Chapter Twelve: Delayed Collapse
It was just before lunch on Friday, and an opportunity presented itself to me, one that could solve a problem that I had let sit on the backburner for a while now. From my window vantage out into the green space, I saw Amy Dallon eating alone. It was the perfect space to talk to her without being surrounded by chattering gossip-girls.
I made my way down to the cafeteria and through the lunch line at my regular pace - there was no need to rush as she wasn't going anywhere.
As I walked out to her bench, I organized my feelings. Ever since deciding that I should at least try to avert the Red Queen outcome, I'd given thought to how this meeting would go, how I should try to approach her. I was glad to have friends like Jasmine who could be critical of me because my original plan of trying to ingratiate myself to her in order to "fix" her problems was a terrible idea and only likely to end up making the situation worse. No, I didn't think I could fix her problems for her. What Amy really needed was a friend. Like, any friend outside of her sister. And I was willing to try and be that friend.
If that didn't work out? Well, if we really didn't get along, then I would drop it and focus on other areas. I had to give it a shot though. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
There was only one hiccup here - I was not very good at making new friends. Everyone from my current friend group found me first, and we just clicked from there. Now, I had to be the one to reach out.
"Mind if I sit here?" I asked the dour girl.
The look of vehemence she shot me was almost enough to make me give up right then and there.
"That's why I'm sitting out here alone. Because I wanted to be annoyed by some random busybody," she said, voice dripping acid and dark-rimmed eyes glaring daggers.
That was not a great start, but I would not be deterred so easily! I plopped down next to her, careful not to spill my food, and I began eating.
I swallowed a bite of my subpar hamburger, "I'm Sam by the way. Sophomore. I do art club. How about you?"
She ignored me, staring straight ahead and refusing to look in my direction. Another bite of her sandwich disappeared, and the question continued to go unanswered.
Okay, this was going even worse than expected. Was I that bad at this? I couldn't give up yet, so I did the only thing I could think to do - I doubled down on asking about her hobbies. That's how you make friends, right? Sharing interests and stuff?
"What are you doing this weekend? I usually hang out with my friends at the Boardwalk or the mall, but my new internship is taking up a lot of my time, so I'm not sure I'll be able to do that for a couple of weeks. Oh, Lord's Market is nice too. You ever go down there? It makes for a great low budget shopping trip, and-"
"I don't provide healing on request, to you or anyone you ask me to work on. I'm not a goddamn medicine dispenser. If you've got a problem, you can wait at the hospital like everybody else has to," Amy blurted out, speaking over me.
She was scowling intensely at me, but at least she was looking my way now.
"Not here for healing. I promise."
Her scowl didn't abate. If anything, it only deepened. "Then why the hell are you bothering me? I'm not gonna introduce you to Vicky or any of her friends, so you can just leave right now if you're seeking your ticket to popularity."
"Would you believe me if I said that I just wanted to get to know you better?" I put all of my earnesty into my words, hoping that I could break through with sheer candidness.
"No. Leave. Now."
"Well, it's true. You were eating all alone, and I thought you could use a friend."
"What part of 'leave me alone' do you not understand?" she raised her voice, verging on shouting.
Fine, I guess this wasn't meant to be today. Whether she was going through something at the moment or we simply weren't gelling right now, this clearly wasn't the right time. I'd leave her with an open ended invitation and see what happened.
"Okay, okay," I stood up to leave, hoisting my barely touched tray of food, "but if you ever feel like it, you can join me and my friends at our table for lunch."
I was two steps away when I heard Amy speak quietly, just loud enough for me to hear her spiteful words. "Like I'd want to hang out with any of your friends."
I stopped dead in my tracks, frowning. Ignore it, ignore it, ignore it.
I did not ignore it. Rounding on her, I asked waspishly, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe I don't want to waste my time with people who think harassment is A-okay! But I'm sure your actions don't reflect on your pals, hm?"
I will admit that the next words that came out of my mouth were not the smartest I had ever said, but no one who knew me would ever say that Samantha Brown excelled at handling confrontation. I was literally shaking from the fight or flight induced adrenaline coursing through my veins. Not a second was taken to think through my actions.
"What's your problem?" I shouted at her.
Amy snarled, shunting her lunch bag aside and lifting off the bench. "What is my problem? My problem? What's your problem? I was just minding my own damn business when you decided to harrass me! You refused to leave after I made it clear I didn't want you here multiple times! But this is somehow my problem?" She was screeching at me, red in the face and tears gathering in her eyes. Her fists clenched as she breathed in deeply then exhaled slowly in a forcibly controlled manner. "Just- just go."
I left.
Still trembling like a leaf in strong winds, I marched back to the school building while working to get my breathing under control. I was a person who avoided confrontation. Rarely did I let my anger reach that high of a boiling point, and I never snapped at people like that. When she made that comment about my friends though, I just lost control. It wasn't even really so much about them as a jab at me, but I wasn't thinking clearly after the situation had already spiraled out of my control.
Working to calm myself down, I reassessed my actions. Yes, Amy's comment was unwarranted, but so was my rudeness. She told me she didn't want me there, yet I ignored her. Is it any surprise then that she got upset with me? People have bad days, and goodness knows Amy has some very bad days.
Upon reaching the hallway leading to the cafeteria, I realized I didn't have the energy to deal with anyone right now, so I sagged against the wall of lockers. My lack of hunger meant the food tray went cold and forgotten off to my side. I just sat there for a while and thought.
Looking at the situation objectively, I was not entitled to Amy's trust, friendship, or one iota of her time. There lies the problem - I had gone into this expecting a perfect outcome, and in my mind there was no possibility of outright failure. Who the heck did I think I was that I could just walk up to another cape and magically become their confidant?
Introspection was all well and dandy, but it really would have been better if I had a more well thought out approach before entering into this fiasco. I prayed that I hadn't somehow messed everything up for Amy worse than in the alternate timeline, that I wouldn't end up being another straw on the camel's back that contributed to her eventual downfall. The best outcome I could hope for is that she simply forgot about this and moved on.
There wasn't much point in continuing to try and win her over when I had the equivalence of negative relationship points with her. I guess I'd see how I could help with the whole… Leviathan and Slaughterhouse Nine stuff and whether I would make enough of a difference there to prevent Amy from going crazy.
Oh yeah, Leviathan… An endbringer was going to destroy my city… To kill my friends and my new teammates.
It hit me all at once. I didn't try to stop the tears.
This was happening now? The knowledge had been there from the start, but it hadn't felt so terrifyingly real. Endbringers were something that happened to other cities, and, yes, it was very sad, but Brockton Bay would be fine. There's nothing here worth destroying. We'll be alright. Life will go on. They were all the lies we tell ourselves. Lies, and I could claim no excuses to believe them. Nobody was safe, anywhere.
The tears fell freely into my lap. I scrunched up my knees to my face, pretending that I could hide away from the world.
How did I win against a monster like that? What hope did I have of defeating something so much more powerful than me? How could I so boldly claim to be the hero who would save the world when I couldn't even save a single girl from herself?
I must have sat there for longer than I thought, because the bell chimed its too cheerful tune, signaling the incoming flood of students. Not wanting to draw too much extra attention to myself, I rose from my curled sitting position, dumping the uneaten food into the nearest trash can and setting the tray on top.
My friends would be concerned that I hadn't shown up at all during lunch, but I didn't want to deal with that right now. I couldn't deal with anyone right now, so I trudged to the nurse's office, giving her a halfhearted excuse of an upset stomach. She must have taken pity on me after seeing my puffy eyes and the tear tracks staining my cheeks - I got a bed with minimal protest.
Attending my first shift on console duty later would be an effort, but I couldn't flake out so soon after joining the team. I'd force myself to pay attention even if I had to break down completely afterwards. For now, I just needed to recover enough energy to make it through that ordeal.