Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball or Inuyasha.
Betaed by: Zim'sMostLoyalServant and my best friend.
LAST TIME ON DRAGON BALL IJ:
Old rivalries are reborn!
While investigating the rumors of a witch and her dragon robbing towns, the Son siblings discovered it was actually the work of a dork named Yurin. Who in turn was rescued by Tienshehan and Chiaotzu of the Crane School, who had been her partners in a con job.
But these were no mere con artists, they were high level martial artists under the banner of the Crane Hermit, rival to the Kame Senin, our own perverted Muten Roshi!
Tien, intrigued, clashed with Launch while Goku engaged with Chiaotzu. Before anything could be settled though, Tien withdrew with his comrades, satisfied to have gotten a taste of the reigning champion and preferring to pick up the rivalry in the Budokai itself.
But unknown to our heroes, in those very mountains Bulma has been training under Tien's tutelage in preparation to face them in that very same Budokai!
As the fated reunion draws nearer, what awaits for the students of the Kame School? Find out now, on Dragon Ball: Intended Journey!
Chapter 27
Hammer Time
Yet Another Fetch Quest for Honor and Glory
"Ah, it's an unsung benefit of being a master, moments like this. The times your past students come by to call and you can catch up on all the things great and small in life over some tea and snacks," Roshi mused wistfully as he sipped the tea and nodded.
"Though typically I believe it involves a bit less violence," the old master admitted, entering the Kame House sitting room where students past and present waited.
"You know, Master Roshi, maybe next time you should handle the 'burglars'," Yamcha said, holding an ice pack to his head while Mai had a piece of raw beef held to her eye. Likewise, their guests Krillin and Chichi were a bit roughed up, with Chichi having stuffed bits of tissue up her nostrils to stop the bleeding, and Krillin had a large bruise on the top left of his head.
"Now, now, errors are just another road to learning. It is time well spent so long as you take it to heart," Roshi said, pouring tea for five at the table.
"Yes, sensei," Yamcha said along with the girls, while Krillin gave the old man a look.
"Well, anyway, what are you two doing back here? I didn't expect to see you until the tournament," Roshi said, taking his own place at the table.
"Well, we've been training real hard. We even went on an adventure to Demon World," Krillin said. Roshi nodded, sipping his tea, while Mai and Yamcha gaped.
"Ah yes, such is the… What!? You went to Demon World!? How? Why? How did you two survive?!" Roshi spat, drenching his two guests. Chichi wiped the tea and spit off her face and counted off with her fingers.
"Yes. We went through the Fiend Gate. To rescue the fair Princess Misa from an evil villain that wanted to marry her. We got away and Daddy closed the gate by pulling out the fancy sword," she concluded.
"…Well, that's something," Roshi gulped, taking a napkin to wipe off his brow.
"That's impressive," Yamcha said, a stunned Mai nodding.
"Anyway, a giant demon named Gola caught Chichi in his mouth, and she kicked one of his teeth out. A demon woman said it would make a good war hammer, and Chichi thinks it would impress Goku if she had her own magic weapon like his power pole," Krillin explained. Chichi nodded, sipping her tea before speaking.
"At first I thought it would be cool to make Goku a present, but the power pole is legendary weapon from his grandfather. That's hard to top, so instead I thought we could match with me having a mighty weapon of my own. But not even my dad could get the tooth to melt! Not with the hottest fire we could build or his strength trying to forge it," Chichi said. Pulling out a capsule, she turned at her place, pressed it, and tossed it to the floor. With a puff of smoke, a pointy tooth a bit bigger than the television appeared on the floor.
"Something that big tried to eat you?" Mai blanched.
"Well, he claimed Chichi leapt into his mouth," Krillin remarked.
"Anyway, Master Roshi, you know a lot of stuff, is there anyone who can make this into a weapon that can impress Goku?" Chichi asked.
Roshi adjusted his shades, got up, and went over to tap the tooth several times with his walking stick.
"Hmmm," Roshi said. He stood there for about two minutes.
"Well, this is… a very big tooth," Roshi concluded, making them all facefault.
"Is that 'no, you don't know anyone'?" Krillin asked, getting up.
"Well, there's not much call for freshly-made enchanted weapons these days, kids. Most people either want ancient legendary weapons, draw the power from within themselves, or go straight up science-fiction instead. Hmm, well, there might be one smith who is still up to the job," Roshi mused.
"Who?" Chichi asked, leaning forward.
"His name is Totosai, once known as the 'God of the Forge'. Like me, he originates from the days before the Piccolo Wars. A smith of such uncommon skill who made great and terrible weapons, some even said he had demon or divine blood. Anyway, after the demons became scarce and peace broke out with the Unification Wars, his business declined and the man mostly retired. I never heard he was dead, so he might still be around," Roshi mused.
"Do you have his address?" Chichi asked.
"He's an ancient craftsman, Chichi, I don't think they had mail back then," Krillin commented. Roshi bonked the former monk over the head with his walking stick.
"Actually, we did have a postal service back then, thank you very much. And let's see, I think I have a map still showing which volcano he lives in," Roshi muttered, going over to a closet.
"Volcano?" Mai asked.
"Well, what did you expect? For him to live in a swamp?" Roshi asked, rummaging out of sight, with odds and ends tossed out.
"So, have you two seen Goku since we split up at the tournament? What about the twins?" Chichi asked Yamcha.
Yamcha and Mai recounted their experiences with the Red Ribbon Army and later with Baba's champions. Meanwhile, Roshi drafted Turtle and Puar into helping him find the lost map to "that guy I used to know".
Chichi was practically sparkling when Mai and Yamcha were done speaking. Krillin sipped his tea, trying to cover up being stunned at the news.
"Wow, Goku is even more amazing than I thought! We'll have to train even harder, right Krillin?" Chichi said as they finished up the light lunch she had fixed while Roshi plowed the depths of an ancient master's clutter.
"Aha! I found it!" Roshi declared, smacking the map onto the table.
"So, he lives here?" Krillin asked, unrolling the map.
"If he's still alive, I'd say. That old coot always was too set in his ways. Not sure he'll take you up on a commission. Hmm, there is something you can do to grease the wheels, though," Roshi mused as everyone took a look at the map.
"What?" Chichi asked.
"Bring him some high-quality beef," Roshi stated, his shades catching the light.
"Beef?" Krillin asked.
"Yeah, whenever he wanted to stab, slash, or chop me, a bit of high-quality moo-moo meat was enough to get him to sit down and talk business. Er, incidentally, you might not want to wear Turtle uniforms when you go to see him. Or mention that I sent you. Or mention me at all," Roshi said, sweating a little.
"Did you do something to anger him, Master?" Mai asked, eyes narrowing.
"Oh no, forget I even said anything! I mean, now that I think twice, it was such a small thing and so long ago. Why, the senile old codger has probably forgotten all about that silly incident in Kumo."
"Kumo, Master?" Yamcha asked, while Chichi wrinkled her nose in thought.
"Oh, nothing worth dwelling on. In fact, you two!" Roshi snapped, pointing to his current students.
"Us? Yamcha and Mai asked, pointing to themselves.
"You've gotten a bit too comfortable in the routine around here. So, accompany these two on their quest and put some of those skills to use, why dontcha?!" Roshi declared, going into master mode.
"Quest? It's more like placing an ord-" Chichi spoke up.
"Good luck! Hope you youngsters make it back alive someday!" Roshi said, ducking out of the room.
Two Days Later:
"Well, looks like this is it," Chichi said, lowering the map to look at the side of the volcano, to the cave whose mouth was shaped like a four-fanged one-eyed monster.
"The map didn't mention the town. And what happened to the Meadow of Horrors and the Haunted Hot Springs?" Krillin pointed out. Beneath the mountain laid a modern town, complete with a train station and a hot spring resort.
"That map is old, Krillin, there was bound to be a few changes. At least we know the smith seems to still be alive," Yamcha pointed out. He was referring to the mailbox by the trail, where it split off from a hiking trail that bore the name Totosai and had the red flag up presently.
"Well, this is probably where things get hard," Mai remarked, hands on her hips, staring at the spooky cave.
"Why's that?" Chichi asked.
"Well, it's been so easy so far, we'll probably have to fetch him ingredients or something to make this more interesting," Mai remarked.
X X X
"So, you managed to get past my traps, didya? Well, fair is fair, I guess. I have no choice now but to agree to your demands," The old smith said, sighing on the tatami mat that sat in the midst of the dusty workshop situated in the cave. Th man himself was skinny, with male pattern baldness, deep wrinkles, squinty eyes behind bottle cap glasses, and a right arm that was almost grotesquely buff compared to the rest of him.
"Huh? They weren't so hard, I just punched the giant stone ball," Chichi recalled.
"And we just dodged the darts," Mai pointed out.
"And we leapt over the gaping pit of despair instead of using the tightrope," Yamcha stated.
"I'm not sure what the trapdoor was about, we just went through the door," Krillin said.
"Well, they are training scouts better these days, I guess. So, I'll take ten boxes of non-mints, and no, I am not interested in any other of those cookies. Ten boxes should be enough," Totosai snapped.
"You think we're selling cookies?" Krillin asked.
"Well, you're too poorly dressed to be missionaries, and too friendly to be with the government, and my debt with Kevin has been settled with blood and honor. So, there's nothing left but scouts hawking their wares," Totosai explained, as if it was obvious. Chichi took out her capsule and pressed it, throwing it down to reveal the tooth.
"I want you to make that into an epic yet femininely-elegant war hammer, please sir," she said.
"…Did you bring beef?" Totosai asked. A bloodstained paper package half his size was tossed onto the floor in front of him.
"…First I eat, then we talk," he declared, picking the beef up with his buff arm.
X X X
Totosai's furnishing seemed to consist solely of mats and rocks if it wasn't related to his craft. Case in point, he cooked the meat on a crude stone grill, and ate off a wide flat-topped rock for a table. No plates, just plopped the barely cooked beef and assortment of cooked vegetables on it, and with no utensils but a knife, started eating.
"To be clear, you are not getting any," he said around a mouthful of beef. The four sweatdropped.
"That's not being a very gracious host," Mai pointed out.
"I didn't invite you, so you're not guests. And I haven't agreed to anything, so you're not customers either. Be grateful I don't tell you to wait outside upon my leisure," the old man stated. There was no heat in the words; if anything, he sounded bored by the explanation.
"And I thought Master Roshi could be obnoxious," Krillin muttered. Tension snapped over them in the room, and Totosai glared and dramatically swallowed a mouthful of beef.
"What was that? Did you just mention that pond scum Roshi?" he demanded, glasses turning opaque.
'Good thing Chichi and I switched into resort gift shop clothes before coming up here,' Krillin thought under that intense aura. Yamcha and Mai had yet to complete the Kame training, so they didn't have Turtle School gis yet to start with.
"Yeah, he groped the girls here while we asked him about your whereabouts," Yamcha stammered. The girls cried out at that, but Krillin rolled with it.
"Yeah, he knew his stuff, pointing us to you, but he's a real jerk," Krillin said fast. The aura dispersed, and Totosai hacked off another piece of beef.
"Well, that does sound like that punk. Never trust a guy over the age of thirty who wears sunglasses indoors," Totosai said, pointing at them with the knife.
"…So, about my hammer?" Chichi asked.
"What's a cute little giantess like you want with a hammer?"
"You can tell my blood?" Chichi asked.
"Yes. And the answer to my question?"
"I want to impress my intended by hitting bad guys with it," Chichi said. Krillin facepalmed at that. This ancient codger was probably way old-fashioned and would object to a woman fighting. Maybe they should have said it was for Yamcha.
"That figures. You even have a tail, so your barbarian pride is probably extra spicy. Fine then, never get between a giantess and her chosen or children. Feel sorry for the fellow, but hey, it ain't my bacon on the grill, is it? You willing to pay?" he asked. Chichi knelt before the stone table and placed a heavy sack on it. Totosai took it out, inspected the gold coin, bent it over with his thumb, and nodded after tossing it to test the heft.
"Looks like I owe you my best work, and this," he said, plucking out a half-dozen coins and tossing them to Chichi.
"What are those coins for?" Krillin asked, as Chichi looked at the gold tossed back to her.
"Change. I may be an old mystic crafter hermit, but I'm a straight shooter of a businessman."
"Oh, how honorable," Mai commented, eyes sparkling a bit.
"But fact is, I don't have everything I need to make something out of a fang from a Demon World demon like that," he said, gesturing to the giant tooth. Then he went back to eating.
After about five minutes, Chichi spoke up.
"So, what do you need?" she asked.
"Impatient, huh? Well, as a matter of fact, you four will need to go on three perilous quests if you want this war hammer made. First two, pair off boy and girl. Then all your power combined will be needed for the final quest. You know, the usual for this stuff," he shrugged.
X X X
"So, the twins have their own Nimbus now?" Chichi asked Mai as they left their hover car to ascend the goat trail by the dirt road.
"Yeah, apparently there's a master out there who awards them for completing his training," Mai said as they went up the trail.
"Hmph, and Master Roshi said he had gotten it from a kami. It would have been impressive enough to say he earned it from another master," Chichi huffed.
"Hard to believe you two finished the training in less than a year. All this time, and I think I'm hardly stronger," Mai said hours later as they broke for lunch, sitting on a relatively flat-topped boulder. Chichi nodded around the riceball she was eating, and lashed out with a punch, which Mai blocked.
"Hey!" Mai protested, springing to her feet, chopsticks at the ready.
"See, you have gotten stronger," Chichi cheered. Then both women lamented the rice spilled from Mai's bowl.
"Why would an island be in the mountains?" Mai asked later, as they walked along a narrower trail. Chichi shrugged, picking up a goat with one hand and putting it back on the path behind them with one hand. The animal skipped off as she waved goodbye.
"It's a secret island of shrine maidens, so I guess it makes sense it would be where you would look last. Probably protected by some sacred beast we'll have to battle," Chichi mused. Mai gulped, picturing some angry Buddha with lots of pointy teeth and a mace.
"I think I'd rather go gather wood with the boys," Mai said.
Mount Whatsittoya:
"That troll was quite a fighter," Yamcha said as they continued to climb the cliff face.
"Yeah, but we didn't have to beat him, just take the hat off his head," Krillin said.
"Still, don't you think we should have focused on winning the fight instead, after all, what are we training for?" Yamcha said as they continued.
"This isn't some quest to save the world, Chichi wants a neat magic weapon to impress Goku," Krillin reminded him.
"Well, yes, but still. I wonder how Launch is doing?" Yamcha wondered.
"Knowing her she's doing fine, it's anyone near her who's not Goku you should wonder about," Krillin commented as they hauled themselves up onto a plateau, where a grinning orange ogre wearing a loincloth and a breastplate held a mace menacingly.
"So, we have to fight you too, mister?" Yamcha asked as they stood up on the plateau.
"Only if you fail to answer one and only one question: A train leaves West City traveling at 75 miles per hour. At the same time, a car leaves East City traveling 50 kilometers an hour. And fifteen minutes prior, a demon horse ridden by a goddess leaves Orange Star City traveling 69 ri per half hour! At what time will…" the ogre told them, as they began to sweat.
Back with Mai and Chichi:
"How can you not have any zeni?" Chichi huffed. The two stood on a dock stretching into a misty and mysterious lake, the sole rowboat having a sign with a collection box next to it.
'Suggested donation 50 zeni,' it read.
"I'm living off an allowance from Roshi since my investment in beach property turned sour, and I left my wallet back at Kame House. Besides, you have gold," Mai pointed out.
"Exactly, gold is not zeni. Who knows what guardian of the deep will attack us if we don't give the proper offering."
"I think it might give us a lift for overpaying."
"Listen Mai, if I asked you to give me a goat and you gave me a cow instead, I would not just say a cow is better than a goat, because I probably needed that goat, not a cow. So, I would refuse your cow until you got me that goat, understand?"
"…No," Mai said, sweatdroppinhg a bit.
One Argument Later:
"Well, that was brisk, and no lake monster," Chichi said, wringing her tourist shirt out as she walked onto the island's beach. Mai came up onto the pebbled shore after her, spitting out a bit of lake water and wringing out her braid.
"So, the purifying water is in the island's center. We are sure it's the right island, right?" Mai asked.
"Yes indeed," Chichi said, stepping aside to reveal a white sign with red writing.
'Welcome to the Secret Island of Shrine Maidens, Impure Men Will Explode,' it read.
"That's, a bit dark," Mai said.
"Well, pure innocent maidens like us should have no trouble, let's get a jug of that water then," Chichi clapped her hands.
And was surprised when the clapping continued. An old woman wearing a white shirt with wide sleeves and wide-legged red pants emerged from between the trees, clapping slowly. She had sharp hard eyes, and creases in her face so deep both young women thought this might be what Roshi would look like if he was a woman.
"Indeed, young lady, if the island were to repel you, you'd already have broken out in rashes. Benesato, Senior Maiden of the island, bids you welcome to this sacred isle."
"Thank you, elder maiden," Chichi bowed, Mai following suit, "We seek the purifying water so as to have a weapon forged from the tooth of a demon."
"Ah, you kids today and your demon-based weapons," the old woman chuckled.
…
…
"…May we have the water, then?" Mai asked, lifting her hand.
"Certainly! But…"
…
…
"Umm, and what?" Chichi asked.
"You must prove yourself worthy of the purifying water, dearies. We can't let just anyone walk off with magic water, can we? Follow me, you'll have to change into the test-takers outfits first. Are either of you allergic to spandex or glitter?"
X X X
"Almost there, Krillin!" Yamcha grit his teeth as they continued their climb.
"I can see that!" Krillin shot back.
"Maybe we should train here later?"
"Feel free, sparring with Chichi is actual fighting training."
"And it isn't when I do it with Mai?"
"Chichi hits harder, prove me wrong," Krillin challenged.
X X X
"Oh, this cabin is adorable! Did you decorate it yourself?" Chichi squeed, taking in the interior of the cabin in the woods the old shrine maiden had led them to. The old lady rang the copper gong she was carrying with the striker in her free hand.
"Silence! Be still and brace yourself for the first trial to prove you possess a true pure heart of maidenhood!" the old woman demanded. Mai and Chichi stiffened at the snapped command, and the old woman rushed over to the bed, tossing the gong on it to pull out a long wide box that had been under the bed. Then took down the drapes on two of the windows and tossed them on the bed. With a war cry, the elderly maiden kicked the box open, revealing it was full of a wide and strange assortment of drapes.
Picking up her gong and striker again, she struck the gong.
"The first challenge of maidenhood! Drapery! A true pure-hearted maiden knows the right drapes for any room. So, choose and hang the drapes appropriate for a child's room!" the old woman commanded.
"What's that have to do with being a maiden?" Mai asked.
"Do not question the tests, or I'll boot you off this island and you'll get all your water from the lake and see what that purifies!"
"Don't worry, Mai! I've been looking forward to having children since I met Goku. I've spent literally days, weeks worth of hours imagining my dream home with Goku and children," Chichi struck a pose and started tossing the drapes into the air as she proudly looked through them.
"It's a challenging question, Mai! We don't know the age of the child, the gender, whether they're good at sports or a magnificent student. A bold natural leader, a reclusive scholar, or a shy girl who hangs out at the library using a book to cover her blush as she watches her crush! It's more than the color! It's the pattern! The heft of the fabric! The sheer amount of sheer! The very structure of the material!"
"Mai is the winner!" the old woman declared, hitting her gong. Chichi paused, a drape in each hand to look over and see Mai had hung a drape of purple with a train pattern on it.
"I figured purple worked either way, and you're never too old for trains," Mai said.
"She is correct, her heart is far purer than yours, barbarian. Now pick up those drapes and fold them neatly. Mai and I will have tea while you clean up your mess!" the shrine maiden huffed, storming out of the cabin.
"Uh, sorry?" Mai bowed a bit to Chichi, before following the old woman out.
"B-but, no one told me it was a contest!" Chichi wailed to the ceiling, hands on her hair.
X X X
BONG
"For the next test, you must pour tea in the back of this pickup truck without spilling a drop!" The old maiden said, putting on sunglasses and an East City Mightymen baseball cap and revving up the red truck.
"Uh, these tests seem kind of odd for ancient rituals," Mai said, holding her teacup and pot while squatting on the truck bed across from Chichi. They were both wearing white robes now, and there was a white blanket covering the bed.
"Hush, I need to feel the motion!" Chichi said, glaring at the teacup.
"When there's no road, there's only off-road, ahahahahaha!" the old lady said, flooring the pedal. The truck roared off, weaving between threes, going out of its way to hit every bump in sight on this serene majestic island.
X X X
"Eloquent, magnificent, regal even," the old lady smiled, sipping tea from Mai's cup. The silky-haired brunette bowed in her clean white robe. Then the old woman glared at Chichi, whose spiky hair had escaped halfway from the bun and was liberally stained with tea, and only a sip's worth in the cup she was holding out.
"As for you, you aren't fit to serve tea to an old turtle!"
Mai blushed.
"It's no big deal, Chichi, at my old job I was called more than once to fly a plane and fix tea for the boss at the same time. That sudden death focus really sharpens your tea-pouring awareness."
"And modest, too! Mai also wins the third contest!"
"What? But we didn't even start!" Chichi objected.
"Hohoho! Think you have any place to object with an impure mannish heart like yours, do you?! For shame, what man worth having would be interested in you?!" Benesato accused Chichi, who fell to her knees.
"Can it be? After all these years, am I truly unworthy?" Chichi lamented, while Mai sweatdropped.
X X X
"And behold the dreaded final test – makeup application, while on the vibrating chair of worldly distractions!" Benesato declared. Mai and Chichi stood behind her, wearing the leotards again.
"Hey, my dad has a larger version of that!" Chichi said chipperly, pointing at the recliner in the middle of the meadow.
BONG
"Silence, harlot heart! This is your last chance to redeem yourself or be condemned before all creation as a blackhearted woman-beast unworthy of male companionship, much less motherhood!" the old woman decreed, practically calling lightning down behind her.
"Chichi, you know only one of us needs to get the water, so you don't have to-" Mai said as Chichi clenched her fists.
"NO! I am a pure and noble maiden, and I will prove it by rising above adversity and achieving victory!" Chichi declared, stomping her foot. The ground cracked under the blow, and the old woman stumbled.
"Maybe you should try more tea and less protein shakes," the elder snarked, while beckoning Chichi to the chair. When Chichi took a seat, the old woman shoved a makeup kit onto her lap.
"With only the aid of the built-in mirror, you must do your eyes, cheeks, lipstick and general facial powdering. You will be assessed on speed and accuracy!"
"Is there a time limit-" Chichi asked.
BONG
"Begin!" the old woman declared, before dropping the gong and pressing a button on a remote control. And so, Chichi began vibrating like she was being made into a smoothie.
'Oh no, she set it on 'stressed'! Focus, Chichi! This is your last chance to prove your purity, remember everything Roshi taught you about centering yourself make the vibrations part of your world, let the motion be part of your stillness…' Chichi pushed herself up, opening the makeup kit.
First the overall powdering!
Then the eyelashes!
Eyeshadow, applied ever so delicately.
A bit of blush to the cheeks.
And finally, the all-important lipstick, with care to select the right shade of red and applied evenly.
"Done!" the old woman declared, hitting her stopwatch and stopping the chair. Mai applauded, only to the interrupted by the gong being hit again.
"Well, that was… acceptable, I suppose. Now young Mai, is it, it's your turn," the shrine maiden said, collecting the makeup kit from a smiling Chichi.
Shortly:
"Mai wins by three seconds. You fail, young lady! Though art unworthy!" the old lady proclaimed, wielding the stopwatch.
"NOOOO! Mom, I let you down!" Chichi wailed, falling to her knees.
"Indeed you did, your foremothers stand shamed for seven generations back."
"Uh, so I get the water, right? We can go?" Mai asked, standing off to the side as the old woman tried to loom over Chichi, who was still taller even when kneeling like that.
"How could I let myself become so unsavory?! Mothers would pull their children away from me! Fathers would be tempted to wreck their own homes! I am not worthy!"
"Indeed! Only one path of honor lies before you! Renounce the world and become a shrine maiden. Seek penance in putting those young muscles to use fixing my roof and shoveling the drive and walk in the winter. That back is also likely good for weeding the garden," the old shrine maiden declared.
"…Wait a minute," Chichi looked up, glaring.
"Grandma? Oh no, not again!" a young woman with curly red hair said, entering the meadow. She had a half-dozen other women, ranging from middle-aged to teen, following her, all wearing tourist attire.
"Uh, Ulai, you're back early," the shrine maiden wilted.
"No, actually we're not. Tell me you didn't do those stupid tests again," Ulai groaned.
"Well, what am I supposed to do when you leave me here alone while the rest of you go on vacation?! The shame, abandoning an elder!" Benesato denounced the young woman, pointing dramatically.
"We leave you behind because you ruin every vacation. And for the last time, the water is free!"
"Free? Wait, grandmother? I thought you were a pure maiden!" Chichi exclaimed, pointing at the old woman glaring at the redhead.
"A maiden with three children! As for pure, she originally got this job as an alternative to jail time or community service," the redhead told them.
"Shut up, you want everyone to know?! I washed you in the sink, you ungrateful child!" Benesato shrieked.
"Uh, so, the water?" Mai asked, as Chichi fumed and the grandmother and apparent granddaughter verbally tore into each other.
Shortly:
"So, that's two jugs of water and two items free from the gift shop as part of the granny special," one of the actual shrine maidens said, ringing them up at the lakeside Secret Shrine Maiden Island gift shop.
"So, there was a road leading here," Mai noted, as Chichi inspected her new shrine maiden coffee mug.
"Of course, the way you came hasn't been used for decades, too dangerous. The boat's just there for those wanting to old school it instead of taking the ferry."
"I knew I was a pure maiden! I shouldn't let people talk down to me so much! We all learned a valuable lesson today," Chichi declared in a strong pose, brandishing her complimentary #1 Pure Maiden mug.
"Is she…?"
"I think it's usual for her. Can we call a taxi with our phone? I think we earned just a ride back to the old man," Mai asked, picking up two plastic jugs of purifying water.
"Well, I bet the boys aren't having this much trouble with their ordeal," Chichi noted as Mai made the call.
Mount Whatsittoya:
"He said to get the wood from the tree on top of the mountain, right?" Yamcha said. Krillin stood next to him arms crossed, expression solemn.
"That's right," Krillin said.
"Tree, as in a specific tree. One, that is at the top of the specific mountain. Right?" Yamcha checked.
"Yes," Krillin nodded.
"Just making sure," Yamcha groaned. Before them lay the stunningly flat top of the mountain, which held at least two dozen tall, dark barked trees with silver-green leaves adorning their branches.
"Well, it's gotta be one of these," Krillin said, stepping over to lay a hand on one of the trees.
"Right, we'd better get to the center," Yamcha sighed.
"What's in the center?" Krillin asked.
"Well, center of this plateau would be the top, right?"
"No, this thing can't be perfectly flat, the highest part is the top. That's how mountains work."
"Well, it's a magic tree, so center makes more sense, it's more dramatic than being a few hairs higher."
"He said top, not center of the top."
"You're reading too much into it."
"You're reading it wrong."
…
"Fine, find the highest spot, I'll get the real wood we need," Yamcha huffed.
"Good luck finding a meaningless center to this grove," Krillin snarked.
Later:
"Just to be clear, he never said anything about the tree fighting back, right?!" Yamcha asked, as he leapt back, dodging a swipe from the tree's branches.
"No, he definitely didn't!" Krillin said, as the roots hauling the angry tree toward them tried to grab him.
Somehow, the tree roared, clearing its brethren to loom over them, branches waiting menacingly while its roots waved like tentacles.
"Don't worry Yamcha, I've fought trees before, we can do this!" Krillin shouted fist raised.
"When did you fight a tree?!" Yamcha yelled back.
"If ye would claim my lumber, seek courage and strength to seize it, fools!" the tree said, opening its mouth.
"And now it's talking, Yamcha, the tree is talking! Why is it talking?!" Krillin cried out.
"I don't know!" Yamcha said, pulling the hatchet from his pack.
X X X
"Took you long enough," Totosai said as two jugs and a stack of wood were placed on his floor.
"I really do appreciate this," Chichi said, to the bruised and scuffed up young men. Totosai huffed and walked over to start inspecting the wood.
"Oh, it's no problem, Chichi, school solidarity, right?" Krillin said.
"Turtle power!" Yamcha added.
"Kowabunga!" Mai yelled.
"…What?" Chichi asked.
"Er, it just seemed appropriate," Mai apologized, blushing and pressing her fingers together.
"Chichi, are you wearing makeup?" Krillin asked.
"Please don't ask," Chichi requested, her smiling becoming quite forced.
"Umm, okay. But it looks good, on you I mean," Krillin stammered.
"Did I do that bad of job?" Mai wondered.
"If you youngsters are done talking about powdering your noses, this stuff you brought is acceptable. Now one ordeal remains!" Totosai declared, holding the tooth up dramatically with his buff arm.
Later:
The four Turtle School members stood on a mountain path, looking down into a valley bathed in mist despite the sun being high in the sky.
"Well, maybe they just have lots of hot springs?" Mai suggested.
"No, the old man said mists, besides…" Yamcha said, pointing to the sign next to the path.
'You Are Not Welcome to the Valley of Misleading Mists, GO AWAY,' it read.
"And there's supposed to be sacred sake here? For all we know, they might have been out of business for a century. I don't think old Toto gets out much," Krillin pointed out.
"Listen, I didn't think my hammer quest would turn into this big of a deal. You can all stay here and wait while I get the sake. Just promise if I don't return, you'll deliver my love to my father, and tell Goku, I expect him to do the decent thing and mourn me forever," Chichi said, clasping her hands and practically sparkling.
"No, we came this far, we'll stick with you," Krillin said. Yamcha nodded, and Mai stopped, having halfway sat down on a rock to stand up straight again.
"Yes, we started together, we'll finish together," Mai declared.
"I know, we should tie ourselves together with rope so we don't get separated," Chichi declared, pulling a length of rope out and displaying it for all to see.
"Did you just have that with you?" Krillin asked.
"You should always have rope on an adventure, you never know when it will come in handy," Chichi declared as she started tying it around her waist.
Shortly:
The mist was indeed thick as they descended into the valley; soon, they couldn't see much further than the lengths of their arms. The ground was either smooth grey stone or covered in spongy dark green moss, with trees and ferns growing ever thicker around them as they descended.
"Wow, it's lush down here," Chichi said.
"I hear running water, and I smell a hot spring," Mai said.
"Mai, do you like hot springs?" Krillin asked, a bit flushed in the face.
"No, last time I went to one, they didn't let me in with my boots on."
"Well, that sucks, I support a woman's right to wear boots as she bathes," Yamcha said, blushing.
"Yeah, we're already living fast and dangerous, not obeying signs, and fetching sake for an old man. I kicked a man's tooth out while still in his mouth!" a red-faced Chichi declared.
"Matter of fact, let's split up and cover more ground," Chichi said, snapping the rope connecting her to the others. The boys followed suit, while Mai, thus cut loose, wandered off, hiccuping.
SPLASH
"I found the hot spring!" Mai called from the mist.
"We aren't looking for a hot spring!" Chichi called back.
"Well, I'm gonna soak with my clothes on! And nobody can stop me!" Mai declared, before dunking her head under.
As the fog cleared some, to show the martial artists ambling about red in the face, three tiny elves popped up from under a fake rock.
"As ever elder, they have fallen under the spell of the sake mist," one of the two clean-shaven assistants said. The bearded elder wrung his hands.
"Good, good. Soon they will be vulnerable to the gift shop, then we can shove them through the portal to North City. And our wealth will grow my children, hahahaha!" the elder cackled.
"Out of curiosity, sir, have you ever considered turning this into a resort? I'm sure plenty of people would pay good money to get drunk off mist while using the hot springs?"
"Do not question the thieving ways of our ancestors! Now, we wait," the elder declared, lowering the fake rock back over them.
X X X
"What have I done?" the elder wept, as he beheld the desolation of the valley through the mist-proof goggles.
The sake mist, since ancient times, had been a fine deterrent, leaving intruders to become confused, sloshed, and finally passing out so they could be thrown out and robbed. But this day, the mists were up against very hearty constitutions that were no less resistant to getting drunk off the mist it seemed.
And so, they had four types of drunk to deal with.
In Mai, they had witnessed the sheer awkwardness of a sad drunk, and one inexplicably able to capture those spying on them in an unspeakable hug to lament her various grievances with life.
"…And then after I graduated high school, my mother left, leaving only a note she was going to pursue her dream of being a pole dancer, and left me because I was too boring!" the rosy-cheeked woman wept onto the soggy elves.
In Yamcha, they had the angry drunk.
"Ha, yeah! Ya know what they say, the bigger they are, the harder they punch!" Yamcha slurred, the cliff face cracking under his punch.
"Ya know what, Bulma! I might not be the strongest, but you are very pretty!" Yamcha slurred some more. Kicking a boulder, that was actually an elf house, he sent it rolling across the valley floor.
"I mean, after all, I was a dreaded bandit. I had it all, a house off the grid. Nontaxable income. Three vehicles. A cat. But then, I met you and Goku… and turns out, I wasn't much of a much! Ain't that right!?" he demanded, waving his hand to disperse the mist for a moment, showing a group of elves trying to sneak off with their assorted furniture.
They screamed and ran away as Yamcha stumbled after them.
"Yeah, that's right! Run away from the weak guy who can only beat up mostly-naked women, apparently!" he threatened, shaking his fists.
And the most destructive by far, the happy drunk, Chichi.
"Well, aren't you just an adorable boulder! You deserve a hug!" Chichi said, red in the face and smiling wide. Ripping the boulder from the ground, she squeezed it until it cracked then crumbled.
"Ah! Bye, Miss Boulder! Have a nice trip. Hello, Mr. Bug! What? Sure, I'll dance for you, it can also be training!" Chichi said to a mosquito, and began to further decimate the surroundings as the screaming elf population kept evacuating.
"Hey Chichi, ya know, you're very pretty," Krillin said, stumbling along in her wake.
Which brings us to the final drunk, the amorous drunk, Krillin.
"Awww, you're so nice, Krillin! You're my best friend!" Chichi slurred, giving him a thumbs up.
"Ya know, you could do better than Goku! I don't think he could ever love a woman like he loves a sandwich," Krillin said, bracing himself on some rubble.
"Well, of course he loves me a lot more than a BLT. He's so strong!" Chichi swooned.
"Well, I'm strong too, watch this!" Krillin said. More destruction ensued. Chichi applauded, laughing.
"Cool, Krillin! Maybe someday you'll be as strong as Goku!"
"Goku, Goku, Goku. Is he strong because he can do the Kamehameha? Well, you know, he's not the only one!" Krillin declared, waggling his eyebrows at the taller woman.
"Krillin, you can do the Kamehameha? That's incredible!" Chichi gushed red in the face.
"Uh, well, I will. Then will you go out with me?" Krillin stuttered.
"Why would I do that?" Chugi asked. Krillin fell face first onto the ground. Getting up he spoke on wobbly legs.
"Why wouldn't you? Is it because I'm short, no wait, Goku's short…" he grumbled.
"Because you're my best friend, and I only have one of those, ya know? I mean, Goku I declare my love for him, and he leaves for years. Bulma never writes, and the twins went with Goku. You stayed, that's better. Mmm, Imma gonna lie down now!" Chichi yawned, before lying down and using a cracked rock as a pillow.
They fell one by one to the increased potency in the mist. Mai ended up being the last to succumb, hauling herself along out of the water to curl up with her elven hostages on the rocks.
Assuming the gas mask-wearing elves could even kill them, they feared what curse meddling with such unnatural beings would bring. So, a calm and rational choice was made.
X X X
The next day, the sun rose over the mountains surrounding the valley to find the four Turtle students now lying in a heap on the path outside the mist, a large jug of sake set on the ground nearby. The elves had decided that the best thing to do was just give the horrifying intruders what they wanted and send them on their way, lest they come back to try again and do even more damage.
"Oooh, my head…" Chichi groaned as she and the others slowly regained consciousness.
"Not so loud, my head feels like it's cracking open," Yamcha complained.
"Can someone please turn off the sun?" Mai moaned.
"Ugh, what happened?" Krillin muttered as he slowly tried to crawl up into a sitting position. Then the scattered fragments of memories started coming back to him, and he blushed as he remembered some of the things he'd said to Chichi.
Which he'd only said because they'd all somehow gotten drunk and he hadn't been thinking clearly, obviously. Because he definitely didn't think that way about her. Not one bit, at all. Nope, not even a little.
…
…
…
…Crap, he really hoped she didn't remember any of that.
X X X
"There's your hammer, name it if you like," Totosai said, tossing a war hammer to the floor without getting up from his spot separated on the mat. He didn't even turn to face them fully.
Chichi blinked, holding the sake jug they had brought back to the cave.
"But what about this?" she asked.
"Just set it down on the floor, gently please," Totosai said, waving his hand.
"Hey, I thought you need this to make her hammer!" Krillin objected.
"No, I said you needed to bring it to me to make it. These days, I need more than money to motivate me for a project like this. That sake is my reward for a job well done. Be grateful I was nice enough to get to work once I had everything that I needed so that you wouldn't have to wait around after bringing me the jug," Totosai said, getting up with seeming difficulty.
"Wait, so we didn't need the sake?" Mai asked, as Totosai stretched, trying to get some cramps or something out, it seemed.
"I already explained, I won't again. Fine, I'll just take it."
"Chichi, he played us, we went through that pain and it wasn't needed. He could have been honest and we'd have fetched it as payment, you don't have too…" Yamcha said, kneeling to pick up the hammer. He had to stop and grab the handle with both hands, lifting it.
"Oh, is that it then? Going to keep that sake for yourself?" Totosai asked, walking up to Chichi, who was frowning, "If you don't care for the stuff, you could sell it, find the right people and you'll not just get your money back on the hammer but a tidy little profit."
Chichi scowled but sighed, holding out the jug with one hand. Totosai accepted it with a slight bow.
"A promise is a promise. If I only kept my word when I liked to the people I liked, it wouldn't be worth much," the warrior woman said, walking over to Yamcha and taking the hammer, she was surprised out of her scowl by the weight and hefted it with a smile.
"Good, you understand actual honor, then. It's not vows or fancy rulebooks, it's doing what you see as right even when you'd rather not. If my last weapon is to a warrior that understands that, this was a worthwhile venture."
Chichi held up the hammer, considering it. It was double-headed, each head as wide as her fist and twice as long. It differed from a sledgehammer in that the striking sides tapered down to a surface only about a third the size of the rest, creating a point of sorts. The handle was long enough that, held at the head, it would reach well past her elbow. Both hammer head and handle were colored a dark grey, with the head being a few shades lighter.
"Spread your blood on it, and the weapon will be yours in full, a benefit of the material and my process. It will be a mighty weapon for anyone, but to you and your progeny, it will channel your ki better and it will grow in size or shrink to suit your body better. Though as a drawback, it won't be able to harm your descendants or you," the old man grumbled.
"That's a drawback?" Mai asked, as Chichi inspected the hammer.
"Of course, very inconvenient when you or your brats go evil and it comes down to a tragic showdown," Totosai said casually.
"Never! No child of mine will be evil. I'll raise them right as rain to be model citizens and responsible royals," Chichi objected.
"Whatever, if there's nothing else, leave my house kindly," the old smith said, going back to his mat.
"Er thanks?" Krillin said, trying to be polite.
"Whatever," Totosai said, lying down in his mat before he promptly started to snore.
"Let's go," Yamcha mouthed to the others.
X X X
"Mmph, guess it shows the value of training," Chichi said, having finally drawn some blood with Mai's knife. The four were walking down the mountain trail toward the town.
"Of all the things to be hard, huh?" Yamcha commented. Krillin didn't say anything, just watching Chichi spread the blood from her forearm on the hammer head. The blood smear sank into the weapon, light igniting, tracing out odd symbols that faded before he could get a good look. As the blood faded, the hammer didn't transform or anything, and it didn't look like it was any lighter as Chichi gave it a casual practice swing over Krillin's head.
"Getting strong enough to handle this with ease will be another goal for me. Thank you, everyone, I wish I could treat you to some time at the hot spring resort in town. But I'm kinda broke after this trip," Chichi apologized.
"They could come back to Frypan with us. I'm sure your dad will hold a dinner, if not a banquet, to honor this little quest," Krillin suggested.
"No thanks," Yamcha said, waving his hand, "I think it'd be better to get back to training for us. After that tree battle, I see there's still a lot to cover if I want to not fall behind you Krillin, not to mention Goku's out there doing who knows what along with Launch and Lunch."
"I'm with Yamcha, I'd rather get back."
So the four had a cheap lunch in town, and once more split up to train in anticipation of the great tournament.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Ah Inuyasha good times, good times. And Chichi has her hammer laying another piece for my plans next season.
One more chapter to go until this season ends. Hope you are all still enjoying the ride.
Long days and pleasant nights to you all.