The ride back was quiet, mostly because now that it was over, and there was no adrenaline in my system, I could feel the cuts and bruises jumping out of a moving car gave a person.
I got my injuries looked at and taken care of back at the hideout, and once Harley was sure I was okay, she walked me into a room where Joker was sitting, waiting at a desk with the TV muted, the news playing a story about what had happened at the pier playing behind him.
"Look at that carnage! It would've been better if you hit someone with the car, but look what you've done, my boy!" He cheered me, turning off the TV.
"So, you aren't upset?" I asked, an ungodly amount of relief flooding my brain.
"Upset!? Upset!?" He stood up, moving around the desk and getting close to my face.
"My dear boy, you've destroyed half of the amusement pier, almost hit Harvey with a car, and then broke one of his legs before cracking his eggs! I'm proud of you!"
He started to laugh, and I had to admit, it was funny. Regardless of how funny it was, I needed to get a point across while he was in a good mood.
"I want to learn how to fight. It's more like need, really. I want to be part of this family and carry my own weight. Plus, let's face it, Batman finds you eventually, and when he does, he's gonna try to take me. I don't really wanna go, plus I got beef with Robin." I told him quickly, and it all made sense. I gave a false name, and it fit into the clown theme. I could do it.
He looked me over, thinking things I didn't even want to pretend I understood before he laughed again, nodding slowly.
"You want to be a part of this family, huh? Carry your weight, huh? Well, you're a kid, but you're my kid now. Hmm, there's a lot of things to think about, but thinking isn't nearly as fun as doing! We're gonna get you clowned up!" His laugh scared the shit out of me, but I was in too far now.
it was official. Joker, Harley, and Slapstick. One big messed up family. Hell, it was my family, though. Wouldn't trade it for the world.
Training started almost immediately, spending months honing skills I didn't know I had and learning new ones I'd never have thought to learn at all.
Harley showed me the ropes of acrobatics and fighting. This was the easiest part since I'd learned to street fight early on quickly. I learned I was built for a lighter weapon, using a baseball bat instead of the giant mallet she used. Unlike her, I didn't have a quirk that gave me a small pocket dimension to store things in, so such a cartoonish weapon was too unruly for me.
That didn't stop me from putting in the physical work, pushing my body as far as I could, just to hear her praise me. I wanted to go above and beyond to make her happy.
Joker, on the other hand, taught me that to fight, you needed a mind as strong as your body. showing me how to build and dismantle weapons slowly exposing me to his laughing has during every session, helping me build an immunity to it until I was able to stand in a cloud of it without even smile.
I spent the nights reading, learning math, and engineering.
My favorite part was learning about all the gear, making my own, and improving on the original designs while keeping to the clown theme. Making gear made me feel like I could take on the world, quirk or not.
After all the months of training, all I was missing was a costume, at least until I came downstairs to see Joker and Harley waiting for me one morning, a me sized box sitting on the table.
I yawned, very excited, but also very tired. Training took all I had to keep up, and I needed my morning caffeine.
"If that's what I think it is, I'm gonna flip." I mumbled, pouring a cup of coffee and adding an unholy amount of sugar.
Harley could barely hold back her excitement, hoping from foot to foot.
"Depends on what you think it is."
"Well, it's either a costume or Robin."
Joker laughed, pulling the bow on the box and showing off my first costume. The suit was based on Charlie Bells, a full-on purple and green diamond pattern, but instead of being baggy, it was lightweight bulletproof armor with a cloth outer layer and the same kind of hat as Harley, a domino mask completing the look.
"Ooooh~, very nice. This is the coolest thing anyone has ever given me."
It didn't take long before I was suited up, flipping around the kitchen until I'd gotten the suit broken in. It was finally time to join them out in the field. Well, after breakfast, at least.
"Okay. So what's the plan? I mean, the best way to show people who I am is during broad daylight. May I suggest a good ol' fashioned bank robbery? Riddler just got caught, and the bank security is still kind of rocky. Besides, there's a Big Belly Burger next to it." I suggested, making a bowl of cereal.
"Well shit. I had no plans today, but we can do that." Joker told me. There was something different about him today. He seemed more whimsical and less murder happy lately. But then again, he was insane. Maybe today was just a good day.
Harley got up and pinched my cheeks, cooing to the Joker.
"Oh, my baby is gonna do his first heist! Mista J, can you believe it?"
"How could I not? After Harvey could hardly handle the beating he was handed, I knew my boy was meant to shine!"
He cackled, standing and putting a hand on my shoulder, his green eyes meeting mine for a moment, and I couldn't tell what he was thinking, but one thing was for sure, his entire personality was different. Two weeks ago, he threatened to shoot me to motivate me. Now, he seemed almost proud.
"Hurry and eat, I'll prep the Jokermobile."
"Yes, sir." I downed my food and went to brush my teeth. Just because I was a villain, it didn't mean I had to let my hygiene slip. Besides, it took a few minutes to get all the weapon systems online.
I stopped to look in the mirror, my nerves eating at me.
"Okay, Izuku. It's your time to shine. You got this. Just go out there, and make your supervillain family proud. Oh, man. I sound like such a nerd."
After a moment of making sure I was as ready as I could be, heading down the garage and getting in the back.
"Next stop, First Bank of Gotham!" Joker laughed, hitting the gas and absolutely zooming through traffic.
"You ready?" Harley asked, looking back with concern.
"If I wasn't, you wouldn't have brought me." I replied, playing with the poofy balls on my hat.
"You'll be grand." She assured me, twisting around in her seat to move a strand of hair out of my eyes.
I paused for a few seconds, trying to let my worry run off and feeling just a little confidence bloon in my chest.
"Thanks... mom." I mumbled, seeing her eyes tear up a little before she turned back around.
I closed my eyes, slipping on my domino mask. It felt weird, but I didn't mind too much. If it made them happy, I'd have worn a potato sack. Good thing Scarecrow already had that look taken.
My eyes shot open as we hit something, a siren blaring before I kicked open my door and jumped out, hitting a guard in the head and knocking him out while Harley took out another. First Bank of Gotham. It was one of the tallest buildings on the east side and one of the oldest.
"I need to make a withdrawal, and I'm in a frightful hurry. If you don't mind, would you be a doll and open the vault?" Joker asked, laughing as he pressed his gun against a bank tellers head.
"Y-Yes, sir, right away." He mumbled, trembling as he called over a second employee, the both of them working on get the vault open while Harley and I started tying up hostages, although I didn't participate in the jewelery snatching.
"Pop, the scanners are picking up something headed this way! I think the bats are already on the way!" I warned before throwing open the trunk and pulling out a rocket launcher.
"I don't gotta a joke. Guess I... blew it!" I cackled, moving and taking aim before the famed Batmobile came into my sights, taking the shot and going back to the car for my bat. Note to self, add a sheath for it on my costume.
Once I grabbed my weapon, I moved out of sight, hiding up on one of those gargoyles that banks had for some reason.
Something clacked just before smoke erupted from the front of the bank.
"Enough Joker! You're going back to Arkham!" Batman yelled as he and his colorfully costumed sidekick jumped out of the smoke, tossing one of his batarangs at him.
I jumped down, ready to smack the shit out of him before he just turned and grabbed my leg, tossing me at Harley, who caught me, helping me to my feet.
"Aw, Batman, don't you like a little bit of Slapstick?" I joked before turning my attention to Robin, who was sporting a red and black costume.
"Hey, new suit? It looks good. Makes you look less like a walking target."
"Oh good, another member of Jokers insane clown posse. You can fight the new guy, I'm sure you'll get along perfectly." Robin replied, both even looking at me, a short kid in a colorful suit
"New guy? Well, a Robin is a Robin." I shrugged, gripping my bat and rushing the kid, who pulled out a freaking sword and quickly disarmed me, pulling back the weapon before Batman had to knock it out of his hands.
"Thanks for that batface, I really didn't want to get skewered by an overgrown toddler."
Moving away, I picked up my bat and flipped over to where Harley was. We could handle the two sidekicks together. We knew how to fight together.
"You ready, mom?"
"You know it, sweetie. Let's show these bird-brains who they're messin' with."
The old Robin in his new suit looked confused, his eyes moving from me to Harley before shooting his grappling hook at me, my bat doing a good job of breaking two of the four prongs.
"I just wanted an easy win. Why can't things ever be easy with you psychopaths?" The old Robin asked before throwing a few smoke pellets down and moving in, flipping over me, blocking a hit from my bat with his staff. I'd learned to fight in a room full of Jokers gas. Some smoke wouldn't blind me thst easily.
"These psychopaths are the only family I got Tweety, so you better show them some damn respect, or I'll leave you like I did the melted face prick." I told him, kicking high and hitting him in the side.
"You're the one who messed up Two-Face? I'm not gonna lie. That was some clean work. Still gonna beat ya, though."
I batted my eyes, biting my lip a little.
"Well, normally I charge extra for that, but I'll let you have me for free."
It sent him into a blushing panic, trying to explain that he didn't mean it like that, but it didn't matter to me, walking up to him with a smile, touching his cheek with a small laugh.
"Who are you? I feel like I know you." I told him softly, right before sending enough volts to knock him out through his body, leaving him in a twitching pile on the floor.
I tilted my head, feeling a little bad for having to knock him out. If things were reversed, I'd like to think I'd appreciate not being killed. But it was kind of exciting, though, flirting with a masked stranger. It made sense why Batman had an on again/off again relationship with Catwoman.
Now, it was time to mess up the small fry. Two on one, taking on a kid seemed unfair, but he was in the field with Batman, so he'd probably be able to put up a good fight.
"You were right, mom. I should use my assets to my advantage more often." I told Harley, giddy at knowing I had the power to allure someone like that. "I had, uh, hey, new Robin, what's old Robin called now?"
The new Robin held out his sword, sneering at the both of us before proudly answering.
"His name is Red Robin. Now face me, you hussy!"
"Hussy? I'm at least a tramp you, little shit stain!"
"You're neither, and don't let me hear you using that kind of language again, young man." Harley told me sternly, not even needing to look at me to make me feel the wrath only a mother could give.
"Will you hurry and fight me already?" Robin asked as he ran towards Harley and I, the two of us having to go on the defensive from his sword swings.
"No matter how skilled you, you're still just a kid, and we're bigger than you!" I taunted, Harley pulling me into her pocket dimension before pulling me out, giving me an opening to bonk the kid on his back with my bat.
Without his weapon, he was fast, his hand to hand second only to maybe Batman. But he was a kid, and once we got a good hit on his head, he was out like a light.
"And better too, apparently." Harley joked, knocking his sword out of his hands and preparing a swing to his head before I knocked her hammer away.
"He's a kid. We don't kill kids. Hell, I'd prefer if we didn't kill at all." I told her, picking up the beaten child and using his grappling hook to tie him and Red Robin up.
"Now we just gotta find Pop, help him with his Batman problem, and we go home with a car full of money."
Harley looked a little annoyed that I didn't let her off a kid, but it was what it was, heading up to the roof where the sounds of fighting led us to where the defender of Gotham and Joker were battling it out like usual.
"Should we jump in and help?" I wondered, Harley shaking her head and cheering for Joker.
"Mista J! Mista J! If you can't do it, no one can!"
"Oh Harley, what a perfect time! Come help me!" Joker called, Harley eagerly running to help before a foot kicked me in the back, making me stumble forward.
"Thanks for the nap, but I'm all rested up now, and I'm gonna kick your ass." Red Robin told me, watching me pout.
"I didn't mean to hurt you, birdy boy, I figured you like it rough." I told him, hearing a scream as Joker pushed Harley, who was barely holding onto the side of the building.
"So what's it gonna be, Batman? Save Harley and let me escape, or let her fall to her death?" The killer clown asked, and suddenly I realized what I was doing. I was working for the Joker. I was dressed up like a clown. I called him my dad.
Red Robin tried to hit me, but I dodged, snatching his grappling hook and running to edge, jumping off and shooting a line, praying it worked as I grabbed Harleys hand. The only thing that held her was me, and the only holding me was a broken grappling hook.
"It's okay. I won't let you fall. I promise." The hook slipped slightly, and my gripp. God, breaking this thing earlier was stupid. I was stupid for putting myself and others in this position.
"It can't hold us both." She told me as the truth hit me hard. I knew what I had to do to save myself. I just didn't have the strength to do it.
"I just wanted to make you smile. I'm sorry, mom."
"It's not your fault. I shoulda never let you be part of this. You deserve better." She told me, and I smiled sadly before pulling her up, locking her hand in the devices handle. Man, Batman really did think of everything.
I laughed, finally understanding what it all meant. Why heroes did what they did. It was all to protect the people the people they care about.
"Be good, mom. Be better. I love you."
I hit retract on the grappling hook, letting go. I'd never taken a life, and I'd saved one. Maybe the big guy upstairs would forgive me for the whole robbing the bank thing.
It felt like I was falling forever, enough time to think of everything I'd done in my short life. Of my parents, who'd died protecting me. Of my gang friends, who were all in jail now. Of Harley, who'd treated me better than any foster mother I'd ever had before. All in all, my life had been good. Better than most in this city. I counted myself lucky as I closed my eyes, pain shooting through my body before darkness consumed me.