Chapter LXIV

Dream and Confusion

With a start, I open my eyes, swallowing a deep breath of air.

Frantically, I analyze everything around me as I fill my empty lungs with oxygen, and do so with misery. I hyperventilate; my breath is agony. I'm in my bed, under my sheets. A daylight glow vainly illuminates my room. It's daytime. Naruto is lying next to me with his back to me. He snores softly.

I'm sweaty, completely soaked, and shaking like a leaf. A few black stars stain my vision. Dizzy, I hold my head … my poor head hit with powerful, vicious hammer blows. Then, an excruciating pain in my left eye tears a silent complaint from me; I feel as if someone has just inserted a needle into my Sharingan… I place my hand on it while I inhale deeply to regain control over my useless breathing, to slow down the raging race in my chest.

Another sharp pain in my arm makes me wince. I look at my arm and find a bite that wasn't there yesterday.

I frown.

What does that mean?

I put my brain to work despite the panic I'm in. I don't have the slightest memory of going to bed or feeding Naruto… However, I'm in my bed and my arm is bitten. If I try to remember, everything rushes like an apocalyptic chaos.

Yesterday…

Yes…

Yesterday…

Yesterday, I was prey to this feral Naruto who desecrated my neck and plunged my whole being into the worst suffering of my life…

I gasp and freeze.

Trembling and agonizingly slowly, I bring my hand to the left side of my neck. I stop when my fingers barely touch it. I fear these holes in my flesh, which will burn me in the flames of hell. When I finally caress my skin carefully, I feel no pain… In fact, I don't detect the slightest injury.

Unable to separate real from fake, I jump up. With a wavering gait, I head to my bathroom where I examine my neck. In front of the mirror, I see that I'm as pale as a ghost. I'm still a little dizzy and I have a fever; my forehead is hot and sweaty. I take my mask down to better observe my skin. I inspect it with my hands and eyes, but I find no bite marks, no wounds, nothing at all. Nothing.

Did I dream?!

Did I imagine the whole thing?!

Have I lost my memory?!

I don't have the slightest memory in mind about last night. What time did I go to bed? When did I feed Naruto my chakra? I try hard to think, I overheat my useless brain, but nothing comes back to me. It's blank, emptiness and confusion. However, the marks on my arm are real and the pain caused by my traumatized chakra vein is the same… My chakra reserves are still limited. I did indeed wake up in my bed as usual. My silver hair looks ridiculous due to the static electricity I pick up from contact with Naruto. By sliding my hand into these, the numerous painless shocks confirm this to me.

Was this whole attack an unfortunate nightmare? If Naruto didn't poison me enough, allowing me to surf on the river of dreams, it's possible. Maybe this cursed, stuffed Kakashi brought up these fears, these anxieties rooted in my subconscious that came back alive during my sleep?

It can only be that. I don't find any bite marks on my neck, no scratches that appeared mysteriously. Inspecting my body, I find no bruises… If this had really happened, I'd be marked with many feral wounds; Naruto brutalized me so roughly last time…

I guess this full moon night haunts me more than I thought…

- XxX -

This strange dream greatly upsets and disturbs me. My heart is pounding when I see myself again in the grip of that Naruto, only being able to look at him in helplessness. This pain… It all seemed so … real. But I have to accept that none of that happened, especially since Naruto is normal and in a good mood.

I ask him about it. He just stares at me with question marks in his eyes. If he were responsible, he would've betrayed himself; I know him very well. With all this panic and stress, I laze around for two days. I'm emotionally and physically exhausted.

Strangely, I sometimes experience a sharp pain that comes out of nowhere in my left eye… This weird sensation is similar to a needle soaked in alcohol being stuck into it. My retina burns when this happens, and this fleeting pain disappears immediately afterwards. Examining my Sharingan in more detail, I don't find anything abnormal. Curious.

- XxX -

I can't wait to leave my apartment, which is starting to make me depress. Shikamaru has finished preparations for tonight and is just waiting for me and Naruto at sunset.

As agreed, I'll stick around. This will soothe the feral boy. As the distance increased during his last three outings, his anxiety and stress grew. Plus, Lady Tsunade gave us the go. The situation is a little more stable, but this weak balance can easily break and turn sour.

When he wakes up, Naruto seems disconcerted. As he opens his arms to me for a hug, he looks at me from head to toe, perplexed. He didn't expect me to be dressed in my shinobi outfit, already ready. He stares at my feet for a long time, frowning. The moment I tell him that we're both going outside, Naruto suddenly lunges at me, his tail wagging more than ever. I lose my balance and fall to the ground. Upon contact, I receive a gentle electric shock. Naruto is so excited that he doesn't realize he's just electrocuted me…

He expresses his joy with incomprehensible songs. His face is too close to mine and for dubious reasons, he's about to remove my headband… I don't try to understand, and I grab his hand to stop him. I don't know what he wants to do and I don't care.

"Naruto. If you want to go outside, get ready," I say, getting up and gently pushing him away from me.

The sapphire-eyed boy lets out a silent laugh and complies. While wagging his tail happily, he rummages through the cupboard where I've stored his things. Unsurprisingly, he dons his classic orange outfit. While he ties his headband on his forehead, I wait for him at the entrance.

It's not quite nightfall, but I plan to walk a little with him before meeting with Shikamaru. Naruto is excited to come outside with me under the dark sky.

After drinking straight from the tap, my student puts on his sandals and waits impatiently for me to open the door. He can't stay in place; his overexcited body trembles, and his goofy smile never leaves his dazzling face. This time he doesn't cling to my arm. I sketch a sincere smile.

After long days of suffocating between four walls, I finally set foot outside.

- XxX -

The sky gradually takes on its shades of yellow and pink, and slowly gives way to dark night blue, soon black. Naruto is much more comfortable than before. His nocturnal pupils scan the surroundings with curiosity. His sensitive nostrils follow this desire to discover everything. Sometimes, he grabs my arm to show me something. Whether it's pastries, food stalls, cosmetics or flowers, the smells tickle his nose and arouse interest in him.

Of course, scornful and disdainful looks are true to their post. I remain unmoved, ignoring them as best I can. The whispers ring my ears, invite themselves into my head to resonate in an echo that isn't welcomed. This hateful nickname is said behind my back. I hear the disappointments of seeing me again with Naruto, to whom they pin the words "beast" and "demon." The rumours are more discreet, but are still as far-fetched and slanderous… Nothing has really changed, although people are more silent.

Naruto ignores them more easily than I do—rather, it's as if they don't exist. However, his possessive and fearful behaviour remains. Sometimes, he clings to my arm when there are too many people. Each time, I whisper sweet words to calm him down.

I read while keeping a watchful eye on my student. He's less and less anxious with the arrival of darkness. I have to put my book aside when he wants to show me something. Otherwise, he gets offended. If I don't fake to be ecstatic with him, he glares at me and growls… Naruto forces me to embarrass myself alone so as not to spoil his joy… Moreover, if I don't restart the walk, Naruto stands there for far too long.

The sun's disappearance means it's time to hand him over to Shikamaru. For once, I'm optimistic. The blond behaved well despite the few rather acceptable slip-ups. The darkness, although disturbed by the artificial lights of Konohagakure, doesn't make him blind. His gaze isn't glued to the ground; he keeps his head high. He looks away from the bright lights, but nothing more.

I put a hand on his shoulder to encourage him to follow me, so he ceases stopping every minute… It works, and it doesn't take long for me to reach the meeting point in question.

I notice Shikamaru in an alley, in which he's smoking. When he sees us, he quickly puts out his cigarette butt before approaching us, palm in the air. "Kakashi-Sensei! Naruto! Good evening!"

"Yo!"

Glancing at Naruto, his expression doesn't change—on the contrary, he's happy to see him. He doesn't cling to me either; he wisely stays by my side.

"He seems in a good mood this evening," notes Shikamaru. "He doesn't look anxious at all."

"Indeed," I nod. "I went out earlier than expected and he had a similar reaction when all four of us were there, maybe even better. I'm sure you won't have any problems with him."

"If what you say is true, I can only believe you, Kakashi-Sensei."

I nod.

"Hey, Naruto!" exclaims Shikamaru, opening an arm to invite him. "You come? I planned an evening with our friends, and they're all looking forward to seeing you!"

Naruto frowns; he's not convinced. However, he doesn't cling to me to demonstrate any refusal, although he briefly slipped his foot towards me. He prefers to stay by my side, which barely surprises me.

"Naruto," I call out to him in turn. "Shikamaru has prepared an activity just for you with your old friends. You may not remember them, but you were all good friends back then. I'm sure you'll like it." I place a friendly hand on his shoulder, showing a jovial expression. "I won't be far. So you don't have to worry. If all goes well, I'll take you for a walk before going home, is that fine with you?"

Naruto smiles from ear to ear before hugging me tightly with all his limbs. He even sings a few silent melodies. I hug him back … not without taking a look around. Of course, people stare at me askance, and it's not like I can push Naruto away either.

"I trust you, Naruto. We'll see each other again soon," I say, ruffling his hair and separating from him.

With a timid movement, my student gently clings to Shikamaru's sleeve. Much more serene, he's not devoured by anxiety.

"I'll bring him back to you once we're done, Kakashi-Sensei," Shikamaru tells me, greeting me with a wave of his hand.

"Hai, hai," I agree, imitating him.

Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I watch them leave. Naruto gives me one last glance while accompanying the other teenager. I let out a sigh of relief. He's finally gaining independence and can do without me. I managed to tame him with the help of Shikamaru. Little by little, he gets rid of his separation anxiety disorder and his fear of humanity. I'm convinced that everything will go well and that Naruto will reconnect with his old comrades. Maybe a few scraps of his memory will resurface, who knows?

I hope so.

See Naruto again…

I only wish that.

For the first time since this whole story began, I'm finally alone on the streets of Konohagakure. I sweep my gaze everywhere. Honestly, I don't know what to do. I don't have to monitor my student, making sure he doesn't stray from his good behaviour. I feel weird; I don't know how to interpret this emotion that takes hold of me. I'm a little lost in the face of the unknown. What do I want, here, now, right now? Even though I think and think and think, nothing comes to mind.

I resign myself to the only thing I know, a comfort I hold dear. I take out my favourite book and start reading. I wander without any real destination, without any real purpose. I'll find something eventually. As long as I stay in the neighbourhood and surrounding areas, I'm free to do what I want… Maa, if I find what I want to do.

Without warning, a terrible pain stings my retina. I wince as I place a hand against my forehead protector, under which my Sharingan is hidden… That weird burning sensation is back, like I have soap in my eye, but worse, much worse. Inexplicably, this pain immediately disappears, as if I had just hallucinated. It's starting to worry me a little to be honest. However, my vision isn't affected or blurred; it's always the same, intact. The last time I experienced this somewhat unpleasant and strange phenomenon was after Rin's death. It was only years later that I understood what was happening to me.

Am I developing another Mangekyō Sharingan or what?

"Sir, sir, this way," a middle-aged female voice calls out to me.

On my right, there's a stand with many beauty products of all kinds, more specifically perfumes. A sweet-faced old woman, probably in her sixties, beckons me with a wave of her hand. With all these rumours proliferating without limits and her lack of contempt towards me, I respond to her invitation.

"We've just made a new experimental perfume intended for a male clientele," she hurries to explain to me, showing me a glass vial. "We'd love to hear your opinion!"

I let out a nervous laugh. "Thank you, but no thanks," I politely refuse, pointing in the direction of my departure. "You know, it's not really my—"

"Now, now," she cuts me off. "Even gentlemen like you can wear perfume at one time or another."

"Huh…"

Before I can say anything, she grabs my hand and sprays my wrist. Immediately, an unpleasant smell stings my nose, to the point that I refrain from sticking out my tongue. The stench is nauseating, vile and far too strong. To my misfortune, it anchors itself in my innocent nostrils, which didn't ask for anything…

"What do you think?" she asks me, smiling.

I suppress a grimace of disgust. "It's … exotic," I laugh unnaturally. "Please excuse me, but I'm expected somewhere…"

I greet her with a wave of my hand, and turn on my heel to escape the discomfort that this embarrassing exchange has caused. I briefly sniff my skin … and quickly move it away from my face, squinting. Obviously, she needs to review her recipes; it's a real olfactory disaster. I don't know which is worse, Naruto's body perfume or that vomit smell. I try to chase away this odious scent by rubbing my wrist with a little of my saliva. To my dismay, the smell won't go away. It anchored itself on my skin and in my nose; I can no longer smell anything other than this scent of carrion.

I plan to get rid of it with intensive hand-washing, with lots and lots of soap. With Naruto's unhealthy obsession with smells of all kinds, he will sniff me embarrassingly for too long when he returns… Maybe he'll judge it as disgusting? To the point of subjecting me to a drool bath against my will?

A shiver runs through my body. Cold sweat dampens my back. That image of myself being licked by Naruto, who is holding me hostage with his brute strength doesn't delight me at all. Let him run his filthy and weird tongue over certain parts of my body, my crotch… I want to curl up into a ball and disappear.

My outing is already ruined since I'm reeking of a stench with suspicious components…