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Chapter 7- Stubborn Babies and Sucker Punches
"Rosita, what are these?" Michonne asked cluelessly while holding up what she thought might be the most drab, unfluffiest baby bath towels she had ever seen.
"Diapers. You said this was a diaper baby shower, right?" Rosita responded amusedly, "Those are environmentally friendly diapers! You wash them after every use. The pins for them are in there too."
Michonne pinched her nose in disgust and held the cloth diaper by the corner as if it was already soiled which caused a chuckle from the group. Michonne then picked up the baggie of baby safety pins and shook her head.
"Nope. These sharp pins are not going anywhere near my baby, and I am definitely not doing cloth. The idea that my baby will poop in this, and I have to shake it out and put this in my washing machine, then back on my baby? Nope. Not for me. I applaud those that do but i will recycle more or carpool to work a few times a month to make up for it," Michonne declared and dropped the diaper back in the box and removed it from her sight.
"Yeah, Theodore and I tried cloth diapers. I lasted two days," T-Dog's wife laughed.
"Ok, we all bought diapers. Dis-Pos-Able ones," Sasha emphasized, then rolled her eyes at Rosita, "And thank you Susan for all the diapers from the law firm! Ok Chonne. I know you only wanted diapers, but most of us also brought a gift for the baby also! Here's mine!"
Sasha was giddy when she handed her second present over to her sister. Michonne was amused seeing the grin on her sister's face, then worried about what could be in the gift box after seeing the grin on her sister's face. Michonne opened the present and cleared the wrapping tissue and was speechless.
"Really Sasha?" Rosita chuckled and shook her head.
"Wow," Michonne uttered as she held up one of the onesies with Sasha's face as the pattern all over it.
"Very….unique," chuckled Yumiko.
"Do you like them!" Sasha inquired and lifted the other three onesies for everyone to see.
Not only did Sasha impose her face on the baby outfit, but the other three each had Darryl, and their two kids.
"Well, I mean. I love these two," Michonne muttered holding up the onesies with her niece Bianca and nephew Archer's face on them.
"Good! The baby can wear the one with my face when he/she leaves the hospital!" Sasha ordered and folded the onesies and placed them back inside the box, "Ok, who's next!"
Michonne got a multitude of unique gifts ranging from a tortilla patterned swaddle blanket so her little bundle of joy would look like a burrito to a container of cooling gel pads for sore nipples. Michonne looked perplexed.
"What The…" Michonne muttered.
"Those are for after you breastfeed dear. Rick was a good boy. Maggie over there was greedy and aggressive. Sucked so hard I swear she was trying rip them straight off the boob," Ella admitted, and Maggie just chuckled, and Camille giggled and playfully slapped Ella on the arm, "I wish I had that when I was breastfeeding."
"Ok, I am not breastfeeding! Formula it is!" Michonne exclaimed and dropped the jar back into the gift bag, "I need to ask Rick to check his little baby book to see if the doctor mentioned this and I missed it."
"Baby book?" Maggie inquired with interest.
"Rick has been writing down all of what to expect for delivery and the weeks after in this little book every time we go to our appointment. He says he might not remember stuff and thangs," Michonne mimicked with a giggle.
Michonne's mother laughed and then returned the conversation back to feeding the baby.
"Michonne. You will want to breastfeed when the time comes. It is a beautiful bonding time with the baby. Just stop when the baby gets teeth, and you will be fine!" Michonne's mother advised and Michonne was extra sure she was going to be a formula mother after that last comment.
"Ok Next! Not you Rosita. This is a weapon free zone. My niece or nephew does not need a baby hunting knife," Sasha uttered and narrowed her eyes at Rosita, "What do you have inside in that box?"
"It's sharp, but baby friendly with training. I have been in the park. Some of those babies are vicious pushing others off the slide. My sobrina o sobrino needs to be able to protect themselves on the way to the jungle gym!" Rosita stated with all seriousness.
"Remind me not to let you take my kids to the park alone anymore," Sasha shook her head as she eyed a laughing Rosita.
Rosita's gift was actually an expensive Tiffany's sterling silver baby set which included a Rabbit baby comb and brush set, a matching rabbit silver spoon and fork set, along with a Rabbit sterling silver Baby body brush. Rosita hoped for a little niece so she could spoil her with more Tiffany gifts like she did Bianca. Meanwhile, Rick was having his own baby shower at Darryl's house where he received even more diapers and some unique gifts of his own.
"Darryl, what is this?" Rick asked gazing at the gift that appeared more apt for a military kitchen rather than a baby nursery.
"That right there is what I would like to call, The Daddy Poop Kit," Darryl explained, "I assembled it myself after changing multiple stank diapers. So that there is a gas mask. Trust me. They look little and cute and only drink breastmilk but damn if my twin's shit didn't stink like a pig stand! And if it gets on you, it attaches to you like a leech and you smell it all damn day! Which brings me to that rubber apron and glove set. Don't go in without em!"
"Darryl, this seems a bit excessive. Is it that bad?" Glenn asked with wide eyes.
"Yes Sir! I wish I had all this with Duane. You could smell him a mile away. It was disturbing," Captain Jones repulsed as if he could smell that mess again.
"Tongs?" Rick asked and looked at Darryl bemusedly.
"For when you have to carry the shitty diaper to the trash," Darryl clarified, "And make sure you keep the mask on when you do it!"
"If your baby is anything like Michonne was when she was little, you are gonna need all that," Malcolm winced and shivered a little.
"There was no difference between Rick and a barnyard," Richard laughed and took a sip of his bourbon.
Rick was receiving some shocking information same as Michonne.
"Open mine," Abe grinned.
"Oh Lord," T-Dog yelped, "Not again!"
"Nooooo," Darryl hollered and grabbed Abe's present and threw it behind the stack of diapers, "I don't know what it is, but I guarantee its inappropriate, dirty, and will make everybody in here uncomfortable. And we ain't even ate yet. Rick! Where is the food!" Darryl inquired and laughed when he noticed Malcolm roll his eyes at Abe.
"Should be here in a few minutes. I ordered a Mexican Fiesta! Nachos, tacos, fajitas, beans, rice, and all the fixings," Rick grinned still a little confused about what just happened, "Got the same for the ladies."
"Good, I am ready to eat!" Abe hollered.
Once the tacos were munched and the gifts packed in the car, Rick could not help but to take a peek at Abe's gift. Rick glanced around to make sure his captain, and his father, and soon-to-be father-in-law, were not in the vicinity and once Rick determined they were an acceptable distance away, he pulled back the wrapping paper and was shocked.
"It's for those six weeks you gotta do without!" Abe laughed sneaking up behind a startled Rick.
Abe slapped Rick on the back and headed to his car and Rick hid the present underneath the diapers with the intention of stopping by the nearest dumpster to throw that mess away before he went home.
"What did he get you? I saw you looking," Darryl inquired with a knowing smile.
"A blow-up doll. An African American blow-up doll," Rick stuttered out incredulously and his face was turning redder and redder in embarrassment.
"Yup, got me the same thing. The only difference was I opened my gift in front of everybody including Sasha's parents. That's when Sasha started calling Abe, The Red-Headed Menace. She would not let Abe in our house for three months!" Darryl laughed and walked back towards the house leaving Rick still stunned, "I will help you get the diapers from the guys at the station tomorrow!"
It was the third weekend in October, Michonne was nine and a half months pregnant, and the wedding day was finally here. Rick went from trying to stuff Abe's inappropriate gift in the nearest gas station trash can, to a week later half smiling and half crying as he watched Michonne walk down the aisle in their beautifully decorated backyard. Even Rosita was impressed with how the "hillbilly" venue turned out to be a gorgeous and modern affair. Rick was smiling because he was finally making Michonne his wife and he was crying because he was finally making Michonne his wife. Michonne's father glanced at Rick and beamed confidently, deciding right then and there that he was proud to call him son. Rick made his daughter happy, and if Michonne was happy, then Malcolm was happy. Malcolm looked up and saw his oldest daughter standing as the matron of honor and gave her a wink. He side-eyed Rosita, whom he affectionately called the Tiny Terror, standing as Michonne's maid-of-honor. Malcolm and Camille loved Rosita, well they grew to love her like an illegitimate daughter, but she was still a wild one, the complete opposite of Michonne. Malcolm and Camille figured that was the exact reason they were drawn to each other. Michonne was always so subdued and Rosita so temperamental, and so they complimented each other well.
"Saves the groom a trip!" Father Gabriel chuckled, "Who gives this bride away?"
Malcolm was so lost in his thoughts he did not realize he had escorted his daughter all the way to the altar and was just standing there gazing off in the distance. Guests began to chuckle thinking he was refusing to give his daughter over to Rick and Rick was wide-eyed in terror that Malcolm was gonna take Michonne and run.
"Again," Pastor Gabriel asked with giggle, "Who is giving the bride away?"
"Oh, oh I am. Malcolm Hawthorne, Michonne's father," Malcolm stuttered which caused more giggles from family and friends.
The rest of the ceremony went off without a hitch and the baby managed to stay comfy and cozy right in her womb. Not even a thought of a single contraction was had. Michonne thought the entire ceremony and reception was perfect. And from their viewpoint it was, but if Rick and Michonne were flying high in the sky, they would have noticed a dent in their perfect day. An interloper. A stalker. Lori Wayne. She managed to find a hidden spot at the edge of the woods behind Rick and Michonne's property. She was seething as she watched HER husband get married to another woman. Livid as she watched Rick kiss the bride. Furious as she watched everyone cheer as they walked back down the aisle towards the reception tables.
"How cheap can she be. Getting married in a backyard is low class and having the reception out there too? Rick deserves better. He deserves me! I gave him a wedding to remember! Our wedding was fancy! We got married in a church! Before God!" Lori exclaimed a bit too loud and covered her mouth and quickly hid behind the tree.
Fancy was relative. Rick and Lori were married in a small, charming country church, and one could argue that the only God Lori prayed to was The Gospel of Lori that preached selfishness and greed—AMEN. Lori and Rick's reception was at the fanciest hotel in King County, The King Hotel, it had a nine-hole golf course and everything. And of course, Lori didn't pay for any of it. Rick and his parents did. But with all that supposed grandeur that Lori was making comparisons to in her head, at the end of the day, that fancy wedding before God did not stop her from abandoning her husband in the parking lot of a fertility clinic after asking for a divorce. Nor did it stop her from crawling in Rick's best friends' bed before they were officially separated. But that is not something that Lori was willing to acknowledge as she stood peeping behind the great Georgia Pines. Lori stayed in those woods until well after the reception was over to make sure she was not seen scurrying to her car. Lori was three quarters of the way to a full-blown delusional state and was rapidly making her way to the finish line. Lori was becoming more and more erratic, and as time passed, she began missing work to spy on Rick and was one more write-up away from being fired from her grocery store job. Lori was taking more and more chances, and between finding out that she was infertile and Rick marrying another woman and starting a new family, baby and all, Lori was thinking very dangerous thoughts. Lori was halfway home, hitting the steering wheel until her hands were red and cursing Michonne's name in between plotting a way to get Rick back, by any means necessary. Meanwhile Rick and Michonne were enjoying their first night as a married couple.
"You know, this is the only way to get married. With Mike, it was a big affair and we spent way too much money on things we did not need. Today was perfect, well except the wedding night. With this big ole belly of mine, there is not much we can do in this bed tonight except the bare minimum.
"Oh, we can do some stuff and thangs that is far from the bare minimum sweetheart!" Rick grinned and crawled up the bed towards Michonne.
"Oh yeah?" Michonne grinned and giggled.
"Oh yeah," Rick replied and proceeded to show Michonne exactly the stuff and thangs that he could do with his nine-and-a-half-month pregnant wife.
The next morning, Michonne stretched and wanted to sleep in and maybe do a little more of what they did last night. Michonne could not see exactly what Rick was doing down there with her big tummy blocking her view, but what she felt was marvelous. She yelped when Rick stood at the end of the bed, grabbed her ankles and slid her down until her butt was resting at the edge with her legs dangling. Rick opened her purple satin robe and was delighted that she was completely nude underneath. Rick grinned, pulled down his pajama bottoms and the next thing Michonne knew, she was in heaven. Michonne wanted some morning sexy shenanigans and turned to her side and pouted when Rick rolled out of bed.
"We are already running late. We have that brunch you had to have! I told you we should have stayed in this morning to recover from our wedding night!" Rick grinned and laughed when Michonne's eyes lit up at the thought of a good meal.
"The wedding, the reception, and the baby shower. Our house is a one stop shop," Michonne laughed, and she wiggled out of bed completely naked and headed towards the bathroom, "We should have had the brunch here too!"
"You need some help?" Rick asked, nude himself and already walking behind her with the intention of showering together.
"I could use some assistance with my back and anything below my tummy," Michonne smirked, "Rick, this time next week our baby will be here, fast asleep in the nursery. We are going to be parents!"
"Yeah, I'm excited. I can't wait, well, I can wait because I need just a few more days to get the last of the good stuff," Rick chuckled and tapped Michonne's ass, "What is it? Six weeks before we can have sex after you have the baby. I don't know if I can wait that long!"
"You can and you will. Besides, you will be so busy spoiling the baby that you might just forget all about little ole me," Michonne grinned, and Rick kissed her lips, her neck, each shoulder, nipped at her nipples, kissed her belly, and continued down as he eyed her beautiful, fruitful, naked body.
"Never," Rick uttered as he kissed her thigh to her knee, then from her knee to her leg and back up again.
Rick was just about to hit the honeypot when the doorbell rang, and he huffed out an impatient breath.
"I will bet a million dollars it's Sasha trying to hurry us up. I told you moving around the corner from her was going to be a problem," Michonne spat and rolled her eyes when Sasha rang the doorbell two more times.
Rick turned on the shower for Michonne, pulled on his jeans and ran to the door.
"I knew you two would be fooling around instead of getting ready!" Sasha exclaimed and she barged her way into Rick and Michonne's home.
"I have known you exactly one-week Extrano, and annoyingly you are already a late person. But since you gifted me my new Katana, I will forgive you this once! Hurry! I'm hungry!" Rosita demanded as she followed Sasha into the house.
Rick looked to Darryl for a translation and Darryl just hunched his shoulders and walked past.
"Extrano?" Rick asked Rosita directly.
"Stranger. But only for now, culo. You were off to a good start, but you still have to work for my affection cabron!" Rosita smiled and pat Rick on the shoulder.
"Sorry, but this is your life now," Darryl laughed and headed for the living room to wait with the kids.
"Do I call you Rick? Uncle Rick? Mr. Rick? or The Rick-A-Nator?" Three-year-old Archer asked his new uncle.
"Well, I like that Rick-a-Nator option," Rick chuckled at the cutie with the hazel eyes and curly light brown hair.
"It's from his favorite cartoon, The Wreck-A-Nator," Darryl laughed and brushed his hand over Archer's head.
"You call him Uncle Rick silly," Bianca replied to her twin brother before jumping on the couch next to her dad.
Rick looked between the two toddlers and if it wasn't for Bianca's long, light brown curly hair and the cute dress she was wearing, you would not be able to tell the twins apart. They looked exactly alike as if they were identical and not fraternal twins. Rick smiled and hoped that maybe he and Michonne will have twins next.
"Hurry please Mr. Rick-A-Nator, we need to leave in fifteen minutes," Sasha ordered and plopped down on the couch to wait with her family.
"What were you two doing that you are not ready yet? Chocando feos?" Rosita asked with a grin as she eyed Rick up and down standing in only his blue jeans and nothing else.
"Feos what?" Rick asked confused.
"Bumping Uglies Rick! Don't mind Rosita. Go get dressed!" Sasha demanded and scolded Rosita for holding up the process.
Rick was bummed that his and Michonne's morning sexy time would have to wait until late afternoon.
"Ok Michonne, next week is your due date, are you ready? Have you packed a bag? The nursery is done right? It's so cute with the baby cub theme. All those cute little animals everywhere! Ella, we need to make some freezer meals, so they won't have to cook. You must eat well Michonne if you expect to breastfeed, which does not seem to be a problem for you, does it." Camille leered as she watched Michonne eat her heavily plated brunch.
"Slow down Michonne! Damn!" Sasha uttered as she watched Michonne scarf down her waffle.
"Avara Puta," Rosita laughed, and Camille have her a stern look.
Michonne rolled her eyes at being called a greedy whore and Rick chuckled when Michonne whispered the translation while taking one of his chicken tenders from his plate.
"The more you are around her, the more you will understand her dirty little one-liners," Michonne spat and shook her head at Rosita.
Rick liked the fact that Michonne had a good appetite. He figured it would be good for more baby making sooner rather than later. No matter how hard he tried, he could never get Lori to gain a little weight. Rick preferred his women curvy, and for the life of him he could not remember what attracted him to Skeletor Lori. Lori's idea of beauty predicated on being able to see every bone in her body. Not Michonne though, she was small, but curvy. Healthy. Rick could grab a handful of goodness anywhere on Michonne's body, and he loved it, especially when he grabbed that ass.
"She is eating for two Sasha," Ella giggled, and Rick nodded and put some of his sweet potato hash on Michonne's plate.
"More like she is eating for eight," Sasha responded, "Take a breath Michonne. Here, have some fruit girl. And Rick, I see what you are doing!"
"Me too," Maggie chuckled, "Goodbye bag of bones and hello more cushion for the pushin!"
"MAGGIE!" Richard and Ella yelled, and Rick turned red as a beet.
Michonne tilted her head in confusion and Rick bowed his head at being caught overfeeding his wife with filthy intentions. Malcolm pretended he did not hear a thing and asked Darryl to pass the jam.
"Put the berries on my waffle," Michone requested with her mouth full, and Sasha shook her head at the newlywed couple.
Michonne had been ravenous these last few months and wondered if her appetite would go back to normal once the baby came or if it was a permanent situation. Michonne put checking to see if her gym membership was still valid on her "to do" list as she shoved a fork-full of sweet potato hash into her mouth. While Michonne and Rick were having brunch with their family, Lori had a startling realization as she sat on the couch in her small living room of her tiny apartment earlier that morning. That epiphany, however, did not stop her from stalking Rick and Lori still managed to bypass work to sit in front of Rick and Michonne's home, then follow them to the brunch location. Lori was so worried about that important thing she had forgotten that she could hardly focus on watching Rick having a good time with his new family. Lori's mind went back and forth from being angry at the sight of them all sitting out on the restaurant patio laughing and having a wonderful time, to being fretful about her current monetary situation.
"Shit. What am I gonna do, what am I gonna do, what am I gonna do" Lori repeated to herself over and over with unease.
Lori gave her new lawyer the last of her money, draining her savings and checking accounts BEFORE she paid her rent and bills, all of which were due within the next few weeks. Then she remembered she asked for an extension for last month's rent with the intention of paying as soon as she got paid, which the manager kindly agreed as a one-time only deal. Lori was so wrapped up in Rick that she forgot to pay. Lori was about to be two months behind on rent.
"Shit!" Lori exclaimed and picked up her phone and called her lawyer.
"Sorry sweetheart, all RETAINERS ARE NON-REFUNDABLE," Negan emphasized with a shady grin that Lori could feel through the phone, and it made her feel like she was covered in an inch of muck.
Lori hung up the phone and she knew she was fucked. She needed to get her husband back or she was going to be homeless, or worse, tucking her tail between her legs and moving back to her mother's shithole in King County and bunking on her couch. Lori thought about all the times she complained about her old home when she and Rick were married, at that moment, she would give anything to be back in their old, small, house in the working-class neighborhood that she hated so much. Lori wanted a major reset. She wanted to go back to the time before the fertility clinic. Back when she and Rick were happy. Lori's daydream stalled for a second when she tried to remember when they were happy and not arguing for any long stretch of time. When she could not, she shook the thought from her head and replaced it with her own made-up memories. Lori was living more and more in a pretend life that she created for herself and less and less in reality.
"We were happy. We were happy. We were happy," Lori muttered to herself over and over until she made herself believe it then went back to picturing herself sitting at the table, pregnant with Rick's child surrounded by family and friends.
On Monday morning, Michonne assured Rick that she would call him if she even had a hint of a contraction. Rick took a breath and felt better knowing this was her last day alone in the house. Maggie was too busy with her new business venture and boyfriend to stay put inside the house with Michonne. Rick asked his parents at Sunday brunch if they could stay with her, and they happily agreed. They left brunch and headed back to King County to pack for the week promising to return Tuesday morning.
As Rick watched his parents drive off, he was more than grateful. Richard lived a hard life working on that farm, which he made a huge, profitable, success after taking over from his father. Farm living was forced upon Richard by his father, and Richard made damn sure he would not force that lifestyle on Rick or Maggie. Richard wanted out of King County after high school. He wanted to go away to college and study architecture. He wanted to travel and see some of the most iconic, most historical, and most innovative buildings all over the world before settling in a big city and opening his own firm. But that was not in the cards for him, and instead, Richard stayed in King County and worked on the farm. Ella made the decision bearable, and he could not picture his life without her by his side. When they received an offer for the farm, the money was too good to pass up. They could retire without worrying about money for the rest of their lives, and even have a large pot of money to put away for Rick and Maggie and their grandchildren. Since they retired and sold the farm for a pretty penny, they had nothing but time on their hands and spending it preparing for their first grandchild was all they could have hoped for. That and traveling the world with the Hawthorne's. Ella and Richard were living the life.
"I got the room set up for mama and daddy like you asked although I don't know why I had to change sheets that have never been slept on, but I did it," Rick informed and Michonne shook her head.
"Just to freshen up the room Rick! You know, I appreciate your parents coming and staying. It will be nice to have someone here with me. I am terrified of going into labor alone. My mom will pop in, when she can, but she is in the middle of mid-terms and can't take off right now," Michonne smiled.
By Tuesday, while Michonne was helping Richard and Ella get settled for the week, Lori was planning on making a move to talk to Rick. It was now or never. Lori figured she would ask for some money first, since it was most necessary, then worm her way back into Rick's bed later. Lori sucked her teeth when she recalled trying to talk to him at the meeting with Dr. Daniels and he laughed at her request, shook his head, and ignored her for the rest of the meeting. But now, time was of the essence. Lori went to Negan's office first to plead in-person and she was appalled when he mentioned he knew a group of men that would pay handsomely for her to be their part-time "wife." She was embarrassed when she heard Negan laughing as she stormed out of his office insulted. Now, Lori watched Rick pull up to the police station and she made her move.
"Rick!" Lori shouted as she darted out of the car, "Rick, please!"
Rick turned and huffed out a frustrated breath and texted his wife.
Rick: Lori will not give up. She is chasing me down in the station parking lot.
Lori wondered who Rick texting was, but she could not think about that in that moment. She needed a chance to talk to Rick. She needed to convince him to leave that awful woman who stole him from her and to take her back! Or at least to agree to give her some bill money.
"What Lori. Why are you here. We are divorced and I have nothing to say to you. What possibly could you have to say to me?"
Michonne: Is she crazy? She wants you, Rick. We might have to get a restraining order. Good thing you are in front of a police station.
"Rick, can we talk about everything. We both made some major mistakes that I think we can come back from if we just talk. You and I belong together. Dr. Daniels ruined us!" Lori spoke so fast her words were tumbling over the other and she prepared to ask Rick for the money.
Lori thought maybe she could have both the money and Rick. She decided not to pass up this precious opportunity to get her husband back.
"What?" Rick almost hollered in disbelief.
"Rick, there is still time," Lori continued and pointed at his new wedding band, "I know you married that woman because she was pregnant because that is who you are. You are a good man. I know you don't love her. I will help you get custody and raise the baby. You and I were meant to be Rick. You love me and I love you! I can forgive you for getting another woman pregnant. I will raise that baby like my own!"
"Are…are you insane? Do you hear yourself? I love Michonne deeply. I love my life with her. I love that she is pregnant with my child. I was attracted to her when I first saw her the day you asked for a divorce. I adored her when I saw her again and I fell in love with her the moment I found out she was pregnant. I love my wife. I love my life. You are I are done forever Lori. Do you get that?" Rick tried to explain and waving off some to the officers who were asking if he was ok.
Rick was fine for now and hoped it stayed that way, but he saw a flicker of something in Lori that was worrisome. Rick watched Lori and deduced that no one was home. Lori was out of it. Gone. At some point in the last year, Lori packed her bags and moved to Crazytown.
Rick: She is delusional. Something ain't right in her head. She wants me back and wants me to leave you and for her and me to raise the baby.
Michonne: WHAT!
"Who are you texting! I am trying to talk to you Rick!" Lori screamed in anger at being ignored.
"None of your business who I am texting. This conversation is over Lori. Go home," Rick instructed and turned to walk away, and he stopped when his phone rang.
"RICK!" Lori screamed angrily when Rick answered his phone.
Lori's scream garnered the attention of those officers Rick waved off earlier but decided to stay around just in case Rick needed assistance. Lori did not notice. She only paid attend to Rick.
"Hey baby. No, she is leaving, and I am about to go inside the station," Rick informed his wife, but he only got a few feet towards his destination before all chaos ensued.
Calling Michonne baby triggered Lori and her mind went blank. All Lori saw was red. Without the ability to think rationally, Lori lunged, and all Rick felt was a hard, unexpected push to his back jetting him forward in a stumble hard enough for him to drop his phone to the ground.
"WHAT THE FUCK!" Rick shouted in shock and turned to face Lori who was coming at him again with her fists balled.
Michonne was hollering and all she heard was a ruckus as she listened nervously. The officers who were watching were now springing into action, trying to stop a lunatic assault an officer of the law right in front of a police station. Lori was wildly pummeling Rick, one hit after another to his head, face, chest, and back, and Rick was trying to block the best he could. One officer finally pulled Lori off and tackled her to the ground, but not before she socked Rick good in his left eye. Another officer approached to help cuff Lori and walk her inside the station. Rick was shocked.
"RICK! RICK!" Rick heard Michonne yell through the phone.
A stunned Rick picked up his phone and put it to his ear as he watched Lori being escorted into the station in handcuffs. The officer was yelling for Lori to stop kicking and cursing and calm down before she had additional charges. Rick was breathing hard, and he ran his hand through his disheveled hair in disbelief.
"Yeah, Lori just attacked me! Yes, attacked. Pushed me down and she punched me a few times and landed a good one to my eye. Yes, they got her. She's been arrested," Rick informed still shocked about what just happened.
"Are you ok? Do you need to come home? You sound like you are out of breath!" Michonne worried and Ella and Richard ran downstairs when they heard all the hollering.
"What happened? You ok? Are you in labor?" Ella asked anxiously and Michonne moved the phone from her mouth and updated Rick's parents.
"Lori showed up at the station and assaulted Rick. She has been arrested," Michonne informed, and Ella was already stomping over to get her purse.
"That damn hussy has some nerve. She wants to assault MY son? I will show her what a real assault feels like!" Ella exclaimed and Richard snickered and jogged over to calm his wife.
"I ain't saying she don't need a good ass whopping Ella, but we are here for Michonne, and we can't help the mother of our grandchild if we are in jail," Richard rationalized with a chuckle.
"We?" Ella asked, perplexed.
"You think I am gonna let Atlanta PD arrest my wife?" Richard laughed and shook his head, "It's gonna be a fight and I am gonna be sitting in the cell right beside you. Meanwhile, Michonne is here alone, and our son is embarrassed that he has to bail us out!"
Michonne laughed entertained by her new in-laws and almost forgot she was still on the phone with Rick.
"Michonne! You there?" Rick asked wondering why Michonne was not answering.
"Oh, yes. Sorry. I was listening to your parents. Your mama was about to leave to go beat up Lori," Michonne grinned, and Rick shook his head.
"You tell my mama to stay right where she is. I can handle Lori myself. I don't need my mama to fight for me," Rick laughed at the thought of Ella coming to stand up for her little boy.
"Rick, you are pressing charges, right?" Michonne wondered, "That woman is out of control."
"You damn well better!" Ella spat.
"I am going inside now. I have it handled. I will call you later with an update," Rick answered and walked inside the station.
"I am applying for a restraining order today!" Michonne hollered before hanging up with Rick and calling Yumiko for assistance.
Inside the station, Lori was beside herself as she sat handcuffed to the chair waiting to be processed.
"What's up with your ex-wife Rick?" Darryl asked as he handed Rick a cup of coffee, "Looks like you're gonna need an icepack for that shiner you are gonna get. Michonne ain't gonna like Lori messing up your pretty face."
"Michonne loves me for more than my looks. You know what I mean cuz with that face, Sasha has got to be digging deep to love ya for what's on the inside," Rick smirked and took a sip of coffee.
"Shut it," Darryl chuckled.
"YOU ARE JUST GONNA CHIT CHAT WHILE THEY HAVE YOUR WIFE HANDCUFFED TO A CHAIR?" Lori screamed from across the room causing Rick to almost choke on his bitter coffee.
"Does she know that she is your ex-wife? That you have a new current wife?" Darryl asked shaking his head at Lori.
"Does she know you have a new, current, pregnant, wife," Morgan added as he walked over to join the conversation, "She seems delusional and dangerous Rick. How do you want to handle this?"
Rick's phone buzzed and he pulled it from his pocket.
Rosita: I just heard what happened. I have been waiting to break in my new Katana.
Rick gasped out loud and showed the text to Darryl.
"That's normal," Darryl replied then pointed at his phone, "hurry up and tell her no."
Rick: No thanks. You do know we are at the police station, right?
Rosita: Rick, I am the best lawyer in this state. Lol. Police stations are not a problem. You sure? I can take care of that pendeja. Solo una pequena porcion del costado.
Rick furrowed his brow and showed the text to Darryl who smirked.
"Asshole," Darryl answered pointing at the Spanish word, "And I am not sure, but I think that last part says. Just a little…hold on let me look that one up. Oh, just a little slice off the side. Damn."
"Would Rosita actually cut Lori with her Katana?" Rick asked startled.
"Don't let Rosita scare you. She is smart and won't do anything to harm anyone unless it's self-defense. I saw her beat the shit out of a man that put his hands on her once. By the time Abe and I arrived to beat his ass, Rosita had already taken care of him. She's a sweetheart. If you let her, she would just go over there and whisper to Lori that she has a weapon in her bag and would put her out of her misery once she is out on bail. Then pat her expensive briefcase to further the threat," Darryl chuckled, and Rick nodded a little impressed.
Rick: No thanks. Maybe next time though
"What do you think Captain? If we book her then she has to go through the whole system. Jail. Arraignment. Bail. Court. I would rather let her go hoping she learned her lesson sitting over there in handcuffs," Rick asked but seemed skeptical, "Besides, I have a bodyguard named Rosita now."
Darryl laughed out loud and Morgan shook his head.
"So, your ex-wife screaming at you to let her go or she will hit you again is not a good enough clue that she has NOT learned a lesson detective? Can you hear her?" Morgan asked as he stared unbelievably at one of his best investigators.
Rick looked over at Lori who was even more agitated as she sat trying to pull the cuffs loose from the chair with no luck. Lori had stopped shouting and seemed to be mumbling curses at the metal arm of the chair, then began shouting Rick's name again. Rick blew his breath and made a final decision.
"All right. Book her," Rick decided, and Morgan told an officer to take her fingerprints and mugshot.
Lori was livid, screaming so loud at Rick that he and Darryl walked out of the station. Lori was furious as she sat in the jail cell staring at the inked tips of her fingers. Lori was dead inside and all she had to keep her warm now was vengeance.
"I want my one phone call!" Lori shouted through the bars.
"I told you not to move back there Lori! And what do you expect me to do? I don't have two dimes to rub together for myself anymore. I can't count on my own daughter to take care of her mother and…." Lori's mother spat and was stopped by Lori.
"Oh, cut the shit mom. I have never asked you for a dime, meanwhile you had your hand out begging for money since I was sixteen working at the dairy queen. Then you guilt tripped me into taking care of you while you were supposedly sick instead of going away to college, which almost cost me Rick! Now you…" Lori spat at her mother, but the officer cleared his throat.
"This is not the time for chit chatting about your life choices ma'am. You get two minutes, and you are already down to one, wrap it up," The officer demanded, and Lori rolled her eyes.
"Mom, I am being arraigned later this afternoon. I just need you to come down here and bail me out please!" Lori begged.
"With what Lori? Since you divorced Rick, we are both broke. Call a bail bondsman," Lori's mother suggested and hung up the phone.
Lori almost cried and asked the officer to take pity on her and allow her to make one more phone call. She dialed Shane's number and when he noticed it was Atlanta PD, he blew a breath and answered. He thought it might be Rick. Shane had been thinking of a way to call him and make things right and he thought a chance might have landed in his lap.
"Hello," Shane answered tentatively.
"Shane? This is Lori. I'm in Jail and I…." Lori began and stopped when she heard a dial tone.
Lori was pissed and forcibly slammed the phone back into its cradle. Lori was cursing Shane's name as she was walked back to her cell.
"At your arraignment the judge will set bail and there are usually bail bondsman available," The officer informed emphatically as he escorted her inside her cell, "Your arraignment is at 3:30pm. Consider yourself lucky that you don't have to wait till morning."
Lori watched the officer leave and prayed she would not have to spend the night in jail. Thirty minutes later, Lori remembered something. She had a lawyer! Negan Smith was her damn lawyer!
"Officer! Please! I need another call!" Lori shouted.
"Sorry miss. We already gave you an extra call. You are tapped out!" The officer answered with an annoyed tone.
"But it's my lawyer!" Lori whined and the officer took a frustrated breath and let her out one last time.
"Negan! I'm in jail! I need a lawyer! Please!" Lori hollered gripping the phone tightly.
"Is this about the fertility clinic?" Negan asked with interest.
"No, they claim I assaulted my husband, and he pressed charges," Lori bit still angry that Rick would put her in jail.
Lori did not have the self-awareness to understand that she got herself put in jail. Negan chuckled that Lori was still fantasizing that her ex-husband was still her current husband. Most of their conversations eventually ended with Lori ranting about how Rick was stolen from her by some "conniving black woman" whose baby is probably not even Rick's. Negan did not mind. The longer Lori talked, the more money he made. Lori did not realize she was always on the clock.
"Well, sweetheart, that would dig into your retainer for the fertility clinic case," Negan replied with a shit eating grin and Lori gawked that Negan would eat at her retainer to help resolve this particular situation.
"How much will I have left?" Lori almost whispered in desperation.
"I already used about $1500 doing the research," Negan informed, "You have about $3500 of the retainer left. You want to use some of that for this?"
"How much would it cost?" Lori asked worriedly, already pissed that Negan would not return the retainer for her to pay her bills.
"Well, I would need to come up to the station to look at the charges. Attend your arraignment and plead your case. Then the clerk's office to pay your bail," Negan informed and waited quietly for Lori's decision.
"You will pay my bail!" Lori hollered excitedly.
"No, you will give me the money and I will pay to get you out," Negan huffed annoyed at her audacity.
"I gave you all my money," Lori uttered.
"Well sweetheart. I can work with a bails bondsman and get you all set up. Then I will meet you at the jail to help you with processing your paperwork. Then we must think about representation for your court date. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this will zap all of your money sugarplum. You will have none left for your lawsuit unless you can come up with another $5000."
Lori sneered at all the pet names Negan called her as if to soften the blow of bad news. Lori figured mostly it was because he was an asshole sexist pig. Lori thought about her options. She needed to take care of this emergency first. She would try to get Negan to continue the fertility case by offering him a percentage of the settlement. That was going to be a big, fat NO from Negan. The "research" that he did was to call the lawyer of Dr. Daniels and when she informed him that they are not liable and could only sue the nurse, who filed for bankruptcy and was going to jail, Negan was out. He was going to pretend to continue to work until he could say her $3500 was gone. Negan was a little miffed that he was going to have to actually work for the money.
"Come and help me now. We can talk about suing the fertility clinic later," Lori huffed in defeat.
By the end of the day, Lori was out on bail with a court date a month away. Lori's life was spinning out of control, yet she could not get Rick out of her system so that she could focus on her own issues.
"First things first Lori," She whispered to herself as she looked for her car in the parking lot, "I need money right now. Rick can wait a little while."
Lori decided to ask her boss, the man she was sexing but ghosted when he could not get her pregnant, if she could have an advance in her salary. Lori grew frustrated when she walked around the parking lot twice and could not find her vehicle.
"Looking for your car," An officer asked who was walking out of the building, "It was towed. We don't allow people who get arrested to keep their vehicles here."
"FUCK!" Lori shouted and sat down on the hard pavement and cried.
Negan had already left. Lori had no ride to get to her car, and no money to pay to retrieve it. Three days later, Michonne was planning for the arrival of her baby. She had her hospital bag packed, checked to make sure the nursery was ready, and checked the freezer for all the delicious casseroles and dinners Ella and Camile had been making so they would not have to worry about food.
"You have checked everything three times Michonne, settle down!" Sasha uttered as she watched her sister scurry around the house, "Where is Ella and Richard?"
"I just want to avoid problems Sasha!" Michonne hollered and rolled her eyes at her sister, "I am due in like two days! Ella and Richard went to run some errands since you were coming over. Mama should be here soon. Why are you here again? Shouldn't you be at work?"
"First of all, I own MY practice, so I set MY own hours, and I can leave when I want to! Besides, I didn't have any appointments this afternoon. I guess most people wanted to hurry up and discuss their butt lifts, tummy tucks, and calf implants this morning," Sasha giggled, "Besides, Dr. T-Dog is there."
"Calf implants?" Michonne asked stunned.
"Oh, Girl. They are very popular with men. A lot of procedures are. You would be surprised. Shoot, men make up half my clientele. Don't underestimate how much men want to change their bodies too Michonne. Anyway, back to my point. You can't plan for everything. What is all this nervousness about," Sasha asked knowing her sister well enough to see she was rattled about something.
Michonne blew out a breath and Sasha helped her down onto the couch.
"A lot of things Sash. Rick's ex-wife is acting all crazy," Michonne began.
"Oh yeah, she is gone to cuckoo land," Sasha stated and twirled her finger near her temple nonverbally calling Lori crazy, "But Rick and Darryl are on it. Rosita too! Next?"
"Not knowing what to do if the baby won't stop crying. I was reading that some women don't make enough breast milk to feed their baby. What if I starve my baby and I don't even know it!" Michonne rattled off her list of worries.
"It will be automatic Michonne. Once you are a mother you will be attuned to all your baby's needs," Sasha assured.
"Will it hurt? Childbirth I mean?" Michonne asked tentatively.
"You ever have cramps?" Sasha asked and Michonne shook her head.
"I was lucky to never have to go through that part of menstruation. You know that!" Michonne smiled with a little smugness.
"Well, have you ever had a cramp in your foot? Leg? I swear talking to you sometimes is like talking to that potted plant over there," Sasha bit and rolled her eyes.
Sasha got up and walked over to the plant and asked it the same question she asked Michonne. Michonne sucked her teeth.
"You are so dramatic. Yes, I had a trolly horse one time in my leg that woke me from my sleep. It hurt like hell. I was jumping around the house for 15min," Michonne remembered as she rubbed the back of the formally affected leg with her left foot as if she still felt residual pain, "I made sure to try and get my electrolytes every day after that."
"Well imagine that trolly horse, but a hundred times worse!" Sasha explained and laughed when Michonne's eyes got big.
"Are you shitting with me Sasha?" Michonne asked with big scared eyes.
"Nope, but they say that women forget the pain once they have the baby and that's why we have multiple children. But I made it a point to remember my pain with those twins. I have my one boy and one girl all at once. I ain't going through that again," Sasha exclaimed shaking her head side-to-side.
"Aww, my cutie patooties. You think it will be hard when they leave the house at the same time?" Michonne asked with sadness for her sister.
"What do you mean?" Sasha answered perplexed.
"They are twins Sasha! When they graduate, both will leave at the same time for college. You and Darryl will have an empty nest," Michonne explained with a chuckle.
Sasha thought for a while.
"I never thought of it like that!" Shasha muttered worriedly, her eyes getting glassy from her tears.
Michonne waddled her way off the couch and wobbled towards the potted plant and spoke into it.
"When you have twins, they are the same age. Which means they will graduate high school at the same time and go off to college at the same time. Do you understand what I am saying?" Michonne asked the plant and laughed but stopped when Sasha had shed a few tears, "Sasha," Michonne uttered gently, "they are only three years old. You have years before all of that."
"Yes, but I want more years!" Sasha declared and called her husband as she headed to the front door, "Darryl! Get home and make sure lil Darryl is hard and ready!"
"Ewww," Michonne uttered as she walked her sister to the front porch.
"We are having more children and I want to start now! Well yes, I am on birth control, and I need to get off but we can practice Darryl! Can you get off? Well, I know you can get off," Sasha chuckled, "I meant work? We can try that thing you have been…."
Michonne slammed the door on her sister. She did not want to hear about anything those two did in private.
"Yuck," Michonne muttered.
"You can shut the door, but I bet you and Rick are freaks too!" Sasha shouted though the closed front door before heading to her car.
"Damn Right," Michonne grinned as she wobbled to the kitchen for a snack.
Two days later and Michonne had not even had so much as a cramp. Not a single contraction. By Sunday, Rick and Michonne were panicked and drove to the emergency room despite Ella and Camile's assurance that the baby would come when it's ready, and no earlier. The emergency room doctor called her regular doctor, Dr. Carson, then the emergency room doctor performed an ultrasound and assured the nervous couple that everything was fine and gave them the same message as Ella and Camille did before they ran out the door. Babies will come when they are ready. Michonne received a call from Dr. Carson as she was getting dressed.
"Dr. Webster just informed me everything looks great. If the baby does not come in a few days, then we can induce labor. Today is Sunday, and you are only a week late Michonne. Let's give it just a few more days. Let's see, Since Wednesday is Halloween, we can induce Thursday morning. But I am sure the baby will come before that."
"I wanted the baby to be here BEFORE Halloween! We were gonna decorate the house and I even have a cute costume for the baby! I was gonna be Daphne, Rick was going to be Shaggy, and the baby was going to be Scooby Doo! Why can't you come now," Michonne looked down and spoke to her belly, "Mommy is miserable, and mommy has plans!"
Rick laughed and helped his wife put on her shirt. Rick was just as anxious to meet his baby, but he needed to keep Michonne calm.
"Ok, Doc. "We will keep you posted," Rick chuckled.
"I guess we can dress up next Halloween," Michonne whined.
At 1am Wednesday morning, officially Halloween day, October 31st, Michonne had her first contraction. By 6am, she was holding her little bundle of joy in a hospital room with Rick grinning from ear-to-ear.