No human being has ever caused me as much trouble as Dr. James Matthew Davis.
There was a time, well over twenty years ago, when I'd hoped he would look at me the way I looked at him, but, then, he met Catherine. She was everything to him, and I can't hold it against him. It wasn't my choice to fall in love with him, and it wasn't his choice or hers for them to fall in love with each other. Still, I never trusted myself around Catherine, not when James was there. She became a friend, a close friend, and the last thing I wanted was to ruin all of our lives by chasing after her husband. She didn't deserve it. She was one of the most gentle spirits I've ever known, and, though she never wanted to talk about her past and I never pressed her for it, I wished I knew how she had become to be so calm, so serene, so peaceful yet driven and focused.
Which is why I still feel guilty for having hoped James would turn to me after she died.
His departure shattered the team, and we were all angry, but for me it was a different kind of anger. It was irrational, it was impulsive, and it was all consuming, and I was angry he left without telling me. I shouldn't have wanted him to tell me he was leaving, but I still did, still wanted him to tell me so I could have had the chance to kiss him even once before he left.
Having him back…it's dredged up things I wish it hadn't.
The first few days, he had slept in the hydroponics lab study rooms before I finally made myself tell him he can stay with me. The first night he slept on my couch, I woke up early from a dream which left me disoriented. He had been kissing me, gently pressing me into the bed, his hands delicately brushing through my hair. I slipped his jacket off him while he unbuttoned my blouse and, soon enough, he was kissing me again, this time us both bare, and he was deep within my…
When I saw him at the lab, still searching for anything to get him to this damned Vault 112, later the same day, I had been reminded of why I want him. He never stops, always works as though he's running out of time, but still has love in him, still has life in him. If I didn't know better, I'd be hoping he's not in love with, not waiting on someone else but I do know better. Catherine meant everything to him, and still does. Their daughter, too, is the person he cares most about, which is why I'm still baffled by his decision to leave her behind in the Vault.
Still, James has been incredibly productive. The amount of time he spends either in the lab helping my staff and the amount of time he spends looking for information to this Vault 112 is almost excessive. He barely sleeps, as far as I know, that is, and he also barely eats. It's not healthy and it's not normal, not for him. He's not the same man he was twenty years ago, of course, but even knowing that is not enough for me to believe this is what he's usually like. The guilty, panicked, and worried way he talks about his daughter is the same as it was then, but, now, he's brought that panic on himself and it's hard to watch. His drive with work is a distraction from it, just like his drive with work and love for her was a distraction from Catherine's deteriorating health.
"Bryan, what are you doing?" I frown when the kid shrugs, letting himself into my office. "Aren't you supposed to be in class?"
"Vera won't care if I'm not," He says with another aggravating shrug. "She's focused on her business, and it's not like my dad is coming to visit any time soon. He's probably taking some of those weird things you inject into your arms and laying about back home in Greyditch. Doesn't matter if I'm not in class."
"I'd appreciate it if you didn't use that tone with me," I pointedly tell him but, still, he doesn't seem to care. "Go back to class, Bryan, or I'm going to have Dr. Holt talk to your aunt again. I have work to do, and I'm in no mood for distractions."
"It's just biology," He whines. "I don't care about plants, all I want to learn are two things: how to read quicker and how to shoot things between the eyes."
"Take it up with the Brotherhood, then," I irritably tell him. "They're the ones who run the city's school system. Just go back to class, and leave me alone."
"Fine," He grumbles, crossing his arms and nearly kicking the door back open. "Not like I'm going to learn much of anything but whatever."
Not trusting him to stay out of trouble, I put away the files I was reviewing or, at least, was supposed to be reviewing and sweep up my keys before following after him. As soon as I've got my office locked up, I walk a little ways behind him, but close enough for him to know I'm keeping an eye on him, my heels clicking sharply to purposefully remind him not to do anything he's not supposed to. If he's spoiled an experiment or interfered with our work, I am going to be more than a tad annoyed. The moment he's back where he's supposed to be, I offer Janice a sympathetic look, well aware this is interfering with her day just as much as it is mine. The kid glares at me one more time as I walk towards the engineering laboratories, and, to my relief, when I step into the main lab the 'Dr. Zimmer' and his bodyguard are nowhere to be found.
Good. The last thing I need is to have to get them removed from the laboratory complex again.
Something about them is not right, and, though I can't quite put a finger on it, when I know why, I will probably be irritated by it. The amount of trouble they've stirred up around here in a matter of weeks is more than enough for me to want them completely expelled from the city but, unfortunately, the choice is not up to me, and security seems to want to keep things as peaceful as possible without taking sides, as they always do. Infuriating as it is, they seem to have done a good enough job at scaring Zimmer and his bodyguard off for the time being. Stepping over to the lab's primary computer terminal, I sit down and log in.
Work is as much of a distraction from my feelings for me as it is for James, and, the less time I have to let my mind wander around him, the better.
Surprisingly, all of the readings from the reactor room and its equipment are stable and up to date with the last adjustments having been made by Janice two weeks ago. It's good to know at least one of my two closest coworkers is doing her job, and without complaint. I really have no idea what's been going on with Anna, of late, but she's getting to the point of being almost unbearable to be around. She doesn't say it often, but she's made no mystery of the fact she's annoyed by the way things have been working around here. James is probably part of her annoyance, considering I do trust and give him more latitude than I do her, but what I can't understand are her apparent expectations. She's an intelligent and good worker, but it seems more and more each day she expects to be reminded of it, of her status, and the way she reminds people of it is almost amusing to watch.
Still, it would be better for everyone if she would just quiet down and do her work.
"This is a restricted area," I irritably say upon hearing several sets of footsteps entering the lab. "So, unless you have clearance, I suggest you –"
"This is important, Dr. Li, so please step away from the computer and speak to us."
Looking up, I bite back the urge to swear when I see the people who have decided to interrupt me are making no secret of the fact they're with the Brotherhood. The eldest of them being in power armour with two rather young looking men tells me more than enough; more likely than not, Lyons wants something from me or my staff and decided to make it a 'learning experience' for some of the younger members of the Brotherhood. In no mood to do as they tell me, I merely save my work, turn off the computer monitor, and narrowly eye them from behind my desk. You'd think, after years of trying to interfere with my work, Lyons would know better than to send his people to bother me instead of doing so himself, but he doesn't. I suppose there are some things they just don't teach you in their 'Codex,' common sense being one of them. Though, to my slight amusement, they seem rather annoyed with me for not doing as they say, they eventually relent and approach me, the one clad in power armour with the two young men flanking him on both sides.
"I don't believe we've met before, Dr. Li, but I'm Paladin Samuel Kreig," The man says, raising an eyebrow and appearing miffed when I have no interest in shaking his hand. "With me today are the Initiates under my charge – Lucas Culter and Jackson Danse."
"Get to the point," I tell him. "You're obviously here for a reason, so you might as well just spit it out."
"The Brotherhood needs your help," Is he joking? "We're only here with good intentions, Dr. Li, you have my word."
"You're giving me your word, even though we just met?" I dubiously repeat. "Fine. Say what you came here to say, and then leave me alone."
"We understand you've spent the last ten years working on portable nuclear power," He says. Do they? The real question, probably, is whether or not they even understand my research. "We have some projects we're working on that we believe could benefit from your work."
"We also are aware of your previous work on a failed project with the Brotherhood regarding water purification," One of the Initiates – Danse, I'm rather certain – continues. "We've been given to understand you have continued hydroponic research, albeit on a smaller scale, and believe your smaller scale research could also be beneficial to the Brotherhood."
"As well as the people of the region, of course," Given the Brotherhood's track record, Paladin, I find it hard to believe that's your primary motivation. "I can assure you this will be worth your time."
"And if I'm not interested in working with the Brotherhood?" I say, eyeing him and his Initiates narrowly. Unsurprisingly, they all bristle. "Look, I don't want to be harsh," I absolutely do but saying it outright won't stop them. "But I have problems of my own. I don't have the resources or time to support the Brotherhood's pet projects."
"We're more than prepared to accommodate for that," Are you really? Well, how sweet of them. "Elder Lyons will reward your aid generously, not only with resources but with granting you the honourary rank of Knight instead of Scribe, which would be more typical for someone of your role."
"If Lyons wants me to be part of the Brotherhood so badly, then he can come down here and tell me so himself," I frown when the Initiates glower at me. "Now, can I get back to work? The last thing I need right now is the Brotherhood interfering with my research."
"It wouldn't be interference," The other Initiate – Culter, isn't it? – says. "It would be a mutual partnership, Dr. Li, one which would benefit you greatly."
"Considering none of this sounds at all relevant to me and sounds more about what's best for you, I find that hard to believe," I reply, stepping around my desk towards the intercom, pressing it on. "Anna, send Harkness down to Engineering Lab 3. I need him to remove people from the lab again."
"Right away, Dr. Li," Even with the slight static, she sounds unusually perky. Thank God. "It shouldn't be more than a few minutes. He and Commander Danvers are finishing a security safety check of the chemistry labs."
"Thanks, Anna," I shut off the intercom and look back to the three men, none of whom have moved. "I'm not going to say this again: either you leave my laboratory willingly, or Rivet City Security will take you out with more forceful methods."
"This is incredibly unreasonable, Dr. Li," The Paladin snaps. And there it is, the good old Brotherhood spirit. "Your work here only benefits the five thousand some odd people who live in Rivet City and the traders who pass through here. Working with the Brotherhood would benefit the entire region."
"If the Brotherhood felt like sharing resources and technology," I pointedly reply. "Which, considering how much you like hoarding it, is a serious question. What you all do best is winning wars, so I'd recommend you finish taking out what's left of the Enclave before trying to endear yourselves to civilians with your titles and resources."
"Everything we are doing is with the goal of defeating the Enclave," The Initiate called Danse puts in. Interesting, but, from what I've seen, unlikely. "Our orders are to find and appropriate as many civilian projects as we can in order to broaden our repertoire of information and valuable technological knowledge. We're simply here to follow our orders."
"The Brotherhood wants to take over control of my research, and the best they can do is send robots that do nothing but follow orders?" I say with derision. "Sorry, but you're going to have to do a lot better than that."
"We can't tell you what we want you to do specifically until you are one of us," The Paladin coldly responds. "The Codex is clear on what can and cannot be shared with outsiders and, until you are one of us, we cannot tell you what we want from you or why other than that we need access to you and your work for a few projects we're working on as we draw closer to victory against the Enclave."
"So much as I – and everyone else in the region – want the Brotherhood to finally do away with the Enclave and, as much as I'm sure you'll be able to do so and are getting fairly close, I don't see how that's my problem," I say, walking back around my desk, and logging into my computer terminal to check the electronic mail relay. "You're wasting your breath. I'm a scientist, not a soldier, and, after the Brotherhood simply walked away and left us all in the lurch the last time I did work for them, I'm not going to turn my back on my work without a damn good reason, something you haven't been able to give me."
"Unable to give you?" Has no one ever told you no before, Cutler? "We require your work so we can appropriate it and your projects for our benefit against the Enclave. Helping lowly civilians here is child's work compared to what you'd accomplish with us."
"These 'lowly civilians' are real people with jobs, families, and some of them are even members of my staff, several of whom are among the best minds I've ever had the chance to work with," I inform him with just as much sting. "If you want to serve people, you should start by treating them as your equals."
"The Codex is clear, Dr. Li," Initiate Danse says. "So it is written, 'shield yourself from those not bound to you by steel, for they are blind. Aid them when you can but lose not sight of yourself. Fear those of whom do not pledge to the Brotherhood for though their eyes may be open through service, they are now blind.' We are bound to a higher calling and a high code of ethics and honour, and we cannot and will not break it to satisfy your curiosity."
"Then tell Lyons he can either come to me himself or he can forget it. I've learnt my lesson when it comes to trusting the Brotherhood," I say, breathing a sigh of relief when – finally – Harkness and Danvers come into the lab. "If you could show them the way out," I wave my hand at the three of them. "I have work to do."
"Of course, Dr. Li," Danvers says with an apologetic look. "I'll ensure they don't bother you again."
Seeing the aggravated looks on their faces as Danvers escorts them out is almost amusing. A bit to my surprise, Harkness stays, watching her take them away but not leaving himself. Given how worried he looks, there's either something gone wrong in the chemistry laboratory safety inspections or there's been another incident with Zimmer and his bodyguard. I'm not sure which would be worse. The last time we had an issue in the chemistry laboratory, we had to replace an entire shelf and set of beakers because a corrosive leaked and caused it to deteriorate and break. As for Zimmer…the man's entire existence seems to be nothing short of a nuisance around here, and I'm certainly in no mood for more of him getting in the way of me or my staff.
"If you have bad news for me, it's alright," I tell him, looking up from my computer. "I doubt it can be more unpleasant than talking with them."
"No bad news, I was just a bit concerned about you," He says, almost as though he's embarrassed by the emotion. "As a friend, that is, not as an officer and you a civilian. I know you're quite capable and keep things running smoothly around here. With the issues with Zimmer and now the Brotherhood, I wanted to make sure you're alright."
"I'm as well as I can be these days," I say, pausing when I open an email from James. When was the last time I was able to do that? Everything is so… "If I'm having a problem, I'll let you know."
"Well, good to hear," He says. "Sorry about those guys. The Brotherhood have been around a lot more these days. Did they ask you to join them? Elder Lyons asked me personally, the other day, to join them. If I weren't so tied to the city, I probably would, but my priority first and foremost is and has always been serving the people of Rivet City."
"At least someone other than me isn't letting the Brotherhood walk all over them," I manage a faint smile. "Thanks for dealing with them for me."
"But of course," He says, stoic as ever again. "All in a day's work, you know?"
"I suppose it is," I reply. "Still, it's a relief to know there are people I can rely on here."
Including you too, James, apparently.
I just wish I didn't feel more than simple happiness to have you here to work with again, even if some of the things you're focused on are only a wild goose chase.
Damn you, James.