Chapter 17
That night Jere and I have a movie marathon.
It was my idea. I figured we both could use an escape from reality. I had always loved that about movies and musicals ever since I was a little girl. How it takes your mind elsewhere for a while. It was similar to swimming in that way for me. Although I couldn't quite relate to Jeremiah's fight with Adam, I could relate to how much he was hurting because I was hurting too. I hadn't been able to sleep through an entire night since Spain. Not even once.
We watch Susannah's favorite classic films in order as we enjoy our pizza and cokes.
"Did you know Conrad helped pay for the lawyer?" Jere says it more like a statement than a question. He says it out of nowhere and I take my eyes off of the screen to look at him.
"What?"
"Steven told me." He says, looking back at the screen. "Cleveland and Conrad have been helping with the lawyer fees. Laurel hasn't had to pay a dime yet."
I struggle to swallow my pizza. This was new information. My mom and Conrad always had a special relationship and it did something to my heart to hear he was taking care of her like that. It made our final night in Spain together sting that much more because I had been so vile to him.
"That's nice of him." I set my pizza back down on my plate, no longer interested.
"Very nice." Jere echoes. "I don't know how he is doing it with medical school. I just wish I would have known sooner. I wouldn't have bought myself a new car if I had known." He trails off.
"Let's just hope it will all be over soon." I look back to the screen. "So no one has to suffer anymore."
"Yeah, here's to hoping." Jere sighs but he doesn't sound hopeful at all.
I pretend to watch the rest of the movie but my mind stays stuck on our conversation. I wasn't sure how Conrad was helping either. Almost all medical students are drowning in debt yet he still found a way to help my mom. I was sure Cleveland was paying for most of it. He was the wealthiest out of all of us but I could still see Conrad stepping in to help in any way he could. It was just who he is. Who he has always been. He would do anything for my mom. For Susannah. And his act of kindness doesn't leave my mind for the rest of the night.
Jere falls asleep halfway through the third film and I sigh as I look at the time on my phone. It was late. I throw away what is left of our dinners then I turn off the movie. I go to the linen closet and I lay a blanket over him just like Susannah used to do for us as kids. It was strange to be the adult doing all of those little things now. Another reminder of what we had lost.
When I turn off the rest of the lights in the kitchen, Jere stirs in his sleep.
"Hey, Bells?" His voice sounds like he is half-asleep.
I pause in the dark hallway. "Yeah?"
For a moment, I thought he had fallen back asleep because he doesn't say anything for awhile but I wait for him to. I start to walk down the hallway but that's when he does speak up.
"Don't hate him."
I take a moment before I reply back to him. "Who?"
"You know who." Jere whispers.
And it was the way he said it that breaks my heart. Because I had heard those words before. Susannah had said them to me once. The last summer everyone was in this house together.
"You can hate my dad. Part of me hates him too for this. But please don't hate my brother."
I close my eyes. "I don't."
"He needs you." Jere pauses. "My mom knew it. I know it. And I think deep down you know it too. Don't let my brother push you away this time. He needs you, Bells. He loves you."
I was at a loss for words. Jere had never said anything like this to me before. Not about Conrad. It touched me in the last place I wanted it to touch me. My heart. And it hurt because I was the one who had pushed Conrad away this time, not the other away around. But I didn't have the heart to tell Jere that right now.
"You don't have to tell me what happened between you two in Spain." He pauses. "I just wanted you to know that."
"It's getting late." I finally find my words. "We should get some sleep. Goodnight, Jere."
"Goodnight."
Then I drag myself upstairs and I lie awake in my bed lamenting over every word he had said to me.
Conrad:
It was like her graduation day all over again.
I do 80 all the way to Cousins as I race towards her. All I was missing was flowers but there were no stores open yet. It was pretty early in the morning. I would have to make a stop on the way. It was crazy to think how much had happened since her graduation day. How much of the summer we had spent drifting apart and crashing back into each other like the waves of Cousins Beach. But I would do it all over again in a heartbeat if it led me back to this place. Back to her.
My mom was right. We'd find our way back to each other eventually.
It was only a matter of time.
Years Earlier
Cousins, MA
My mom sees Belly and I first. We drop our hands as soon as we see her.
"Early morning walk on the beach?" My mom raises a brow with a mug in her hand.
My mom's smile said it all and I advert my eyes.
"Uhh, yeah." Belly looks at me. She can't stop smiling and neither can I.
We were giddy. We were happy. We were together.
"Mhm." My mom lets out a small laugh as she nods at us. I laugh too.
Belly and I exchange another look. She laughs as she looks past me. We weren't expecting anyone to be up this early let alone for my mom to be the one to catch us together first.
"I knew it." My mom shakes her head. She says it again as she takes a sip of her coffee.
And I knew exactly what my mom was referring to. She had always seen that invisible string between us. I let out a deep breath because it was like my mom knew without me having to tell her. She had always known. And it felt good that Belly and I were official. Out in the open now.
Belly looks at me with a nervous smile. "I-I'm going to go."
The last thing I want her to do is leave. I don't want to let go of her hand but she still had to talk to Jere and we still needed to change out of our clothes from the night before. So I just nod and smile down at her.
"Yeah." I nod, playing it cool.
She flashes that beautiful smile one more time then she walks away. As soon as her hand leaves mine, my hand has never felt so empty. My hand does the Darcy Flex, already aching from the loss of her touch. I don't even have to think about it. It just happens. I let out another deep breath as my mom catches me in the act. She looks at me with excitement in her eyes.
"Sit down." My mom smiles, patting the place next to her on the couch when Belly is out of sight.
When I take a seat next to her, she teases me. Her eyes held a million questions. "Sooo?"
"Mom." I smirk. "Just let me change first."
I go upstairs to change out of my suit from the night before. I think of the Debutante Ball and how I had danced with Belly. I think about our long conversation on the beach. Our first kiss. How it felt to hold her hand. How it felt now that she was finally mine. I have a fat smirk on my face as I reminisce but it is short-lived because that's when I hear them.
Jeremiah and Belly arguing in his room.
"It's great timing." I hear him say. "It's not like my mom has cancer or anything."
It catches me off guard. That was a low blow. Belly was hurting just as much as we were. My mom had always treated Belly as if she was her own daughter. How was any of this her fault?
"Jere, I didn't want to hurt you." Belly replies fast. "You're one of my best friends."
"No." Jeremiah shuts her down. "No, you don't get to call me that."
I quickly change into my Cousins Rowing shirt and some shorts so I can step into the hallway to hear them better. I had never heard my brother talk to her like that before.
Belly takes a moment as his words land. "You don't mean that."
"I do." He pauses. "Now can you please get out?"
I hear her footsteps approach the door then he stops her.
"And just so you know, he's going to break your heart." He says out of spite.
I lean against the wall of the hallway with crossed arms. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I couldn't believe how cruel my brother was being towards her. This was Belly, not just some girl. It wasn't right for him to talk to her like that even if he was hurting over our mom or over Belly and I being together. But that was the thing. I knew my brother well. He wouldn't have said all of that to her if he hadn't developed actual feelings for her. It was at that moment I realized how much he must have liked her. And it scared me. It had never once occurred to me that Jeremiah was into Belly. The first time I had heard of it was the night of the party when Steven said Shayla had a theory that they were hooking up. Had I missed all of the signs? How many times had they kissed this summer?
Belly walks out of his bedroom and she looks like she is about to cry. She sees me and I look at her with crossed arms trying to think of what to say to her but what was there to say? This was between them.
I follow her down to the beach to talk about what had just happened and it's my least favorite conversation we ever have because Belly cries and tells me we have to hit pause. I knew there was nothing I could say that would change her mind but I still try to fight her on it. And when I see that she is being serious about us not being together that's when I give her the infinity necklace. It was the only thing I could think of to do. My way of showing her I'll never give up on us. I clasp the necklace around her neck and we share a moment before we head back to the beach house. Then I go straight to the person who would know how to fix this. The only person who knew the three of us the best.
My mom.
I find her outside on the pier, basking in the sunlight with an easel and paint brushes at her side.
"Ahh. I was beginning to think you were too cool for your mom." She smiles as she sets down her paint brush.
I don't laugh at her joke and she notices the look on my face as I sit down beside her.
"Everything okay, honey?" She asks me and I shake my head, trying to find the words.
Ever since I was a kid, I had a hard time opening up to people and asking for help. I never wanted to be a burden. I had always admired my brother for how open and expressive he was. How everything seemed to come so easily to him. How he just let things roll off of his back. Maybe it was because I was the oldest. I was the one our father put all the pressure on. Adam instilled in me from a very young age to not rely on anyone. To figure it out yourself. To walk it off. Tough it out. Real men don't cry, he'd pat my back and say. But seeing Belly cry shook me up. I had to do something. I had to make things right. And my mom was just the person to know what to say. She would know what to do. I needed her help. So I take a deep breath and I confide in her. I tell her everything that had happened between the three of us and she listens.
"This is my fault." She sighs. "I shouldn't have pushed you to escort her to the Deb Ball."
"It's not your fault." I shake my head. "I wanted to take her. I just didn't know they had kissed until after we-" I trail off, looking down.
"Just give Jere some space." My mom rubs my back to comfort me. "I'm sure he didn't mean what he said to Belly. I think everyone is on edge after last night. He's just hurting. Let him be."
I could hear the pain in her voice as she says it. I knew the night before hadn't gone the way she wanted it to either. Her secret was out. Everyone knew her cancer was back.
I look at her, feeling selfish for focusing on my own problems when hers were bigger than mine. "Are you doing okay?"
She smiles. "You don't have to worry about me. I'd rather talk about you. Are you okay?"
I look back down and shake my head.
"Talk to me, Connie." She whispers.
"Belly wants us to his pause so Jere and I can be there for each other and be there for you."
"Sounds like something our special girl would say." My mom nods. "She's trying to look after you two. A mini Laurel." She laughs.
"I don't want to hurt Jere." I look at her. "But I don't want to lose her either, mom."
"You won't." She shakes her head, smiling like she knew.
"I want to be with her." I look into my mom's eyes. They were the bluest of blue. "I really do."
She takes a moment as we look at each other.
"I know. I see the way you look at her." She smiles. "You care about her a lot, Connie."
And there was no denying it. No hiding from the truth when it came to my mother. She knew.
"And when you care about someone that much, you'll wait." She sighs. "Until it's the right time."
"Yeah." I swallow, looking out at the water.
"Just give it time." She nods. "Everything will work out. You'll find your way back to each other eventually."
I look down. "And if it doesn't?"
"It will." My mom tilts my face up to force me to look at her. "You just have to believe."
And I do. I believe every word my mom says to me on the pier that day.
"After all, this is a magical place." My mom smiles at the water and beauty surrounding us. "And it will always be here for you. For all of you. Don't forget that, okay?"
I nod and she lets go of my chin. She sighs as she gathers her paintbrushes in her tin.
"Alright, now help me clean up." She laughs. "Your mom is getting old."
I help her stand up and when she is standing upright I hug her. My mom had always joked that Jere gave out hugs for free and I was the one who never wanted to be touched. That she would have to practically beg me for a hug. But right now I just needed my mom.
I wasn't sure how many hugs we had left.
"I love you, mom." I close my eyes as I hug her. She felt so frail and weak in my arms.
She is quiet for a moment. "And I love you, Connie." Her voice shakes.
We hug each other tighter and I savor the moment.
"You two are meant to be, honey." She whispers into my ear then she takes my face in her hands as she pulls out of our hug. We have tears in our eyes as we look at each other. "It doesn't matter how much time passes or what happens, that will always remain true." She brushes my windswept hair out of my eyes. "Love conquers all."
I smirk. "Which classic film did you steal that quote from?"
"Actually, it's a story that hasn't been written yet." She smiles with her eyes. "Your story."
I start to tear up as my mom cups my face in her hands like she has done since I was a baby and I hold onto the moment. Somehow I knew it even back then that I was already losing her.
"And I hate to spoil it but this story has a good ending I promise." She winks.
"How do you know?" A tear falls down my cheek.
"I'm your mom." She catches the tear with her hand. "I know everything. I know you."
She teases me and we both laugh. Then she sighs and hugs me one last time.
"Good things come to those who wait, Connie." She says in my ear. "You'll see."
And I would always remember those words. They would keep me going for years.
I wake up to a quiet house.
I had been waking up earlier than usual because of my poor sleep schedule. Not only was it hard for me to stay asleep but it was hard for me to sleep in. The price you pay for a broken heart I guess.
On the way to the bathroom to shower, I see that Jeremiah's bedroom door is open. I usually kept their doors shut when they weren't here. He isn't inside when I pop my head in to check and when I go downstairs, he isn't on the couch where I had left him last night either. I was beginning to think he had left without saying goodbye until I catch a glimpse of him bobbing on a sufboard in the distant ocean.
I spend the Saturday morning like I always do. I water Susannah's garden. I catch up on chores. I get some laundry done. And as I'm writing a grocery list I hear a car pull into the driveway. I check the time on my phone. It was early in the morning for a visitor. I take a peak outside of the window to see who it is and I recognize the car right away. I hide behind the door before he can see me. It was Adam.
"Morning." Jere startles me. He has his arms crossed with a towel over his shoulder. He notices the alarmed look on my face. "Is everything okay?"
"I-I don't know how to tell you this but your dad is outside."
I could tell this was news to him because he uncrosses his arms. And before he can get a word out, I can hear Adam getting off of the phone as he walks up the steps to the porch. He turns the doorkob and I jump out of the way before the door hits me. I had always hated how he never knocked like a decent person. He always barged in like he owned the place but then I remember he sort of did. He opens the door to find Jeremiah and I standing side by side.
"Morning." He says sheepishly. "What are you kids up to?"
"Dad." Jeremiah crosses his arms. "What are you doing here?"
I stay silent as Adam takes off his sunglasses.
"I texted you and Con I was in town." Adam says. "I tried to call you but you weren't picking up. I don't feel good about the way we left things." He looks at me the back at Jere. "Can we talk somewhere private?"
I look at Jere trying to read his expression. Would he want me to stay or want me to go?
"Do you mind?" Jeremiah whispers as he looks down at me with crossed arms.
I could tell he wanted to talk to Adam alone and maybe it was for the best I wasn't around for it. I was grateful I had already showered and I was dressed for the day. I shove the grocery list in my pocket and I nod with a lump in my throat.
"I was just about to run some errands anyways." I step past Adam. "I'll come come back later."
"Thanks." Jere whispers as I shut the front door.
As soon as I get inside of my car, I call my mom. I didn't know who else to call.
"Bean." She answers right away. "Good to hear from you-"
"Adam's in Cousins." I blurt out before she finishes.
"What?"
"Jeremiah is here too. He got into a huge fight with Adam while we were in Spain and I hadn't been talking to him so he showed up to at work yesterday. And now Adam is here and I-"
"Belly, calm down." My mom interrupts my rambling. "What did they get into a fight about?"
And that's when I remember she doesn't know that I know. I close my eyes. She was about to find out.
"Susannah." I answer her then I pause. "I know what Adam has been up to, mom. So does Jere. We both know."
I brace for her reaction as she is silent for a moment. "How long have you both known?"
"Since Spain." I look down.
"Why didn't you say anything, Isabel?"
"I-I thought you would be mad if I knew and I didn't know until Jere texted Conrad."
"I'm not mad, Bean." My mom sighs out of frustration. "I just didn't want everyone to freak out. We're handling things-"
"We?"
"Cleveland, Conrad and I." She pauses. "But something tells me you already knew that if you found out about all of this in Spain."
I look down and we exchange a moment of silence.
Then I start to panic for Jeremiah who is alone inside with Adam. "Mom, what do I do? It doesn't feel right leaving Jere alone with Adam."
"It's going to be okay." My mom's words calm me down. "Adam is all bark and no bite."
"You don't understand." I start to talk fast. "Jeremiah told me about their fight. He said they have never fought like that before. What if-what if Adam tries to do something?"
"He won't." My mom stops me. "I won't let him. Besides, there is nothing he can say or do unless it's through lawyers, Isabel."
I nod then she asks more questions.
"Did he say what he wants? How long ago did he show up there?"
"He just got here." I exhale. "He said he texted both of them. He wants to talk to them."
My mom is quiet on the other end and I really start to panic. "Mom?"
"Hold on. Conrad's calling me." She says. "Let me call you back, Bean."
I wait for her to call me back but as the moments pass me by I can't wait any longer. Whatever Adam had come here to say I decide he was going to have to say it in front of me too. I wasn't going to let him hurt Jeremiah. I wasn't going to let him hurt either of them. So I put on a brave face and I go back inside. It was what my mother would have done. I couldn't leave Jere alone with him. I just couldn't.
But it doesn't matter because when I walk through the door they're not there. And that's when I catch a glimpse of them walking down to the beach outside of the kitchen window.
And I wasn't sure if I should feel scared or relieved.
Conrad:
As I drive past the Cousins sign, a sense of calm washes over me. I had never felt so calm and so sure in my entire life. It was like my mom was there, guiding me every step of the way. I roll down my windows as the ocean breeze welcomes me home. She was everywhere here.
It was still pretty early in the morning and I knew Belly liked to sleep in on Saturdays. So I kill time by getting her flowers at a local shop and to surprise her with her favorite muffins. I couldn't show up empty handed. Not for my girl.
When I get back into my car, I see two missed calls on my phone. They are both from Adam.
Then I see a group text Adam had sent to Jeremiah and I.
Adam:
I'm in Cousins. Let's talk.
I stare at the text, feeling uneasy. I still hadn't talked to Adam since the day of the restaurant so I wasn't sure how he knew I was here even though I was. Then I realize the day of the restaurant had been the same day he saw Belly and I together. Us holding hands. He thought we were still together. Then I grow angry because he knows nothing. He doesn't even know that Jeremiah and I haven't spoken for two weeks. Because of him.
How did he even know Jeremiah was in Cousins? Was he tracking his location? Were they talking again? Was this some sort of set up?
I picture Jeremiah and Belly alone at the beach house then I picture Adam barging in like he always does. I picture him yelling and talking down to them like they were still kids. And it makes my blood boil. I wasn't going to let that happen. Not if I could help it.
I call Laurel on the way to the beach house to update her.
She picks up right away. "Hey, Connie. Where are you?" Her voice sounds uneasy.
"I'm in Cousins and apparently Adam is here too."
"I know." She sighs. "Belly just called me."
"What?" I drive faster. "He's already at the house?"
"He just got there."
"What does he even want?"
"I wish I knew." Laurel says. "He said he wants to talk."
I clench my jaw. "I swear if he tries anything-"
"He won't, Connie. He can't." Laurel reassures me. "We both know he can't say or do anything unless it's through his lawyer, okay?"
I exhale sharply. "Okay."
"Do you need me to drive down there?" She hesitates. "Because I will. I can get into my car right now-"
"No." It was my turn to reassure her. "Jere and I can take care of ourselves. Don't worry."
She sighs into the phone. "Are you sure, Connie? You know I would do anything for you boys."
"I'm sure." I nod. "I'm not afraid of Adam anymore."
She nods to herself and we exchange a moment of silence.
"So you're in Cousins." She brings it up casually.
"Yeah." I swallow. "I just got here this morning."
"I'm glad to hear it." She says. "I think Jeremiah will need you there. He's probably taking this the hardest since he's closest to Adam. Belly says they got into a big fight when he found out." Then she pauses. "I think they both need you there."
"Yeah, I think we all need each other right now."
She pauses. "Conrad, are you sure? I'm happy to make the drive-"
"I got this. I'll take care of it."
"I know you do but you don't have to this alone. I'm here for you. Always."
"Thanks, Laura." I say as I turn down our street. "I'm almost there. I'm going to have to let you go soon."
She sighs. "Okay. Please call me when you can."
"We will."
"And hey, Connie?" She hesitates before she hangs up.
"Yeah?"
"Stay strong, okay?" She says. "For Beck."
I take in her words and I nod then we hang up.
When I pull into the driveway, I see Adam's car first and it triggers me. I take a deep breath before I slam my door. I leave the flowers and muffins in the car. They would have to wait.
When I open the door, it's eerily quiet which I wasn't expecting and I slowly the shut the door behind me. What the hell was going on?
And that's when I see her.
Belly steps into the hallway to see who it is and when she sees that it's me she drops the glass pitcher of lemonade she is holding. It shatters on the floor but her eyes stay locked on mine. And for a moment I forget about everything that is happening with Adam. I only remember what I came here for. Her.
It had been two weeks. Two long and painful weeks without seeing that beautiful face.
"Belly." I cross the room to her. "Are you okay?"
I check to see if the glass had cut her feet or her hands. And that's when I see something else. The charm bracelet around her wrist. She was wearing it. The one I had left for her in Spain.
"I'll take care of this." She narrows her eyes. "They're outside. Adam and Jere."
She leaves me standing there in the hallway then she comes back with a broom and dustpan to clean up the glass. I bend down to try to help her. I wasn't ready to leave her so soon again.
"I got it." She says and she won't even look at me.
Then I stand up and I leave without saying another word.
I couldn't remember the last time our father had been with us on this beach. It only made me madder as I approached them. Stay strong, I repeat Laurel's words in my head.
Jeremiah sees me first. He is standing with crossed arms. "Conrad?"
"Hey." I look at him. "Are you okay?"
My brother nods then Adam turns around to see me and I see red. Didn't he know by now that he wasn't welcome here?
"Conrad." Adam clears his throat. "I'm glad you came."
"I didn't come for you." I shoot him a look.
Adam pauses. "Well, it's about time the three of us talk-"
"It's a little too late for that, don't you think?" I glare at him.
Jeremiah ignores my comment. "Con, hear him out."
"Jere, he'll just use anything we say against us in court." I look back at Adam. "How about you just cut to the chase this time and tell us why you're really here?"
My brother looks at me like I'm still not grasping what he is trying to say. Jere opens his mouth to say something but Adam beats him to it.
"It's not going to court." Adam looks at me. "You have my word."
I scoff. "Do you really think having your word means anything to us anymore?"
"It should." Adam swallows. "I'm still your father."
"Isn't that a title that has to be earned?" I whisper.
Adam looks down and I knew I had gotten to him.
"Look." Adam speaks directly to me. "You have every right to be upset with me, I know that. I didn't come here looking for a fight. I came here to talk to you boys."
And what he says next surprises me.
"I came here to tell you I withdrew the will contestment. It's not happening."
I could tell Adam had already told my brother the news because he doesn't look surprised by it. And I find myself not able to believe it. I wanted to believe in Adam though. I wanted to believe what our father was saying was true. But he had let us down so many times I knew better than that. I knew better than to trust any word that comes out of his mouth. It could be another trick. Another false hope he really is changing. Another lie to get what he wants. And what pissed me off the most about all of this was our father wasn't strapped for cash. His take home salary was more than most households combined yet he still wanted to challenge our late mother's will. And that was why I had a hard time believing anything he said right now. I couldn't allow myself to be affected by him. It would destroy me.
"I wanted you to hear it from me." Adam looks down. "Not through some lawyer you don't know."
I just cross my arms. "And we're supposed to believe that? We'll believe it when we see it."
"Call Laurel." Adam looks at me. "She'll be notified soon."
Jeremiah looks back at me and I look at Adam. Was he really telling the truth this time?
"Say it is true." Jeremiah swallows, looking at Adam. "Why give up now? Why change your mind all of a sudden?"
It was a good question. I was wondering the same thing. We both look to Adam for answers.
"Because I've already lost your mom and I can't lose my boys too." Adam looks at the two of us.
Jere and I exchange a quick look then we both look down, crossing our arms. Steven had told me the fight between Adam and Jeremiah had been bad but I had never thought it had been bad enough to make Adam fear he would lose Jeremiah. Maybe it was the wake up call he needed. Jere wasn't our father's little pawn anymore. Jere could think for himself now.
"When we lost your mom." Adam's voice sounds strained. "We lost the glue to this family."
Our father rarely cried and when he did, it was never in front of us. It was hard to watch him choke up like this. I didn't want to feel anything for him but there was still that small part of me that cared for our father. And he was right. My mom had been the glue that held the fragile parts of this family together and we had lost that. We had lost her forever. And when she left, it felt like she had taken all of the love with her.
"For years, I thought I could bury the pain." Adam shakes his head, looking down with tears in his eyes. "But no amount of money or possessions can erase what I did. I can't outrun the past. She's everywhere." He chokes up again as he looks back up at us again. "I see something that reminds me of your mom every single day and it kills me that I never made things right with her. Then I'm reminded of how much I let her down. How much I let you boys down. And the only way to move on is to face what I did. And that starts by telling the two people I failed the most in this life that I'm sorry." His voice cracks.
Jeremiah and I stay silent as we listen to our father pour his heart out to us. It was a long and painful overdue conversation that we would never forget.
"I've done a lot of things that are unforgivable as a husband and as a father." Adam nods to himself. He quickly wipes away some tears. "And I know my words don't mean much to you boys anymore but for what it's worth I'm sorry for not being the father you boys deserved."
Adam looks at Jere. "And Jeremiah, what you said to me after our fight hasn't left my head. It haunts a father to know that his own son doesn't think he is worthy of his love." He chokes up and Jeremiah does too. "You are my boy. And I do love you. I am proud of you. I was never ashamed of you, Jeremiah. If anything, I was ashamed of myself." Adam looks down.
And that's when my brother starts to break down next to me. He stands tall and tries his best to stay strong but the tears come so fast his body shakes from trying to hold it all in.
Then our father looks at me. He finally looks me in the eye like I had begged him to at the restaurant. And it's enough to almost make me start to cry. I stand my ground as I look at him.
"Conrad." Adam addresses me. "I know you don't need me in your life and you're probably right. You're better off." He chokes up. "But I'm sorry for failing you, son. When I look at you, I see a boy who had to grow up too fast. And I'm sorry all of the pressures and responsibilities fell onto you. I should have been there more for your mom. I should have been there for you boys and I wasn't. And I'll have to live with those mistakes for the rest of my life." Adam looks down.
Silent tears fall from my eyes and I have to look away to keep it together.
"Which brings me to my next point." Adam quickly wipes his face as he takes something out of his pocket. "I came here to deliver something. He extends an envelope towards us. "Take it."
Jeremiah swallows. "We don't want your money, dad."
"It's not for you." Adam swallows. "It's for Laurel."
I look at the envelope to see Laurel's name written on it. And everything clicks in my head. Adam wasn't trying to buy our love or forgiveness. He was trying to reimburse Laurel for everything she had spent to get a lawyer in the first place to fight him on all of this. Little did he know, Cleveland and I were the ones who had taken on that financial burden for her.
He was doing this for Laurel. And for our mom. That's when the tears really start to fall.
"Please." Adam holds out the envelope. "I'm not leaving until somebody takes it."
"Why don't you give it to her yourself?" I look at him. "It would mean more coming from you."
I knew he wouldn't be able to face Laurel after everything he had put her through but it was worth a shot. It would have been nice to see them resolve things in the same way as the beach house. But sometimes that's not the way life goes. Adam was still prideful like that.
"I'll take it to her." Jere offers. "I was planning on heading back today anyways."
"Thanks, son." Adam nods and hands him the envelope.
Jeremiah hugs Adam before he can take a step back and I knew my brother really needed that hug. It was a hard pill to swallow to realize their fight hadn't only been about our mom, but it had been about me. How Adam had favored me over him his whole life. Jeremiah's angry texts he had sent me in Spain made sense now. But I was also proud of my brother for not letting Adam affect him that way anymore. He was finally letting go of it. Our father had always made everything between us a competition and it had hurt our relationship growing up but now that we were adults, Adam couldn't hurt us like that anymore. I look away as I give them their moment.
I don't hug my father. Too much had happened for me to let him in again like that but I do choose to accept his apology. To acknowledge that he was trying to do the right thing. I choose to acknowledge him as my father for the first time in a very long time.
I nod at him. "Thank you, dad."
Maybe one day I would come around. Maybe one day I would forgive our father for all of the shitty things he'd done. But that day wasn't today. There are just some things in life you can't undo. Things that are said that you can't take back. But at least we were moving forward. That was enough for me. It was enough for me to know no one would have to suffer at the hands of my father's actions anymore.
"I should get going." Adam nods. "I still need to finalize a few things. But I'm glad we had this talk. I'm glad we talked in person."
"Me too." Jeremiah agrees.
"Me too." I whisper.
Adam starts to walk past us then he pauses.
"You two remind me so much of her." He looks down at the sand. "I'm glad you got her heart and not mine. Make sure Laurel gets that envelope, alright? See you boys."
Then our father walks past us and leaves without looking back. Classic Adam.
"See you dad." Jeremiah whispers.
Jeremiah and I process everything in silence as we watch the waves. It didn't feel real. Today didn't feel real. Part of me was still on alert. Like I wouldn't be able to fully believe it or relax until I heard the actual words from Laurel herself. Was it really over? Was this all behind us now?
I turn to my brother to check on him. I grip his shoulder. "You okay?"
Jeremiah nods as he watches the waves then he looks at me. "Are you?"
I nod.
"Is this real?" Jeremiah puts his hands behind his head. "Are we finally done with this shit?"
"Yeah." I exhale. "I think we are."
Then out of nowhere my brother apologizes to me.
"I'm sorry for what I texted you while you were in Spain." He looks down at the sand. "It was wrong."
"I'm sorry you had to find out about all of this from dad." I look at him.
He just nods then he looks at the waves. "I can't believe dad backed down. I can't believe he just said all of that. Can you?"
"You did it." I shake his shoulder. "You were the one who got through to him, Jere."
"We both did it." Jere smiles. "We make a pretty damn good team, don't you think?"
"Yeah." I nod with a smirk. "We do."
Then Jere lets out a deep breath. "I should get going if I want to beat the traffic back home. And if I want to drop this off to Laurel before the sun goes down." He holds up the envelope.
I nod then I hesitate. "Do you want me to come with you?"
Jere laughs. "You just got here."
"If you want me to, I will." I shrug. "It's not a problem."
Jere takes a moment as he crosses his arms. "I'm a big boy. I can drive myself." Then he sighs. "Besides, we both know you didn't just come here for me. You came here for her."
"Yeah, I did." I say as I watch the waves. "But that was before Adam-" I trail off.
That was before Adam happened.
"And now that's all over with." Jere looks at me. "You should stay. You have some unfinished business here." He looks past me as he says it.
"You should have seen her face." I whisper. "I don't know if I should stay."
"I do." Jere interrupts.
He nods, looking past me and I follow his eyes to find Belly walking up to us in the distance.
Jeremiah puts a hand on my shoulder with a knowing look on his face. "You two should talk."
"I'm not sure she wants to-"
"Well, that's too bad." Jeremiah laughs. "It's happening."
I don't say anything and Jere sighs.
"I'll talk to her first." Jere nods. "Wait here."
Then he walks over to Belly and they walk back towards the house.
As I sit down to watch the waves and process the events of the day, Laurel eventually calls me. She cries telling me the good news and I tell her we already know. I tell her everything that had happened with Adam and we talk for a long time. I leave out the part with the envelope though. I wanted my brother to be the one to deliver that good news. Our mother would like that.
As soon as we are back inside of the house, I look at Jere. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"
"We did it." Jeremiah smiles.
"What?" I blink.
"We did it, Bells." Jeremiah laughs like he can't believe it. "He's not going through with it."
I stare at him in shock.
"Adam withdrew the will contestment." Jeremiah says with tears in his eyes. "He came to Cousins to tell us that in person."
"Oh my god, Jere." I breathe. "Does my mom know?"
"I think so. And if she doesn't, she will after I give her this."
He holds up an envelope and I see my mother's name on it. "What is that?"
"Our dad is paying Laurel back for every penny." Jeremiah says. "Little does he know this is probably going straight to Cleveland and Conrad."
"Wow." I shake my head. "I can't believe he finally came around."
"It worked, Bells. I got through to him." Jere pauses. "Well, we both did. Conrad helped."
"I can't believe it." I shake my head as I sit down in the barstool. "It's over."
"It's over." Jeremiah echoes.
"I don't even know what to say." I smile as I look past him out of the window then I see Conrad alone in the sand on the phone. I wondered if he was talking to my mother.
"How are is he?"
"Why don't you ask him yourself?"
I look at Jere and he looks at me.
He sighs after a moment of silence. "I know what you're thinking."
"No, you don't."
"Yes, I do." Jeremiah laughs. "ESP, remember?"
I hop off the barstool to avoid his stare. I knew this was coming.
"You have to talk to him, Bells. I meant what I said to you last night."
"Do you really think now is a good time after everything that happened with Adam?" I lean against the counter, crossing my arms.
"If you don't do it now, you never will." Jere looks at me. "Besides, aren't you wondering why Conrad showed up out of the blue today?"
"He probably came because Adam was here." I shrug.
"No." Jere looks at me. "Adam showed up before Conrad. You know that."
I look at Jere.
"He came here for you and I think you know it." Jeremiah looks into my eyes. "You have to talk to him, Bells. Come on."
"Jere." I close my eyes. "You weren't there that night in Spain. I was awful to him. I said things that can't be taken back. It'll never be the same-"
Jeremiah interrupts me. "And I said some awful things to him over text and we're good now. You don't really have a choice, Bells. You're going to be alone with him today. You have to talk."
"You don't understand." I look him in the eye. "He left Spain because of me, Jere. Because of what I did. What I said. I'm not sure that's something we can just bounce back from."
Jere is silent for a moment.
"Maybe you're right." He nods. "And maybe you're wrong. You'll never know if you don't try. And Conrad is trying. He drove all this way to come see you. You can't avoid him forever."
"What am I even supposed to say to him?" I whisper, looking out the window.
"You can start by telling him you're sorry." Jere says and I look at him. "I can tell something has been eating away at you, Bells, and it's not going to go away until you two have a proper conversation. You both owe it to yourselves to try. You know I'm right."
I sigh, giving in. "You're right."
"I always am." He winks in his Jere way and it reminds me of something Taylor would say.
He was right. I had to apologize to Conrad for that night. It was eating away at me. I had to do right by Conrad because he had always done right by me. I owed him that. I owed Susannah that. I owed it to ourselves to make up for that night. Even if it was the last thing I did for him.
Jeremiah gathers his things to leave and I walk him out to his car once he is ready to go.
"Thank you for taking that to her." I nod at the envelope. "I'm sure she's over the moon."
"Of course." He smiles. "Anything for Laurel."
"Drive safe, Jere." I give him a quick side hug.
"I always do." He winks as he lets me go. "And hey, you got this. Conrad isn't as scary as Adam if that makes you feel better. We all know he is a teddybear on the inside."
It gets a laugh out of me and I nod. I start to walk back towards the beach house.
"Hey, Bells?" He says before I reach the door.
I turn around to look at him. "Yeah?"
"Thank you."
"For what?" I almost laugh. If anything, he had been the one helping me and Conrad today.
"For keeping the magic alive." He says it as he looks past me. He was looking at the beach house admiring it in all of its glory. "For taking such good care of this place and somehow making it feel like it's still home." He looks back at me. "Thank you."
"It is home." I smile at him. "And it will always be here for you."
It was something Susannah had said to me once and I had never forgotten it. I could tell it touched him too.
He smiles then he opens his driver door. "See you around, Bells."
"See you, Jere."
I watch him leave and I wave at him one last time before I close the front door.
Conrad is sitting in the sand with his back to me as I approach him. He isn't on the phone anymore. And it's all too familiar. We had been here so many times before. In this exact spot. But I wasn't going to let today happen like all of the other times. I was going to apologize to him. I was going to make things right. I was going to face him and do the right thing.
As I get closer, I memorize the sight of him. I had missed everything about him. I take a deep breath before I make my presence known. This was it. It was now or never.
Conrad:
I still couldn't believe it as I watched the waves.
Adam had finally come around. He had finally shown up as the father I once knew him to be. Sure it had taken him months but what mattered to me was he had come around at all. Jere and I had finally gotten through to him and it was the sweetest taste of victory. Because our mom could finally rest in peace now. It was all over.
I close my eyes as I tilt my face towards the sun and for the first time in a long time, I feel okay.
My mom was right. This was a magical place. A place where everything works out.
There was just one thing missing.
"Hey." Belly says from behind me as if she had heard my thoughts.
I know it's her without even having to turn around. She comes up to sit beside me on my left.
"Jere told me what happened with Adam." She looks out at the waves. "I guess we can all have peace now, huh?" Then she looks up at the sky and I know she's talking about my mom.
I was surprised she brought it up right away. After all, it was what we had fought about in Spain. She puts her knees up to her chest and that's when I see it. The charm bracelet shimmering under the sun. And it gives me the courage to say what I'm thinking out loud.
"You're wearing it." I whisper.
She is confused at first then she follows my eyes to the charm bracelet on her wrist.
"You said it belongs to me." She says after a moment. "You said to wear it."
"And I meant every word." My eyes flash to hers.
"And your letter?" She looks into my eyes. "Did you mean every word of that too?"
I could see in her eyes what my final letter had done to her and it breaks my heart. I look down.
"Why did you leave?" Her voice shakes. "You-you told me I needed to figure out what I wanted and you didn't even give me a chance to tell you. You-you left without saying goodbye."
"You made it clear what you wanted that night when you didn't come after me." I look at her. "You begged me to do it. You begged me to let you go, Belly."
"I didn't mean it." She closes her eyes. "What I said to you that night on the bridge I didn't mean it."
It reminds me of what I had said to her in the motel many years ago and it hurts.
"And I'm sorry." She opens her eyes to look at me. She has tears in her eyes.
"I'm sorry that I made that night all about me when it was about Susannah."
She continues.
"I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you in the way that I should have been. Sometimes I let my emotions get the best of me but I'm working on it. I really am." She pauses. "I think I was just so upset with what was happening to Susannah I took it all out on you. And I should have looked past my own grief to see that you were hurting the most. I should have been more understanding. I should have been better to you. All I could think about was it felt like it was the funeral all over again. I'm so sorry."
"Belly-" I start to tear up too.
"Please, Conrad." She closes her eyes. "Please just let me say this. I need to get this out."
And I listen. I let her take all of the time she needs. She looks back out at the ocean waves and she takes a deep breath before she looks back at me.
"And I want you to know it was real for me too. I know what we had was real." She looks into my eyes. "And you were right about everything that night. I had no right to yell at you for holding back when I was holding back too. I had no right to be mad at you when none of this was your fault. And I wasn't mad at you. I was mad at myself." She looks down. "Mad at myself because I knew what we had was real and I still held back. I was so afraid of getting hurt by you again that I'm the one who ended up hurting us in the end and I'm so incredibly sorry for my part in all of this, Conrad." Her voice shakes. "And I hope this apology comes off genuine because I mean every word. Of course I care about you. Of course I do. That's my problem. I've always cared a little too much when it comes to you. And I want you to know I don't hate you for what you did. I understand why you left that night. I understand why you couldn't do it anymore. And the past two weeks haven't been easy but I'm learning from it. I'm choosing to grow from it. To become a better person. And I just couldn't let you leave again without you knowing all of this."
Belly exhales sharply, feeling like a large weight has been lifted off of her chest. Off of her heart. But it felt like my heart was breaking.
"There. Now you know everything" She stands up. "I'll leave you alone now."
After Spain, I took as many shifts as I could to keep myself busy which included working most Saturday afternoons. It was our busiest day which made for the best tips and I was grateful to be scheduled for a shift that afternoon. Although I had gotten everything out that I had wanted to say to him I wasn't sure I could spend an entire afternoon alone with Conrad in that house. Besides it was better this way. He would be long gone by the time I was back. At least I had finally done it. Said the words out loud to his face. Maybe not the exact words I had planned to say to him that night in Spain but at least I had apologized for that night. I had done the right hard thing.
When I pull up to the beach house after my shift later that night, I'm surprised when I see his car is still there.
And it does something to my heart.
All of the lights are off when I step inside which doesn't surprise me. I had gotten home an hour later than I usually did because of how busy the dinner crowd had been. It was late. Before I go upstairs, I see flowers and muffins on the dining room table. And I stare at them for a few minutes with an ache in my heart. So he had come for me.
His bedroom door is closed when I get upstairs. He was probably asleep. It was late. And I was grateful because it had been a long day for him too. He could rest now that the Adam situation was resolved. But as I climb into my own bed that night I find it hard to fall asleep. I felt wired. I toss and turn then when I can't take it anymore I toss my comforter off of me and I change into my swimsuit.
I don't swim my usual laps right away. Instead, I float in the water as I look up at the night sky. The air felt different tonight. Even the stars looked different. Everything was so still and bright. Like the entire world was asleep and I had it all to myself. I close my eyes as I let the events of the day slip away then I swim laps to drown out the noise inside of my head and heart.
He had come for me.
I am on my fifth lap when my foot hits something in the water. I rise to the surface to find him sitting at the edge of the pool in his spot. And I wonder how long he had sat there watching me.
We don't say anything to each other at first. Our eyes communicate before our mouths do.
"Where have you been?" Conrad breaks the silence first.
I was surprised he even cared enough to ask but then again, he had come all this way to talk. To see me.
"At the Country Club."
His face seems relieved. He looks down.
"I thought you left." He looks down then back up at me.
I shake my head as I look up at the beach house. I wasn't sure how I was ever going to leave this place. How could I?
"Never." I say as turn to look at him.
Without saying another word, Conrad stands up and he takes his shirt off. He walks over to the edge of the pool and he steps into the water. He had never done this before. Joined me for one of my late night swims.
"Is this okay?" He hesitates.
"It's your house too." I nod.
His eyes stay locked on mine as he swims closer to me. We were a foot away from each other now.
"I let you say what you needed to say earlier." Conrad looks into my eyes. "Now it's my turn."
I nod then I take a deep breath as I wait for him to say what he needs to say. I felt like I was holding my breath.
"You came after me." He blinks like he still can't believe it.
I look down at the water. "How-how did you-"
"Steven called me last night." He explains. "He said you went to the airport looking for me but it was too late."
I flinch. It hurt to think about that night. It had felt so final. Just like the wedding day.
"Can I ask you something?" He whispers.
I look back up at him.
His face looks pained. "Why didn't you say anything?"
I hesitate. "I-I tried but your-your phone was off-"
"No." Conrad steps closer. "I mean, why have we spent the past two weeks apart if you came after me? Why didn't you say anything to me when you got back?"
It was a good question. I still hadn't come up with a good answer. I look down again.
"I guess I thought it wouldn't matter." I whisper. "That it was over between us."
"It's not over." He steps closer and the proximity of it all scares me. "It'll never be over."
"Conrad." I close my eyes.
"Please." He begs me and I open my eyes to look at him. "I let you talk. Now it's my turn. No more holding back, Belly."
I suck in a breath to prepare my heart for whatever he was about to say then I give him my full and undivided attention.
"Belly." He breathes and the entire world falls silent around us.
The way he is looking at me makes me hold my breath and I have to remind myself to breathe.
"You are in every single one of my top moments." Conrad starts and I blink.
"You are all I have ever known." Conrad shakes his head. "And you are all I'll ever want to know. There is no one like you. There is no one out there for me but you. I don't need to search the world to know it. I've known it since we were kids. Remember when you first told me you loved me and that everyone else was like saltines compared to me?" He pauses and I nod.
"That scared me because I knew I felt the exact same way about you and we were teenagers! I was just a boy who didn't know any better but now I do." He exhales. "And I know what I want. It's you. It's always been you and I'm tired of trying to live in a world without you in it, Isabel. I almost didn't get on that damn plane because it killed me to write you that letter. I was questioning everything. Even after I left, I was questioning who I was because I don't know who I am without you. I don't want to be without you. The only reason I left was because I thought I was giving you what you wanted. I thought you didn't want us anymore. And it killed me to see you cry like that. It nearly killed me to let you go but I was willing to do the right thing if that's what made you happy. And I've missed you like hell for two weeks not knowing that you came after me. Not knowing that you have been feeling the same way." His voice cracks.
With every word, I could feel my heart come back to life. I had waited years for this moment. Years to hear these words flow from him. And it had been worth the wait.
"The truth is you don't need me to tell you that I love you because you know I do." He tears up. "And I really do, Isabel. I love you so much that it hurts when we're apart. I love you so much that I let you go so you could be happy. And I don't need you to tell me that you love me. We've never been that couple who has to say it. We just know it. We've always known it. It's always been there. Here." Conrad's hand finds mine underwater and he presses my hand against his chest. Against his heart. "The truth is, Belly, I think we've loved each other for so long there is no starting or ending point." He looks into my eyes. "There's just-"
"Infinity." I blink.
"Yeah." He lowers my hand from his chest and his fingers interlace with mine. "Infinity."
He holds my hand and his eyes are the greenest blue I've ever seen with the reflection of the stars and pool. I had never felt so captured by a moment or another person in my entire life.
"And about what you said to me on the beach earlier. Of course I forgive you." He steps closer. "But you did lie again when you said what he had was real. Because what we have is real, Isabel. This is real. I knew it from the moment I tried to win you that damn bear at the ring toss as kids. I knew it from the first moment we kissed that it was you. I knew it when I saw you at your graduation. I knew it when my mom said she'd only ever seen me in love once and that was with you. And I knew it when I saw you wearing the charm bracelet today." He finds my other hand until he is holding both of my hands underwater. "And I know we're not perfect. We have hurt each other. We both have things to work on. But I meant it when I said you were it for me when I was 17 and I mean it even more now." His thumb circles my hand underwater. "I would rather be working on things with you than be with anyone else. I could never trust or love another girl the same way that I am with you. And I don't want to keep repeating history either. I don't want another night like Spain. I don't want to waste any more of the precious time we have left together because you are it for me, Isabel Conklin. You are what I need. You are what I want. You are my past. My future. My present. Belly, you are my everything."
There are few moments in life that are as rare and as special and real as this moment was. And I wasn't going to take it for granted this time. I wasn't going to hold back. I was going to make it count. This was it.
I let go of one of his hands underwater to trace his cheek as his tears fall and I realize it's the only face I want to know for the rest of my life. It's the only face that I've ever loved. And that's when the words come to me.
"I love you to infinity." I whisper as I trace his cheek.
It was the words that were engraved into the small box that he had given me. The one that had held the charm bracelet.
He doesn't break eye contact as he moves closer and when there is no more space left between us, he kisses me like I'd never been kissed before. And for once it feels like we had finally gotten it right. Like the stars had aligned for us tonight. Like our hearts were in sync, only beating for each other's and it's better than anything I could have ever imagined. It was real. It was love.
"I love you too, Isabel Conklin." Conrad lifts me out of the water as he kisses me. "And I'm never letting you go again."
Was this it? Our start to forever?
When I imagined forever, it was always with the same boy. But what I could have never guessed was what we would have to go through to end up at our forever. How much growing we would have to do apart to come back stronger together. And here we were finally making our way back to each other just like Susannah had promised.
My mom had once told me you know you are with the right person when you don't care if it's too hot or too safe, it'll just feel right. And I had never really understood that until this moment.
Because being with Conrad had never felt so right. It felt like we were on top of the world. Like we had gotten through the thick of it and I suppose we had. And what made our love both safe and electric was despite it all, our hearts had never stopped looking for each other's. We had never given up on each other. We had never stopped loving each other. Because how could we?
We were made for each other. We were meant to be.
Conrad wraps a towel around me and he scoops me back up into his arms to carry me inside. His body was warm against mine and it send electric jolts through me as he kisses me. He kicks open the door without breaking our kiss then he sets me back down on my feet once we're inside. He kisses me one more time before he breaks away and I shiver from the thrill of it all. From his touch.
"Are you cold?" He brushes loose strands of wet hair out of my face.
I shake my head no even though the answer is yes as I kiss him again.
He kisses me then he pulls away and laughs. "Want me to start a fire?"
"It's summer." I laugh.
He just laughs and kisses my hand. "Come here."
He leads by the hand to the living room and I watch him as he tends to the fire. I realize just how much I had missed him. How much I needed him. How much I loved him. How much I never wanted to be away from him for that long ever again. When he pulls away from the fire to look at me, I initiate the kiss this time. I surprise him with a kiss slow and long. I was going to savor tonight. Really make it count. And he must have been thinking the same thing. Because he doesn't hesitate. He doesn't stop. Neither of us do. We had been here before and we pick up where we had left off.
I suddenly feel very nervous when it comes time for me to drop the towel and I grip the towel that was still wrapped around me tighter. He notices my body language and breaks away from our kiss.
"Don't." He whispers, the fire reflecting in his eyes. "I love all of you."
I wrap my arms around his neck as I look into his eyes and he drops the towel so fast it takes my breath away.
That night Conrad and I give ourselves to each other. And he was right when he said that it would be worth the wait. Because it was. He was worth the wait. Although we were much older now, one thing remained the same. We were still the same summer kids in love underneath it all. He was still my Conrad and I was still his Belly. And that would never ever ever ever change. I knew it from the moment I saw him at my graduation to now. My heart just knew it. And I knew whatever life had in store for us next, we could get through it because his hand would be the one in mine.
He lays me down gently then he leans down to kiss me like he had done before. During our first time but this time his hands pin mine to the ground, his fingers interlacing with mine. And his thumb circles small infinities on my hand. Claiming me as his. He was mine and I was his.
We had made it. Our hearts were home. We were one.
Me and Conrad.
The first boy I ever slow danced with, ever cried over. Ever loved.
"I'm Kissing You" by Des'ree fades out in the background:
Pride can stand
A thousand trials
The strong will never fall
But watching stars without you
My soul cried
Heaving heart is full of pain
Oh, oh, the aching
'Cause I'm kissing you, oh
I'm kissing you
Touch me deep
Pure and true
Gift to me forever
'Cause I'm kissing you, oh
I'm kissing you, oh