Total Drama Homespun, Episode 1, part 2.
Child's Play
...
...
In the endless expanse of the infinite cosmos, there exists a place far removed from the withering doldrums of modern life.
Here there is a kingdom untouched by sadness. Where the blues of the skies and greens of the fields are brighter than should be possible and even the round peaks of the mountains have smiling faces.
In this happy land, a fairy tale castle stands, white walled and red roofed. It stands tall, looking out an utterly peaceful scene… for the moment.
A shadow looms over the castle and the quaint town below. A warship has appeared in the sky, wood hulled and suspended in the air by massive propellers atop its masts. On the airship's deck a tiny vaguely draconic turtle spies his target through a spy glass. He gives a youthful cackle.
"Aha! Thirteenth times the charm! Let's go Koopas!"
The turtle guards by his side salute.
He hops in a smaller propelled vehicle and leaps from his airship. Barging through the front gate of the castle below.
"Ha ha HA! Surrender Princess Peach! My papa has a new marriage proposal for you! And this time he's not taking no for an answer!"
He laughs then trails off. There's no response to his presence. No terrified princess, no panicking guards. He blinks in surprise.
"Peach?"
Nothing. Not a single sign of life in the hallway.
"Huh…"
There's the faintest noise from one of the side rooms. The turtle's lips curl victoriously. In his flying machine he rushes through and kicks down the door.
"FOUND YOU!"
"YA!"
The person on the other side of room yelps and leaps into the air in fear. It's not the princess, it's a young mustached man in green cap and blue overalls. Behind him a similar looking man in a red cap is snoring in an armchair. An open magazine draped over his sleeping face. The turtle recoils.
"Not you pesky plumbers!"
"Bowser Jr!" The green one cries. "Wha-What are you doing here?"
"What do you think!? Kidnapping the princess! Where is she? Or her guards?" He looks around. "Or anyone in the Mushroom Kingdom besides you Mario Brothers."
Luigi, the green caped Mario Brother chuckles fretfully.
"The ah P-pa-princess. S-she's a gone away."
"WHAT!?" Roars the tyke. "Again!? She can't keep doing this to Papa! Where's her toads? Or her friends!? I'll take them hostage while she's gone."
"They're all gone."
Bowser Jr gapes at him.
"THE WHOLE KINGDOM LEFT THIS TIME!?"
Luigi whimpers.
"Yeah."
Bowser Jr groans miserably.
"Papa's not gonna be happy about this."
…
"This way now ladies and gentleman."
In a place so terribly far from her kingdom, Princess Peach strolls contented into a vast study, her friends and an entourage of toads besides her.
"Oh Rodney it's lovely"
Rodney J Squirrel, master of the study and the expansive house beyond it chuckles.
"Thank you, Princess. I spend a great deal of time here, therefore I had some reason in making it cozy."
Rodney study is ovular with high ceilings decorated ornately with an emphasis on wood paneling. The opposite wall from them is dominated by a towering screen currently switched off. A wood laminated master console beneath it. Mounted treasure and flags and book shelves and all sorts of things line the other wall. Inlayed at eye level there's a display of busts of all sorts of figures, philosophers mathematicians, theorists and adventures, what have you. Some human, some decidedly less sort. One of the latter catches Chef Hatchet's eye.
"'Shadow the Hedgehog, King of NickEarth.'" He reads confessed.
"Oh, we meet him last season." Peach says. "His world's not far from here. Maybe he'll visit again."
"Perhaps he may." Rodney agrees. "Now! To business!"
He presses a button and the screens come to life.
…
In their vast cathedral like room the contestants are still peering over the edge of the chasm apprehensively. Chris stands behind them smiling.
"Like I said. Anyone want to go first?" He asks them.
The cast turns back to him. A myriad of different emotions across them, mostly negative.
"You're insane if you expect us to cross that." Guzma says. He folds his arms and scowlsat the host. Chris shrugs innocently.
"You're the one that signed up for the show dude."
"I wasn't expecting anything as dangerous as this."
"Then you should have read the brochure better." Chris laughs. "Now. This challenge will be coming at you in three parts. The Goal of round one will be to get across the furniture with the fastest time. Winner gets an advantage in the last round."
Katara raises her hand. "…And if we fall?"
"Then your disqualified." Chris smiles.
"…And dead." Max adds cheerfully. Chris makes an indecisive noise.
"Maybe."
"What do you mean by maybe?" Bruce asks, frowning at the host.
"Just focus on not falling." Chris tells him unhelpfully.
With that their saunters back over to the door they came in. It opens like an elevator and he steps in and ascends away.
"That doesn't make sense." Fry says.
"None of this makes sense." Guzma says.
"Not that. The door," Fry clarifies. "How long was it an elevator?"
"Look, sometimes rooms just suddenly turn out to be elevators," Steve says. "Don't focus on it we got bigger problems."
"It seems that challenge as he calls it could be are only path of escape." Zelda says, ruefully glancing towards the place the door they came in had been.
"We don't actually have to do this do we?" Miko asks.
"We could refuse." Bruce says. "If none of us participate than he doesn't have much of a show."
"I'm open to a Spartacus style gladiator revolt." Wallace says causally.
"If its all the same I'd rather be a millionaire." Tenpenny says.
"Go ahead and try it then." Shego encourages him boredly.
Tenpenny gives her a smile dripping with mock chivalry.
"Ladies first."
Shego's eye's narrow.
"Fine."
And with a running start she lunges towards the ledge and leaps, landing on the sofa floating a metre or so off of it, then vaulting through the air toward the coffee table behind that, then the armchair behind that. Then to a TV Stand, another sofa, an ottoman, a love seat, a large shelf, another chair. Leaping from one to the next as effortlessly and acrobatically as an Olympic gymnast. She lands on her feet on the other side then turns back, smirking pridefully, and cups her hands to her mouth.
"Beat that!"
Her fellow cast members stare impressed.
"What a woman." Steve says breathlessly.
Tenpenny whistles. "No kidding."
"Hate to interrupt Casanovas." Leela says. "But that still leaves only one person not at risk of dying today."
"Two." Fry corrects. "That guy in the red suit's a vampire so he's already dead…. Also, he's over there now."
The others look. Alucard is indeed now standing over with Shego on the other side of the pit.
"Dude! How'd you TP over there so fast!?" Miko calls to him.
Fry shrugs. "I dunno. Vampire powers?"
"Why didn't you say we could use our powers!?" Penny demands.
She quickly grabs the pencil resting behind her ear and sketches out a Pegasus. Just as soon as she's finished it, it comes to life, she hops onto it and takes off into the air.
"This challenge has just turned into a cup of tea then it has. Shame about the rest of you lot. Guess you'll just have to think of something won't you?"
She laughs and flies off. Guzma sneers after her.
"Two can play at that game!"
He raises his little red and white capsule and shouts.
"Vikavolt! Let's go!"
The capsule glows red and a large insectoid creature materialized before him. It rasps a call vaguely like it's own name.
Guzma grabs hold of its legs.
"Vikavolt! Fly!"
The creature rasps again and takes off. Lifting Guzma over the pit. He touches down on the other side just as Penny lands her stead. A moment later Vultureman takes off and flies over as well.
"I think it's starting to get a sense of what kind of people I'm competing with." Steve says. "Anyone else feel that way, or I'm I the only one having a mild panic attack?"
"Hey I hear you." Miko says. "It's awesome though."
"Yeah yup. Kind of yeah." Steve agrees. "So… anybody else got any amazing powers they want to show off?"
"Nope!" Miko says suspiciously quick.
"I don't think my waterbending will help with this." Katara says.
Olivia leans toward the pit. Seemingly considering something, then shakes her head.
"No…"
Tenpenny raises an eyebrow. "No what?"
"Just analysing." Olivia says opaquely.
"A very wise idea in a time like this." Zelda agrees.
"Precisely my feelings on the matter." Herlock says. "I've been carefully considering our circumstances from the moment we arrived."
Tenpenny gives him a look.
"Alright Sherlock-"
"Herlock!"
"Whatever. What's your plan?"
Herlock messages his chin thoughtfully and closes his eyes.
"That host of ours. Didn't seem very precise in his warnings, did he?"
"Good point. Why'd he said we'd maybe die if we hit the lava. That should be a really solid example of a violent death." Steve says.
"Quite right you are." Herlock agrees.
"Maybe he's just got a sick sense of humour." Max argues. "I know plenty of guys like that. Myself included."
"That my lagomorph friend is undoubtable. However, I disagree that it was the cause of his behavior. No, my fair comrades. More sinister motives are a foot! The host is being dishonest on purpose about the true nature of our circumstance. For if we fall, we land not in the cold embrace of death but in a fate worse than death! Yes indeed! I've done it!"
"Well done detective, now I'm even less egger to try this." Wallace says.
Jack peers over the edge.
"It can't really be lava down there can it?"
Entrapta appears by his side.
"Can't it?"
Jack shrugs off his backpack and pulls out a book, flipping through it in search of answers.
"If only we could test it."
"Great idea." Gary says.
The older boy causally tears the book from Jack's hand and tosses it over the side.
"My book!" Jack cries.
The book tumbles downward, pages fluttering before it lands on the glowing liquid with a soft splat. Miko squints.
"Doesn't look like it's burning."
Gary smirks in satisfaction. "The response I think you're looking for is "Thank you Gary", for being the only one that isn't a simpleton paralysed at the first sign of obstruction."
Tenpenny smacks him hard on the back of the head.
"You keep messing with kids like that you ain't gonna be here long. Now apologize to the child."
"Don't tell me what to do porkchop!"
Tenpenny gives him a very dangerous look.
"Oh… You do not want to play that game Gary."
He takes a step towards Gary. Fry steps between them.
"Alright that's enough! From both of you. We've just been invited to that nice squirrel's house and here we are already fighting like frogs."
"Someone has to go already." Tenpenny says, his patience clearly wanning.
"If it get everyone to stop fighting I'll go." Fry offers.
"Fry that's noble and everything. But isn't it a little early in the game to get yourself killed?" Leela asks.
"Leela it's alright. If I fall down there and die a horrible fiery death, you can just get yourself another robot copy of me."
"That was kind of a pain." Leela reflects. "Maybe I'll see if The Professor could clone you again."
"Good enough for me." Fry says. "Alright. Everyone. Stand back."
The others clear a space around them, a sense of bystander syndrome having overtaken them.
Fry takes a running leap and lands on the first sofa.
"Hey! I'm not dead."
He stands up and leaps to the coffee table.
"Hey I'm still not dead!"
"That's great Fry!" Leela calls.
Fry makes it to the third piece of furniture, the fourth.
"Oh snap! He might actually have this." Miko says impressed.
The others contestants start cheering him on. First Wallace, then Miko and Steve. Soon half the contestants are chanting his name in encouragement.
"Fry! Fry! Fry! Fry!"
Fry's five pieces in now, the halfway point. He jumps to furniture number six then seven, almost losing his footing.
Bruce looks on with deep unease.
"It feels horribly unethical watching this."
Besides him Elizabeth Bennet looks up from her book. One of Jack's that had fallen from his backpack.
"If such blood sport is common place then it would seem the future of mankind is quite more savage than even it bares to admit." She observes dryly.
"Come on Fry you got this!" Wallace calls.
Fry's only three jumps from the end now. There's a dinning room table, a bean bag chair, then one last couch and he's home free.
He steals himself, jumps for the table… and comes up short.
The others let out of chorus of panic noises. As the delivery boy is left desperately hanging on to one of the table's legs.
"He's going to fall!" Zelda cries.
"I've got this." Miko shouts stepping forward.
But whatever she's planning she doesn't get the chance to do it. Something distracts her, and the most of the others for that manner. Standing on the table Fry's clinging to Chris Mclean has suddenly appeared, or specifically it seems a hologram of him has.
"Fry! Dude! I see you're making good progress. How you feeling?"
"I've been better!" Fry admits. "You're not by any chance here because you've taken pity on me have you?"
"Sort of…" Chris says. "See I've got a little secret to share and now seemed like as good time as any…"
Princess Daisy appears in the hologram, eying everything excitedly.
"Wow! Are you talking to everyone right now? That's so cool! Show me how it works?"
Chris pushes here aside.
"…As I was saying Fry. That lava beneath you? Don't worry. It's only water."
"It is?!" Fry cries hopefully. Chris nods.
"Oh yeah. Totally. Just glowing coloured water. Perfectly harmless." Chris snickers. "The poisonous jellyfish and vicious man-eating piranhas swimming in it? Yeah they might be a different story."
"What!?"
The revelation startles Fry enough that he lets go of the leg.
"AGGGGGGGHhhhhh…"
Chris cackles.
"HAVE A PLEASANT SWIM FRY!"
Fry spirals downward towards the waters. Landing on its surface stomach first.
To everyone's surprise he bounces. Flying back into the air before slowly coming to halt. The glowing substance being neither liquid water or rock, but some sort of gelatinous surface. He let's out a laugh of relief.
"FRY! ARE YOU ALRIGHT!?" Leela calls down.
"I'M OKAY LEELA! I LANDED ON THIS BIG JELL-O THING!"
"JELL-O!?" Leela echoes.
…
"Jell-O?" Chef askes.
He turns to Chris. The host seated with the other staff in Rodney's office, looking far less smug than he was a moment ago.
"…What?" He says hoarsely. "W-where's my piranhas?"
"They're there." Rodney insists.
He gestures to the screen. Submerged in the Jell-o are solid objects, what appears to be hard candy in the same of a very cartoonish depiction of Amazonian red bellied piranhas.
"The Jelly is gooseberry and the piranhas cranberry. I'd imagine they'd be quite delicious together. Of course, they're inevitably going to be stomped on by the contestants but should anyone want an unspoiled sample I'd be more than happy to include some in the catering algorithm."
"Oh, yes please." Peach says.
Chris seems to be coming out of his daze.
"Dude! Why are my piranhas made of candy!?"
"Did you want real ones?" Rodney asks surprised. "Oh no I'm afraid that'd be quite impossible. I have it so that nothing there's nothing made in my rooms that would intentionally seek to do lasting harm any of my guests."
"So what? I should have gone lava after all."
"Also, impossible." Rodney says academically. "The master algorithm forbids the generation of any extreme temperatures or substances or minerals that are toxic, caustic, poisonous, or otherwise lethal or uncontrollably dangerous."
"But It's Total Drama!" Chris shouts. "It's supposed to be dangerous dude! How are we going to get views if I can't torture the contestants!?"
"Why would we ever do something like that when everyone's such lovely people?" Peach asks.
Chris smacks his forehead.
…
With the threat of a very violent death gone, the rest of the contestants' breeze through their first challenge relatively easily. Fry isn't the last person to end up at the bottom of the pit. Both Wallace and Max hop down intentionally, curious to see what it's like down there.
Jack approaches Elizabeth who's still reading one of his books. He presents his backpack to her.
"I'm sorry. Do you mind holding these? I need to get my book back."
"Surely one of the others could fetch it for you?" She asks the boy. He shakes his head.
"I don't own these, I'm burrowing them. Which means I'm responsible for looking after them."
He pushes his glasses back into place and lowers his legs down into the pit somewhat hesitantly.
"Oh man…"
And he jumps down to join the other three.
The rest of the contestants make an attempt at the furniture. Meg falls as does Bruce Wayne who is surprisingly, almost suspiciously bad at the jumps. The rest cross without issue. Raggedy Ann, Katara and Olivia all doing surprising well.
There fortunately turns out to be a ladder out of the pit and up to the opposite side. Once the other competitors have crossed the boys climb it and reunited with the rest of the group.
Jack retreats his backpack from Elizabeth.
"Thank you for the help."
"I should hope whomever you burrowed them from appreciates the dedication you have to their precious books." Elizabeth says.
"They are very precious." Jack says importantly. "Morgan Le Fay takes her personal library very seriously."
"Morgan Le Fay?" Elizabeth asks with a slight laugh. "The witch from Geoffrey and Chretian's King Arthur stories?"
"She's not a witch." Jack insists, slightly offended. "She's brilliant. Me and my sister Annie, we do missions for her and Merlin in her magic tree house. It's taken us all over history looking for great people and their knowledge."
Elizabeth gives him an amused look.
"I should say you've quite the imagination, even for a boy your age."
Jack smiles back at her.
"My English teacher says the same thing. She doesn't believe me either."
Just then Chris appears, in the flesh this time.
"Contestants. Congratulations on passing your first challenge."
"Hey man, what gives? Why'd you pull a double fake out?" Miko asks.
"Just messing with you dudes. Figured we'd take it easy on you for round one."
"That was nice." Leela says.
"Yeah." Chris says. "Just don't expect us to make a habit of it. Most challenges you face in this house really are going to be brutal! …Hopefully."
He mutters the last word under his breath then turns his full attention back to the group.
"Now! Let's see who had the best time!"
There's a great stained-glass window behind him. The carefully painted glass panels begin changing shape, a figure of a saint melts and contorts until it becomes a field of cobalt blue. Upon it, in rich medieval print a score board of times appears.
"With thirty-five seconds, the fastest time was Shego!" Chris announces.
"Cool! Great! I've earned the money now right?" She asks.
"Awk! I was much faster than the obnoxious harlequin!" Vultureman squawks. "The Great and Mighty Vultureman demands answers!"
"The Great and Mighty Vultureman was disqualified for using his powers." Chris informs him.
Vultureman screeches indignantly.
"You never said we couldn't use our powers!" Guzma shouts.
"True. But I never said you could, did I?" Chris challenges.
Guzma, Vultureman and Penny Crayon erupt into a chorus of outrage. Screaming at Chris.
Alucard clears his throat and they go quiet. The vampire lowers his glasses and gives Chris a piercing look.
"Mr Mclean. As both your guest and representative of the Hellsing Organization I must respect your rules. But I was promised a fair competition and this intentional lack of guidance was most certainly not that. Should this less moral behavior ever become truly fowl than I will have no choice but to deal with you the same way I deal with the rest of the vermin. Am I clear?"
Chris stares at the vampire for a good twenty seconds before responding.
"…Totally." He says slowly.
Alucard grins.
"Perfect."
"I want him on my team." Penny says nudging Zelda. "Don't you?"
"I think I'd rather reframe." She says apprehensively.
…
The altar behind Chris has a trap door beneath it. Chris ushers them down it then leads them through what looks like the basement of a suburban house before they pass through a set of automatic doors and enter a new space. One with the hum of fluorescent lights, a tiled floor, and seven long aisles stocked with food. Peach, Rosalina, and a several toads are already there waiting for them.
"Out of curiosity how many of you have never been in a room like this?" Chris asks.
Vultureman, Raggedy, Zelda, Elizabeth, Herlock, Entrapta and Katara all raise their hands.
"I see. Well for those not in the know. This here is a supermarket, it's where we in the modern mid 20th to mid 21st century world get our food and supplies.
"Fascinating!" Entrapta gushes.
"Yeah great." Shego says. "Of all the magical places you could make in this place you choose a grocery store. Amazing imagination you people have."
"Sometimes you'll find here in the Rodney House that it's not the setting that's strange, but the context it'll be used in. For example, part two of your first challenge is another game you probably played as a kid but in a setting you were probably not allowed to play it in. Hide and seek."
"How are we suppose to find enough space to hide twenty-three grown ass people in here?" Steve asks.
"That's what's gonna make things interesting… also quick. We don't want each part of this challenge to take all day."
He turns to leave.
"Five minutes to hide houseguest. Last one found gets another advantage in the last round."
Alucard clears his throat. Chris stops dead and turns around again.
"…Also just so we're clear, you still can't use your powers."
He waltzes back out of the store. Rosalina and Peach turn around and shuts their eyes her Toads begin counting in their raspy little voices.
"One… Two…"
…
"…Two-Hundred-Ninety-Nine… Three Hundred! Yeah!"
The group turns around. The store's a mess. Boxes and cans litter the floor as it seems people have displaced them in the panic of hiding. In front of aisle four directly ahead of them is a floor display of boxes of soda that wasn't there when they closed their eyes. One of the toads walks up to it excitedly.
"Found them! Found them!"
"Very good!" Peach says, her tone that of a kindergarten teacher. "Pull them out and show me who you've found."
The toad yips excitedly and kicks away one of the boxes at the bottom of the display. It falls apart exposes a very grumpy looking Gary.
"We found you Gary." Peach says.
"Come on! My spot was good, that bastard Steve or somebody ratted me out."
"Bullshit I ratted you out!" Comes a voice from beneath the nearest cashier aisle. Peach looks and finds Steve tucked in small nook where a trash bin would normally go.
"Uh hi?"
"Found you Steve!"
Rosalina looks up, almost boredly.
"The feathered one. I see him too."
"Impossible!" Cawks Vultureman from behind the tiny display he's crouched behind.
…
They continue finding people with ease for some time. It seems that not every contestant bothered putting their all into this challenge, and those who did don't seem to have had many good options.
Max, they find right away. He's standing by the entrance door with a lampshade over his head. Where he found it, they have no idea.
Herlock they find trying to sneak around behind their backs. His line of thinking apparently being that the last place they would have looked was right behind them.
Searching the aisles yields contestants ducking behind products or wedged best they can in or under the shelves. They find Guzma, Meg, Leela and Jack and that way. Shortly after one of the toads finds Bruce Wayne after he accidently knocks over the floor display, he was crouched behind.
"Admittedly stealth has never been my strong suit." He insists.
After Bruce the discoveries die down. The two women follow behind the little toads as they pace the aisles. Double checking to make sure if they've missed anyone obvious.
Peach sighs happily.
"I think I'm enjoying being on the other side of things. Especially with so many friends by my side."
Rosalina makes a faint noncommittal noise.
"Are you enjoying yourself Rosalina?" Peach asks.
"Unfortunately, no." Rosalina says shortly.
Peach looks at her taken aback.
"Whatever do you mean?"
She looks up at Rosalina. Her friend was already taller than her but she also had a habit of floating ever so slightly off the ground. One of Rosalina's pale blue eyes gazes down at her sternly. The other as usual hidden by a sweeping bang of platinum blonde hair.
"Princess I have seen the lengths you and your special one have gone to reach each other across the cosmos. There is much strength in your heart. But still I wonder how you have to strength to remain cheerful around that so called god."
"Conner?" Peach asks. "Why of course I'm cheerful around him. I'm very pleased to see him again. He's a very kind man, and was very good to us last season."
"I believe the new host has different plans."
"Yes, I supposed that's true. Endless has ended. It's in the past, and now we have Mr McLean and his way of doing things back. But he's still a guest of Rodney's like all of us, and Rodney is a wonderfully kind squirrel, he'll make sure everyone will always be perfectly safe."
She cups her hands around one of Rosalina's hands.
"You mustn't worry Rosie. I appreciate your concern but try and enjoy yourself. You'd find you have much in common with Conner and everyone if you got to know them."
Rosalina looks thoughtful.
"Perhaps your right."
"Splendid." Peach says. She looks down a nearby aisle and gasps.
"Oh look at all the lovely baking supplies they have."
She rushes ahead. Her goddess friend watches her with a look still tinged by melancholy.
Behind her Fry slowly crawls out of one of the frozen food freezers and quietly grabs a bag of chips from the opposite shelf.
"You've been spotted." She tells him without turning.
"Dammit!"
…
Zelda and Katara as it turns out also made the unadvised decision to try and hide in the freezers. They come out on their own after a while, shivering.
After that, the little group of seekers moves on from the main floorspace. Off to the side of the aisles is a short hallway and two bathrooms, men and women. They find Wallace waiting for them in one of the stalls of the ladies' room and Alucard standing placidly in the middle of the men's room.
A flap in the back of the aisles leads to a crowded storeroom. Miko they discover under a series of crates of produce. Penny ends up being behind a pile of boxes that she seems to have drawn herself, and Elizabeth and Tenpenny are both found hiding the small managers office.
The found contestants are shooed out of the store and the ladies are their toads are left to try and find the last four hiders, Raggedy, Shego, Entrapta and Olivia.
"Where could they be?" Peach wonders aloud after twenty minutes go by without result. "We've searched the front?"
"Yup!" Squeaks one of the toads.
"…And the back room?"
"Yeah!"
"…And the aisles?"
"Uh huh."
"Oh my." Peach sighs. She laughs to herself. "You really think I'd be better at seeking after all those statue hunts in Endless. What do you say Rosalina?"
Her friend seems distracted again.
"Rosalina?"
Rosalina nods, and looks down at her with a smile. The goddess eyes had been fixed somewhere above her.
"I find that in such times, it helps to reflect upon the stars."
"What do you mean?"
Rosalina puts a single finger to her lips then extends it to the ceiling.
They wait in silence. After a moment they hear the muffled sound of shuffling from somewhere above them. Peach gasps.
"Is there anyone above us?"
"NO!" Cries a voice in the ceiling.
"Pigtail! I knew you were going get us in trouble!"
"They can't find us if they can't see us can they?"
Peach giggles and crouches down to meet one of her toads at eye level.
"Do you mind if I ask a favour of you?"
The toad nods eagerly. She lifts him gently into an air vent.
There's some more shuffling, then they her the little toad yip in excitement before there's a great deal of shouting. The foam ceiling tiles above give way and Peach's subject comes crashing down to earth, bringing with them, Entrapta, Shego and Olivia.
"Well now I suppose they can see us." Entrapta says. Shego snarls bitter.
"Great. That's what I get for letting you up there."
"Actually, hiding in the ceiling was my idea." Olivia says. Shego glares at her.
On cue Chris comes waltzing back in the front doors, the other contestants in tow.
"Nice hiding ladies, but it just quite wasn't good enough." He chuckles. "Alright Raggedy! You won!"
One of the cash registers' opens and out springs Raggedy Ann. The doll looks surprised.
"Well, gosh you mean it mister?"
"It seems your size was very favourable for that task." Rosalina notes. Raggedy looks down bashfully.
"Aw golly, I can't help that I'm a dolly."
"No you can't" Chris agrees, with a shiver of discomfort. "Now. All of you, follow me. On to part three of today's challenge."
Peach Rosalina and the toads stay put, as Chris swipes some sort of employee only door that had been locked while the contestants had been hiding. It clicks open the contestants find themselves being lead through a long commuter train being rattling down a subway tunnel. All around them empty clothing sit in the seats as if worn by invisible commuters.
"Hey it's like the Old New York subway!" Fry says brightly looking around while munching on the bag of chips he had swiped earlier. "'Been a thousand years since I've been on one of these."
"Must have been difficult to manage back then." Leela says. "Pneumatic tubes transport is so much easier."
"What favour chips are those?" Wallace asks.
Fry shovels a handful of them in his mouth and screws up his face in confusion.
"Don't know. It's like some kind of weird messed up space flavour."
"Bum me one."
Fry hands one to Wallace and he pops it in his mouth.
"I'm tasting… Paprika and cinnamon."
"What's it say on the bag?" Miko asks.
Wallace looks.
"Paprika and cinnamon."
Miko grabs herself a handful.
"Not bad."
"So far both parts of this challenge have been delicious." Fry says happily. "If things stay this way this game's gonna be great!"
"I hear you man. I'm kind of starting to vibe with this place." Miko says. "It's like one of those puzzle platformer battle-royale games but with procedurally generated maps."
"Is that what the kids are playing these days?" Wallace asks.
A set of very normal household stairs leads out of the train and up into another unusual room. There's no furniture present. Rather, the space was taken up with block-coloured shapes and platforms of every size, all covered in soft padding. Dozens of platforms and unorthodox paths spiral upwards over them, some of them leading into tunnels that lead to other, connected parts of the area currently hidden from view. It looked like a grand scale parkour gym.
"So." Chris begins. "Most of you have probably figured out by now that the theme of your first challenge has been playground games, and if you haven't clued in yet, congratulations, you're officially one of the contestants I accepted onto the show as a joke.
Now can I get Raggedy Ann and Shego to step forward?"
They do so.
"Contestants, first two rounds were about facing off against the environment or the interns. This final round however for the first time you'll be doing something your gonna do a lot of in this game, directly facing off against each other."
"We're playing dodgeball, aren't we?" Wallace asks.
"No team sports just yet." Chris says with a wink.
"Is it tag?" Jack guess.
"Close." Chris says. "Your final game is a variation of tag called manhunt."
"Well shit. I know a thing or two about that one." Tenpenny jokes.
"Rules are almost exactly the same as tag." Chris explains. "One player or in this case two…" He nods his head to the winners of the previous rounds. "…. start as It and have to tag other players, in Manhunt however once you're it you stay it for the rest of the game, until there's just one player left. As you can imagine mid game get's kind of confusing so theirs some helpful hand gestures to go along with the game. You do this…"
He swipes both hands horizontally across his chest.
"…if you're not it. And this…"
He makes a vertical chopping motion with both hands.
"…if you are."
He folds his hands back behind his back.
"Now here's where things are about to get interesting. Shego, and Raggedy will be it. They have half an hour to tag all twenty other contestants. After that we'll have our first elimination ceremony. If the original hunters manage to tag everyone, they'll win immunity, and two of them will get another special reward. If they fail, they'll be the only ones not immune tonight. Meaning they have a one in three chance of going home right now."
"Gosh." Raggedy says.
"You wanna run that by me one more time Mclean?" Shego asks angrily. "Because it sounds like I'm being punished for doing well."
"Trust me Shego, in manhunt the tagger is always at the advantage. Especially as you get more and more people helping track their former allies."
"Why would I do that?" Tenpenny asks. "What's say, stopping me once tagged from sitting on my ass and refusing to help destroy my chance at immunity?"
"Remember anywhere in the house we have eyes on you." Chris warns him. "You refuse to play this last round, I'll count that as a disqualification from the challenge. Meaning you forfeit any chance immunity regardless of who wins. Got that officer?"
Tenpenny considers this then folds his arms and nods.
"Fair enough."
"I'm not getting stuck with the doll!" Shego snaps.
"Aw, come on, I'm sure we'll be fast friends." Raggedy insists.
"I don't care about friends! I care about not losing!"
"Playing games isn't about winning or losing silly. It's about having fun." The doll giggles.
Shego slaps her forehead miserably.
"Let's just get this over with."
"I'll give you a peace offering Shego, just because you're humouring me." Chris chuckles. "I'll let you pick one person to sit out this last game. But choice carefully. That person's going to be immune tonight no matter what happens."
Shego silently judges her fellow contestants for a moment or two.
"The vampire." She decides on.
"Excellent choice." Grins the Alucard. "None of you would have stood a chance against me."
"You have thirty minutes." Chris reminds her.
"Yeah I got that part!" Shego snarls.
"…and…"
"Yeah, Yeah! No powers whatever!"
"Runners get a minute head start! Good luck!" Chris says.
And with that he and Alucard walk over to the nearest wall. It slides open and they walk through and disappear.
Raggedy turns around and covers her eyes.
"One…two…three…"
"You're gonna want to run." Shego tells the others.
They do so.
…
By a minute's gone by the cast has scattered. Their play area's big enough that some of the them have lost sight of each other.
Fry's sprinting blindly when he runs into someone's back.
"Aha!" They cry.
It's Herlock. The detective spins around and raises his fists.
"Though you could catch the great Herlock Sholmes off his guard sir? Unlikely! If it's a fight you want they we shall duel like proper gentlemen."
"Detective! Sorry! Are you it?"
"Whose asking?"
"Wait."
Fry swipes his hands across his chest.
"Ah I see." Herlock says approvingly. He repeats the gesture. Fry relaxes.
"Oh good. Now quickly, we should team up. We'll last longer that way."
"Absolutely not." Herlock says.
"Why not?" Fry asks dejected.
"Frist rule of detecting! Trust no one, not even yourself."
They hear approaching footsteps.
"I was never here!" Herlock declares. He dashes away.
"Wait!" Fry says.
The footsteps grow louder, until Leela rounds the corner. Fry perks up.
"Leela!"
"Oh it's just you." She says relived. "Have you been tagged yet?"
"No! Have you?"
"No."
She turns to leave.
"Wait!" Fry says. "Where are you going?"
"It's better to keep moving."
"But aren't we going to team up?"
Leela winces. "You mean the whole challenge?"
"Yeah why?" Fry asks frowning.
Leela looks awkward. "Remember when all those tentacles from another dimension invaded? How I was the only one in the universe to avoid being infected." She gives him a look. "…And you were the first one hooked?"
"Leela if this is about our relationship, I promised you I've moved on from Yivo. I don't even think about shkler anymore."
"What? No!" Leela says, flustered. "Look Fry. Don't take this personally but I don't want you holding me back this game."
"I don't." Fry insists. "We're a team."
"An unequal team."
Fry looks wounded but quickly rallies himself.
"Alright I get it. But give me one chance to prove myself before you make up your mind."
"I already know what you're like back at work."
"Please Leela? If we team up this round and don't win I'll pretend like I don't even know you for the rest of the season. Whatever makes you happy."
Leela smiles softly. "Well… that wouldn't make be happy either."
She brushes his hair aside and kisses him on the forehead.
"One round. Got it? If you mess this up for us we'll just have to talk about it later."
"That's all I ask." Fry says.
…
On another part of the map Shego's doubled over in exhaustion. She'd been chasing Entrapta for some time but the young scientist was proving evasive.
"Hi there. Are you having fun yet?"
She looks over to see Raggedy waving at her. Shego growls.
"Why are you just standing around!?"
"Oh I'm not I'm chasing Penny up there." Raggedy says pointing.
She points up to one of the platforms where Penny's waving down at them cheerfully
"Hi! Hello! How are you?"
Raggedy giggles.
"She's a lot bigger and faster than I am but I've been having tremendous fun playing with her the last ten minutes."
"You've been wasting a third of our time on one contestant!?" Shego shouts. Raggedy nods.
"Yes, but she's quite good at this game, I'd take a lot to-"
Shego springs up the platforms like an acrobat, then vaults back to the ground. Penny Crayon in her arms.
"…catch her. Golly." Raggedy says.
"That wasn't very sportsman like of you was it?" Penny says crossly.
"Shut up and start tagging people." Shego snaps.
"Not a nice way to put it but very well then. You're the boss I suppose."
Penny laughs and runs off. Shego grabs Raggedy.
"Apparently you're useless alone so you're sticking with me."
"Oh wonderful. We'll be sure to become best of friends now!"
Shego groans.
…
Back in Rodney's study the staff watch quietly as Shego, Raggedy and the contestants she's converted tear through a crowd of their fellow competitors like a band of rabid foxes trapped in a henhouse.
"Well Mclean I must hand it to you, you have quite the erm… spirited show." Rodney compliments.
"It'll only get crazier." Chris assures them. He clears his throat. "Assuming you people quit trying to hold me back."
"Don't look at me I'm the one saying we should have given Shego less time." Conner insists.
"Anyone spot any slouchers yet?" Daisy asks keenly. "I really want to disqualified someone."
"Daisy!" Peach scolds.
"What?" Her friend asks. "Can't a girl enjoy having power for once? I never get to do anything back in Sarasaland."
Chef squints. "Ms Bennet is technically playing, but she ain't exactly applying her self. Same with Batsy."
Chris shakes his head. "Dang old Batsy dude. Never thought I'd say it but I'm starting to get disappointed."
"Maybe you should have signed up Batman instead of Bruce Wayne then." Conner says causally.
…
Bruce Wayne and Elizabeth causally stroll about, watching the chaos from a distance. Both of them had done little to avoid being tagged and now they're doing little to tag anyone else.
"I think both of us we'll be in trouble if we don't tag someone soon." Bruce says reluctantly.
"I suppose your right." Elizabeth muses. "Yet the being in the midst of your ceremonies seems quite disagreeable." She pulls at her gown. "At least they are while I'm still in my evening best."
Bruce chuckles softly.
"If I'd known what kind of competition this was, I'd have worn something different as well. You'd be forgiven if takes a while for you to stop feeling out of place here."
"That's putting it rather softly." Elizabeth says. "Truthfully I find most of the formalities of my time excessive and still I'm put off by the bluntness of your world."
"This isn't my world." Bruce says. "Actually, my world would be closer to yours."
"Is that so?"
"Life in the upper class never changes really. Even if it did back in Gotham the only real source of innovation is crime."
He gives her a smile.
"If I could offer some advice, I'd recommend trying to take advantage of the situation. Let loose a little. Enjoy yourself for once. It's not like anyone from your home will be watching."
Elizabeth returns his look with a beleaguered smile.
"Easier said than done." She admits. "I've nineteen years of preconditioning to make amends for, and even if I were to forget them tomorrow, I've doubt I would miraculously gain the same need to be engaged in my surrounding as some of my sisters."
Bruce shrugs. "You never know until you've tried. You might end up surprising yourself."
"HEY!"
Their attention turns to Guzma, who's just come running.
"What are you two doing standing around?"
"Just brainstorming." Bruce says.
"We don't need you wasting your time with that." Guzma points at a latter behind him. "The kid with the backpack saw one of those professor type ladies head up there! Now get moving before you're disqualified!"
"Yes sir." Bruce says. He gives Elizabeth one a parting smile.
"I'll handle this. Nice speaking to you Miss Bennet."
"Likewise."
And with that Guzma and Bruce start up the ladder. Bruce once again seemingly struggling with the physical aspect of the challenge. Elizabeth smiles to herself as he wipes his brow and removes his suit jacket. Then her smile disappears, and there's a reassessment in her mind that will stay with her for some time.
Without his bulky jacket she can get a better picture for Bruce's figure through his yellow shirt, it's not the figure of a man who should be as unfit as he's been acting. Quite the contrary.
At once the truth becomes apparent to the young Miss Bennet.
Bruce Wayne was hiding something.
…
Shego's barreling through the course with Raggedy Ann perched on her shoulder when they nearly run into Wallace and Max.
"Well, it if isn't the newest star of my deprived fantasies." Max says. "…And also, a child's play thing. Strange mix."
"Can it." Shego says. "Whe-"
"Slow down." Wallace interjects. "First things first."
He and Max make the chopping motion.
"I know. I tagged you two remember?" Shego says impatiently. "Now-"
"Make the motion too." Wallace says.
"You already know we're it!"
"We got a system here lady so chop chop." Max says.
Shego groans in exasperation.
"It's like talking to a room full of Drakan."
She and Raggedy make the same gesture.
"We are running down the clock here so you two better tell me you've been busy." She says.
"Course we've been busy." Max says. "Me and my temporary partner have been doing the rounds, gathering priceless intel."
"According to the gossip on the ground it's just Gamer Girl, the cyclops and pigtails that haven't been tagged yet." Wallace tells them.
They're a great deal of noise and what sounds like a war cry from Meg Griffin before Entrapta calls.
"Ah! Never mind! She got me!"
"That leaves three people." Wallace says.
"With just five minutes." Raggedy says. She giggles cheerfully. "Oh this is going to be a tricky one."
"Not helping!" Shego snaps.
…
The entire course the contestants had been placed in was largely split into four chambers, of which platforms and tubes and all sorts of things to jump around and scurry through connect them. However the walls separating each part of the map didn't run the entire way to the ceiling, and there was a few structures and overhangs where one could look down on most of the space at once. For the past fifteen minutes Fry and Leela have been doing exactly that. Siting on the top of a large jungle gym-esqe tower and watching the chaos below.
"Anyone see us?" She asks.
"No. They're distracted with that girl." Fry says, watching below as about a dozen contestants go running through the maze after Miko like a wolf pack on a young caribou. "Hiding up here was a great idea."
"I figured if hiding in the ceiling worked out for the others then this time we ought to give a try."
Fry seems to be only half listening. He's leaning over the ledge watching the pandemonium below.
"They got her!" He cries.
"Fry not so loud!" Leela scowls.
"Sorry…" He says ruefully. He looks again. "Aw crud, someone's looking… Now there gesturing at me."
"Well don't gesture back."
"I have too."
He makes a chopping motion. Leela recoils.
"Fry you're it?"
"What? No! This is the sign for not It."
"It's the other one Fry."
"Crud! I got them mixed up! No wonder people haven't been paying attention to us. I've been giving them the wrong sign the whole time we've been up here."
"Well don't stop now."
Fry hasn't heard her. He's already leaning over the edge and cried.
"Up here! I messed up!"
He makes the swiping motion, then watches.
"Oh yeah. That got their attention."
In spite of herself Leela looks as well and sees the others converging on them.
"Fry…" Leela moans.
Down below Shego points up at the couple.
"GET MOVING PEOPLE! We got one minute left."
"No chance someone's making it time." Steve says.
"Then out of my way!"
She starts bounding on the tower.
"What do we do?" Fry asks.
"Shut up and try not to be heavy." Leela says.
She scoops him up and runs towards the ledge.
"Wait! Leela! I don't know about THIS!"
Leela leaps. Barely catching an overhang with her free hand. She swings her body and using its momentum throws Fry onto another platform further out. She rocks back and forth with as much force as she can. There's a metallic grown from where the platform connects to the ceiling. She swings one last time and jumps just as it gives way and crashes to the ground. She lands safely on the other platform with Fry just as Shego reaches the top of the tower they had been hiding on.
The villainess sets eyes on them, on what Leela had done to evade her, then growls again in frustration.
"Okay! Uncool move alright!? Seriously uncool move!"
"Come over here and tell us that to our faces." Leela challenges.
"Watch me!" Shego says.
She leaps off the tower and comes just short of them, landing in a roll on the top of the wall segment below.
"THIRTY SECONDS SHEGO!" Chris booms over an intercom.
"Throw me at them." Raggedy urges.
"I don't need your advice right now short stuff!" Shego warns the dolls.
"Oh come on. I'm used to being bounced around."
"No!"
"You'll never make it on your own." The doll pleads innocently, Shego gives her a very dangerous look.
"What was that?"
"I didn't mean it like that."
"You guys didn't forget about us did you?" Fry asks, sincerely.
Shego's patience seems to break. She screams and hurls a ball of energy up at him. A moment later she realises her mistake.
"Ah, great."
"And just ten seconds from the end of the round, Shego's disqualified for using her powers. Which… according to the rule I've just now made up to save time… means that the original taggers lose!"
Cheers erupt from below.
"Ah well. At least we had a lot of fun didn't we Shego?" Raggedy Ann asks. Shego gives the doll an exasperated look.
"Is too late to throw you?"
…
Fry and Leela are rescued from the ceiling and the group reconvenes, Shego looking sullen. Conner and Chris rejoin them and they're lead through another doorway. This one leads to an empty field glowing with fireflies. The sky above them filled with thousands of stars.
"Straight ahead." Chris says, pointing them to another wooden door standing conspicuously a hundred metres ahead of them.
"Thank goodness we get to send home Shego." Katara says. Tenpenny casts a look of mild interest at her.
"That who your voting for?"
"Well yeah…she's obviously bad news. I've already dealt with people like that back home. I'd be a lot happier not to put up with one on my team."
"She'd be more useful than a little dolly." He says.
"She'd be more a threat too." Leela argues.
"I'd think we'd do a lot better without that kind of person around." Bruce agrees.
"Yeah, she might be trouble if she makes it past the merge." Tenpenny admits. "But let's put it this way, were about to form teams after this vote. What happens if the other team gets Dracula, that big ass bird thing, and maybe the crayon girl, and you ain't got one on your team superpowers because Shego's gone? How do you think the challenges are gonna go?"
"I don't think they'd make the teams that unbalanced." Bruce says.
Tenpenny shrugs causally.
"Only thinking out loud here. You're welcome to disagree Wayne. Just…Consider what I said food for thought.
…
The door on the opposite end of the field leads to another sitting room like the one they had originally been shown too, but more spacious and modern in décor with a high ceiling and red wallpaper.
Twenty-three chairs are arranged in a U shape, in each of which a contestant is seated. Behind them there's a roaring fireplace.
On the other side of the room is the wall is filled with twenty-three hand painted portraits of the contestants each with a light illuminating it. Beneath them there's an unamusing door with a glowing 'EXIT' sign.
Chris, Conner and Rodney stand before it.
"Parting is such sweet sorrow." Rodney says. "I would be more than contented to have each of stay here in my humble adobe for a long while. Alas… the rules say that for some of you, this must be a short visit."
"Welcome to the eviction lounge." Chris says. "If you play this game right you'll be seeing this place as little as possible. This is not a room of honour, it's a place to seriously be avoided dude, and try as hard as you might, for all but one of you, your chances at a five million dollars will end here. But for now most of you are safe so enjoy the cozy atmosphere while you can."
"It a little big for my taste but I like the décor." Wallace says. "Nicely done."
"Thank you." Rodney says.
"Back at Camp Wawanakwa and all it's many derivatives I made a habit of giving every safe camper a marshmallow as a reward for surviving another round of the game. Sometimes in some of the more out there seasons we'd mix up the treats and give out chocolates or peanuts instead. Conner of course being a weaker host than me used to give out nothing."
"I gave them marshmallows once!"
"Fortunately for you guys this season we've got something more befitting an extended stay at home than campfire marshmallows. Home baked chocolate cookies!"
The two princesses emerge with trays of baked goods. They go about handing them out to the enthusiastic houseguest until all but Shego and Raggedy have been given one.
When they're trays are all but empty they go to stand by the hosts. Peach hands the one leftover to Chris who holds it up.
"Only one safety cookie left. Shego. Raggedy Ann. You two were the only ones on the ballot today. One you's about to be the kicked out before we even decide teams. That must feel rough."
"Just make this quick." Shego says looking bored. "Maybe if I get back home early I can go punch Kim Possible off a skyscraper or something to make myself feel better."
"When I call your name, you will stand and walk out the Backdoor of Shame, and you will leave the Rodney House. And you can't come back eh-ver."
"Well perhaps for a causally visit." Rodney says.
Chris squares his vision on Raggedy and Shego.
"First out of Total Drama Homespun is…
…
…
…
…
…
"Raggedy Ann!"
Shego looks mildly surprised. "Huh."
"Oh dear… I was hoping it wasn't me." Raggedy sighs.
She stands and turns to the others, quickly recovering.
"Well… even if was just for a while, it was very nice to make your acquaintance everyone. Maybe someday we'll all get to play together again."
She curtseys, then bows, then with a final wave and smile, she leaves. The moment she does the light on her portrait goes out.
"I feel somewhat bad haven't done that." Zelda admits. Sitting next to her Meg shrugs.
"I just feel bad all the time. Like non-stop."
"Then let's bring on some good news." Chris says. "So remember that special reward? Originally if the runners won I was gonna leave it up to a vote. However, since they were the last two people untagged, I've decided to award Fry and Leela…"
"Yes!" Shouts Fry.
"…The prestigious honour of competing against one another as our new team captains!" Chris finishes with a smirk.
Fry falls to his knees.
"NOOOOooooooo!"
Chris laughs. "You two have tonight to think things over. "Until then, I'll show you where you're sleeping tonight."
Chef emerges from a hidden door in the wall and ushers everyone inside. The staff and contestants slowly trickle of the room. Shego linger towards the back of the crowd.
Suddenly someone grabs her shoulder.
"You're welcome by the way."
She spins around.
It's Tenpenny.
"For what?" She asks frowning at him.
"For saving your sorry ass just now with some well-placed PR." He says.
"What? That was you?"
She's still giving him an unfriendly look.
"Why?"
"Just a friendly gesture. Looking out for my fellow man and all that shit. I'm a real nice guy." He insists. His upper lip curls. "You should be grateful I'm so generous. If I wasn't one might just say that you're indebted to me now."
Shego folds her arms disinterestedly.
"Alright enough with the ego stroking. Let me guess? You want a henchwoman to do your evil bidding? I get that right?"
Tenpenny recoils with mock offense.
"Hold up now. Who said anything about evil? I just like to be pragmatic, nothing immoral implied."
"Uh huh. Sure? So what do I do and who do I do it to?"
Tenpenny chuckles. "Easy there woman. All I'm saying is sometime in the next couple days… you and I our gonna have ourselves a talk."
…
The contestants stand there. Most of them were their jaws hanging open.
They've been lead into a grand foyer, decorated similarly to Rodney's Study. All about them, balconies, and books and columns.
Down separate wings they see doors leading to all sorts of amenities. Upstairs there's rows upon rows of private bedrooms.
"This is where we're staying!?" Meg gapes faintly.
"My personal wing of the house," Rodney explains. "Recently explained for you and your hosts benefit. I so hope it's to your liking,"
"This is one of the most magnificent spaces I've ever laid eyes on." Zelda says awestruck, her eyes dancing with excitement at the rows upon rows of books. Rodney smiles warmly.
"Thank you my dear. It's for you to enjoy."
"Oh yeah. Totally." Chris says lightly. He coughs. "For now…"
"What was that?" Katara asks.
"Just clearing my throat." He assures them. "Now what are you people standing around for? Go enjoy yourselves."
They contestants disperse scarcely believing their luck. Chris laughs and turns to the audience.
"And so begins a new seasons. I just love the feeling don't you?
Sure. We didn't start off with a bang this time. No falling hundreds of metres onto dangerous sea life, but only because that idea got shot down by the party poopers. Don't worry though, they won't be getting away with that again!"
He chuckles sinisterly.
"I've got a whole lot of fun planned for these guys. So join us next time, when we see which of these losers Fry and Leela pick to be teammates. There's in for some tough picks good and bad. Not to mention the stress of competing against one another. But at least now that we're down to twenty-two guests, things we'll be even."
"That reminds me…" Max says walking up behind Chris. "Now that we've got a place to stay, I can finally unpack."
He lays his briefcase on a couch and flips it open, then sticks his arm shoulder deep into the nearly flat piece of luggage.
"I know my little good luck charm's in here somewhere. Ah! There it is!"
He tugs hard and out of the suitcase pops out the head of a dog wearing a fedora.
"Economy class sure isn't what it used to be." He says gruffly.
"I'll say." Max agrees. "Need a hand there?"
"I think I can manage."
The head squirms then an arm emerges, then another, then a torso until slowly an entire dog in a forties style grey suit pulls himself out of the luggage. He stands there looking around curiously. He's at least twice the size of Max.
"Thanks for the lift there partner."
"Anytime. Just don't ask me to do it again. Lugging all that weight around was murder on my shoulders."
Chris stares flabbergasted at the pair of them. He opens his mouth to speak but all that emerges is a resolute.
"…Huh?"
"Right where are my manners?" Max says. He gestures to his friend. "This is Sam. We go everywhere together."
Chris lets out a tiny noise of incomprehension.
…
Back in Rodney's study. Conner watches the scene unfold on the display before him. Laughing heartly to himself. He turns to the audience.
"Well everyone that's our show for tonight. As a quick refresher, Chris is an idiot who doesn't know what he's gotten himself into, and If he thinks he can wrestle control of this show out of my hands he's got another think coming. Also very bold of him to assume he can get the last word in when I'm the one that controls the cameras, and can hear and see every plot relevant thing he says or does.
He laughs again.
"Mclean can call himself the head honcho all he wants, but you and I know different. Soon enough he'll figure out which of us wears the dress around here. Pun very much intended.
But I digress! A new season has began ladies and gentlemen! And I guarantee you the contestants won't be the first ones to develop cabin fever. Until next time America! This is Conner O'Gleeson signing off for Total! Drama! Homespun!"