Present Day

She hated waking up from anesthesia.

To start her head, limbs and even eyelids always felt like they had ten-pound weights attached to them which was uncomfortable to begin with but especially given the accompanying nausea and dry mouth. And with how many times she'd woken from being given such drugs against her will it was no wonder she could feel her heartbeat picking up as she began to wake. Feel, and hear. The quiet beeping near her head told her she was in a medical setting, something that did not soothe her, in fact it made her panic grow but at least the rush of adrenaline allowed her to finally peel open her eyes; it still took a minute to see she wasn't in any danger but her body was still so heavy she wouldn't have been able to do anything even if she had been. Which was exactly why she disliked anesthesia so much.

But that wasn't the case this time. A quick scan showed she was in a private room and even though all hospitals looked the same with their insistence on decorating in dull white or boring beige she was pretty sure she was at Med. Mostly because she couldn't fathom why she'd be somewhere else. And because she recognized the kind-faced older gentleman who was standing at the foot of her bed.

Dr. Charles.

Doctor Daniel Charles, Head of Psychiatry at Gaffney Medical Centre, a position he'd gotten after four years of undergraduate studies, four years of medical studies and another five years of specialization. And then another decade working in various hospitals around the country gaining experience and contacts. He was a great doctor, was insightful, insistent when he had to be but also patient, kept himself up to date on new research and worked well with other departments, and other doctors, like Will, and equally as important to her he was a good man. Of course he had his shit like everyone else but he worked on it and didn't let it affect his treatment of his patients. It was a rarer combination than it should be.

"Well that is a very succinct summary of my resume. And a very kind assessment of my character."

Oops.

If he was shocked or bothered by her ramble he didn't let it show, instead just smiled and popped his head out to ask for some water before adjusting her bed when he saw her struggling to sit up; her body was still numb from the drugs so she couldn't feel much but she remembered the twisting stab of pain before darkness had swept in. And the distinct feeling that it had been her fault.

And voices.

Not Jay's or any of her teams but just as beloved. Just as familiar.

Except one but she struggled to bring the memory to the surface and then there was water in front of her, sweet, cold water that soothed her aching throat.

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Charles asked after she'd drank her full, his voice that perfect combination of gentle and well-meaning authority that the answer just came tumbling out.

"I thought I had it."

"Had what?"

"Everything I was carrying." Instant recognition filled his features and it took effort to make her own give him a smile but she managed it. "I had it all balanced, organized like a Tetris champion with OCD but it was too much. I dropped it and I don't think I can pick it all up again. I shouldn't."

"Do you really think it's all yours to hold?"

Again there was something in his eyes, a perception that even in her addled state she understood. "How much do you know?"

"Well, you had an ulcer that-"

"An ulcer?" Dr. Charles nodded, unbothered that she had cut him off, and waited silently while she processed the information. "How bad?"

"You had to have a section of your intestines removed but the surgery went well. You're looking at four, maybe six weeks recovery time."

More time off.

It was hard to accept, but would be even harder to deny that she needed it.

"How long have I been out?"

"I was told you came in around nine and your surgery finished around twelve- it's just after four right now."

Seven hours.

Jay must be panicked.

It was odd that he wasn't here but given that this hadn't been an attack she was hoping someone had just forced him to get some coffee or something rather than him hiding in some dark corner to grieve this alone.

"It's a lot to take in."

"Not anymore than normal." She replied automatically, tilting her still slightly pounding head when he looked her over subtly but undeniably critically. "I didn't mean how much do you know about what happened to me. I meant how much do you know about me? You're too smart to think I'm just a consultant. Or contractor. Or whatever the rumours say."

The brow that had raised with curiosity turned wry as the older man nodded and gave her another perceptive look. "CIA?"

"Good guess. What branch?"

"SOG?" He asked, smiling to himself when he no doubt saw her surprise.

"Most assume political action."

"I did at first." Dr. Charles, Daniel, admitted with another small shrug though the appreciation in his stare grew. "Then I saw how Dr. Choi interacted with you- not that he would show disrespect to someone who didn't work in the field but seeing the respect he and Detective Halstead show you made it pretty clear you've seen battle."

"That I have."

There was silence for a minute and they just stared at each other, him with a silent offer to listen should she ever want to discuss her trauma and her with the understanding that she should probably take him up on it.

Maybe if she did Jay would too.

He was by no means a couples counsellor but maybe they could have a few dual sessions.

"He should be back soon. Detective Halstead. I believe Will took him to get some coffee."

That was good.

Will was a good big brother, and determined to make up for his absence, and thinking of him, of both of them niggled at something in her mind, memories of those voices she couldn't quite access. She didn't want to go back to them, actually she did, just not right now, her feeling was not for a long time but…

"Is it-"

"If there's something I can get you or do for you, please, let me know. "Dr. Charles prompted when he saw she wasn't going to finish her sentence and normally she wouldn't ask, or even think to but he was so kind, and she was so tired that she decided why not?

It would hurt Jay a little to have to wait longer to know for himself that she was okay but he knew her well enough to know that if she asked for help then she really needed it.

And Tess could feel in her bones, in her heart and in her soul that she did need this.

"Can I sleep a little longer?"

It took him a second to realize that she didn't mean unassisted but when he did his face got soft, like he too understood just how rundown she was. "You know, I think if anyone deserves some rest, it's you."

Even before the drugs hit her system she started relaxing, she knew she couldn't rely on them forever but for just a bit longer, just to get herself as rested as she could before she had to go back to the fight. Before she had to figure out what she could pick back up and what was going to have to be handed to someone else, or left off the plate entirely. The thought of doing so still scared her but not as much as it had before, maybe because she could feel a lightness in her now that she didn't want to lose again. The creeping wave of slumber that started washing over her pushed those thoughts away, and in their wake brought new ones, memories she couldn't tell if were real or imagined. But the way they made her heart warm was very much real.

"Hey Dr. Charles?"

"Yeah?"

"When they come back, tell them… tell them that their mom sounds just like I imagined she would."