Dearest Gentle Reader,
Or should I say, my fellow victim of the Ton's most insufferable family,
It is high time someone spoke the truth about the Bridgertons and their associates. Who better than I, Cressida Cowper, to unveil the hypocrisy and scandals that have thus far escaped the gossip sheets?
Let us begin with the curious case of Penelope Bridgerton (née Featherington), that wallflower who has somehow wormed her way into the Bridgerton fold. One might think her a harmless creature, but do not be fooled. This wolf in yellow sheep's clothing has sown discord within both her adopted and birth families with her venomous pen.
The very Bridgertons who now embrace her were once the targets of this viper's cruel words, their reputations nearly in tatters due to her loose-lipped scribblings. And what of the Featheringtons? The poor dears can hardly show their faces without whispers following in their wake, all thanks to their youngest daughter's betrayal.
One must wonder: how long before the Bridgertons realize the snake they've welcomed into their midst? Or perhaps they are simply too dim to see what is right before their eyes?
But let us delve deeper into the treachery of Miss Penelope Bridgerton.
Consider the plight of poor Daphne Basset, once declared the diamond of the season by Her Majesty herself. Did Penelope offer support to her so-called friend? Hardly. Instead, she mocked Daphne's initial lack of suitors, gleefully reporting on her dwindling prospects and tarnished reputation. With friends like these, who needs enemies?
And what of Anthony Bridgerton, the esteemed head of the family? Penelope's poison pen knew no bounds as she mercilessly exposed his every indiscretion. His romantic dalliances, his reluctance to marry—all laid bare for the Ton to devour. One wonders how the Bridgerton name has survived such constant assault on its reputation.
But perhaps most egregious was her treatment of Colin Bridgerton, the very man she now calls husband. Did she protect him from scandal during his ill-fated entanglement with Marina Thompson? On the contrary! She reveled in exposing his naivety, highlighting every misstep and painting him a fool for all of London to see.
And yet, this serpent now coils comfortably in the Bridgerton nest, her past transgressions seemingly forgiven—or perhaps forgotten by those too simple to recognize the danger in their midst. One can only imagine what secrets she now gathers, what whispers she collects to use against her new family when the moment is ripe.
Now let us turn our gaze to the current head of the Bridgerton household, the esteemed Viscount Anthony Bridgerton. One might think that after years of rakish behavior and near-ruinous decisions, he might finally show some semblance of responsibility. Alas, dear readers, we are to be disappointed once again.
It has come to my attention that our dear Viscount has decided to embark on a perilous journey across treacherous seas to the exotic lands of India. A grand adventure, you might say? Perhaps, if one were an unattached gentleman seeking thrills. But no, Anthony Bridgerton has chosen to drag along his pregnant wife, the former Kate Sheffield, on this foolhardy expedition.
One must question the sanity of a man who would risk not only his own life but that of his unborn child—the future heir to the Bridgerton title, no less! Does Anthony not realize the dangers that lurk on such a voyage? The tempestuous storms, the threat of pirates, the exotic diseases that could befall a delicate rose such as his wife?
But perhaps this is merely another example of Anthony Bridgerton's infamous impulsivity. After all, this is the man who, in a display of fickleness that would make even the most capricious debutante blush, became engaged to the season's diamond, Miss Edwina Sharma, only to spurn her at the eleventh hour in favor of her elder sister.
Such a brazen disregard for propriety and the feelings of others is, sadly, par for the course when it comes to the Viscount Bridgerton. Now, he seems intent on endangering his own progeny for what? A whim? A desire to escape his responsibilities? Or perhaps he fears that if he remains in London too long, he might find himself engaged to yet another unsuspecting young lady?
One can only imagine the anxiety that must grip the Bridgerton matriarch, Lady Violet, as she watches the Bridgerton heir being whisked away to parts unknown before it has even drawn its first breath. But then again, given the Bridgerton family's penchant for scandal, perhaps she has grown accustomed to such reckless behavior.
In any case, we shall eagerly await news of the Viscount's return—assuming, of course, that he and his precious cargo survive this ill-conceived journey. One can only hope that the future heir of Bridgerton inherits its mother's good sense rather than its father's penchant for disaster.
And what of the second Bridgerton son, the supposedly artistic and sensitive Benedict? One might have hoped that in his elder brother's absence, he would rise to the occasion and shoulder the responsibilities of the viscountcy with grace and dignity. Alas, dear readers, it seems that hope was misplaced.
While Anthony gallivants across the globe, endangering his wife and heir, Benedict has taken it upon himself to make a mockery of his family's position. The role of stand-in viscount, it appears, is too taxing for our dear artiste's delicate sensibilities.
Sources close to the family report that Benedict is so severely behind on his judicial duties that the provinces are growing restless. Petitions pile up, unread and unaddressed, while Mr. Bridgerton no doubt dabbles with his paints and charcoals. One can almost hear the collective sigh of disappointment echoing through the countryside.
But why should we be surprised? This is, after all, the same Benedict Bridgerton who once abandoned his family and position to live as a bohemian in the country. It seems old habits die hard, and responsibility remains an elusive concept for this particular Bridgerton.
One can only imagine the state of affairs that will greet Anthony upon his return—assuming he returns at all. Will there be a viscountcy left to inherit? Or will Benedict's negligence have reduced the Bridgerton legacy to nothing more than a cautionary tale?
And now, dear readers, we come to the third Bridgerton brother, the once-charming Colin. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! It seems that his latest travels have transformed our dear Colin from a sweet-natured young man into something far more... unsavory.
Reports from his recent return to London paint a picture that would make even the most hardened rake blush. Gone is the boyish charm and innocent demeanor that once made him the toast of every drawing room. In its place, we find a creature of base appetites and questionable morals.
Witnesses speak of lewd comments whispered at social gatherings, of wandering hands that seem to have forgotten the meaning of propriety. His gaze, once described as warm and inviting, now holds a predatory gleam that sends shivers down the spines of respectable young ladies (and their mothers).
One can't help but wonder what sordid adventures Mr. Colin Bridgerton encountered on his travels. Did he frequent the opium dens of the Far East? Perhaps he lost himself in the sensual delights of the Ottoman harems? Whatever the case, it's clear that he has returned to us not as the prodigal son, but as a wolf in gentleman's clothing.
Poor Penelope Featherington, now Bridgerton. One can only imagine her dismay at discovering the true nature of her long-time infatuation. Did she truly believe she had secured the most eligible bachelor of the Ton? Alas, it seems she has instead shackled herself to the most disgusting. One almost pities the girl, watching her new husband leer at every passing skirt while she no doubt tries to convince herself that she's living her dream. Oh, how the mighty mouse has fallen indeed!
It seems the Bridgerton brothers are in a race to outdo each other in scandal and impropriety. Anthony risks life and limb (and heir) on foolhardy adventures, Benedict neglects his duties in favor of artistic pursuits, and now Colin seems determined to debase himself at every turn.
One must feel for poor Lady Violet. With each passing season, her sons seem to stray further from the path of respectability. At this rate, young Gregory's debut into society will be met with locked doors and drawn curtains, as the ton scrambles to protect their daughters from the Bridgerton influence.
As for Colin, one can only hope that this is a passing phase, a temporary madness brought on by exotic climes and foreign influences. But given the Bridgerton family's propensity for scandal, I fear we may be witnessing the birth of London's next notorious rake.
Lock up your daughters, dear readers. It seems no one is safe from the corrupting influence of the Bridgerton men.
And now, dear readers, we come to the curious case of Miss Eloise Bridgerton, the self-proclaimed "Mary Wollstonecraft reborn" and intellectual of the family. How noble she seems, how forward-thinking—at least, until one takes a closer look at her actions.
For all her talk of women's rights and sisterhood, Miss Eloise has proven herself to be nothing more than a fair-weather friend and a hypocrite of the highest order. Let us examine the evidence, shall we?
First, there's the matter of her supposed best friend, Penelope Bridgerton. While one might argue that Penelope's actions as Lady Whistledown were questionable, a true friend would stand by her side. Instead, Eloise cast her aside like yesterday's fashion, all because Penelope dared to think for herself rather than falling in line with Eloise's grand ideas of female empowerment.
And let us not forget how quickly she abandoned her other female acquaintances, including yours truly. It seems Miss Eloise's definition of friendship extends only to those who parrot her own thoughts back to her. How very progressive indeed!
But perhaps most galling is Eloise's tendency to look down upon other women and their interests. She scoffs at those who enjoy balls and soirées, sneers at discussions of fashion and society, and generally treats any woman who doesn't share her exact worldview as somehow lesser.
One must wonder—is this truly the actions of a forward-minded woman? To dismiss and belittle the choices and interests of other women? To demand that all ladies conform to her singular vision of womanhood? It seems Miss Eloise has more in common with the patriarchy she so despises than she'd care to admit.
In her quest to be different, to stand out from the crowd, Eloise Bridgerton has become the very thing she claims to fight against—judgmental, dismissive, and utterly blind to her own hypocrisy. One can only hope that someday she'll realize that true feminism means supporting all women, not just those who think exactly as she does.
But given the Bridgerton family's track record for self-awareness, I shan't hold my breath waiting for that epiphany.
And finally, dear readers, let us not forget the enigmatic Francesca Bridgerton, whose recent actions have set tongues wagging throughout the ton. It seems that even the quietest of the Bridgerton brood cannot escape the family's penchant for scandal.
One must question the wisdom—nay, the very propriety—of Miss Francesca's decision to defy Her Majesty the Queen herself. To reject a match made by our sovereign is audacious enough, but to do so in favor of a man who is practically mute? The mind boggles at such impropriety.
Yet, it seems that silence holds a peculiar allure for our dear Francesca. Perhaps she finds comfort in a husband who cannot interrupt her musings or challenge her whims. Or perhaps she simply tired of the constant chatter that plagues her boisterous family.
But what truly sets the gossips aflutter is not the marriage itself, but rather what transpired after the clandestine ceremony. For it seems that our newly minted bride could not contain her ardor even in the presence of polite company. Witnesses report seeing Miss Francesca—or should I say, Mrs. Stirling—making eyes at her husband's female cousin in a manner most unbecoming of a lady of her station.
The term "making sheep's eyes," dear readers, hardly does justice to the wanton display of affection that was observed. One can only imagine the scandal that would erupt should such behavior continue unchecked. Has Francesca taken leave of her senses? Or is this merely another example of the Bridgerton family's disregard for social norms?
Whatever the case may be, it is clear that the Bridgerton sisters are determined to match their brothers scandal for scandal. Between Eloise's misguided crusades and Francesca's eyebrow-raising antics, one wonders what poor Hyacinth will do to distinguish herself when her time comes.
As for Francesca, one can only hope that she finds contentment in her unconventional marriage. Though given the Bridgerton track record, I wouldn't be surprised if we soon hear whispers of yet another scandal brewing in that quarter.
And so, dear readers, we come to the end of our exposé on the infamous Bridgerton clan. From rakish behavior to neglected duties, from hypocrisy to impropriety, it seems there is no end to the mischief this family can cause. One can only wonder what new scandals the coming season will bring.
Until next time, this is Cressida Cowper, bidding you all a good day—and reminding you to keep a watchful eye on those Bridgertons.
Who knows what they might do next?