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(Ruby PoV)
I missed Weiss and Cloud. Sure I had Blake and my older sister but I constantly felt like the third wheel to that whenever we hung out. And they tried hard to make me not feel that way. They invited me out to get dinner with them and they always asked if I wanted to train with them. Going out and getting a desert with them was nice but I didn't have my thing. My thing. My set up. My get together. My trio.
"Where you headed, Ruby?" Yang asked me.
"To the headmaster's office. I need to submit my resignation."
"You're leaving, then? For Vale?" Blake asked.
"Not right away. Probably not even this week or the next. But yeah. I am. Do you blame me?"
"You're hurting without them. I hate to see you like this. You were hurting when Cloud left and it was just team RWBY. Now that Weiss is gone you're hurting even more. I don't know what I want for you, Ruby, but it isn't this. I want you to be really happy and Cloud and Weiss make you really happy. So no. I don't blame you. But I am going to miss you," Yang said.
"Yang, I'm not leaving yet. There's still time. But you and Blake will stay here? Keep up the good work and fighting the good fight against Salem?"
"We will. And you fight her your own way too. I think that's the best way to resist her and fight against this world. Just live a good life anyways despite how dark it gets at times."
"The act of rebellion," Blake agreed. "It's subtle but it's true. And it doesn't really matter how you rebel against evil and suffering just so long as you are."
"Thank you…" I mumbled. "Thank you both. And I know you don't really approve so much of Cloud but-"
"It's your choice. It always was. I'm sorry if I ever got in the way of that at all. I'm sorry for how I overreacted in Mistral when I walked in on you two. It was your decision to make. And I tried to get in the way of that to protect you. I was wrong to step in like that. I was wrong to not support your decisions no matter what they were. That's my job, you know?"
"He isn't like Adam was. He never was. Except for that drive they both have. They were both starving in their own ways. But you'll set him straight and help him. I could never do that for Adam. Guide him. And in the end he brought about his own destruction. I hope you can learn a lesson from me, Ruby. I hope you can learn how to set him straight when he wavers and emotionally support him so he never falls from grace again. Because if he falls again I think that just about might do it for him," Blake lectured.
"No pressure though. You've got this."
"I'm not leaving yet. There will be more time for parting advice. You don't have to say goodbyes now. And we'll definitely see each other again even after I do leave."
One thing was true though. Cloud wasn't like Adam. Or if he was it was only the good parts of Adam. I didn't know those good parts. But Blake did. Everybody had good parts. Everybody. Maybe that was the optimist in me but I couldn't help but focus on those good parts. It… blinded me to the rage in Cloud's heart. I couldn't see the red flags with my rose tinted lenses. They just looked like flags. And his rage and anger almost destroyed him. He almost lost who he truly was to it. And I liked those glimpses into who he truly was that I had always been getting ever since Beacon. He was hardworking. He was honest. He was flexible in his actions but he had a drive to see the job he was focusing on get done. He was going to be an excellent father. Just like Weiss was going to be a wonderful mother. Even if they both didn't know it. They would. They'd surprise themselves.
I worked hard for that trio I was a part of. I worked hard to make Cloud and Weiss work and it turns out they hadn't really needed me to. I worked hard to make Weiss feel like I belonged to her. I worked hard on Cloud for… well, so long that it was a part of me. I worked hard to help him ever since Pyrrha died. I worked hard to take care of him when he was constantly putting his life on the line and chasing my enemies around Anima. He worked hard for me.
Was it so wrong for me to want what I had built up? I built this. It was mine. And without it I was empty. I was bored. And Yang and Blake and Penny were great but they weren't a substitute for these other needs I had. And I had other needs. Sexual ones, yeah, sure, whatever. How about a kiss or a piggyback ride on Cloud's back? How about Weiss hitting me with a hard eye roll and a sideways smile just for me? How about that? How about just a hug from Weiss and a taste of her creamy aura? How about a touch of that wire that was Cloud's? Why not? Why? Not?
I missed them. I missed them both. And it was a little hard not to be jealous of the two of them together now. Had Cloud been jealous of Weiss and I together? Probably not. But I hope we were on his mind a bit. Was it so wrong of me to want a hit of their aura? I missed those special flavors that melded so good. Custard-Weiss and torched-sugar-Cloud together they made a crème brûlée that was so smooth going down and so refreshing.
And yes, I could also use a dose of 'the sex.' Weiss's lips on mine or Cloud inside me. I could use some of that to help me unwind. Weiss could pin me down and ride me and Cloud could lift my skirt and bend me over pretty much whatever he wanted.
"Hey Cloud! Want to see me grab my ankles?!"
Yeah. Bait him out and tease him. Make him really want me until he just devoured me. And I'd give Weiss those little whiney mewls that I knew drove her crazy. It made her want me. And I'd scrunch up my eyes at her and she would do all sorts of things to draw my body out and make me whimper.
And Cloud had agreed to have kids with me!
A big family like I always wanted. An enormous sprawling tree that I was just a branch of. Between Weiss, me, and Cloud and all the kids I wanted our family would be gigantic. Bigger than even in my wildest dreams. And Cloud and Weiss both had safe jobs. I could give up hunting for a while and just raise my babies. My babies. My babies with Cloud and Weiss.
He had agreed! He agreed to make me a mother and give me his children! Yeah there were some concerns. But we had to try. We had to try and live out lives without worrying about Salem's reach. He was going to put a baby in my belly.
He and Weiss messaged me to let me know they had started trying. I wanted to be with them. The sex and the family. It was everything I ever really wanted. I mean, yeah, I liked saving people. But I also wanted my life.
So I marched up to the headmaster's office of Atlas Academy with my resignation letter in my hand.
I set it on his desk and he picked it up. He looked up from the letter to my face and sighed heavily. I knew what he was thinking. I was a serious loss to him. I had some real power backing me up with high Mover and Breaker ratings. I was talented and strong and close with the Spring Maiden. Closer than anybody alive. She was going to be at my wedding for sure. Maybe a bride of honor. Weiss was my maid of honor. But she was also my wife. But she was also my sister. Hard to really puzzle that together. I liked when she touched me though. I missed that. And why make things more complicated than they had to be?
"Are you sure?" Ironwood asked, rubbing his chin.
"Absolutely. I have to book a flight so I can keep running missions until then but I'm going to Vale where my boyfriend and girlfriend both are. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry to see you go. Penny will miss you."
"It's not goodbye forever and I'll see her before I leave at least a few more times. It's also not goodbye forever between us. I'll see you again too, General. And I have to say goodbye to the rest of my team."
I had wanted to go with Weiss but my skills were needed here against Grimm. I was a Grimm destroying machine.
"Well then. Goodbye Miss Rose."
Hopefully I wouldn't be Miss Rose for much longer. Mrs. Strife sounded nice. Why not that? Well? Why not? Get on it, Cloud. Make me pregnant and marry me already like what is taking so long. Ugh. I know most people don't operate at my speed. Cloud needed time. He was always like that. He needed time to sort of get a lid on himself after Pyrrha had died. He still wasn't over that. Maybe Weiss could help him out with that. I tried to but I never really made much progress in helping him. I certainly tried my hardest but he hadn't let the acceptance take him in. He harbored that murderous desire for Cinder for almost two years. And when he finally killed Cinder it still hadn't made him happy because of course it hadn't. How would killing someone ever make them happy? Maybe I just didn't get it but then again I had been right when I told him that revenge and murder wouldn't bring him peace. I warned him. But I know that wasn't enough. You can't just tell a child that a stove was hot. Sometimes they had to experience it to really get it. I'm not saying I would burn my children. Gods forbid. They would stay away from the cookies until they were cool! Or else!
I was totally going to be super mom. Wait and see. Go on and wait and see.
But Cloud needed to experience killing Cinder to learn that killing Cinder wasn't the answer and it never had been. Peace would come from family and love. Not murder. I needed to show him that. I needed to teach him what love and family really was.
All of the discussions we had had when I tried to ask about his family took on a terrifying new light in the context of what his family was really like. He had had no idea. He didn't know who himself was. He didn't know what made a family worth it. But he was willing to try and that was going to be enough.
I found Penny. She was in her father's lab and was hooked up to a computer.
"Hey Penny."
"You're leaving, aren't you," Penny murmured.
"Yeah. I am. I need to be with them. Cloud needs me if he's ever going to start healing. And I want to start my family."
"I understand."
"You're going to be a part of it too. My bridesmaid or whatever. I want you in my life too, Penny. You're my best friend. I love you."
"I love you too Ruby. And who knows? Maybe I'll find a family of my own one day. I think that would be nice. Sit down and retire and give up the guardian job. I just have to find the right boy."
"So you like boys?" I plopped down beside her.
"I don't know. I think so but I don't know so. I've never met a boy who really, well, not got my heart racing. But who got me excited. Do you know what I mean?"
"I didn't know a boy like that until Cloud. And I had to know him for almost two years for anything to come of it. And Weiss didn't get my pulse going until Mistral when we were so close again. We were closer than sisters. So it just sort of worked out for me and I found what I was looking for. But if I had to do it a thousand times I'm not sure it would turn out as well. I lost Cloud and I found him again. Weiss confessed how she felt to me. If I had to repeat I don't know that things would fall the same way and turn out like this. And I like it like this. I like what I have set up. I worked at it and built it slowly. I didn't fall in love in a moment. I fell in love over years. I don't believe in that sudden shift where you just suddenly know somebody is right for you. But day by day someone just becomes right for you. If you're open to it. Maybe multiple someones. I got lucky. I'm not sure what it is about me that made Cloud and Weiss like me."
"You're sweet and kind, Ruby. You're empathetic and passionate. You have an enormous heart."
"Well… I don't know."
"I do. You were my first friend. Even though I was a little odd you were willing to see past that. I see what makes you exceptional and worth loving like that. I want to have it too. I want to be exceptional and worth loving the same way you are. I just don't know if I am."
"Because you're…"
"Not because I'm a machine or even a murderer now. No. I just don't know that I have that special spark in me. I don't know if I ever had it. I don't know if I have it now. I don't know if I will ever have it. But you do. I'm… I'm jealous of you for that. At times. It's unbecoming but it's true. I'm jealous of that part of you because I want to be like that."
"Penny, you do have a big heart. You are compassionate and empathetic. And you do share it with the world."
"I learned from watching you."
"And you share yourself so unafraid."
"But I am afraid. I'm scared of myself. I'm scared of dying. I'm scared of betraying who I think I am. And I don't know what I am. What am I, really?"
"You're a person. Of course you are."
"What's a person?" Penny asked genuinely and she stumped me. "See? I don't know either. And that scares me too. Is Salem a person?"
"I don't think so…" I trailed off.
"Then what makes me a person?"
"I don't know. I just know it when I see it," I admitted.
"That's not good enough for me. The closer you look at what a person is the more the line blurs until you can't even see it. Doesn't that bother you?"
"But that's true for everything, Penny!"
"And that doesn't bother you?" She repeated. "If there's no fixed lines then there's no real moral code. There's no reason I shouldn't kill myself."
"I would miss you!"
"You can't prove that you're real to me. Not really. Every other person could be not self aware and you could be the only one. You have no way of knowing for certain. It bothers me. Especially now that I've killed someone. Cloud almost became not a person. Cloud almost became a monster. If he could almost do it, then I could actually do it. That scares me. Cloud and I are alot alike. We killed Cinder together. We're both artificial. You were both of our first friends. Cinder took from both of us. If Cloud could almost fall from grace then it must be possible that I could actually fall from grace. I think about it alot."
"I don't have a good answer for you."
"No one does. And no one ever will. Even if tomorrow someone shows that a non-trivial zero lies off the critical strip the world will spin pointlessly on. And even if the Mang-Yills Mass Gap is arbitrarily small we still have to live our lives as holographic beings. I don't know if it is possible to know. But I know at this moment it is impossible for me to know. Therefore, to minimize my suffering, I should kill myself."
"I'm staying. I'm not leaving you like this. Not while you're contemplating suicide."
"Just like Cloud…" Penny trailed off. "I won't kill myself Ruby. I want to live. But I don't know what living is. Therefore, I struggle. I think, therefore I struggle. And with that struggle comes suffering. And I think that's the point. I don't think I'll have kids even though I can. I'll choose not to use my powers of creation. And that is creation as well. Not creating must be the same as creating."
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-WG
