Hey there! So I got really bored and decided to write another of the many ideas in my list of shit to write. I wrote this from 12am to 5am with no sleep prior, so don't questions the absolute madness that is this chapter. It's kind of supposed to be chaotic. Anywho, enjoy the first chapter of Awkward Interactions!
Awkward Interactions: Chapter 1 – THE PLAN
"Hey, Rukia, I'm bored, and I have an idea."
"Deal with it and stop annoying me. I have work to do."
"But Rukia-"
"No. I have work. Now go away."
Renji huffed and crossed his arms, tapping his foot impatiently. He waited for Rukia to look up from her paperwork and listen to him, but as it turns out, Kuchikis were incredibly stubborn, proven by Byakuya's exact same attitude when he was working. And so, he ended up standing there for a full 10 minutes before Rukia finally sighed and looked up.
"Fine, what is your genius idea."
Renji grinned like the cat that ate the canary and Rukia suddenly regretted asking.
"We should get everyone in on a plan on how to make Ichigo feel awkward in the best ways possible. It'll be glorious."
Rukia contemplated the idea for a tick. On one hand, she had paperwork to do. On the other hand, the paperwork wasn't all that important at the moment, and she was deathly bored as well.
"You know what, that actually does sound kind of funny. I'm in."
"In on what?" Asked Byakuya, who had suddenly opened the door and entered the room.
Renji turned to tell Byakuya his genius idea. The man flinched back minutely at seeing the grin on his lieutenant's face, wondering just what kind of havoc he was about to wreak upon some poor soul.
"We're going to get everyone to come up with a plan on how to make Ichigo feel awkward," Renji informed, wondering if the captain would join in on the plan. Probably not, but it didn't hurt to hope.
"Sounds intriguing. I shall aid you in your plan, Renji, Rukia," Byakuya said with a nod.
Rukia's jaw dropped in sheer shock, whilst Renji just looked even more happy. "Great! Come on Rukia, we gotta recruit more people!" He grabbed the petite Soul Reaper around the waist and promptly vanished in a burst of shunpo, leaving Byakuya to stand alone in the room and reflect on his likely stupid choice.
o0o
Orihime hummed happily as she flitted around the kitchen and prepared lunch for that day; sausages with egg, mustard, bean baste, and a side of rice. Delicious.
A knock at her door interrupted her, though, and she looked towards it. She called out "Coming!" and rushed to the door, opening it to see who was there. To her surprise, it was Renji and Rukia, the former grinning mischievously and the latter looking a bit miffed.
"Renji? Rukia? What are you doing here?" She asked confusedly.
"We're gathering people for a plan to make Ichigo feel awkward, you wanna help?" Renji asked.
Orihime blinked. "Oh, um… sure, I suppose."
"Awesome. Let's go, we have more people to get!" The jovial lieutenant exclaimed, disappearing from Orihime's doorstep.
Rukia pinched the bridge of her nose. "Sorry about this Orihime. It was probably a bit unexpected."
"Oh, no, it's okay! I'm not doing much at the moment, anyway!"
Rukia chuckled and smiled lightly. "Alright, if you're sure. Well, we'd best be going to find where Renji went. He's probably going all over town to find people for this absurd plan of his."
Orihime nodded, picking up some shoes from beside the door and slipping them on. "Alright. I wonder who else he's going to get?"
"Who knows. Probably the whole town, knowing him." Rukia chuckled at the thought of hundreds of people crammed into a small room, all chatting away about malicious schemes.
Orihime laughed as well. "Hopefully not."
About an hour later, everyone for the plan had been assembled in a small park in Karakura Town. The group consisted of Renji Abarai, Rukia Kuchiki, Byakuya Kuchiki, Uryu Ishida, Yoruichi Shihouin, Kisuke Urahara, Kon (in plushie form) Orihime Inoue, Karin Kurosaki, Yuzu Kurosaki, Isshin Kurosaki, a random old Quincy guy called Yhwach, Shinji Hirako (surprisingly), Hiyori Sarugaki (more surprising), Sosuke Aizen (even more surprising. Nobody knew how Aizen got there given he was supposed to be in the Muken, but they didn't question it after he informed them that he had heard of their plan and decided to join in for amusement purposes), and the most surprising, Ichigo himself. Except it wasn't Ichigo, but his inner hollow taking over his spiritual body to join in on the fun.
Everyone was pretty shocked when they encountered Ichigo with a hollow mask half-covering his face and hanging upside down on a tree branch in the park where he was taking everyone for the meeting.
"Uhhh… Ichigo?" Renji asked, raising an eyebrow at the ginger above him.
"Not Ichigo," he replied, smiling in a creepy way that further proved that statement, given Ichigo almost never smiled.
"…" Renji was silent for a moment. "If you're not Ichigo, who are you?"
"His awesome evil twin."
"So you're his inner hollow."
"Or that, yeah."
Renji sighed. "I'm so confused right now."
"Ya should be. Hehehe…"
All in all, it was weird. But they had gotten used to it.
"COME 'ERE, YA STUPID SQUIRREL! IMMA PUT YER HEAD IN A BLENDER!" Shiro, as he was officially nicknamed, yelled, chasing a squirrel through the trees like a madman with Zangetsu in hand.
Well, they were relatively used to it. There was still plenty of confusion and contemplation on his state of mind though.
Renji cleared his throat to gather everyone's attention, ignoring the crashes and enraged yells behind him. "So, we all know why we're here, so I'll get straight to the point. Who has an idea?"
Everyone raised a hand.
Renji sighed internally. "Alright, we'll go one person at a time. Yoruichi?"
Yoruichi grinned. "Nudity. Anything in that category."
Renji nodded. "Great, first idea down. Kon?"
"Do fun and totally not illegal things in his body when he's out fighting that he'll have to explain to people."
"Neat. Captain?"
"Ask him about his inner hollow."
Said inner hollow suddenly popped into existence beside Byakuya, freaking the man out. "I heard someone mention me?"
Renji called, "Yeah, we did. While you're actually in the conversation, you got any ideas?"
Shiro hummed. "Yep. Talk ta him abou' tha difference between kings and horses. Or talk ta him abou' how he actually does like fightin' and just runs away from 'is feelings. Or talk abou' instincts. Any a' those work. Okay, goodbye!" He then disappeared again.
They were now all wondering how Ichigo managed to stay sane with that guy in his head all the time.
"Well, some good suggestions there. Orihime?"
"Compliment him! Or thank him for something!"
"Why would that make him feel awkward?"
"Because he's not used to it."
"Well that's a bit odd, but okay. Rukia?"
"Sleep in his closet."
"Yeah, that makes sense. That would be creepy for anyone. Karin?"
"Say that he has a social life. With girls."
Most of Ichigo's close friends snickered, knowing that he would be very flustered – and irritated – by that.
"You, old guy. You're up," Renji continued, pointing to Yhwach.
"Call him 'son'. And my name is Yhwach, not old guy."
Renji decided he wouldn't try and pronounce his name. "Okay then, interesting idea. Next, Yuzu."
"Talk about what he did as a child! It's bound to make him feel awkward. Either that or annoyed. Then again, he's always annoyed in some shape or form."
"I'm definitely filming that," Renji laughed, deciding that he'd try and film all of them in order to show other people and replay the moments in the future. "Shinji?"
"Talk about his hollow form from when he was training with us Vizards. He looked kinda funny, minus trying to kill us part and the weird grey worm thing he had. Now that was just weird."
"Well excuse you," Shiro grumbled from his perch on the tree nearby. His face was completely covered by the hollow mask at that point, and the skin on his upper body was almost all white. But nobody noticed, since he hadn't spoken loud enough for anyone to hear him and thus nobody looked his way.
"Not sure how a hollow form could be funny but it sounds like a good idea. Isshin?"
The jovial man smiled and looked more than happy to contribute. "As Ichigo's dear old dad, I have the best opportunities to make him feel awkward. I could chaperone a class trip, hang out with his friends while he's still there and show them his adorable baby photos, tell awesome dad jokes; just be myself, honestly!"
"Perfect. Hey, wait, Ichigo has baby photos?" Renji blinked and nearly burst out laughing at the idea of Ichigo being a tiny chubby infant with fluffy orange hair. "I gotta see that."
"Ah, yes, we fathers can always make our sons feel awkward," Yhwach commented with a nod.
Isshin – along with everyone else, them in confusion and Isshin bafflement – turned to Yhwach. "Sorry, what?"
"Well, since I am the origin point of all Quincies, Ichigo is technically my great-great-great-great- I think you get the point- grandson. Thus my words."
Everyone was silent.
"Ichigo's a Quincy?!" Uryu exclaimed in utter shock.
"Now he's just the ultimate hybrid," Rukia added, with a hint of humour.
Isshin cleared his throat. "That aside, he's not actually your son, you know. At all."
"…I have the jokes though," Yhwach protested.
"Um… right. This is weird," Renji mumbled. "Moving on! Hiyori!"
"Make him use the Hiyori Super Trainer again!"
Shinji raised an eyebrow. "You mean that stupidly named exercise machine?"
"Yeah! And it's not stupid!"
"Yes it-"
Renji facepalmed. "Hey, chill out. We're not fighting here. Anyway, Aizen?"
"Surprise chest touching. Works on anyone, really."
Renji stared at Aizen for a moment, so did everyone else, before he shrugged. "Eh, worth a try. Kisuke?"
Kisuke opened his fan in front of his face as he always did. "Despite being an incredibly powerful soul reaper, Ichigo is still a grumpy hormonal teenager. I find that dorky hats and activation phrases work splendidly!"
"Well he does seem to get embarrassed when he has to say something odd. Alright, Uryu! Your turn."
"Suggest that he be sent to an asylum because of his odd behaviour. Being able to see ghosts, constantly disappearing from class, hearing voices, and fainting all the time is pretty concerning you know. Then if he actually gets sent to one, get the soul reapers to annoy him while he's there."
"Wait, didn't that already happen a little while ago?" Karin asked. "Minus the soul reapers annoying him part."
Renji was astonished. "He got put in an asylum?"
Uryu was surprised too. "Well damn. Guess my idea really would work," he whispered.
"Yeah, he did, about a month ago. He was stuck there for 3 weeks before Dad convinced them to let him go. I think Ichigo is a bit traumatised from that experience."
The crimson-haired lieutenant shook his head in disbelief. Well, that was surprising. He never expected someone to think Ichigo was actually insane. On second thought, he kind of was, so it made sense how that happened. "Interesting. I'm definitely going to ask him about that when I get a chance. So, I'm assuming that's all from everyone?"
A wave of yeses and other variations of it ran through the group.
"Great. Well, in that case, the plan starts tomorrow. We'll do one or two of the suggestions each day until we run out. I'll be the one filming each one, so its up to you guys to enact the plan. Got it?"
Another round of affirmations from the crowd.
"Great. I'll tell everyone who needs to be where on what day to do the plan, but for now, you can all go." He then paused and looked around as the crowd dispersed and most people disappeared apart from two people (Uryu and Orihime), frowning as he noticed that someone was missing. "Hey, where's Ichigo? Sorry, his inner hollow. Shiro. Whatever, just where did he go?"
He flinched as he felt a hand hit the back of his head and he turned around to yell at whoever did it. He stopped though, completely frozen, as he came face-to-face with a humanoid hollow emitting an enormous amount of spirit energy.
"Boo," the hollow said, poking Renji on the forehead with a clawed finger. "Did I scare ya?"
Renji looked the hollow over, noting the appearance of it. White skin, red tufts of fur around the ankles, wrists, and neck, menacing horns extending from the temples, soul reaper shihakusho, long carrot-orange hair- wait, hang on. Could this seriously be… "Ichigo?"
The hollow huffed and crossed its arms. "How many times do I have ta say this? NOT Ichigo."
"So it is you. Or at least a part of you," Renji breathed. He quickly shook himself out of his shock and frowned. "Dude, you scared me half to death! Why do you look so creepy?"
He extended a hand and poked the red fur on his collarbone, surprised at how soft it was. "And what's with the fur?"
"Renji, don't! He might attack you!" Uryu exclaimed from behind him, rushing forward and pulling Renji back, much to Shiro's amusement and the lieutenant's confusion.
"What, why? Aren't you just being paranoid?" Renji inquired. Uryu shook his head vehemently.
"That thing," he gestured to Shiro's overall appearance. "Stabbed me!"
"My bad. Tha' wasn't really me though, I was in Ichigo's inner world arguin' with him and watchin' him struggle ta get his body back under control. Don' blame me," Shiro deadpanned with a shrug.
Renji nearly choked. "Sorry, what?! You got stabbed by him?"
"Yeah, while he was mutilating Ulquiorra's body and cero-ing it to kingdom come," Uryu muttered with venom, sending a glare at Shiro. He merely shrugged again and sat on the grass, laying down on it as if everything was fine. Uryu sighed. "Look, the point is, that form is incredibly unstable and dangerous. So be careful what you do and say."
"You do realise last time this happened, neither Ichigo or me were in control? It was just pure instinct. So I'm not gonna try and kill ya unless I wanna." Shiro explained, staring at the sky. "Chill, four-eyes."
Uryu deflated at the explanation and visibly bristled at the insult. "Tch, whatever."
Orihime, who was behind the 3 and just watching in astonishment, piped up. "Well, um… I should go now. I haven't had lunch yet, and I probably should," she said, waving to them as she turned around. "Bye Uryu, Renji, Ichi- sorry, Shiro. I'll see you guys later!"
She left the park swiftly, and the 3 males were the only ones left.
Renji walked away from the still stunned Uryu and over to Shiro who was currently tracing patterns in the ground with a black claw. "Hey, Shiro. You should probably give Ichigo his body back now that we're done the meeting."
He rolled onto his back to face Renji and gave him a quizzical look. It then changed to a resigned one and he sighed. "Yeah, I suppose. Well, it was nice meeting you, pineapple. Adios."
Before Renji could protest against the nickname, all the hollow features on his body disappeared into blue particles, and the normal form of Ichigo was left on the grassy ground, seemingly asleep. After a moment, he sat up with a gasp and looked around, scowling as usual but in a confused manner instead of annoyance.
"Hey, what the hell? I could've sworn I was inside." He looked up at Renji and sprung up, punching him in the stomach. "What the hell, Renji! Why am I in the middle of a park when I should be at home, catching up on sleep!"
Renji stumbled back, clutching his stomach as he came up with a decent lie. "Whoah, calm down man! You must have forgotten, but you came out here to fight a hollow, but Uryu and I got to it first, so you fell asleep on the ground instead as soon as you got here. You must have been pretty tired. Get more sleep, idiot."
Ichigo rolled his eyes grumpily. "Yeah, I know." He started walking past Renji, then Uryu, going onto the sidewalk and travelling in the direction of his house. "See you around, guys. I'm going back home so I can sleep in a proper bed."
"Bye," Renji called.
"Whatever," Uryu muttered, pushing his glasses up his nose with his middle finger and looking to Renji. "I'll be going now. Goodbye, Renji. Contact me when I am needed for the plan." He waved briefly and walked off as well.
Renji smiled as he was alone, opening a Senkaimon in front of him to go back to the Soul Society. "This is going to be fun," he laughed and took a step towards the blinding light.
"Look out, Ichigo. The next week of your life is going to be hell."
He stepped into the Senkaimon and it shut behind him, the echoing thud of the doors closing resonating in the empty park. Somewhere on the streets, a certain orange-haired teenager sneezed, and a sense of foreboding sent a chill down his spine. He shrugged it off as some strange symptom of sleep deprivation, and just kept walking as if he would be fine, and it was nothing to worry about.
If only he knew.
Hey again! So I decided that yes, this chapter and everything in it is absolute crack (mainly the stuff that would never actually happen in canon Bleach (Aizen and Yhwach turning up), or never DID happen (like the asylum thingo)) but I don't care because it's my story and I can make it as weird as I want. So yep. Got a problem with it? Don't read in the first place. :D
Have a great day!
- L1mer1ck