Present Day

She didn't know where she was. She didn't know if she was in a place, if this… boring white landscape that surrounded her could be considered a concrete location in the space time continuum. Either she'd taken some impressive drugs, which she couldn't remember doing, or she was dying which she also couldn't remember but as her hand drifted to her stomach she got a flash of blinding pain before the world had gone dark. And then white apparently. So the chances of her dying… they might be kind of high. Which meant that either this was her brain's way of easing her passing or heaven really was real, in which case she was going to be pissed, but at least she'd get to have a word with whoever was in charge. Jay would never let her live it down though.

Jay.

Fuck.

Where was he?

The last thing she remembered was… Adam, making fun of them. Of her drink. Then the pain and then… this. Had she been poisoned? She'd had people slip her things before but this didn't feel like that. It felt…

It felt like it was her fault.

As if that was some unspoken signal the whiteness vanished and she was standing on a beach. On Long Beach. She was home. The view of the waves stretching out to fill the horizon made her heart ache with longing but it was matched with a rage that she instantly recognized but instinctively knew wasn't hers. Not anymore. Like one of those distant waves washed over her Tess was filled with clarity and looked down at her hands, not as they'd been this morning, callused and scarred but as they had been, youthful and untouched. And clutching the little wooden box that contained her parents ashes. Tess knew if she looked back over her shoulder she would see everyone standing behind her, Lydia, Sam and Clara, Noah and Isiah but she didn't, just like she hadn't that day.

Instead she slowly walked into the surf, until she was deep enough that their ashes wouldn't mingle with the sand and slowly poured them into the water. It felt much more healing this time around, with the knowledge that she would find her way, forwards and back, that she would see just how much love the world had to offer. But that rage was still there. A deep, seemingly depthless pit that had grown even blacker alongside that increasing light. A promise that had pushed her as much as it had held her back.

Never again.

Never again would she allow herself to love so deeply she could be broken this badly, a promise she'd fully intended to keep but had failed as soon as she'd met Vivienne and Luke. But she hadn't let it go. And Tess realized as she turned back and walked past all those people that loved her without a second glance that she had not moved on; she may have healed some parts of herself but she had let that wound fester.

She had run from her pain and she hadn't stopped running since.

And now she was finally paying the price.

As if that was another cue the beach and forest beyond disappeared and she was back in that white space, this time with a fury that was all her own. And very much caused by this present moment.

'What the fuck is this?!' She shouted into the void, unsure if she should be confused or relieved that there was no echo. 'Is this supposed to be some kind of lesson? Or is the universe just fucking with me?! Again!'

'Theresa Evelyn Danvers! Language!'

If she'd had breath, which she was only now realizing she didn't, that voice would have sucked it away, whatever form of ground beneath trembling as she turned around to find two figures staring at her with disapproving mouths but smiling gazes. 'Mom? Dad?'

Suddenly caring where she was and why didn't matter anymore, not when her parents were in front of her, the clearest she had seen them since the day they'd died and before she knew it Tess had thrown herself at them. There was a brief but overwhelming moment of panic where she feared she wouldn't be able to touch them but whatever hallucination she was having had all the senses because she could see them, hear them, touch them, smell them. Her dad smelt like sea salt and the subtle tang of metal, and her mom like cinnamon and rain.

'Hush little tempest.' They whispered together when she started crying, with more and more force until the feel of their hands brushing down her hair caught her breath.

Until she remembered that if she was with them, she wasn't with everyone else.

Wasn't with Jay.

'He's waiting for you.' Her mom whispered as she cupped her cheeks, the face staring back at her so similar to her own it made her heart ache. She was almost as old now as her mother had been when she'd died.

What would she look like if she'd lived?

Was she going to find out?

If she was here-

'You'll go back.' Her dad said confidently, his hand on the back of her head so familiar she started crying again. 'We're just taking this time to say hey. And let you know that we are so proud of you. These visits are coming in handy.'

The plural caught her attention but only for a second before she was pulling them closer. 'What- what about Lydia? I need to talk to her, I need-'

'She's not here.' Her mom said gently and there was a sadness and an anger in her eyes she didn't understand.

'But she has to be. I have to tell her I'm sorry-'

Her mom just shook her head and tightened her grip. 'You don't need to. But you will. One day, one day soon this is all going to make sense okay? And when it does know that we love you.'

'And we never meant to lie to you.' Her dad added, his voice hoarse with a pain she felt to her core.

'What are you talking about? What lie, what-'

She was cut off by a sharpness in her chest, a jolt of electricity she had felt too many times before, that she instantly recoiled from, pushing further into her parents when they tried to take a step back.

'It's okay. It's almost time for you to go.'

'I don't want to.'

'Neither did he.' That gruff voice was the only one who could have gotten her to turn from her parents, more tears running down her cheeks when Pat Halstead stepped forward. 'He went back for you. Now you do the same.'

'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I should have-'

As they'd done in life she fell silent when he took her hand, all the words they'd never expressed out loud passing between them. She'd never seen him look so relaxed.

So happy.

'He went back for himself. And she will too.'

Again her non-breath rushed out of her as Mary Halstead appeared beside her husband, as vibrant here as she'd been in every photo she'd ever seen of the woman. Maybe the idea of heaven wasn't so bad after all.

'This is not heaven.' Her dad cut in, stern even as the others rolled their eyes. 'It's some kind of alternate dimension where consciousness can continue.'

'Can?'

'It's a choice. We all chose to wait here. For our kids. We're just lucky you're all together.' Mary said with a smile and though her eyes were so clearly Will's that smile…

It was all Jay.

'Thank you for taking care of my boys.'

'I should have done more-'

'You did more than enough.' She whispered and the next jolt had them all pushing closer, forming a circle around her that tore at her heart. 'You tell them I love them, okay?'

'I promise.'

She didn't want to go.

But she didn't want to stay either.

Tess started memorizing their faces, their smiles, the love in their eyes a promise she knew would stay with her when she went back.

To the end.