Five Years Ago

This… had never happened before. Even the bugs she'd had to work out in the earliest versions hadn't had this… Situation. It was supposed to be impossible. She had designed it to be impossible. Which was why she should have known how arrogant that was; programs were only as good as their designer and anything human was flawed. It was a good check to her ego, thankfully coming at a time when she could take another hit, though that would depend on who was on the other end.

Unknown number.

There was no one around, she was more alone than she'd been in years, and had been since leaving her team at an airport in Sri Lanka six weeks ago for a still unknown quantity of space, something she was both relishing and regretting. One more line to hold but she was managing, better than she'd expected. Still, she scanned the room before finally taking the call, immediately flinching when she heard the furious voice.

"You fucking bitch! You are damn fucking lucky you answered or I was going shove those big ass antlers up your fucking ass! And I still might!"

In times past the threat would have made her laugh, at her highest and her lowest but she'd sunk deeper than she ever had before so she didn't this time.

But Tess still felt it.

Not the urge but the emotion behind it, a love and recognition that lived in her soul. That lifted it.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! Actually, scratch that. There is nothing that excuses the way you've treated us. You told us Lydia was dead with a fucking treasure hunt!?"

From the moment she'd learned her aunt had died she'd tried her best to hold onto herself, onto the woman she had loved but she'd fallen far fucking short. And still she thought that might be one of the cruelest things she'd ever done.

"What the fuck Tess." Greg rasped, the agony in his voice rippling through her chest, tearing through her already tattered heart. It had been better when he was yelling. "Did you really think we would stop you from leaving? From going after them, however you wanted to do it? I want an answer."

His next ragged breath came a beat after hers, in response to it, and she knew he wouldn't speak again until she told him what he wanted to know. What he deserved to. "I didn't want you to come with me."

"That wasn't your call to make. And you knew that and it's a slap in our face that you did it anyway. And in Lydia's."

Her shoulders automatically stiffened in response to the urge to curl them in but a second later she remembered no one was here and a second after that she gave in and bowed over herself, one of the first times she'd given into the grief that now consumed her. "I'm sorry."

"You're going to answer my fucking calls from now on, you hear me? Every call, every text, every email. Every fucking one." He said tightly, not forgiving, maybe not even understanding but accepting. What other choice did he have?

What other choice had she left him?

"I promise."

They fell silent but neither hung up, just listened to each other's breaths, both furious, both broken. Tess had always thought of her and Greg as two sides of the same coin; two hackers, distrusting of authority but willing to work under it for the better good. With a shared tendency to get lost, in the real world as easily as the digital one. They'd been good at keeping track of each other, caring for one another but with so many of the same habits they'd always needed help. Needed the one who'd brought them together in the first place.

"How is he?"

"Bad." Greg answered sharply, but truthfully, and while she didn't wipe her tears away she had to tilt her head back so they could stream down her face unimpeded. "We're all doing badly. So finish what you're doing-"

"No."

Again they fell silent and she could feel his frustration rising back up but this time her own joined it.

Not directed at him but at the world.

At herself.

"I don't know when I'm coming home so you-… You live your life and you don't wait for me. Do you understand? Greg."

"To whatever end." He said solemnly, his anger undercut by sadness.

There wasn't a person she loved she hadn't hurt and all Tess wanted was to make it right. To make them stop loving her.

"Say it back." Greg said sternly and again she felt that love that always lifted her spirits- she still couldn't laugh but it was something, right?

Wasn't it everything?

"To whatever end."

Four and a Half Years Ago

She really thought he might hit her.

It would be fair if he did, she'd hit him before and he'd always joked about getting her back, tit for tat, so it would be fair if he did.

Deserved.

So that was what Tess prepared for on the seventeen hour flight from Seoul to Kabul, in between fielding still tentative but slowly growing more confident interjections from her team asking if she wanted to talk. Which she didn't, preferring to stay focused on their upcoming operation. It wasn't like she didn't know what each of them would say, down to their tone and body language, and it wasn't like any of them were going to say anything she couldn't tell herself. She wouldn't tell herself those things but that was a different issue. And how she felt didn't matter. Only what he did. And she didn't know what he saw when he looked at her. What anyone did truth be told. Herself included. Half the time Tess avoided mirrors and even in those moments she forced herself to spend hours in front of them… no answer came.

It was selfish, to hope talking with him would bring some but she couldn't help it.

It didn't help that he didn't look angry, giving the same air of loving disappointment he had since his first call and there had been one a month since. Usually only a minute where he confirmed she was alive and then they sat in silence before he told her he'd call again soon. Tess knew he was waiting for her, to get sad, get angry, show any kind of emotion, any remorse. But she couldn't. At first she hadn't been entirely sure she felt it, for his pain yes but not for the actions that had caused it but even when the disassociation had worn off and she'd felt it all… It wasn't right, that she be the one to break. That he, that anyone be the ones to comfort her. Not after what she had done, what she was still doing. What she was going to continue doing. But by the fourth call she had started anxiously waiting for the phone to ring on every third Saturday and that…

That meant more to her than she would ever be able to express.

Certainly to pay him back for.

She dimly heard Bronson say they would give them a moment, it was awkward to see his normal stoicism replaced by sympathy but she still returned his short but respectful nod as everyone walked out of the briefing room. Once upon a time this had been her favourite base in the world but now she couldn't look around without being assaulted by memories, so many ghosts at the corners of her eyes she felt like she was in a cemetery. But there was only one gaze she cared about right now and it was more frightening than any other, save one. Not because it was hard, not because it held so much anger and hurt, but because there was just as much love beside them. More.

Greg was silent as he stared at her, steady, more she thought than she had ever seen him; turned out the purpose he'd been looking for was right where he'd left it. J-… Someone else had been her Ranger, but she'd always had two soldier boys. Had always loved both, but hadn't ever treated the man in front of her the same. It wasn't the same but it had been just as strong. And it held her in place the same way when he started walking towards her, not a tug but a pulse, a beat to match her heart. Not chocolate and moss but sugar and gunpowder, not hunter green but sky blue, filled with nothing but love even as his lips slid into a small, pained but grateful smile. And then he hugged her.

He fucking hugged her.

A real, warm, loving hug and he held on even when she tried to pull away, panicked by his forgiveness but he made her take it, stronger than she remembered, squeezing so tightly her bones ached, his rough whisper a balm to her scarred soul. "My Moose."

His Moose.

Still his Moose. And he was still her Mouse. Always.

To whatever end.