Summary: What if Cam followed Vala down the corridor after his attempt to reassure her that Adria would keep Daniel alive for the information Merlin downloaded into his mind?
Disclaimer: I don't own the Stargate Franchise. I'm just a fan writing FanFiction.
Cameron couldn't stop himself.
He couldn't keep himself from moving forward, following after Vala down the corridor to wherever her antsy feet were taking her.
This wasn't usually a problem.
He said what he needed to say.
Did his duty as leader.
Hopefully reassuring her Adria needed to keep Daniel alive for the information Merlin downloaded into his mind.
Normally, self-control, self-discipline — the ability to keep calm, not allow emotions to get the better of him — were right up his alley.
It was the military, good-boy soldier way. It was who he was through and through.
No emotions allowed.
Keep in line.
Remain focused on the task at hand.
Make no real connections with your team beyond the typical care of their safety and well-being. Care about them as colleagues but don't-under-any-circumstances-allow-anything-more.
Just like he told her earlier that day. It's part of what being a team was. Watching each other take risks with their lives for the greater good without intervening.
Emphasising. . . No. Emotions. Allowed.
It's why he kept himself at arms length with everyone.
It's why he made sure to keep the air light but firm when needed — made jokes, shared surface details and kept the 'good boy from Kansas ' charm up as much as possible, but no one got to know anything deeper. Every now and again he would slip, but, like a good soldier, he always drew the inner wall up even further.
It was for their safety. It was for them . . .and for his own heart.
It's what leaders did.
They led from the front.
Cam made sure to be the leader who never put someone in harm's way because of his own feelings towards a situation.
Hell, nothing they did was fair. Nothing they did was necessarily what he wanted. But what he wanted was thrown out the window the moment he signed up for the Air Force all of those years ago.
Yeah.
Well. . .
All that was good-and-dandy, and how he normally responded to situations like this one. . .
But not this time.
That clearly went out the window after this last mission.
This one.
Why was this one any different than the last?
Oh. Yeah. Right.
He paid attention, as he always did. . . but this time was different.
She was . . . different.
Or maybe she'd always been like this but having the team badges she now had — being trusted to be part of something more than herself, having a purpose — was drawing to the surface an even more real version of Vala than any of them truly had been given the chance to see.
Maybe what his grandma always said was true: Everybody's just looking for a place to belong.
Grandma swore by that saying. She always said you could tell if a person was secure in their place or tell if they were looking for it by their actions.
Cam never believed his grandma more than now.
Thinking about Vala on this last mission. Their Quest for the Sangreal. . . all she did the entire time was try and find a way to be useful — whether the execution of her desire to be 'part of the team' truly helped them in any way. . . was something he wouldn't allow his mind to explore now.
But from the moment they arrived, she was ready.
Ready to solve riddles. Yeah. Right. . . . . . but the sentiment of her action applied.
Ready to name Daryl and run toward his literal dragon-breathing line of fire.
Ready to help Daniel.
Ready to save Daniel from himself. . .Yeah, that conversation sucked.
Ready to die at the hands of Adria. Cam watched. Vala hadn't even moved. Maybe she didn't believe her kid would actually throw the energy of fire in her direction. But she still didn't move.
Ready to go back and rescue Daniel from Adria. . . Yeah, that conversation sucked too.
But regardless, Vala showed her true nature on this mission. . . or at least, another part of her.
And Cam noticed.
He noticed.
And that's all she ever wanted.
He knew it was why she did the things she did.
Vala longed for attention.
Only now. . . she was directing that energy into something useful. Into being a member of SG-1. And with a little more work, she had potential of being a damn great addition who he could truly come to count on.
It's why his feet were moving on their own volition.
Why he couldn't bring himself to stop following her and finally. . .
"Vala!" He sped up to her now, running until he caught up to where she was in the corridor. "Wait."
She turned in his direction. Though, he took notice of how she would not look him in the eyes. It seemed to be a thing she did when she was uncomfortable or trying to avoid reprimand or being caught or maybe even feeling emotions and not wanting to seem weak. . . regardless of what it was, he noticed it was something she did.
He stopped in front of her. His head bobbed a bit to finally catch her gaze.
Her own attention settled and their eyes locked.
She looked sad.
And for the third time. . . he actually saw her. The first had been when he'd had to put her in her place to allow Daniel to do what he needed to do for the team. The second was a few moments ago when he tried to reassure her that Daniel would be okay. And the third. . .now.
"What?" Her brows rose along with her widening eyes, as if she was saying. . . 'can you get on with it and let me go? '
"I meant what I said."
"Okay." She shrugged her shoulders.
Cam didn't say anything in response. He just stared at her, waiting. Because he knew Vala enough to know by now that if she wasn't talking (which was rare) she was actually upset, and it took a moment for her to open up. Though, it was usually Jackson who stepped in during those times to comfort her.
There was a silence between the two of them for a long moment.
Cam kept his eyes on her.
She looked around a little more before releasing a huff and staring at him with those sad eyes.
"I know you all believe me to be—" Her hands came up to her hips and she let out a laugh as her lips curled into a smile. But it wasn't a happy smile. He knew it wasn't. Her attention drew upwards, and their eyes locked again. "—this sexy, wonko—" Her hands moved about to imply what he believed to be 'crazy' . " —space travelling—oh, what was the word Sam told me—" She paused. " — Right! Badarse ! — Sexy, wonko, space travelling badarse!"
Yeah. Wonko didn't quite cover it.
Cam suddenly regretted running after her.
His head tilted slightly and his eyes squinted along with his brows furrowing as if to imply, that is not what he was thinking at all.
"—and let's be honest, darling — about the 'sexy space travelling badarse ' part — because, I absolutely am. Not to mention, great with a weapon, and the only one on this team who knows how to properly accessorise!" Vala flashed him a wink and now balanced herself on her hip, allowing it to stick out. Though she was being playful, there was an air of sadness in her usual peppy, playful tone.
He wanted to walk away.
He really wanted to walk away and forget he said anything. Because though there was an air of sadness, she was babbling. Babbling about things and missing the point of what he was saying. . . or so he believed until Vala's stance changed and the seriousness returned to her features.
"Despite what you all believe, Mitchell. . ." Her entire aura grew quieter and she almost appeared small, or, rather, not the larger than life team member she usually hid herself behind faded. "I do care."
He didn't argue with her about the first bit. There were times—primarily in the past — she'd made it hard for them to believe she actually gave a damn about anyone but herself. And there was a time where he believed it to be true. But now, she was opening up more and showing the truth of who she was. So he responded with what he'd seen—with what her actions had shown.
"I know."
His eyes didn't leave hers.
He watched Vala.
She blinked a few times and turned her head slightly to the right. Her eyes remained on him. She looked sceptical, as if she was reading him to see if he was actually being serious.
When he remained quiet, she cleared her throat. He watched as her throat bobbed up and down, implying a nervous swallow.
Vala looked down for another beat, and when their eyes locked again, Cam saw the tears in her own.
She looked like a lost puppy. A puppy whose favourite toy had been taken away and she didn't know what to do with herself.
But it was deeper than that. And he knew it.
"He saved my life."
"I know." Cam returned the same words as before. Because he wanted her to let out whatever it was she needed to release. This wasn't about him or his words of comfort. This was about her being set free of whatever it was that was keeping her from getting her head on straight so they could start an actual productive search for Jackson.
And. . .maybe it was because. . . there was a little part of him . . . or maybe a bigger part than he cared to admit. . . that hated seeing her hurting. It was that part of him that had feelings beneath the surface. That part of him that had emotions. That part of him that wanted to get to know this woman who infuriated the crap out of him one moment and completely intrigued him the next.
But he couldn't.
Because of his inner moral honour code of being a leader who led without emotion . . . and there was something going on with her and Daniel.
And there was that code.
The bro code.
A bro didn't mess with another bros chick — even if the other bro didn't know that she was his chick and was too stubborn to act on it.
The tears in Vala's eyes welled up now. There was one that was threatening to fall down her cheek. Cam had half of a mind to step forward and be the gentleman ready to wipe it away.
But he stayed put.
He watched as she seemed to grow annoyed with him. She moved her head in a way that made him believe she was waiting for him to say something—to reprimand her, give her an order, something. But he didn't.
She released another huff and continued, "I can't just stand here and do nothing."
"I know."
"It's not in my nature." She persisted, almost as if she was trying to egg him on. She began to pace back and forth, pointing her finger at him as if she was teaching him a lesson—one he already knew "I'm a go-out-there-and-do-something kind of space travelling badarse!" Her voice raised in octaves.
"I know." He remained calm. In place. Determined to reach his resolve . . .setting her free of herself.
"Stop saying, 'I know '." Her tone was harsh that time. It was clear he was hitting a nerve.
He stopped and stared at her, watching as she moved. She truly couldn't stay still. He had a theory that this inability to stay still was why she was always bored. If she stayed still, she was left with her thoughts. And if she was left with her thoughts, she was forced to deal with them.
Who was calling the kettle black, now? He was the same way. But his response was "get the team together for a fun adventure" or "go off base and be human".
Vala didn't have that luxury. She was at the mercy of the SGC telling her when she could leave base and General Landry and the other members of SG-1 telling her when there was a mission. No wonder she was crazy. Yeah. Right. That was the reason why. . .
Vala stopped her pacing. She stood directly before him once more and stared.
The air around them grew silent, and by the look on her face — the way it contorted into that sad puppy once more. . .the way her eyes ached with sadness in a way that almost made his own walls come crashing down.
He watched as the tears in her eyes grew, and the one begging to fall was shaking at her eyelid. That had to burn.
"It's my fault." Vala paused. Almost as if she was waiting. . . waiting for him to say, 'I know ,' he believed.
But he wouldn't.
When Cam didn't say anything in response, it was clear she hesitated but kept going.
"Adria." Her eyes closed at the mention of her daughter's name. And that's when the welling tear finally fell down her cheek. "She was aiming for me."
There it was.
The truth.
When Vala opened her eyes, though Cameron still witnessed a deep, agonising sadness. . . he also noticed exhaustion and a crippling disappointment. He couldn't even imagine how she felt. Bringing a baby into the world against her will only to have it taken and become the enemy.
"And now she's got the one person—Daniel."
I know. Cam thought it, but he didn't say it.
What he was thinking was far more than a mere response of 'I know '. He felt the weight of her daughter's name on her lips. He felt the weight of the reality that her own kid — as whacked in the head as she was, it was still her kid — had attempted to kill her. He felt the weight of the burden of Daniel's capture. The pair of them were always fighting, but there was something about Daniel that kept Vala chasing after him, and there was something about Vala that kept Daniel from giving up on her.
Like a good leader. . .he felt his teammate's pain.
But it was more than that.
Damn it.
Damn it. It was more than that.
Cam could kick himself for it. This was Daniel's chick — even if he wouldn't admit it.
Silence filled the air around them. There was nothing he could say that would take her pain away. She was a woman who didn't shut up most days, but deep down, she was more than that. She was a woman of action.
Words didn't mean much.
Actions did.
Though, the only thing he could think to do was one of the things he sucked at. Hugs. Hugging. Affection. It wasn't his bag. Maybe it could be, if he tried hard enough to break down the exterior wall, but that would go against everything the military had taught him over the years.
Ah hell, Mitchell. What have ya gotten yourself into?
Cameron let out a very quiet sigh as he stepped forwards. Vala looked confused at first before it was clear she realised what he was doing, and he was grateful she didn't fight it. Because the last thing he needed was more awkward than it already was. His arms slowly came up to wrap around her small frame, pulling her into his chest and resting his chin on top of her head. The expression on his face was unsure. His blue eyes were filled with doubt that this was the right thing. He was actually perspiring at how uncomfortable he was.
If anyone was watching this moment, it would be clear he looked as if he was in pain, uncomfortable, but trying.
There was a part of him that wanted to be good at this sort of thing. But the military didn't allow it. She wasn't in the military, so he made the exception of the moment.
Vala wrapped her arms around him in return. And if he could see her, he would see her eyes looking upwards as if she could feel his apprehension.
"This isn't your forte, is it, darling?"
"Not even in the slightest."
Cam felt her body rumble slightly as a soft chuckle escaped her lungs. He returned the gesture with a soft laugh of his own. His lips curled into a smile. And something about her ability to make light of the moment helped him to relax. He felt like an idiot. He was meant to be the one comforting her, but instead. . .she was comforting him. . .
. . . or maybe it was both. . .
He thought she would've pulled away by now, but she didn't. And he figured she would've thought the same about him, but something kept him there. Holding her.
When they finally did break apart, their eyes locked and it was as if the entire world around them stood still. Nothing else existed in that moment but him and Vala.
Cameron watched as Vala's head tilted to the side and her eyes studied him a moment. He looked at her with a slight grin. His own expression almost saying, 'what?'
Before he knew it, she was half smiling now and then leaning in with parted lips. Her eyes slowly closing . . . and, against his better judgement, he was doing the same.
He didn't even know what to do with himself the moment their lips softly touched. He felt his eyes close and his heart begin to race, and nothing else mattered. It was as if he became the dog in that moment, and she was his bone.
The bone he'd been digging through the yard for years in search for . . . only to find it had been right under his nose from the time he arrived at the SGC.
His grip tightened on her back, and he was just about to deepen the kiss. . . allow himself further down the rabbit hole of no return when. . . he remembered where he was. Who he was. . .whose girl this was. . . and he pulled away.
Vala was grinning when he did, grinning like that school girl she always turned into when she was around Daniel, trying to get his attention.
Daniel.
Daniel's chick.
Bro code.
Jackson.
The task at hand.
Why he'd come running after her in the first place.
Soldier.
Honour code.
No emotion.
Get it together, Cam.
Cameron cleared his throat. He looked around, blinking and catching his bearings. He was in the middle of the corridor in an Air Force base. There were cameras everywhere. If someone wasn't watching, someone else was watching.
He wiped his face with his hand and then ran his fingers through his hair.
There were no words.
Though her grin faded now, and her eyes were staring into his. Now that stare made him weak at the knees, putty in her hands. But instead of her usual flirty gesture, she stood there with a more genuine smile spread across her lips. He was actually shocked she hadn't made one of her infamous and inappropriate quips by now or at the very least made a scene for any onlookers to see.
And if he knew any better, it was almost as if her eyes were saying what her lips (for the first time ever in one of these moments) were not, for which he was grateful, 'Thank you'.
"Don't mention it." He quietly and audibly said without thinking before speaking.
Though, the moment she stepped forward, Vala let out a small little sound between a giggle and a snicker, "Mm."
She ran her hand under his chin and flashed him a wink, before just as quickly linking arms with him and turning in the other direction.
"So about Daniel," she began, going about business as usual, walking back down the hall towards what he assumed would be Daniel's office to look for clues and rejoin the others.
Cameron didn't know if she was doing it for herself — to remind herself to get back on track (which wasn't like her)— or as a way of protecting him from any staring eyes, whether those walking down the many halls or monitoring the hundreds of cameras on base. It wasn't like her, he thought. But there was a lot he was learning about who she was beneath the walls she kept up.
Actions spoke. His to her and hers to him. Actions showed the security of one's place, as his grandma always said.
He didn't know how she had the ability to bounce back as if nothing happened. It was a skill. But she seemed. . .well, it seemed their moment. . .may have grounded her. Cam put that in the back of his mind. Kept it there for later. He wouldn't forget.
And what he did know, which went against everything in his nature and who he was trained to be, was he never wanted a day to go by where he didn't kiss her.
Damn. He'd stepped in it. He'd stepped in it real good.
And there was no way out now. Not after that.
Though, instead of thinking about how damn good it felt to have her lips against his, Cameron focused on Daniel.
Finding Daniel. Finding Daniel and everything would go back to normal.
Yeah. Right.
Damn it.