So, sometimes I feel like life just wants me to suffer. Sunday my grandmother (who I live with) had a heart attack and is now in Hospice. I'm hoping she still has another year or so, but I think we can all agree there are no guarantees in life.
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What Heroes Would Choose
Chapter 18
Midoriya slouched against the interior of his door when he finally made it back up to his room. Despite Ochaco's encouragement, almost everyone had something to tell him before he left. A whole extra ten minutes wasted because unlike everyone else, he couldn't simply brush them off without absurd repercussions.
"Just have to add 10 minutes onto my studying time tonight I guess," he accepted, pushing himself over to his desk to do as he'd intended.
Already having a pretty good idea of his weak points in academics, Midoriya could write down what he wanted to go over with Yaoyorozu without much thought being put into it. That only made his mind wander, however, and of course, it drifted to Todoroki and Bakugo.
Something just didn't seem right about the way they were communicating; their closeness had advanced extremely quickly for two people known for their poor social skills, especially after only a few months of being friends. In fact, Midoriya could remember picking up a few fleeting instances where their actions had bordered on intimacy, now that he was really thinking about it.
The notion of those two falling for each other was so absurd that had it been brought up at any other point in time, Midoriya would have dropped to his knees with laughter. But now, the ridiculousness of literally everything since his abduction made even the most outlandish possibilities seem reasonable.
What an awful feeling; To have fallen in love with two separate people and have them fall in love with each other... What had Midoriya done to deserve such a miserable life as he'd led? The hits had started as a toddler and they'd kept coming, never giving him time to catch his breath, and this particular blow he had no defense for.
"No. No. No." he growled to himself, rubbing at his healing thighs roughly. Knowing that it would only end up impeding his newly strengthened determination to be the absolute best, Midoriya had so far kept himself from giving in to the urge to self-harm again. His 'meditation' was taking the place of that unhealthy coping mechanism… Or it should have been.
Tightly pinching his eyes closed, he rocked in his chair, shuddering breaths fluttering out roughly through his grit teeth. Midoriya might not have any truly traumatic memory that dealt with this particular emotional nerve, but that didn't mean he couldn't find a way to destroy it anyway.
'I'll picture them as a couple—doing everything that I'd wanted to do with each of them together instead of with me. Just visualize. Don't feel. No emotion, no reaction. Control your heart so that it stops controlling you.'
Tears did burn in Midoriya's eyes this time, but he wouldn't let them fall. The papers on his desk wouldn't take much time to finish sorting and this needed to take priority right then. He wouldn't be able to focus unless he got over such a silly interpersonal issue.
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Bakugo rapidly blinked his eyes as they readjusted from his daydream, annoyed to find a flurry of snowflakes swirling around his head and leaving wet, pinpoint droplets on his class notes. "Err! What the hell, Shoto; my papers are getting all blotchy from your damn quirk!"
"Only the top page, I'm sure…" Todoroki drawled smugly. "It's the same one you've been looking over for at least twenty minutes."
The blonde leaned back in Todoroki's desk chair, arching and stretching until his stiff spine popped satisfyingly. "Yeah, well, I already know this shit anyway."
Todoroki hummed in acknowledgment. Bakugo was indeed very smart and was still ranked third in their class; it wasn't like a single afternoon of slacking off was going to change that. They'd both been studying a great deal more than they had before anyway, the work an easy and productive way to occupy their still severely damaged minds. Apparently, it wasn't enough of a distraction tonight though, as Todoroki hadn't been effectively reviewing his notes either.
"What are you thinking about?" he questioned, putting his schoolwork away.
"Tsk, like you don't know," Bakugo grunted in response. He huffed and swiveled around, deciding to follow Todoroki's lead and just give up on being a diligent student tonight. "Deku wouldn't have been allowed to just drop back into classes without some kind of remedial tutoring set up if he was as far behind as he claims. At least some of our classmates aren't total dipshits so they must be ignoring that fact on purpose."
"And yeah, I know I'm a damn hypocrite since you and I also used studying as an excuse to get away from everyone and stay occupied, but at least we were together. I'd bet you anything Deku only asked Yaoyorozu for tutoring to get everyone off his back." He continued, irritation overflowing from his knotted shoulders. "He'll go right back to blowing everyone off once they chill out and get used to him not being around all the time."
The dual user continued staring into his lap, believing Bakugo's analysis of the situation to be correct. "We've already surmised the reason Izuku refuses to train with us in class is because he can't use his quirk, but studying would be different, wouldn't it? We hardly talk whenever we study together so it isn't like we'd annoy him as our other classmates would."
Logical, but ultimately a doomed plan. Todoroki knew that even before he'd said it allowed but he wanted Bakugo to tell him that it wouldn't work. For better or worse, Todoroki had never been one to hesitate; some might have even called him arrogant with how self-assured he'd once been. From the moment Shigaraki had given them their 'choices', however, the confidence he'd had in his ability to make sound decisions had begun to break, chipped away piece by piece until there was nothing left.
Bakugo had obviously been wrong in his determination that distancing themselves from Midoriya was the best thing to do, but Todoroki had willingly agreed. Even if the idea itself hadn't been his, the decision to go along with it was, further degrading the already shattered confidence he'd previously wielded. Bakugo, however, was still capable of making judgment calls.
"Is that something you really want to try?" Bakugo murmured, somewhat shocking the dual user. "Or do you want me to tell you that I think it won't work and isn't worth it?"
As per usual, the blonde had analyzed and deduced exactly what Todoroki was considering. It made his head drop shamefully, the increasingly familiar desire to apologize and curl in on himself growing the longer he felt red eyes boring into the top of his head.
Bakugo got to his feet before heading over to Todoroki's bed, settling down beside him with a supportive one-armed hug. "Damnit, Shoto. I told you I didn't give a shit if you wanted me to make all the decisions about stuff with Deku. If that's still what you want just say so."
The dual user nodded but didn't feel particularly comforted. Todoroki hadn't ever had a friend before Midoriya came along, so every failure felt much more disastrous than it actually was even before they'd been kidnapped. But that also left him with an intense sense of guilt for putting all that responsibility on Bakugo's shoulders.
"Oi, don't fucking agree with me if you don't mean it!" Bakugo grunted in annoyance. "And stop looking so sad; I'm not telling you about any more embarrassing shit from my life to make you feel better."
Despite the harshness of his words, Todoroki felt Bakugo pulling him in closer and let his body yield to the firm embrace. He felt comfortable pressed into the boy's heated torso, protected, and maybe even a little emboldened. "I… I want to try…" he finally mumbled, his Adam's apple bobbing with emotion. "I know how unlikely it is that Izuku will agree, but I want to ask anyway. Please, will you come with me?"
Todoroki raised his head as he spoke, unaware that his distracted mind had failed to notice just how close they'd gotten. His nose bumped into Bakugo's softly, the blonde spikes of the boy's hair gently brushing against the silky strands of his own.
All prior thoughts vanished, leaving new ones flowing unnervingly fast through his head. Bakugo's smell was so comforting, his eyes so intense. Todoroki's stomach fluttered up into his throat, breath catching. They both remained utterly still though, neither able to close the painfully small gap between their lips or put more distance between them.
Todoroki knew this wasn't right; not only did they both love Midoriya, but they'd agreed that they'd stay close friends and nothing more. As Shinso had said, Midoriya didn't need the added stress of knowing that his two closest friends had fallen for each other and left him alone when his own world was falling apart.
Yet Todoroki's chest continued to ache with conflict. It wasn't necessarily romance that he wanted; he craved companionship and love, the intimacy of being physically and emotionally close to someone again. Though he and Midoriya had never done anything remotely sexual before their captivity, they'd shared plenty of intimate moments and he felt empty now that they were only memories.
They were so different, Bakugo and Midoriya. Unsurprisingly, the way they expressed their feelings was just as distinct, the blonde being far more direct and brazen while sweet Deku preferred soft touches and gentle looks. Perhaps that's why Todoroki only felt such intimacy with Bakugo when it couldn't be confused as anything else. "W-we shouldn't…" he breathed.
The blonde's arm was still wrapped around his shoulders, keeping them at this unbearable closeness. Todoroki could feel well-defined muscles repeatedly tense and then release, like Bakugo was fighting with himself on what to do.
Abruptly, Bakugo's free hand cupped Todoroki's cheek, guiding him forward until their lips ghosted against one another, not quite touching, but still enough to leave a tingling sensation. Todoroki's eyes closed from the near contact; breath icy from the barest shudder rolling down his spine.
"I know." Bakugo agreed, his movements just as sudden as they had been before as he shifted his face upward, grazing his lips against Todoroki's flushed temple. He kissed the area right after, holding the position far longer than necessary. It was clearly meant to be an apology even though the blonde didn't say it aloud.
Not knowing what else to do and already burning with unshed tears, Todoroki gave a pitiful nod that he understood. Bakugo then released his hold entirely and stood, packing his stuff quickly and leaving without looking back.
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Midoriya's arms trembled, the push-up he was attempting to complete unable to come to fruition no matter how determinedly he tried. He grunted and hissed, sweat already having pooled in little muddy puddles from where it rained off his face and hair. Still, he absolutely wouldn't abandon this exercise midway, no matter how badly his muscles and joints hurt.
'This is why you're weak. This is why Kacchan and Shoto were kidnapped, and the League of Villains is still wreaking havoc. Give up now and you're everything Shigaraki said you were!'
With gritted teeth, Midoriya forced himself to try even harder, veins in his forehead and temple bulging within his already reddish-purple skin. It wasn't enough though, as usual. His right arm, having already sustained significant damage from prior fights and therefore inherently weaker, gave out entirely, sending him face-first into filthy concrete.
"Midoriya!" Aizawa was kneeling beside him in a flash, flipping him to his back when it was clear he couldn't do it himself.
In all honesty, he could barely see his teacher. Stinging sweat made it difficult to keep his eyes open and when he managed that much, vertigo was waiting to whirl around the surrounding structures with nauseating effectiveness.
"Answer me. Can you hear me, Midoriya?" Aizawa questioned more loudly while removing the metal neck brace from the boy's costume. His student's pulse was as wild as his breathing, body pushed dangerously far beyond its limits.
No amount of pain or related symptoms was going to slow Midoriya down, however. He compelled his mouth to twist into what he hoped was a smile while giving a short nod. "Y-yes…" he panted, the excruciating pain in his limbs giving him something to focus on so that he wouldn't pass out. "S-sorry Mr. Aizawa. J-just clumsy is a-all…"
Having only been a few inches from the ground, it wasn't as if he'd injured his face or head other than a small scratch across the bridge of his nose, but that wasn't what was concerning Aizawa and Midoriya was conscious enough to be aware of that fact.
The Pro was glaring down at him but not saying a word, waiting for All Might to finally make it across the room if Midoriya had to guess. Even with blood pounding in his ears and his own ragged breaths, he could hear his Master heaving with exertion, the unfortunate side effect of having his respiratory system destroyed.
"Young Midoriya, Aizawa, what happened?" He questioned frantically, coughing up a bloody clot immediately after and falling to his knees with dizziness. It didn't take him long to recover though, his fear for his pupil and surrogate son more powerful than any injury. He managed to crawl on his hands and knees the few feet he had yet to go, the action only seeming to further enrage his fellow teacher.
"I'm okay, really!" Midoriya assured, having had time to catch his breath. "My hand must've slipped or something."
All Might immediately seemed relieved, but that sentiment was quickly shut down by the damning glare from Aizawa, its aura making Midoriya flinch some. "No, your hand did not slip. Your arm gave out because you pushed yourself too far. And don't even think about arguing; I saw the whole thing."
Feeling the pressure, Midoriya clamped his lips shut and rapidly sat up, not giving his teacher time to hold him down. With every ounce of willpower he had left, he shifted back to his stomach and completed a pushup, repeating the process once more as 'proof' that his arms were fine.
"See? It really was just an accident, Mr. Aizawa!" He insisted, the prior guilt he felt about lying no longer tugging at his conscience. "I can do something different though if you're really that worried! Wall sits are good for my legs, or I could do something to work on my abdominal strength?"
"Maybe you should just take a break, young Midoriya." All Might suggested quickly, knowing that no matter what his successor said or did, Aizawa was not going to be swayed. "We talked about this, and you said you understood; you have time."
With a huff, Midoriya flopped to his back once more, giving his best pout—not quite enough to be disrespectful as it had a hint of playfulness to it, but with enough dissatisfaction to get his point across. "Alright, I'll go sit in the observation room…" He outwardly conceded, intending to find an exercise he could do there that wouldn't draw any attention. "It would be pretty cool to see what everyone is working on!"
"That's my boy!" All Might cheered, gangly hand coming down to ruffle the boy's sweat-matted hair with approval. "What do you say, Aizawa?"
Midoriya kept his face as innocent as possible as he got to his feet, being extra careful not to show the pain and near uselessness of his abused arms. The pro was clearly still suspicious, not having been impressed or comforted by his ability to complete two more pushups after collapsing. "Fine, but no exercise of any kind while you're up there or I'll bench you from any and all training the rest of the week."
"I promise!" Midoriya chirped, twisting to head to the stairwell. He could hear the hushed voices of All Might and Aizawa behind him though, both heated and firm.
"You can't keep saying things like that to him, Aizawa. I understand that you're concerned he's pushing himself too hard, but threatening punishment that would cause him to fall behind isn't going to make him see your point of view!" All Might hissed.
"If you'd been by his side as quickly as I was, you wouldn't be questioning my judgment. He was unresponsive, All Might, and his heart rate was fast enough to cause a stroke in most people. That redness I'm sure you saw in his eyes wasn't from dust or cracking his head on the floor, it was from straining to the point of breaking blood vessels. Mark my words, Midoriya won't be able to use his arms to any significant degree tomorrow." Aizawa growled back.
The rest of their conversation was too quiet for Midoriya to hear as he continued trekking away, but he'd heard all he needed to anyway. Aizawa wasn't fooled in the slightest and his naturally minimal patience was just about gone.
As it was, Midoriya truly couldn't use his arms. The moment he was out of sight and in the observation room, he attempted to lift and otherwise maneuver them without success. Thoroughly torn, his muscles simply wouldn't respond to his commands and even if they had, the pain would be immense.
By tomorrow, the already horrendous ache and stinging would be far worse with his body attempting to heal the overly severe damage he'd caused; but he'd have to find a way to at least make them seem mobile, lest he prove Aizawa right and earn himself a permanent spot on the sidelines the rest of the week-if not the semester.
Using his foot, Midoriya clumsily dragged a chair over to the window area while he considered his predicament. His fingers still seemed to work just fine so writing shouldn't be a problem and it was common sense to alternate between muscle groups when strength training. He just had to redirect Aizawa's focus to something else… that's all.
Carefully, he bent over and snatched the cloth of his costume between his teeth, pulling his arms up to rest on the small windowsill. From this position, he could see everything that was going on and appeared to be doing exactly as he'd been told. What the teachers couldn't see was how he was utilizing the position to do isometric exercises like he often did during class, his butt hovering just above the chair. It was like doing a wall sit without the wall.
Midoriya gave a broad smile down when All Might and Aizawa finished their vitriol-filled exchange, nodding to them before letting his eyes rise and scour the gymnasium. Despite a few students being behind structures that blocked his view, most were well within sight; maybe he could see if their work gave him any new ideas for his own eventual quirk training.
Bright flashes of light caught his eye first, though it occurred to him that even from his viewing room, the residual 'BANG's should be far louder than they were. Now that he was thinking about it, while he was doing push-ups, the ground had hardly shaken at all from the typically earth-rattling explosions. Midoriya tilted his head in curiosity, never having seen such a pitiful display of the blonde's quirk; Bakugo wasn't putting any effort into training.
Had he run out of sweat? Overworked his arms the day before? No, Bakugo was fanatic about staying hydrated for that exact reason and similarly to himself, no amount of pain was going to hold him back. Midoriya hummed in thought, wondering what could have overwhelmed his ex-friend's determination. The blonde was essentially just wandering around, only letting off a few minor crackles whenever a teacher was near enough to be watching him.
Suspicious, Midoriya's eyes left the area Bakugo was in and searched for Todoroki, eventually finding his new target further off in the distance. It was harder to get much detail from so far away, especially as his legs began jittering beneath him, but he could still see most of what was going on.
The dual user was attempting to create weapons out of flames like his father did, a feat he normally put great determination into despite the conflict it caused him. Midoriya had spent numerous nights holding Shoto's left hand, whispering encouragement deep into the early morning as he attempted to heal his traumatized friend's heart.
That's actually how Midoriya had fallen for the otherwise reserved teen. When they were alone and safe from prying eyes and ears, Todoroki would open himself up completely and what Midoriya saw inside him was as beautiful as it was heartbreaking.
Barely flickering to life now, Todoroki's painfully uninspired attempts to create flames and then force them into shapes was unsettling, to say the least; he'd made a great deal of progress before being kidnapped that seemed to have all but vanished.
A flurry of worry and sadness attempted to whirl up in Midoriya's chest from seeing the two people he loved most in the world falling apart like this, especially since he didn't know what was going on. But the feelings never fully developed, his once bleeding heart slowly becoming stone. Instead, an idea formed, one that took full advantage of his Bakugo and Todoroki's deteriorating psyches.
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Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment if you feel like it! I'd love to hear feedback on the chapter/story and what you think will happen next!