"Life as a Dyad"

By EsmeAmelia

Chapter 21

The Solo couple checked out the next morning, both eager to get home. As they waited in line at the front desk, Ben had to frequently resist the temptation to reach out with the Force and find the restaurant manager, get a feel for his emotions, maybe glimpse him raging over how much the free room service had cost him. No, no, resist, resist, don't overstep boundaries, don't go too dark side after spending a weekend enacting a revenge scheme.

He felt Rey squeeze his hand. "Ben, I know this honeymoon didn't turn out the way we'd hoped, but I don't think it was all bad."

Ben looked over at his wife, flashing a small smile at her. "No, it wasn't all bad. For one thing, I learned that I can't stand Corellian rum cake."

Rey snickered a little. "Neither can I."

When they reached the front of the line, the receptionist droid again checked them out without a second glance at Ben, but once the process was complete, the droid had one extra thing to say.

"I have a message for Mr. and Mrs. Solo from the restaurant manager," the droid said. "He says that he hopes you enjoyed the free room service, because he will definitely not be making an offer like that again."

With that, Rey and Ben grinned at each other. They exited the lobby with their hands clasped, silently congratulating each other on a job well done.

. . .

One of the best things about being a general during peacetime was being able to train the next generation of pilots.

Poe always felt his chest puff up when he watched the Flight Academy cadets in their flight simulators and gave them advice on how to win the next virtual battle. Though he and Finn had never gotten around to having children, he didn't feel a loss there. For one thing, he and Finn were the biological fathers of Rose and Jannah's kids and they maintained a close relationship with them; for another thing, they were Gavin's honorary uncles; and for another thing, they could still pass themselves on to the next generation through their cadets.

"Okay everyone, simulators off!" he shouted, BB-8 repeating the command in his own beeping language. "One hour lunch break!"

The cadets obeyed, turning off their simulators and chatting with one another as they headed off to lunch. Meanwhile, Finn had finished assisting one of the cadets and now headed over to his husband, planting a quick kiss on his lips. "Let's eat out," Finn said.

"Sounds good to me," said Poe, grinning as he ran his hand through his husband's hair. "I feel like something unhealthy."

But before they could escape to a restaurant, they found themselves stopped at the door by a Chiss woman in a police officer's uniform, her blue face staring at them and making it clear that they wouldn't be able to leave until they'd heard what she had to say.

"Generals Poe and Finn Dameron?" she asked, her voice as hard as her face.

"Yeah?" said Finn. "What's this about, officer?"

BB-8 beeped that if she wanted to arrest Poe and Finn, she'd have to get through him first, but fortunately for all of them, she didn't seem to understand his beeps.

"I'm Darna Ysir," she said, showing them her holographic badge. "I'm Ben Solo's parole officer."

"Is he in trouble?" Finn asked.

"No, not exactly, but we still need to talk."

"Okay," said Poe, "so why are you talking to us instead of him?"

"He's more likely to accept what I have to say if he hears it from you instead of me." She gestured towards the door. "Why don't I take you to lunch and we can talk there?"

"Do we have a choice?" asked Finn.

"Given the circumstances, no you don't."

. . .

She took them to a small diner near the Flight Academy, ordering them to a small booth next to the window and telling them that she would cover their food. Once they all ordered, she leaned forward to look into their eyes, that serious look still on her face.

"Okay, what's this about?" asked Poe.

The officer wasted no time. "The man who attacked the Solos' apartment, Cole Harman, has been released on bail. While he knows that there will be severe consequences if he tries attacking them again, that's still no guarantee that he won't try again or that others won't try something similar."

"We offered to put Ben into a protection program," said Finn. "He refused."

Darna nodded. "It often happens when the convicts have families. They don't want to force their families to go into hiding with them, but they also don't want to be separated from their families." She twisted her mouth. "I also understand that there was an incident last week where he and his wife were banned from a hotel restaurant?"

"That wasn't his fault!" Finn exclaimed. "They didn't do anything – the manager just kicked them out because the other customers didn't want to be around Ben!"

"Nevertheless, it was still an incident," said Darna. "If the manager hadn't intervened, things might have even gotten violent." She clasped her hands on the table in a no-nonsense manner. "Now I am concerned about his safety and I'm sure you are too."

"Well what can we do if he won't go into a protection program?" asked Poe. "Yeah, he's still got a shit-ton of people mad at him, but I dunno if there's any way to get them to stop being mad at him."

"And besides, he's got the Force," said Finn. "He can defend himself if something does happen. Not to mention that Rey and Gavin can definitely protect him too."

Now she was glaring at them. "If he retaliates in an aggressive manner, that could result in a trip back to prison. Many people already think he got off way too easy."

"Yeah, well I dare them to spend twenty years in prison," said Poe.

"That's not the point!" Darna exclaimed. "If someone tries to provoke him and he retaliates, he can be arrested again."

That silenced the generals. Poe glanced at Finn, both of them knowing fully-well that there was no guarantee Ben wouldn't retaliate if he were provoked, especially if he thought Rey and Gavin were being threatened.

"All right," Poe finally said. "So what do you suggest?"

. . .

"A job?" Ben exclaimed. "A job at the prison?"

"Look, I know it sounds awful," Finn quickly intervened from across the table where he and Poe were having dinner at the Solos' apartment, "but just think about it for a moment."

"I AM thinking about it!" Ben shouted. "I'm thinking about how I spent twenty damn years there and I don't want to go back there for another minute!"

"But this way, people can keep an eye on you," said Poe. "You can get a police escort to and from work and there would always be officers around to protect you . . ."

"I don't need protecting!" Ben snarled. "And I don't need people keeping an eye on me either."

"Really? Well your parole officer thinks otherwise. Besides, you would be working in the prison library – you wouldn't be anywhere near the cells."

Ben snorted. "The library. I wasn't allowed in the library – now they suddenly trust me there?"

"Ben," said Rey, putting her hand on her husband's shoulder, "you don't have to take this job."

"No, he doesn't have to," said Finn, "but he might want to consider that he's being offered a job and it might be very difficult to get someone else to hire him."

Ben snarled again, slamming his hand on the table. "Oh really? I had no idea that employers might not want to hire Kylo Ren – thanks for the information!"

"Ben!" exclaimed Poe, holding up his hand in a calming gesture. "We're trying to help you here. This job wouldn't have to be forever, okay? Just try it out, see how you like it, and we all plan the next step from there."

"The next step! In case any of you haven't noticed, the next step always backfires!" He leapt to his feet. "None of you can understand what this is like – no, not even you, Rey! You can feel my emotions but you never experienced being him! You don't have to live with actually being responsible for countless innocent deaths, including your own parents! You don't have to live with everyone hating you and everyone having extremely good reasons to hate you!"

With that, he stormed out of the kitchen.

. . .

Rey found her husband sitting on their bed, legs crossed, eyes closed, attempting to meditate, though she could easily sense that wasn't going well.

"GAH!" he cried out, eyes popping open. "I hate meditation, I've always hated it! I can never calm my mind when there's so much stuff running around in it!" He let out a short, troubled breath. "Even Dad was better at meditating than I am – and he wasn't even Force-sensitive, plus he saw meditation as pointless." Several more short breaths. "But when Uncle Luke came over and led us all in meditation sessions, Dad could at least sit still and concentrate a little. I can't even do that!"

Rey inched herself onto the bed next to him, wrapping her arm around his shoulders. "Sweetheart, it's all right. Turning down this job offer won't be the end of the world."

"But I can't just sit here and be afraid," Ben said with an abrupt inhale. "I need to get out there."

"And you just did. You went on the honeymoon and even though there were mishaps, you still spent a weekend away from the apartment." Rey ran her hand up and down his back, sending soothing feelings through the Force.

"And I could easily use what happened on the honeymoon as an excuse to never leave again," Ben mumbled. He leaned his head back, closing his eyes and absorbing his wife's touch. "Stay here in a new prison – but this one of my own choosing."

"Ben . . ."

"Part of me wants to do it," Ben interrupted. "Just close myself away from the outside world and hide like my uncle did."

Rey didn't know how to respond. Should she encourage him to take the job and face his fears or should she tell him he didn't need to face his fears right now and risk feeding the idea that he should hide for the rest of his life? She knew what the Jedi would say, but she had walked away from the teachings of the old Jedi Order a long time ago.

"Do you want to be like your uncle?" she finally said in an awkward voice, maybe to inject lightness into the situation or maybe to make a point. Maybe both.

"No!" he immediately exclaimed, his eyes popping open.

"All right," said Rey. "Then what do you want to do?"

There was a shudder in his breath before he spoke.

"Go back in time," he said through a choked-back sob. "Stop myself from turning to the dark side."