TPASD 33

Alex had needed a moment to himself to self-regulate his emotions. There had been an underlying feeling gnawing at his chest all morning. He could not identify what it was he was feeling and no matter what he did, he didn't seem to be able to escape it. He had woken, naked and satiated, in the Californian king bed he shared with Henry. They had fallen into bed after showering and cleaning up from their love making in the spare room, the night before. They were exhausted. Somehow that small truth had given way for a second round in which Henry and Alex exchanged blowjobs.

Waking with the sun and the birds, before groaning in the stillness of the morning, Alex had decided to wake Henry with another round of oral sex. Alex felt like the floodgates had been opened and he couldn't get enough.

That had led the way to a round of shower sex before Gabriella had woken. She had not long gone down for her nap and Alex was exhausted. He had refused Henry's offer to take refuge and stay in bed, resting too.

Miguel was his problem, he wanted to be the one to take care of it. He shouldn't have to rely on everyone else to help him. Even if they were his loved ones. His nearest and dearest.

Swimming had been a great stress relief for that moment in time. After a long play with Henry and Gabriella, he had encouraged Alex to go and swim some laps in the lap pool. He wanted Alex to work off some of that nervous energy that had been radiating off Alex in waves before his energy infected everyone else in their group. Especially their littlest member.

The laps had helped, but he was feeling more tired than usual, and he had felt like he was beginning to calm himself back to his usual level of chaos. Where Alex's chaos was before Prince Henry ever heard of Miguel Ramos.

As soon as Gabriella was asleep, her little eyes closed and fluttering underneath the pull of sleep, Alex took himself off to the bathroom to give himself a moment. Alex didn't want or need Henry to see him spiraling. To see his anxieties get the better of him.

He was used to being snapped at it to get his shit together. It was something that Erica had drilled into him shortly after they arrived in London for school. 'You're a grown man, grow some balls and act like it.' Her voice comes back to him at that moment. Haunting him. Taunting him.

'You're lucky you're a pretty crier, Alex. It's not the end of the world that you're not perfect. But maybe next time, you could try not to embarrass me by thinking you know everything.' That time had been after a work function, he had accompanied her to and one of her colleagues had been explaining his theories about bisexuality being a cover for being gay. Naturally Alex had argued the point with the ill-informed colleague. But Erica had been embarrassed and forced him to apologise when she had explained, he was the boss she was trying to impress enough to get a promotion.

'You know that I love you, it's that you're too much. Sometimes.' Alex knew that hurt. It was old, familiar and it fit like a glove. Liam had said it to him, in a jocular manner after a particularly hard championship game in which they had won by the skin of their teeth.

Erica used to tell him that too. She knew it was a fear of his and she would use it against him when they would argue like it was his kryptonite. A secret weapon forged in the depths of hell, purpose built to use against every single one of his defence mechanisms. Everyone he had ever loved had used it against him. His parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends. Even June and Nora had said it a time or two.

It was only a matter of time before Henry discovered it and began to use it against him too.

He didn't know how much time had passed, all he knew was that his daughter was finally asleep, and he had been spiraling on the floor of the bathroom since. Opening his eyes and seeing Henry crouched down in front of him was almost as alarming as having lost track of time.

"May I touch you, love?" Henry asked, leaning forwards from a crouch onto his knees, his legs tucked in behind him.

Henry reached out but didn't touch him. He was waiting for Alex's consent. His upset and his worries written on his face. His tears had streaked his face, and the tear streaks were very obvious to Henry. Alex couldn't verbalise what he needed. He did manage a nod to Henry to consent, but Henry wasn't having any of it.

"Words, darling." Henry murmured, reminding his boyfriend that he was respectful, and he wanted verbal consent. Especially while Alex was in this vulnerable state.

"Ye.. Yeah, ok." Alex managed out, surprising himself that he had only stammered once instead of the thirty-four stammers he had done in his head.

"Good boy." Alex usually loved praise, especially from Henry's lips. But not at that moment. Henry reached up and gently massaged the nape of Alex's neck.

He tensed under Henry's touch. "STOP!" Alex's voice sounded nothing like him and horror flashed before both of their eyes.

"That's it, Alex." Miguel's voice was shaky. His hand was resting on the nape of Alex's neck. Alex's face was forcibly being held against Miguel's hairy thigh. The leg hair tickling his prickly skin with beads of sweat pouring off Alex's skin. "Next, you're going to wrap your tongue around the tip. Then move upwards and tongue the slit, before swallowing me down."

"Ah, I'm not -" Alex was cut off by Miguel's hand on the nape of his neck forcing Alex's mouth downwards onto his dick, as he thrusted up into Alex's mouth.

"That's it Alex, take it." Miguel's voice was breathless. "Good boy." Miguel's hand squeezed the nape of his neck, and he pushed Alex's head deeper down his shaft.

Alex gagged. His eyes were watering as tears formed. He felt like he was choking as Miguel's moans filled the air above him. He felt like he was choking. That he couldn't breathe.

He was going to die.

Henry pulled back instantly. Alex was tense under his touch. He had scooted a good four feet from Henry in a microsecond and that alarmed the prince. Henry noted that Alex's pupils were black and wide. So wide that the honey brown that Henry had grown to love was gone. His eyes were glassy. He looked feral. Like he was trapped.

"Alex?" Henry whispered to him when he finally managed to make eye contact with Alex. Henry didn't dare make a move.

Alex was like a wild stallion and Henry felt like he had been sent into the corral alone with him. His sole job is to break Alex down.

"I'm ok." Alex murmured. But his eyes didn't regulate back to what they normally were.

"You're not ok." Henry muttered. "Right now, you're as far from ok as possible. And that's ok, Alex. I promise it's ok."

"I'm ..."

"If you say you're ok, I am going to scream." Henry sighed, exasperated. "You're not ok, nor should you be. Alex, you look dreadful. You look like you've just had one hell of a flashback. You're sweaty all over, you're shaking, and you look like you've run a marathon. I am really worried about you."

"My heart is racing." Alex added in a whispered rush through panting breaths.

"Just breathe, darling." Henry murmured.

When Alex woke up, the afternoon sun was streaming in and Henry was beside him. Through a yawn, Alex felt the exhaustion settle in him, making his body feel weighted. "Where's Gab-?"

"With your mom, June and Nora. You needed the rest." Henry replied, marking the page of his book and closing it. Resting the book on the nightstand, Henry turned to Alex and focused all of his attention on him. "Do you think you feel like you can share what happened earlier? In the bathroom?"

"When I think back on that night." Alex replied after a beat or two. "I can't remember anything between following Miguel into his hotel room and waking up on my own the following morning."

Henry nodded along; he had already heard this from Alex twice before. Once when he told Henry about the attack, and again when Alex confided in his family, and told them.

"I remembered something else." Alex sobbed and Henry opened his arms in an offer of comfort. He hoped Alex would take comfort in him, but promised his heart not to be disappointed if he didn't. "It's been a long time since something like this has happened, and I get a nugget of information."

"Was it me?" Henry asked, unsure of himself. He would hate to think that he had made Alex so uncomfortable that it had triggered a memory from when he was sexually abused.

Alex didn't want to lie. But he didn't want to tell the truth either. It hadn't just been Henry. "It was a culmination of a lot of things." He settled on.

"But it was me, right?"

Damn Henry for being able to read him so well. "Not you, perse." Alex explained slowly. He did not want to fight with Henry. he didn't want to upset Henry. Everything right now, in this moment, was hanging in a delicate balance. He didn't want to tip the scales in either direction. It was a vulnerable position, Alex found himself in. "It was more the firm pressure in the back of my neck."

"So, it was me." Henry lamented, feeling like he was evil for inducing Alex's subconscious into remembering this trauma.

"No, baby, no!" Alex denied, but it just made Henry feel worse.

"Alex, -"

"Get me my laptop please, Hen, and meet me at the table." Alex requested, Henry shooting him a final look. The trepidation hung in the air. It fizzled, crackled. Something like a snap, crackle and pop from that cereal commercial in the nineties.

Alex took a moment to mentally steel himself. He gave himself a pep talk. He could do this.

This was the final piece of the puzzle. Once he showed Henry this, he would run. Erica had fled from him. Retreating physically and emotionally. She had used some excuse of work, one Alex had believed at the time, but now knows was a cover for the affair she was having with her boss.

He just hoped Henry didn't run too.

Joining Henry at the kitchen table, Alex's composure faltered momentarily.

He just hoped Henry still loved him when he saw what Alex was going to show him.

"Alex, relax my love." Henry murmured. He could see how tense Alex was, as he opened his laptop up and started going through a series of security protocols. "No matter what, I'm going to stick by you."

Alex angled his laptop screen towards Henry as soon as he was into his cloud server. "This is all the evidence Liam's mom's friend helped me gather."

Henry tried not to flinch seeing the photographs of the bruises on Alex's body. For some of the injuries, Alex was holding a ruler or measuring tape to show the sizes of the bruises. The photos that were taken were worse than Henry was expecting. He held himself upright, firm and strong. He couldn't let himself show Alex weakness. Not now. Not while he was like this, emotionally vulnerable. "Ok." Henry acquiesced. Feeling brave, he asked Alex to enlarge one of the images. It looked fairly tame. It looked like his stomach was able to handle it.

"That's the nape of my neck." Alex whispered.

The bruise had a ruler against it showing the size of the bruise to be just under three inches in diameter at the widest part.

Alex flicked to another photo. There were four smaller bruises in a consistent pattern and Henry wasn't sure, but in his gut, he felt like they were the bruises Miguel's fingertips had left on his boyfriend's neck.

"What else do you have besides the photos?" Henry finally asked, looking Alex over for signs.

"A DNA profile." Alex kept his voice low. Almost afraid to shatter and fall apart again." Sh.. .she found dried semen on the back of my legs and on my thighs."

Alex cracked and if Henry had blinked, he would have missed it. Henry closed the lid of the laptop and pulled his boyfriend closer to him. "You're safe now, Alex."

"Hen?" Alex whimpered, and Henry looked down to Alex where he was holding him close to him. "He didn't penetrate me with any part of him. She thought he used … things on me."

"Like a plug or dildo?" Henry asked, not quite ready to vocalise the relief he felt in his stomach.

"Not sure, but he didn't use any lube or prep me. That's why I had tearing and bleeding."

That was all it took. Alex's floodgates were open, and his tears were falling hot and fast.

Henry held him closer, pulling Alex into his lap. He was murmuring soft and low into Alex's ear, but Alex could barely decipher Henry's words through his sobs. His body was shaking, and Henry was trying his best to ease Alex's hurt and comfort him the best way he knew how.

Henry would do anything he possibly could to take Alex's hurt and pain away.

Alex was finally asleep, but not before Henry had begged Alex for June's number and June had given him another one of her all-natural sedatives. She had held him and comforted him the best way she knew how. June on his front, holding her brother, as he let himself cry, while Henry held him from behind and comforted him the best way she knew how.

Once Alex had been asleep for a little while, June slipped out from underneath him, as did Henry. Henry offered to make her a cup of tea, but she declined. She was eager to get back to Nora. Gabriella was still with Ellen and Leo and would be getting dropped off soon.

Literally, just as June was leaving the apartment, Ellen and Leo were coming up the hallway with a sleepy Gabriella and a nappy bag on Leo's shoulder. Which looked really out of place, but somehow secretly amused the prince.

Henry held the door open and allowed them to enter. Gabriella was happy to see Henry and full of sleepy smiles. "How is he doin', darlin'?" Ellen asked Henry, as soon as the door was closed behind them.

"He's sleeping." Henry replied, taking Gabriella from her Nana and ... well, he wasn't quite sure what Alex referred to Leo as, in terms of a grandparent name. "It took a lot out of him."

"My poor baby hasn't had an anxiety attack like that in a long time." Ellen stated.

She gave Henry some space as he started preparing the bottle for Gabriella to have before bed and started changing her into her sleepsuit. She had to admit that despite Leo, June, Nora and Oscar's warnings, Henry was actually good for Alex. Henry could calm and tame Alex in a way that she wasn't even sure Erica ever could. At the same time, he understood Alex more than anyone else Alex had ever been with before and for that, she could not fault the prince. He loved and adored Gabriella and it was clear to Ellen that the feeling was mutual too.

Leo was watching his wife watch Henry. He secretly hoped that his extremely stubborn and tenacious wife had taken what they had all told her on board about the prince and was giving him a chance instead of judging him too harshly.

Henry could feel Alex's mother's eyes lingering on him, watching his every move, as he prepared Gabriella for sleep. "Did I do something wrong?" Henry asked, suddenly doubting everything he had already learnt from Alex in regard to how to care for his daughter.

"God, no." Ellen blushed, immediately feeling guilty. "Sorry Sugar, I was just marveling to myself how good you are with her. Your family must be really hands on when it comes to raising kids."

Henry scoffed, letting out a little chuckle. "My mum is wonderful, but we had nannies growing up. She adores Gabriella though." Henry smiled. It was his publicity smile, not one of his wide, gummy smiles that he shared with Alex or Gabriella. "My father was wonderful. Very involved and hands on, when he was home. My brother, lord, he has two boys and is completely clueless. My sister-in-law is much more hands on, but they do have a team of nannies. My sister Bea, she doesn't have any children of her own and I do not think she will. She does not like children and is very candid about that. Although, our little one here has managed to get under Bea's skin a bit. Bea almost looked like she wanted to hold her the last time we saw her."

"But you're so wonderful with Gabriella." Ellen praised him, and Henry ducked his face into his shoulder, embarrassed.

"Alex." Henry grinned at Alex's mom. His gummy smile, wide and bright. His real smile this time. The one he has just for the man in question. "He taught me everything I know about looking after children. He is a wonderful father,"

"He is." Ellen agreed.

They didn't stay to watch Henry give Gabriella a bottle and settle her down for the evening. Ellen now trusted that Henry knew what he was doing and had it in hand.

Before she had left though, she had bestowed Henry with a kiss on the forehead and her cell number, just in case Alex needed her, before wishing a good night in her trademark Texan drawl with the southern lilt.

Henry used the quiet and solitude of the evening to catch up on some writing and return some messages to Bea and his mum.

The ding of his mobile startled him and he was surprised to see a message from Philip, who was only three apartments down the hall, asking him if he was awake. Hastily, Henry typed a reply saying to come over.

By the time Philip arrived, Henry had the door open and a fresh pot of chamomile tea brewing. Taking a seat, where Henry had all of his stuff laid out, Philip poured himself some tea.

"I ... I want to apologise again." Philip whispered softly. "I know you weren't there and you were not aware, but I said some very harsh things about you and Alex to Mum, Martha and Bea after you left last week."

Philip paused, and Henry had made a non-committal noise. So far, Philip had kept his promise and seemed to be here to help out. And he was. He had been helping Leo comb data, and he had been discussing strategy with Oscar. He had been lending his security expertise from his time in the military to oversee both the contracted agents Ellen Claremont had hired and check in with their own royal PPOs.

"I ... Alex's parents and sister told me." Philip took a soothing sip of the chamomile tea. "About what that reporter did to Alex when he was a child. It's disgusting and truly awful. Is he ok? I mean not ok,ok because no one would ever be ok after that. But doing better?"

"He had a panic attack today, Pip." Henry let out in a whisper. "Brought on by a flashback. I think he has undiagnosed PTSD. I touched his neck, and he flashed back. It was the same look you would get when a car door would slam after you did your ACL."

"If he doesn't have a therapist ..." Philip let his warning trail off. Henry had seen him after he had returned from the military. He was skittish, would scare easily and was quick to temper.

"Shaan and Oscar are on it." Henry murmured, jotting down a note for himself to remember in the morning. About some swimming lessons for Gabriella while they were here and finding a doctor for that lingering congestion of hers.

"Does he ... Shaan's wife Zahra, she said he has evidence of what happened to him."

"Photos of his injuries and a copy of a voicemail from Ramos, detailing what he did to Alex while he was drugged and unconscious."

"Oh Henry." Pip sighed and to Henry it felt like he had his older brother back on his side. "I do hope Alex will be ok."

"Tomorrow is another day." Henry promised optimistically. The receiver to Gabriella's baby monitor crackled to life for a moment, her making some little grunting noises in her sleep, as she repositioned herself. Before settling herself back down.

"I had a thought..." Philip murmured as he drained his tea. "Remember Gavin? Dad's old PPO? The one he had in the end. Left our employ after dad's funeral?"

Henry remembered Gavin well. Gavin had come with Shaan, when Henry had called sobbing from Eton, confessing to Shaan he was injured from a sexual encounter with Philip's mate.

"Yeah,"

"He is MI6." Philip whispered. "I wrote the recommendation myself. I borrowed Shaan this evening and he did some discreet digging. Turns out that Agent Gavin Hatley is attached to the CIA as a liaison officer. Right here in California."

Henry must have had a confused look on his face, because Philip gave him a wry, upturned grin. Henry countered one of his own and the moment was so reminiscent of a time that felt like it was so long ago. Back when Philip was a young boy, and Henry was still a child and they would actually mess about like brothers. Like friends.

"We're royal Henry, let's use our privilege to our advantage. What good is it being a royal, if we cannot be selfish every once in a blue moon?" Henry rubbed his eyes. They were dry and gritty. Perhaps he should have gone to bed when he put Gabriella down

Henry wondered if must be already asleep because for once, Philip was actually making sense. "I think I should organise to meet our agent friend, and snag Shaan to accompany me and we should see what we can dig up on our good friend, Mr Ramos."

"That actually makes an alarming amount of good sense." Henry admitted, in good nature. Teasing his older brother.

"I have been known to have a good idea or two on occasion." He quipped, and officially they were being silly. "Leave it in my hands. Best not to tell the others so no one is disappointed if Agent Hatley can not help us."

Philip didn't stay much longer, it was getting late, and Henry felt just as tired, before Philip casually mentioned that he was still sleeping off some jetlag.

Alex seemed like he was back to his usual perky self. Henry woke to Alex in the kitchen, music on low playing a Spanish song that Henry had no hope of recognising. He was dancing around the kitchen, cooking eggs while Gabriella laughed and giggled at her Papi. Gabriella splashing her dry cheerios around in excitement.

Henry smiled widely at the father and daughter's antics. She clapped her hands together, jubilantly and the grin that Henry could already feel on his face spread itself wider.

"Did she just …?" Henry asked Alex, whose face mirrored his own in excitement.

"She just …" Alex replied, ecstatically. "She just clapped."

"Good girl, princess." Henry cooed to her, kissing the messy curls on top of her head, beating Alex to kiss his own daughter.

Pulling back from kissing Gabriella's head, Alex looked at Henry above her head. Want and lust written on his face. "Does Papi get a 'good girl, princess' too?" He quipped, and the bedroom eyes Alex sent his way, were turning his insides out.

Stepping around the high chair and gently pulling Alex in by the soft dip of his waist, Henry lowered his head to Alex's ear. "Good girl, princess." He whispered roughly, in his best bedroom voice.

Alex reacted in a visceral sense, his legs faltering slightly, but evident enough that Henry noticed it. A shiver ran through the course of Alex's body, visually pleasing to Henry's ego. His honey brown eyes wide open, and the look on his face does not belong in the kitchen with a nine month old present.

Henry's laughter rang through the room, as Alex sighed dramatically, and swatted him into a seat at the breakfast bar as Alex prepared him a cup of his beloved Earl Grey tea.

"That sleepover with Nana and Poppy Leo is getting closer and closer to a reality for you, Mija." Alex told his daughter as he brought her eggs over to her, catching Henry's eye and sending him a wink.

The view from the meeting room window gave them a great view of the suburb of Gaslamp Quarter and out to the water in the distance. The sight of the water always soothed Alex's nerves. It reminded him of Lake LBJ and the peacefulness and serenity he felt when he was there. He could hear Henry and Gabriella playing, Henry trying to encourage her to clap her hands again. Much to Ellen's amusement.

Oscar and Rafael entering the room happily diverted Alex's attention away from the water, and back to the room around him. Zahra sat, laptop open, her belly rounding out and rubbing it lightly. Her reading glasses were perched on the end of her nose as she closely studied the file on the screen before her.

"How the fuck are you doing, kid?" Rafael greeted him. Watching him like a cat and wondering if it's safe to pull Alex tightly into his arms. He decided to let Alex take the lead and instead Raf reached into his pocket and pulled out a packet of Skittles, and Alex's face immediately softened into a smile.

"You complete me, Raf." Alex returned his smile, taking the offered skittles and offered a hug. "Man, I have missed you."

"Espero que Enrique no sea del tipo celoso, niño." Raf grinned, sending Henry a wink from where he and Gabriella had joined Alex. ("Hope Enrique isn't the jealous type, kid.")

"Raf. Camarada. Compañero. Nunca pensé que dirías algo tan indecoroso. Pronto lo descubriremos" Alex laughed, and purposely put his arm around Henry and Gabriella. Pulling them closer to him. ("Raf. Pal. Buddy. I never thought you'd say you'd anything so unseemly. We'll soon find out")

Alex let out a laugh, and Henry recognised it as one of his public laughs. The one he would use in the courtroom or in the boardroom at the shelter. It wasn't his true laugh, the one that only he, Gabriella, and perhaps June and Nora were privy to.

"This is Gabriella, my daughter." Alex introduced the tot to Raf. Henry offered Gabriella to Alex, but she went all shy and hid her face in Henry's shirt with the new face of Rafael looming nearby.

"Don't be offended, Rafael. She's really shy with new people." Henry murmured, placing a kiss on her head and holding her close to his chest.

Alex looked like he was so in love and could melt at the feelings of love written on his face.

"Ella es hermosa, chico. Lo hiciste bien." Raf told him in Spanish, putting some more distance between him and the shy toddler. ("She is beautiful, kid. You did good.") Alex reached over and kissed his daughter's head, Henry now wearing the look of love plastered on his face. The same one Alex wore a few moments ago. Henry seamlessly transferred her to Alex, and he left to greet Philip and Shaan, who had just arrived.

Raf caught Oscar's eye nearby and on instinct scanned the room, catching Ellen's from where she was hovering between Leo and Zahra. Alex was completely focused on the tot in his arms, and Raf felt Oscar approach from behind him.

"Son algo lindos, Alejandro y el príncipe. Jugando a las casitas, pero es obvio que están muy enamorados." He muttered to Oscar. ("They're kind of cute, Alejandro and the prince. Playing house, but it's obvious they're so in love.")

"Well yeah." Oscar laughed at his friend.