Six

Kate remembered waking up a few times after that, amidst screams and gunshots and streams of warm sunlight bathing her body, which felt so out of place. Each time she awoke it was only for a few seconds, and each time, she called out for J'onn. Had he died? Was he safe? She no longer felt immense pain, though her body ached from the aftermath, as if those tentacles had been inside her instead of him. Her head felt split open, and she had to keep her eyes closed against the sunlight pouring in from the ceiling because the light only made her headache worse.

Someone was helping her down, out of her bonds…

Someone had leaned her up against something, was telling her not to move…

Light stabbed her eyes when she cracked them open and her head hurt so badly that she leaned over and threw up…

###

"... Kate… Kate… Kate!"

Kate shot awake with a gasp and tried to get her feet underneath her. Her eyes zeroed in on the hand outstretched in front of her and she scrambled away from it, remembering the Imperium's tentacles burrowing into her flesh. "No!"

The hand retreated. "Kate, listen to my voice. Do you hear me? You know me. You are safe. I will not hurt you. I will never touch you without your permission."

Her eyes focused first on the blue of his boots. She stared at them for several seconds, breathing. Then she found his knee and focused on that, marveled at the green of his skin. Her eyes trailed up his body and stared at the red of his harness and stopped there. "J'onn," she whispered.

"Yes." His voice was calm and quiet.

"What happened?" she asked, still whispering. She couldn't imagine talking any louder at the moment. Even whispering hurt her throat, abused from all the screaming she'd done before.

"The Imperium is dead, as are most of the invaders. The others have fled."

"The Imperium," she repeated, and ground her teeth for a moment. "Did it die horribly?"

"Yes. It began burning alive in the light of the sun. Then it tried to escape in its ship, but we brought it down, and it exploded."

"It suffered?"

"Yes."

"Good," she said, above a whisper this time, and devolved into a coughing fit for her troubles. The coughing hurt her throat even more, and it made her head pound. She sat with her back against whatever was behind her, her knees up, cradling her head.

I don't—

She got two words into her telepathic message to J'onn before the pain split her head open. It felt as if she'd been struck by lightning. She could not even scream, for the pain was so strong that it tore the breath from her lungs. She collapsed onto her side, clutching her head as her world fell apart. Colors flashed before her closed eyelids. She felt like she might be sick again. Vaguely, she was aware that someone was calling her name, but she had no idea who they were, and they seemed so far away as to be inconsequential…

After what could have been five seconds or five hours, she came back to the Earth again, became aware of her surroundings once more. She did not attempt to sit up and only lay there clutching at her head. The pain made her begin to cry, but the crying made it worse so she tried to stop. Only, she couldn't. "What's wrong with me?" she asked, sobbing. "My head…"

"The Imperium…" J'onn sighed and when he spoke again, his voice was dull with some negative emotion. "What you did, trying to protect me… It opened you up to… psychic damage. You connected yourself to me in such a way that allowed that—that vile creature to harm us both. It seems to have disabled your ability to reach out telepathically, even empathetically."

Kate swallowed and lowered her hands away from her head, staring blearily up at J'onn from where she lay curled in the fetal position on the ground. "Is it permanent?"

He paused before replying. "I don't know." His voice was so gentle and sad that it scared her.

She lay there for a long time, trying to process everything that had happened and all that he'd just told her. "What… What now?" she asked.

"Now, I take you to a hospital. There is no reason for you to be in so much pain, and, perhaps with enough rest and healing, your powers will return."

She could hear him trying to sound hopeful, but she could also hear the false note in his voice.

Not knowing what else to do—not seeing the point of defying him—she whispered, "Okay."

Nothing happened.

She looked up at him again, questioningly.

"The only way out of here requires that I pick you up and fly you out," he said.

"Okay…?"

"I have to touch you."

She imagined his hands reaching down for her, imagined them becoming tentacles and stabbing into her arms, forcing themselves up past her shoulders into her neck, underneath the skin of her face, breaking through her skull—

"Kate… Kate!"

She came back to herself, hyperventilating. "No, no, no, no," she said, over and over again. "No, no, no…"

"Focus on me," came a voice. "Listen to my voice. You are safe. No one is going to hurt you. Right now, in this moment, you are safe."

Her eyes swiveled until they found his face, his own eyes. She focused on the strangeness of them, the beauty in them. Those orange eyes surrounded in thick black, pulling her in. "Talk to me," she begged, trying to still her racing heart.

He settled down fully on the ground, sitting cross-legged. "Long, long ago, thousands of years before I was born, when Mars was untamed jungle and my ancestors lived in the sea, something dark crawled its way out of a volcanic vent in the ocean floor. It was a monstrous creature, capable of spewing lava and heating the water around it to such high temperatures that it could boil others alive."

"This isn't a very calming tale," Kate said.

"Listen," he replied patiently.

He sounded so much like her father in that moment, reading her a bedtime story, that she fell silent.

"Several of my ancestors, being peaceful creatures, were so fearful of this monster that they turned tail and swam far away, hoping to outrace it and find a home somewhere new. But the monster could swim faster than they could, and many of them died.

"One young woman, however, was braver than the rest. Her name was Bas'tal, and she loved to sing. She would spend all day singing, ignoring the calls of her parents to come and learn her lessons, to eat dinner, to please stop singing for five minutes so that they could take their nap in peace."

Kate snorted with laughter despite herself. J'onn was a good storyteller, his usually stoic demeanor and voice giving way to something much more animated.

"One day, not long after the monster had risen from the volcanic vent, Bas'tal heard tell that a fiery creature was coming to destroy her and her village. Many of the villagers fled like all those before them. Her parents fled too, but no matter how they begged her to go with them, she refused. They left her behind with heavy hearts, assuming never to see her again.

"Then the monster came to the village and went searching through all the houses to find anyone it could gobble up."

Kate smiled at that word choice, knowing then, for sure, that he was repeating some kind of Martian fairy tale, probably something he had told his own kids many times, given how smoothly he recited the words.

J'onn went on. "It found the village to be empty and wandered its waterways in disappointment. As it was just thinking to leave and find somewhere new to terrorize, it came across Bas'tal who had been slowly following along behind it, watching from the shadows.

"It roared its terrible roar at her and charged, its maw wide open, showing the magma deep in its belly. But Bas'tal was not afraid. Even as it came nearer to devour her, she began to sing."

Here, J'onn stopped and cleared his throat and, to Kate's surprise, he began to sing. He sang very softly and a little off-key, but he did sing. She lay on the ground and listened to him, and wished that she knew Martian so that she could understand the words, for he sang the song in his native tongue, a melodious language with words often ending in vowels. Soft sounds. He did not look at her as he sang, except that every once in a while his orange eyes would skitter across her face for a moment to see her reaction. She smiled at him until her face hurt.

The song was only about a half a minute long. She wondered if there was more and if he'd cut it short, or if it was supposed to be that short because it was part of a larger story.

He cleared his throat again, taking a deep breath before continuing. She wondered if he was embarrassed to sing in front of her. She wanted to touch his hand and assure him that she'd liked it, but she didn't, not wishing to interrupt.

"The more Bas'tal sang, the slower the monster became, until it was no longer charging her. By the time her song was done, it drifted the last few feet, lazy and tired, and yawned. Bas'tal could see deep down into its belly as it yawned, and she saw that the magma there had cooled to a faint orange glow. She sang more songs to it, and swam away as she did so, and led it back to the vent in the ocean floor out of which it had crawled. It was so sleepy by the time they arrived that it crawled back into the vent without a fuss and drifted off. Bas'tal put her ear near the vent and heard its rumbling snores far below.

"She returned to her village, and as she passed through all the others on her way home, she saw the people returning. Some of them had hidden in shadows and watched what she had done, and those few told all the rest, so that, by the time she made it back home, she was proclaimed a hero. There was a celebration in her village on the night of her return, with a delicious feast and good music, and dancing. But Bas'tal was tired from her trip, which had taken many days, and her voice was tired too. Instead of joining in the festivities, she only embraced her parents and went to bed."

Kate had been so lost in the story, and the sound of J'onn's voice, that she did not realize right away that it was over. "That's it?" she asked. "Aren't you supposed to say something like, 'And now it's time for all the good little Martian children to go to sleep, too?'"

He smiled at his lap. "Something like that."

Kate sat up, groaning as she did so. The ground in this place might be squishy—for they were still inside the remains of the invaders' factory—but it didn't make a good place to lay down. "You have a good voice for storytelling. And singing." She smiled at him.

"No," he said softly. "M'yri'ah was the singer, not me. I would narrate the story and then she would sing the song."

Kate felt a little deflated at his words, thinking of his wife, and of two little girls sitting on their parents' laps, listening to bedtime stories. "Oh, J'onn. I'm so sorry."

"Do not be sorry," he said, smiling at her, though there was sadness in his face. "As I told you before, my people died over five-hundred years ago, and all I've had are memories. I don't mind sharing them with you."

Kate didn't know what else to say. She wished the two of them were still telepathically linked, wished she knew exactly what he was thinking. The thought that her powers might be gone forever made her want to start crying again, so she pushed the thought away. "I… I think I'm ready now."

He took a breath and stood up, then reached a hand down for her.

She took it with trembling fingers, afraid that touching him might set her off again, but she felt fine. His hand was warm. She stood on unsteady legs, but she did stand.

"Now comes the difficult part," he said.

"Right," she muttered. "Well… Just do it."

"I do not wish to retraumatize you."

She sighed. "Please, just… I'm so tired, and my head hurts so badly… I would really love to be at the hospital right now so they can give me some painkillers and send me to sleep."

He took a breath and nodded, then slowly placed one hand on her arm.

She flinched. Tentacles burrowing into her arms.

He took his hand away.

"No, please," she whispered. "Please?"

Slowly, he put his hand back on her arm.

She flinched again but he did not remove it this time. She stood there, breathing, feeling his touch, his fingers on her skin. Half of her expected his fingers to become tiny little tentacles with sharp points to stab into her arm. The other half of her focused on her breathing, closing her eyes. After a full minute, when nothing bad had happened, she opened her eyes again and looked at his hand. It looked strong and capable, and soft. A hand to hold her up, not to tear her down.

She remembered his arms around her middle in the Batwing, keeping her safe, keeping her grounded as her claustrophobia tried to get the better of her. J'onn had been nothing but kind since she'd met him. Kind and protective, and gentle when he could be. He did not fight because he enjoyed it, but because it was necessary. This—this man sitting here telling stories—was his real self, buried underneath, and he had let her see.

"Okay," she said. "I'm ready."

J'onn placed a hand on her back and stopped.

She swallowed, trying to focus on her breathing. J'onn is not a monster. He won't hurt me. He is not the Imperium.

He bent his knees, and scooped her up into his arms.

She fought him automatically, squirming, even as she tried to tell herself she didn't need to. "No! No!" Tentacles wrapping around her body, cutting off all escape, pushing into her skin, breaking bone—

He put her down.

She stood, panting, shaking, and yet she held tightly to his arms even as the thought of being picked up again sent her panicking. One minute passed. J'onn did not move in that time, did not speak, hardly breathed. She looked up into his face, saw the concern lined there.

"Again," she said.

"Kate—"

"Again. Or we'll never get out of here."

He inhaled sharply through his nose and, in one swift movement, picked her up again.

This time she bit her tongue to keep from calling out, and tensed every muscle in her body to keep from thrashing.

He did not move.

"Go," she got out between clenched teeth.

"Are you—"

"Go!"

He went, taking off into the air.

Now she clung to him for fear of falling, and tried to keep in her mind the feel of him holding her this way before, cradling her as they flew over the valley towards Metropolis, cradling her as he lifted her up to a passageway above their heads as they ran from the invaders. He was safe. He was safe. And yet, she had to fight her own body the entire time they flew across the city.

They were only in the air for about thirty seconds before he slowly descended and set her down. She was already breathing heavily by this point and leaned over, putting her hands on her knees. "Why did you stop?" she asked, thinking that there was no way she'd be able to let him keep carrying her now.

"I just realized I don't know where the hospital is."

She stood up straight and looked at him, and something in his face made her laugh.

His eyes widened in surprise.

She was surprised too, surprised that she could ever laugh again, given all that had happened. "Look for a street sign," she told him, swiveling her head. "I know this city. If I can figure out where I am, I'll know how to get to—"

"There," J'onn said, and she followed the direction of his finger to the sign.

"Okay. I know where we are. Metropolis General is that way." She gestured with her head. "When you see it, you'll know. It's a big clump of buildings a block wide, with a big, red, glowing sign out front."

"Would you like to walk…" he began, but she was shaking her head.

She stopped shaking it a second later because it hurt. "It would be a long walk and I'm not sure I'm up for that right now. Besides, I really do want to get used to being touched or this is going to end up being a big problem. I don't want to have a meltdown every time someone touches me." If anyone deigns to touch me at all, she thought, but kept this to herself.

J'onn nodded solemnly. "All right. I understand." He approached her and slowly put a hand on her back, between her shoulder blades.

She closed her eyes and focused on the feel of his palm, how warm it was through her shirt, and each individual finger. It was a hand, not a tentacle. And it was nice and warm and comforting. She nodded, and wrapped her arms around his neck in the same moment that he bent his knees and picked her up. Then he held completely still.

She waited. She felt his arms touching her, holding her against his chest and under her knees so that she wouldn't fall. She waited some more. Then she looked up into his face and he looked down at her and she realized how close their heads were, their mouths. She blushed. "I'm—I'm fine. You can go."

"You're not," he said, brows furrowing. "You've gone red."

She blushed harder. "That's—"

"I can put you down—"

"No!" Kate said, frustrated and embarrassed and exhausted. Half of her wished he could simply read her mind to understand what had happened, and the other half was very glad that he could not. "Just… I'm fine. Just go." This seemed so much easier when he could read my mind, she thought, as he took off into the air. Things had seemed so different between them a few hours before. There'd been a simple kind of understanding, an acknowledgement of each other's existences in the world, separate from one another, but also together. It was hard for her to remember what that felt like now, after everything that had happened. She wanted that connection back, but wasn't sure if wanting it was healthy. Humans weren't supposed to be able to read each other's minds. Well… not unless they were telepathic, which she apparently was. But not anymore…

She sighed as she held onto him.

Impossibly, through the wind rushing past them, he seemed to hear her and glanced down at her for a moment, then focused once more on getting them to the hospital.

She realized that her headache was slowly going away, though she was still incredibly uncomfortable. But she didn't dare attempt to establish their mental connection in the air like this, lest she get another thunderclap-like pain. She might very well fall to her death if that happened, no matter how much she trusted J'onn to catch her.

It only took a few minutes to get to the hospital traveling by air like this. He set her down at the entrance and she rubbed her arms, shivering. It was cold out today, despite the sun overhead, and she'd left all of her warm clothes back in that godforsaken place that she never wanted to think about ever again for the rest of her life. Because suppressing negative thoughts was a great way to deal with things, right?

"You're cold," he said at her side.

She jumped, and then tried to laugh it off. "So your species shivers when you're cold, but you don't blush?"

"What?"

"Nothing. Come on." She began to turn away from him, then stopped. "Or… uh… Actually, you don't—have to come in with me."

His brows furrowed again. "Do you… want me to leave?"

"N-No!" she said quickly, then hurried on. "I just meant that you got me to the hospital, right? So…" She shrugged. "I mean, I'm safe now. So you can… go, if…" She trailed off uncertainly, studying his face, which had become more and more grave with each word.

He stared at the ground for several seconds, then lifted his eyes to look at her, and his gaze seemed to pin her in place. "Everything that happened to you tonight is my fault," he said.

"What? No—"

"I reached out to you, begging for your help, and you came with Superman and saved me. But… you're not… a hero like he is. You're not…" He sighed. "You're a civilian. You don't know anything about war. And now you have been terrified and tortured and traumatized, and that is my fault." His voice had grown steadily angrier as he spoke, until he was spitting the words.

"J'onn," she said, and reached up to hold his face in her hands because she didn't know how else to get his attention.

He stilled like a corpse in her hands.

"Nothing that happened to me was your fault. I chose to rescue you, and everything else happened because of the invaders and the Imperium. If you want to blame anyone for what happened, blame them." She stared into those eyes that seemed to draw her in every time she looked at him until she was swimming in a sunset pool. "My trauma is not your fault."

J'onn took a shaky breath and placed his hands over top of hers, then pulled them quickly away. "I'm sorry," he began, remembering her touch aversion.

"Me too," she said, taking them off of his face. "I-I should never have—"

"I didn't mind."

She looked at him, then look away, then looked back at him again. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yes."

"You don't have to answer."

He tilted his head questioningly.

"Why… I mean… I only felt the pain from—from what the Imperium did to you because of our… mental connection. You're the one who actually…" She couldn't finish the thought, feeling bile rise in her throat. "So—So, why aren't you…"

He gave her a tight smile. "Why am I not so overtly traumatized?"

She looked away from him. "I shouldn't have asked."

"Kate." His voice was gentle.

She peeked at him.

"I'll tell you why when we get inside. You're cold and you need medical attention."

"Okay," she said, thinking that this was simply his way of politely refusing to answer her.

As she headed inside, he remained right next to her. It made her feel safe.