Four days had passed since their arrival at the tower. Four days of avoiding Claire. She knows the red head has always been near. Has felt her eyes following her everywhere but Jill somehow did manage to get Claire to leave her alone for the most part. And she was fine with that. Fine with the time and distance to deal with everything she learnt and what that means for her as a person.
Everything that happened between Claire and her.
Chris and K-Mart have been acting as the go between for them. and Alice can tell it's starting to stress both of them out. They understand there was a falling out and that Claire said something that hurt Alice but it's clear that the two of them are eager for them to make up. To talk it out. But won't make them talk about it knowing if they tried it would just make them shut down more.
But she has missed Claire in those four days. In those two weeks apart. To be so close to her but still so far away hurts. As angry as she might be with Claire. As hurt as she is. Alice knows the other woman is an integral part of who she is. To who she wants to be. She can't imagine a life without Claire Redfield in it. But more importantly, she doesn't want to try and think of what her life would be like with Claire in it. She's lived that before and it was awful. She'd rather not relive those months of yearning and desperation in trying to track the other woman down yet again.
Figuring that enough time has passed, and she's let Claire suffer enough for her harsh words Alice saunters out to the top of the tower. Claire has taken to watching the sunset out here. She isn't sure if this was a thing before Alice ever stumbled on the tower but for the past few days, Claire would always be here. Claire wasn't the only one watching the other after all.
She doesn't say anything as she approaches. But makes it so her light footsteps can be audible. She sees Claire tense as she registers the sound but doesn't turn around. When Alice reaches her. She just mimics Claire's position sitting on the dusty floor legs hanging over the edge of the tower resting her head on her hands on the metal railing.
Silence reigns between them. Not an awkward uncomfortable silence. They never seemed to have that type since they met in that gas station in Nevada. It's peaceful and comforting. For a second she can almost forget about all the shit that has happened. Claire has that effect on her. Always has. Always knew how to calm the storm raging in her head. Sometimes she wonders if Claire knows just how much her presence affects Alice.
From the corner of her eye, she sees how Claire keeps looking at her with anticipation and anxiety. Waiting ever so patiently for Alice to start the conversation. No matter how badly she wants to talk Claire swore she wouldn't until Alice was ready.
But a conversation like this isn't just something you just dive into. Just throw out a causal did you ever love me like I loved you or was I just seeing what I wanted to see. Is she even ready to hear the answer to that.
Well fuck it. She's here now.
Instead, she tries to ease her way into it. The sun gently setting in front of them mixing colours together is beautiful. Sunrises and sunsets are things of awe and beauty without human intervention. That's why so many poems are dedicated to them. There's an innocence to them. A meaning of new beginnings and hope. Something she could use right about now.
"Do you know what Covetous means," Alice asks finally breaking the silence.
Claire looks towards her. Soft eyes filled with so many emotions that Alice has to look away otherwise she would lose her nerve. "No," Claire admits quietly. Every part of her focused on Alice from her eyes to her head to her body. Everything of Claire is attuned to Alice.
And that thought is enough to make her heart pick up in speed. She feels so raw and exposed right now. Like Claire can see that right through her. It makes a lump form in her throat. Like she can't breathe.
Refusing to meet Claire's almost loving gaze Alice takes a few steady breaths before continuing. "It means having or showing a great desire to possess something belonging to someone else." It's one of those words that if you don't actually look into it, you won't really understand it. But from her own experience and if Jill is right, it's a word that seems to fit them perfectly.
Claire's eyes narrow slightly at the word not fully understanding what this has to do with anything but is quiet to let Alice speak. Something for which she is grateful for. She knows what she wants to ask. What she wants to say and what she wants Claire to say. But she's struggling to put those thoughts into words.
"It's how I felt when I first saw you with Doc," Alice admits a hint of disdain coming out at the mention of the man who hurt Claire. As distant as the two of them have been recently she understands the red heads pain and feels nothing but pure loathing in regards to the man who hurt Claire like that. If he was still alive, she would love nothing more than to show him all the reasons why Umbrella feared her so much.
"I am so sorry Alice," Claire mutters in the silence that followed her admission. Claire closes her eyes and sags into her own body. "I can never be sorry enough."
"For which part," Alice asks. Not spitefully. She's tired of being angry and hurt. Of holding on to so many horrible feelings to try and fill this void inside of her. Believing that feeling them would be better than feeling empty.
Now she wants to feel other then that. Feel something good for once and not have it ripped away from the instant she is given it. It seems like the universe likes to tease her like that. Offer something. Give her a moment of joy and peace then violently rip it away from her. Sometimes it feels like she's been falling for so long the ground doesn't scare her anymore.
Her words cause Claire to recoil though. As she clenches her eyes shut once more. "All of it," Claire replies her voice wavering. "I am so sorry for all of it." Purposely Alice looks to the opposite wall further away from her. She doesn't want vagueness. She wants Claire to say sorry for each instance.
Not to drag it out and hurt Claire. She doesn't want that. She just wants to understand where the two of them stand. She can accept her apology for the harsh words. The verbal lashing and breaking down of her character in a moment of her own rage and sorrow. But there was more to this whole ordeal then just that.
At least to her, there was. She just wonders if Claire knows this as well. If not, then... Then she doesn't know. Again, it's not just something to spring on someone. Especially someone in pain.
Yet Claire seems to understand what she needs to hear. Clicking her tongue Claire straighter up. Causing Alice to turn back to the sunset. "Firstly, I want you to know what I said after the Hive was out of line. It was so out of line, and I don't blame you for telling me to fuck off. I deserved more than just that in all honestly. Ever since then, I have been beating myself up over it. Wondering how I could do something like that. Be so vile towards you. I was angry and hurt over Doc but that doesn't excuse what I said. To accuse you of something like that. I'm sorry Alice. I am really really sorry."
"Is that how you see me," Alice asks before Claire could move on to the next part. "An umbrella clone. A tool that went wrong. A... Freak."
She's used that word enough times about herself. Ever since Raccoon City and her powers starting to come into play. She was used to being seen as a freak because she agreed with it. An experiment gone wrong. A monster in human skin. LJ, Angie, Jill, Carlos, Clare and K-Mart were the only people to not see her that way.
At first, they might have been apprehensive, but they got over it quickly and never let what they would call oddities hold back their relationships. Not like over members in Claire's convoy or people she met on the road. She heard the words they whispered when they thought she couldn't hear. Freak, Monster, Devil, Sin against nature. It was never ending. The scrutiny, fear and anger directed towards. Always there. In the way they looked at her, talked to her acted around her. Always waiting for the moment, she snapped and killed everyone.
She tried to not let it bother her. The way parents would shield their kids from her. The way hands always rested next to their guns just in case. It took a toll on her until she figured it was best to be on her own. With Umbrella looking for her as well it just seemed better to hide away on her own. To not deal with other people. Coming to help when needed but vanishing just as quickly before they could turn on her.
She knows the story of Frankenstein's monster. How they hunted it down with pitchforks and torches. She didn't want to hurt people. But she didn't want to die either. She couldn't suffer if she was dead. And she deserved that. To suffer. The world has been destroyed and billions were killed and ripped apart because of her. Because she failed. She didn't deserve to live but death would have been the easy way.
No matter how tempting it seemed in her darkest hours. How sometimes she would put her pistol to the side of her head wondering if a single bullet would be enough or if her shotgun would be a better idea.
In those moments she was always so close. To tempted to just end it all. But then she thought of Lisa and Matt. How they sacrificed their lives to try and bring umbrella down. Of One, JD, Rain, Kaplan, Medic, Warner and Vance. How they never got a chance on how they died. How it was her choices that led to their demise.
How terrified Terri must have been as children ripped her apart. How Peyton spent his whole life looking after people and was losing it knowing his city, and his people were being wiped out and there was nothing he could do to help them. That if they were given a choice they would still fight.
That if she killed herself everyone who has died for her would have died for nothing. As long as she was alive she kept their memory alive. And she could bring them some kind of justice as she waged her war with Umbrella.
Claire venomously denies her words. "You are not a freak Alice. You ever were. Not when you were a superpowered woman, not when you were just immune and not when we found you were a clone. You are so so much more than any of that." Jill has told her that as well. But can she really trust that.
Most people are born without a purpose. They just got lucky. She didn't she was created for a reason. She isn't even sure why. Issac and Alicia never really mentioned why she was created in the first place. Was she meant to be a replacement for Alicia after she passed. An organ donor to keep her alive longer. Why her. Why create her then release her into the wild. Were they testing what clones do on their own. So many unanswered questions. Answers she will never get the answer to now.
Is better to know or not. A question she's still unsure about.
Claire reaches out and takes a hold of one of her hands. Blinking back Alice realises she zoned out as Claire is looking at her worriedly and her fingers are gripping onto the metal pulls so tightly, they have turned white and look like they are about to burst.
"What Umbrella did to you was horrific Alice." Claire starts slowly prying one of Alice's hands free and clasping it with her own. "And I can't even begin to understand how all of this feels to you. But I want you to know I don't care about your origins. Clone or not you are my Alice. The same woman I met in the blazing desert. The same woman who breathed life back into me. Umbrella destroy life. You did the opposite. You made me feel something other than depletion in that desert. You gave me a reason to keep fighting. Because that is who you are. You might have been moulded off of Alicia but you Alice are far more then just a clone of her. You are one of the greatest things to have happened to me. And if I had to suffer through it all again to get to this moment right here. I would do it again in a heartbeat."
Claire sounds so sure. So steadfast in her words that she almost convinces Alice of the same thing.
The sun had entered its final stages of setting now. The sky is darker. Gone were the soft and warm orange glow turning more purple and blue. Dark colours for a darker time of life only to then be renewed again. A never ending cycle. Knowing that she tears her eyes away from the scene to focus on Claire.
Claire reacts to her gaze with surprise quickly melting into a soft warmest expression replacing the feeling of the colours she just thought about. The warmness seeps out of Claire into her filling all those spots she thought were cold and empty. Claire talks about how she brought the red head back to life when in reality it was the opposite. Claire made her believe in people again. Renewed the hope in her life. Made it feel like her heart was no longer something hollow in her chest.
"You spoke about Covetous." Claire continues interlocking their fingers on their joined hands. "And how you felt that with Doc." Despite her best efforts, those words did make her tense a bit. That fear of rejection coming back with strength. Claire sees her walls spring back up but she doesn't falter. "I felt it too."
She did.
Alice's head tilts in confusion the silent question of what do you mean. Claire was jealous of Alice with someone. Who. She hasn't been with anyone since... Spencer. Which in itself is really sad. Maybe she means Luthor. The man made no secret of his attraction towards her but Alice never flirted back with him. How could she when Claire was there. Who could compare. Even without her memories, Claire was a force to be reckoned with. A bright spot in a dark world. There was never a contest. And she thought she made that Claire to the younger woman. In the end, it was Claire she let sleep in her bed at the prison. Not Luthor.
Claire chuckles to herself. Maybe at how Alice couldn't see it. Probably that. "When you showed up back here will Jill." Oh. "The way you two are around each other. It's like sometimes I don't know where one of you begins or the other ends. And I hated it. I hate seeing you two around each other. And I know I have no right to, but I do. Because she is the one who was there for you in your darkest moments. Who consoled you after the Hive. She helped you while I hurt you. And I hate that. Hate that I pushed you away when I should have held you close."
She remembers Jill joking about how Claire looks at the two of them. How she looks at Jill with nothing, but contempt and Jill found it all highly amusing and entertaining. She didn't put much stock in it. Because at the end of the day what did it matter. Claire loved Doc. And Alice was unsure if they could ever recover.
But to hear it from Claire's own lips. That she had the same feelings seeing her with someone else gives her hope. A single flicker of hope she prays won't be smothered out like every time before. The hope that this time it can grow in a large flame lighting up all the dark inside of her.
"You said that I couldn't use you like I did in the desert." Oh, she remembers that. The moment it hit her just how detached the two of them seemed to have become from each other "But I need you to know I didn't use you. Or mean too. I didn't kiss you because of any other reason then the fact that I wanted to. I wanted to kiss you Alice because you meant so much to be and I was tired of pretending you didn't. That the feelings you invoked in me weren't terrifying as they grew strong so quickly. I kissed you because I desired to. Because I wanted you and just you."
Everything inside her comes to a crashing halt. Claire kissed her because she wanted to. Not because she was stressed and looking for some kind of release. Because she wanted Alice as much as Alice wanted her. That it wasn't just sexual desire either. It was emotional. Claire is admitting that there is something between them and Alice wasn't seeing things.
She doesn't breathe after this revelation. Doesn't even blink. Just stares at Claire wide eyed. Her body feeling like she's on a tightrope and Claire is about to push her one way or the other.
Of course, Claire isn't aware of this internal debate as she continues with her no doubt rehearsed a thousand times speech. "When I lost my memories. I had no idea who I was what was happening who Chris or K-Mart were, but I knew you. Not from memories but something about you drew me in. You made me feel safe and loved. I knew I could trust you from the moment I woke up tied to that plane because it was you there Alice. My mind might have forgotten you but my heart never did. And then after the Arcaida everything came back. It was slow but you were always at the forefront of my mind. I knew then what I still know now. When you showed up, I hadn't felt that happy in a long time. I felt complete again. Like my missing piece was back. And I know I messed up things between us because of Doc. But the way I felt him was nothing in comparison to how I felt towards you. How I feel towards you, and I need you to know that. Need you to know that you mean everything to me and that you-
Alice cuts off her rambling speech closing the distance and kissing her. It was risky play, but she couldn't hold back anymore. Everything inside of her was screaming at her to kiss her. To make sure this wasn't some fantastic dream she was living and she would once again wake up in her bed alone and depressed.
Claire was startled for a second before sinking into the kiss. Her hand reaching out to pull Alice closer savouring the moment both of them have been waiting for so long. They smile into the kiss making it slightly difficult but that doesn't stop them from relishing this moment. Claire is the one to deepen the kiss needed to feel more of Alice just as much as Alice does for her.
When they eventually break for air, they remain a breath part refusing to let the other go again. Alice nuzzles her noise again Claire making her giggle. A sound unlike anything Alice has ever heard before but something she needs to hear again and again.
"I love you, Claire," Alice whispers against Claire's lips stealing another soft slow kiss. The words are finally out there. The words she has been dying to say for so long but something else always seemed to get in the way. "You have my heart. Please don't break it again. Promise me you'll never let me go again."
"I love you too Alice." Claire reverently replies eyes shining with so much love Alice can't deny her words. Not when it's so visible to see. "And I promise you I will love you to your bones and never let you feel alone again. I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere. Never again Alice."
She might not know what else the future has in store for her. But right now, she is happy. She has everyone she loves and cares about safe and sound. And this amazing woman shares the same love for her. Their souls are entwined now. Have been for a long time. they were just a little slow at getting to this point. But who cares. She's happy. Claire's happy. What more could she really want in life.