought of later. At the time, it just kind of… happened.

"Help me, please. I- I don't wanna live anymore. I want to… die. I have no one. Nothing. Help me." Daniel had said through tears before passing out at the front door. For a split second, he felt free. He believed his life force was leaving him, freeing him from his misery.

Instead, he woke up many hours later in a bed. At first, he was disappointed over the fact that he was still alive. Then he remembered how he got here. He looks around the room, trying to determine if it's good or bad. Hmm…

Strong vibrant, blue color? Check. Bedsheets with wolves on? Check. The coziest fucking bed ever?! Mega-check! Yep. This would be the room of a child. It made Daniel bitter over the fact that he never got to be a child. He looks to his side. A small table with a bottle of water, a small bell of sorts, and… a note. He reads the note.

"Hi! You passed out, and we couldn't leave you. If nobody's around when you wake up, just ring the bell, and someone will come." Guess that explains the little bell. Daniel takes it and rings. Fucking hell, the sound gives him ear cancer! After a minute or so, someone enters the room. Not quite what Daniel was expecting.

A small boy, probably a few years younger than himself enters the room. He looks at Daniel, trying to force a smile. He seems shy. Who can blame him?

"Hi." The boy says excitedly.

"Oh. Hi there." Why does he feel so awkward?

"Are you feeling any better?" Huh, now when he thinks about it, he does. His back doesn't hurt one bit. Sure, it still looks like shit, but it doesn't hurt, and it's definitely healed since the last time he saw it.

"Uh, yeah. I do. Thanks." Did Sean feel this awkward every time they spoke? If so, he did a great job at hiding it.

"Oh. Don't thank me, thank my mom. She fixed you. Me? I just… kinda made this." The boy puts a plate on the table next to Daniel. All of a sudden, Daniel realized that he was kind of on the other side. Usually, he's the young child that wants someone's approval, while Sean's the one to grant it. Now, this boy, whoever he is, is Daniel. And Daniel is Sean. He's Sean.

It felt weird.

In more ways than one. This kid doesn't even know his name, yet he still wants his approval. Daniel could squash his self-esteem forever by telling him how shitty his food looked. However, Daniel's many things. Big bad brother's not one of them. Plus, the food looked pretty damn good. Especially considering that a kid made it. Daniel sits up, barely even taking time to chew the food. Something, something, something, shrimps? Or was it chicken? He's not sure. It was good, and he's a starved wolf.

"Hey. What's your name?" Daniel asks him.

"I'm Tommy, what's yours?" The boy named Tommy asks.

"I'm… Chris. The food was awesome, Tommy!" Daniel sees the other child's face become red before he runs off. He lies on his back staring at the ceiling. Now he reminded himself of Chris. Great. What the hell is going on with his life? He knocked on the door, hell-bent on killing everyone inside and use the house as his own. But the second the door opened, he just broke. He can't do this anymore.

The running.

The violence.

The killing.

He can't take it. Daniel's got nobody by his side, not even Sean. All he's got is a house full of strangers. And judging by his experience with kind strangers, Daniel's probably on his way to becoming one of those kids in a factory. A factory located in Taiwan or some shit. He can't trust these people. But he can't keep hurting everyone either.

"Are you feeling any better?" Daniel nearly jumped to his feet. The woman he saw at the door had entered the room. Just like the last time, she looked so calm and caring.

"I- I guess. Thanks." Daniel can't even look at her. He's alive thanks to her. But she doesn't know that she's only alive because Daniel passed out. He feels terrible.

"You want to talk about it?" The woman sits on a chair next to the bed.

"Talk about what?" Yeah. Real smooth, Daniel. Real smooth.

"You don't have to tell me your name if you don't want to. But my name is Lisbeth Fischer. You passed out on my doorstep, saying you wanted to die." Shit. It's not exactly… untrue, but he just doesn't feel like talking about it.

"I- I don't wanna talk about it." Daniel looks away, trying to hide his tears.

"I can hear you, you know. In your sleep. You call out for your brother, telling him that you're sorry and that you miss him. You call out for Sea-" Daniel cut her off.

"Sean. My brother Sean." The pain is almost unbearable. He can't live like this, knowing that Sean's forever lost into a fucking cult.

"Do you want to talk about Sean?" No. he really fucking doesn't.

"No." Daniel can barely get the word out.

"Are you sure? Sometimes, talking about it, makes you feel better-" Nope.

"I said NO! Get out! Get out, get out, get the FUCK OUT!" Lisbeth seems slightly shocked by his outburst and leaves the room, closing the door behind her.

"Sean… I can't-" Daniel gets out of the bed, starting to go through every drawer in the room. He's not even sure why, or what he's looking for.

Until he finds it.

Maybe this is what he was looking for, maybe not. Maybe it's the solution to all of his problems? Right now, it feels like it. At the bottom of a drawer, Daniel finds a long, thick rope. He takes it and walks into the bathroom.

It took a while, but eventually, he succeeds in making a noose. Daniel hangs the noose from a hook in the ceiling. He sighs heavily as he lifts a chair under it. For the last time in his misery of life, Daniel looks at himself in the mirror. He takes a deep breath as he rips off the eye patch.

"You ran away, little wolf." He hated everything he saw in that mirror.

"You ran away, searching for a better life. But you didn't know…" He looks at himself. Feeling more disgusted by the second.

"You should never have left." The cuts on his face, courtesy of his drunken brother. His missing eye, technically his own fault. A missing tooth, also Sean. But the real wounds are much more subtle. The slight bruising on his throat, or just the fact that he's terrified of taking a shower because he doesn't want to see his own body after… that.

Daniel shakes his head rapidly. He can't relive it again. It's time. Time to end it. He steps up onto the chair, putting the noose around his neck, feeling tears making their way down his face. This is it, isn't it? It's game over for him. End of the road. Unless a miracle would happen and Sean comes through the door, lifting him down.

But he doesn't.

"I'm so sorry, Sean. I'm gonna miss you, big brother. We'll see each other again, maybe. I- I love you. Goodbye." With those last words, Daniel kicked the chair from under his feet. He fell, with the rope stopping him mid-air. The pain was surreal at first, unlike anything he's ever felt before. However, gradually the pain began feeling more and more… distant. His neck still hurt by being stretched in unnatural ways. His throat still hurt because the rope was almost crushing it. Daniel's lungs still hurt because he couldn't breathe.

His body hurt.

Daniel, however, did not.

All that pain, suffering, despair, and misery slowly began to fade away. Taking their place was never-ending darkness. The body of ten-year-old Daniel Felipe Diaz had ceased to move as his life force faded away.

Notes:

I kinda like this chapter. Daniel's reaction towards meeting his mom is actually a lot more common than most people might think. If you've never met one of your parents, and all you ever want to do is meet them, you're bound to freak out when you do. Daniel's the opposite. He wants nothing to do with her, kill her even. When he sees her, he just wants a hug from his mommy.

Karen killing Stephen? Way back in episode 2 I said his death was "a means to an end" did I not? More on that later on...

Daniel planning to kill everyone in the house kinda felt logical. He's in a very dark place and the only one who can save him is Sean. And now, Sean needs saving. Daniel's willing to do anything to help his brother. But now, all of his wrongdoings catch up with him. He breaks, plain and simple. Oh, and Lisbeth's the one helping him. That's mostly because I suck at coming up with decent names (yes, really).

As far as the ending goes, Daniel simply couldn't go on. He felt done, defeated. By everyone and everything in life. Defeated by life itself. Other than that, I won't comment any further.

As always, I like comments.

Enjoy!

K. S.

Unable to move.
Unable to breathe.
Unable to think.
Unable to sleep.

Anywhere you go...
It follows.

Never are you safe.
Only sorry.
You do not feel happy.
Just sad.
There is no laughter.
Only tears.

No safety.
Only fear.
No friends.
Just foes.
No healing from it.
Just more of it.

Trauma.

You wish to be free.
Now you are.
No pain.
No suffering.
No trauma.

Run little wolf.
You are free.

Chapter 7: Be In The Mirror

Summary:

Daniel decided to end it all. But where does one end up when your time runs out?

Notes:

This got seriously longer than I expected. Just trying out something...

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Unknown location…

Daniel found himself on a flat surface of unknown materials. He didn't know where he was, just that he was outside. How he knew that he couldn't even be sure of himself. The area underneath his feet, the sky, along with everything around him are white. A bright white color that would make his eyes hurt on any other day.

Speaking of which…

He's got two eyes again! Yes, really. Daniel looks around to try to make sense of the situation.

"Hello?" No response, other than a loud echo.

"Hellooo? Anybody hereee?!" Weird. Usually, this would either scare him or piss him off. But he feels neither of those emotions. Instead, he feels curious. Again, weird. Daniel can see something in the distance and decides to head towards it. Every step he takes gives off a loud echo throughout the whole place.

"What is this place?" He wonders. He's outside, that much is certain. But there's nothing here. No plants, no birds, no trees, no wind, no rain. There's just… him. Closing in on the foreign object, Daniel realizes that it is a mirror. Did he even want to see himself in the mirror now? He remembered what he did, why he did it, and how it felt. But he doesn't realize that right now, Daniel Felipe Diaz…

Is dead.

"Wow, dude. You've changed…" Daniel looked himself in the mirror. For once, he didn't cry or freak out. He actually smiled. Looking back at him was a ten-year-old boy with both eyes intact, wearing a white suit and tie. His long, dirty hair was back to its normal length and seemed to be cleaner than ever. The burn mark on his forehead was gone. So were all of his other scars. Both visible and invisible. Daniel could still remember everything, but for some reason, it did not seem to hurt him. Not even a little.

Daniel notices something with his wide smile…

"Oh, no way! Sweet. Finally, I can eat steak again." His teeth were back, intact, and whiter than ever before. He's not sure why, but Daniel suddenly feels an enormous amount of joy, begging him to just unleash it.

So he did.

"I DID IT! I'M FREE! OOOOWWWOOOOOOOOOOO… OWOO OOWWOOOOOOOO!" Daniel howled at the bright, white sky. For the first time in his young life, he felt free. No pain, no torture, no fear, no trauma.

Just freedom.

"What's that smell?" Who is he even asking? Nobody's around.

"It smells like- wow…" Daniel could swear that wasn't there a few seconds ago. To his side, now stands a table covered in a white table cloth. Next to it is a white chair. Jeez, what's with all the white?

On the table, itself was a large steak, just the way Daniel liked it. A little red on the inside. Coincidence? Yeah, probably. But hey, he is hungry. Daniel sits down on the chair, preparing to eat a fine steak.

"Hope I don't ruin this suit…" He takes one bite and almost wants to scream.

"Fuck this is good!" Best steak ever. So great that Daniel doesn't even notice how a black chair appears out of thin air. So great that Daniel didn't hear the footsteps. Neither did he notice the smell. Or stench. Blood, sweat, dirt, tears, and god knows what else.

"Oh, man! That. Was. So. Good. I want a Chock-O-Crisp sooo badly right about… now." Daniel tries to hint towards whoeverthefuck is in control.

"Here, have mine. I can't eat it anyway, cuz, you know, teeth?" Daniel nearly choked on the last piece of steak. He knew that voice.

No, it wasn't Sean.

And it sure as hell wasn't his father.

Or Chris, because fuck him.

It was himself.

"Ok if I sit down? We need to talk, dude." Daniel just looks on in horror. What the actual freaking fuck is going on? The other Daniel sits down opposite him on the black chair.

"Who- who are you?" Ok, that's kind of a dumb question. But what the fuck is he supposed to say?

"You already know that. But I don't blame you for not recognizing me- or… us." Fair enough. This Daniel looks so much different from the one he saw in the mirror, moments ago. He's dressed in a black suit and tie, his hair is messy, long, and dirty. And the scars, shit. Two large, blood-red scars on his face, caused by Sean. One of his teeth is missing. And then there's the burn mark on the forehead.

Worse than any of it is the bruising on his neck, which covers most of it. Must be from the noose. Somehow, he's not in the mood for Chock-O-Crisp any longer.

"Wh- what do you want?" Daniel asks his punching bag of a twin.

"That's the wrong question to ask, you know. The question is…" He leans forward, putting his elbows on the table. The white underneath is colored red by blood.

"… What do you want, Daniel Felipe Diaz?" Simple.

"I just wanted to be free. And now, I feel free." His evil twin gives him a look that tells him that he's just full of shit.

"Are you? Really? Do you have any idea of what you have done? Do you even know where you are right now?" No, but he'd love to find out.

"Uhm, I kinda-" Ok, he didn't have an answer and the evil twin called him out on it.

"From the day you were born, he protected you. He protected you with his life. He's sacrificed his physical and mental wellbeing… for you. Your brother would have died to save you. And what did you do, the very second the tables were turned? You weren't prepared to die, trying to save your brother. Instead, you died to avoid having to save him." No. That's not true. It's just… complicated.

"I just couldn't do it. Too much shit-" The other Daniel bangs his fists into the table.

"So you're just gonna fucking leave him like that? Your own brother? He did everything, trying to keep you safe. Sure, he fucked up a bunch of times…" He points at his missing eye.

"But he loves me- you- us, FUCK!" Deep down, Daniel knows that his evil twin has a point. But even if he does, it's too late.

"I- I know. I just don't know what to do anymore." His twin just shakes his head.

"And why is that? Are you afraid of him getting hurt? No, that's not it. You're afraid of her, aren't you? You're afraid of mommy?" Daniel can't answer, won't answer. He nods.

"Do you want to know what this place is, Daniel?" His twin stands up, inviting Daniel to join him.

"I- I guess." He stands up and the identical, yet very different boys begin their walk.

They walk for several minutes, the only sound heard is their footsteps and the echoes coming from them. After a while, the evil twin spoke in an almost worrying tone.

"What do you think happens when you die, Daniel?" Wow. He's never really thought about it. Like, at all. Claire taught him about heaven and hell, but that's about it.

"I dunno. The bad go to hell, the good go to heaven, I guess." His evil twin giggled.

"That's cute. There's so much more to it than that, but we don't have the time." Dickhead.

"What do you mean, we don't have time?" Seems like he's got all the time in the world here.

"How the fuck should I know, Daniel?! I'm ten, just like you. Ten. Now, listen closely, ok?" Daniel feels so confused but pays attention.

"When a person dies, their fate has been sealed since before they were born. They will end up… somewhere, Fuck if I know. But this place, Daniel. This place is for those who possess an uncertain future. Is it their time to pass on, or is it not? That will be decided here, now. If not, you will spend an eternity in this empty space, this realm between realms. You have a choice to make, Daniel. Do you understand?" No. Not a god-damn thing.

"Uhh… what?" What kind of choice?

"And you're supposed to be the brains of the family, huh? Guess I need to spell it out for you." His evil twin holds up both his palms. The left is empty, and the right has a Chock-O-Crisp in it.

"Take my right hand, eat some chocolate, and then… disappear. Daniel Felipe Diaz will be no more. Not in life, not in the realm between realms, only in death. It will be the easy way out, the comfortable way out. The Diaz way out." Daniel must admit it. He kinda likes how that path sounds.

"By taking my left hand, you will agree to fight for your life. I cannot guarantee that you'll make it. If you do not, then your journey is over. Take my left hand, save your brother, and reclaim the better life that both of you deserve. Save Sean." Fuck. He should do it. Save Sean. It's the right thing to do. But he can't do it.

"I- I can't. I'm sorry, Sean. I love you." Daniel takes the Chock-O-Crisp from the right hand of his evil twin or whateverthefuck that thing is. He removes the wrapper, staring at it. One bite, and it's over. Eternal freedom.

Daniel bites down hard, instantly feeling remorse beyond this world. But it's too late to back out now. Within a few seconds, it would all be over forever.

"I'm sorry, Daniel." His evil twin said to him.

"For what? I'm gonna be free." Why would he be sorry?

"Yeah… about that…" W. H. A. T.

"I kinda lied. You see, since I'm technically you, I know how you think. I knew you would chicken out. So I lied about the options you had. I told you that left was life, and right was death. But actually… it's the other way around." No.

No.

No!

NO!

NO!

NO!

He can't go back there. Please. Anything would be better than that. But it's too late. Daniel could already see how his left field of vision began to disappear. In the distance, he could hear voices.

"Is he gonna be ok, mom?" A young boy. He sounds very worried.

"I- I don't know Tommy. He's fighting. Don't stop fighting, little one. Don't give up." A woman, middle-aged.

Daniel's now very fucking evil twin looks at him and smiles. But it's not a smile telling him "have fun, little shit." No. It's a smile that tells him "run, little wolf. You are free. Now, free your brother, before it's too late."

"SEAN-" Daniel screamed as he woke up on the floor. However, the pain stopped him from barely getting a single word out. He just coughed. Over and over again.

" Shh, don't talk, little one. Don't talk. Just breathe for me, ok? Breathe…" Daniel did as told. He could slowly feel his senses coming back again. Hearing, that's always the first one for some reason. Next up, smell. Someone, probably him, has thrown up recently. Oh, how wonderful it is to be alive again. Now, Daniel could taste an all-too-familiar metallic taste in his mouth. That would be blood. His tongue? Another tooth? Fuck if he knew? Right, touch…

It's his tongue. Zero doubt. Fuck it hurts. Daniel opens his eyes, discovering that he's been demoted to "eye" again. Fuck. He sees the friendly face of Lisbeth the mother, and Tommy the scared shitless son. Daniel didn't blame the poor kid. Everything hurt. So fucking much. His neck, throat, head, tongue, lungs- fucking everything. Daniel cried. But he couldn't make even the slightest sound because of the pain.

"Shh. Don't cry. You're safe now. We will help you get better, do you hear? We will help you with anything and everything you need." Right now, Daniel only needs one thing.

"S- Se- Se- Sean…" His throat felt like acid, but he had to say it. When he did, Daniel felt a large hand on his forehead and a small one on his shoulder.

"We'll help you find Sean. I promise." Lisbeth tells him.

"Yeah! And I'll help you too, Chris!" Right. Chris. Gotta keep the mask on for the kid. Daniel kinda wished he picked a different name. One that didn't hurt so much, like Finn, or Brody, or… anything else. Just not Chris.

Daniel had been physically unable to stand up on his own. Lisbeth had to carry him to the bed. After doing so, she told him to rest, and that they would talk tomorrow. Obviously, she had nearly emptied his room as well. Nothing left inside for him to hurt himself with now. But he didn't plan on doing so either. Daniel plans on something else.

He plans on saving Sean.

Still, he can't help but wonder what made him change his mind in such a hell-bent way. First, he tries to kill himself. Then, as he does with everything he touches, he fails. Seriously, how pathetic is he? He can't even kill himself without failing miserably. Yet somehow, when he woke up, the first thing on his mind was to save his brother. Maybe that weird dream had something to do with it? Daniel tries so hard to remember it.

What was it about?

Daniel barely remembers anything. Something with Chock-O-Crisp, chickens, and… mirrors?

Nah, it's all gone now. But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because he knows what to do next.

What is he going to do next?

He's going to save Sean.

Notes:

I know, I know... a bit of a weird chapter. I didn't plan on it being this long, but stuff happened... I guess. There's a lot of hidden symbolism in this chapter. Sean's near-death experience for example is just darkness, but with a small light. Daniel, however, is just bright & white. Then compare "Daniel" with "Evil Daniel." One is clean, no wounds, no nothing, all dressed in white. One is dirty, smelly, covered in blood, has tons of wounds, misses an eye, and is dressed in black-only.

The decision to have Daniel "choose" death instead of "save Sean" felt sort of like what he would do there. He feels like he can't go back, and even if he can, he's not even sure if he wants to. But in this case, he has to. So his evil twin had to lie.

The name of this chapter, "Be In The Mirror" felt kinda fitting for Daniel talking to a different version of himself. Also, it's the title of a theme song from "Tekken 2" which scared the ever-living shit out of me as a kid (seriously, look it up!)

Remember, I like reading comments!

Enjoy!

K. S.

He is dead.
You killed him.
You cried for him.
But you had no right to do so.
You were sorry.
When it was far too late.

You try to make amends.
Try to live with it.
With yourself.
But you can't.
You miss him.
Enano.

You pray for him.
You pray for his soul.
But most of all...
You pray for his return.
And there he stands.
Enano.

Joy.
Relief.
Grateful.
Is what you should feel.

Shame.
Doubt.
Conflict.
Is what you really feel.

Right.
Wrong.
True.
False.

Brother.
Mother.
OR
Another.

Lord, guide me on my path...

Chapter 8: Antichrist Enano

Summary:

Sean thought he killed his little brother, but he was alive. Thing is, that doesn't necessarily mean that things get any easier for him. Meanwhile, Daniel recovers from his suicide attempt, making a new friend along the way.

Notes:

Tags!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Meanwhile, in another part of town…

Sean gasped for air. He ran back to his room after his mother had Daniel removed from the building.

Daniel.

He's alive. All this time, Sean's been convincing himself that he's killed his little brother. But he's alive, he always was. This is exactly what Sean wanted. His brother, alive. So why then, does it feel so wrong? Why does it feel like he doesn't have any room for Daniel in his life? Maybe it's true? But Sean doesn't want it to be true. Still, he knows that his place is here now. And Daniel's is not.

As much as it hurt him to admit it, Daniel's a sinner. A big one too. Some of his sins, just like his mother said, are unforgivable. Sending him away was the right thing to do, and Sean knows it. So why did he get that lump in his stomach? And why does it keep growing? He did nothing wrong, he did everything right.

"Sean? Can I come in?" It's his mother. Of course, she can come in. Sean's never going to send her away. He didn't have time to answer before his mother enters the room, closing the door behind her. She looks worried, scared even.

"Are you alright, my son?" No. he's never been alright.

"He- Daniel, he's alive. I- I thought I killed him, mom. Killed him." Sean cries as his mother embraces him.

"I know, Sean. I know. You want to feel joy, and a part of you probably does. But you must understand, Sean, your brother… is not one of us. He's not a true believer. And even if he were to become one, his soul- it cannot be saved. I'm sorry. Had it been up to me, I would do everything in my power to save both my sons. But I'm afraid it is out of my control. Daniel staying here, it would doom us all."

"Are- are you sure? I mean, he's just… Daniel. Just Daniel. Enano. My little brother." Sean's not even sure if he wants to be saved any longer. He's not sure about anything right now.

"I'm sorry, Sean. The answer is yes. The lord's will works in mysterious ways sometimes. We're not always meant to understand why, just what." Sean hated this. He hated it because he knew she was right.

"What- what do I have to do, mom?" Sean cried as he looked at the floor. He felt Karen's hand on his shoulder.

"Daniel is stubborn, you've told me that before. He'll come back for you. You cannot leave this sacred ground, Sean. By doing so, you'll be condemning your soul to an eternity of pain and suffering beyond this world. You cannot leave, and neither can Daniel. You may have to choose, Sean. Stay here with me, and continue your work to repair your damaged soul. Or, run away with your brother, condemning the both of you forever."

Sean didn't know what to say. How did it come to this? If he leaves, he'll burn, and if he stays, he won't see Daniel again. And if Daniel comes back, does he have what it takes? Can he do it? Does he want to? Perhaps this is his final test? After this, Sean will be forgiven? But at the cost of Daniel's life? Why is he even considering it as an option? Unless…

It is the lord's will.

Inside a house, five minutes away…

Daniel felt weird. He felt like a big brother. Daniel was in no shape to go after Sean yet. He had to recover from his injuries before doing anything at all. There was, however, a few things he could do around this house. Lisbeth's son, Tommy, had all of a sudden begun looking at him like his big brother. A television had been moved into Daniel's room, and with it, the new Playbox.

The pair spent many hours, playing video games, and it almost made Daniel feel like a normal kid. Then again, he's never really had a normal life, so how would he know how that feels? Daniel wondered if this was how Sean used to feel about spending time together with him. It felt so strange, being on the other side of things. Now, Daniel had to be the one telling a younger boy the basics of video gaming. "Don't go there, you'll die. Always go here, there's loot." All that stuff. Sometimes, he got a bit annoyed. Tommy wasn't exactly the smartest kid in town, but he had a good heart, something Daniel told him to treasure.

"Hey, Daniel? Can I ask you something?" Oh, right. They knew his real name now. They didn't care about him being wanted. Out here, nobody cared much about anything.

"Yeah, sure." He didn't think much of it. The kid's like, six years old.

"Are you sure? It's kinda… big?" Daniel paused the game, turning his attention to the boy sitting next to him.

"Nah, it's fine. Go ahead." He would immediately regret those words.

"I- I- why did you try to kill yourself, Daniel?" Shit. He wasn't expecting that one. Daniel looks away, uncertain how to react. Every part of his body tells him to react in different ways.

"Kill him. He doesn't deserve your story! Do it, do it NOW!"

"Run away! Far away. If you're fast, it will be like this never even happened."

"Cry, little wolf. Just cry."

"For fuck's sake you stupid idiot, for once in your life just stay put and talk!"

Surprisingly, Daniel goes with option number four. Perhaps opening up to someone close to his own age would feel easier?

"Where's your dad, Tommy?" Daniel asked him before taking a deep breath. Can he do this? Should he do this?

"Oh. I- I don't see him much. He lives in New York, I think. I only see him a couple of times a year. He works a lot." Well, at least you have a decent dad to see, kid. Be glad for that.

"What about your dad, Daniel? Do you see him more than I see my dad?" God, this kid. He doesn't see the evil of this world. Almost a shame to ruin it. Almost…

"My dad, Tommy… my dad, he was a monster," Daniel says, his voice completely devoid of any emotions.

"For as long as I can remember, he beat my brother. He beat Sean. Every day. Then he started to come after me. Sean stood up for me though. He always did. Sean never expected anything in return, he just saw it as his… brotherly duty or some shit." Daniel continues his story as the younger boy listens in shock.

"Every day was hell. Every day, I was afraid. I never wanted to come home. Maybe Sean had died? Or maybe Sean wasn't home and dad was drunk. But I always had to get home. Always. I hated it. I hated that house, I hated school, I hated my so-called friends. But most of all, I hated my dad. Hell, he's dead, and I still hate him." Daniel continues. He had expected himself to cry, but he doesn't. The pain is simply too great. Crying wouldn't be enough.

"We were gonna run away. To something better. To what, I don't fucking know. Maybe Sean didn't know either. But as much as our lives sucked back there, we should never have left." Tommy looks at him, shocked and confused.

"But- but- how can it be worse now?" God. Why? Why did you have to ask? Just… why?!

"Are you sure you wanna know? This is serious, dude?" He can at least try to act a bit like Sean. Act like he's the responsible one.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I can handle it." Well, we're about to find out. Daniel takes a deep breath.

"Ok, here it goes." Indeed.

"Since we decided to leave Seattle, I've been beaten to near-death twice. One time by dad, and the other… Sean. The last one did… this." Daniel points at his eye and the two scars on his face.

"I've seen Sean try to kill himself, I've been high on morphine, but that was kinda cool because I was flying in space. I was knocked out by this creep and dragged down to a sex-dungeon-" Tommy interrupts him.

"What's a sex-dungeon?" Umm…

"Uhhh, yeah. Ask- ask your mom about that one, ok?" Daniel hides his laughter with poorly fake coughs.

"Ok…" It felt kinda nice to be able to laugh at his misery sometimes. Maybe that's part of the process?

"Then, both me and Sean were drugged by a freakin' serial killer. He cut off this finger." Daniel could not believe he had almost forgotten about that. He's been through so much shit, it all kinda blends together.

"Did it hurt?" Duh.

"Nah, it wasn't so bad. Just a lot of blood." Ok, why did he say that? It hurt like hell.

"Wow…" The small boy looks at his finger in awe.

Daniel continues to detail every part of his journey so far. Every painful detail, not leaving anything out. Well, except for the power.

"So, that's it, I guess. That's… me." Daniel sighs as he finishes the story. Tommy looks at him curiously.

"You still didn't answer my question, Daniel." Wait, what?

"What do you mean?" He's told him literally everything. Well, almost.

"Just because I'm a kid, it doesn't mean I'm stupid. You didn't answer. Why did you try to kill yourself, Daniel?" Fuck! Does he have to say it out loud?

"I just- couldn't handle it. I didn't want to continue. All alone, nowhere to go, and- nobody gives a shit about me." Daniel's protective barrier came down, causing him to burst into tears. Simultaneously, he felt a slap to the face.

"Don't EVER say that again, EVER! I care, Daniel. I care!" Daniel did not expect an emotional outburst like that from someone so small.

"You mean it?" he wasn't even sure why he asked. Everything felt so surreal these days. Like it might disappear at any moment, only for him to wake up in the gutter somewhere.

"Daniel, you've been more than I friend to me. You're like-" The young child stopped as his face turned red.

"You're like a brother to me, Daniel. And I always wanted a brother." The boy almost whispers. Hearing it made Daniel feel something. An emotion he's never felt before. Is this how it feels to be proud of yourself? He's done a lot of bad things. But if a small, innocent child, looks up to him as his big brother? Then maybe, just maybe, he's done something right in his life?

"Thanks, man. It means a lot to me to hear that. More than you know." Probably more than Daniel himself knows as well.

"After you save your brother, then what? Where will you go?" That's a good question. Sean's always the one to come up with those plans. This time, however, Daniel seriously doubts that Sean's got any other plan in mind.

"I don't know. Figure shit out, I guess. One step at a time. Gotta get Sean first." Still, he needs to think of a plan. They're interrupted, however, as Lisbeth enters the room.

"Hello, Daniel. How are you feeling today?" Daniel liked her. She's kind, caring, and all sorts of nice.

"Better, I guess. My throat still hurts a bit. But not that bad. It's fine." Lisbeth sits down on a chair next to the bed.

"Daniel. I think that you're healthy enough now to save your brother. If you still want to-" Daniel almost jumped out of the bed.

"I am?! Yes, yes I'm ready. Let's save Sean! I'm ready to go, now!" Lisbeth slowly raised her hand as a sign for him to calm down a bit.

"Sorry." He almost felt embarrassed.

"It's fine, Daniel. I'm just glad to see you smiling." Daniel calms down, waiting for her to continue. She looks into his eye, very seriously. Daniel's starting to feel nervous.

"I know that I promised to help you free your brother. But-" He knew this was coming. Well, he didn't know it, but he kinda did in a way.

"But I cannot risk my own life and the life of my son. I will take Tommy, and we will go someplace safe for a few days. Feel free to use anything inside the house as you wish. I hope I can trust you, Daniel?" Shit.

"But- but- mom? No…" A heartbroken voice says next to Daniel.

"I'm sorry. I don't like it, but there's no other way. Pack your things, we're leaving in an hour." SHIT!

Two hours later…

Saying goodbye had been painful. Tommy had cried so much as he hugged Daniel goodbye. Daniel, for some reason, did not. He felt like he had to stay strong for his sake. Maybe it's his inner Sean talking? Now, Daniel Felipe Diaz's alone. Again.

Nowhere to run.

Nowhere to hide.

Suicide is the only way out-

NO!

"Fucking hell, dude! Keep it together. Keep it together. For Sean." He stood there, alone, in an empty house. The house itself wasn't very big, but it might as well have been a mansion. The emptiness made everything feel so hollow. Daniel wondered what his plan should be. Sean always called him the brains of the family. This would be a good time to live up to that name.

But he can't.

He can't figure shit out. All he can see in front of him is her. Karen. Sean's- their mother. She looks so harmless to the naked eye. But to Daniel, she's so much more.

His older brother, Sean, had his worst fear. That would be to become like his father. In some ways, it had already come true. Daniel hated to admit it, but it's the truth. Daniel, however, had a worst fear of his own. Something he's never shared with anyone, not even Sean. What is Daniel Felipe Diaz's worst fear?

Confronting his mother.

Some would say that he already did that the last time he was in that church. Daniel would disagree. He had been so shocked that the whole thing was over before he knew what even happened. But it doesn't matter now. What matters is, he's got to confront his worst fear on the entire planet, and he must do it without Sean's support.

How?

That's just the problem, isn't it? Daniel walks around inside the house, deep in thought. Eventually, he finds himself in the bathroom. The same bathroom where he tried to take his own life. He doesn't want to, but he can't avoid looking up. The damn hook he put the noose on broke, causing him to fall to the floor. Just looking at it gives him the creeps. Daniel turns his attention to the mirror in front of him.

He raises his right hand, using his powers to tear off a piece of glass from the mirror, about the size of his palm. He then levitates it right under his chin, feeling the sharp material pressed against his skin.

"I could do it." He thinks to himself.

"I could do it right now. Nobody could stop me, or save me. It would be so easy. It would finally be over." Daniel whispered as he held back tears.

"Should I do it?" Daniel asked the identical boy in the mirror.

"Fuck it. I don't fear death-" Wait…

Death.

That's it.

Daniel's sudden realization made him drop the piece of glass on the floor, where it landed perfectly between his toes.

"Stephen. Grandpa. She killed you. That bitch killed you, and Sean doesn't know." A smile begins to form on his lips.

That's fucking it!

It may not be a very detailed plan, but at least he's got an angle. A place to start. And it's a big one too. Time to get ready. He doesn't have any stuff to pack, so that's a nonexistent problem. He could do with a clean-up though. Daniel looks around in the bathroom until he finds a hair trimmer and a pair of scissors. It took a while, to get the hang of it, but in the end, Daniel's given himself a brand-new haircut. Well, newish. The same he's always had, just a lot shorter. Long hair in this heat is torture. Then, he does the one thing he's been dreading since what happened in that van.

He takes a shower.

His cuts didn't bother him, neither did the bruising on the neck. What bothered him, it could not be seen. Not by him, not by anybody else. But he felt it. Everywhere. He felt dirty. Daniel scrubbed every part of his body until it nearly began to bleed. Hell, in some places, it did bleed. But he never felt clean. Eventually, he admitted defeat. This is his life now. Getting out of the shower, Daniel fought to not throw up.

Five minutes later, however, it was as if it never happened. Lisbeth had been nice enough to buy him some new, clean clothes. He settles for a pair of black shorts, and a black T-shirt.

"Wow, cool." Well, his mom did call him the antichrist, or something similar. His T-shirt depicts the grim reaper. In one hand, he holds a scythe. In the other, a grenade with an upside-down crucifix. Also, the blade of the scythe turns into an automatic rifle. So… yeah, if he wasn't the antichrist before.

Daniel stands in front of the mirror. He looks at the gaping hole where his left eye used to be. Somehow, he's starting to get used to it. Still, he doesn't like to see it. He takes the eye patch and puts it on. Taking great care, not to mess up the wolves he drew on it.

Afterward, he remains still. Not moving an inch. His breathing becomes heavier and heavier, but his look and stature remain the same. Determined. Daniel closes his eye, taking a moment to calm his breathing down. Then he closes both fists simultaneously, causing the mirror in front of him to break into a million pieces. Daniel still did not move. He opened his eye, with calm and steady breathing.

"Hang on, Sean. I'm coming."

Notes:

Bit of a "meh" chapter now, since it's the calm before the storm. Only one chapter left of episode 4.

Sean's reaction to Daniel being alive feels somewhat natural in his case. He's turned to religion out of desperation, believing that he's killed his brother (well, he wanted to see mom too). Only that he never did. So his confusion is understandable.

I tried a little bit, creating a scenario where Daniel gets to be the big brother to someone. I feel that it's something I can make more with some time. It's a good way to get different kinds of perspectives. And yes, I know Lisbeth and Tommy's excuse for leaving was pretty... cheap. But I had to write them out of the story, so... yeah.

I also felt like giving Daniel a bit of therapy here. Dear God (no pun intended & I'm not religious) does my Daniel need it. Poor kid...

The shirt Daniel puts on at the end is a T-shirt with the "Sons Of Anarchy" logo. Why, do you ask? Well, I work retail and had that exact shirt one day. This old religious woman lectured me like I was possessed. Not about the grim reaper on my shirt. The scythe? Nah. The assault rifle's cool too. As was the grenade. But the upside-down crucifix?

Last time I wore that shirt to work, but oh well.

Only one chapter left of this episode!

Remember, I like reading comments!

Enjoy!

K. S.

They call him a nobody.
But to you...
He's so much more.

Hero.
Idol.
Protector.
Role model.

The names are many.
But one is enough.
One is more than enough.
He is not a nobody.
He is Sean.
Your brother.

Sean kept you safe.
Sean gave you comfort.
Sean stood up for you.
Sean was willing to give his life...
If it meant you could live.
The question is...

Are you willing to do the same?
How far will you go?
Will the heart of gold, melt?
Or the will of iron, break?

How far are you prepared to go?

Chapter 9: Defeat In Victory

Summary:

Daniel's ready to save his brother. However, things might be a lot more difficult than he had anticipated...

Notes:

The final chapter of episode 4.

As always, read tags.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Daniel ran towards the church. At least from the beginning. The closer he got, the slower he became. He had felt so confident. Afraid, of course. But still, confident. Now, every tiny step obliterates his confidence, one piece at a time. Does he even know what he's up against? Probably not, but he's got no choice. He'll either save Sean or die trying. He's already died once and isn't afraid of doing so a second time if need be.

But he can't lose his brother again.

"Focus, dude, focus." He tries telling himself to avoid losing complete control. He can't lose it now.

Daniel reaches the church which seems to be closed for the day. At least that's what the fence with the padlock suggests. But a shitty padlock isn't enough to hold him back. A quick snap with his fingers and the lock breaks, falling to the ground. Nobody seems to have noticed.

"I'm coming, Sean." Now, where is he? The church seems closed, so maybe the small houses nearby? Daniel sneaks closer for a look. All houses look the same. Nothing that indicates who lives inside. Not even a name on the door.

"Oh, come on. What the fuck's wrong with mailboxes?" He can't just stand there, so he chooses a house at random. Daniel concentrates on the lock, causing it to break easily. He enters the seemingly empty house.

"Wow…" That's one way to put it. But it wasn't the good kind of wow. The walls had a gray color, making everything look boring as hell. There's barely any furniture, no television, no computer, barely any damn books to read. Well, of course, there's a bible. Daniel, however, takes extra care to avoid it. He enters another room and the smell of old cigars almost made him choke.

"Damn. Why the fuck would a fucking Christian smoke in his own fucking house? It's fucking disgusting." Well…

"Oops, I said fucking. Sorry, Sean." Daniel giggles a bit, sort of hoping that nobody was there to hear it. He looks around the room, his eye landing on a notebook on the desk in front of him.

"What are you?" Curiosity, as always, gets the better of him sometimes. He opens the book.

"Property of David Madsen — WARNING — DO NOT READ!" Or else…?

"Yeah, right." Daniel laughs as he turns a couple of pages at random.

"2013-10-11: I've lost everything. The storm took everyone and everything. Why did I survive? Do I even want to-" Yeah, that's not even remotely interesting. Daniel flips another few pages.

"2015-07-23: Met this woman today. Her name's Karen. There's something about her. Do I love her? No. I don't think I ever was capable of loving someone. But Karen? She gives me hope." Ok, it's this asshole. The big guy that threw him out last time.

"2016-01-13: She was right. The reverend's always right. Some of the things I've done for her, might not be good. But in the end, the lord guides her, and she guides me. And I will do everything for her." Good to know. He's going to be a problem. Daniel sets the book down and leaves the house. Obviously, Sean's not here. He looks at the massive church. It's not like Sean's going anywhere, he might as well take a look.

The church had only two entrances. The large pair of doors on the front, and a small door around the back. Both of these were locked. Well, locked for any normal boy. Not for Daniel. He enters through the backdoor to avoid raising too much suspicion. The very second he steps inside he's hit with this feeling. Something deep in his gut told him that this was a bad place. He had to get Sean out before something happened. Daniel walks through the building until he ends up at the same spot he and Sean had parted ways.

Before him lies a door, carrying his mother's name on it, written in solid gold. At least Daniel thinks it's gold. Without a second thought, he breaks the door open, not caring if he's heard or not.

"Your kids slept on the street, and you? You put your name in solid gold. Fuck you, Karen." The room he walks into seems to be an office of sorts. There's a whiteboard filled with religious ramblings he doesn't give two shits about, more bibles than he cares to count. He needs something to use against her. But what? Daniel searches the drawers but comes up empty. There's nothing here. His manipulative monster of a mother's completely free of skeletons in the closet. Well, except for the fact that she killed her father. But it's word against word. He'll just have to make Sean believe him. As he heard voices coming from a distance, Daniel realizes that it's time.

He puts everything back in its place, tries his best to quickly fix the door, and goes into hiding under a bench in the main room. Daniel holds his breath, watching the people entering the room. There's David the asshole. He enters first, holding the door for the others. The others being a treacherous witch accompanied closely by Sean.

"Se-" Daniel put a hand over his mouth, keeping himself from shouting his brother's name. David leaves the room, closing the door behind him. Daniel can't take his eye off his older brother. Sean used to be so strong, so resilient. But now, he's just… an empty shell. A shadow of his former self. No, it's not because of the drugs, neither is it the booze. Although both of those may have been contributing factors, it all boils down to one thing. One small thing, causing Sean to be in a state where he constantly guilt-trips himself. It's because of her. Everything. Daniel wants nothing more than to just come out of hiding and rip her head off. Nobody could stop him. Not even Sean.

But if he did it, he would lose Sean forever. A new realization starts to settle in the young wolf's mind.

"Fuck…" He whispers as quietly he possibly can. No matter what happens, he cannot, under any circumstances whatsoever, fight back physically. No matter what. All of a sudden, his previous thoughts of "save Sean, or die trying" begin to lean towards the latter direction.

"Ugh! No. Bad thought, go away! You can do this dude, you have to do this. You can, and you will because you're Daniel fuckin' Diaz." He tells himself before coming out of his hiding spot to confront his demons.

"Sean, I am so proud of you for having found your faith. I'm blessed to have you as my son." Karen preaches to Sean, the latter listens without saying a word.

This ends here.

"Sean?!" He calls out for his brother. It took every ounce of will inside him to resist the urge to run to his brother and hug him.

"Daniel? You- you shouldn't be here-" Sean looks at him, horrified by the mere words he spoke. Karen raised an arm, effectively silencing him.

"There, Sean. Remember what I told you? Even those raised by angels can turn out to be demons." Yeah. You should know.

"Come with me, Sean. We can leave, right now. Just you and me, the wolfbrothers… and nobody else." Daniel gives his mother a look that would scare off most people. But she's not like most people.

"Poor little lost boy. I've already told you once, Daniel, that Sean's made up his mind. He wants to stay here, like the true believer he is. But you, on the other hand, are no believer in god. You cannot be salvaged, Daniel Diaz. All you ever will be is damaged goods." Karen spoke calmly, with just the right amount of edge to the words to make them hurt.

And it hurt.

This woman had already caused him so many sleepless nights, shattered birthday wishes, and Christmases full of tears. And that's before they even met. Karen telling him that he'll always be damaged goods, makes him want to hide under a rock and just cry. But he can't. He must push through. She's not winning.

"Do you hear that Sean? What she called me? You don't think that I'm damaged goods, don't you?" This isn't going well. Daniel's voice is already breaking.

"I- I don't know, Daniel. We- I mean you- you've done a lot of bad things. Many sins. Some of them, too big to forgive." Daniel's in shock. This is going to be a lot harder than he anticipated. It doesn't even sound like Sean's the one talking.

"I know I did some bad things, Sean. But what about you? What about the things you did? What about your sins? You tried to kill yourself when I needed you the most, not caring that I would starve to death in the forest. You forced me to beg for money, that you ended up spending on drugs. Drugs that almost killed you. You put us both in danger by having us work in a drug lab. And for what, free beer? Then you-" Daniel stops for a second, taking it all in. Karen looks at him with a blank expression on her face. Sean's sweating as he looks back and forth between his mother and his brother.

"Then you hit me." Daniel's words were trembling as he said it, and he could hear Sean make a whining sound.

"You thought I was dead, Sean. Dead. You ended up here, got to meet… mom. Just like you always wanted. She offered you a way out. A way to get rid of all that pain, all that guilt that plagues you. And just like she had planned, you took it. But ask yourself this. Do you feel better, big brother? Do you really feel better?" The real Sean's still in there, Daniel can see it. He'll just have to reach him.

"The- the sinner shall feel the hurt from his sins until the debt is paid," Sean says monotonically.

"Sean. You don't need god's forgiveness, or hers. You don't even want it. You're my brother, I know you, Sean. I know you're not religious. You're here because mom happened to be here. That's it." Daniel could see a vein above Karen's eye growing larger and larger. Well, at least he's getting to her.

"And I get it, Sean. She makes you feel safe, loved, like you matter. She makes you feel the same thing I feel when I'm with you. But… I never feel safe anymore. Not without you, Sean." He could see Sean's eyes twitch. Apparently, someone else did too.

"Enough of this. Daniel Felipe Diaz, you are a sinner, and I want you to leave this sacred house of God. My son, Sean Eduardo Reynolds, stays right here. Isn't that right, Sean?" Fuck. Reynolds? Really? She's dug into him deep.

"Yes, reverend Mother," Sean replies without hesitation.

"I'm not leaving without my brother." This wasn't a friendly request. This was a statement. A soon-to-be-fact.

"Very well." Karen walks closer to him and whispers in his ear.

"Have it your way then. You'll be leaving this place in a body bag, you little brat." She stands up and picks up a remote of sorts from her pocket, and presses the button. Then she joins Sean.

"What did you do-" Daniel had no time to finish that sentence. The two large main doors opened, and inside came a large man, stinking of cigars.

"You called, reverend. Everything alright?" David… shit. Problem.

"David, this young intruder must be removed from this house of god at once." Well, at least he's been promoted from "damaged goods" to "intruder." Gotta count for something.

"Understood, reverend. I'll escort this young man out… again." Asshole. Think it, don't say it.

"David, is it?" The mountain of a man ignored his question.

"I'll take that as a yes. I'm asking you kindly, David, to not touch me. Because if you do, I'll have to defend myself." David still ignored him, but he could hear Sean's panicked breathing.

"You're coming with me, outside!" Nope. He really is not. Daniel had played the role of an adorable, innocent boy long enough. It was getting him nowhere. Time for some more… experimental methods. As he felt a large hand around his wrist, Daniel sighed heavily.

"Fine…" He looks at Karen, then David, then back at Karen. A smug smile forms on his face. He just couldn't help it. The look on his mother's face. Fear. If only for a split second before she was able to put a mask back on. Still, she's afraid of him. Good. She should be.

"My turn!" Daniel quickly raised his right arm, causing David to fly to the very top of the ceiling. Judging by his screams, it was a lot higher than Daniel had anticipated. He did, however, stop David mere inches from the ceiling to avoid causing him even the slightest injury. This was self-defense. Nothing else. Remember, he can't fight. Sean might be on the verge of coming back, but even the real Sean knows how much he hates their mother. Violence is a no-no here.

Daniel turns David around, letting him fall freely, only to catch him so close to the floor that his ponytail touched it. Daniel released his hold on David, watching the shocked expression on his mother's face.

"I asked you nicely, but you wouldn't listen. So I had to defend myself." Sean looks relieved that Daniel wasn't planning on doing something worse. He never intended to, but he'd be lying if he said that he didn't want to.

"You! You bring Satan into this house! LEAVE! Leave this place, NOW!" She's losing it. Good. Daniel embraces what little is left of his inner child, putting on his sweetest, most innocent look as he replies with one simple word.

"No." For a second, it almost looked as if she would completely freak out. But she didn't. Daniel could swear that he saw a small amount of blood coming from her mouth. She bit her own tongue so hard to remain calm.

"Ok. If the sinner shall not leave voluntarily, the sinner shall be forced to pay for his sins." Pay for his sins? The fuck's that supposed to mean?

"David?" Well… shit. He knew this was one of the things that might happen. Let's just hope he's not as strong as he looks.

"Reverend?" David seems to have recovered from his previous shock.

"You know what to do." David simply nods as Daniel does everything he possibly can to remain still and not show fear. All he could do now was to endure.

"You dare be disrespecting my reverend?" David's massive fist covered the ten-year-old's entire field of vision. He felt a sharp pain before succumbing to a brief black-out. Daniel found himself on the floor, with his back still hurting from the fall. He could not, however, remember the fall itself. But he knew one thing.

Get up.

Endure.

Endure.

Endure!

Daniel stands up, slowly, but steadily. The room spins slightly, meaning he's already concussed. Great.

"That all you got?" David stopped dead in his tracks. He could see his entire right arm tense itself. The next punch hit the young boy on his left cheek. Something definitely broke. Daniel could taste blood immediately.

"DANIEL!" Sean nearly screams, but Karen stops him from doing anything.

"Sean, look at me. He must learn. He must pay his debt to god. You trust me, don't you, my son?" Sean's entire body was shaking. He didn't doubt his mother, only whatever this was. Daniel stood bent over, hands on his knees. The second punch didn't knock him down, but shit, it hurt like a motherfucker. He spits out a mouthful of blood before slowly standing up.

"Don't- don't let her do this to me, Sean. Please. You can stop this. Don't listen to her-" He receives a punch in the gut, causing him to bend over, only to then be on the receiving end of another punch to the face. This one caused him to bleed from his nose.

"Please, mom. Stop." Sean quietly begs Karen to stop this vicious assault but to no avail.

"I know, Sean. It is difficult for you, to see this. But you will understand in time, it was necessary. And know that I am proud of you, son." Hearing Karen manipulate Sean, only made Daniel even more hell-bent on not giving up. He tries to get up but falls back down into a pool of his own blood. Daniel tries again. Slowly managing to stand up on very wobbly legs.

"Why are you here, Sean?" Daniel asked his older brother, not entirely sure if it was sweat, tears, or blood he could feel pouring down his face. Sean, for reasons unknown, turns to their mother. Almost like he's asking for permission to speak.

"Go ahead, Sean. You can tell him." Sean looks right into his one eye as he speaks.

"I'm here because I want to, and because I need to. This is the only place where I can earn forgiveness for all my sins." Real Sean or cult-Sean, they both have one thing in common. Escaping their problems.

"No, Sean. You're here because you fu- I mean, you messed up. And now, like always, you're trying to run away from it. Our mom telling you that God forgives you won't make any difference, Sean, wanna know why? It's because there is no god." He could see the despair in Sean's face, the pain, the suffering. All of it, so clearly.

"Daniel…" Sean tried, but Daniel interrupted him.

"If there was a god, would he leave us alone in Seattle with our monster of a father? Would he have Brody the serial killer drug us both, and cut off my finger?" Sean starts to cry, but Daniel continues, no matter how much it hurts.

"Would a real god make a loving, caring, and protecting big brother into a drug-fueled monster, like his father before him? Or maybe he would make me blow up a hospital, only to-" Daniel stopped. Shit, he never wanted to speak of this again. All his confidence evaporates as he speaks again.

"If there truly is a god, Sean? Why would he make me walk through the desert, causing me to long for the relief of death? But instead of death, comes a van that saves you. Except-" Shit… Daniel starts to cry.

"Except they don't save you. They do things to you. Horrible things. You can never feel clean again. Tell me, Sean, why would God do that?" The entire room fills with an awkward silence for a moment.

"Answer me, Sean, PLEASE!" Daniel can't take this much longer. Sean's so close to the edge, he knows it. All it takes is one last push.

"I- I- he wouldn't-" Barely had the words left Sean's mouth before Karen raised her voice.

"We're done here! David, end this!" A punch to his in missing left eye, causing him unimaginable pain. He could hear Sean say something, but everything was too blurry to make out what it was. Suddenly, Daniel felt a massive weight on his chest. Almost like… someone was sitting there.

Fuck!

The ten-year-old received countless punches to his small head. Somewhere, far away in a distant world, he could hear Sean pleading. It didn't help. Daniel Diaz had been beaten to a bloody pulp. Esteban Diaz would have been impressed.

"Try getting up now, tough guy…" David taunted him as he stood up and walked away, making sure to step right on Daniel's chest as he did so.

He wants to quit. Hell, he probably should have quit long ago. It would feel so… relaxing. Just letting the winds carry you away from everything. However, just as he's considering quitting, he hears a voice. Deep inside his head.

"Don't take the Diaz way out." Damn right he won't. He's not his father. Daniel opens his eye, watching as the world spins around him. Listening to all the voices, blending into one single line of gibberish. He must get up. Daniel rolls onto his stomach, the pain making him wish that he was dead. He slowly takes one hand, putting the palm towards the floor, then another. Then he pushed himself up.

PAIN!

Daniel had tried to push himself up with his arms, while simultaneously putting his knees on the floor. That way he would've been halfway there. That is if it worked. Which it did not. His concussed brain made everything feel very blurry, and his stomach hurt like hell. As he tried to stand on his knees, he felt a surreal amount of pain in his stomach. Daniel fell forward, hitting his chin on the floor.

"DANIEL!" Sean screamed, rushing to his little brother's aid. Daniel's too out of it to hear his voice, but he recognized that hand on the shoulder. No matter what shape he's in.

"Sean! Do not touch him. He will tarnish your soul, and destroy everything you've worked so hard to build." Slowly, Sean begins to realize that something's really off with his mother.

"But- but- he's my brother and your son." Sean tries to convince his mother.

"Sean, you cannot have all in life. You either stay here with me and earn your forgiveness. Or leave with your brother, and take up the sinful path from which you came." Sean's completely frozen. He doesn't know what to do. He wants to have his mother in his life. Not having her around has left a terrible mark on him. Having her, only to leave her again would be a hundred times worse. And Daniel. His little brother. If he ever wanted proof that Daniel loves him, this is it. He shouldn't let them do this to him. It should be an easy choice.

But it's not.

"S- Sean? Sean?" Daniel calls out for his brother with a barely audible voice. Sean turns to him, grabbing his hand. Daniel lies on the floor, barely conscious, and so weak he can barely even speak. But he endures.

"I know why you're really here now, Sean. You want forgiveness, but not from God or our mom. You want it from the one person you thought you'd never be able to speak to again. Sean…" Daniel pulls Sean closer, looking him right in the eyes.

"I forgive you, big brother. I love you, and I forgive you for everything." Daniel choked on those last words leaving Sean stunned. Daniel forgave him. He didn't even realize how badly he needed to hear that until… he actually heard it. Sean felt like a thousand-pound boulder had been removed from his chest. He could breathe, he could feel, and most importantly, he could think.

"Daniel I- I- oh, god… what- what have I done?" The reality of it all hits Sean with full force. And Sean being Sean, wants to put all the blame on himself. Daniel, however, has something else in mind. This was what he should've said from the very beginning, but… stuff happened.

"Sean. Ask her- ask her why she killed grandpa. Ask her why she killed Stephen." He could hear Sean stop breathing for a second.

"What?" Daniel recognized that tone in Sean's voice. The old I'm-asking-because-I-don't-want-it-to-be-true-but-deep-down-I-know-it-is.

"You heard me, Sean. Ask her." Daniel said through painful wording. Sean turns his attention to his mother. The one he believed to be his savior. Was she just a bullshitter?

"Mom. Did you- did you kill grandpa?" The look on her face told Sean everything he needed to know.

"My father was a weak old man. A good one, perhaps. But he did not understand my vision. He actually tried to stop it from ever coming to place. But I put a stop to him first. The lord demanded a sacrifice to be made, so I made one." Sean's not sure if he should laugh or cry. Perhaps both?

"You were right, mom," Sean says to her, making her usual, calm expression return.

"I know, my son. The Lord speaks through me, and the lord is always right." Fuck. Off.

"You were right. Even those raised by angels can turn out to be demons. And you, mom, you are a big fucking demon." Sean says every word with confidence, anger, hate, and disgust. How could this happen? How could she have this power over him?

Well, not anymore!

"I'm taking my brother and leaving this place, forever." Sean turns around to pick up his brother's beaten body. He's stopped, however, by an all-too-familiar clicking sound behind him.

"You're not leaving this sacred ground. Not until the reverend says otherwise. Hands in the air." David had pulled a gun on him. Sean's got no other choice but to do as he's told. He stands up, carefully putting himself between Daniel and the gun. Just in case.

"I trusted you, mom. I really did." Sean feels heartbroken. To finally have his mother back, after all those years, only to have her be a fucking fake.

"And I trusted you, Sean, to do the right thing." She looks at Daniel, the latter's still on the floor, barely moving.

"Finish what you started, Sean. Finish it, and you will be forgiven. This is your last chance." The fact that he actually considered this at a point, shocks Sean. He spits his mother in the face.

"Fuck you, Karen! I'm already forgiven by the only person that matters." He felt the barrel of the gun, pressed hard against his forehead.

"Do as the reverend commands, or face the consequences." He's never doing it. Never.

"Fuck you, hillbilly!" Karen and David looked at each other, both of them nodding, then turning back to him.

"Goodbye, my son," Karen said with a slightly sad tone.

BANG!

Sean stood there, awaiting certain death. Only that it never came. Instead, Sean found himself thrown to the far corner of the room by Daniel's powers. As he realized what just happened, he couldn't help but laugh. He'd forgotten what it felt like to be launched by Daniel's powers.

"Wow. Daniel, that was awesome. Thank you, Daniel- oh no." When he saw it, he froze. Sean's blood went cold as ice, yet boiling with anger at the same time. Daniel had been on the floor, barely conscious, but enough to know what was happening. He saw the gun, pressed at his brother's skull.

Daniel had gathered every last ounce of strength in his small body to stand up. He planned to remove the gun from the equation. The concussion, however, made it difficult to focus. Instead, he removed Sean, since he was the closest. But there was one thing Daniel didn't think of removing.

Himself.

Sean watches in horror as Daniel stands still, slowly taking his right hand and slightly touching his stomach. He raises the hand to eye level, looking almost surprised. Daniel then looks down at the gaping bullet hole, and the blood coming out of it. His eye turns to Sean. Daniel smiles at him, why, he doesn't know. Sean wants to return the smile, but all he can do is look horrified. Daniel falls to the floor.

Something snapped in Sean's head.

Enough is fucking enough. He marched forward, not giving a shit if he lived or died.

"You fucking coward! You FUCKING coward!" He knocks David to the floor with a single punch as he channeled his inner Esteban Diaz.

"Sean, my son-" Just… don't. Seriously.

"Shut the FUCK up!" Sean took the gun from the floor, aiming it at David and Karen.

"Abusing and shooting a ten-year-old boy? And you call me a sinner." Sean pressed the barrel of the gun against his mother's skull. She held back tears.

"Maybe I should just finish you off right now, HUH?!" This would be where Karen Reynolds officially broke.

"No, Sean, please. I- I don't want to die. Don't hurt me, please. It was him. It was David. He made me do it." Yeah, nice try.

"Wait, what?" David says in very legitimate shock. Now, David gets the barrel to the skull.

"Tell me, David. Do you fear death? Do you fear that dark abyss? All your deeds laid bare. All your sins… punished? I can't offer you an escape. But since you killed my brother, I can offer you… THIS." Sean's finger is literally on the trigger as a frail voice stops him from going through with it.

"Sean… Sean…" Daniel. He's still alive. Sean runs to his side.

"Daniel? Oh, no. What- I- I don't know what to do, Daniel." His little brother's dying, and he can't do shit.

"Don't hurt them, Sean. They're not worth it. You're better than they are. We both are." He didn't even question it. He didn't, because he knew Daniel was right. After all, he's the brains of the family. Sean goes back to Karen and David, looking at them both with disgust.

"You can thank my little brother… for your lives." He then gets as close to Karen as possible, whispering, so Daniel cannot hear.

"If I ever see you, hear from you, get a phone call, or even a fucking postcard… I will come after you, Karen. I will hunt you down, and torture you in ways you did not know existed. You will beg for death, but I shall never grant it. You will beg for mercy, but none will be shown. In the end, you will be a brain-dead piece of meat. Alive, in a way, but too broken to ever come back. Only then, shall I grant you death." Sean gives her the most evil look he could produce. He didn't need to. His words had been more than enough.

"Don't come after us, Karen." Sean turns around, carefully picking up his little brother's broken body. He walks calmly out of the church, but the very second the doors close behind him, he runs. To where he doesn't know. Daniel needs medical attention, and fast. He can't lose his brother. Not again. They come upon an empty parking lot. Luckily, people don't always lock the doors in small communities like this. Even better, Sean could hot-wire the car. He carefully sets Daniel down in the backseat and drives away as fast as possible.

Daniel may have said that he forgave him for what happened in the past. The question is, has he really forgiven Sean? And why is his ten-year-old brother so incredibly reckless with his own physical well-being?

Blood and questions.

Each of them, increasing by the second, as the wolfbrothers drive down a never-ending highway. The mind of Sean, increasing with questions. The backseat of the car, increasing with blood. Daniel's blood. The young wolf was slowly bleeding to death in the backseat of the car. He didn't necessarily mind. He would die, knowing two things. First, he's close to the most important person in his life. And second…

He did it.

He actually fucking did it.

"I- I beat you… Karen. I w- won…" Daniel mumbles as he drifts into unconsciousness.

Notes:

So, this marks the end of episode 4. I'm having mixed feelings about this chapter. First off, it's way too long, and I should probably have divided it into two chapters. I just couldn't find a good spot to do it on. The chapter itself feels like the weakest ending so far in this series. A shame, considering how I really like most of this episode, especially the first chapters.

It's kinda creeping me out how I thought of the name for this chapter. There used to be this wrestler named "Chris Benoit". I remember him saying "I've had victory in defeat, and defeat in victory." Thing is, well... just Google his name and you'll get it.

So, only one episode remains now. It may take slightly longer for it to come out.

Why, do you ask?

I gotta figure out the plan, let's just say that. I kinda got the endings (yes, endings) roughly figured out. I just want to figure out a way to get to them before I start writing so I don't mess anything up. Have no fear though, I will NOT abandon my work.

Also, enjoy my poorly Photoshopped Life Is Cruel Sean...

Anyway, I always like comments.

Enjoy!

K. S.
_

Freedom.
You love it.
Safety.
You dream of it.
A future.
Settling down.
You crave it.

A better life.
Too much to ask for?

Pain.
You always feel it.
Inside & out.
Emotional.
Physical.

Fear.
Always present.
Haunting your every move.
Controlling you.

Love.
It is what drives you.
Keeps you going.
Motivates you.
Without it.
You are nothing.

Without him.
You are nothing.
Without you.
He is nothing.

Except now.
For now.
Without you.
He is dead.